Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Say, Ford. Tell me the story again.”

 Stan, you already know that story. It doesn’t end well.

“I know. Tell me anyway.”

 What’s the magic word?

~sigh~ “Please.”

 Very well. Once there were two brothers, twin brothers, who went everywhere together. They didn’t have many other friends. But that was alright because when it came down to it, you only needed one. Together they went on many adventures, solving mysteries and making great discoveries. They could feel each other like an extra limb, and knew that even when they were separated, they would find a way to be together.

Then one day… something… bad happened to them.

   %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gravity Falls wasn’t a big town. Nor was it easy to get to. Being built in the midst of a magic forest was surprisingly tough on trade. But it did have some things to its' advantage It had a good lumber and mining business. And it was home to one of the Nations’ noble families. And to the Pines twins, it was their whole world.

“Stupid hat!” Dipper grumbled as he snatched his cap up from the ground. It was windy and this was the third time it had blown off.

“Maybe you should just clip it to your hair.” Suggested his sister Mabel. They’d been walking through town together, ignoring the glances people kept giving them.

“Those were the ones I was telling you about.” The town sheriff whispered to Tad, a salesman who’d managed to make it through the woods. The man had fallen into talking with Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Durland, and Toby the town crier. The four men glanced across the street at the two twelve-year olds making their way to the library.

“Oh, well, they don’t look dangerous.” Tad said, “In fact, they look kind of cute.”

“Yeah they’re cute alright.” Said Toby, fiddling with his bell. “Smart too. Blew right through their classes at the schoolhouse. But I tell ya, when they get an idea in their heads, look out! Especially the boy.”

“T’aint all their fault.” Interjected Deputy Durland, “It’s that caretaker of theirs, Old Man Mcgucket. He used to be one of the most brilliant men in town. Nowadays, he holes up in his shack making crazy tinker toys for fun.”

At that moment, Dipper and Mabel both looked across the street at the little group, who quickly looked away. Once they were out of earshot, Blubs shook his head.

“Aint it a shame that a sweet pair of kids like that should be brought up by a cukko?

   The little bell rang as the twins opened the library door. It was a one-room building filled with bookshelves, most of which dwelt with fairy stories, but others handled science and geography. From his desk, the librarian looked up. “Back so soon?” he asked, “I think that’s a new record.”

“I couldn’t put it down.” Said Dipper pulling the science book from his satchel; “There are so many new discoveries and theories in here. Did you know there are dents on the moon caused by shooting stars?”

“I did not know that.” The librarian chuckled as the boy stood on tiptoes to set the book on his desk. He was a burley black man with tattoos on his face: hardly the type of man you’d expect to peddle books, but that was part of his appeal to the twins.

“Do you have anything new?”

“Not sense last week.”

“Did you look at getting those werewolf books I asked about?” Mabel asked eagerly, pressing her chin on the desktop.

“I did, and trust me, those books are NOT suitable for younger readers. Sorry.”

“Awww!” Mabel pouted while Dipper headed toward the shelf where his favorite books were kept. “I’ll just get this again.” He said picking out The First Sibling Brothers Mystery.

“Hmmm. Might as well let you have that.” The librarian said as the boy gave the book to him to stamp. “Think you’re the only one who checks it out.”

“Nah, I don’t want to break up a set.” said Dipper although he inwardly grinned at the idea of owning his favorite book.

After leaving the library the twins went about the rest of their errands: Picking up yarn from the sewing shop, buying bread from the baker, and getting pellets from the travel depot.

They stopped out the supplies store and looked at the display. There were butterfly nets, specimen cabinets, and a bunch of fancy writing journals. Dipper gazed longingly at one with a pine tree emblazoned on it in gold leaf.

“Do you think we’ll ever afford travel supplies like this?” he asked, not looking at his sister. “Why sure we will bro-bro!” She answered cheerfully. “With the money Unk will make, we’ll be able to buy up this whole store! We’re gonna go out together, see the world, and be the best pair of explorers sense, sense, sense those two!”

She gestured towards the wooden sign above the shop door, upon which was painted the image of two men standing back-to-back. It was a popular image around town; a small tribute to the Lost Heirs. Dipper looked at the sign and at his sister. She still had that big lip-biting smile she got when she was excited. He couldn’t resist smiling back.

“Thanks sis. You always say the nicest things.”

“Doesn’t she?” came an all-too familiar voice. The twins cringed simultaneously and turned around to see a tiny well-dressed white-haired boy standing behind them.

“Hello friends!” he chirped in his high-pitched voice.

“Hello Gideon.” They said together. Gideon was the son of the local ruling noble family, the Gleefuls. And he was the most obnoxious person you could ever meet. He thought that just because he was cute and rich that he was something special. And the fact that everyone adored him didn’t help things either. He had once given an accurate prediction of an upcoming rainstorm, which led the town to believe that he was psychic. Add to that the fact that his parents gave him unlimited political authority and the boy was a ten-year old juggernaut.

“I saw ya’ll walking down the street and thought to myself; “Now there are some folks I haven’t seen in a while.” You know it’s been ages sense you’ve come over for dinner.”

“We’ve been… busy.” Mabel told him hoping to end this quickly. She glanced around looking for an escape route. All she saw was a few passersby cooing over the cute little noble talking to the cute little plebeians. “So precious!” gushed one person. “Like a scene from a painting.” gushed another. No help from any of them.

“Well you can’t be too busy sense you have time to window-shop. By the by, have you met my new friends?” He snapped his fingers, and a group of large, scary-looking thugs stepped into view, led by a hairy giant with glazed-over eyes.

“These fine fellows are part of my new program; rehabilitating former prisoners to safeguard the community. Ghost Eyes here is especially caring.”

“Pleased To Meet You.” The man rumbled as he gripped Dipper’s entire arm in his fist and shook it, not letting go. “You’re Even Cuter Then Gideon Described You.”

“Th-thanks.” Dipper said as he strained to release himself. Heedless of the boys’ discomfort Gideon took a step closer to Mabel.

“You know my offer still stands.” He said wiggling his eyebrows. “You can stay at my mansion the both of you. It has far more then you could ever get in that dilapidated shack.” Mable crossed her arms. “We happen to like that shack.” She huffed, “And our Uncle Fiddle takes perfectly good care of us. We’re getting ready for a road trip right now.”

“Isn’t he the crazy guy that talks to woodpeckers?” interjected one thug.

“Shhh!” Gideon shushed him and turned back to Mabel. “A trip you say. Well how delightful. And where are you going?”

“The Inventers’ Fair.” Said Dipper who was now being held in Ghost Eyes’ hand like a stress toy, “He said we’re old enough to go with him this year.” He strained and huffed, and finally got the man to drop him by spitting on his wrist. “Ug!” the thug grimaced and wiped his hand on his waist.

“Well, Maybe afterwards. We can all go out together. You can tell me about your projects, I can tell you my plans, together we can work out a little arrangement…”

His eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. They both crossed their arms.

Finally, Dipper sighed. “Look Gideon, we’ve been over this a hundred times. She doesn’t want to date you, I don’t want to work for you, nether of us wants to live with you so why don’t you just- That is a weird place to put a piano.” Instantly, Gideon and his thugs turned around. With that, Dipper kicked Ghost Eyes in his shins while Mabel scooped up the shopping basket, and the Pines twins took off running.

Once they were outside of town, they stopped to catch their breath. “Well that happened.” Mabel said.

“Yeah,” agreed Dipper, “To think we almost got through the day without being bothered by that kid.”

“And did you hear what those guys said about Unk? So rude!”

“Meah, let’s forget them and go home.”

After another ten minutes of walking, they came into view of the shack where they lived with their guardian, Fiddleford Mcgucket; Old Man Mcgucket to most people, Uncle to them. He had once been the Head Engineer at the local mines. Now in his old age, he had taken to inventing. The rumor around town was that he had gone crazy from living so close to the woods, but that wasn’t true, he was just a bit eccentric. Sure, the mechanical monster he’d built to protect the town’s water supply went haywire. And the flying machine he built crashed on its’ first test flight. And it was true that he liked talking to animals like they were going to answer. Okay, so he was a little crazy, but the fun kind of crazy. And he was all the kids had, so they were extra protective of him.

“We’re home!” Dipper called as they walked through the door. He was answered by a loud clanging that came from the living room. “In here.” Came McGuckets’ wheezing voice. The twins made their way through the piles of junk and broken floorboards.

They weren’t poor exactly. The stipend they got from the state added to the small amount they got from selling machine parts was enough to keep them going, but not enough to keep the shack from falling apart. It was leaky, drafty and nearly every room was filled with old tools and machinery. The only lived in parts being the kitchen, bedrooms, and bathroom.

   McGucket was at his desk, tinkering on his latest creation.

“Can one of you hand me the screwdriver?” he reached out his hand without looking up. Mabel handed him on one he needed, not bringing up that it was right by his elbow.

“How’s it going?” she asked. “Well enough.” He answered. “Another few tweaks and it should be ready for a test-run.” He glanced at the kids setting their baskets on a nearby table.

“Did you get everything we need?”

“Yeah, all the stuff we need for the trip.” Dipper sat on the floor and held his book to his chest. “Say Unk, do you think we make any friends at this fair?’

“Oh I wouldn’t doubt it. Yous two are about the friendliest kids I ever had the pleasure of knowing. Why wouldn’t you make friends?”

Dipper shrugged, “Oh, I dunno, we barely seem to get along with anyone around here. The only person our age who talks to us is Gideon and he’s a total…” He searched for the right word.

“Shmendrik.” Mabel finished, remembering the way that boy practically harassed them.

“Yeah, that. And who’s to say other kids won’t be like that?”

McGucket smiled at the two of them. He remembered what it was like to be young and shy. “Well don’t ya’ll worry, Gideon’s just one drop in a whole slew of humanity. I promise once we get to the fair, thar’ll be tons of folks just waiting ta meet’cha.”

“Now then.” He held up his finished invention; an elaborate handgun with a glass bulb in place of a muzzle, and a letter rotary on the side. “Let’s test this baby out.”

The memory gun, if it worked would be able to extract any memory from a person and project it onto whatever surface was available. All that was needed was for someone to type in a name onto the small dial on the side.

The kids watched as McGucket typed in the memory he wanted to see, raised the gun to his eyeball, put his finger on the trigger and…

“Remember, if anything happens to me…”

“We are to cremate you amongst your equipment.” Said Dipper.

“And we’re to live with your son Tate over in Clambridge.” Finished Mabel

He nodded, raised the gun to his eyeball, and…

“And also, I leave it all to you two…”

“So that together we may put it to good use.”

He nodded, raised the gun to his eyeball and…

“Just remember I love you both very much.”

“We love you too. Now go on. It’ll work.”

He nodded, and one again raised the gun to his eyeball, and…

“Maybe we should do this outside…”

“JUST DO IT!” they yelled in unison.

He pulled the trigger. A beam of light shot through his pupil, causing it to dilate unnaturally. Through his other eye shot an image on the far wall. The projection showed a young Fiddleford dressed in a fancy jacket, walking up to a woman in a golden dress.

“Oh, my wedding day!” he grinned and lowered the gun. The three of them watched as he stammered through his vows.

“Maddie wasn’t a very dressy woman but did she ever fill out those ruffles.” He beamed, lost in thought.

The projected memory continued for a few minutes, than flickered out. Mcgucket blinked and rubbed his eyes. “How you feeling?” Mabel asked.

“Well my heads a bit numb but otherwise I’m right as rain.”

“So it works?” asked Dipper

“It works!” his Uncle yelled jubilantly. “Pack your bags, hitch up Gompers, we’re off to the fair!” He took two confident steps towards the door, than promptly fell over.

Chapter Text

It was unseasonably warm that late November evening, so the little trio set off in their goat-drawn cart wearing only light jackets. Mcgucket sat up front holding the reins to Gompers the goat (they couldn’t afford a horse) while Dipper and Mabel sat in back with their traveling supplies and the memory gun. Dipper was sunk into his book while Mabel busied herself with knitting.

After a while, her thoughts turned to her brother. Dipper was undeniably clever, and had taken after Uncle Fiddle in terms of invention. Not big ambitious things, just fun little toys and tools; like the lantern made with colored glass that they used for shadow puppets, or the wind blower they used to clear the yard of leaves, or best of all, the grappling hook he had made her for their birthday back in August (she had made him a special vest lined with inside pockets) And he was always eager to learn more, especially about the strange creatures that were said to live in the Gravity Falls woods.

“Do you think we’ll see anything cool?” he asked when they got out supper, “Like gnomes or tree creatures?”

“Probly not.” Fiddle answered in between bites of his sandwich, “This time of year, all them crazy critters are getting ready for their hibernanation.. hibation.. Their winter sleep.”

“Dang it!” Dipper flipped his head backwards. Fiddle chuckled. “But don’t ya’ll worry. We’ll see plenty of fun stuff on our trip.”

They continued on in relative peace. Not much happening. After a point, Uncle Fiddle started singing a song he was fond of. All three of them loved music, although none of them were very good at it.

He sang out:

“Someone to care for, to be there for, I have”-

“Us two.” They responded.

“Someone to do for, muddle through for, I have”-

“Us two.”

“It seems, we three get along so famously cause-

You two, have me, and I have you two tooooOOOO! OOF!”

They all jerked forward as the cart came to an abrupt stop.

‘What in tarnation?” Mcgucket grumbled as he looked over the side. It seemed that Gompers had accidentally wandered off-road into a ditch. The goat, apparently unhurt, was happily munching on some ivy.

“What now?” Asked Mabel. Mcgucket scratched his head; “Well we’re too far from town, and the fair is still a ways’ away.” He peered in the distance. This area was unfamiliar to him and he’d heard stories about travelers getting lost or being attacked. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check.

“You two wait here.” He said, unhitching Gompers and climbing on top him, “I’m gonna go look fer help.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Mcgucket rode through the woods on Gompers, trying to keep calm. Nothing looked familiar and it was starting to get dark. It wouldn’t be long until the sun set and then they would all be in big trouble.

  Suddenly he heard howling and turned to see a wolf among the distant trees.

“Huh.” He squinted. Is that wolf tiny, or just in perspective?” The wolf growled and ran towards him. “Ahh! Perspective!” he panicked and urged Gompers to go faster.

  Other pack members soon joined the wolf. They had had a lean Autumn and were eager for fresh meat. Many times they were nearly upon the old man but each time he managed to drive them off. Once he even twisted around in his seat to kick off a wolf that was snapping at Gompers’ tail.

  The chase lead them this way and that, until an especially sharp turn caused Mcgucket to fall off his mount and tumble to the ground. Gompers kept running, the wolves hot on his hooves.

  Mcgucket sat up and rubbed his back. He felt sore all over. More so then he usually did. This was no way for a man of his age to get around. Standing up, he looked to see a massive wrought iron gate attached to an equally massive wall. Colorful strings had been tied around the bars and strange symbols were carved into the stone. Beyond it, he could see a tall elegant castle built into the cliffside.

  The bearded man’s eyes widened. “Could it be?” he whispered, looking up at the crest that adorned the gate. He nudged it, hearing the door creak as it opened just slightly. Suddenly, the wolves howled again. Not stopping to think, he scramble though the opening and shoved the door closed.

Once inside, he took a canteen from under his beard and took a swig. He avoided drinking around the kids but goodness if he didn’t need one now. He went up to the front doors. They were so big that they had smaller doors built into them. He went for the one on the left. Opening it with caution, he called out “Hello?” The place was dimly lit, but he could see a bright light a little ways away.

As he walked through the surprisingly clean area, he heard hushed voices speaking to each other. And then a girls’ voice called out “Come in, make yourself welcome.”

“Oh thanks. For a minute there I thought-” but when he reached the next room –the parlor- as he remembered- no one was there. Just a table set for a dinner of one.

“That’s funny.” He said as he leaned down to inspect the meal. Roast beef with potatoes, his favorite. Not knowing what else to do, he sat down and started eating.

“My wards are back out on the road.” He said in between bites. “We were on a trip through the woods but our cart got stuck in a ditch and my goat was chased off by wolves…” He paused, hearing some agitated whispers coming from somewhere close.

“we waited too long! now it’s too late to get him!”

“wendy what do we do?”

“hold on, I’m thinking, I’m thinking.” Against all reason, the voices seemed to be coming from right under the table.

He lifted the tablecloth and the strangest sight met his eyes. An axe, a hammer, and a feather duster were all standing upright and talking to each other! They looked at him (with their eyes!) and then the hammer chuckled; “Uh, hey.”

“Holly slip-slapping skullduggery!” Mcgucket exclaimed and pulled out his flask. “The drink’s finally getten’ ta me! I’ll never touch another drop!”

“Exactly!” said the axe in a woman’s voice (the same one he’d heard earlier) “This is all an illusion caused by too much imbibing! You’d better leave soon before-”

She was cut of as Mcgucket picked her up by her handle. He examined her closely. She was a double-bladed axe with a green scarf tied around her shaft. On her flat side, instead of his own reflection, Mcgucket saw the profile of a young freckle-faced woman.

“Extraordinary.” He whispered, than looked down. The hammer was tapping gently on his leg with his head.

“Excuse me dude, but you said something about having kids?”

“Huh? Oh yeah ya heard that.” He gently set the axe girl down and straitened up. “I’m starting to wish I’d brought them with me. They’d have loved it here.”

He walked around the room, his meal completely forgotten. At one area he saw an entrance to a sitting room. It was dimly lit, but still lovely. There were potted plants, mounted animals, a bunch of sad clown paintings, and a big table full of strange trinkets. There was also an armchair with a face embedded in the cushions.

“Would you like to sit down?” She asked in an old womans’ voice. Mcgucket stared at her for a second, and then said “Thank you Madam, but no.” as politely as he could. Now he knew he wasn’t dreaming. He wasn’t this creative.

“Okay, I take my nap now.” She said and leaned over, reclining herself.

Behind him, Mcgucket could hear the little objects chattering to each other in worried tones. Something about telling someone something. He almost turned around to ask what was up, but then he saw the table.

There were some beautiful contraptions; among which was a machine round and tiered like a rich man’s wedding cake. Mcgucket was instantly intrigued.

“What a cute little doo-dad!” he exclaimed as he examined it, heedless of the frightened looks thrown his way. He noticed a wind-up key on top and started turning it. Like clockwork the top tiers spun around and cheerful music filled the room. So entrancing was it, that no one heard the approaching footsteps until it was too late.

“See something you like?” came a voice. Mcgucket turned around, and wished he really were dreaming. There stood the silhouette of a large hulking creature wearing a tattered cloak.

“In some counties this is called breaking and entering.” The creature said in a low gravelly tone. The tools gathered around him, trying to get his attention.

“Master, don’t do anything rash.”

“We didn’t mean for him to come this far!”

“I was just about to get you!”

The strange beast came closer, walking on all fours like an animal. Mcgucket stood frozen in shock, unable to look away. Up close he could see that this “Master” had lots of fur, and horns, and big sharp teeth.

“What are you staring at?” the beast demanded.

“Staring? Oh no I wasn’t staring. In fact I have te-terribible eyesight. Now if ya’ll don’t mind. I’ll jest-

As he spoke, he fearfully backed away. Not seeing where he was going his back bumped into the table where the music box was still playing. That bump was enough to jostle the machine, which as everyone turned to look fell on its’ side, rolled off the table, and fell to the floor with a crash.

The beast gazed at the ruined heap of metal, then back at the bearded man. “I really liked that tune.” He said with forced calmness, than lunged.

Mcgucket squealed as the beast grabbed his beard and dragged him off. “Wait wait wait! You don’t have to do this I can fix it!”

“You can’t fix anything!” the beast snapped. And as the frightened objects watched, he dragged the man out the door and into the hall.

Chapter Text

“Check this. Third branch from the left, twenty feet away, with my eyes closed.”

“Okay, but if you miss you have to be my lab assistant for a week.”

“And if I make it, you spend a week calling me “Big Sister””

“You’re on.”

While Uncle was gone, the kids had decided to entertain themselves with a little game of grab-that-thing-with-the-grappling-hook. They’d become so caught up in the game that they didn’t notice the sun getting lower or the air getting colder. It wasn’t until Mabel got a glimpse of the sunset through the trees that she realized that Uncle had been gone a long time.

“Say Dipper, how long would it take to find help around here?” They looked to the woods.

“Oh man, I didn’t think of that,” said Dipper, “It’s been hours!” He started to get worried. “He might be lost out there, or hurt.”

Just then, who should come tearing out of the forest but Gompers, panicked and bleating like all get-out.

“Whoa, whoa! Easy boy.” The twins grabbed him and tried to calm him. Dipper looked the way he came, hoping to see Uncle Fiddle running up out of breath. But nothing. No one. Not good.

Mabel looked down the road. “What could have happened?” She asked. Dipper shrugged.

“I don’t know. But at least he left a trail we can backtrack.” They looked at each other and nodded. Then they gathered up the supplies from the wagon, lit a lantern, and climbed on top of Gompers together.

“Ready to head into the unknown?”
“Nope. Let’s do it.”

After an hour it was completely dark, and the two children were hoarse from calling out their Uncles’ name over and over. A distant howl sent shivers up their backs, and Gompers fearfully trotted faster despite his exhaustion. Soon enough, they noticed lights through the trees and went towards them. Their eyes met with the sight of the castle.

“Wow…” they whispered together.

Inside the foyer, the three tools were locked in debate.

“How could you let this happen Wendy?” the duster asked the axe.

“I don’t know Tambry, maybe I was distracted by the fact that you forgot to lock the doors again!” the axe snapped back at her.

“Um, guys…” the hammer started,

“CAN IT SOOS!” the girls yelled in unison. Then they heard the door creak.

“I think someone’s coming.” He whispered.

They all immediately stilled themselves. Acting inanimate, they squinted their eyes to see two children wander in. Three in one day: that had to be a new record.

“Look, tools!” Dipper exclaimed. “These could be useful.” He went to pick up what he thought was a simple, green handled claw hammer.

“Yeah!” said Mabel picking up the axe. “Beware evil castle squatters! Ree ree ree!” They walked off. Behind them, Tambry the feather duster reached out and whimpered.

They wandered up and down the corridors, whispering for their guardian. A scuffling noise sent them in the direction of a staircase that led up a big prison tower. Upwards, they could see candles burning on little stands between the cells. It was still pretty dark though. Out of the darkness, someone ran into them.

“Uncle!’ they exclaimed.

“Oh kids! Phew!” The man hugged them to his chest. “I picked my lock with my beard. Come now. Let’s go before he gets back!”

“Before who gets back?” Dipper hissed, and was answered be a primal roar. Something very big was running up the stairs.

“WAAAH! Get behind me!” Uncle yelled as he scrambled in front of them. In the dim light of the candles, they could see a massive, gray, horned creature that looked like a cross between a bear and a lion, with a ragged maroon cloak hanging off it’s shoulders.

“More trespassers!” it –he- growled, “And thieves to boot!” He crouched down, ready for a fight. Dipper and Mabel braced themselves, coming from behind Uncle and holding up their makeshift weapons. Dipper was about to give a warning swing with the hammer when he felt it twist around in his hands. Mabel felt the same thing happen with the axe; she couldn’t hold it the way she wanted. It seemed to be trying to get away from her. With a final jerk, both tools fell from the kids’ hands and skittered away.

“L-look,” McGucket stammered, “This is all a big misunderstanding. One we don’t need to involve the kids in. So why don’t we just~”

The Beast cut him off with another roar. “YOU came into MY home, riffled through MY belongings, destroyed MY personal treasure, and you don’t even have the decency to STAY IN YOUR CELL!!” Dipper looked back at the old man; “You really did that?” he whispered. McGucket shrugged. “I offered to fix it.” He squeaked.

“Not the point!” The Beast snapped, “You caused damage under my roof, and by law yer now in my debt and are obliged to work off that debt until it’s cleared!”

“How-how long do I need to work it off?” He fearfully asked.

The Beast leaned back on his hunches. “Since you’ve asked, six months.”

What?” said Mabel, “That can’t be fair!” the Beast glared at her. “I say what’s fair under this castle, and unless yer offering to stay with him, YOU can leave.” He got up and made to grab McGucket again.

“WAIT!” called Dipper, without thinking, “What if we offered to stay instead of him?”

“What?” said Mabel, looking at him in shock.

“What?” said the Beast, flicking his long ears.

“What?” said Uncle, turning to look at his ward.

“What?” hissed Soos and Wendy, hiding on the lower stairs.

“Yeah yeah yeah.” He nodded his head. “Think about it, wouldn’t two young workers be better than one old worker? We could do a lot more in six months than he could all by himself.”

“Dipper don’t~” The Beast hissed at McGucket before he could keep talking, then turned to Dipper. “You’d really do that?” he asked, his voice suddenly becoming much calmer. Dipper shuffled on his feet. “Well, I would.” He looked over at his sister. “Mabel?”

“Oh, you can count me in!” She said enthusiastically. The Beast pondered this, stroking his mane. Up close, Dipper could see bones and feathers stuck into the holes in his cloak. And in front, he could make out a golden clasp styled to look like a fish with food in its’ mouth.

“You can’t be really considering this.” McGucket protested, “As their legal guardian, I refuse to~”

“DEAL!” for the third time, McGucket was interrupted, and this time, the Beast plucked him away from the kids and held him up. “Say your good byes and make them snappy.”

Fiddle looked back and forth between his kids. “Dumplings, don’t do this.” He pleaded.

“Good bye Uncle,” said Mabel.

“We’ll see you soon,” added Dipper.

And with that, the old man was carried off, screaming all the while. Once the screams faded, Dipper let out a sigh and slid down to a sitting position. That had really just happened. He held up his hands and saw that they were shaking, and he could feel tears pricking his eyes. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Mabel who gave him a weak smile. “That was really brave of you.” She said.

“Boy I’ll say!” came a voice. The hammer hopped up from the lower step and stood in front of the kids. “That was like something you read about in old Viking epics!”

Both twins stared at him open-mouthed. Mabel in delight and Dipper in wonder.

“T-talking…” he stuttered while Mabel let out a quiet squeal. And then to add to it, the axe hopped up next to the hammer. “Aw man that was amazing! The Boss was all “He’s staying with me!” and you were all “We’ll stay instead!” We haven’t had that much excitement in years!”

“Uh… Thanks?” Dipper said.

“Oh my goodnesssss” Mabel giggled, “Are you guys magic?”

The axe and hammer glanced at each other; “Sort of.” Said the axe. The hammer waved his prongs like arms. “Anywho, we should introduce ourselves. I’m Soos, short for Jesus (hey-soos) and this is my friend Wendy.” He came closer. “Who are you two?”

“Well, I’m Dipper, this is Mabel, and this might be the craziest night of our entire lives.”

Outside, the Beast dragged McGucket over to a carriage that, instead of wheels, had six long, wooden legs. The Beast rapped on it with his fist.

“Thomson! Wake up!” A big pair of eyes opened on the front window.

“Huh? Yes sir?”

“Do you know the way to town?”

“Oh yes indeed sir.”

“Good. Go drop him off.” He opened the door and flung McGucket inside.

“Right away sir.” Thomson the carriage got up on his legs and walked away like a massive ant.

With that done, the Beast went back inside, where he was met by Tambry the feather duster. “Hey Boss,” she spoke quickly, “Couldn’t help but overhear what went on, (mostly because you were all yelling really loud) and I got to ask; Are we really keeping those kids for six months”

The Beast glared at her. “We are not ‘keeping’ them. They’re not pets. They’re just… going to help with some of the repairs around here. The boy’s right; two young helpers would be a lot more handy than one old kook.”

“Said the old curmudgeon.”

“Watch it. This old curmudgeon is still your boss.”

“Okay, but they are staying with us for a long time right?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Awesome! I’ll go tell the others.” She scurried off, her feathers making a scratching sound on the tiled floor. The Beast arched his back and went back up to the tower.

Up there, he saw Soos and Wendy chatting up the kids. Figures. They always were the most eager for conversation. He cleared his throat, and everyone immediately went quiet and straightened up. He rocked on his paws before speaking.

“Come on, I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“Huh?” said Dipper. Mabel pointed back towards the cells. “We thought we…”

“You want to stay up here?” the Beast raised an eyebrow.

“Oh no no.” they said together, “We’ll follow you.” The Beast nodded and turned around. The twins followed him, glancing back at Wendy and Soos who called out “Don’t worry! We’ll talk more later!”

As they were lead around the massive stairs and hallways, the twin gazed around at their strange surroundings. Glass-lights lit up the place from the walls and ceiling, and whispers were coming from every corner. Painted on the walls was a mural depicting a massive forest with all manner of strange creatures peeking from behind the trees.

“You two will be sleeping in the east wing of the castle. When your chores are done, you can explore the grounds all you like. Three rules though: No leaving the grounds, no going in the basement and no going in the west wing.”

“Why can’t we go in there?” Dipper asked. The Beast turned to look at him: “Because that’s where I sleep. You don’t see me coming to your house and rooting through your rooms do ya?” he turned back around. “No you don’t.”

Dipper stared at him. Mabel stifled a laugh. This guy was getting less intimidating by the minute.

Eventually, he brought them to a door that opened to a fancy bedroom.

“I’ll have the servants send you some dinner. Get some rest. Big day tomorrow.”

As soon as the door shut, the twins raced to the canopy bed. Crawling under the covers, they clung to each other until eventually they fell asleep.

Later that night, the Beast paced back and forth in his own room. It was a wreck to say the least, only a few pieces of furniture on the far wall stood upright. Among them was a wooden desk with a glass case. Within that open case there was an open blank book. As he paced the Beast muttered, seemingly to himself.

“I can’t believe I agreed to that. What was I thinking? I should’ve just told them to pay for the damage (not that it would’ve done us much good, but still…) now we’ve got two little brats shacking up with us! And you know it’s only a matter of time before they start snooping around…” He trailed off as the books’ pages started rustling. As if written by an unseen hand, letters appeared on the off-white paper.

                                                                                         Look…

Then, by themselves, the pages, flipped to the middle of the book where one of the pages came loose, detached from the binding, and fluttered from the desk to the floor.

The Beast let out a shuttering sigh, stooped down, and carefully picked up the page; now yellow and stained. Then he opened the desk drawer and gently set the paper on top on several others.

Knelling before the desk he pressed his face against the open book. “It’s hopeless,” he murmured, “I’m so sorry Sixer.” His voice wavered as he squeezed the sides of the desk.

“I- I mean who could ever love a… a BEAST like me?”

Chapter Text

The children stirred slightly when a tray was wheeled into their room with food, but they didn’t get up. Around nine o’clock they awoke to the sound of distant doors slamming and the sound of something being dragged along the floor. At one point there was a thud and a groan and a voice going “Son of a~” They covered their ears to keep from hearing the rest. And they shivered themselves back to sleep.
Around twelve their hunger was too much to ignore, so they fumbled around in the dark room until they found some chairs. Then they sat at the tray and lifted the covered lid to reveal a tureen of soup. The soup was cold, but still tasty. They ate in silence by the dim light coming through the window.
In the morning, a soft knocking came from the door. Dipper got up first, rubbing his eyes. In the daylight he could see how fancy their room really was. Against one wall was a sofa, a vanity with a big ornate mirror, and a massive wardrobe. The floor was covered by a thick Persian rug. A crystal lamp hung from the ceiling. And the room was huge. It was like the room of a queen.
“Come in.” he said as Mabel slowly roused herself. The door handle shook and in came Soos, Wendy, and the feather duster from last night. (In the light, he could see that some of her feathers were bright purple.) “Morning Dudes! Good to see you!” Soos called out, hopping down from the handle he’d opened with his head.
“Uh, good morning.” Said Dipper, still adjusting to talking tools. “What’s up?” Wendy came up to him. “We’re here to give you a wake-up call, and invite you to the kitchen for breakfast.” She said.

“Can we really come down?” asked Mabel, getting to her feet.
“Oh sure,” said Soos pulling on the hem of her dress with his prongs. “Be our guest.” They were about to step out when a voice called out “Hang on!” They turned to the vanity in which their reflections were replaced by the image of a blond girl in a fancy purple dress. She glared at hem with her arms crossed.
“You can’t go out dressed like that.” She said matter-of-factly. “Those are the same clothes you wore yesterday.” She turned to the wardrobe. “Grenda wake up! We have people to dress!” The wardrobe made a snorting sound and two eyes opened up on top. “OH! Hi friends!” she said in a surprisingly deep voice. Dipper took a step back while Mabel grinned ear to ear. “Hi!” she said. Grenda looked her up and down. “Oh, we can work with this.” She opened herself up, revealing several dresses. “Hey Candy, get over here!” From the opposite corner, A black coatrack walked towards them. She had a feminine face with wire glasses, hair woven into a bun, and her four arms each ended in tiny doll-like hands. “Pleasure to meet you.” She said, giving them an Asian-style bow. “My name is Candy, and you have met Grenda and Pacifica. We will help you get dressed for the day.”
“Pacifica?” They turned to the vanity. The girl in the mirror gave her hair a becoming toss. “As if you’re one to comment on names.”

Mabel was excited for this. Dipper not so much.
“It doesn’t look like you have anything for me.” He said, backing away. “So I’ll just~”
“Wait.” Said Pacifica and turned to her comrade. “Candy, go to that… one room and bring back as many clothes as you can carry.” Candy nodded. “I’m on it.” As Mabel was shuffled behind a room divider, Dipper sat back on the mattress. “What’s up with them?” he asked Wendy. “We’re not sure.” The axe replied and Dipper found himself smiling.
“So,” said Pacifica, looking Dipper up and down. “I take it long hair has come back into fashion for boys?”
“No. I don’t know. My hair doesn’t grow very fast.”
“Hmm.” She raised an eye brow

A few minutes later, Candy came back with her four arms full of boy’s cloths. They were all very fancy, and old-fashioned, like something he’d see in a painting. He decided on a pair of breeches and a salmon colored shirt, which he put his special vest on top of. Mabel after much deliberation, came out from the divider wearing a long skirt and a turquoise riding jacket.
“Very nice.” Pacifica said in approval. “Much better.”
“Okay. Let’s go eat.”

Soos lead them down to the kitchen, where a medley of pots and bowls hooped this way and that. Against the wall stood a giant cast-iron stove with the etching of a pretty girl on the piping. Soos introduced her as Melody. The one in charge of all this was a coffee pot who told them “Sit down” in a cheery old woman’s voice. At first, they thought she only had one eye because her left eyelid kept drooping.
“Hi kids!” she said brightly, “I’m Susan Wentworth. But you can call me Lazy Sue. What can I get you cuties? I’ll cook you anything.”
“Anything?” the twins asked in unison. They looked at each other and smiled. “Pancakes!”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

As the kids enjoyed their breakfast, back in town, Gideon was giving one of his performances for the people. The people of Gravity Falls were honest, hard workers who were content with the simple things. But as far as Gideon was concerned, that didn’t make up for the fact that they were all dirt-brained idiots. Anyone with proper observation skills could’ve see the cold front coming. The only reason people heeded him was because of his familys’ standing. But he smiled, he listened, he sang and danced to earn their trust.

I can see what others cannot see,
It aint no sideshow trick, it’s innate ability.
Where others are blind, I am futurely inclined
You too can see,
If you was widdle ol’ me!

Suddenly, who should come rushing through town but Old Man McGucket. And he seemed especially manic today. “Help! Help! He’s got them! We got ‘a save them!” He grabbed onto the sheriff and started pulling on him. “C’mon, if we leave now, we can retrace the tracks!”
“Whoa now, ol’ feller,” said Gideon atop his stage, “What are you trying to track?”

“THE BEAST OF THE WOODS IS REAL!!” McGucket screamed, “I found the old castle… Beast is in there… Now the kids are in there… And we’ve got to save ‘em!”
He rambled on, heedless of the people snickering behind him.
“Right…” said Sheriff Blubs derisively, “Are you sure they didn’t just go in another room and you forgot where they were?”
“HEY!” McGucket flicked around and jerked a finger at him. “That only happened once and I was really tired.” He turned to the growing crowd of sceptics
“I’m telling you, he’s real and he’s big and…”
“Did he have grey fur and a red cloak?” asked Tad. Durland nudged the man. “Don’t encourage him.” He whispered.
“Yes, red cape big horns, sharp teeth, have you seen him?”
“I haven’t, but some of my colleges have. There are a lot of sightings on the road.”
People started murmuring to each other. It was one thing when the town madman saw things, but when respectable salesmen saw the same thing, that was a different story. McGucket was thrilled to find someone who believed him.
“Oh this is good. We can get supplies, and form a posse, and head strait back to THWACK!” Out of nowhere, a soup pot knocked the old man in the head. He smiled, staggered, and fell to the ground. The crowd turned to see a young pale man in a black tunic standing there awkwardly.
“Uh, hey. I’m with the Old Kooks’ Home in the next town over, and I was sent to pick up our latest patient.” The youth chuckled nervously. “Yeah, poor guy had a breakdown so we were called over to… take care of things.” The people all sighed in relief.
“What about the kids?” asked the librarian from amongst the crowed.
“Hmm, oh yeah, they’re fine. They’re… they’re… they are with a relative.” He kept chuckling as he walked up to McGucket. “Come here you.” He said, taking the senseless man by his feet and dragging him off.

Gideon stood on the stage, eyeing the scene. “Hmmm.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

After a pancake breakfast with lots of syrup, Dipper and Mabel pushed back their plates with utter satisfaction. Patting his stomach, Dipper looked around. “So does the “Master” not eat this early?” he asked.
“He prefers to eat in his room.” Lazy Sue replied as she poured more cider in his mug. “If you want to speak to him, he’ll hear you from the upper rooms.”
Neither twin really wanted to speak to the Beast, but they knew they would eventually have to, so they got up and went back to the main foyer.
“Mister Beast! Are You Up There?” Dipper called out. No answer. He was about to try again when “BOO!”
They shrieked and leaped away. Behind them, the Beast leaned against the door frame, half-hidden by shadows. He laughed until he started coughing and pounded his chest. “Hagh, hagh. Worth it.” He rasped, then straitened up. “Sorry about that. I couldn’t resist.” He turned to the kitchen. “Soos!” The green hammer bounded up to him and leapt into his outstretched ‘hand’. In the daylight his fur looked even paler and his cloak looked more ragged; with little bones and feathers woven into it.
“Come on, the north stairs are coming loose again.” He set Soos on his shoulder and made to leave.

“So, what kind of work do you want us to do?” Dipper asked.
“Huh? Oh yeah, ummm…” he pointed at Mabel. “You go help in the stable.” Then he pointed at Dipper. “And you go help Wendy chop firewood.” He walked off. “You can take a break at lunch.”
Dipper followed Wendy to the boiler room, which housed a massive boiler the likes of which he had never seen before. Even the latest models used by nobles weren’t this advanced. Dipper stared at it a full minute before focusing on his task.
“Here,” Wendy said, directing him to a sharpened, non-sentient axe, “Just split the logs we give you in half. If it gets too hot in here, there’s a chopping stand outside you can use.”
The work was exhausting. It took him ten minutes to chop one log. After an hour he was running outside, gasping for breath. Wendy assured him there was no pressure. She and the other workers had trouble when they first started.

Mabel reunited with Gompers in the stable. She also met a bunch of farm tools that were too excited about having someone in one of their stalls. Halfway through raking leaves, a wooden bench covered in hay waddled up to her. It nudged her dress while making snorting sounds. She loved it immediately.

At lunch, the twins went back to the kitchen where the staff happily made them fried ham sandwiches. They were very attentive.
“I hope you don’t mind,” said Susan, “It’s just been so long sense we actually got to take care of somebody.”
“No problem.” Said Mabel, “We love being taken care of.”

At one point, they saw the Beast make his way outside.
“Where are you going?” Mabel asked.
“Hunting.” He said bluntly, and closed the gate behind him.

After work, they were too tired to do any exploring. So, they nibbled at dinner and followed Soos back up to their rooms where Grenda, Candy, and Pacifica had made them both some night clothes. The next day, it started snowing. And the twins were told to salt the pathway. When they were done, they spent the rest of the day catching flurries.
The day after that, they were made to clean the vents. That was fun because they got to crawl around between the walls. But they also got absolutely filthy and had to be washed (the bathrooms in this place were phenomenal).

The days lapsed into a steady pattern. When not working, the kids were introduced to other castle staff. There was Tambry the duster, of course, and Thomson the coach. They also met two candlesticks named Nate and Lee, a shy grandfather clock named Blendin, and a quintet of white enameled instruments (that Mabel utterly adored).

They didn’t see much of the Beast. He spent most of his time hunting or holed up in his room. Once while chopping wood outside, Dipper looked up and saw the Beast watching him from one of the balconies. He almost thought he saw him smiling. It seemed they would spend their three months at the castle without interacting with their host.

Then after a week, they got lost in the hallway. And wandered into the West Wing.

Chapter Text

“Dipper, I think we took a wrong turn.”

“I think we took a lot of wrong turns Mabel.”

  The twins checked their surroundings. This was definitely not a place they had been to before. Looking out the nearest window, Dipper could see the sun setting. “It looks like we’re in the West Wing.” He said.

 “Really?” said Mabel. They looked down the hall. Unlike the rest of the castle- which was somewhat inviting- this place was foreboding and filthy.

“You know,” said Mabel, “If Bluebeards’ wife hadn’t gone into the forbidden room, he wouldn’t have tried to kill her.”

 “Yeah. But then she would have spent the rest of her life married to a serial killer.” Dipper pointed out

 “Good point.”

  So, they walked on, holding hands. The hall looked like it hadn’t been touched in decades. There were cobwebs on the ceiling and layers of dust on the ground. All the doors were shut tight and all the furniture had been knocked over or broken.

 In the east wing, there were bedrooms, sitting rooms, and even a dusty old ballroom. Wendy once said there was also a library that was being refurbished.

 “I had some good times in that place.” She had said. “Sneaking out of work and kicking back with a fun book in my hands.” Dipper perked up when she said that. “So you did used to be human.” He exclaimed, “I was wondering about that.”

  It had been in searching for the library that they had gotten lost. Although, this was far more intriguing. At one point, they passed by a deer carcass picked clean to the bone. Mabel gagged, Dipper looked away. At another point, they cautiously opened a door to reveal a playroom with a big toy ship. On the wall was a flag with a strange coat of arms.

  Finally, at the end of the hallway, there was a master bedroom with the doors busted in. There was no doubt that this was where the Beast slept. If the hall was bad, this was a disaster scene. Smashed mirrors, splintered chairs, and a bed shredded into an unruly nest. Both twins cringed simultaneously.

 “And I thought our house was messy.” Said Mable.   

  Due to the rooms’ size, they decided to split up and explore different parts of it. At the far end were French windows that opened out onto a balcony. Hanging on the wall near it was a series of lopsided paintings. Dipper examined each one carefully

  One of them was a family portrait of four people in costly clothes. Three of the faces had been ripped up, but one, a young man of eighteen, smiled out at him. He wore big glasses and had dark brown hair. His hand was raised as if he were waving. Dipper squinted. There was something off about his fingers…

 “Hey Dipper look!” Mabel waved him over to her corner, where she found the only upright piece of furniture in the whole place. A wooden desk with a leather-bound book sitting in a glass case. As he came closer, Dipper could see a gold hand emblazed on the cover that gave a soft glow. For a second, he could almost see a face.

“It’s just like the ones at the store.” Mabel whispered. Dipper huffed.

“Who’ve thought the Beast was into writing?”

 “Maybe it’s a book of spells.” She suggested.

 “Or a list of victims.”

Either way, they lifted up the glass lid for a better look. Before either one could touch it, the book opened on its’ own and flipped its’ pages to the middle.

 “Huh?’ Dipper stared at it. “It’s blank?”

But even as he said this, letters appeared as if written by an invisible hand; forming in neat cursive script;

Greetings!

 Dipper and Mable stared at it, jaws slack, unable to wrap their heads around it. (and unable to hear the quiet foot pads coming towards them) The letters twitched, then more appeared, written somewhat more hesitantly.

Do people still say greetings?

  As the kids processed this, a shadow fell over them. A big shadow. They turn to see none other than the Beast standing behind them. He looked furious. With deadly speed he ran around them, they backed away just as he slammed the lid back down on the case.

 “Why are you here!?” he demanded.

 “We were lost…” Dipper trembled.

 “I told you not to come here!!!”

 “We’re sorry, we~”

 “Do You Realize What You Could Have Done!!?” He flung out his paw, nearly knocking them over. “Get Out!” he roared

 “Please don’t!” screamed Mabel, but he wasn’t listening. He just flailed about, smashing already broken objects against the wall and floor.

 “GET OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!”

 Dipper grabbed Mabels’ hand and they sped away. Neither looked back. If they had, they would have seen his face fill with remorse. By the time they were out of sight, he was hanging his head in shame.

  Down in the front room, Soos was pounding in some fresh nails into the wall.

 “Do you think the twins would help us re-hang the old portraits?” He asked Wendy between thuds. “Couldn’t hurt to ask.” She replied.

 Then who should come tearing out of the West Wing than said twins.

“RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!!!” Dipper urged his sister on as they ran down the stairs, grabbed their cloaks, and headed to the door. The tools followed them with confused panic. “What’s up?’ asked Tambry, sweeping into the room.

 “Deal or no deal, we’re NOT staying here anymore!” yelled Mabel without turning around.

 “Wait, wait, wait! Come back! Whatever it was, he didn’t mean it!” Soos yelled out.

 “Guys don’t! There are~” They slammed the doors shut before she could say “wolves.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

They got Gompers from the stable, ignoring the protests of the tools. Waddles tried to run after them, but he fell over in the slush.

  They were ten feet out of the gate when they heard the howling. The wolves were still hungry, and here came three wholesome meals. Dipper and Mabel found their path blocked by a grey male who lunged at them.

 “AHHH! Evasive maneuvers!” They yelled as they twisted Gompers to a hard left. They didn’t know the terrain very well, but Dipper had seen enough of it from the castle to know where to find the cliff.

  They dodge a tree branch, heavy with snow. Mabel flicked it with her hand so it would dump its’ load onto the wolf. The wolf pursued them in disoriented fury. They led him up higher and higher until they reached a massive mound of snow. As the wolf made a final lunge, they veered right at the last second. And the wolf plowed through the snow and over the edge. The Pines twins took a moment to watch as he landed on a ledge of stone.

 “Ha! Yes! High five!” they celebrated their small victory, but then, they heard growling.

More wolves approached them. And they all looked angry.

  They urged Gompers to run in another direction. But outwitting one wolf was nothing to outwitting a whole pack. Soon they were surrounded on all sides. Gompers panicked as a wolf snapped at him, and the twins were thrown off. Dipper scrambled to his feet and fumbled for a branch to as a weapon. Mabel held on to the beloved goat and kicked at snapping jaws with her feet. One wolf lunged at her. It latched its’ teeth onto her cloak, pulling her to the ground.

 “DIPPER!”

 “MABEL!”

  Dipper tried to come to his sisters’ aid, but another wolf sprang at him. It was all he could do to hold it back with the branch. An old black wolf came from the crowd, and leapt at Mabel. She screamed and braced herself. But the wolf never reached her.

  A big hairy claw plucked the wolf from the air and held it up. Mabel opened to eyes to see the Beast standing over them, roaring like a lion. He flung the old wolf away and scared off the one biting her cloak. Then he went for the one attacking Dipper.

  The pack directed their strength to this new, bigger target. The twins watched in awe as Beast fended off one attacker after another. One female clawed his right arm, leaving a big gash. He responded by flinging her into a tree. The wolf hit it with a hard crunch then limply landed in the snow. The pack, seeing their comrade so effortlessly killed, turned tail and ran. The Beast gave one last roar at the retreating wolves. Then turning to the twins, he gave a weary half-smile, wobbled back and forth, then flopped onto the ground.

  Dipper and Mabel ran for the goat, ready to go home and forget all this craziness. Then they looked back at their sudden savoir. Blood covered his right side, His cloak was shredded beyond repair, snow had started falling again, threating to cover him up. He looked just like the injured animals they would sometimes find near the shack.

  They looked at him, then at the path, then at each-other. Then a rare moment of synchronized thinking came over them. Scary or not, brutish or not, he went out of his way to save them, and leaving him behind would be wrong.

  The Beast slowly came around, trying to get his mind together. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the boy -Dipper- smiling at him.

 “Come on. We’ll help you get home.”

So, with his good arm leaning on the goat, and the kids supporting his right, the odd little quartet began the long cold journey back to the castle.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

An hour later:

 “That hurt!” the Beast roared as Dipper pressed a wet washcloth onto his wound. On the parlor floor, Soos, Wendy, Tambry, and Miss Susan all wisely kept their distance.

 “Well, if you’d hold still, it wouldn’t hurt so much!” Dipper snapped back. He and Mabel had stripped themselves of their wet clothes, so he wore nothing but his trousers. The Beast continued fuming.

 “You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t run away!”

 “Well, if you hadn’t frightened us, we wouldn’t have run away!” said Mabel sitting by the fireplace in her slip. He glared at her.

 “… Well, YOU shouldn’t have gone into the West Wing!” He finally said.

 “Well, YOU need to learn to ease up a little!” said Dipper, “It’s not like we were hurting anything.”

 He paused. That was true. Dipper pressed the washcloth on him again, gentler this time.

 “By the way…” he said as the Beast winced, “Thank you, for saving us back there.”

 “Yeah, we would’ve been wolf food if it hadn’t been for you.” Mabel chimed in.

  The Beast started at this. It had been a long time since anyone had thanked him for anything. It felt… kind of good.

 “… You’re welcome.” He said in a small voice.

  It was quite for a moment. Then Miss Susan chimed in.

 “I was telling him the other day how good you were. “Stan” I said~”

 “Stan!?” the twins said together, “Your name is Stan??”

 “Yeah. So?”

 “That’s just so… normal sounding. I thought if you had a name it would be something like Moloch, or Abraxas or or… Brutus.”

 At that, the Beast - Stan - burst out laughing. “Brutus? Really?”

 “It’s a name.”

  Stan kept laughing; a rich happy noise that proved to be contagious. Withing seconds, Mabel joined in, so did the tools, and after a minute, so did Dipper.

Chapter Text

 The twins woke up late he next morning, and went downstairs to find their host waiting for them in the kitchen. He was wearing clean shirt and fresh trousers, and had even put on a new cloak. This one was black with a gold chain. He tapped the table expectantly.

 “Uh, morning.” Said Dipper apprehensively.

“I’ve got someone here,” he held up a book, and the kids recognized it as the journal they had seen on the desk in his room. “Who wants to meet you. But you’ve gotta promise too be super careful with him.”

 “Uh, okay.”

 “I mean it. You gotta promise that if it comes to it, you’ll protect him with your life.”

 “Okay.” They crossed their hearts. “We promise to take good care of your… friend.”

 “And to not let anything bad happen to him.”

 “Good.” Stan held out the book to Dipper, who took it with some apprehension.

 “Open him up and introduce yourselves.” They did so.

 “Uh, I’m Mabel.”

 “And I’m Dipper”

  Just like before, words were invisibly written onto the paper.

Hello Mabel. Hello Dipper. My name is Stanford.

  Dipper smacked his forehead. “Oh, I get it. You’re enchanted like the others.”

 “But you can’t move on your own? That stinks!” huffed Mabel.

I can see. And I can write. But I can also be damaged pretty easily, so Stan’s a bit protective.

 Dipper looked back up at Stan. “Is that why you were so mad? You thought we would damage your friend?”

 Stan scratched the back of his neck. “Well… yes.”

Mabel scoffed. “Well you don’t have to worry about that. Ol’ Dip-Dop here would rather eat his own eyeballs than hurt a book.”

 “Eww! Gross!” He turned back to Stan. “It’s true though.” Stan chuckled. “Good to know. Well, I’ll leave you three to it.”

  The twins scurried away entranced with their new friend.

 “So, do you mind if I ask you a couple hundred questions about the castle and the surrounding woods?” Dipper asked as they left the room.

  Stan watched them walk off, apprehension mixing with delight.

 “That was decent of you.” Said Soos hopping on his shoulder.

 “Yeah, well,” Stan shrugged. “Ford wanted to meet them. And they deserve a good turn.”

 “Well if a good turn’s what you want to give them, I have a few suggestions…”

 “How old is this place?”

 “How big is the forest?”

 “Are there brownies living under your floors?”

 “Can you feel us touching you?”

 “What kind of drawings can you do?”

 “Why are there scratches on your back cover?”

  Dipper and Mabel bombarded Stanford with question after question. It was all he could do to write each answer as it came to him. But at the last question, his words stilled then faded. Curling doodles form on his pages as he tried to think of the best way to answer.

 “Mister Stanford?” said Mabel out of concern, “Are you alright?”

Call me Ford. And yes, I’m fine.

The marks on my back are from an… accident that happened a long time ago. Stan picked me up the wrong way with his claws. He was very apologetic about it later on.  

“Did it hurt?” Mabel asked in a small voice.

It was… unpleasant for both of us. In fact, for a long time, Stan was too scared to touch me at all. So, for months at a time I just sat on that desk with nothing to do and no one to talk to. It was almost like, I didn’t exist.

  Neither twin knew how to react to this. Dipper just squeezed his side of the book while Mabel stroked the pages on her side with her thumb. Then the pages fluttered and flipped to a fresh space.

But enough about that. Look at this neat trick.

He then traced the outline of a strange monster he captioned as a “gremoblin”. Then with a twitch, the image started moving through an elaborate landscape. The twins laughed and asked for more.

  Stan later found the kids (and Ford) out by the stables. Dipper was staring at Fords’ pages with rapt attention, and Mabel was playing with that darn foot stool.

 “He’s sooo cute!” she squealed, “I love him!”

 “You wanta’ keep him?”

 She gasped. “Can I? Don’t you go playing around with my feelings!”

 “Yeah, sure, he’s all yours. We weren’t doing anything wit” he was caught off as the four-foot tall girl leapt on his shoulder had forcefully nuzzled him going “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 “Ooof!” You’re welcome.” He strained as his plucked her off of him and set her down. He then turned to Dipper. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. Follow me.”

  There were books everywhere. Shelves were built into the walls and the stairwell and even into the window-seat. There were whole shelves of books in all known genres and all known languages. Books ranging from philosophy to mathematics to cryptozoology.

 “Now, we haven’t had anything new in a while, and some of these are a bit dated, but it’s all yours to read as much as you want.”

 Dipper stared at it with a strung-out grin on his face, not saying a word.

 “So, you like it?” asked his host.

 “Uh-huh.” The boy nodded.

 “Well, have at it.”

 “Okay.” He slowly walked, as if in a temple. “I have my own library.”

  Stan turned to Mabel standing next to him, happily petting the stool which she dubbed ‘Waddles’.

 “You think he likes it?” He asked her jokingly.

 “I think you just made his decade.” She said, gazing at the impressive room.

 “You can read too if you want too.” He said after a minute. Mabel looked at him.

 “Do you have any ‘inappropriate romances’?” she whispered the last two words.

Stan chuckled; “We’ve got a whole shelf full of them! Third one to the left.” He pointed her to the right direction, and she ran off giggling.

   Three hours later, the kids emerged from the library, Dipper flush with glee and happily chatting with Ford, and Mabel beet-red, mumbling about how she was now a woman. They met up with Stan in the sitting room. “You knuckleheads have a good time?” He asked as he stocked the fireplace.

 “Amazing!” Dipper gushed, “This Ford guy’s a genius! I think he might know more than all those books combined! He led me straight to the books on magic creatures and showed me all these detailed illustrations. ON HIS OWN PAGES!! I… I’m really glad you introduced us.”

  Stan sat on Abuelita and cracked his neck. “Yeah, Ford’s a good egg. He’s the one who told me to go get you. For someone who can’t talk, he really chewed me out.”

 “How did he” Dipper looked at Ford. “How did you know where to find us?”

The hand on my front is charmed. Tap it three times and ask it to show you something.

  Dipper knew exactly what he wanted to see. Closing Ford, he tapped the gold hand while Mabel looked over his shoulder.

 “Please show us Uncle Fiddle.” He asked. Instantly, the hand shimmered and they saw Dear Uncle Fids curled up on their basement floor snoring away.

 “Poor guy must have stayed up all night again.” Said Mabel. Dipper nodded in agreement. The gold vision faded, and Dipper hugged the book to his chest. “Thanks.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  As it happened, Fiddleford McGucket hadn’t been up all night. He hadn’t been awake since yesterday morning. Between his manic concussion and his jailors’ bedside manner, he hadn’t had anything to do but sleep and nibble at the food left for him. He stirred as he heard the door scrap open. The boy in black -Robbie as he introduced himself- came down the stairs armed with a lute and a picnic basket.

 “Okay man, I’ve got lunch. Let’s try to do this without you attacking me.”

  McGucket sat up. “It’s a fine thing to do! Takin’ a man’s wards, and then keepin’ him a prisoner in his own house! I have half a mind to”

 “You DO have half a mind if you think I’m gonna let you lead people back to the castle. I didn’t sacrifice my social life just to let some yokels mob my home!” he set the basket down. “I keep telling you your kids are safe, and if you just stop whaling on me for five minutes, maybe I could”

 “Save yer offers! I’m not interested!” With that, the man hobbled off behind the nearest pile of junk to sulk.

  Robbie sat down and started taking out food. The old man would eat when he was ready. Then he heard the scrapping sound of junk being pushed along the ground. Then he heard the sound of a window being shimmied open, and of McGucket scrambling through said window.

 “FREEDOM!! HA HA HAAA!” then CRASH! There was the loud sound of him banging into something; most likely Robbie’s carriage. “You okay?”

 “… I’m hurt.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  From the kitchen, Lazy Susan announced that dinner was ready. Stan took Ford back from Dipper and was about to leave when Mabel asked;

 “Do you want to join us for dinner? We’re having roast chicken.”

  All the staff members froze. It had been so long since the Master had actually eaten at the table. They all wondered how he would answer.

 Stan just stood there, considering the offer. “I do like that.” He said and went with them.

  Watching Stan eat was a spectacle in itself. The twins gazed in awe as he held the meat down with his paws and ripped it up with his teeth, like he was afraid the bird would spring back to life and escape at any moment. Dipper remembered the bones they saw in the West Wing and silently thanked God that they weren’t having beef. The staff members just stood to the side, thrilled that their master was finally having a meal outside of his room.

  As Stan swallowed a particularly big chunk of meat, he looked up and saw the kids staring at him. “Uh…” That was as far a he got before Mabel put down her cutlery in favor of tearing up her own meat. “Mmmm!” she said, her mouth full, “Taste the hunt!”

 Dipper laughed and followed suite, tearing a leg off his bird and taking a hearty bite. Stan took a moment to appreciate their imitating him, then belched.

  Mabel had a dream that night about the playroom they saw. Only instead of being dirty and empty, it was bright and cheerful. And there were two little boys playing on the toy ship. They were too similar to not be brothers. One boy was paddling while the other climbed the mast. Both were singing a shanty.

 High ho, away I go! It’s a pirate’s life for me!

High ho, away I go! It’s a pirate’s life at sea!

A pirate’s life is one of leisure, rum and swordplay is our pleasure,

Not to mention buried treasure!

Hey away I go!

  It was a happy dream, yet something about it made her cry in her sleep.

  The next day, there was a fresh layer of snow on the ground. The twins spent the morning hanging out in the courtyard while Ford sat open on a table on the porch. After a while, Stan came out to join them.

 “Nice clothes.” Said Dipper. “You look good in a shirt.”

 “Yeah, well,” he rolled up his right sleeve to reveal his bandaged arm. “Thought it’d be a good idea to keep your work dry.”

 “Uh-huh. And the pants?”

  Stan rolled his eyes. “Neah. It’s not like I’m modest or anything. I’ve plenty of fur to cover my area.” -at this, Mabel blushed- “But it’s a good way to keep my legs dry.”

 “Speaking of dry, we’d better make sure the door to the boiler room is – OOF!”

Dipper stumbled as he tried to lift the half-frozen axe off the chopping block. He wound up falling flat on his but while the blade barely moved an inch. Stan and Mabel guffawed, and Stan strolled over to the block and casually picked up the axe with one paw.

 “Looks like you need to work on your form.” He said as Dipper stood up.

 “Ha ha ha.” Snapped the embarrassed boy. “Let me remind you that your arms are bigger than my head!”

 “Oh, and you think I was always this strong? Come here.” Stan led Dipper over to the wall and had him and Mabel fling snowballs at it. It took them twelve tries, but finally Dipper knocked over some snow from the top. He pumped his fists in the air. Stan grinned.

 “Atta’ boy. That’s how I toughened up as a kid.” Dipper looked at him and couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride. It felt good to make the big hairy guy happy.

After a while, they stopped throwing snowballs at the wall and started throwing them at each other. Stan loved that. He even chased them around the courtyard with a massive wad of snow held over his head. Mabel managed to trip him up by throwing snowballs at his feet.

  After an hour, they all went in for lunch. And later, Stan watched the kids make snow angels in the backyard.

 “Do you want to make one?” Mabel asked.

 Stan shook his head “Nah, I don’t have the right shape for an angel. It’ll just come out looking like a monster.”

  In response the kids tackled him to the ground. He flailed around a bit before getting up. Looking down, he saw a lopsided shape in the snow.

 “So yeah, like I said, I’m not…”

  “Are you kidding?” said Dipper, “It’s great!” He picked up a stick and started tracing and adding details. “It looks just like the constellation Orion!”

 “Yours is the best of them all!” said Mabel, hugging his arm. Stan stiffened, then relaxed. He looked over at Ford propped up on the porch.

The best of them all. Heh.

Chapter Text

  Gideon was fuming in his luxuriant bedroom. Three weeks! And still no word about the Pines twins’ whereabouts! People told him time and again not to worry, but what did they know? They didn’t have the combined IQ of a woodchuck!

  He played with his cravat pin. The jade stone flashed yellow for a second.

 “They’re silly.” He grumbled outload.

They’re silly.

 The boy jolted. His pin hadn’t just spoken did it? There was an eye looking at him.

I can help you.

  %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  The Pines twins ran through the castle in a panic, screaming at the top of their lungs.

 “STAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!”

 The hairy beast in question bounded down the stairs. “What? What? Where’s the fire?”

 Mabel gazed up at him, tears welling in her eyes, Dipper stood by her clutching Ford to his chest. “F-f-ford l-l-lost a p-page.” She blubbered. Stan stared at them. “Huh?”

 “It was an accident! We swear! We were reading one of his stories and it just… fell out.” Mabel held up the fallen page, which in the short time since it detached itself, had grown yellow and spotted.

 “And then, right when it happened, a bunch of tiles fell of the roof. I don’t know why; all the snow had melted from that area.” He held the journal out, head bowed. “Please don’t be mad.”

 Stan let out a deep sigh. Dipper braced himself as he reached out a paw. Then to his surprise, he felt himself being gently patted on the head. “Don’t worry about it.” Stan said as he opened the book to show Ford’s rapid scrawl. “That kind of thing… happens sometimes. I bet Ford tried to tell you that right before you started freaking out.”

Mabel sniffed. “R-really?”

Really.

said Ford

 “Did it hurt?”

Nah. The only way I could feel it, would be if someone ripped out my pages with their bare hands. And no one has ever done that to me.”

 “But, but what does this mean? Doesn’t this affect you at all?”

I lose a memory with each page. But only one. And like Stan says it only happens sometimes.

“That’s… Aw man, that’s so messed up. How did this even happen to you.” Stan stiffened at the question, then gave a smile. “That is a story for another day.”

 That night, Dipper had a dream about two boys, just like Mabel. Only in his dream, the boys were playing on a swing-set – the same swing-set that was in in front garden – one happily chatted to the other about how they were gong to have “so many adventures when we leave”. After a while, Dipper noticed that the other boy’s hands both had an extra finger. Just like the man in the portrait. Just like the golden hand on Ford’s book.

  Next morning, Mabel announced that they were going to clean the west wing. “Make it nicer for Ford.” The staff members were eager to help. So there they were, in the play-room, raking dirt out of the carpet and wiping down the ship. During the break, Dipper looked over at a flag hanging on the wall. It was a curious design; a hatchet and a pickaxe crossed over a gold hand, flanked by two pine trees with a shooting star passing underneath. It was just like the flag hanging over the front door. Wendy hopped over to him.

 “What’s up?”

“Have you ever heard of the Falls family?” Dipper asked in a serious tone. The axe girl flinched. “Uh… who are they?” she asked innocently.

 “They were the most powerful noble family in the whole country. Their territory stretched from these woods all the way to the western shore.”

 “Oh really? That’s nice.” Wendy wouldn’t look them in the eye.

 “They were nice. One of the most prosperous families in our history, until the twin heirs disappeared right before their coronation. They were staying at the Winter castle, and were supposed to rule together, but when people searched for them, no one could remember where the castle was or how to find it. They couldn’t even find any of the servants. After that, the currant Head of the family went mad. And the land ended up being divided among the other ruling nobles.

 “Hmm. Sorry to hear that. Why’d you bring it up?”

 “Because this is where the Winter castle was said to be, and you have the Falls family crest hanging over your front door.”

 “Really?” Soos chimed in. “That’s funny. Funny coincidence.”

 “Yeah, funny.” Dipper stood up. “Except it’s not funny. Nothing about what happened to you guys is funny. I want to help you, but I can’t if I don’t know what’s happening.”

  Nobody looked at him, save for Mabel who was utterly shocked at this realization.

  Later on, he tried to bring it up with Stan.

 “I was just curious as to how you came to this place.” he said trying to sound casual.

 “I didn’t come here. I’ve always lived here.”

 “Even as a kid? I mean, it’s kinda hard to imagine you as a kid.”

 “And I can’t imagine you as tall. Doesn’t mean it can’t be possible.”

 “Good point,” Dipper admitted as Mabel came up next to him. “But it’s hard to believe people haven’t met more… of your kind. And I was wondering…”

  Stan raised an eyebrow. “Why’re you so curious?” he asked gruffly. Dipper rubbed the back of his head. “Oh… No reason. Curiosity’s sake I guess.”

 “Killed the cat. Remember that. Some things in this world you just don’t need to know.”

  With that, he took Dipper by the back of the head and licked his forehead, causing his bangs to stick up. He then did the same with Mabel.

 “AHH!!” Dipper froze up. “He grabbed and he licked… You grabbed and you licked…”

 Stan chuckled. “Hey, you’ve got the big dipper on your forehead. Your name makes so much sense now.” He walked off, leaving the confused damp duo by themselves.

  Later that night, Mabel found Dipper pouring over the grimoire he had found in the back of the library. They read it together. It told of all kinds of magic creatures that were found in their country; gnomes, mermen, cherubs, (the page on unicorns was sadly disillusioning.) There were many different societies, but all of them answered to two main courts; the Seelie, made of mostly good creatures and was led by a seven-eyed oracle known as Jillian, and the Unseelie, made up of monsters, and was led by a demon known as Bill Cipher.

 “What happened to this page?” Mabel asked when they got to it. The illustration had been scratched out and FILTHY LIAR had been written over the text (along with several other curse words that the kids would never repeat). There were even some slight tears along the spine as if someone had almost pulled out the page, but decided not to.

 “Don’t know, but from what I can make out, he was so bad, that he was banished from entering the human world. He can only communicate to people in their dreams.”

  “I bet if anyone knew what was going on here, it’d be him.”

  “Him or one of the friendlier ones.”

  “I think one of these other books has a summoning ritual.”

  “Let’s try it.”

  So there they were after dinner, drawing an elaborate symbol on the pantry floor and reciting an odd incantation. At first, nothing happened. Then the candles they brought with them all went out at once.

 “Hey!” snapped Mabel. “Turn those back on!”

 Ah ah ah. You didn’t say ‘pretty please’.

  A light flashed in front of them and they saw a giant yellow pyramid with a single eye staring down at them.

 “Bill Cipher!” Dipper said in awe, and then; “Nice voice.”

Silence! What’s a pair of twerps like you doing summoning the all-mighty Bill Cipher?”

  Mabel stepped up to him. “We uh, we were just testing to see if this old summoning spell worked and were hoping you might help answer some questions of ours.”

What questions?

 “Do-do you know the Falls family?”

Oh them? Yeah, I know them. Why are you so interested?”

“Well; they’ve been missing thirty years, and everyone thinks they’re dead. And we’ve kinda admired them ever since we were three. And we think our new friend might know something about them.”

 The golden entity raised his single eyelid. New Friend?

“yeah, his name’s Stan. He’s a bit of a grump but” Dipper paused, realizing what he’s said. That was the first time he’d acknowledged Stan as anything but a beastly host. When had he started thinking of him that way?

  His musing was cut short by Bill’s static voice. You know I DO think I can help you. But I’m go’nna need something from you in exchange.

“Like what?” they asked in unison

Like-

  The door swung open. Bill and all his fearful glory vanished in the light. Miss Susan stood there, literally steaming in anger.

“Upstairs.” she barked, “Now!”

“YOU WHAT?” Stan roared when they told him what happened.

 “We-we just wanted to help. I we thought if we contacted someone magic, we could”

 “CIPHER! Of all the crazy kooks you could’ve talked to, you talked to CIPHER!”

He picked up Dipper and held him at eye level. “You really thought HE’D help? HE’S THE ONE WHO”

 “STAN!” Mabel yelled. He looked at her mid-roar. She stood there holding Ford open, with his name covering two entire pages. Taking a deep breath, he set the boy down and backed away. “Okay. You want to know the truth? We’ll tell you. But you should know this is not a happy story.” He picked up Ford and held him open. “Ford, you start.”

It all began a lifetime ago…

My brother Stanly and I were the first-born sons to Fillbrick Falls, Head of the Falls family. Twins run in our family, so we have the tradition of joint ruling. From the day we could talk, we were taught everything there was to know about running a kingdom. But there were things our tutors couldn’t teach us;

An illustration appeared of two boys sitting side by side, the very same boys Dipper and Mabel saw in their dreams. One wore glasses and held a book. The other wore a captains’ hat and sported a cane. They both looked so nice.

Things like why I was born with such strange hands, or why Stanly was almost killed by a goblin who had broken into our castle. There was so much going on in the world, so many terrible things, things we could only learn through experience. So when we became old enough, we set out to explore it

.

Dipper paused to look over at the ruined painting. That’s what they must’ve looked like at that age. Leaving home, all on their own.

We journeyed all around our territory, writing collecting knowledge and meeting people. Then, we journeyed around the other territories, and even other countries that bordered our own. I have no recollection of what Mom and Dad looked like, but I’ll always remember the things I learned on our travels.

  Stan chimed in after a minute; “We split up for a while. Arguments over where to go and all that. He was off studying other cultures, I was off causing trouble and getting locked up every week.” He looked down. “It was during that time I realized how much I depended on Ford. He was always the clever one, the one who always has a back-up plan. He thrived on his own while I… Anyway. Back to the story.”

We reunited shortly before being summoned back home. Father was ready to step down and give us the run of things. We stayed at the Winter castle while things were prepared for us. We’d hired all the servants ourselves. Good people, we’re lucky to employ them. We spent three days exchanging stories. And I told him about a ritual I discovered that could summon the demon known as Bill Cipher. The same one you used. I wanted to try it right away but Stanly…”

“Have you lost it, Sixer?”

Had reservations. One topic lead to another until we came to one we had both been dreading to discuss.

“You’re leaving Ford?”

“I’m continuing my travels after our coronation. I’m sure you can handle things by yourself at home.”

“But I was hoping that we could… That I could… maybe…”

“Stan, we’re not kids anymore. I don’t need you protecting me anymore.”

“I’m not saying you do! But we promised each other that we’d always be a team!”

“We ARE a team! But team members don’t suffocate each other because they’re afraid to”

“I AM NOT SUFFICATING!”

It went on like that for a while, and we almost came to blows. Finally, we both stormed off to our rooms, or in my case the library where I conducted the ritual like I wanted.

I thought I could control him long enough to have a discussion, perhaps learn about his origins, but he had other plans.

Let’s make a deal you and me. You let me out into the grand wide world, and I in turn won’t rip you apart from the inside out.

The saw a new illustration of the triangle floating above the floor, tentacles coming out of his back, strangling a man that they could only see from behind.

Stan came to my rescue. Apparently, he’d been coming over to apologize, and heard the commotion. He, being the impulsive go-getter that he is, challenged Bill to a battle of wits. The classic “guess which Bill is the real Bill” game. Stan saw through it and said that none of them was real.

You sniveling single shaped life forms! You actually tricked ME?

“Sure did, Space Boy. What are YOU going to do about it?”

THIS!

He cursed Stan, then me, then everyone else in our castle. He even made so that no one who looked for us could find us. Right before vanishing, he joked that our outsides finally matched our insides.

Stanly, you take it from here.

  The twins looked up at Stan, who rubbed his thumb over Ford’s paper. “That first night, was the worst night of my life. All around me were bright flashes and screams of people who trusted me and depended on me. And I was turning into something not even my brother could discover. For a while I couldn’t move, everything was sore, and everything I touched broke. And the last I saw of Stanford was him vanishing into his journal. It was a nightmare. I kept banging my head on the floor trying to wake up.”

 “The next day I went to an old witch we were on good terms with. Nice lady, not so much with the people skills. She said the one way to fix this kind of curse was with ‘love power’.”

  Dipper raised his eyebrow. “Huh?”

 “Yeah that’s what I said. Apparently, I need someone to ‘see my true beauty’ and to care for them as much as they care for me.”

 “So there’s hope.” Chimed in Mabel.

 “Not really. I wasn’t that good with the ladies even when I was handsome. And ever since I became this, I’m not exactly ‘Mister Eligible’. We barely ever see any humans around here, let alone a potential bride.”

 “What about the witch lady? Is she single?”

 “Yeah, and she even came on to me at the time. But she’s 500, has a hand fetish, kind of terrifying. I know I’m not in a position to be picky, but if there’s no spark, there’s no spark, you know.”

 “I know.” Said Mabel thinking about her first crush who had absolutely no interest in her. “But there has to be some way to break this spell.”

 “Kids, I’ve looked. Partway through the first year we found that with every page Ford loses, I lose some of my humanity. It used to be just one or two a year, now it’s almost twice a month. And if our knowledge of curses is anything to go by, I’ll be a real beast forever if he loses them all.”

 “And,” Dipper looked over at Soos and Wendy. “What happens to them?”

 “They’ll lose their souls and become lifeless objects.”

There wasn’t much to say after that. The kids had a quiet dinner and went up to their room. As they got ready for bed, Mabel asked her brother:

 “How are you doing?”

 “I don’t know. I’ve just solved our country’s biggest mystery without even trying, and all I feel is… sad. I wish we could help them.”

 “Maybe we can. Maybe there are some nice lady monsters we can hook Stan up with, or a spell we can use to change what happened.”

 “It’s worth a try I guess.”  

  They were quiet for a minute, then Mabel spoke again.

 “Say Dipper, do you think we’ll end up like them?”

 “I’m not going to summon demons.” He assured her.

 “Not that. I mean, they were best friends, even closer than we are, but then it all fell apart.”  “If I ever get too clingy, you know you can tell me.”

 “Okay. And if I ever get too crazy, you can tell me.”

 “…Okay.”

Chapter Text

 It had become almost routine for the twins to curl up with Ford before dinner and read his stories aloud. He really did know a lot of legends, not just ones from the forest, but from all over. He told them about fairy rings that led to worlds full of talking animals, faraway lands where people could commune with the elements, a race of star women with gemstones embedded in their bodies. Stan and the others would listen in, and sometimes even sit down next to them.

“Tell me more about your Uncle Fiddle.” Stan asked from the couch one night. The kids sat on the floor by the fireplace. Dipper looked up from Ford to answer.

 “Well, he’s not really our uncle. We just call him that. He was a friend of our parents, who died when we were three. We don’t really know that much about our family.”

 “Ah. Okay. And I think you mentioned he was some kinda’ inventor.”

 “Oh yeah! He’s made some great stuff; a storage box to keep food cold, a lamp that runs on pond scum, he even made head gear that straitens Mabel’s teeth while she sleeps.”

  “It’s agonizing. But it’s worth it.” Mabel beamed, then perked up. “Can we call YOU uncle?” she asked, “It’s such a nice term of endearment. And it’s perfect for you!” They had been up late and the drowsiness was making her bold.

  Stan shrugged. “Meah, call me what you like. I’m probably old enough to be your great-uncle.”

 Mabel giggled. “Heh, ‘great uncle’. ‘Gruncle’. OOH!” she perked up again. “I like that! You like that Dipper?” he nodded. “I like that.”

 “Excellent! Gruncle it is!” She turned to Ford. “And the same goes for you. From now on, you are Gruncle Ford.”

HA! Sounds good!

  Wendy glanced over at Stan. “It’s too bad we didn’t get to know that guy better before the whole ‘incident’.” She made air quotes with her scarf.

 Stan stretched and cracked his neck; “In defense of what happened, most of the people who come here are looters. One guy took Soos and a bunch of others in a sack halfway through the woods before I caught up with them.”

 “Seriously?” The twins looked at the hammer, who shrugged his prongs.

 “He dropped the sack when he heard us screaming. That was a fun three hours.”

 “How often do people come here?” Dipper asked.

 “Not often. Apparently one of the curses side-affects is that no one can find the castle except by accident. Or if you have a guide from here.”

 “Fascinating.” the boy quipped as he took out his new notebook and started scribbling. He’d been writing down everything he could about the castle and the curse, hoping the information would help him find a solution.

 They kept cleaning the West Wing. Within a few days it was somewhat presentable. They started spending more and more time there, playing in the playroom, star-gazing on the balcony, or just hanging out with Stan on his bed.

  One day, Mabel found an old puppet theater and refurbished it. She had Candy performed The Lonely Goatherd; A musical kiddie story she had found in a book about a goatherd who attracts a pretty girl with his yodeling. It was cute, if a bit hammy. They did many other stories like that. Silver Hands, The Loathly Lady, Beatrice and Benedict; all stories about the power of love and romance.

 They also got to know the staff members. Now that the big secret was out, everyone was eager to share their life stories. Wendy and her brothers had come to work there after their father died. Miss Susan escaped her husband who had once hit her so hard that she couldn’t open her eye all the way. Soos and his grandma had been hired right off the road when he was ten.

 “We didn’t really live anywhere. My mom was dead and my dad wasn’t in the picture. We were just passing by the gate when Mister Stan came out and asked if I knew how to fix a carriage wheel.”

 “Just like that?” Mabel asked.

 “Just like that.” Soos went on. “Apparently his last carpenter was sacked for stealing, so they needed a new one right away. I barely knew how to use a hammer, but I agreed.

  I didn’t do a very good job, but Mister Stan said it was ‘good enough’ and said me and Abuela could stay at the castle as long as we liked.”

 “Aww. That’s sweet.”

 “Yeah.” sighed Wendy, “The two masters were like that. Always taking in people who had nowhere else to go. I think they liked having a bunch of people to take care of.”

 “Wow. Now I really want to help them. I’ll be in the library.”

  Ten minutes later, he was banging his head against his favorite desk.

 “Nothing! No ideas! Stupid! Empty! Brain!”

Wendy nudged him in sympathy. “It’s a tight spell alright. Even Robbie’s tried to find a cure.”

“Who’s he?”

 “Robbie’s our grocer. He was right outside the castle gate when it happened, so the curse affects him a bit … differently than the rest of us.”

 “How so?”

 “It’s hard to explain. You’d understand better if you saw him. He normally comes by once a month to drop off the food we need. In fact, he should be here by now. I wonder what’s keeping him…”

    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

 “How’s the arm?”

 “Oh fine, just fine. Thank ye kindly for asking.”

 Old Man McGucket sat in the back of Robbie’s wagon among bundled packages of food. His right arm was tightly wrapped in a cast and fixed to his shoulder with linen. It had taken three days to find a town with a good hospital and four more days until he was well enough to travel. The old man had borne it all morosely, barely speaking even when spoken to.

 “We should be arriving in about two days. You can visit your kids when we get there.”

 “Yeah, alright.”

 “And they’re perfectly safe. I can assure that. The boss is a bit of a grump, but he wouldn’t hurt children. At least not on purpose.”

 “Dually noted.”

     %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

 While Dipper was pouring over tomes in the library, Mabel was grilling Stan about past liaisons.

 “Ever try dating a centaur?”

 “No.”

 “Blind lady?”

 “No.”

 “One of the female wolves?”

 “Definitely not. I dated a woman who claimed to be a werewolf once. But she ended up being part of an Unseelie cult, so that was a no.”

“Tea time!” trilled Miss Susan as her trolly rolled in. She poured some earl grey while Mabel snatched up cookies.

 “She’s so nice!” she said through a full mouth once the trolly left.

 “Yeah. Pretty too. You should’ve seen er when she was younger. I used to have such a crush on her.”

 “Really?…” Mabel tapped her chin; an idea brewing in her mind.

 The next day, Stan found the table in his room set with lunch for two. Miss Susan wheeled herself in.

 “What you doing here sweetie?”

 “Miss Mabel said you wanted to discuss something over lunch. Did you make this?”

 “Heck no. You’re funny. Mabe’s must’ve set it out. Don’t know what she’s up to.”

   Susan nibbled a sandwich. “Probably just playing tricks. I remember when I was that age. Such a mischief maker I was.”

 Stan took a sandwich and gulped it down. “Well, we might as well catch up. Any new recipes?”

 “As a matter of fact…”

 “JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!” Mabels’ voice screamed from the doorway.

 “I’m real sorry about this.” Stan said to his befuddled coffee pot.

    Later, Mabel talked to the girls in the room.

 “So, were you guys his servants?” she asked Pacifica.

 “Most certainly not.” The mirror girl said with a shake of her blonde locks.

 “Then, who are you?”

 “Well, I was a sorcerous in training, and the girls were my ladies-in-waiting. But then we came here and tried to break the curse. And ended up falling victim to it.”

 “Aww.”

 “Yeah, don’t worry about it. We make do. Plus, it’s not like anyone misses us back home.”

 “No one? Not even your parents?”

 “… I doubt they missed me when I was traveling.”

 Mabel stood up and hugged the mirror the best she could; stretching her arms all the way to the edges. “Well I’d miss you.” She murmured.

    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Eventually, Dipper gave up on finding a solution in the books and just sat there talking to Ford; who himself had a lot to say regarding his brother.

Sometimes I’m angry at him. Not for what happened, but for keeping me locked up so often. Sometimes, months would go by without him touching me. I never thought I could miss being touched so much.

 Dipper rubbed his thumb across the paper; the same way he used to rub his thumb across his sisters’ cheek when she cried.

Do you know what the worst part is? The last time we had a real conversation, I told him he was smothering me. Now he’s cursed because of something I did and I relay on him for everything.

He hugged the open journal to his chest and rocked back and forth. “We’ll fix this. I promise we’ll fix this.”

Chapter Text

  Dipper told the others that he’d be late for dinner, so Stan and Mabel sat together by the kitchen watching Soos flirt with Melody.

 “I think he likes her.” Mabel said as they watched the little hammer chatter away with the cook-stove.

 “Oh, it’s more than that.” said Stan. “He comes down here every night to tell Mel about his day. Since she’s one of the few who can’t leave her room, he has to come to her. Even before the curse when she was just to busy to leave the kitchen, he’d find some way to make her feel included. That’s not just love. That’s devotion.” He paused, “I can relate.”

 “Sure wish I could be devoted to someone like that. Most guys I meet are (sigh) somewhat lacking.”

 “Oh yeah, like who?”

  Dipper came down to find them sitting around the counter, knee deep in conversation.

 “Yeah, the Gleefuls have always been a bunch of crazies.” Stan said.

Mabel looked down. “He wasn’t always like that. We used to be good friends. He’d talk to us when no one else would, came to visit our house, he even bought me knitting supplies once. But then he got… creepy.”

 “Creepy how?”

 “He started talking about doing things like kill his parents or burn down the church, and then say “Just kidding”. But I don’t think he was kidding. Then last Summer, He told us he was destined to be King of all the country, and asked if I wanted to be his queen. Things kind of unraveled after that. Oh, hey Dipper. How ya doing?”

 “Ford taught me this cool math game.” He opened the journal up to reveal a series of elaborate algorithms. Stan and Mabel looked at it, then each other, then gave him an indulgent smile. “Very nice Dipper, very nice.”

  He sat down with them, and pretty soon he was sharing his own issues with their home town.

 “All my life, the only compliment I ever got from people there was that I’m “Cute”. “Such a cute boy.” “What an adorable sneeze.” “That cap looks cute on you” Bleah!”

 “Mmm. What a shame. People think you’re nice to look at.” Stan’s voice was sarcastic.

 “Well I’m not going to be cute forever! In a few years, I’ll be an awkward blemished virgin and then what are people going to compliment? If I’m gonna be praised, I want it to be because of a real achievement. Not because of my looks.”

 “Fair enough.”

 Mabel glanced over at the passing clock. “Say Blendin, what day is it?”

 “According to my timepiece, it is December 14, Tuesday, Fourteen hours and twenty-four minutes, Eight seconds.”

 “Oh my gosh!” Hanukkah is tomorrow!” I have to go knit presents!” She ran from the table.

  Wendy beamed; “We used to have the best Holiday parties. And the best New Year’s parties.”

 “Really?” Dipper looked between her and Stan. “Can we have one now? I mean tomorrow?”

 “Ask the boss. He might be persuaded.”

  He was persuaded, and so the kids spent the rest of the night and the next morning deciding what gifts to give everyone. Luckily, they had plenty of supplies for sewing and building. They also took some time to reorganize their bedroom (Pacifica insisted).

 In a corner of their room was the satchel they had brought with them to the castle. Dipper looked through it and found the memory gun. He also found the broken music box pieces stashed in an old crate. Among the pieces was a small plate with the subscription TO MY BROTHER STANLY ON OUR BIRTHDAY. Ah. He thought to himself. Somehow that made sense. It even gave him an idea.

 Meanwhile, Mabel took the gun and worked the dial; OUR PARENTS. Then aimed it at her eye, “Mom, Dad, this is for you.” and pulled the trigger. She felt a shockwave go through her head, like being caught in a tidal wave of hot water. Then she had a vision, clear as day, of being in a cradle with two smiling faces looking down at her. She could feel her brother, a baby like she was, laying right beside her. She could smell the soap used to clean their blankets. Best of all, she could hear her Mother singing a lullaby, while her father hummed and harmonized with her.

  The vision was only thirty seconds, but it felt like an hour went by until it ended. When it did, she touched her cheeks, and felt hot tears running down her face. She sat like that for a while, in a light-headed stupor.

    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  The servants spent the whole day cleaning the ballroom. The chandeliers shone brightly onto the polished wood floor. The windows were so clean they looked like they were open. A long table had been placed in between the pillars, with a splendid kosher feast set out on it.

Stan sat in his tub, having the most luxuriant bath he’d had in years. “Can’t believe I’m doing this. I just can’t say no to those two.”

 “Well,” said Soos, “They ARE trying to help break the curse. And to be fair they don’t ask for that much.”

 “Yeah, yeah, they’re great kids I get it.” He dunked his head underwater to rinse. “And I’ll be honest, it’s been nice having them around. Almost makes this place feel alive again. I bet if I’d known folks like them sooner…” He stared at the door, behind which Ford sat waiting for him. “Yes?” asked Soos hopping closer.

 “Ah, nevermind. Hand me my towel would’ya?” He got up and shook himself.

 While he was dressing, Mabel came in to help him spruce up. He even let her braid parts of his mane.

  “So,” she raised her eyebrows, “Given any thought to potential love interests?”

  He shrugged. “Well, there’re some tree spirits we’re pretty friendly with. And mermaids that swim upriver every Spring.” She leaned close to his cheek and gave him a side-eye.

  “Next time I see one, I’ll ask her out.” he sighed. Mabel did a fist pump. “Yes!”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  For the ball, Dipper put on a blue and gold embroidered tailcoat. He shifted in his polished boots as he waited for his sister to finish dressing. She came out wearing a sumptuous pink velvet dress with ruffled skirts a shooting star design. Her hair was topped with an elaborate filigree tiara and she wore kid-skin gloves. She pinned a tree-shaped brooch to his cravat. “Very handsome.” she said.

  Dipper blushed. I’m just glad all their old clothes fit me.”

 “Actually, the girls and I made this for you ourselves.”

 “Really?”

 “Yep. Happy Hanukah!” she glomped her arms around him.

  They met Stan waiting for them at the stairway. Wearing trousers and a maroon tailcoat that matched Dippers’ he actually looked really good. He even had his little fish-clasp pinned to his lapel.

 “Why do you like that so much anyway?” Dipper asked him.

 “It’s the symbol of a fishing village way off on the east coast. One of the trips Ford and I thought about was to buy a boat and go sailing from there.”

 “Nifty.” they said together.

  The white instruments started playing, and everyone started dancing. They did the polka and the ha-cha and sang off-key to several old songs. Then they sat down to eat.

 Partway through the meal, Mabel announced that it was time for presents, then she and Dipper handed out packages they’d brought with them. Wendy got a covering for her blade, Soos got a handle snuggie, Ford got a fancy dust jacket. Candy, Grenda, and Paz all got matching beaded necklaces, and Stan was handed a box by Dipper. It was the newly repaired music box. He looked up at Dipper who smiled bashfully. “Ford showed me the original blueprint he used to design it.” he explained, “It’s not completely fixed, but it should still play music.”

  Stan turned the key on top, and sure enough, the music came out slow and hurky-jerky, but they could still recognize it as the folk dance that was as old as their town.

 “Sorry it’s not-”

 “EH, it’s great. You know what? Makes me wanna dance s’more. Come on.”

  They all continued dancing, trading partners with each song. Dipper dance with Wendy in his arms while Mabel spun around on Pacifica. Then, Dipper danced with Pacifica while Mabel waltzed with Soos. Then, Stan swung Mabel around while Dipper sang a love balled Ford showed him. It was like something out of a dream: Two happy children surrounded by twirling furniture. At one point, Dipper and Mabel took each other’s hands and spun around and around, creating a bigger and bigger circle. Stan and Ford watched them, as did everyone else. The twins had never felt so utterly surrounded by happiness. No wonder they couldn’t make friends back home. Everyone worth being friends with was right here!

  Later, while they had some dessert, the kids showed Stan the memory gun. “Want ta try it?” Dipper offered. Stan picked it up delicately. He typed in NEW YEAR’S PARTY and aimed it at his eyeball. “You might want to stand away from me in case I fall over.” And pulled.

 On the far wall was shown a beautiful scene full of a hundred happy people. They saw through Stan’s eyes a smiling man adjusting his spectacles. “That’s our Ford.”

  It was a good idea to have this before we leave again. He spoke with such a nice voice. The view panned over to a red-haired girl chatting with a heavyset boy by a pillar:        Dude, now’s your chance to ask out Mel.

 “Is that you?” Dipper looked at Wendy. “Wow, you’re so pretty!”

 “And you’re so tall!” Mabel said to Soos.

  Then the vision showed what must’ve been a human Tambry, wearing a black and purple dress, standing amongst a crowd of boys.

  So, do you want to, like, kiss at midnight or something? asked a black-haired boy next to her that Wendy pointed out as Robbie.

 Sure, unless your ‘something’ is a lot better. she told him coyly.

 Then the view turned to someone the kids recognized instantly. Young Uncle Fiddle, sharing a drink with his wife. “That man…” Dipper whispered.

 “Yep. Old Fiddleford McGucket. Our head engineer. Ford was always inviting him over to chat about whatever science thing he was into.”

 “But that’s him! That’s Uncle Fiddle! He’s the one who came here!”

 “What? Seriously?” Stan closed his eye, ending the scene. The kids rushed to Ford and tapped the hand. “Show us Fiddleford McGucket.” They asked in unison.

 “There he is!” The hand showed a wagon overturned in a blizzard.  

 “Oh my Gosh! Something’s wrong! He’s in trouble!”

 “I know that path! It’s near the South-East end of our town!”

 “Guess you’d better go after him.”

  The twins paused in their panic to look at Stan. “Huh?”

He continued: “I haven’t been near that town in years, and I’d probably cause a scene if I came too close. You two are the only ones who can help the old fella.”

 “So…” Dipper said slowly, “You’re just trusting us to leave? And come back.”

 “Eh, you don’t hafta’ come back. Your debt’s more than paid off.”

 “REALLY?” squealed Mabel.

 “Yeah. You’re released from my service and all that.”

  She flung herself forward and hugged him. So did Dipper. He held them for a second before pushing them off. “You’d better go now, before the winds around here pick up.”

 “Okay! Come on Sis! We’ll need supplies.” They scurried off holding hands.

  Soos jumped up and down in his own panic.

 “OH but Sir! You can’t just let them go out alone by themselves!”

 “You can go with them if you want Soos.” Stan said as he caught in mid-air.

 “Really?” the little hammer stared up at him with wide eyes.”

 “Go on.” Stan lowered him to the floor, and the little green hammer hopped away.

  Everyone gathered around the front window to watch them leave. Wendy looked at Stan with an approving smile. “That was a pretty solid thing you did Boss.” Stan stroked Fords’ pages. “Well it’s like the poets say; ‘When you love something, set it free.’ I just wish I could do the same fer all of you.”

  Wendy was taken aback by this casual statement. “Love huh?”

Yes.

said Ford,

I love them too.

         %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  Just before they left the gate, Dipper turned back and called out. “We’ll come back as soon as we can! I meant it when I said we’d help you break the curse!”

  Soos popped his head out of their satchel. “Aww! You’re sweet!”

 “SOOS! What are you doing in there?”

 “Don’t they need you at the castle?”

 “Oh, they’ll be fine until I get back. I’ve got a new mission now; protecting you kids.”

  None of them knew how much they would actually need protection as they rode on through the woods.

Chapter Text

  It was almost midnight when the kids found the overturned wagon. There, they saw a lanky man trying to calm the horses while dear uncle Fiddle scrambled to build a shelter.

 “Uncle! Uncle!” they called out. He looked up from his work and gasped. “Oh kids!” He ran toward them, throwing his good arm around them before they were even off the goat.

 “Oh, I was so worried about’cha! I tried everything to get back and save ya’ll! How’d you escape?”

 “Let’s get this shelter built. Then we’ll explain.”

As they spoke, Uncle Fiddle was quiet. Then, when they finished, he smacked his knee and laughed. “Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!!!! I KNEW those boys were still alive! Everyone else gave up the search. ‘It’s been a year.’ they said, ‘We’d have found them by now.’ they said, ‘You’ve started eating your hat. I think you need help.’ Well who needs help now people?!” He shook his fist at the sky.

 “Were you friends with the heirs?” Mabel asked in rapt fascination.

 “Oh yeah, the three of us went way back. Ford was the first person to really encourage me. And to think he was in a book all this time.” He shook his head. “Darn shame.”

 “Darn shame indeed.” said the man from where he was sitting. “I’m Robbie by the way.” Dipper looked him up and down. He looked exactly as he did in the memory.

 “So, the curse makes you… immortal?” he asked. Robbie scoffed. “Something like that.”

  He unbuttoned his jacket and lifted up his shirt. Instead of pale flesh, his torso consisted of an ebony guitar body, complete with strings that went up past his rib cage. He plucked one of the strings. Instead of a musical note, he sang out in a high pitch. Everyone stared at him as he put his jacket back on. “Yeah, it’s not the most ideal way of living. But I have given some pretty cool performances here and there.”

  As they talked, the blizzard died down, and the snow stopped falling.

 “Your parents were well-loved in this town. I reckon all their behavior towards me is jest their way of grieving.” Fiddleford gazed into space.

 “Hate to interrupt; but the grieving townsfolk have gathered outside in an angry mob.”

 “What?” The three of them peeked out. There stood Gideon in his winter best, surrounded by his convict friends and half the grown-ups from Gravity Falls. All of them armed and holding up torches.

 “Ghost-Eyes’ big brother works at the old coots’ home. He doesn’t know anyone that looks like you and he hasn’t received any new residents in six months. So tell me, PINES,” he looked sharply at Dipper and Mabel, “Just where have you fellers been?”

 “…Would… you believe we were at the long-lost Summer palace of the Falls family?”

 “And that the legendary Beast is really Prince Stan?”

 “No.” The crowd moved towards them as one.

  Just then, Soos -who’d fallen asleep in the bag and woke up to the sound of shouting- poked his entire body outside the shelter. Deputy Durland was the first to spot him.

 “AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! TALKING HAMMER!!!!” As he screamed, he and the entire group backed quickly away.

 “Yes! Exactly!” shouted Mabel, “A real live magical talking hammer!”

 “If that doesn’t convince you, maybe this will!” Dipper rummaged through his bag, pulled out the memory gun, typed in B E A S T, and pressed it to the side of his head. Before anyone could say anything, he pulled the trigger. From his eyes shone the image of Stan in all his beastly glory.

  After five seconds he fell to his knees. “Dipper?” Mabel knelt beside him.

 “Ah!” he groaned, “Never point this thing to the side of your head! Never to the side ahh!!”

  Everyone hammered them with questions. “What was that?” “Is it dangerous?” “Did that thing hold you guys prisoner?” (this last one was asked by the librarian with great concern)

 “Oh no, no.” “Let us explain…” The twos kids spoke at one about the wolves and the accident and how they’d volunteered to stay at the castle with Stan.

 “I know he comes off as scary and greedy…” Dipper began.

 “But that’s just his way of protecting his home!” Mabel finished. “He’s actually really kind and funny and we’re really glad we got to meet him.”

  Neither of them knew this, but the real Stan, along with Wendy and the rest of the staff had been watching the whole thing on Ford’s cover. An hour ago, he’d succumbed to everybody’s worry and agreed to check on them. He watched enraptured as the little ankle-biters heaped more praise on him than he could remember in his whole life.

  Gideon wasn’t moved. In fact, all of this seemed to enrage him.

 “Let me get this straight, after all the time you rejected my invitations, you chose to shake up with this… this… overgrown monstrosity?”

 “Better him than you.” snapped Dipper, “You’re only ten and you’re twice the monster he’d ever be!”  

  Gideon turned red, then blue, then he turned to the crowd shouting; “These two have obviously been put under the spell of this Beast! We must go to his castle and slay him!”

 “You’ll never find him!” Dipper yelled just as loud. “No one can find his castle without help from his servants!” Gideon turned to him with a creepy smile. “Oh, can’t I?” he said fingering his cravat pin, which the twins now noticed was glowing with a strange yellow light.

  He turned back to the crowd. “These folks need to be locked up for their own safety! Take them back to Gravity Falls and fling ‘em in a cell!”

Ford opened up and flipped to the center of his pages.

FIND THEM!

   Mabel bite down hard on the beefy arm that held her. The goon who carried her under one shoulder also carried her brother slung over the other shoulder. Another goon trailed them with Robbie and Fiddleford in his arms and Soos in his teeth. A third man carried torches to light the way. The five captives were determined to make the trek back to town as rough and drawn-out as possible.

 “Let Go! Let Go! This is discrimination!” Dipper shouted as he kicked against his captors’ chest. The hefty men kept silent under the barrage of frustration. They had both felt worse. After ten minutes the folks would tire out anyway.

  Except, after five minutes, they heard yelling from the distance, and the sound of some big creature coming rapidly closer. They turned in time to see a big grey something barreling towards them.

“Oh”

 “My”

 “RUN!” The light bearer dropped his torch, and the other two dropped their loads as well. All three of them turned tail and ran as Stan leaped up and landed right in front of them. He roared and swiped his claws for added effort.

  Soos was immediately at his side, nuzzling his masters’ hairy body with his hammer-head. Likewise, Dipper and Mabel came up to hug his arms.

 “Hiya Fidds!” Stan lowered himself before the man in a submissive position. “Sorry about the harsh treatment. I couldn’t recognize you with a beard. Forgive me?” he wagged his tail. Fiddleford eased away, stuttering; “Oh, oh, yes. Forgi- yer forgive-forgiven yes.”

 “All of you climb on me. I’ll get us back home!”

  When they got to the castle, they saw the strangest battle any of them had ever seen. A whole battalion of living furniture fought off the attackers. Wendy lead the assault by hacking at people’s feet. Candy, Grenda and Paz all flung themselves at the sheriff’s posse; Candy beat at Durland’s face with her fists while Paz mirror-slammed Blubs and Toby.

  Mabel turned to Stan. “You really owe these guys a raise you know.” He sighed dramatically. “Yeah, I know.”

 “Dudes! Throw me!” shouted Soos. Mabel did so, and Soos beaned none other than Ghost Eyes himself on the back of his head.

    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  While chaos reigned downstairs, Gideon took advantage of his height to sneak upstairs. The cravat pin told him exactly which way to go. He made his way down the hallway, past the gilded mirrors and sumptuous tapestries. Finally, he came to the Beasts’ room. There among the décor and trappings, was a pedestal with a book on it. There is the source of the Beast’s power. The gem whispered to him.

 “What’s this? Evil monster’s a bookworm?” Gideon scoffed and opened it up.

Gideon opens me up.

“What the- Is this some kinda trick?” He turned a page.

He turns my page. He thinks it’s a trick.

“It’s reading my mind! Stop that!” He wagged his finger at the book, which slammed itself shut. Exasperated, he picked it up and tried to force it open.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  “And stay out!” Stan yelled at retreating attackers. There were still a bunch left to deal with, but his staff could handle them no prob-

  He suddenly felt horrible pain, as if all of his fur was being ripped out at once. “Ford…”

  He bounded up the stairs ten at a time. The twins scrambled after him as fast as they could. He came to his room in time to see Gideon rip out a fresh handful of pages. The boy looked up from his task to see a frothing, panting, furious terror.

  “Oh my…” he squeaked, dropping the book as the creature lunged at him.

  Dipper arrived first, just in time to see Grunkle Stan fling Gideon across the room. He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was one thing to watch him fight a pack of wolves, but to watch him fight a kid! Of course, Gideon was putting up a surprisingly good fight. He had grabbed a rapier from the wall and parried nearly every attack Stan flung at him. He even landed a few slashed across the hairy man’s arms.

  Mabel came up beside her brother and gasped in dismay. She gasped even louder when her eyes found Ford laying on the floor with half his pages torn out! She and Dipper ran over to him a scooped him up. “Ford! Ford! Are you okay Ford!?” they said together. Faint, shacky writing appeared on one of the remaining pages.

K-Kids ?

Dipper hugged Ford and set him back on the pedestal. Then turned to see the most frightening sight in his young life: Stan had cornered Gideon on the balcony, and with his left arm he picked him up and was now holding him over the edge. Over the ravine!

 “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DROP ME!!” Gideon begged as he clung to the claw that held him. “I’ll Go! I’ll Leave! I’ll never bother you or the Pines again! I’ll do anything Anything ANYTHING you want! JUST PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!!!!!!”

  Stan just stood there, growling, his hateful expression never changing. “you… you… you…” He couldn’t even find the words.

  However, the kids could. “STAN! STOP!” Dipper ran up right beside him, grabbing his cloak. “He’s Not Worth It!” Mabel reached up to touch his arm. They took turns speaking.

 “Ford is okay.”

 “The castle is okay.”

 “We’re okay.”

 “We won. We beat them.”

 “You don’t have to do this.”

 “Please stop.”

 “For us!” They said the last part in unison. Stan’s eyes darted back and forth between them. Then he let out a deep, long sigh. “Alright.” He groaned. “For you.”

  With that, he slowly lowered Gideon to the floor and released him from his grip, one finger at a time. “Gather up your cronies and beat it.” he told the shaking boy. Then he put one hand each one his beloved Pines and held them close.

  Gideon waddled off, eager to be away from this Beast, this castle, this whole debacle, when an all-too familiar voice piped up, startling everyone.

  LOOKS LIKE I’LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS MYSELF!

Chapter Text

  It all happened so fast. One second, Gideon was walking away. The next, he was waving the rapier around out of control. Gideon himself seemed terrified at what he was doing. It was like his arm was acting on its’ own.

 “AHHH! Bad Arm! STOP!!!” the unfortunate boy shrieked as he was dragged invisibly across the room. At his throat, the cravat pin glowed golden, and Bill’s laughter rang through the air.

   Stan side-stepped as the boy thrust at him, keeping the kids close to his sides.

 “BILLLL! You slimy smug schlemihl!! Get out of there and face me like a shape!”

   “If you insist!” Gideon stood completely still as Bill floated out from the gem. Like a reverse shadow, he loomed over the boy, separate, yet connected. Cackling he grabbed the rapier and resumed the fight.

 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

 While the action escalated upstairs, downstairs, things were starting to wind down. Grenda had just tied Toby up with fabric from her drawers. And McGucket brained the sixth guy in a row with the flat of Wendy’s blade. Even Robbie risked becoming a full-on guitar to fight alongside his old buddies.

 “Hey Tambry.” he called to the feather duster, “Long time no see.”

 “Good to see you too Robbie.” She fluffed out her feathers coyly.

 “She’s missed you a lot, haven’t you Tambers?” One of the candlesticks winked at her.

 “Don’t. Call. Me. Tambers!” She said each word as she whacked a different person in the face. One guy spiriled into the arms of the Librarian, who simply shrugged and carried him outside.

  %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

    Bill thrust forward, dragging Gideon behind him. His fighting skills were much greater than that of a chubby little boy. A simple chopping motion was enough to separate Stan from the twins. They ran to different ends of the balcony.  He looked around. And then he saw the boy.

 “YOU!” He lunged at Dipper. Dipper screwed his eyes shut and braced himself.

 “NO!” Stan cried out and dove between them. SHHHIEK! There was a loud ripping sound. Dipper looked up to the point of the rapier sticking out of Stans’ chest, right near his head. Stan roared in pain and fell to his knees. Bill pulled the sword out of his back and made for Dipper again. This time, Mabel rushed forward and grabbed Gideon by the shoulders, halting both him and Bill. Then Dipper grabbed the pin, tore it off of Gideon, flung it to the ground, and crushed it with his shoe. Bill screamed, and as he screamed, his body shattered and evaporated.

  Gideon, now that he had full control of his limbs again, ran away as fast as he could. Dipper and Mabel ran to Stan, who was still knelling on the floor.

 “You kiddos alright?” he asked as Mabel pressed his cape onto the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. “DON’T TALK!” she ordered, “Just take slow deep breathes.” Stan gave a weak chuckle and turned to Dipper. “Ford okay?” he asked. Dipper nodded.

 “He- he’s fine. Everyone is fine thanks to you.” A knot was tightening in his chest. His face felt hot. Dawn was coming, but everything was dark.

 “Heh. How bout that?” Guess I was good for something after… all…” His voice trailed off as he slumped over the frantic twins.

 “AHHH! NO NO NO!” Mabel shrieked as she tried to prop him back up and jolt him awake. “GRUNKLE STAN! HANG ON!” Dipper had to take a step back. This couldn’t be happening. Not after the promise they had made.

  %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  McGucket saw Gideon running off with the rest of the attackers.

 “Yippee! We got ‘em fellers!” he cried out. No one answered. He looked around. Everyone was completely still. No faces, no voices, just inanimate objects. His eyes widened. “Fellers?”

    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  Ford lay open on the table. His discombobulated mind tried to make sense of the situation. Something… very important… had been taken from him.

Stanly.

The word wrote itself over and over on his remaining pages.

Stanly. Stanly. Stannnly.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

  Mabel wouldn’t give up. She kept shaking Stan and even resorted to head-butting his chest. “Come on COME ON! I know you can make it!” Dipper slowly reached up and felt his hairy neck for a pulse. Nothing. Mabel turned to her brother imploringly.

 “H-h-he’s gonna be okay right? Right?” Dipper didn’t say anything. He just put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head; his eyes filling with tears.

 “Nooo! NO NO!” Mabel didn’t care how whiny her voice sounded. She and her brother buried themselves into the still-warm body, openly sobbing.

 “You can’t die! You can’t you can’t YOU CAN NOT! Everyone depends on you! We all look up to you! You’re the best friend we’ve ever made! Please don’t die, we love you!”

  Standing behind them, almost invisible, was a tall, translucent figure in a blue robe. No one saw her smile beneath her hood. No one saw her press all her fingers to her mouth and blow a kiss towards them. After all they had been through, the Falls brothers deserved a happy ending. And Bill deserved to see he wasn’t as powerful as he thought he was.

  So loudly were they crying, the twins almost didn’t hear the sudden inhale. They did hear the ba-bump of his heartbeat, and felt his chest move against them. And then, everything around them glowed. No. Stan was glowing!

  A sudden wind picked up, lifting Stans’ body to a standing position. The glow coming off of him was so bright, Dipper and Mabel had to shield their eyes. His cape fluttered and twisted and finally wrapped itself around him like a cocoon. His shape contorted and dwindled in size. The howling wind gave an almost musical sound.

  Finally, the cape unwound itself, and the still dimly glowing body was lowered back onto the ground. In place of a massive beast, there knelt a barrel-chested old man with shaggy grey hair. The man looked at his hands, his arms, his belly. Then he looked up at the Pines twins, revealing a big nose, square jaw, and dark brown eyes.

  He squinted at them. “…Kids?” he asked in a familiar voice. The kids gasped. This man was none other than

 “GRUNKLE STAN!!!!” they cried out and barreled towards him. The little trio fell down laughing.

  Dawn broken over the castle. As light poured over it, so did the breaking of the curse. Downstairs, the frightened McGucket jumped as all the objects around him transformed in great flashes. Wendy appeared; a tall pale redhead who was immediately tackled by her three little brothers. Miss Susan stood up; her good eye gazing at her restored limbs in awe. Pacifica was helped to her feet by the now finely-dressed Candy and Grenda. Soos picked up his grandma and swung her around in his beefy arms. He then saw Melody come running in and did the same to her. Nate, Lee and Thomson all shook each other’s hands, while Tambry swept Robbie into a dramatic kiss.

  Stan stood up and gazed around him. “H-how did all this happen?” he asked, flabbergasted. “Did you two…”

 “Of course!” Dipper smacked his forehead. “No one said you had to be romantically in love with someone!”

 “So, you two love me?” He stared at them.

 “Obviously!” Mabel exclaimed, flinging her arms out for emphasis.

 “So that means…” They heard a loud thud from the bedroom, and all turned to look. There, among the now restored furniture, beside the pedestal holding the fully repapered journal, a man sat on the floor. His clothes impeccable, his face an almost exact match to Stans’, a six-fingured hand resting on one knee. Stan stared at him, afraid to speak. The man -Ford- smiled.

 “H-hello Ssstanly.” he stuttered. Stan broke down “SIXER!” and rushed over to him. Instantly, they were a mass of embraces and apologies. Dipper and Mabel watched them, their faces sore from smiling so much. Ford looked up at them and reached out his hand. Then there were two sets of twins embracing on the floor.

  Below, everyone was meeting in the ballroom to celebrate. Mcgucket did a happy jig, Soos kissed Melody, and Blending ran back and forth screaming his head off. Then Wendy heard a noise from above. “Look!” she shouted and pointed. Everyone turned to see Stanly Falls holding up Stanford Falls on the stairway. They all cheered and chanted at the sight of their masters. And when Dipper Pines and Mabel Pines came up in front of them, they cheered even louder. Everything was noise and joy and touches and love.

Chapter Text

  Things didn’t resolve right away. The first thing the little foursome did after celebrating was plop down in front of the fireplace and fall asleep holding hands. They spent a lot of time sleeping together after that.

  Both Ford and Stan had to re-adjust to being human again. Stan had to deal with the sudden height difference and duller senses (he was still very strong for his age). Ford meanwhile, had gone so long without moving he couldn’t walk on his own. Stan was only too happy to carry him around on his back.

  Soos wasted no time in proposing to Melody. They had a New Years’ wedding. Likewise, Robbie and Tambry moved in together and were rarely seen without each other.

  Pacifica left for her own kingdom, promising to come back for a visit. She was greeted with much fanfare. Candy and Grenda opted to stay at the castle with Mabel.

  Gideon, as a form of apology, happily returned the rights to the Falls territory to Stan and Ford. They were coronated in a quiet personal ceremony. And their first decree was that Dipper and Mabel would be their heirs.

  As for Gompers and Waddles: They were content to share a stall in the stables, growing fat and happy in the hay. Mabel said they were her second-favorite couple.

  Months went by, and things settled by degrees. Ford slowly got his strength back in his arms and legs, and night by night, the foursome weaned themselves off of sleeping in the same bed all the time. They still enjoyed taking naps together whenever they could. Wendy had to remind them to keep a decent sleep schedule.

  Once Spring came around, Mabel, Dipper, Stan, Ford, Wendy, Soos, and Fiddle all went to the shack where they spent a month cleaning out all un-useable stuff and packing all of Fiddle’s things to bring back to the castle for the new workshop. Stan also arranged for the damages to be repaired. The place looked so good once cleaned up, that the Falls Heads proclaimed it The Official Royal Summer Home.

  No one ever mentioned that Fiddle was the twins’ legal guardian. It seemed unnecessary to bring it up. The three of them just melded into Stan and Fords’ family.  

  On the first of June, they packed up a basket, and headed out to the hills for a picnic. Ford hobbled part of the way on a cane, then Stan hoisted him on his back as they hiked up the hill. Once there, they got out the sweet buns and sausage rolls and chowed down. Dipper got out his new journal and started sketching. Mabel picked flowers to make into crowns.

 “Soon as we can, we should buy a boat and go on a sea voyage.” Stan declared in between bites of his roll.

 “Totally!” said Dipper, “I’ve always wanted to see the coast.”

 “Are we gonna hire sailors?” Mabel asked eagerly, “Big swarthy ones?”

  Dipper scoffed; “I doubt we’d need them. Our grunkles can protect us just fine.”

  Stan adjusted his flower crown. “Eh, I’m tough alright, but it’s not like I’m a war hero.”

 “Are ya kidding?” Dipper gestured wildly, “You outsmarted a space demon, you spent years protecting your employees, you dove in front of us as a living shield!” He tiiped his drink to him. “That’s straight-up hero stuff going on!”

  Ford gave a chuckle; “My brother the big hero. What an honor that is for me.”

  Stan looked down and blushed. “Yeah, well… Yeah. But don’t you two sell yourselves short. If it weren’t for you’s two, we would’ve lost all hope.” He took each of their hands in his own. The four of them sat there, connected by love. “And I’ll bet you’ll become even bigger heroes in the future.”