Chapter Text
“It’s not always like this.”
The hurried words broke Sam’s heart. Bucky was sitting in the dark in the common room, shaking, hands flexing, clenching and unclenching. He approached slowly, worried about spooking him, then sat down beside him. “Okay. But, you know, it’s okay even if it is.”
Bucky snorted. “Yeah, tell that to Stevie.”
Sam winced. He’d repeatedly told himself to speak with Steve about his trying to pretend Bucky hadn’t been a prisoner of war, brainwashed to work for HYDRA, for about 70 years. Perhaps it was time he actually did so. And it was not just what Bucky had gone through that Steve was in denial of. “Did you... have another fight with the Soldier?”
During his time as a prisoner, a split personality had emerged. They weren’t sure if it had been because of the abuse he had suffered or if HYDRA had intended it, to have a blank slate they would have an easier time controlling. Now that they were free of HYDRA and no longer on the run, the two personalities were struggling over who got how much control over the body they shared.
Bucky nodded slightly, worn out from the fight against the Soldier. “I can’t let him get the upper hand. I won’t let him take over my life again.” He was scared that, if he didn’t keep control, he would be pushed down again. It was a risk he wasn’t willing to take, not if it meant not seeing Sam again. Not that he knew. The Soldier, that asshole, knew very well and tried even harder to get control when Sam was nearby.
“Have you tried talking to Banner about it?” Sam suggested. “He has found a compromise with the Hulk, it seems.”
“It’s worth a try, I guess.”
~*~
Bruce took just one look at him, then winced. “Come on, I have a tea that will help against that headache and fatigue.”
Bucky followed him to the sitting room of the apartment he shared with Thor, silently watching as Bruce rummaged in the cabinet under the electric kettle.
“Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve drank it,” Bruce said when he finally found it and put it into one of the two cups.
“You don’t need it anymore?”
Bruce shrugged. “We’ve reached a compromise.”
“How?”
Bruce looked down into his tea. “It wasn’t easy or quick, I’m afraid. At least not to first steps.” His smile when he looked up was pained, full of compassion. “You need to accept that it’s his body as well and that you both want and have a right to it.”
Bucky reared back. “No, no I can’t. He’s... he’s...”
“A monster?” Bruce finished for him. “Yeah, I’ve thought that about the Hulk for years. Turns out that I was causing part of the problems by only letting him out in highly stressful, dangerous situations, so he didn’t exactly get the chance to learn how to properly, peacefully interact with others.”
Bucky still looked doubtful. “I can’t just let him out. I mean, how can I be sure he’ll let me back in control?”
Bruce just nodded. “You’re right, you can’t. But the thing is, when I finally started communicating with the Hulk, it turned out that he was being so pushy because he, too, was afraid he’d never get control over our body again if he let me back in control. That’s what I meant when I said that you both a right to your body. It’s yours but it’s his as well.” He smiled. “Try finding a way for your to communicate, I mean it. The Hulk is much more ready to switch with me at my request, now that he knows it won’t be the last time he’s allowed control.”
“How did-?” Bucky stopped, hands tightening on the arms of the armchair he was sitting in when he felt the Soldier push for control.
“Go ahead, let him,” Bruce encouraged. “He won’t hurt me.” His smile was hard, surprisingly ruthless. “I’m sure he knows better than to try facing the Hulk.”
Bucky gasped, then suddenly stiffened. He said up straight, looking Bruce in the face. “You are correct, I have no intention of attacking you.”
“You’re the Winter Soldier?” Bruce asked, wanting to make sure. “Or do you prefer another name?”
He paused, considering the question. “I do not mind being called Soldier. Or you can call me James.”
Bruce inclined his head. “Okay.” He was thankful for Tony in that moment. His friend was the one who had started him on the way of accepting the Hulk. It was a pity for Barnes that Tony, quite understandably, preferred to keep his distance. “Could you hear our conversation?” The Hulk, he had later learned, had been able to and had finally even agreed to teach him how.
“I could. I am amenable to working on a compromise with Barnes.”
Something occurred to Bruce at his easy acceptance, so contrary to the fight Bucky had obviously expect him to put up. Perhaps there were far more parallels between the Soldier and the Hulk than they had all thought. “You’ve been protecting him, haven’t you?” he asked quietly. “You’ve faced the dangerous situations for him, so he doesn’t have to. And now that you’re safe, you want to share the peace.”
James’ eyes flickered to the side, uncomfortable at having his motives read so clearly. “Yes.” At least he hadn’t been able to guess which moments in particular he wanted to experience or at least share.
“If you let him back in control, I will pass it on to Bucky. You’ll have to figure out the details to your compromise between yourselves but I’ll strongly suggest he give it a try.”
James didn’t reply, instead stepping back and pushing Bucky to the forefront again.
Bucky looked around, startled to find himself back in control so quickly and easily. “What did he do?”
“He wanted to let you know that he is willing to compromise, to not fight you for control over your body.”
Bucky couldn’t help being suspicious. “Just like that?”
Bruce shrugged. “He has faced the danger and torture for you, now he wants to be able to experience the peace as well,” he passed on.
Bucky opened his mouth to argue but then had to stop. He wasn’t completely wrong, he had to admit. After a few years of captivity, he had been asleep most of the time, the Soldier having taken over. He’d never considered what he must have gone through in that time. He nodded reluctantly. “I guess.”
“Perhaps Sam can help the two of you work out your compromise,” Bruce suggested. “Part of his training as a counsellor probably involved moderating disagreements.”
“The Soldier’s gonna love that,” Bucky muttered.
“Hm? What do you mean? Does he not like Sam?”
“I don’t know. But he’s always extra pushy when he’s around.”
Oh. Oh! Now wasn’t this interesting. He felt the Hulk’s schadenfreude and chided him gently, reminding them of their own struggle when they’d each been trying to see if Thor was interested and constantly getting into each other’s way. “He seems straightforward,” he said out loud. “I’m sure if he had something against Sam or meant him harm, you would know about it already.” He got up and went to a shelf with books. “I can lend a book that helped us a lot.”
Bucky accepted it, then did a double-take when he saw the title. “Polyamory?”