Chapter Text
“Hey,” Caspar happily grinned at Linhardt as he shovelled in another spoon of soup.
“Yes?” Linhardt looked up at Caspar from his own bowl, suppressing a giggle at the goofy grin adorning the other's face.
“I was thinking,” the 8 year old boy paused in his hurried eating , “we should go play outside after this!” He punctuated his sentence by sending another happy smile to Linhardt who instead yawned slowly, eyes drooping shut.
“Well" he began, leaning his head on one knuckle, “I'd rather nap if I’m completely honest,” he noted the downwards pull at Caspar's lips. “However, I suppose if I play with you outside first then we can both nap after?” He held out his hand waiting to shake on the deal.
Caspar beamed and graciously shook Linhardt's hand with both of his own and with about as much force his 8 year old body could muster. “Thanks Linhardt! I love you!”
Linhardt lazily smiled back, “Come on, eat the rest of your soup and get your sticky hands off me.”
“Father says I have to go to the Officer’s Academy at Garreg Mach Monastery.” Linhardt frowned as he sat on Caspar's bed playing with the hem of his shirt.
“What?” Caspar practically shouted in the way he always does, “Why would he send you there?”
Linhardt sighed, “Something about how it will help me stop lazing about so much, or how I need to shape myself into a more ‘respectable heir' now that I’m ‘of age'.”
“But do you want to actually go? Not your parents, but you?” Caspar's brows furrowed.
“Well obviously not,” Linhardt yawned, “Studying with other nobles sounds exhausting.”
“You like studying with me.” Caspar added.
“You’re different to them Caspar,” Linhardt shook his head, laying back onto the bed, “you don’t force me to do anything I don’t want to, or make me act noble in any manner.”
“Aw, I love you too, buddy,” Caspar joked, missing completely the light pink dusting the other’s cheeks, “but in all seriousness,” Caspar paused, thinking.
“Caspar? Being serious? I never thought I’d see the day.” Linhardt chuckled.
“Hey! I’m trying to give you some mature advice here!”
“Sorry, you may continue.” Linhardt mumbled, snuggling into the bed. He felt the pressure shift slightly as Caspar came to sit down beside him.
“I think,” Linhardt cracked open one eyelid to look at Caspar as he spoke, “I’ll just come with you!”
“You’ll come to Garreg Mach?” Linhardt asked. Caspar nodded gleefully.
“Sure! I’m sure my parents won’t mind, me being second son and all. And now, if a stuffy noble picks a fight with you, I’ll be there to beat the crap outta them!” He laid down beside Linhardt and noticed the small happy smile on the other’s face.
“I’m sure there won’t be many fights or nobles to ‘beat the crap outta', but if there are I’m glad you’re along for the ride.”
“Anything for you, buddy!”
Linhardt was laying on the grounds of Garreg Mach, indulging in a mid-afternoon nap when he heard heavy footsteps which could only mean one thing.
“Caspar,” he greeted the other, eyes still remaining closed.
“Linhardt, you'll never believe this!” He stood above the other, blocking out the sunlight and rousing Linhardt awake.
“Let me guess,” he sat up against a tree, “you passed your certification exam?”
“Yeah! How did you know?”
“Well, for one, I can see your grade on the back of the paper you’re holding.” Linhardt chuckled patting the ground beside him, urging Caspar to join him on the cool grass.
“Aw, no fair!” He heard the other grumble as he made himself comfortable alongside his best friend. “Anyways,” his frown was quickly replaced by a smile, “it’s thanks to you I passed at all, love you man!” Caspar wrapped an arm around Linhardt's shoulder, pulling him in for an awkward hug.
“No problem.” Linhardt said quietly, relaxing in Caspar's firm hold as he felt his face heating up.
Caspar finally let go of the other and continued to happily chat away, while Linhardt's mind wouldn’t stray from the way Caspar's smile, Caspar’s hold, Caspar’s voice all made his heart race ten times faster.
It was the Blue Sea Moon of their year at the academy and Caspar saw Linhardt cry for the first time.
“You are disgusting, you know that?” A noble pushed Linhardt to the ground, knocking the heavy books out of his arms and reeling at the sight of the usually lax boy's widened eyes and confused frown.
“What was that for?” Linhardt asked, picking himself up easily and dusting off his uniform.
“You know exactly what that was for,” another boy scoffed before saying with an ugly frown, “you fag.”
“We’ve seen the way you look at other men,” they kicked Linhardt to the ground again, “who was it in particular? Count Bergiliez's son?”
Linhardt's breath stuttered, “Get off me, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Shut it! I don’t want to hear another word from your gay mouth!” He continued to rest his foot against Linhardt’s chest, and then kicked him hard.
“I don’t see why you like that short son of a bitch so much anyway,” he kicked again, basking in the way Linhardt would splutter with every kick, “surely if you could choose anyone to feast your disgusting little eyes on you would at least choose someone who wasn’t an annoying fuck.”
“Shut up.” Linhardt growled, uncharacteristically angry.
“What did you say?” Another boy pulled him up by the collar, pushing him against a wall and grabbing hold of his neck, choking him.
“D-Don't bring him...” he gasped for air, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, “into this.”
“See,” one of them cooed, "he does love him,” he kicked him in the stomach, “disgusting.”
“Linhardt!” The three men turned to see a bright blue haired boy running towards them.
“What the fuck?” Caspar shouted, “Get off him, now! I’ll beat the shit outta you!” He grabbed the one holding Linhardt and pushed him to the ground, easily punching the others, feeling grateful that he just came back from training and that he had his gauntlets with him.
“You’re just like him, a fucking freak.” One of them said, before Caspar finally drove all three off.
Caspar turned to see Linhardt slouched against the wall, hugging his knees close to his chest, “I guess you did get the chance to beat the crap out of some nobles.” He attempted to joke.
Caspar tried to smile as he sat down beside Linhardt, “What happened?” he asked softly, as softly as Linhardt had ever heard from his friend.
“It was nothing.” Linhardt tried and failed to dismiss the situation.
“That sure as hell wasn’t nothing, Linhardt!” Caspar tried to calm himself down, placing a comforting hand on Linhardt's wrist. “They were calling you a freak...”
“Well, I suppose they weren’t wrong,” Linhardt swallowed, and Caspar saw his throat bob.
“What do you mean?” he asked, tightening his grip on Linhardt's hand.
“I think,” he felt tears forming and threatening to spill, “I’m gay.”
Caspar paused, “Why didn’t you protect yourself?”
“Wh- did you hear what I just said?”
“Yeah, and it doesn’t matter, I love you either way.” He reached over to wipe the tears from his friend's face, “But going back to my question, my the hell didn’t you defend yourself?”
Linhardt shook his head, “I hurt enough people as it is on the battlefield, and what they were saying, I fel-“
“Don’t you dare say you felt like it was true or you deserved it, because there’s nothing wrong with being gay! Dorothea's pretty gay from what I’ve heard, and she’s great, so-" Caspar rambled until he felt Linhardt's head rest on his shoulder.
“I wasn’t going to say any of that,” he held Caspar's hand, weaving their fingers together, “but thank you.”
“Let’s head back to the Monastery and I’ll take you to the infirmary.”
“Linhardt!” Edelgard chided, folding her arms and frowning at the sleeping boy, “Wake up!”
“What?” He grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “Oh, it's just you.” He then proceeded to lay his head back onto his arms folded on the desk.
“What does he mean by ‘it's just you'? Do you want me to take care of him, Lady Edelgard?” Hubert commented, standing beside the Empress-to-be.
“No need, Hubert.”
“I do not have understanding, should we not be waking him up?” Petra commented from her place behind Edelgard.
“C'mon guys, let him sleep.” Caspar pat Linhardt’s back amicably.
“No, Caspar. He sleeps through every lecture and he’s going to bring our class down if he doesn’t pay more attention. You can’t keep defending him like this.” Edelgard shook her head.
“It’s not like he brings us down, you know he’s the smartest in the room.” Caspar felt himself getting riled up.
“And he doesn’t ever use that brain of his because he's always sleeping!” Edelgard argued back.
“No, he isn’t! In fact, he’s sleeping now because he was studying late last night, so leave him alone! And I love the way he’s able to sleep just about anywhere and the way he works so hard when it’s something he cares about, so don’t talk about him like he’s a burden, because he definitely is not!”
The class went silent, all looking at Caspar with amused looks, “That was practically a love confession.” Dorothea laughed.
“W-Well, yeah! Of course I love him, he’s my best friend!” Caspar felt heat rising to his cheeks.
“Why, thank you, Caspar.” Linhardt picked his head up from his arms, a similar pink flush on his own cheeks.
“If Edelgard’s lecturing didn’t wake him up, Caspar's confession definitely did.” He heard Ferdinand pitch in.
Oh. Maybe he really did love him like that.
It was the night if the ball and Caspar couldn’t find Linhardt anywhere. He sighed, walking up to the Goddess Tower for some fresh air and a last ditch attempt to find his friend. He gazed out, looking up at the Ethereal Moon which hung above him in the sky.
“Fancy seeing you here.” He heard from beside him, jumping at the sudden voice.
“L-Linhardt?” He was greeted by his friend laying under the stars a few feet away and, in Caspar's opinion, looking absolutely divine in his formal wear with the moonlight reflecting off his emerald hair.
“That is my name,” he smiled at Caspar, suppressing a yawn as his friend came to sit beside him.
“What are you doing up here?” Caspar felt himself swallow, palms growing sweaty as he looked at his friend beside him nervously.
“Needed someplace to nap,” he yawned, “I figured I’d go relatively undisturbed up here, but it seems like I was mistaken “
“Oh, um, cool.” Caspar nodded, again looking down at Linhardt, who now opened his eyes and was looking up at Caspar.
“You seem nervous.”
“Yeah well, I think I figured something out recently.” Caspar steeled himself.
“And what is that?” He heard Linhardt ask, softly, quietly, hesitantly.
“I think- no, I love you.” He had his eyes shut tight and a flush red on his cheeks. He heard a chuckle and he looked down to see Linhardt laughing.
“What?” He exclaimed, confused at the reaction.
“You tell me that all the time,” Linhardt smiled, but his eyes looked sad, “you should really stop now. We aren’t kids anymore, people will get the wrong idea."
“No,” Caspar shook his head, “I love you. Like in the way that I always want to be with you.” It took all the courage he had to reach out and hold Linhardt's hand. They sat in silence for a few moments under the stars.
“No you don’t.” He heard Linhardt's sad voice loudly amongst the silence of the Goddess Tower.
“I do!” Caspar frowned, squeezing Linhardt's hand and he felt the other squeeze back. Linhardt sat up, looking at Caspar's bright blue eyes with his own darker ones, “You love the idea of loving me.” He paused and laughed softly, “I just happened to be the one closest to you at the time. You don’t really love me.”
Caspar took a deep breath before shouting, “I promise that I’ll never stop loving you!”
Linahrdt looked taken aback when Caspar continued, “And one day, I'll get you to say it back to me!”
“I hope that day comes, Caspar, I really, truly hope it does.” Linhardt murmered as he pulled Caspar in for a chaste kiss.
War was upon them and Linhardt had never felt more sick in his life. He quivered, stepping backwards as he fell against a blood-stained wall, taking in shaking breaths and holding his bruised and cut legs close to his chest. He heaved seeing the dead bodies surrounding him.
“Linhardt!” Caspar called, seeing his friend shaking on the ground. He ran up to him, sitting next to him and wrapping his arms around the other's thinner frame.
“I-I killed them, all of them.” Linhardt stuttered, freezing in Caspar's grip, “They died because of me and this stupid, pointless war.”
“We all have blood on our hands now, we can’t stop.” Caspar whispered into Linhardt’s hair, kissing the top of his green head.
“I know that, but,” he sobbed, “it makes me sick, how no one cares about their own life, how they would just sacrifice themselves for someone else's dream.” He hugged closer to Caspar who continued to pepper kisses on his head, feeling himself relax somewhat in Caspar's warm embrace. He let himself cry in his arms.
“It’s okay,” Caspar comforted him, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he murmured into his hair. Linhardt sobbed louder.
“I love you.” Caspar said against the bare skin of Linhardt's back, with his arms wrapped around the other's body as they laid in his bed.
“Please stop saying that.” Linhardt said, voice overcome with drowsiness, despite the way he snuggled further into Caspar's arms.
“Never.” Caspar chuckled, squeezing his arms tighter around pale skin, and pressing light kisses along Linhardt's neck, feeling the other shiver beneath him.
“You’re just lonely and I’m just the only willing person around.” He said with shaking breath.
“Not true.” Caspar nuzzled his nose into the crevice between Linhardt’s shoulders and neck, enjoying the feathery laugh escaping the other's lips, “I really do love you. I love you so much it hurts.”
He heard fabric rustling and then Linhardt was facing him with lazy eyes full of sorrow, pressing a kiss on Caspar’s nose. “It hurts me more.”
“As if.” He pulls Linhardt in for another kiss, drowning in the soft moans which escapes the other that night.
It was the final battle, the war was coming to an end at long last.
Caspar pushed his axe deeper into the shoulder of an enemy, spinning around to smash the weapon into the stomach of another. He didn’t see the sword coming to plunge itself into his back until it was too late.
He saw blood splutter from Linhardt's mouth as he jumped to protect Caspar, and everything went still. Linhardt's body hit the ground as the enemy fled.
“Linhardt!” Caspar screamed, falling to his knees, “Healer! Please!” He let his eyes fall back to Linhardt's rapidly dulling eyes, he grabbed his hand and squeezed it, feeling his eyes grow wet. “H-Hey, come on, stay with me, you can’t leave me here.”
He looked up again, feeling Linhardt's breaths grow more shallow, “Healer, please, anyone!”
“I love you, Caspar.” He felt the world stop spinning for the second time that day.
“Not now, why did you have to tell me now.” Caspar shook his head, tears spilling onto Linhardt's body.
“I'm afraid,” he heaved in a shaky breath, “this might just be my last chance to tell you.” He was smiling.
“Don’t say that, you can’t say that to me!” Caspar’s vision went hazy as he tried to stop the bleeding, applying pressure to his stomach.
“I wish, I just wish I had said it sooner, and maybe I would have if there wasn’t this war,” he paused taking in another long breath, “and if I wasn’t so damn scared all the time of you not loving me back, then we could be together."
“Linhardt, please stop, I’m begging you.” Caspar sobbed, laying his forehead against Linhardt's.
“It looks like your wish at the Goddess Tower, all those years ago,” he coughed blood onto Caspar's cheeks. Caspar didn’t care, “it actually came true. You really got me to say it.” Linhardt was crying now too. “So let me hear you say it again,”
Caspar cried, “No, please don’t!”
“One last time, please.” Linhardt begged, Caspar's tears mingling with his own.
He drew in a shaky breath, feeling Linhardt's hand growing limper in his own.
“I love you, Linhardt.”