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His reputation as a man-hater had been well-deserved. Shiro had been the only one he had allowed somewhere near him and even that only out of convenience at school. Instead he had spent most of his free time with girls, having sex with them to regulate his temperature, never interested in anything more than casual sex.
And then he had learned that Shiro was in love with him, that he himself had been sleepwalking, going to spend the night with Shiro, that Shiro wasn’t a monkey but a madararui, a wolf. Turned out that Shiro had been his first love, the boy who had saved his life back in middle school, the one everyone had thought he’d just hallucinated.
Thinking back, it was surprising that Shiro was still interested in staying by his side, never mind dating him, after how he’d treated him over the years, the abuse he’d heaped on him. His arms tightened around Shiro. The idea of him leaving, of giving up on him, on them, sent shivers of threat down his spine.
He smiled slightly when Shiro, still asleep, shifted so more of their skin was touching when he felt the shiver. Even in sleep, he was taking care of him, offering his warmth.
Yonekuni rubbed his cheek against Shiro’s hair, wanting to spread his scent, to warn away every challenger. It was a recent thing that they were close enough again for him to do so. It was his own fault, he knew. He’ d wasted so much time, pushing Shiro away, because he had been scared that Shiro didn’t really love him but instead the sleeping him, that other part of himself he couldn’t quite remember.
Luckily for him, Kunimasa had finally lost patience and told him to make a choice, either he wanted him or he didn’t. He’d rightfully pointed out that he couldn’t expect Shiro to wait forever, that it was pure chance (for him, not Shiro) that he’d been as forgiving and loyal in all that time.
No way was he giving up his first love. So he had finally, finally got over himself to do what he needed to to get Shiro into his arms and bed again. Shiro had been hesitant at first – his fault, he knew – but when he had finally reached for him in return... Yonekuni shifted to press even closer against Shiro, though that was hardly possible. It had been amazing, better even than that night that had broken the spell Shiro’s parents had placed on him. The warmth Shiro’s love offered him was still suffusing him.
No, he would never give this up. It might be very different from what he had imagined his future to be like – a free, unattached heavy-seed, spreading his seed without any personal responsibility for the mother or child – but the future he could slowly see forming, with Shiro as his partner, was so much better.
~*~
“I never knew it could be this way,” Shiro murmured, taking care not to wake Yonekuni. Waking up in his arms seemed like a dream and he still couldn’t shake the fear that he would wake up, that Yonekuni would wake and have changed his mind.
More than once he had considered stepping away, giving up on a relationship with Yonekuni after the night they had spent together with Yonekuni being awake, the one that had returned his memories of being a madararui to him. The distance Yonekuni had put between them had made him believe that he regretted it. It was only because of Kunimasa’s, Shinobu’s and even Hiromasa’s confidence that Yonekuni was just confused and surprised but ultimately interested that he had stayed.
Now he was thankful that he had done so. Yonekuni had finally sought him out, had opened up about the confusion and, unexpectedly for Shiro, the doubts and insecurities he felt.
Shiro curled up against him again, tenderly making sure that he was covered properly and would not get cold during the night. Perhaps they had a future after all.