Archive of Our Own

hell is a place on earth.

it’s subjective, isn’t it? it’s what one makes of their surroundings. what they carry with them. how they handle what happens around them.

jeno’s seen hell. he’s seen demons, and ghouls, and beasts—the things of nightmares walking the streets. he can’t escape them. he can’t forget them.

he’s one of them.

it’s nothing short of sheer agony—there’s a searing fire that rips through his flesh, chews it up, and spits it back anew. it’s the nauseating creak and snap of his bones as they shatter into a thousand pieces, and form the beast that claws to escape from within. a full moon hung radiant in the sky. his blood-curdling screams fall on deaf ears; no one can hear him out here, in the dead of night.

jeno wishes the scratch killed him. he wishes that his body gave in to the blood loss and shock that left him curled into an unrecognizable heap in the dirt, in a puddle of his own fluids and torn flesh, grasping at roots along the forest floor for purchase.

he should’ve given up—stopped fighting it. chased the moonlight.

the current that pulses through him is too strong to overcome, and he’s healing faster than he can let go.

jeno wants to die, but something is stopping him.

he sees red. cars on the freeway screech and claw at his brain. a feral animal growls, stalking its prey. ready to pounce.

stark white fur, matted and covered in blood. the murmur of voices in his head.

he roars in anguish, but in the whistling wind through the trees, only a howl can be heard.

jeno wakes up dazed. something beneath him scratches his skin, and crisp, persistent autumn wind tickles the hair at his nape.

it smells like the forest; leaves, dirt, and coals that cool themselves in the light of day from a nearby fire.

he expects all of this when he finally opens his eyes. he’s still shocked to find it’s true.

how the hell did he end up out here?

he groans, positioning his arms beneath him to push himself up off the ground.

when he tries to dust off his pants, however, he immediately notices their absence.

“what the fuck?”

he’s out in the middle of the forest, with god as his only witness.

stark naked.

of course, a quick scan of his surroundings does nothing to aid him in understanding just how he ended up here. no phone, no clothes. none of his personal belongings.

had he been drinking last night?

a quick once-over of his body shows nothing out of the ordinary, other than the burning shame of being naked in what looks to be the middle of nowhere.

is he even in seoul anymore?

it’s hard to tell. all he has to go on is the slow rise of dawn from the east, and nearby passing cars.

the goal is to trail along the highway at a safe distance so he isn’t in danger of any passerby seeing him in his vulnerable state and find his way back to civilization. the likelihood of him making it to any of his classes for the day dwindles with every passing second he stays lost, so he figures his priorities are in order.

one last scan around the area confirms how absolutely fucked he is—out here in the wilderness on his own when he’s never in his life so much as set up a single tent—and then he’s off.

from where he stands, thankfully, the highway doesn't sound far off. so treading carefully between the trees, he pauses to listen every few feet and reorient himself.

in itself, that proves to be quite the feat. jeno can hear even the faintest noises amplified through the forest: the trickling of a nearby river, the termites in the trees—the deafening horn of a truck ricochets through his skull—there’s an animal scurrying through the brush, and birds are screeching.

jeno’s head pounds. it feels like his brain is swelling beyond the capacity of his skull, and the hazy feeling only worsens.

his vision is blurry.

he continues to stumble through the forest in hopes of finding anything recognizable, even with his head spinning and his breath laboured as he breaks into a cold sweat, and—

“shit!”

one wrong step landed his foot in something sharp enough to pierce the skin, and his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach as he struggles to break his fall. the pain is searing—it feels like something is embedded deep into his skin. bile rises in his throat even just imagining how mangled and torn up his skin must look. he’s terrified to investigate.

jeno has never been good with blood.

still, he can’t just leave it in there, so gnawing at his lip with intent, jeno takes hold of his foot and brings it to his lap.

it’s covered in blood.

blood, horrifyingly enough, that isn’t entirely his own.

bone juts out of the flesh of his heel in twisted fragments; not ones from his own body. they look to have previously belonged to a small creature that met its untimely demise.

jeno swallows down the bile in his throat as he grabs hold of the first bone. he’s positive it’s pressed up against a nerve, because he feels every millimeter as he pulls it out up through his calf, slow but firm, so as to not leave further fragments embedded. it’s torture, but it’s necessary.

he’ll have to see a doctor about this later when he finally does reach the city, but for now, he has bigger problems.

he frees three more from his skin with varying degrees of ease and, finally, jeno lifts his foot as far as his flexibility allows to examine the wounds. noise still floods his ears, and tears sting at his eyes; he blinks them away as quick as he can.

once his eyes regain focus, he can hardly believe what he sees—each puncture wound, slowly but surely, begins to close up and stitch itself back together until all that remains are droplets of blood where open skin used to be.

jeno runs a cautious finger over his skin, prods and pulls at it. no pain. no evidence of injury.

he’s losing his mind.

when he looks up, whips his head around to take note of his surroundings again, nothing’s changed.

the september wind is still electric on his skin, and it smells sharp. clean. musty.

like a fresh kill.

with some apprehension, jeno scans toward where he scents the culprit—it doesn’t take long to find what remains of a white hare, flesh chewed up and organs spilled out.

jeno’s vision flashes. the noises start again.

the snarl of a predator. moonlight—murmurs and whispers that are too far out of reach to comprehend. flashes of light, and an animal’s feet pounding the dirt as it chases. hunts. kills.

it feels like jeno’s coming up for air after nearly drowning; his brain feels waterlogged, but his nerves are on fire. adrenaline courses through him.

he gets back up on his feet, and quickly sets pace back in the direction he’d been travelling.

he just wants to get home.

how jeno finally reaches somewhere he recognizes is beyond him. well, at least, vaguely recognizes, since he’s sure he’s only passed by this gas station a few times on his way out of the city.

he thanks his lucky stars that someone seems to have accidentally emptied their wallet near one of the pumps, and he can gather up enough coins; the phone booth near the back of the building is still fairly out in the open, but at least he’s managed to avoid any strangers along his path so far.

as he rolls the change in his hand back in forth, jeno closes his eyes. he draws a deep breath, holds it in, and slowly lets it out through his nose.

concentrate.

if there's one thing he's always been good at, at the very least, it's remembering phone numbers. it’s sort of a ritual—he makes a song of them in his head, and repeats them until they stick. it's saved his ass more times than he can count, and it's the only solid thing jeno can hold onto right now.

he slides coins into the slot one by one and dials; if anyone would know what to do, it’d be his roommate. normally he'd avoid bringing renjun into something like this, but standing naked behind a gas station, jeno's options are pretty limited.

the dial tone is too loud in jeno's ears. he twists the phone cord between his fingers to ease his nerves. he isn't cold, per se, but the vulnerability has him shivering where he stands.

"come on, pick up. please."

desperate fingers press down on the receiver when he catches renjun's voicemail. there's no time for messages when he knows renjun won't check them until tomorrow, anyway.

he needs him now.

his coin supply is limited, but he inserts a couple more into the phone. cars pass by on the highway; jeno prays to literally any higher power who may be listening that one of them doesn't decide to pull into this particular station.

the dial tone is haunting. he can't think of a single other person he could stand to see him in his current state. he'll never live this down as it is. it'll follow him on birthdays, and at parties, and with every passing new year's celebration when the two reflect on memories.

just before the last ring, by some miracle, renjun picks up.

"hello?"

"oh, thank god. where are you right now? are you at the dorm?"

"...jeno?"

"yeah, it's me. i, uh, listen. i'm kind of in... a situation."

"are you calling me from a payphone?"

jeno rubs the tension from his forehead. it's likely he just woke renjun up, like, an hour before his alarm went off. he supposes he can't really blame him for being a little delirious.

"yeah, it's kind of been a wild morning. listen, can you bring me a change of clothes? like, with shoes and socks and everything. i'm kind of stranded right now."

"where even are you? what happened to the ones you're wearing?"

"listen, i don't really have time to explain—do you know the gas station on the way out to incheon? like, on the highway, with that place that sells that coffee you like?"

"how'd you end up out there?"

"renjun. can you come, or not?"

at least, to his credit, it seems like renjun is in a helpful mood if the shuffling on the other end of the line means anything.

"yeah, yeah, i'm coming. you've really gotta start inviting me to these parties, though. you really got fucked up enough to lose your phone on a weeknight?"

in full honesty, jeno can barely piece together what's gone on between waking up and ending here, let alone the gaping hole in his memory between whatever happened after his third lecture and now.

"something like that."

jeno counts his blessings when, not twenty minutes later, a car pulls into the station. of course, it scares the shit out of him at first, when he assumes the worst and immediately looks for somewhere to hide, but the voice that calls his name is of ample comfort.

"jeno? you're still here, right?"

it's not like renjun’s never seen him naked, because roommates walk into some unfortunate scenes when they don't announce their presence, but this is kind of... different.

"i'm over here!"

he decides it's safest to hide himself in the brush behind the building, out of view from potential onlookers. the sun is starting to steadily rise; he certainly doesn't want the cops called on him for public indecency.

"over where?"

"the, uh, bushes. listen, can you toss me my clothes?"

"lee jeno, are you naked right now?"

jeno sighs. he supposes it’s obvious by now.

“...don't worry about it."

feet shuffle closer to him, and a pile of clothing is tossed haphazardly to his left. the knocking of his shoes together is a little much for jeno's ears, but he takes it in stride.

quickly, he slides on the garments and laces his shoes. it seems renjun was conscious enough of the weather to include a hoodie, though now that he's in it, jeno feels uncomfortably warm.

he probably needs it, if he's running a fever, so he endures. in his life, jeno's never been more grateful to be dressed. it feels like a security blanket for the weirdly specific brand of hell he's been thrown into, and he needs all the comfort he can get.

it doesn't make confronting renjun any easier, though.

"care to explain why i just had to haul ass out of bed at quarter of seven in the morning to save you?"

jeno can't think straight enough to spin a story that makes sense.

the truth doesn't even make sense.

"or why you're ass naked at quarter to seven, out here in the middle of nowhere? without a phone or even shoes?"

"woke up in the forest."

bewilderment is loud on renjun's features.

"in the forest?"

jeno pulls his hood up to shield himself—at least, emotionally—from the barrage of questions that are coming. he's never been much of a partier, and he always goes to bed early. finishes his assignments on time. exists quietly and respectfully.

this is extremely out of the norm.

"i know about as much as you do, okay? i woke up in the forest and my clothes were gone. i barely remember what my last lecture was about."

"shouldn't you, like, call the cops or something? did you get roofied? are you, like... good?"

at the very least, jeno’s confident that his only ache is the pounding of his head—he feels pretty medically sound all around, save for the delusions he's been suffering since he woke up. the visions. the voices.

of course, he can't tell renjun any of that.

he nods, breaking eye contact. jeno feels a little too exposed already for this awkward conversation.

"yeah, i'm uh, fine. i think? kinda just feel hungover."

renjun at least accepts this as an answer, and nods in the direction of his car. jeno is more than happy to follow; at this point, he just wants to get home and take a shower. he's had more than his fair share of outside time today.

"come on, let's get you home, then. we can stop for breakfast on the way, hm? i'll buy."

by the time he's showered, fed, and in his own bed, jeno's thoughts are racing again. the world around him is too vivid—the scratch of jeno's clothes against his skin is overwhelming. so is the incessant car alarm directly outside of his window, the rustling of his hair every time he moves his head, and the pulse in his ears.

he feels nauseous—his headache hasn't eased, even though he's taken the highest dose of painkillers he can get away with.

at the very least, he's lucky he has no phone so he's not wasting hours on end looking up webmd results. renjun promised he'd be back after his lectures today to help jeno search for his lost belongings and hopefully help him regain some kind of structure, anyway, so he only has to figure out how to get through these next few hours.

above all other things, it's still hot; he feels like his skin is due to start melting off of his body any minute now, for how profusely he's sweating. he swears his brain is being cooked—it'd explain the visions that catch him by surprise.

their triggers are strange. when he tries to think back on them, he's met with the same fogginess that clouds the events of his entire past twenty-four hours.

when it all becomes too much, jeno rids himself of his hoodie; it's too far into the season to turn on the air conditioner, and renjun's always cold, so there's little he can do but turn his fan on max, and sit in front of it.

the blades put him in a trance—if he lets his eyes relax a little, they spin forward and backward. it shakes, unsteady on its legs as if it's unable to handle its own power.

jeno's hyperventilating.

he runs over to sit in front of his full length mirror. he kneads the skin of his cheeks, then lifts his eyelids to get a better look at his eyes. his pupils aren't dilated, which makes it all the more confusing. if he's not high on something, what the fuck is happening?

he continues to poke and prod at his skin in search of some sort of answer. he finds none. there's a high pitched ringing in his ears. his heart races. there's not a single scratch on him.

a boy sits in front of him, looking terrified for his life. he's barely recognizable in this state—drenched in sweat, eyes clouded over.

he closes his eyes, rubs at them. this isn't happening. it's the fever. he'll wake up fine tomorrow, and it'll be as foggy as anything else he’s experienced in the past day.

as he concentrates on deep breaths and reining in his consciousness, however, he hears them again.

the whispers.

his jaw aches from clenching his teeth.

there's little he can do but pull at his hair and groan as they persist.

jeno wishes he’d lived a little before making his steep decline into madness.

it's not much better when renjun opens his find my friends app and they track down jeno's phone. it’s silent in the car—renjun doesn’t even have the radio on like he normally does, so jeno is hyper-aware of every small movement he makes. words linger in the air unspoken, but jeno is glad that for once, renjun keeps them to himself.

the tracker doesn't lead them too far off campus, but it's enough of a distance that worry knots in the pit of jeno's stomach.

they're on foot now. renjun struggles a little to orient the compass on his phone. the navigation kind of has them walking in circles, sending them in a different direction every few feet, but eventually they settle on following it to a strip of woods down a little ways from the path.

the feeling eats away at jeno's stomach tissue. he's gritting his teeth again.

"what's with you and forests lately?"

jeno wishes he had an answer.

the closer they get, the louder the whispers are. they're still an incomprehensible jumble, but ignoring them is proving to be quite the feat.

it turns into more of a game of hide-and-seek now that renjun's phone leads them mere feet from where they stand.

the light is past its prime in the sky above—what few leaves remain on the trees above cast the ground in shadows. in other circumstances, a walk in the forest would prove quite peaceful. serene. calming.

this time around, as it finally hits him, jeno finds it's anything but.

a bit of wind picks up, and he smells blood.

his feet carry him to the source before his mind catches up. the sight ahead of him freezes every nerve in his body.

"dude, what the fuck?"

jeno is a little too stunned to do much more than stare at what lies before him.

his backpack is torn to shreds, and a stray shoe remains. frayed strips of fabric. his phone screen is cracked, and it's stained with the red that coats the ground below.

everything is covered in the now flaky burgundy substance, and the smell is overwhelming.

screams of anguish. his legs have given out. he's resorted to clawing at the dirt as a means of escape. flashes of red. a beast that stares him down before it runs. snarls, and gnashing teeth. claws that tear into him, and skin that rips and squelches. silver fur. amber eyes.

when jeno comes to, he's clutching renjun for dear life. he can't catch his breath, and his head pounds and his hands are clammy, but renjun is solid. his pulse is steady. his energy is grounding.

"jeno, are you okay?"

he's not sure he has an answer. his vision blurs at the edges.

"...jeno?"

finally, jeno meets his gaze.

"did something happen to you last night?"

more questions jeno can't answer.

"i don't... i don't know." his voice barely comes out, but he's close enough to renjun to be heard. tears freeze on his cheeks as the wind persists.

there’s nothing but his own scent all over his belongings—so much blood that the sharp iron stings his nose, but other than that, he only picks up renjun’s. he’s almost positive no one else has been here.

the realization catches him off guard. since when can he smell that kind of thing?

"should we report this?"

jeno shakes his head. there's no crime to report.

"i don't feel good about this, jeno. we should tell someone."

if anything in jeno's visions is to be trusted, there isn't even a human culprit. he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"i just—i wanna collect my stuff and go home. i don't wanna get involved."

"jeno, this is a crime scene. you can't just be leaving your fingerprints and dna all over everything, have you seen an episode of csi?"

renjun's words are background noise as jeno treads carefully along the forest floor toward his belongings. he pockets his phone, gathers the stray belongings scattered around the scene, and shoves them in his backpack.

somewhere behind him, renjun's panicked rambling rises steadily in pitch.

jeno's tired. it feels like he hasn't slept in ten years. he doesn't really have time to worry about a nonexistent serial killer.

"look, injunnie, can we just go home? today's already been a lot."

he probably deserves the look he receives.

the moon still hangs bright in the sky. it glows. it pulls jeno in, as if gravity has shifted, and his world orbits around it instead of the sun now.

the whispers are louder.

he's started to pick out words.

'who do you think it is?'

more jumbled murmurs. jeno's head spins.

'do you understand the consequences of what you've done?'

they aren’t his voices. he's unsure if he's ever heard them before, but the last one strikes fear into him. it's one of someone in command. the other voices quiet down when this particular one speaks.

'he didn't mean it, you have to understand. it was his first time out. i thought i could handle him.'

the voices only give jeno more questions. the more he focuses on the moon, the clearer they become.

'if he's still alive, he's your responsibility. track him down and bring him to me—that's an order.'

an uneasy feeling sits heavy on his chest, but he figures maybe if he ignores it, it’ll go away. he draws his blinds and settles back into his bed. he'll need to get his phone fixed soon, if he has any hope of reading his screen.

siri still works well enough that he can set an alarm; one day of skipped classes is already more than he can handle this close to midterms.

the voices can wait.

unsurprisingly, jeno's day passes in another blur. students shuffle by in the hallways. his note-taking is barely anything above copying the words from the slides in his lectures, but he at least makes an effort.

he's wasted an entire day's worth of learning, and he still has another three projects to finish in the next few days. at least he’d studied ahead.

he's been nursing a cup of coffee the size of his head all morning in hopes of retaining some semblance of focus and alertness—though it isn't necessarily out of character considering the academic season. many of his peers sport the same bleary-eyed exhausted look.

he spends time between his lectures in the library with his newly-found headphones on, and tries to focus some of his attention toward researching for his paper.

a saving grace, at least, is that his laptop survived the attack unscathed. his student loan debts are already crippling—he can hardly imagine the kind of financial agony a broken laptop would land him in.

the more he types away at his assignment, the more jeno begins to regret the amount of caffeine he's consumed; his fingers jitter and his heart races.

who were the voices talking about?

who are the voices?

it's a little hard to believe that a night of lost memories is enough to account for his current mental state. two days ago, he was just a stressed university student trying to keep up with his assignments.

no voices in his head, except for the one that nagged him to make healthier choices and stay caught up in his classes, to wash the dishes after he made food.

in fact, the more information jeno uncovers, the less he feels like he knows. the scene he's pieced together is one of absolute nonsense.

if the visions were to be trusted, he shouldn't have made it out alive. he'd been mauled and left for dead. his belongings were coated in his own blood, yet he's inspected every inch of his body that his eyes can reach, and there's no evidence anything has happened at all.

he woke up in a forest with no clothes on, miles from where he started off.

everything leads him to thick-furred, bloodthirsty beasts. he heals quickly. he hears voices.

it just doesn't make sense.

it isn't something jeno can open up to anyone about, in fear of what any logical, sane person would assume.

though the evidence was right there in front of his and renjun's eyes, it's still too fantastical and far fetched to be true.

rather than feeding the idiotic urge to google his symptoms further, jeno's fingers itch until he types out some of his thoughts into his search bar.

pictures of feral bears, cougars, and dogs come up in images.

animal attacks.

he narrows his search.

the content that comes up is nothing short of laughable; it's all fairy-tales and those urban legends renjun always talks his ear off about.

werewolves.

in fact, jeno does laugh, enough that the other patrons of the library truly have something to stare at him for before he reigns himself in. he clears his throat and bows awkwardly in apology.

werewolves? in the middle of seoul?

hell, he isn't sure they'd be any more believable in a rural space; the entire premise is nothing short of ridiculous. absolutely unbelievable.

he needs to go to class.

in a few weeks' time things go back to normal, for the most part. jeno crams for his midterms, writes them, and feels confident in his answers.

he breaks for chuseok and spends time with his family. he's been sleeping better as long as he ignores the voices. in fact, he rarely hears them when he's sleeping in his own childhood bed. his appetite returns. his body seems to have stopped thinking it's the end of the world.

in fact, jeno has, too.

the strange events he's experienced almost feel far away when he thinks about them.

idiotically, he humours the thought that things might go back to normal.

as it turns out, that isn’t the case.

when he finally arrives back on campus, jeno can't shake the feeling that he's being watched. it follows him everywhere he goes—crawls on his skin like a colony of ants, creeping up his neck, in through his hair, and into his ears.

he can never place where the sensation comes from. no matter where he is, no one seems to pay attention.

yet, the creeping feeling persists. it hangs over him like a cloud, and he can't escape. it's become impossible to concentrate on anything worthwhile, and he finds it's harder and harder to distract himself as time passes.

he pulls his hood up to shield himself from prying eyes and turns the brightness down on his screen. he even plays a few rounds of pubg in an attempt to get his mind off it, still to little avail.

it sets all of jeno's senses alight in the worst way—by the time he's on the way home, he's almost positive that someone is tailing him. following his every move. eyeing him closely.

in fact, they hide it poorly. he hears multiple sets of footsteps that follow him down a path he doesn't normally take. they whisper to each other. it's painfully obvious how subtle they're trying to be. well, trying and failing to be, anyway.

once he's absolutely positive, jeno turns around to catch the culprits—for every bit as confused as jeno appears, they double it in panic.

he kind of expected some professional p.i., or something, with sunglasses and a trench coat. someone who looked like they knew what they were doing.

he didn't think he'd be met with the embarrassed faces of two teenage boys. this is certainly a new wrinkle in the haphazard quilt that his life has become.

"can i help you?"

at least jeno's no longer afraid. he goes to the gym a couple times a week; he's fairly certain he could take both of them out in under a minute flat if the situation called for it.

they shoot each other a series of panicked looks; jeno thinks he'd find it a little more impressive that the two carry a conversation with no words spoken if they weren't his stalkers.

it seems the taller boy has convinced the one with lilac hair into pleading their case, since he hides behind him in defeat.

"i just think you have uh, um—really nice shoes? yeah. it seemed like a weird thing to yell to a stranger, but you walk so fast, and god, i just really wanted to find out where you bought them because—"

the silent one elbows the lilac boy in the ribs.

"...okay, fine. it's not about your shoes."

jeno still doesn't have answers. for as entertaining as the pair may be, he'd rather be anywhere but here. he crosses his arms, and waits.

"kind of a silly question, actually! i, uh, just wanted to ask you something? we don't know your name or anything! i guess that's kind of the problem here."

lilac boy takes a break to laugh nervously, shuffling where he stands.

this is weird.

"do you remember what you were doing last month? around, say, the full moon? strange occurrences? maybe, uh, the odd animal attack, or something like that."

jeno crowds the two of them; how could they possibly know that? he barely grasps the situation himself.

"who are you? both of you. how did you find me?"

jeno doesn't quite have a height advantage over the two of them, but he surely has the build and attitude to make up for it.

if the looks of pure panic in their eyes are anything to go on, at the very least, it seems they're sufficiently intimidated.

"funny you'd ask, that's exactly the kind of thing we were getting at! you really wouldn't believe how hard it is trying to scent someone out through an entire university campus. our jisungie kind of has something to, erm, apologize for, now that we've found you."

assuming lilac boy is referring to the quiet taller boy as jisungie, jeno turns to him awaiting response.

finally, the boy in question meets jeno's gaze. of the two, he definitely looks the most shaken about the entire situation unfolding between them.

"i, uh, i'm sorry. for what happened that night, i mean. it was my first night out on the full moon, and god, it was such a blur, and suddenly i wake up covered in your blood, and alpha is mad, because i turned you, and i—"

he clears his throat, and reins it in.

"i'm sorry i attacked you. i wasn't thinking; full moon energy, and everything. i owe you an explanation."

jeno's questions still haven't been answered.

"wait, hold on. back it up for a second. an animal attacked me, not some teenage kid. i think i'd stand a chance up against you—no offense or anything."

lilac boy jumps back in to his defense; jeno's head is spinning.

"that's we were getting at. it was an animal that attacked you. it was jisung."

it's getting a little tiring, spinning in circles. jeno's losing patience.

"look, can you just tell me what the fuck is going on? i swear, i'll call the cops if i have to."

it seems jisung is letting the other boy be his mouthpiece for the evening—he contributes little.

"you don't have to do that! listen, can you just... hear me out for a second? it's not exactly believable, but i'm willing to bet whatever you remember from that night is hard to explain, too."

for as uncomfortable and strange this encounter feels, jeno does still yearn for any answer he can get. he's been suffering alone with the strange side effects since the incident, and as a whole, he's still struggling with his grasp on reality.

"fine. go ahead."

"great! okay, well, i guess there's some context you've been missing out on. you've probably had a hell of a month, huh? weird visions? feeling like you've been dragged through hell? a few members of our pack complain about how awful it is to be scratched and turn. me and jisungie just kind of... woke up like you one day, i guess?"

part of jeno feels like he's been confronted by the men in black about an alien sighting before they wipe his memory; his experiences feel far too surreal to be believable. but for the first time since that night, jeno might have answers, so he feels like he should at least entertain thing one and thing two.

what more can he do?

he nods cautiously.

"i promise we're not a cult or anything—well, i mean, we're all really close, but there's nothing freaky going on, really. we're all just, uh, a bunch of werewolves. y'know, full moon, the fur, and all. actual wolves! there's a lot more of us than you'd think."

“werewolves?”

it’s hard to decide what to believe, but he's in too deep now to brush things off without at least giving them some thought.

"werewolves! not what you expected, right? it's usually a little much for the newbies, but it starts to get a little more believable the more you know about all of it. there's actually a lot of other species that humans think don't exist, but we're definitely the coolest! trust me, you do not want a run-in with a vampire; they're exhausting, and they kinda smell like death."

“so you’re implying that… i’m a werewolf? that’s where this is going, right?”

“almost positive! doesn’t his voice sound familiar, jisungie? he’s the one we heard! you really sounded like you were having a hard time. everyone kinda felt bad that we had to let you go through it alone; usually each of us has, like, a mentor or something. someone who kind of walks us through what to do so we don’t wolf out and maul innocent bystanders.”

with this, the boy throws a pointed look at a jisung who shrinks into himself in guilt.

“we were kind of worried that he killed you, but everyone was so relieved that you lived! the wolf telepathy thing can get kind of annoying while the moon’s up, but i guess it kind of helped us find you? though you were, like, annoyingly hard to track down, to be honest.”

to say that all of this is even just overwhelming would be a gross understatement—jeno just wants to finish his homework and go to bed.

jeno should've ignored them and kept walking when he had the chance. he's tired.

"look, this whole thing seems nice and all, but i don't really have time for this whole werewolf thing—i barely made it through midterms. i didn't sign up for any of this."

"it's not really something you choose. you can't ignore it, either. it's part of you now, whether you accept it or not."

there's conflict in jisung's eyes as he finally speaks up; if what's been said is the truth, he's had his own fair share of burdens.

if anything that's been said is the truth, that is.

"if you ignore it, you'll lose control every full moon. you'll do something dangerous, and either hurt yourself or someone else. you're part of the pack now—you're kind of our responsibility. we can't really let you walk around without having your wolf under control. alpha's orders, and all."

in contrast to his overwhelming excitement and positivity from earlier, there's a sense of concerned urgency in lilac boy's voice now.

"he, uh, kind of sent us to find you so we could bring you to him. he wants to meet you and like, make sure someone helps you figure all of this out. set down some ground rules and stuff. there's not like, a whole bunch of time before the next full moon, so everyone thinks maybe sooner is better than later."

it's at this that jeno finally draws a line.

"if you think i'm going anywhere with either of you, you've got another thing coming."

"see, the thing is, he's kinda impatient. we can't really let you go knowing you're gonna put people in danger."

"yeah, uh, sorry. i've got an early class in the morning, and it's late. i'm gonna jet. i'd say this was nice, but..."

jeno nods curtly, finally turns heel, and stalks off in the direction he'd been going before all of this. his feet are quick on the pavement—he's had more than enough of the twins from the shining for one lifetime.

in fact, if he makes a few shortcuts, he can make it home in under ten minutes. he'll have time to take a shower and maybe have a look at the essay he's been working on before he goes to sleep, and—oh, christ. they're running up to him to match his pace.

"listen, i really don't have time for any of this. please just leave me alone."

"i just think you're making a really dumb decision! we only wanna help, we've both been in your shoes before! well, kind of, but that's beside the point."

jeno refuses to look at either of them as he continues on his path briskly.

"i don't even know either of you. you don't know me. maybe you've got me confused with the wrong guy, or something. i want nothing to do with this."

annoyingly enough, it doesn't take much for either of them to keep up with him; damn their collective heights and long legs.

"but you will know us! i'm chenle, and this is jisung. jisungie's a new wolf, too! you've got more in common than you even know."

putting names to faces doesn't really make jeno any more comfortable; he just wants peace. he's over this entire thing.

"listen, just—just wait. hold up, okay? you just came from class, right? give me a pen and a piece of paper, and then i promise we'll be out of your hair. that's reasonable, right?"

wearily, jeno slows to a stop. this chenle boy is really starting to wear on him.

"can i hold you to that?"

"scout's honour!"

chenle crosses over his heart proudly; jeno stares him down for a moment while they awkwardly smile back at him.

he can at least do this.

he shrugs off his backpack to unzip it and rustles around for a minute before retrieving a ripped sheet of note paper and a pen. cautiously, he extends them to the bright boy.

absolutely delighted, chenle runs over to scribble something down on it, using jisung's back as a flat surface to do so. once he's satisfied, he hands the pen and piece of paper back to jeno.

"i can't really force you to do anything you don't wanna do, but, like, that's my number if you decide you're ready to do something about the uh, wolf stuff."

"and you promise that's it? i'm free now?"

"i mean, i think it'd be a really good idea to meet the pack sooner than later, but... i guess? any time, any day of the week though, i promise; you text, and i'll answer."

there's a little more sincerity in chenle's tone this time, though jeno's fairly wary of what to believe.

"also, yes, that's a promise. you can go back to doing whatever boring uni students do. i'm sorry for like, dumping a bunch of life-changing information on you, but it was either us or johnny-hyung, and he's a lot scarier up close."

"uh, thanks then, i guess."

when jeno is finally properly headed back home—alone, that is—he still catches the tail end of the duo's antics.

"i can't wait to be his friend!”

jeno isn't quite sure of anything at all in the next passing days.

that tiny piece of ripped paper—he's crumpled it, and thrown it out, then retrieved it and smoothed it out about three times over now.

on the final time, at least, he had mind enough to log it into his phone to stop it from burning a hole into his pocket.

werewolf.

what the fuck is he supposed to make of that?

jeno supposes he's gone through most of the stages of grief by now. he's entertained the idea far enough to actually believe it, and he's rejected it to the point of separating every strange event that's happened to him from himself entirely, and ignoring it.

he's reasoned. he's bargained. what else is he missing?

depression, anger.

he's lost track of which emotion he's settled on, other than confusion. where's the existential crisis stage? jeno's positive he's been sitting somewhere around there for a few days now.

he's typed and deleted and re-typed and thrown his phone across the room, but he's no further ahead than he was since the night of his encounter with the two strange boys.

every minute that jeno's spent alone, he's been haunted by his own thoughts—by the what if's.

if he really is a werewolf, is he ever going to get the chance to live a normal life again? will he get to graduate, and start a career, and have a family, and grow old?

he's downloaded a moon phases app, and with every passing day that the crescent grows, tension builds in his chest. there’s only mere couple weeks until the true test of reality; if the full moon passes and nothing happens, he has no reason to ever meet the strange boys' werewolf pack. he can pass these entire few months off as a fever dream, and move on.

still, a part of him nags; right in the back of his head, quieter than the other voices of confusion, but constant and clear.

he should at least try to figure this stuff out, shouldn't he? doesn't he owe it to himself to try to settle this thing once and for all? to satisfy his curiosity?

jeno can't remember the last time he had a restful night's sleep. there's so many things keeping him awake in the wee hours of the night lately, it makes his head spin; the side effects of his restlessness don't particularly help, either.

renjun still seems like he's afraid to ask questions; every once in a while, he checks in on jeno, and each time, jeno is unsure of what to actually tell him.

that's the thing, isn't it? jeno's unsure.

he has no idea what the fuck to do. for the life of him, he can't figure out what the right call is. what to believe. where to even start.

jeno almost misses when his problems were only physical.

after another week, renjun decides the best thing for jeno is to take him out to a party.

"you literally wouldn't believe how weird the vibe has been, bro. i don't know what kind of weird funk you're in right now, but your soul needs this. trust me."

decked head to toe in what renjun deems his thot clothes, and a healthy few tequila shots in, jeno nurses his glass of jungle juice. well, plastic cup, because it's hot in here and the place is full of sweaty, clumsy drunks, anyway. the point of the monstrosity in his hand is to get him drunk, and quickly.

"you wanna tell me what's been going on with you, dude? like, are you dying or something? you aren't even this bad when exam season hits and you're strung out on cup ramen and monster."

"if i told you, you wouldn't believe me. trust me."

renjun holds his gaze steady, so jeno humours him. his lips are feeling a little too loose to hold back the truth, anyway.

"i met these, like, weird ass kids last month, coming home from class. never seen them before, but they wanna talk to me, right? you know what they tell me?"

jeno chugs the last of his drink back, and tosses his empty onto the nearest table.

"they try to convince me that i'm a fuckin' werewolf. like, some kind of twilight shit. crazy, right?"

jeno loses his footing. he quickly reaches for renjun to balance, giggling all the while.

okay, so he's a little tipsy.

"god, can you imagine that? you? i bet you'd look like, uh, one of those fluffy white dogs. samoyeds? imagine one of those coming at you; you'd be terrifying."

"c'mon, don't you think i'd at least be a little scarier? if i'm terrorizing villages and eating entire flocks of sheep?"

"i dunno, man. you're the one who picks spiders up and moves them outside, how scary could you really be?"

jeno rolls his eyes. he heads back to the makeshift bar to get them more drinks.

later, when he's stumbling to the bathroom to take a leak, jeno opens his contacts, and presses on that new number.

alright, i'll bite

Take Me To Your Leader, or whatever

almost instantaneously, he receives a reply.

i knew you'd come around sooner or later!

i'll text you an address tomorrow, okay?

i can't wait!!!

jeno returns to renjun as soon as he's finished fixing his hair in the grimy mirror, like the conversation never happened.

the second jeno wakes up, his priority is to find something to take for the ugly pounding in his head. any kind of half decent food he can get his hands on comes next, along with as much water as he can stomach.

it's not until he's stirred up a half-decent breakfast and poured himself a coffee that jeno even thinks to open his phone; when he does, he wonders if regret will be the theme of his entire morning.

from: annoying wolf boy

morning, sleepyhead!

come meet us over here for dinner later

wait, no, that sounds creepy

we aren't gonna murder you!!!

maybe lunch is better?

everyone's just really excited to meet you!!!!!!!

god, did he really give that little demon his number?

there are a lot of factors to consider here. if he goes to whatever this thing is, he can't back out of it. he’s sure that he could block chenle's number, but that doesn't really stop him from giving it to the rest of his weird cult.

if he actually goes to meet up with these people, is there a chance that he can convince them to leave him alone?

he's brought out of his thoughts by the sound of his roommate finally stumbling into the kitchen and rubbing at his eyes.

"there's still some eggs left if you want them; coffee's hot, too."

the grunt jeno receives in response is all he figures he'll get out of renjun in terms of stimulating morning conversation.

jeno rereads the messages for the tenth time over.

"hey, injunnie?"

"mm?"

"should i do something stupid?"

"will it get you killed?"

"...hopefully not?"

renjun considers it for a second as he stirs cream into his coffee. he shoves some eggs onto his plate, and takes a bite.

"fuck it, why not. live a little."

jeno supposes that's all the motivation he needs to, indeed, do something really fucking stupid.

what does he have to lose?

jeno isn't really sure what to expect—from the outside, the strange cult's gathering place just looks like a regular house in a nice enough neighbourhood. there's a well maintained garden out front. there's even a tasteful pumpkin on the front step to complement the late october atmosphere.

he doesn't bother texting chenle; at the very least, he owes it to himself to knock on the door like an adult.

maybe someone a little saner will answer.

and so jeno does. then he waits. he plays with a loose string on the seam of his sweater sleeve, and jingles some change in his pocket absently.

the boy who answers the door looks to be about his age; his cold eyes are a jarring contrast to his warm skin. he looks jeno up and down.

"so you're the new wolf, huh?"

"...i mean, i guess?"

his gaze is intense, but jeno doesn't back down. he holds it right back until the boy decides he's found what he's looking for. he opens the door wider in silent invitation.

yeah, this definitely feels cult-y. jeno's totally not freaked out.

he kicks his shoes off in the hallway, but keeps his jacket on. he's not cold, but the extra layer makes him feel just the tiniest bit better about this entire situation.

a few others gather in the living room. it comforts jeno a little more that they at least seem more lax and at ease than the boy at the door. an intense game of super smash bros keeps their attention, but jeno's presence is immediately noticed, of course, by the cult's main recruiter.

excitedly, chenle waves.

"you made it! guys, this is uh—well, whatever his name is."

another boy smacks chenle's shoulder. his gaze is far warmer, and he's got a smile to match.

"you didn't even get his name?"

"it was hard enough getting him to stay still and listen!"

he rolls his eyes at chenle, and looks back at jeno. one of the other smash contestants has paused their game amid the distraction for the grand occasion.

"fresh meat, what's your name?"

jeno freezes; all pairs of eyes in the room assess his every move. even the boy from the door, whose stare burns right through him.

"it's uh, jeno."

a few chilling seconds of silence fall over the room. it’s a little overwhelming, having so many people watch him like this. a chill travels down jeno's spine.

"jeno-hyung! god, finally!"

expectedly, chenle finds another excuse to be loud—it at least seems to break the ice a little, because everyone seems a little more relaxed again.

"it's nice to meet you, jeno. welcome to the pack; we'll be a hell of a lot less scary once you realize how annoying everyone is."

the boy with the warm eyes smiles brightly again with his introduction.

"i'm jaemin. you already know chenle and jisung, right? mark-hyung is the one who keeps eating shit in smash, and you met hyuck."

he gestures toward door boy, who still doesn't look any fonder of jeno than he did in their first meeting.

"he's just putting his tsundere act up! he's the clingiest of all of us."

chenle is quick to chime in. his hair is now a freshly dyed vibrant green. fitting.

jeno nods in some kind of understanding; he isn't really sure of what to do here, standing in the corner of the room like a weirdo. despite being invited, he doesn't really feel welcome.

"the hyungs are making dinner, but they'll be out soon. you can come sit, if you want?"

it's the first time jeno hears the boy named mark speak, but he offers a shy smile that makes jeno feel like he might not be entirely alone in his anxiety.

well, if he's gonna die here, at least he can play a couple rounds of smash before he gets sacrificed to the unholy lord.

dinner is just about as awkward as introductions were, to say the least. taeil, doyoung, jaehyun, and johnny are the older members.

the food is okay, he guesses. it seems like they really tried for good cooking as some sort of welcoming gesture. they mean well, so jeno throws caution to the wind, and has a couple bites. he’s mostly sure it's not poisoned, anyway. he gives thanks to his hosts.

it's hard not to notice the quiet authority johnny holds over the group. he sits at the end of the table, and when he speaks, everyone listens.

his voice sounds familiar.

"look, i'll be honest. this situation isn't ideal, but for what it's worth... i'm really glad you've joined us, jeno."

johnny's eyes are sincere; for a leader, he doesn't come off as cold or aloof. the same can't be said for a few other pack members, but jeno supposes he'll take his blessings where he can.

"we're sort of, like, a big dysfunctional family. we're all kind of stuck together whether we like it or not, so we've learned to make the most of it."

jaehyun offers words of comfort this time—the more time jeno spends at this house, the more he realizes that everyone expects this to just be his reality now.

this whole evening has turned into a hell of a lot more than just a visit. to be honest, jeno's still confused about the entire thing.

"you've been really generous hosts and all, but uh,"

jeno clears his throat, and dares to look around the room. as has been the theme of the night, all eyes on him are expectant.

"i still don't really know why i'm here. chenle tried to explain it, but i'm just not sure about this whole werewolf thing. it seems a little... outlandish?"

doyoung and jaehyun snicker, like jeno's missing out on some grand joke. it's a little unnerving.

"you're telling me that you still don't believe in werewolves?”

hyuck—or donghyuck, as he’s been told—looks around the room in disbelief.

“...you? an actual werewolf?"

half of them treat him warmly, and half of them focus on his every move like they're waiting for him to slip up.

"everyone keeps saying that, but i have no reason to believe any of it—all i've heard is stories. it's not a lot to go on, if this is really the lifelong commitment you're making it out to be."

unintentionally, jeno thinks he’s put a stop to their dinner. everyone's too invested in his overly bold and idiotic words, and suddenly, he feels like he's started something.

eyes travel around the room to meet each other, like they're sharing some kind of unspoken conversation. jeno isn't sure he knows the language, but he has enough sense to be wary.

jaemin nudges donghyuck, mischief written all over his face.

"the boy wants to see a wolf; i say let's show him one, hyuckie."

a smarter jeno would've declined the offer, but his window for escape has long shut. he’s stuck here in wait for whatever after dinner show it seems the younger pack members have prepared.

at least he's sandwiched between mark and jisung. of the entire group, they're the two who have done the least to rub jeno the wrong way, other than being part of whatever this strange congregation is.

out in the backyard, everyone watches jaemin and donghyuck roughhouse with varying levels of annoyance and fondness. they keep their distance. eventually, jaemin joins the crowd.

it’s all a lot to take in—donghyuck has started to strip, out here in front of everyone, and not a single person seems fazed by this fact.

jeno tries to head back to the house, because he certainly did not sign up to be part of this strange strip tease, but mark grabs his arm.

"listen, it's a little weird, but just watch, okay? it'll make sense."

quite literally held in place, jeno can only look above where donghyuck stands as he strips out of his last article of clothing.

donghyuck takes a running start before he jumps; what jeno sees next is definitely more shocking than donghyuck's naked form.

a boy enters the air—a beast rips through his body, and its four feet land on the ground as it snarls. its fur is a silky honey-blond, and its eyes look far too knowing to be those of just a wolf.

jeno feels a little unsteady on his feet.

"what the fuck?"

his entire world has just been turned upside down, and a few of them are laughing at him. he's imagining this, right? this has to be a hyper-realistic nightmare or something; people don't just turn into wolves.

"it's really something the first time you see it, huh?"

jeno is too fixated on the sight before him to pay attention to anything mark does.

the wolf who stands in donghyuck's place parades around proudly. he settles right in front of jeno to sit, staring at him.

what’s the proper protocol, when one is face to face with a wolf? can he... pet? jeno reaches a hand out cautiously. if this really is donghyuck in wolf form, jeno doesn’t know if he’ll make it home with all of fingers if he makes the wrong move.

it seems donghyuck is more amicable out of human form; he walks a few steps over to meet jeno's hand. his fur is as soft as it looks when jeno cautiously runs a hand over it.

fuck.

he isn’t dreaming.

"that's... donghyuck, right? you can all do this?"

jisung nods.

"and you're all telling me that... i can do that?"

"well, duh, you're a wolf. you're part of the pack now, jeno-hyung."

"jun-ah, do you think werewolves are real?"

jeno isn't quite sure he's over last night's events. he's not sure that he's accepted it as his reality, either. he's got a lot of new numbers in his phone, and a million questions that he plans to send to absolutely none of them—it’s all just a little too much.

"i think i'm pretty open to the idea of anything out there."

"even vampires? witches? demons?"

"i mean, why not? we don't even know what's at the bottom of our oceans. who's to say that all of those creatures didn't start fictional propaganda so we'd leave them alone to live in peace?"

jeno never really thought of it that way. it makes sense, he supposes. it'd be dangerous for humans to act on their fear-driven impulses if the supernatural interacted with them. maybe it's best for them to stay separate.

"what if i told you i was a werewolf?"

"i'd ask to see some proof."

"would you believe it, if you saw it?"

"mm. i think it'd be pretty hard not to, wouldn't it?"

jeno isn’t quite sure how to answer. it’s not as simple as it sounds for one to accept that they’re the very fictional monster they grew up learning about in fairy-tales and urban legends. to accept something so absolutely surreal and absurd out of the blue.

"it's not as hard as you’d think. to not believe."

renjun chuckles a little. he turns back to the movie. the supernatural is definitely his expertise, but jeno thinks it's a little ironic that renjun is so ignorant of the truth.

"you've always been hard to convince. i don't think it'd surprise me if you saw something in the flesh and didn't believe in it."

in his defence, jeno thinks he's done more than his fair share of believing lately.

the moon is in waxing gibbous. jeno feels it. never in his life has he been so aware of the moon; it’s almost as if it uses his body to channel its power, and speaks through him.

when he listens, he hears it whisper. he yearns to understand it.

jeno finds he’s been spending more time in nature than ever lately—it brings him peace, even when the entire world feels like it’s suffocating him. the fresh air cleans his lungs and his mind. when he closes his eyes beneath the stars, he feels whole.

under the moonlight, he finds the piece of him he feels like he’s been missing since the attack. it stitches him up, kisses his wounds, and shrouds him in protection. swaddles and holds him when he needs it most.

he’s a transient, and the moon always welcomes him home.

jeno returns to the wolf house two days before the full moon.

come to think of it, he’s unsure of who the place belongs to; he never had the chance to ask, given everything else that went last time.

he feels a lot more confident knocking on their door this time, knowing what to expect on the inside. he knows everyone’s name, and he’s at least thirty percent more confident he won’t get murdered the second he steps inside.

doyoung answers, gaze still curious, but more welcoming than the first time.

"decided you're ready for more?"

jeno isn't quite sure what brings him here for the second time. curiosity definitely plays a factor. he's had enough time to process the strange events that he'd witnessed. it could equally be an act of self-care or to his detriment.

"jury's still out on if i'll ever be, but it feels like it's a good idea to be here."

it's the least jeno can do to be nice; no matter his internal strife, it's obvious that the pack is trying to help him.

he remembers the layout of the house this time, and greets people by their names. not everyone is here. it's a lot less intimidating now that he can roam freely without too many curious looks.

eventually, jeno finds himself sitting on the steps of the deck out in the backyard—he needed some air. he still feels a little strange among the pack, and he supposes he can't really blame them for taking their own time to deal with his abrupt presence in their tight-knit group.

he's still waiting to feel like he belongs. is he really what they claim? how can they know? how do they carry themselves with such ease and assurance?

when jeno opens his eyes again, he jumps a little—he didn’t expect to see jaemin on the other side of his step. he’s quiet, and he never announced his presence, so jeno is unsure of how long he’s been there.

"jaemin?"

jeno hasn't exchanged many words with any of them; where does he start?

jaemin meets his eyes and smiles softly.

"i come out here to think, too. that's why you're here, right?"

it's true enough to nod.

"how are you holding up? i remember how hard it all was, at first. i really don't envy you."

jeno takes a few moments to figure out how to answer. hard is an understatement; it's interrupted his entire life, and it's all he can think about. he can't escape it even in his dreams. it creeps up on him just as he's about to forget all of it.

"honestly? i kind of feel like shit. it feels like something is wrong with me."

"mm, i get that. it really takes time, you know? some of us have their whole lives to prepare for it, because their parents were wolves. acceptance is a lot to ask of someone who never meant to get attacked—humans don't really plan for their entire lives to be flipped upside down."

"can i... ask how you became a wolf?"

it's a question that jaemin at least looks prepared for, like he’s been waiting. he spends a moment in silence, and jeno dares not speak.

"got attacked, just like you. i was five or six, though, if i remember. i was on a camping trip with my parents, and a couple wolves caught us by surprise in the middle of the night."

jaemin's smile saddens, and he looks at his shoes.

"dad took one of 'em out, but the other one was bigger. i was the only one who made it out, because i played dead. it, uh, wasn't hard to, considering the state it left me in."

jeno doesn't know how to react to this answer; he doesn't know jaemin enough to feel confident gauging whether to comfort him.

"god, jaemin, i'm so sorry."

"i've had a long time to get over it, don't sweat it. i'm lucky johnny-hyung found me and took me in; this pack is my family. they're all i have—i'd do anything for them."

the more jeno learns from the pack, the more real everything seems. that kind of trauma, like his own, is tangible and real. it's something that sticks with a person for their entire life, and changes who they are to their very core. jeno’s entire world changed, after that fateful night. it’s not the same experience, but to an extent, he can at least understand that.

"you're really lucky that out of anyone, it was our jisungie. he's a really sweet kid—we all just thought we'd have a better handle on him for his first moon than we did. it's not something anyone chooses, but for what it's worth, you're in the best pack anyone could ask for. we really look out for each other."

jeno can't really find it in himself to resent jisung for the ordeal. in his suffering, he's only been hating himself and the world around him. jisung's eyes are kind, and he's already apologized. jeno truly feels for jaemin who never got to meet his attacker.

"i just—i guess i'm kind of struggling to see how i belong? everyone is a stranger to me, but you're all showing me so much kindness. i don't feel like i've earned it."

jaemin nods like he understands.

"it'll come with time like the rest of it. we look out for our own. we're here for you so you don't have to go through everything alone. we're your people as much as you're ours, now."

it makes sense to come to the pack for these things—it's not like he can really consult with renjun.

they sit in silence together for a while longer, but this time it's comfortable.

"what if i end up hurting someone, like jisung did? how do i stop myself from becoming something like that?"

"with lots of practice. shifting is something you have to do a thousand times over to be comfortable with. plus, like, supervision is key. we kind of fucked up on that part."

"how do you... do it? like, shift on command? how do you control it?"

it seems at least that the mood has improved; jaemin perks up in opportunity.

"we can practice! it's like, a specific feeling you focus on until it becomes second nature. you imagine yourself shifting, and then it happens."

"...just like that?"

"just like that! look, i'll show you."

jeno still isn't comfortable with the pack's uncaring eagerness to shed their clothes in front of each other. he resolutely does not watch as jaemin takes off his clothes, and takes great interest in a bug on the ground below him.

"...do you have to do that?"

"do what?"

jeno still won't look at him.

"just like, get naked out of the blue. you're really comfortable like that?"

"listen, we've all ruined too many outfits to play that game anymore. who has the time to walk around naked searching for new clothes when they shift back?"

he has a point; jeno's definitely been in a similar situation. however, he's certainly not prepared to get naked in front of a near stranger.

"i'll take my chances."

jeno covers his eyes as he lifts his head. he only peeks through his fingers when he's sure he's found a view that only reveals jaemin’s face.

the tips of his ears burn.

"look, just watch, okay? it's easier than you'd think."

jaemin crouches for ease. jeno is glad that the angle covers more of his form; he's only momentarily distracted from the absolutely horrifying sight that shifting is up close.

jaemin's bones bend and snap. the skin peels off of his face as his bones rearrange themselves into those of a wolf's. fur emerges from his skin until he's covered, up on four feet, and blinking up at jeno with warm eyes.

his coat is a gleaming copper brown. as a wolf, jaemin walks right up to jeno, and rubs up against him like a household pet.

jeno feels far more confident in touching than he did with donghyuck; there's no eyes on him other than jaemin's.

"you can hear me, right?"

jaemin paws softly at his feet before making direct eye contact. jeno takes it as a yes.

jeno touches the top of one of jaemin's paws and searches for his eyes again.

"can i?"

jaemin sets his paw in jeno's hand; it's surreal, being this close to a wolf, but talking to the human inside of him.

gently, jeno's fingers close around jaemin's paw. he feels the pads of his feet, and every bone. he runs his fingers further up jaemin's leg, feeling the fur and lean muscle that very much belong to a wolf, and not a human at all. that is, until he remembers that this animal body does belong to a human, and he's gotten a little carried away, so jeno quickly clears his throat and sets jaemin's paw back down as his flush deepens.

"you can, uh, change back at any time. to teach me."

jaemin nuzzles against jeno's leg, giving him a look jeno doesn’t know how to decipher. maybe it's for the better.

still, jaemin complies and repeats the process in reverse. it looks horribly painful, the way his body snaps back into human form. there's blood involved. jeno isn't quite sure where all of his wolf components go, but eventually, jaemin is back in front of him again as a boy.

jeno is positive he won't get used to that for a long time.

"...how do i do that?"

jaemin's laughter twinkles like wind chimes.

"magic?"

jeno raises an eyebrow.

"okay, fine. just, uh, concentrate on every cell of your body turning into a wolf. every part of you, from your head to your fingertips and toes. it's kind of like meditation, except instead of enlightenment, you turn into a wolf at the end."

jeno closes his eyes, and indeed, tries to imagine this. he picks up tiny sensations, like the wind dancing along his fingertips, and where his clothing grabs on his skin. he imagines himself turning into such a creature, fur emerging from his skin, and—

"you look constipated."

jeno opens his eyes to find jaemin looking right back at him, clearly amused by how little progress jeno is making.

he blinks at jaemin.

"it's harder than you make it look."

jeno closes his eyes again, tries to focus even harder. he ignores that jaemin is watching, steadies his breathing, and tries to pull the feeling from his core.

the thing is, he doesn't even know what he's searching for. it's not enough to just envision himself as a wolf, or turning into one.

jeno groans into his hands.

"maybe we should try a different route."

"does it start with you putting pants on?"

"but i like these pants."

the argument a futile feat, in a house of wolves. jeno rolls his eyes.

"anyway, as i was saying, maybe we need to change things up. shifting happens one of two ways; through concentration if you know what you're doing, or as your body's reaction to extreme stress. it's kind of like a fight or flight."

"...i'm starting to regret coming over."

jeno's lost count of the number of times jaemin has thrown him to the ground. there's dirt all over everything he owns, he's sore all over, and he's still made no progress.

jaemin has come at him in wolf form trying to scare him, gnashed his teeth right in jeno's face, and still nothing.

they're lying on the ground, staring at the clouds as they pass.

"there's one more thing we haven't tried."

what could possibly be left, when they've done everything? he's about given up on this entire shifting thing.

"what have we been holding back on?"

there it is; the look of mischief is back on jaemin's face, and jeno has a healthy fear of whatever is to follow.

jaemin offers jeno a hand to pull him up off the ground, and they're back to facing each other.

"punch me."

jeno looks at him incredulously.

"i'm serious. just do it."

in the two days jeno’s known jaemin, he’s been just a little chaotic, but jeno certainly didn’t expect this.

"now you've really lost it."

this time, it's jaemin who rolls his eyes.

"wolves heal fast. it might hurt, but not for long. trust me."

jeno slowly makes a fist. jaemin holds eye contact, and nods.

he isn't sure what actually drives him to do it, but jeno lands a punch squarely on jaemin's jaw.

"again."

this time, it's jaemin's left eye.

the time after that, it's his nose.

jaemin delivers a forceful blow just under jeno's ribs, and all hell breaks loose. he’s beyond feeling pain as the two of them beat the living hell out of each other. they're spitting blood—jaemin loses a tooth—one of jeno’s ribs cracks.

he sees red. his brain is set to attack, and somewhere between tackling jaemin to the ground and being flipped on his own back as jaemin's knee drives into his gut, he finally loses it.

jeno surges forward, growls, and gnashes his teeth in jaemin's face in warning as he pins him down by both of his shoulders. he's ready to go in for the kill—the grin on jaemin's face is wide. he laughs.

"knew i'd get it out of you one way or another."

jeno's senses are on fire; the blood is pounding through his veins, and his ears are ringing. he can't catch his breath.

why would jaemin suddenly stop like that?

"look at yourself, you big oaf. it worked."

what is jaemin talking about?

it takes some effort to take his gaze off the potential threat of jaemin. when jeno does, the pieces fall into place.

where a pair of hands should be, jeno finds a pair of large white paws.

jaemin peels himself out from under jeno and sits up to be at jeno’s eye level. he ruffles the fur on top of his head.

"you look just like those big, fluffy, white dogs. what are those things called again?"

jeno blinks.

"cuter than i expected—even when you're seconds from ripping my throat out."

though he wants to protest, jeno’s beyond speech in wolf form. instead, he whines, ears down.

the shredded remains of the outfit he'd come over in surround him. jeno gets it now. god, that really fucking sucks.

the sounds of breaking bones and ripping flesh are far more intense on wolf ears. jeno cringes. he's not sure he'll ever get used to that.

now a wolf, jaemin nuzzles his head against jeno's own and play-tackles him.

'welcome to the pack, jeno-ya.'

jeno looks at jaemin.

'what the fuck?'

jaemin sniffs, ears up.

jeno supposes that's the closest a wolf can get to a laugh.

'you’ll get used to it. we're lucky none of the other pack members are in wolf form right now, because it gets super annoying.'

'was that jeno-hyung?'

apparently jaemin was wrong.

'he figured it out? god, finally!'

'i can't wait to tell you that i told you so in person, hyung. you thought we were crazy!'

'god, wait 'til we tell johnny-hyung! he'll be so excited!'

having chenle and jisung in his head is a nightmare.

jaemin looks at him knowingly.

'i rest my case.'

jeno spends the entire day trying to master the art of shifting. thankfully, he no longer has to get into fights with the other members of the pack to trigger it, though the younger members are eager nonetheless.

exposure inures him to the voices in his head, though the content is regrettable.

talking to each other telepathically mainly seems to work through intention. one projects their voice into the pack's thoughts, and everyone hears it. there are no secret conversations.

the phrase thinking loudly also applies—jeno's heard enough of chenle and jisung's flirting and nauseating thoughts about each other for a lifetime.

romance, it seems, is dead when nine other wolves can hear you.

he's at least reached the point where he feels comfortable enough to go home and get some sleep.

fast healing patches up the surface wounds, but it doesn't soothe the deep ache through every inch of jeno's body. he's absolutely exhausted—the final time he shifts back into human form he lies face down on the grass and groans.

"dramatic isn't your best look."

the stars are starting to come out, and jeno's sense of humor died about twelve shifts ago. jaemin pokes his shoulder as he teases him; his bottomless well of energy is beyond jeno’s comprehension. jeno thinks he could sleep for a year.

"i think i'm dying."

"johnny-hyung would never let any of us live it down if we actually killed you in his backyard. everything up to that point is perfectly acceptable."

jeno sighs with his entire body. he plants his face right in the grass beneath him.

"i can't believe i have nothing to wear home."

necessity has made him a little more comfortable around his pack, but god does jeno miss his clothes.

"you can borrow some of mine so you don't scare the neighbours."

jeno supposes renjun has the right to be suspicious; he doesn't make it home until almost midnight, and he probably looks like hell.

"dude, what happened to the outfit you left in?"

he's too tired to come up with a defense, so he just shrugs.

"i'm glad you're finally getting the ass you deserve; you've been too tense lately."

"i'm not even—"

"you'll have to bring him over to hang out soon! i love you, bro, i really do, but you need a bigger circle of friends. this is a step in the right direction."

if only renjun knew just how extensively jeno's social circle has expanded.

"...he's just a friend."

"i knew it! god, you're the worst liar."

jeno decides it's better to just ignore renjun and head to his room to crash. it's likely he'll have to spend all of tomorrow testing his body to its limits, too, so he figures it's best to get ahead on sleep.

along with his pillow, jaemin's hoodie is the softest thing in the world. he leaves it on for maximum comfort. not because it kind of smells nice, or whatever.

by the end of the next night, jeno is ready to collapse—any extra pre-full moon energy is lost on him after he's pushed his body this far.

at the very least, jeno had the presence of mind to not destroy any of his clothes today, so he's thankfully bundled up as he curls into a ball on the living room couch.

"are there any other wolf packs in seoul?"

he's smack in the middle of a burning questions session, with mark and jaemin at his mercy. most of jeno's time in this house has been spent perfecting the art of not killing everything in sight; he hasn’t had time to seek answers.

"a couple. there's supposed to be an inherent rivalry between packs, but the few other wolves i've met were nice enough."

mark is a fountain of knowledge, and jeno's curiosity is piqued.

"why can't we hear their thoughts?"

"it's a pack thing. we have to either be scratched by a member, or there's, like, this blood oath we take with johnny during the full moon that binds us to each other. you'll probably have to get in on that part regardless, though."

"so it makes us... family?"

"sort of? it’s like a soul bond, but it isn't necessarily like we're brothers. chenle and jisung would kind of ruin that dynamic."

jeno scrunches his nose at the thought.

"but chenle’s chinese, right? how'd he end up here? do you get to choose your pack?"

"i mean, technically, yeah. we could leave and join other packs, and some of us have. obviously the born wolves here had to, but chenle's kind of a special case. he might tell you if you ask."

the more time jeno spends around chenle, the more fond he's become. his bright energy is endearing and contagious—it's easy to see why the pack gives him everything he wants.

the drama they have on plays in the background for a while.

"what about other species? like, vampires. what are they like?"

neither mark nor jaemin seem keen on the concept; their faces scrunch up at even the name.

"not worth the time of day. they're pretentious and boring."

"what about faeries? mermaids?"

"if you're lucky enough to see one."

"angels? demons?"

"that's a little above our heads; we don't really get involved in that stuff."

jeno hums, satisfied.

well, almost.

"what about, like, bigfoot? mothman?"

jaemin turns to him this time.

"god, i wish i knew. imagine being friends with cryptids! we're, like, distant cousins to bigfoot, right? it's kind of the same with ghosts, and stuff."

jeno giggles; it's all still a little outlandish, to him. meeting any of these creatures sounds beyond comprehension, when he's barely used to being one of them himself.

"i think you'd get along really well with my roommate."

jeno feels when the full moon hits; it's like an itch under his skin.

paying attention to his classes proves hopeless. the sun is still high in the sky, but everything in him wants to escape. to run.

when he finally feels like he can't take it any longer, he dips on his afternoon classes and escapes back to the wolf house. johnny's house.

there's a few hours yet before sunset, but jeno can barely sit still. at least jisung, who's in a similar state, can empathize.

"i think i get it now; why the first moon is so hard."

jeno is hugging his knees to his chest on the living room couch, compressed as tightly as his body will allow. it feels like he's about to burst at the seams, so he holds himself together as best as he can.

"it's... easier this time around for me, if it helps. and you're already doing better than i was."

words of comfort from jisung certainly aren't what jeno expects, but they aren't unwelcome. jeno could use a break; the distraction, hopefully, will suppress his urge to scream. he's losing his mind.

"how do the rest of them deal with this? it's torture."

jeno's head pounds. his heart is racing. he groans and hangs his head.

"everyone's a little on edge when the moon is full—even johnny-hyung. this is the worst part of it all."

surely, jeno can attest. everything sucks, when all jeno wants to do is release his wolf and run until his legs can't carry him any longer. shifting won't be a problem later, if he's already struggling with his grasp on humanity.

a few more hours. he's lived nineteen years without running free as a wolf. he can wait a little longer.

for everything this blood ritual is hyped up to be, there's nothing grandiose about it.

the whole pack watches johnny slice the palm of jeno's hand with a kitchen knife, deeply enough that it makes jeno hiss. he does the same to his own.

there's no magical feeling, when their hands touch and blood intermingles. when it drips all over the linoleum of their kitchen, or when jeno starts to feel the wound close.

the only difference is the sense of camaraderie around the room. even donghyuck offers him a small smile; it's far from his energy on the first day, when he barely made eye contact. every member of this pack has offered him guidance and kindness. they took him in when he was lost—he isn’t sure he would’ve been able to make it this far without them.

jeno is the last to shift—nine pairs of eyes wait on him. some paw at the ground excitedly, and others hold deep focus.

thankfully, it comes in seconds after how tightly jeno has been wound all day. it happens so quickly that he barely feels it, and suddenly, everything feels like too much to handle. it’s freeing, escaping his flesh like this. letting out the beast. he’s been yearning for it.

everyone is watching him like they expect him to bolt; every muscle in jeno's body screams to, but he can't lose control. he won't.

all his practice has prepared him for heightened sensations, the voices in his head. the call of the moon is strong, but jeno still has his wits about him. jeno forces himself to sit back on his haunches, against his very nature.

'can you handle yourself? are you ready?'

when johnny addresses him, jeno acts a little more confident than he is. at very least, he has the entire pack to keep an eye on him, and his thoughts are still rational enough to stay still and take orders. he’ll fake it until he makes it.

it's worth a shot.

'as ready as i'll ever be.'

interestingly enough, it's donghyuck that keeps watch over jeno. everyone says he's the fastest member of the pack, so naturally, jeno is stuck with him as a shadow while he roams. jaehyun tags along as backup in case it's needed, but it seems the rest of the pack has abandoned them to choose their own way to spend the night.

as soon as he was given the go-ahead, jeno ran. as fast as his legs could take him, and for as long as he needed to. far enough that it's beyond anywhere he recognizes, but at least once he finally finds somewhere to catch his breath, he isn't alone.

'hyuckie's got competition—how fast do you run on two legs?'

they've stopped at a stream. jaehyun takes a drink. something about being in wolf form stops jeno from thinking it's gross. necessities, and all.

'used to be on the track team. fast enough.'

some voices sound closer, and others are more distant. mark and jaemin are bickering, and it sounds like jisung and chenle are on the hunt for food. jaehyun and donghyuck sound far closer.

'if it were a race, i'd leave him in a trail of dust. we're being responsible babysitters.'

donghyuck huffs at the chestnut brown wolf who challenges him, and takes a break to lie down on the grass between the two of them.

‘what do you say, fresh meat? wanna put that to the test?’

the full moon has been rough on jeno.

when he's out, running as a wolf, things are fine—it feels natural, freeing. cathartic. on the other hand, when he's doing absolutely anything else in his life, it's like the entire world is just out of reach.

after a few failed attempts to get through the week normally, he misses school for four days. when he comes back, he's absolutely fucked.

flunking an important test definitely comes out of left field. jeno has never received less than a passing grade in his life.

by the time jeno's classes are done for the day, he's fuming. content is slipping through his fingers in almost everything he's taking, because he hasn't been reading or doing the homework to get a grasp on it. even during lectures, he’s been as absent mentally as he has been physically.

when he storms off campus, he's too distracted by his own self-criticism to even tell where his feet are taking him—when he realizes he’s almost at the wolf house, he figures it makes sense. with the amount of time he’s spent here lately, it’s become a place of comfort.

he ends up sitting at the kitchen table, laptop and books and notes sprawled all around him in a flurry of chaos that much resembles the state of his brain, mindlessly picking away at the dinner johnny had shared with him and highlighting with vigor.

there's no way he's letting himself get this behind next full moon—he'd rather die than fail a course.

jaemin comes home while he's taking a break to mope about his life situation and make himself a cup of tea. jeno hadn't even considered the mess until now, but he's a little self-conscious with company.

"rough day?"

an understatement, but jaemin means well, so he humours him.

"something like that."

jeno sips his tea. he curses under his breath when he pays the price for not giving it enough time to cool off.

jaemin raises an eyebrow.

"i failed a test. guessing doesn't really work on short-answer questions."

sympathy certainly isn't what jeno is looking for when he hardly wants to acknowledge this shortcoming himself. he finds his way back to his seat to avoid eye contact.

this proves useless when jaemin takes the seat across from him at the table.

"which class?"

jeno looks at the notes surrounding him with disdain.

"...calculus."

"yikes."

jaemin's visible cringe can mean only one thing—he's been subjected to the same form of torture.

"i can go over my notes with you? i'm assuming this is because of last week."

he can't believe he let himself get behind like this. jeno nods.

"you really don't have to; it's already enough to have to go through it once. i'll figure it out eventually."

apparently it's not the answer jaemin is looking for. he disappears to his room for a minute and comes back to sit beside jeno with his own notebook.

"too late. i can't in good faith watch you spiral when it's partially our fault that you're falling behind."

he can't really refuse help when he's so desperate to catch up.

they go over formulas and theories for hours before it really sticks—jeno would've given up on jaemin after the first few tries. it seems jaemin has endless patience, and he explains things calmly and clearly even when jeno takes a few tries to get it right.

jaemin calls it around the three hour-mark.

"i think you're due for a break."

jeno looks up halfway through working out a formula.

"i need a little more time on this one—i think i got the last part wrong."

"you're already onto next week's material. we've already covered everything you missed on the test, and the prof said he'll be going over this stuff tomorrow again, anyway."

"...you're in my calculus class? are you biotech, too?"

it doesn't seem overly far fetched; the lecture hall is full of a couple hundred and jeno is often too focused on the content to notice anything going on around him.

"engineering, but i think calc overlaps. you're monday mornings and thursday afternoons, right?"

jeno nods, a little taken aback. the world works in mysterious ways sometimes.

"i guess i've just never noticed you before. can you imagine if we'd bumped into each other before all of this?"

"you sound exactly like the kind of overachiever i avoid. maybe you getting scratched was for the better."

jaemin smirks in his teasing. jeno gives him a look.

"haughtiness is unbecoming of you. we definitely wouldn't get along."

"i guess it sucks that you're stuck with me forever, then, huh?"

jeno finds that he really doesn't agree, but he plays it up for the act.

"don't make me regret not dying out in the woods."

jaemin beams.

"wouldn't dream of it. anyway, how are we feeling about that break?"

they end up on jaemin's bed to catch up on the new season of black mirror, laptop on jaemin's lap. jeno kind of wishes his piss-poor eyesight had improved like the rest of his shiny new senses, but he supposes he's been cursed with bad eyes forever.

if he ends up a little too close to jaemin, it's because he was straining to read the subtitles from his seat. bundling up under jaemin's blanket is much the same—it's getting a little chilly as they near november.

he certainly doesn't plan for his eyes growing heavy, curled up on jaemin's bed where it's warm and comfortable.

he yawns, and closes his eyes for a moment.

"i forgot your sweater; i'll have to bring it next time."

there's a brief moment of silence, but he's a little too sleepy to read too far into it.

"don't worry about it. you can keep it."

jaemin's voice is as warm as his bed.

"...promise?"

jeno's consciousness is fading, but he thinks he hears the response he wants. he smiles softly before he slips into dreamland.

"promise."

jeno's pretty thankful that he's only got a couple afternoon classes on fridays, because he definitely didn't set an alarm before he crashed last night.

he can't quite place the feeling he gets waking up in jaemin's bed, so he doesn't pay it much mind.

jaemin must be long gone; his side of the bed is cold, and his backpack is nowhere in sight. jeno rubs sleep out of his eyes, and locates the few scattered belongings of his around jaemin's room before he heads toward the kitchen.

it can't be too late in the day, because johnny is cooking up some absolutely delectable-smelling breakfast.

"sleep well?"

johnny raises an eyebrow as jeno shuffles over to the kitchen table and sits in front of his mess of homework. jeno doesn't read too much into it.

"mm, later than i should've, but i don't have anywhere to be 'til like, 1."

he begins to gather up the mess of his life he's spread all over the kitchen table.

"do you want some of this? i think i made too much."

jeno has never in his life been one to turn down free food, no matter how humble he knows he should act around near-strangers.

he fills up his plate and stabs at a breakfast sausage.

"you seem like you're adjusting pretty well. are things going okay so far?"

it's not the breakfast chatter jeno expected, but he's happy enough to oblige. he is, after all, living in johnny's house part-time at this point.

"it's going a lot better than i thought it would, considering the whole life being turned upside-down thing. i'm... starting to feel normal, i think? the wow factor about the whole werewolf thing has kind of worn off by now."

apparently that warrants a soft chuckle. johnny takes another sip of his coffee.

"i guess school could use a little work, but that's mostly because of the full moon. jaemin really helped out with that part, though, so i guess things are headed back up again."

"you're really starting to get along with everyone, mm? i'm a little relieved—i was kind of worried it'd all be a little too much for you to get used to out of the blue."

so far, jeno's transition into the pack has been pretty seamless. there's still members he hardly talks to, but even they’re starting to warm up to him. he has no secrets with his pack; it’s comfortable, and the more time he spends among them, the more he feels like he belongs.

"i mean, that's mostly on all of you. everyone seems to look out for each other, you know? you can feel it. you actually care about making sure i feel welcome."

jeno's life was far worse when he was alone. even with all of the drama getting to this point, he's grateful to have everyone around to help.

"ah, some more than others, i'm assuming."

if johnny’s words have a hidden meaning, it’s something jeno tries not to stress over.

in a couple weeks, jeno finally feels like he's got his life back on track. he's a hell of a lot less tense, well on the way to mending his grades, and overall, it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

this time, renjun has dragged him to some new club in celebration of finally getting his shit together again.

nightclubs are certainly a different experience with heightened senses; jeno feels like even after a few drinks, he still notices everything.

people eyeing them around the bar. the guy renjun decides to sink his claws into for the night. which drinks the man buys to woo him.

generally, renjun's hookups don't bother him—they've got an unspoken rule that if one of them (mainly renjun) finds someone they want to spend the night with, it's always at the hookup's house instead of their dorm.

common courtesy.

the general pattern doesn't apply to renjun's victim tonight, though. jeno can't place it, but there's ... something about him. before jeno lets his mind rest and leaves renjun to do whatever he has planned tonight, something makes jeno want to at least check in on him.

it could just be a baseless hunch, with how hyper-aware jeno has been of his surroundings nowadays, but it'll settle his anxieties.

the last time jeno saw the two of them, they were somewhere around the bottle-serviced tables sucking face. he isn't quite sure where they went next. a quick scan of the room turns up no trace of them.

he doesn't find anyone when he heads to the bathroom, either.

a final look through the crowd has jeno sighing in defeat; it's nearing last call, so it's likely the two have left to wherever they're settling for the night.

he doesn't have much to stay for now that renjun is gone, so jeno will just have to swallow down the feeling of unease and head home for the night.

renjun is a big boy. he can handle himself.

he pushes through a crowd near the door, nods at the bouncer, and heads outside.

home isn't too far, so he feels comfortable just walking. an uber would be superfluous.

heightened hearing, especially around a nightclub, is jeno's curse. he can hear all the conversations around him. unfortunately, as he continues further down the street, he's subjected to an overeager couple in an alleyway who couldn't wait.

jeno looks at the alleyway by chance, but he stops in his tracks when he sees who it is.

it seems renjun and his flavour of the night have already started their night of fun. though, as mildly as disgusted as he is by the sight, something still feels off. renjun's eyes are closed as the guy makes work of his neck, pinning him to the wall.

something smells absolutely rancid—like spoiled carcasses and stagnant dust. jeno edges a little closer. it might be stupid, but he just can't shake the feeling.

he smells blood.

from where he is now, he can see it dripping slowly down renjun's neck as he sighs in pleasure. jeno gasps—it's enough, apparently to be heard by the man.

when he turns around to look, jeno sees blood all over him. a pair of sharp fangs, and red eyes.

jeno, too, sees red.

though he's never seen one before, it doesn't take a genius.

vampire.

somewhere between snarling at the creature and lunging for him, he's shifted. the vampire apparently knows what's good for him, because he's quick to turn heel and run.

he's fast. on four legs, jeno is faster.

he catches the thing by his achilles tendon at the end of the alleyway.

it's all a flurry from there as they claw at each other. as soon as he has an opening, jeno goes for its throat instinctively.

it tried to hurt renjun—there's no mercy. jeno doesn't stop until the vampire goes limp.

the blood on his muzzle smells like renjun.

it takes jeno a minute or two to catch his breath, force down his primal instincts, and find himself again.

he shifts back into human form once his mind is clear enough; he's a little shell-shocked.

did he really just... kill that thing?

jeno checks for an audience. thankfully, no one had been around to see it.

god, he's a murderer.

a weak cough comes from the alleyway opening. ice shoots through his veins.

fuck.

renjun.

he rips the clothes off the vampire to slip on. whatever renjun had seen certainly won't be helped by jeno's nude form if he has to explain himself.

jeno rushes to the pile on the floor that is his best friend. he makes sure to support renjun's head as he sits him up.

god, that's a lot of blood.

"injunnie? jun-ah? you can hear me, right?"

"mm..."

"look at me."

renjun's eyes lazily make their way up to meet jeno's. at least he just seems like he's a little out of it, and not like he's a second from dying.

jeno leans down to press an ear to his chest. renjun's heartbeat is a little slow, but steady.

it was a near miss—jeno doesn't want to think about what might've happened if he'd taken longer to find him.

warily, jeno looks toward the dark form on the ground in the back corner of the alley, then back at renjun.

that's a problem for future jeno to deal with.

for now, he focuses on getting renjun up and leading him the few blocks to their dorm. renjun holds onto jeno's waist with both arms, but he's stumbling a little too much to make any kind of distance.

jeno gives up, and decides it's more efficient to piggyback renjun the rest of the way; he receives no complaint.

however, once he's settled onto jeno's back and they're properly on their way, renjun finds his voice.

"are you gonna tell me what i just saw?"

jeno tenses.

he didn't even realize that renjun must've had a front row seat to everything that just happened.

"...we'll talk about it in the morning. let's get you home for now, okay?"

apparently, that's enough for now.

jeno has a little more time.

once morning comes, jeno is too weighed down by last night to get out of bed.

the second he leaves his room, he's due to explain some things. things that renjun should never have been exposed to. things jeno wasn't quite ready to tell him yet.

life certainly isn't always peaches and daisy fields.

once jeno's finished wallowing in self-pity, he braves the kitchen for something to eat.

it seems renjun has been waiting for him, and for the first time in all the years jeno has known him, he looks wide awake in spite of the early hour.

jeno heads to the fridge to seek whichever greasy leftovers he can heat up. he tries his best to avoid eye contact.

"lee jeno."

he freezes.

"tell me what i saw last night wasn't real."

jeno has never been a good liar.

he puts his food in the microwave and, finally, turns around to meet renjun's gaze.

"so, there's some things i've been keeping from you."

"some things?"

"...i guess they're big things. one big thing."

jeno knows that look. he won't leave the kitchen until he's answered every question renjun throws his way.

"so let me get this straight. i tried to fuck a vampire, you caught him using me as a blood bag on legs, and turned into a wolf? and killed him?"

slowly, jeno nods.

"you've been a werewolf this whole time? what the fuck, bro."

jeno expected to have this conversation with renjun at some point, but this certainly wasn't the time or means he had in mind.

he's trying his best.

"not like, this whole time. it's only been a couple months."

"a couple months? when were you planning on telling me all of this?"

"...when it came up? i was gonna tell you soon, i promise! i just wanted a little more time to prepare for it, is all. i'm still barely used to all of it."

renjun takes some time to process things. jeno waits chews anxiously at his lower lip, and scrapes up the last of his food to finish it.

"so you're a werewolf."

jeno nods.

"are there... more of you?"

"i have a pack."

"a pack?"

really, when jeno was more confident in his control as a wolf, he planned to bring renjun to the wolf house to introduce him around.

all of this came a little early.

"that's where i've been, all those times i came home late. or like, not at all. a full moon just passed; it was more than i could handle alone."

"huh. right in front of my nose. my roommate's a werewolf and i was necking with a vampire."

the wounds are still fresh on renjun's neck; he's bandaged them up, so they aren't exposed, but they definitely haven't healed quite yet.

"are you... okay with all of this?"

renjun appears to weigh his options.

"i always knew you were weird, jeno. i didn't expect this brand of weird, but i guess it's not surprising. this kind of shit really would only happen to you."

once the distraction of letting the werewolf out of the bag is over with, jeno finds something else is still eating at him.

he's back at johnny's. though jaemin isn't home, jeno's curled under the blankets in his bed.

jeno isn't entirely sure how—or why—he ended up here; he only knows it's comfortable, and it feels safe.

the initial shock of the night had been having to expose himself to renjun and open up. the underlying issue was what jeno had done.

it's been lingering in the back of his thoughts, and now that he has time alone to reflect on it, he can't stop himself from overthinking.

eventually jaemin comes home. thankfully, he doesn't question jeno's presence in his bed. he jumps a little when he sees jeno, but he gets over it quickly.

jaemin joins him on the bed in silence—jeno is grateful for the opportunity to collect his thoughts.

"i'm a monster."

jaemin frowns.

"i'm sure that's not true."

"there's blood on my hands. i can't reverse what happened—god, i just saw him with renjun and something came over me and i just... i jumped, and he ran, and i caught him, and i—i just kept going. until he stopped screaming. until it was over. i just had to."

jeno can't catch his breath; tears sting at his eyes.

"i killed him."

if jaemin is concerned by the information, he doesn't show it. he instead scoots closer to jeno, and gently pulls him onto his lap now that the waterworks have started.

"i killed him, jaemin. i killed a vampire."

there's soft fingers through jeno's hair, and jaemin listens with intent.

"the screaming—god, it keeps me awake at night. i can't get it out of my head. that was a person, and i fucking mauled him until he was unrecognizable. i don't know what came over me, but i couldn't stop myself until he was dead. i'm a murderer, jaemin."

finally, jaemin speaks up.

"was he hurting someone?"

"he was feeding from renjun. my roommate. he took advantage of him when he was drunk, and god, if i hadn't gotten there when i did, what would've been left of him?"

"so you saved a life. you were protecting your friend."

"but he's dead."

jeno hiccups between words, and his tears leave stains on jaemin's jeans.

"you defended a human from a vampire—he could've killed renjun, and you saved him. you at least have to give yourself credit for that."

it's not wrong enough to dispute.

"what if he had a family?"

jaemin takes a moment to answer. the soothing hands in jeno's hair are enough to stop him from actively sobbing, at least.

“almost everyone has a family. jeffery dahmer had a family. that didn't make him any better a person."

jaemin does have a point.

"it's a moral grey area; vampires are technically already dead, and they hurt the living to stay alive. even the nice ones are still drinking human blood. you certainly wouldn't be the first wolf to have a run-in with a vampire end badly, and you won't be the last."

jeno sniffs. he curls closer to jaemin's form. taking the hint, jaemin finally lies down and pulls jeno's head onto his chest.

a soothing feeling spreads through jeno's nervous system; his thoughts are still racing, but it feels a little less like the world is ending.

jeno can't remember the last time someone held him.

there's green glow-in-the-dark stars on jaemin's ceiling. something warm blooms in jeno's chest.

"am i evil? am i a bad person?"

jaemin traces feather light patterns on his skin.

"absolutely not. you got caught up trying to do the right thing, and it went a little further than you expected. is jisung a bad person for what he did to you?"

jeno sighs, shakes his head.

"it might be something you can't forget for years on end, but no matter how you cope with it, i promise it wasn't your fault. no one is mad at you. you didn't mean for it to happen, so there's nothing to blame yourself for. not when renjun is safe and breathing."

somehow, jeno isn't surprised that jaemin is so good with his words. it makes sense; he has a warm, calm energy to him. he's the human equivalent of a cozy blanket.

things aren't better, but, for now, jeno supposes they're okay.

jeno falls asleep in jaemin's arms. he wakes in them with the morning sun.

something akin to embarrassment floods his chest, mixed with an unfamiliar feeling.

jaemin holds him tightly in slumber. for the few minutes jeno allows himself to enjoy it, he's at peace.

however, he can't postpone how his bladder aches from how long he's already spent here, so carefully, he pries jaemin's arms off of him, and escapes to the bathroom.

when he's finished, jeno is caught by surprise—he certainly didn't expect to see taeil at the house so early on a sunday morning. he's in the living room watching the news, coffee cup in hand. as someone who acts like a dad to the rest of the pack, jeno supposes it isn't quite as surprising.

taeil eyes jeno curiously.

"you two are getting cozy."

it’s an observation jeno certainly isn’t prepared for. it’s not necessarily wrong, considering how often he comes to jaemin for comfort, but that’s not what taeil is referring to, and it’s something that kind of terrifies him. jeno feels a little too warm, and it’s hard to swallow.

"it's not like that. he's just... jaemin."

"mm. just jaemin?"

"...just jaemin."

jeno forces himself not to think too deeply about taeil's words. he's had more than enough crises to deal with in the past twenty-four hours.

it only hits jeno a couple weeks later—he's been stupid not to have realized it before now.

curled up against jaemin as they watch the cheesy drama of the month, jeno knows. it's an indisputable fact. the inescapable truth.

he has feelings for jaemin.

what the fuck is he supposed to do about that?

renjun wants to meet the pack.

everything goes smoothly enough when jeno finally takes him to the wolf house. no one seems too bothered by a human knowing, so long as jeno trusts him.

taeil and johnny make dinner, and everyone shares stories at the table like they've known renjun for years.

things are far easier now, jeno realizes. the energy is far from the very first time he sat at this table, when everyone tried to pick him apart with their eyes.

everyone seems to like renjun; jeno is relieved, but not overly surprised. renjun is generally a social butterfly, and it matters little to him that he sits among a pack of werewolves.

he even finds a way to tease jisung for having turned jeno, and gets everyone in on the teasing—it's all smiles and comradery, even with a stranger in their midst.

jeno lives in strange times, when he can take his best friend to meet his werewolf pack.

sometimes reality changes for the worse, but more often, it's for the better.

"you told me there wasn't a boy. you're still the worst liar, jeno-ya."

the tips of jeno's ears are hot.

"there isn't. there's no boy."

renjun rolls his eyes with full drama. he looks at jeno expectantly.

"both of you were obvious. how long have you been fucking him?"

"i—we haven't even—"

"but would you?"

god, jeno would rather be anywhere but here. in fact, he'd even rather die, to avoid this conversation.

"no! i don't know.... maybe?"

"so it is him! that jaemin boy. god, you couldn't keep your eyes off of each other. yah, what is it with young love these days?"

jeno knows his silence speaks volumes.

"so jaemin is the boy, but you're not fucking him. god, have you even made out? does he know?"

jeno's cheeks feel just as warm as his neck and ears. he shakes his head.

"you haven't even kissed him? god, jeno, you're fucking hopeless. he's so into you that it's nauseating."

this is certainly new information.

"...are you sure? you really think so?"

"which one of us picks up boys for a living?"

renjun has a point. from the number of flings he's had, he knows more than enough about boys and their interests.

"all i'm saying is, i think he's as dumb and lovesick as you. you're perfect together—neither of you can grow a pair and make the first move."

jeno has developed a habit of ending up in jaemin's bed.

it's never for anything more than to cuddle him and fall asleep in his arms, but even jeno can admit that it's pretty fucking gay. they're past the point of friends or even packmates, by now.

on the second night into his next full moon, jeno is curled onto jaemin's chest. it's routine—jaemin periodically kisses the top of his head.

there's a tiny renjun on jeno's shoulder telling him to do something about it. finally, he feels inclined to listen.

one of them has to.

"...jaemin?"

they'd fallen into a peaceful silence after another long talk about any and everything that came to their minds. it's disgustingly easy and comfortable to be with jaemin like this.

god, jeno hopes he's not wrong about this.

he props himself on his elbow to face jaemin. jaemin's hands remain on his hips. jeno's heart is in his throat.

"can i kiss you?"

jaemin looks a little taken aback by the suddenness of the request—he takes a second too long to respond, and jeno is about to back out, or maybe run all the way home and forget any of this ever happened. his thoughts race at a mile a minute.

thankfully, finally, jaemin nods.

jeno's heart is racing so fast, he's positive the entire house can hear it. he takes a deep breath to steady himself, and leans down to brush his lips against jaemin's—it's as gentle as petals when they touch. jeno takes a second to get a feel for it, and then finally presses forward to put some heart into it.

jeno takes his time—first kisses are like first impressions. you only get one chance to prove yourself, and he has to do it right.

when he's feeling brave enough, jeno pulls away and opens his eyes to gauge jaemin's reaction.

it's a leap worth taking; jaemin holds his gaze with such warmth and wonder that jeno swears he's looking at the night sky in jaemin's eyes. the real stars that twinkle and sing—far from the green glow-in-the-dark ones on jaemin's ceiling.

it's jaemin who takes the leap this time—before jeno even has a chance to close his eyes, jaemin captures his lips in another kiss.

jaemin's always chewing at his ever-chapped and dry lips, but jeno is beyond caring. god, the amount of times he's dreamed of kissing these dry, cracked lips, and he finally gets to live it. jaemin's hands travel up jeno's waist. jeno sighs softly into his mouth. it's still chaste and sweet, and it's everything jeno could ever have imagined it to be. worlds beyond it, in fact.

there are no fireworks or angels singing, but a chorus in jeno's heart. his heartstrings are like harps. his ventricles beat like a steadily rising drum.

it's just jeno and the boy he's crazy about under the moonlight.

when they finally pull apart, jeno can't help but laugh breathlessly. it's not the kiss that's stolen the air from his lungs so much as it's... jaemin. hasn't it always been jaemin?

"oh."

it's all jeno's lovesick ape brain can think, so close to jaemin like this.

jaemin looks to be in a similar state.

they forget how to form words for a few moments until their brains can catch up, but jeno doesn't mind.

"do you know how long i've been waiting to do that?"

it's cheesy, but that's jaemin. jaemin is greasy; he lays it on thick and with pride.

"big talk for a boy who never took the lead."

jaemin shuts jeno up by kissing him properly—the kind that knocks jeno back by the teeth with its force. they've both been waiting for this, and there's no reason to do anything but savour it.

jaemin chases jeno with his kiss, pulls jeno down on top of him. there's less texture, now that jaemin has wet his lips. they're softer, but jeno pays little mind to it; he's too busy searing this memory into his brain, and holding onto it as tight as he can manage. this is really it, isn't it? they're finally doing it. they've finally gotten this far.

jeno sighs into jaemin's mouth, and slides a leg over his lap so he's properly on top of him.

it's a slow, steady build—they have all the time in the world with the moon as their only audience.

jaemin's tongue is warm when it brushes along jeno's lower lip. it's even warmer inside of jeno's mouth, gentle and textured enough that it reminds jeno of how absolutely human this is. it's real, perfect in its imperfections. jaemin's hands are under his shirt with no agenda. his mouth tastes a little like the field mice he indulged in on their run earlier in the night, and jeno's palms are sweaty where they touch jaemin's skin.

there's nothing magic about kissing jaemin except how surreal the opportunity itself is. jeno thinks it comes pretty damn close to being out of this world.

they pull back, out of breath, panting into each others' mouths. jaemin's lips are swollen to twice their size and raspberry red. his hair is everywhere on his pillowcase. he's flushed. he looks at jeno like he's the only thing he knows in this world.

the only thing that matters.

he looks at jeno like this is theirs to keep. like there's no chance of throwing this away. like he's got both feet wet wading into a pool, and all that's left to do is dunk his head under.

jeno can believe in this.

in late november, it snows enough that their paws leave trails everywhere they roam. when the pack tackles each other into the fluffy white mess, it sticks to their fur and mats it. chenle and jisung make the wolf version of snow angels in a clearing. jeno is trained on a snow rabbit.

silent, he creeps closer and closer, feet steady, eyes focused on the prize. he's about to score dinner when another woodland creature runs past and ruins everything.

it seems deer isn't on the menu either.

jeno's about to chew out whoever it was that ruined his hunt, but stops himself.

stark against the snow is a flash of copper fur.

na jaemin will live to see sunrise—jeno can't risk killing him when they have a date later this evening.

it's in seoul plaza, with ice skates on their feet, that jeno and jaemin become jenoandjaemin.

together. a unit.

the waiting bothered jeno little; he knew jaemin was his the second they kissed. hell, maybe even before. all those times they held each other. when they beat each other bloody and rolled around in the dirt.

fate isn't something jeno is sure he believes in, but something about jaemin feels right. he feels permanent.

jeno is no longer afraid of the things that go bump in the night, or roam the streets and call to the moon. if it makes him a monster to be who he is and love freely without a care in the world, so be it.

he's done running, now that he's found his home.

there's nowhere to go but forward.