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“Can we talk?”
Those were the words Koshino asked as we waited for the train together. We had run into each other at a shop in the middle of town the first day of summer break.
“What about, Kosshii?” I asked in my curiosity. We had already talked about our plans for the summer over lunch, and talked about the club and its members, even teasing each other with who might have had a crush on whom. I brought up the third year that always asked him for help, and he had a handful of names for me, one including Banri.
Anyone but Banri.
“I’m worried about you,” he replied. “You’re one of our best dancers, and you’re always happy to help. You don’t always hold your tongue, but you’re always cheerful around the members.”
“What about that makes you worried?”
“It’s when you fall back from everyone, and I notice you not smiling at all.”
“Happy people aren’t going to smile all the time.”
“Well... Are you happy?”
I held my breath, not knowing how to respond to that. Since we first met in the cultural dance club, Koshino had become like an older brother to me, so I wasn’t surprised by the fact that he had a watchful eye, especially on me. I lowered my head, my eyes staring at the ground.
“Which one of them hurt you?” he added, causing me to sit up straight and turn my head to stare.
“What makes you think that?” I asked. “It’s about no one!”
That was a lie. It * was* about someone. Someone who wanted to forget his past self and everything along with it. Everything, and everyone.
Banri wanted to forget about me. He wanted to forget our time in high school, where we did everything together, and I kept my watchful eye on him. He wanted to forget his confession to me, and all of his feelings before his accident.
At first, I thought I was okay with him forgetting who he was after what happened - the old Banri. I looked on as the new Banri went through his first semester of college. How easy it was for him to get along with people and make friends. How quickly he fell in love.
The closer he got to her, I found myself hoping he’d somehow remember me - remember us. I almost thought I had the old Banri back a few nights ago, when I ran into him as we both worked as maids at the rave. The thrill of being in a strange environment together, the joy in the laughter we shared… it was almost like we were back in high school.
And then, the cameras flashed, the crowd gathered around us, and he pulled me closer by the waist, his eyes fixed on me, as though he cared for no one else. If only for that moment, I wanted him back. I needed him back. So I could finally answer his question. So I could lean even closer, feel his breath against mine until our lips touched.
If only the eyes weren’t watching. If only her eyes weren’t watching - hers being of the one he loved.
It was because of her that he met up with me after that night and told me that he wanted to forget about me, to pretend we never met. To pretend that he never loved me. I can’t believe that he wanted to rip the photo of us from high school, but something stopped him from doing it.
I can’t believe that I took the photo from his hands to rip it myself.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Koshino asked, and I turned to him with a cheerful smile.
“I’m fine.”