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It was wonderful to be living in the palace now.
Really, it was! Spinel could explore the long halls, engage in hijinks, entertain the Diamonds and even prank the pearls on the occasion it hit her fancy. She was an artist of laughter and these new gems, a canvas; she, finally, once again an entertainer with an audience at her stage.
And what an audience it could be! So many gems coming through, so many different individuals to make smile. Her absolute favorite was, of course, Yellow- the diamond was always easy to get a laugh out of, though it made the achievement no less fulfilling. Spinel reveled in it, the love that was given to her and all these new gems she was friends with.
Still, it was hard to forget the circumstances of her coming here. Regret still plucked away at her strings, shame still running through her every time anyone mentioned Steven or the earth he inhabited. That pain was still too fresh and recent to be going away any time soon, and she worked hard to distract herself from it by making others happy instead of letting herself hurt anyone again from her own feelings.
It was made even worse when, barely a week after arriving to the palace, the Diamonds gave Spinel Pink’s old room. Still having a few of Steven’s things in it for his occasional visits, still that shade she specifically tried to avoid during her last reformation after she was starting to feel just a little bit better. She could feel herself dull, her own pink less bright and cheery, at seeing the room again as the Diamonds presented it to her. Still, she would not turn down the gift outright out of obligation.
The pebbles mistakenly greeted her as Pink, just once. That was enough to avoid the room altogether.
Instead she wandered the halls, avoiding that wing and trying to ignore it and how she felt about her situation instead of turning on others. It didn’t always work, and sometimes went to Blue to cry and yell and how could they like her like this, why would the diamonds want a Spinel so damaged? That has done what she has and been thrown off the way she had been?
Blue, valiantly despite being a bit out of her zone with this, comforted her the best she could. It often made Spinel feel better, but still that little bit of doubt settled into her gem like an impurity just ready to bubble right back up at the wrong time.
Between those little episodes, though, she was sunny and fun and loved to make her Diamonds happy. She bounced around the throne room, distracted them when some boring thing or another was happening, even played little jokes during broadcasts that she just knew would make the gems watching laugh, even just a little. She grew to know every one of their individual senses of humor, each of the Diamond’s favorite bits or jokes. She learned them as she would any new friend, trying her best to make them as happy as she could.
Spinel was walking from one of these playtimes, humming and mentally scoping out the palace for future mischief, when the walls started to recede from the elegant and bare white to, of all things, pink. She didn’t notice, not at first. The first rule of comedy has to be exaggeration, so thus her noticing the predicament came almost far too late and far too far into Pink’s wing.
When Spinel finally did notice the place of her wanderings, a place she hadn’t been in weeks, something twisted in her. Something ugly and bad, that made the tips of her boots curl in disgust. She immediately spun right around, didn’t even look back, and marched out of the wing.
she avoided that part of the palace for a long, long time.
Playtime was more important than feeling that horrid twist and hollowness in the heart of her gemstone again. Laughter, entertainment! Making her new friends smile always kept her mind off the bad, and kept her from looking at the fourth section of the palace.
Was it a few months? It might had been a few months, when Steven came back again through the warp that was installed into the throne room. Spinel was springing off of each diamond’s hand, winding her arms up and doing a flip each time she went to a differently colored pair of hands- laughing and giggling all the while. All four diamonds looked and perked up, however, as the warp lit up and Steven appeared.
“Steven!” The diamonds called, attention immediately broken from Spinel. She was a little put off by the game ending, but sat on Blue’s shoulder and gave a tentative wave to him anyway. She hoped he didn’t pay particular attention to her. She jumped from Blue’s shoulder, hopping down the hierarchy of thrones and almost sitting at the arm of Pink’s before stopping herself and just standing on the platform.
“Hi guys! Long time no see!”
“Oh Steven, please say you’ll stay a bit!” White cooed.
“Yes, we missed you ever so much!” Blue insisted.
The Diamonds cooed over Steven, Spinel feeling out of place and a little forgotten as he seemed to garner all the attention so immediately. She watched as Steven had to wave off the doting Diamonds, some jealousy making a pit in the middle of the gladness of seeing Steven again.
Until the topic went to her.
“Oh, she’s been so wonderful to have around! She reminds us so much of Pink.”
That was nice, but… haven’t they started thinking of her as herself instead of reminding them of Pink yet?
They continued on, thanking Steven for her and letting her be in the palace with them. It went to the circumstances that she went to them in, and-
And he started talking about the destruction of the earth.
What she did.
What they’re doing to fix her mistake. To repair what she had broken.
She couldn’t be here to think of that.
The moment Steven’s back was turned- talking to Yellow, some comment or another about healing the Earth- Spinel took her chance and ran. From the responsibility, from the guilt and shame.
With no real direction chosen, just ‘away’ being at the forefront of her mind, it was no wonder and some cruel twist of fate that she would end up down the fourth wing and at Pink’s room. But going in there felt better than what she was feeling now, so Spinel took the chance and burst in, making the beeline for the balcony. She hopped onto the rail, heavy breaths holding back tears as she all but wound herself into a ball and tried to stop feeling as bad as she did, just from being reminded of the past.
It could have been minutes, could have been a half hour, before the door to the room opened and Spinel could hear Steven’s flip flops walk across the well-polished floor.
“Spinel?”
“Go away, Steven.” She was perched on the railing of Pink’s balcony, prominently facing away from the rest of the room she didn’t want to think about. “You don’t want to see me. Nobody wants to see me like this.”
Steven waved off the pebbles that appeared in greetings as he came in, making the beeline for Spinel. He moved, just for a moment, to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder, but thought better of it and instead stood to the side.
“That’s not true! The Diamonds took you in.”
“Yea, and look where that got me. They love me, but they put me here, in- in her room.” While he couldn’t see her face, Steven could hear the crack in her voice. See the tears dripping from her eyes and onto the floor of the balcony. ”Not that I stick around.” She looked out to Homeworld, the view that held so many new places, so many new gems to meet and places to play. And they gave her this room, the one room she wanted to be in the least. Go figure.
“And the moment my back’s turned, the second you come back to do your ‘hero of the universe’ schtick,” a hand went up with air quotes to accentuate Spinel’s point, “They go right back to ya like… like I don’t even matter. Like I’m just something to distract them while you’re gone. They said just as much.”
“Spinel…”
“How do you do it, Steven?” She finally turned to him, tears running down the tracks still going down her cheeks. “How do they love you like that? Like you’re the center to their universe?”
Steven was quiet for a moment, letting Spinel wipe the tears from her eyes. It was a harsh generalization, she knew that, but what if it was true? What did he have that she didn’t, that the Diamonds wanted that only one can give? She offered all she could. There was nothing Spinel wouldn’t do for them.
“It’s just… time.” Steven considered his words carefully. “We both remind them of her. They know I’m not Pink, but I’ve had time with them. They’ve gotten to know me.” He hopped up to sit next to her on the railing, facing the inside of the room as she still faced the outside. “With a little more time, they’ll get to know you.”
“But- but what if they don’t?” She tried, knowing it was a fruitless argument. “They gave me her room, they keep saying how I remind them of her. I love them Steven, I really do, but when will they think of me as me instead of a reminder? I want to be loved… for me.”
That was it. She loved it here, loved her new family, but was getting a little fatigued with being just a reminder, a bookmark to their love for Steven. She’d started to think of the Diamonds as their own- White is always so loving, Blue supportive, Yellow always gives the best laughs- and she wanted the same from them. Was it too much to get the same from them?
“You are. You just have to wait to see it a little better.” Steven held out a hand, easy to take or easy to deny. “Give it time. You’ll see.”
She eyed him, unsure whether to believe him or to count off his claims as crazy. Spinel trusted him though, and knew that Steven wouldn’t lie, especially about something like this. She hesitated, hand hovering over his, before taking it.
“Okay. I’m holdin’ ya word to it.”
He grinned, jumping down from the railing and guiding her with them. As they both started to get swarmed by pebbles saying hello, Steven waved them goodbye and walked through the crowd, Spinel in tow, back to the throne room. As he lead her back through the halls, back to the Diamonds, she thought:
She could give them the time they needed to think of her, as her. She was patient enough to be Spinel in their eyes, and could bear to be a little more appreciative of the gifts they’d given her.
After Steven's visit, Pink’s room- her room- felt a little less terrible, and started feeling more like home.