Chapter Text
When he realized that he's in love with Richie Tozier, Eddie thought being in love with his best friend is easier than falling for someone else, you got to have your crush beside you all the time. He cares for you, he loves you, he's there for you. But maybe, being in love with your best friend isn't really that easy. There are complexities too... and one of those is the risk of having your friendship broken.
Seven days... SEVEN FUCKING DAYS since Eddie made the crappiest decision in his whole life. It's to confess his feelings for his best friend Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier who's known for his annoying jokes and stupid obsession with Eddie's own mother.
It was Friday, after class, they were waiting for the rest of the Losers in their club house. It's just the two of them, Eddie and Richie. They are side by side on the hammock with Richie reading a comic book and Eddie secretly watching him.
He was actually waiting for Richie's gaze to fell on his and get as much attention he wanted because Eddie will not admit it but even with his silly and vulgar remarks, he is a sucker for Richie's attention... and there's actually something he wanted to discuss with his friend.
There's been something that's bugging him. Eddie's been friends with Richie ever since and he thought whatever he's feeling for his trashmouth friend is a normal platonic friendship. It's only two years ago when he sort his feelings out and day by day, it grows deeper and deeper. He doesn't know how but he thinks he's in love with Richie. At first he thought he was lucky to fall for someone who he knows all his life... but as it gets deeper, it became scary. There are times that he just wanted to tell him he loves him - that was the scary part.
And with love comes hope, it wasn't just once when Eddie lectured himself for overthinking Richie's gestures towards him... for hoping that his friend could love him back.
"Geez! Spill it, Eds. I know you've been staring at my handsome face the whole time." Richie lifted his gaze on him and Eddie was fast to look away. "Is this the time where you're gonna tell me to stop hitting on your mother because you want me all for yourself?"
His friend grinned stupidly not knowing that he got some part of it right. But not the one about his mother though.
"Shut up!" He scowled but Richie just hushed him.
"Yah!" Richie poked his cheek with a wide grin. "You make shut up a cute word whenever you say it while blushing."
Eddie's eyes widened, he doesn't know whether it's because of Richie's finger touching his cheeks, or maybe it's because of his words that doesn't mean anything for Richie but meant a lot of things to Eddie.
"Don't say things you do not mean!" He snapped.
Richie finally closed the stupid comic book, his full attention on him and a wide grin is playing on his lips.
"I mean it! You're the cutest loser I know and everyone should agree."
"Ben would not." He reasoned out.
Richie shushed him using a hand. "That's because he's head over heels for Bev."
"Stan wouldn't agree too!" Eddie squabbled once again but a smile creeping into his face.
Richie chuckled and ruffled his hair much to his delight. "That's because he's blinded by Bill's charisma."
Does that mean Richie is blinded by his charisma too like Stan to Bill? Or is he head over heels for him too like Ben to Bev? Eddie gulped, subtly leaning in to the touch of Richie's hand on his hair.
Here he is, overthinking Richie's words and gestures again. He's afraid that one day, he'd just explode for hiding his feelings for too long. Eddie has had enough. He wanted to shout it to the world. He's ready to tell Richie Tozier the overwhelming emotion he has whenever the boy pinch his cheeks, or whenever he say he's cute and call him Eds or Spaghetti. He's ready to tell him he's in love... and that love is for him.
Eddie heaved a sigh, curled his fists into a ball and shut his eyes close, trying to find the courage to finally confess everything.
"Hey! Are you okay?" Richie stopped ruffling his hair to tap his cheeks lightly.
Eddie ignored him, his eyes remained close. He's trying to ransack his brain for the right words to use and Richie's concern towards him doesn't really help at all, it just makes him more nervous.
"Eds. Does your head hurt? HEY!" Richie started tugging on his shoulder and shrugged the life out of him.
Oh fuck! He can't really shut up for once
He shot his eyes open in annoyance. "Okay, okay! I'm alive Richie!" He said with hands raised up as if surrendering.
"Oh God, Eds!" Richie clutched his chest. "I thought you needed inhaler."
"I could breath, can't I?"
"Th-Then why are you sighing like an old man? Geez!" Richie crossed his arms and leaned on to the edge of the hammock. "C'mon, spill it out! Do you want to talk to me about something ? I could try to list—"
"Rich!" Eddie put up a hand, trying to stop his friend from talking non-stop. "I know it, listening isn't your best talent but can you please just stay quiet?! I-I'm trying to... I want to tell you something.
The trashmouth shrugged his shoulders.
Eddie breathe out. Here it goes
"Richie. I-I..." He scrunched his nose. "I like y—no! I love you..." He gulped. "I love you."
Eddie felt the his heart burns in his chest. He finally said the words. But... is it worth it? After a few seconds of silence, he hesitantly looked up to Richie who has his mouth agape and eyes so big they are almost out of their socket.
Speak you idiot! He wanted to shout but he can't find the courage to open his mouth again. Eddie could just look at Richie, his heart gets heavier as the time passes without his friend answering him. It was but dead silent.
I love you
It took a good minute for those words to sink in Richie's mind.
'I love you' The words rang inside his head again.
Is that an affection of a friend? Is that a joke? Or is it... romantic love?
When Richie found his composure, he chuckled and fixed his glasses. "I-It was a joke... isn't it?" He finally got to ask but when Eddie's shoulder slumped down and his sad eyes met his, Richie knew it wasn't.
"I wish it was." Eddie answered and in that instant, all the tears went falling down his face. It was like all the feelings he coiled up inside rushed out. The pining, the longing, the embarrassment of having to confess, the pain that he might feel once he got rejected, Richie not believing him not knowing how much courage he had to gain just to tell him. It was unnerving, he doesn't know what to feel, he could only cry.
"I-I meant everything that I said." Eddie continued, trying his best to keep the sobs from coming out.
Richie bit his lip at the sight of his best friend crying. It slowly dawn onto him. It wasn't a joke. Eddie is telling the truth.
He felt like he was splashed by ice water. Like is this a fucking dream? Eddie Kaspbrak... his own best friend who hates his stupid guts, the one who he often makes fun of, the one who nags him whenever he goes to school with dirty shoes, the one who's the most grossed out by him whenever he talks about porn and teen hormones... that Eddie Kaspbrak likes him?
Oh God!
What should I do?!
Heck—!
Different thoughts and questions began flashing the fuck inside his mind.
What would people say?!
What if it's not worth risking anything?!
What the hell should I say?
What of our friendship?
The thoughts scared him. He gave one last look to Eddie's face and he was met with the latter's innocent eyes, patiently waiting for an answer, he looks scared, nervous and on edge... but can he really risk everything for him?
Can I?
He gulped and without thinking twice, jumped off the hammock to run away from that place. He needs to be alone. He needs time to think. He needs time to absorb all of these thoughts inside his head. He can't risk everything right now...
"R-Richie... Richie..." He heard Eddie's hesitant soft voice calling him, begging for him to look back but he can't. He just can't. Because looking back means he's ready to face it. Looking back means he's ready to risk everything.
He didn't even stop halfway. He left me. He doesn't like me. He's now disgusted knowing I'm gay and I like him.
Eddie's tears kept brimming down his eyes. He jumped off the hammock and was about to get his things but what if Richie decided to come back? What if he decided to talk this out? After all, behind his craziness and insensitivity, he knew that Richie cares. He always care.
And so, Eddie decided to climb back onto the hammock with a little hope that his best friend would find his way back.
"Eddie! Wake up!"
Eddie grunted when he heard Mike's voice, pulling him from his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes just to come face to face with Bill, Mike and Stan who are looking down on him.
"I thought you're with Richie, where's the trashmouth?" Mike continued.
He was confused for a while until his brain finally caught up. He fell asleep while waiting for Richie...
and he's not even here...
He didn't came back for me
"Why are your eyes swollen?" Stan cast him a questioning look, his eyes are sharp and narrowed as if reading his mind while one hand is extended to him, offering a shower cap. Eddie just look away and put it on.
"Where's Ri-R-Richie?" Bill asked.
Beverly's head popped up between Stan and Bill's shoulders. "Yeah! Where's him? I don't think he'd ever miss a Losers' afternoon together."
Eddie sighed. "He left."
"Why?" Ben questioned as he was approaching them with an old radio in hand. "He promised we'll all listen to the new tape his dad bought him."
All of them eyed him again, awaiting his reply. What they do not know is he couldn't answer. What happened earlier is a huge embarrassment and he might just cry while telling them.
What should he tell them? I fucked up. He left because I'm in love with him. A big NO! The idea of them pitying him while he's sobbing messily over a broken heart made by his own best friend is unappealing.
"H-He just left..." Is the only thing that left his mouth again. "Don't ask me any more question, I don't know where that idiot went."
Eddie rolled over the hammock and faced his back to his friends, not wanting them to see his eyes becoming teary.
The rest of the Losers looked into each other. They could tell that Eddie didn't get his red and swollen eyes from sleeping. It's also obvious that he doesn't want to talk about Richie.
They all nodded in understanding. Maybe the two had a huge fight which didn't happen for quite a long time. They would bicker a lot but Richie and Eddie for years has never squabbled as far as either of the two will cry.
As their friendship is the longest, Bill and Stan could remember the last time the two fought where crying is included was 5 years ago, during 5th grade.
Mike pointed the door to their club house and they all followed his lead, stepping out of their hideout to discuss what should they do with this problem.
"Do you think we should help them or let them figure this out by themselves?" Mike's the first one to ask, afraid that Eddie will hear him even when the boy's inside.
"We will only help if this goes on for too long." Stan suggested.
He knows Richie and Eddie all too well, on their younger years when Eddie was still not immune with Richie's annoying nature and when Richie was way worse than he is today, those two would fight until both of them are crying their eyes out, shouting and criticizing each other but the beef will be over after a day. Richie would often climb to Eddie's window to sort things out. This might be like one of those childish fight that doesn't need the whole club's participation.
"St-Stan is right." Bill seconded with a tap on his shoulder and Stan almost smile feeling wonderful as Bill agreed with him. "They couldn't st-s-stay mad with each other f-for too long."
Beverly raised his hand. "But what if they did? For like 3 days?" Since joining the losers this is the first time he saw Eddie cry involving Richie.
"Then that's the time to do the digging." Stan smirked. "That would be a first if they have though."
"So, we will let them be then?" It's Ben's turn to ask.
Bill nodded. "F-For now."
Eddie sighed when he's finally in front of their house. When his friends came to their hideout, he just stayed for a few minutes before leaving. He doesn't want to hang out today, he felt sick and hurt. They all stopped him but he insisted on heading home.
"I'm home, mommy." Eddie called after closing the door behind but no one answered. He went to the living room to see his mom snoring in front of the television. He just kissed her temple and went upstairs in his room.
One thing he learned today? A broken heart can make anyone lazy. Even a hypochondriac like him. Without changing clothes, removing socks and cleaning himself, he just ran to the comfort of his bed and shoved his face to his favorite pillow, tears automatically streaming down as he did so.
It all came back to him again. How Richie reacted when he said those stupid words.
How would they act towards each other after this? Could they still be friends?
That night, Eddie Kaspbrak spent all his night crying, trying to be as quiet as possible for his mother not to hear.
Days came swiftly by but Richie hadn't spoken a word to him. Like on Saturday, the losers are in the clubhouse when Eddie showed up two hours later. Richie was there but the boy acted like he was invisible and no longer an hour after he arrived, Richie took his leave saying that his father told him to go home before 5.
Then on Sunday, Eddie waited for Richie outside the movie theater. Before the whole mess started, him and trashmouth had an agreement that they'd catch a film this Sunday. Although it's clearly impossible, Eddie took his chances and still went there, with a little hope that his friend would show up... but an hour later, there's no sign of Richie Tozier.
He just decided that it's better to go home, the movie is ending anyway. On the way, he passed by Penny's Ice Cream Parlor and bought a cone. When he was about to leave, he crossed paths with Richie who was about to enter the said shop. For a few moments, they stared at each other, speechless but after a girl excusing herself to pass by the door interrupted them, both boys had awakened in their trance, Richie being the first one to glance away. He passed by the smaller boy without further ado. Eddie could only follow him with his eyes.
Still, Richie Tozier doesn't want to talk.
I just lost a friend... he thought.
Then Monday came and things just got harder. He shares the same English class with all the losers while him, Bill and Richie shares a Math class. All in all, it's two shitty hours with Richie talking non-stop to their friends but never looking at him. Then they all have lunch together and it's another hour with Richie Tozier who doesn't care if he exists or not.
The rest of the losers kept giving each other weird looks whenever Richie and Eddie aren't paying attention. When they went to the cafeteria, they all took seats and left two seats for Richie and Eddie that are opposite to each other. But even with them sitting face to face, no words are exchanged between them, a clear indication that they're still in bad terms.
That's when they knew, it's time to butt in.