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Bren was a quiet kid. He was studious, always had his head in a book, not really a people person. Even as a young boy he preferred the company of his books than the company of other people. He read anything and everything. One day he picked up a book on soulmates. He read the entire thing, cover to cover, he now knew what all the bonds were and more importantly what the name on his wrist was. It was an odd name, "Mollymauk", surely they couldn't be hard to find, with a name like that it would be easy.
"Hey soulmate," he thought, "I can't wait to meet you and you can meet my parents! It'll be so much fun!"
Bren was a quiet kid. It got worse when he joined the academy. He withdrew, more and more into his books. A fantasy world where he didn't have to be him. He was glad Mollymauk was a gender neutral name. He could pretend to Trent a little bit longer. He withdrew. He was wrong and disgusting for these feelings. He was being trained to be stronger, more disciplined, better. He was sick in the head and if Trent knew it would go badly. He'd be kicked out of the academy for good. The scars which traversed his arms told him that. They hurt. Underneath his skin was throbbing but it was fine. He was serving the empire. He was stronger. He was stronger than all the traitors.
"Hey soulmate," he thought, "I hope you're at the academy, we'll practice together someday, maybe get a little house in Rexxentrum,"
"Hey soulmate" he thought, as he watched the flames engulf his childhood home, "I don't think you're really out there, and if so you deserve better than me." He sunk to the floor, desolate and alone, he couldn't hear anyone. The smell of burning flesh all around him.
He was in the asylum for so long he forgot who he was. He crumbled. All he could see was the flames. His house was on fire. It was burning and oh god his hands were alight. His hands were on fire and there was nothing he could do. He pulled them back and extinguished them but it was too late. The fire was set. They were burning. His parents were burning. They were on fire and he could smell burning flesh and burning hair. But they deserved it, didn't they? They did something, he couldn't remember, it was like his brain was restricted, restrained. Then one day it all changed. The fog cleared, and he was horrified by what he'd done. He got out. A stolen amulet in hand. They'd never find him, never again. "Hey soulmate, I'm sorry for what you've got, I hope you'll never find me."
-
There was soil, grave dirt in his mouth, he was choking on earth, he was dying. He clawed his way up, coughing and splattering, a mess of mud and tears and purple skin. Who was he, where was he, what was happening? His feelings overwhelmed him as he spat soil onto the ground. He felt like death, he felt empty. He didn't know anything he just didn't feel right. Why was he in the ground? There was something strange inscribed in his wrist but he didn't know what it was, maybe a scar, probably a scar. He had plenty of those. The sky was dark above him and orange and red trees swayed above him. He tried to speak but only managed to croak out "empty" because that's all he felt.
The circus took him in, he couldn't feel, he was empty, he didn't have a name, a personality, nothing. Gustav helped him. Yasha helped him. He had a name now: Mollymauk Tealeaf. It was good. It got him. He liked bright colours, garish patterns, flamboyant outfits and jewellery. They taught him to speak, to read and he got pretty good at it, well the speaking part anyway, his reading was still a little sketchy but he tried, he could do the basics he just wasn't very good at focusing. He could read the name on his wrist now. He hadn't encountered it before so maybe it was rare, "Bren", maybe it was his name?
He'd been at the circus for a year now. He knew who he was now. He was strong and charismatic and flamboyant, he was interesting and funny and persuasive. He was a fantastic liar. He could pretend to be royalty from a far off land and everyone would believe him. He was Mollymauk Tealeaf and that was it. He'd been called other names, Lucien and Nonagon but they didn't matter. He was pretty sure he didn't want to know who he was before, he was pretty sure that he was not a great person which granted he wasn't now but he tried to leave everywhere he went a little bit better than when he got there. He had also figured out that Bren wasn't his name, but his soulmates. Was his soulmate even his? Maybe it was the last guy's, he wasn't sure about how he felt about that but he was sure he'd never meet them so it didn't really matter.
-
Bren was in a prison cell. The cold, slightly damp stone floor beneath him and a breeze wafting in through the small window to the outside. It was more than he deserved. He was a bundle of rags and bones on the floor, a scruffy coat full of bits and bobs and strange things in the pockets, a skinny pale man with freckles spattered over his face and scraggly ginger hair not quite framing his face. Bren was quiet and withdrawn, he couldn't remember a time he hadn't been. There was a noise, a scuffle he thought, a cell door being opened and closed, a shrill yell and a key being stuffed into a pocket, footsteps walking away. He didn't look up, maybe they were here to kill him, he hoped so.
"I DIDN'T DO IT DIPSHITS!" The voice yelled, high pitched and scratchy, too close to be in any other cells, maybe his new cellmate would kill him. That would be good. He peeked out of the folds of his coat, barely moving, and took a look at the figure. She was short. Her ears were big and her arms were tightly crossed, a goblin for sure, her yellow cats eyes were sort of pretty but it didn't matter, she was angry but didn't look like she would kill him, in fact she hadn't even noticed him yet. She spun around and jumped in surprise as he fidgeted slightly.
"What the fuck! Is that a person?"
"Ja," he said, barely making a noise, "Ja I suppose I am,"
"Are you… okay?" She asked hesitantly, "I don't bite I promise!"
"Nein, I am not, not okay but it is no more than I deserve," he pushed himself up shakily, looking at the little goblin in front of him,
"You're not scared of me?" She asked, her voice a little smaller than it had been previously,
"Was? Nein, why would I be scared of you?"
"People usually are… I'm Nott by the way,"
"Not what?"
"No that's my name, Nott! N, o, double t," she spelt it out,
"Ah I see, nice to meet you, I'm Caleb," It'd do for now, it was quite a nice name he thought, maybe he'd use it again after he moved on next. If he wasn't dead.
He didn't die. They got out. He didn't want to let Nott rot in prison, she didn't deserve it. She was kind to a stranger undeserving of kindness, he had to repay her somehow. He was going to ditch her, run away, move on again, find another name, another way to survive in a world he didn't really want to survive in. He just couldn't. She was always getting into trouble. It didn't help that she was a goblin, no one trusted her and he did his best to help her. Maybe he could stick with her just for a little while. It didn't have to be long. He could get away with it for now. Just until he was strong enough to do one of two things. Kill Trent Ikithon or… something he had thought about a lot if he couldn't achieve that goal.
Caleb had ended up in an inn with Nott, they'd started talking to some others at breakfast. A peppy blue tiefling, a grumpy human woman and a charismatic half orc. They seemed nice enough, but he was still wary. Their names were Jester, Beau and Fjord. He kept to himself mostly, his bandages wrapped tightly around his wrists. A tall tiefling entered the inn, a huge flowing coat flying behind him and a mischievous smile on his face. He was a striking violet and he leant over to their table, starting to speak,
"Well. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a group of people more in need of a good time in my entire life." He chuckled "Mollymauk Tealeaf of the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. If there was ever a group of people that needed a good time to go out, have a laugh, see things that you have never seen before, and my god, take my word for it, one month’s time, people will be buying your ale to hear the tale of what you saw at the Traveling Carnival of Curiosities this night." He laughed, holding out a few flyers.
Caleb went cold. Mollymauk. The name that was on his wrist, concealed beneath the bandages. Mollymauk. This was him. Oh god. This absolutely stunning man was stuck with him. Him as his soulmate. He couldn't say anything, not yet. He zoned out, a little cold, a little clammy, completely frozen up as this man, this beautiful man gave Jester a card reading.
"So are you coming?" He addressed them all but looked Caleb straight in the eyes,
"Sure," he looked at Nott, "We'll come along,"
"Excellent! We'll see you there!" As he walked away Caleb noticed a woman with him, strong and tall, had she been there the whole time?
That night at the circus went wrong but those with a little fighting skill banded together. They fought, they got arrested, they killed some stuff, they got arrested again and after all that they decided, fuck it, might as well stick together now. They were a group, Caleb, Nott, Beauregard, Jester, Fjord, Yasha and the beautiful bastard that was his soulmate, Mollymauk Tealeaf.
Weeks went by. Adventure after adventure. Things kept going wrong but they were fine. Caleb ignored the glaring soulmate issue but Molly hadn't noticed so what did it matter. Maybe they weren't soulmates after all.
The smell of ale filled the air, a party atmosphere, people having a bit of fun and the Mighty Nein were drinking and joking in the corner booth when soulmates came up. Caleb hoped to god that they didn't ask him. They couldn't. He wouldn't answer.
Molly laughed when he was asked, "Me? I've got a name on my wrist, never recognised it though," he pulled his sleeve up, revealing it, "No one knows a Bren do they?"
Oh god.
No.
No this was a nightmare.
He couldn't.
No.
He packed up his things and snuck quietly back to his room.
Lavender perfume filled the air. They were in a bathhouse, a fancy one at that, all shiny and it smelled fantastic. The Mighty Nein shared a bath, Caleb left his bandages on as always, but they weren't very tight. The water rippled around them and they rubbed soap in their hair, trying to get blood from under fingernails. He was careless. One of the bandages unwound just slightly, then it fell, he didn't even notice until he heard a gasp.
"Caleb?" Molly asked.
"Was?" He asked, confused, until he noticed the man staring at his now bare arm, his own name spelt out on it, "Oh."
"Caleb wait-"
"I think I need to go." He'd hidden it for so long and oh god how this man tugged at his heart. He was stunning and smart and funny and interesting and that smirk he gave when he was playing a trick, and the way he flicked his tail. He was smitten and he'd hidden it so well. Until now. He was so stupid.
That night he stayed in his room, a book in his hands and heaviness in his heart. He hadn't felt this way in so long but the dark thoughts were back. He would have to leave his group of friends. The only ones he'd had in years, and Nott, he couldn't take her away. There was a knock at the door,
"Come in Nott," he responded, much to his surprise it was not Nott who entered his room, it was Mollymauk, a pitying expression on his face,
"Hey Caleb, I'm sorry I saw that earlier but why didn't you tell me?"
"It is nothing Mollymauk,"
"But it isn't, I'm your soulmate, right?" He asked, "So why aren't you mine?"
Caleb didn't understand, "I understand that you do not want me Mollymauk but that is not how it works." He said shortly but not sadly or even angrily, there was no emotion behind it at all.
"That's not it!" He said, far too loudly, "You're cute and so smart and funny if you try to be! I love your freckles and your eyes and the way you get so completely absorbed in a book! I love all if that, you're fantastic! It's just-" he faltered, "I don't have your name on my wrist, is that even possible?" He gestured at his own mark.
"Oh." Caleb said, hushed, "I think I owe you an explanation."
He didn't want to do this.
He didn't want any of this.
But Molly deserved it.
"My full name is Bren Aldric Ermendrud and I have done a lot of awful, horrible things," his eyes welled up with tears and he carried on, "I went to the Soltryce academy, I trained under Ikithon, he was cruel and petty but that isn't important, he messed with our heads, me and the other two students, he messed it up and made us believe our parents were traitors, and we killed them, just like we killed the others." His eyes were burning, he was pathetic, crying in front of Molly, what was wrong with him. "I burned them Molly. So I left. I changed my name. I ran away."
"Shit man, I'm so sorry" Molly gasped sympathetically, "Can I say something?"
"Sure,"
"I'm glad my name is on your wrist."
"Was? Why?" Molly deserved better than him.
"I kinda came back to life. Like I died. I've only been alive two years so I honestly didn't think I had a soulmate, because I wasn't a person but apparently here we are and I'm sorry if this is insensitive," his words tumbled out of his mouth, "But now that I know that I'm allowed to feel like this about you I really want to kiss you."
"I never took you as one for rules Mister Mollymauk."
"I never was unless they came from you." He laughed and then pulled Caleb into a kiss.