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Ava felt like her heart was about to burst from how rapidly it was pounding in her chest.
She couldn't believe she was about to do this, she was going to tell the Legends the truth about herself. She’d known truth for weeks now, but was too afraid to tell them. She was still afraid.
She knew why she was so hesitant. She had never felt the way she felt toward Sara with anyone else before and while, yes, it was exciting to experience this feeling, it was also terrifying.
She didn't want to ruin it. She felt at home with Sara, on the Waverider with her and the Legends. It was a feeling she'd never truly experienced before. She already cared so much about the Legends, even though she would never admit it out loud.
Ava thought that once the Legends knew about her, about what she really was, they wouldn't think she was good enough for Sara anymore and wouldn't continue supporting their relationship.
If the logical side of her brain wasn't malfunctioning at the moment, Ava would be able to see that the Legends have supported her and Sara dating since the beginning, and that them finding out she was a clone wouldn't change that.
But, she couldn't think logically. She could only think about all of the bad things that could happen and everything that could possibly go wrong.
As she stood in front of Legends, who surprisingly stayed silent while they waited for her to speak, she felt more anxiety than she'd ever felt.
She felt sick to her stomach, like she could throw up at any moment. She could hear the blood in her ears pounding in sync with the quick beating of her heart. She couldn't speak for awhile, it felt like hours but she knew it could've only been a few minutes.
In those minutes, Sara started getting more and more worried about Ava. The taller blonde looked pale, like she was about to faint.
"Baby?" Sara said softly and Ava didn't respond, she just kept looking at the ground as she focused on her breathing.
"Ava?" Sara tried again but still didn't get a response.
"Ava? What's going on?" Nora spoke up, clearly concerned about Ava. She’d never seen the director like this before.
"T-t-there's something I... I need to tell you all." Ava finally said, her voice dry from lack of use. She was going to speak again when the feeling of dread only grew and she had to stop herself.
"I'm going to be sick." She mumbled. She saw Sara's brows crinkle with concern as she gave her a sideways glance.
Sara knew she shouldn't reach out and touch Ava right now, that Ava might not want any physical contact and it could make things worse.
But, Ava was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't stop staring at the ground and she had her arms tightly around herself.
Sara bit her lip. "Aves? Baby, you can do this another time. You don't have to do it now." She said softly.
Ava shook her head. "I need to say it, n-now. They deserve to know, Sara." She said, her voice sounding breathy even to her own ears.
"You don't owe them anything," Sara said. "If you decide not to tell them, that's perfectly fine."
Ava had to turn her back to the Legends as tears filled her eyes. She didn't want them to see her cry, even though she knew it was obvious to them that she was distressed.
She closed her eyes and tightened her arms around herself, her breathing starting to get heavier and more ragged, and Sara couldn't just stand there and watch her girlfriend suffer like this.
The team seemed to be able to sense that Ava didn't want them seeing her like this so they slowly backed out of the room.
"S-ara." Ava gasped, feeling Sara's presence but wanting to know she was there.
"I'm here, baby. I'm right here," Sara said, standing next to Ava. "Can I touch you?"
Ava instantly nodded and before she knew it, she was being guided by gentle hands over to the couch. She sat down and felt Sara sit next to her. Ava kept her eyes closed as she was pulled into Sara's embrace.
"I-I'm s-sorry." Ava covered her face with her hands as she started sobbing, her body trembling in Sara's arms.
"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise." Sara whispered, kissing Ava's forehead as she held her close. "You don't have to tell them. They won't be mad at you or anything. They’d understand."
Ava felt pathetic for crying over this, but she was terrified that she would lose the Legends and Sara after telling them her secret.
"They're gonna hate me," she cried, "they're gonna hate me and not want me to be with you anymore." She leaned against Sara, her sobs coming full force in a way that only made her feel more nauseous.
"They aren't, Aves," Sara said, gently rubbing Ava's back. "I promise they won't. They love you. I love you. And nothing will change that. Especially not this."
Ava's sobs stopped for a moment when Sara said that she loved her, those three words still made her speechless despite Sara having said them before.
"I-I-I'm so scared. And... I hate that I feel this way," Ava said quietly, "I wish I was more confident about t-this but I'm not."
"It's okay to not be confident. I'm proud of you for admitting that you're scared." Sara kissed her temple, "everything will be okay. Trust me, it will."
Ava sniffed and nodded, taking a few more minutes to calm herself down. "P-promise?" She whispered when her breathing was somewhat back to normal.
Sara nodded, "I promise." She said and pulled away slightly so she could cup Ava's cheeks in her hands, wiping away her tears. "Everything's gonna be okay." She looked into Ava's eyes as she said this.
Those blue eyes that were normally bright and focused were now a grayish color, red from all the tears that had been shed.
Ava leaned into Sara's touch and smiled lightly. "It'll be okay." She repeated, trying to convince herself.
Sara nodded, "it'll be okay."
Ava sighed, feeling exhausted now that she'd calmed down.
"What do you wanna do?" Sara asked.
"I..." Ava hesitated a moment, "want to tell them still."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
They both stood up and Sara asked Gideon to bring the team back in.
Ava wiped away her tears, even though she knew it was pointless. She looked like she'd been crying.
The Legends came back in, all of them looking concerned and worried for Ava, even Mick.
"Sorry... for having to stop." Ava said and bit her lip.
"It's okay." Zari said reassuringly with a smile.
"Yeah, are you okay?" Nora asked, frowning.
"I could be better, but I do feel better than earlier." Ava said truthfully.
"There's just... something I... I found out about myself recently. And... I thought it was time to tell you all." Ava started. "And then um... Zari," she looked at the brunette, "I'd um... I'd like it a lot if you helped Sara and I look into some stuff about myself. After this."
Zari nodded, "yeah, of course."
Ava took in a deep breath, feeling Sara's hand slip into hers and that helped her calm down enough to tell them.
"When I was in 2213 a few weeks ago... there was something there that I didn't expect. Rip... he always told me that I should never go to that time period. He made it so that it was nearly impossible to go there, even with the motherships. And well... he had a reason." Ava let out a breath.
Nate and Ray looked intrigued, but they stayed quiet.
"I'm... I'm a clone. Basically, in 2213 clones are a normal thing. They all have specific roles in society... they all look like me and are named 'Ava'. But I'm pretty sure I'm the only Ava Sharpe." Ava said, looking at all of the Legends carefully to gage their reactions.
Charlie looked interested, Zari and Nora looked pensive but curious, Mick looked a bit bored, and Nate and Ray looked like they wanted to ask her a million questions but instead decided to stay quiet.
"I didn't want to tell you all at first because... well, it's not something you hear about everyday and... I'm still learning how to deal with it. I didn't want you all to hate what I am or..." Ava hesitated, wanting to share her fear but she was also scared to voice it.
"Or..." Zari prompted.
"Or not want me to be with Sara anymore. I thought you'd think I wasn't good enough for her because I'm a clone and there are millions of people who look and sound like me in 2213."
Nora and Zari's faces softened.
"Oh, Ava," Nora smiled, "we could never hate you."
Zari nodded, "Nora's right. We love you being with Sara... and we like hanging out with you. You being a clone doesn't change that."
"Right! Besides, we've seen weirder things!" Ray chimed in but frowned. "Was that bad to say?"
Ava chuckled lightly and shook her head, "no, it wasn't. Thank you, Ray." She smiled.
"Yeah, it would take a lot for us to hate you anyways. It's not like you can control where you came from." Nate said and shrugged.
Ava's eyes filled with tears but now for a completely different reason than before.
"We still ship you two a lot. Pretty sure nothing would change that." Charlie spoke up.
"Thank you... all of you. For being supportive of me staying here and... and me being with Sara." Ava said, her voice cracking slightly. She was trying to hold back her tears.
"Of course! No need to thank us." Zari smiled.
Nora slowly walked closer to Ava. "I know you're not a hugger but—" She was cut off by Ava wrapping her arms around her and holding her tightly.
"Thank you." Ava choked out quietly, tears falling down her cheeks the moment Nora started hugging her back. She hid her face in Nora's neck as she felt Zari join the hug and was very quickly joined by Ray and Nate, along with Charlie.
“You all are too nice to me... thank you." Ava whispered and sniffed, hugging them all except Mick, who stood beside Sara.
Sara smiled as she watched them hug. She knew that the team would be nothing but supportive of Ava no matter what.