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White. All he could see was white.
It’s all my fault, he thought. I should’ve known a blizzard would hit.
And yet he still let it happen.
It was supposed to be a vacation of sorts. Their apartment broke down from one of the neighbors so they decided to go to a house in the woods that was being rented.
But now with the raging storm happening, it was not a good idea.
I have to find him… he could barely hear his own thoughts because of the wind, Even if it’s the last thing I do…
His tolerance for the cold was pretty high. Though not for the other boy, and that was what worried him. If he’s late.... The other might actually be…
No, stop thinking that. Keep walking. Keep walking until your legs are tired. Keep walking until you can’t feel your limbs anymore. If you’re too slow he might actually end up that way. Those thoughts chanted in his head like a mantra, torturing him it seems. But then again, he deserved it. He deserved death if he ever got the other killed in this blizzard.
Don’t be so weak, just keep going. One step. Take responsibility for what you caused, dammit. Another. His legs quivered, barely able to even hold up his body. He wanted to collapse but he knew he couldn’t.
But in the end he couldn’t keep going.
His legs gave up on him. His knees slammed onto the snow. No matter how much he tried to he couldn’t move them. Perhaps he did, but he already lost the senses to feel if he did or not.
“Fuck..” he cursed under his breath. He could already feel his feet slowly getting buried by the snow. He had to move quick before he lost his life. And so, he started crawling with only his hands. Even with usually his cold resistant body he started to shiver heavily. Breath short, he grasped on to the snow with all he can. He still had to go find him.
Ten minutes inside the raging blizzard, he knew he couldn’t continue moving. His arms shook to the bones. The weight of his body was too much now. It ached. Everything did. It all screamed at him to stop, just go back. But his mind refused.
Even so, he couldn’t take it anymore.
His arms fell to the snow. He couldn’t feel it anymore. Whether it was moving or not, he wouldn’t know. The snow whirling around him was too much,that it blocked most of his sight. Slowly, he could feel the faintest of tears rolling down his cheeks. He had to get up, hadn’t he? He has to.
But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t move forward anymore. He had nowhere to go. Coughing up to his scarf, he took it off. His hand shook weakly while grasping it. It was a special one, one he cherished.
With barely enough strength, he threw the scarf with all his might to the storm around him, quickly disappearing from sight. Immediately after, his hands gave up on his body and fell on the snow. Cold.
At least now he can get warmer clothes.... please let it reach to him....
If I die…. please just let him survive.
-
He’d been trapped inside the cave for a very long time. There was too much snow to go out. He went out to get some sticks for firewood, only to get stuck in the blizzard.... Luckily he found a cave, and while it wasn’t the warmest, it was warmer than the outside. All he had now was a dying fire because of the cold and lack of materials to burn and his dying self. He knows his luck won’t last very long so he hopes, hopes that the storm will end soon.
A few minutes later he realized the cave was deeper than he thought. Perhaps he should explore and move his body a bit? Maybe it’ll help with him keep warm. Perhaps he should bring some sort of light? So he took the biggest stick from the fire and used it as a torch. He knew it wouldn’t last long, but maybe it will? He wasn’t sure.
The light it emitted wasn’t much, actually. A majority of the cave was still dark, and he could only use the walls as a guide. A few minutes of hesitant steps later, he found himself in a pretty open area. Still trailing against the walls, he soon found that there was nowhere to go anymore. Just a dead end.
But just when he was about to get out, he bumped into a sort of… table? On top of it was a small, moldy and rusty chest, covered in dust. It was probably locked, but since it’s been left there for ages it just.. opened when he tried to do it. Inside was just a piece of paper, surprisingly. A very old looking one.
There was writing on it. Barely readable, but he managed. Scrunching his eyebrows, he slowly put it back, as his light began to dim. And frankly, he didn’t want to be left in the dark. And so he went back to his spot.
The fire had only a few seconds to live, he figured. He was very weak to the cold, and always relied on cuddling with him for heat, but… he’s not here…
Either he’s going to die, or he’s going to barely make it.
After a few more minutes of trying to warm himself, something happened. Out of nowhere, a piece of cloth came hurling into the small space he had. Confused and shocked, he picked it up, And the moment he laid his eyes on it, he knew what it was.
A scarf. His scarf.
He could recognize that scarf anywhere. After all, he gave it to him as a special gift. But… why was it here…? Unless…
It had to be that. Why else?
He’s out there in the storm.
His eyes widened at the thought. Breath shortened. But he tried to focus. Grabbing the scarf, the cloth almost slipping out, he rushed to the snowstorm, abandoning his safe spot. It was at this moment that he felt his weakness hitting him. In a matter of seconds his body started shivering, and his sprint slowed down to steps. He hated it right now. He hated that he was so weak in this situation.
He clutched on the scarf as hard as his hands would allow it. Even if all he could see was white, he could find him, right? He still wore black in this season, he should find him…
Luck blessed him, and cursed him.
He found him alright. Juts not in the state he wanted to… He saw the slightest bit of dark in the distance, and ran towards it. He wanted it to be him, but also he wished it wasn’t. Because then it’d mean…
He was right.
His beloved’s body, on the ground. Cold. Dead. But it couldn’t be true, right? Why would he be out there in the first place..? Unless… he was looking for him.
But it couldn’t be, right? No way he’d look for a liar like him. But if he did… what would that mean..?
It’s his fault.
Had he not gone out… Had he just stayed… he wouldn’t die...
His fault.
He dropped to his knees. He couldn’t feel his shivering anymore. Reaching a hand to the body, he brushed the snow out of the way.
His fault .
And he could see him clearly now. He didn’t want to, actually, but… he had to. Even in death his face was still beautiful, he thought. Littered with bits of snow, he looked almost like a sleeping angel had it not been for the dead eyes staring into nothing.
His vision started blurring. He couldn’t see his beloved’s face anymore. All he could see now were dots of white everywhere. His life was withering away, and he didn’t mind. And so, with a kiss on the forehead, he fell to the ground,
“I love you, Saihara-chan.”
Black. All they could see was black.