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2019-10-22
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Gone

Summary:

Roy is busy restructuring the military and doesn't realize how little attention he's paying to his lover.

Work Text:

August 12th

Roy sighed heavily as he hung up his coat and toed off his shoes. A glance at the clock showed it was a lot later than he had intended. He had promised Ed he would be home at a decent hour for once. Unfortunately, the banquet had lasted a lot longer than he hoped. Knowing better than to wake his young, temperamental lover, Roy took a quick shower and headed to the guest room. He'd make it up to Ed that coming weekend. A nice dinner out and a round or two of sex would calm whatever ire Ed felt. It always did.

* * *

August 15th

Some days Roy felt like he was running in place. Other days he knew he was on the right track. Today was one of the former. Actually, most of the past month had felt like that. Fuhrer Grumman was a good man and pretty progressive, but many of the generals left after taking down Bradley and his regime were paranoid and that made it hard to get them to accept change. Roy hated all the schmoozing he had to do but these parties were a necessary evil. He wished he could blow them off as easily as Ed did.
Of course, it was also a bit easier without Ed there since he tended to rub many the wrong way (not that Roy would ever tell Ed that again). As much as he loved the former Fullmetal Alchemist, he was a little socially inept. Roy glanced into the master bedroom and sighed at how sprawled out Ed was. He didn't feel up to trying to squeeze into the space left, much less waking Ed and risking being up even later, so he headed to the guest room. Roy slipped under the blankets and turned over into his side. He missed Ed's warmth but at least he could get some sleep.

* * *

August 17th

Roy grimaced as his alarm went off. He felt like he hadn't gotten any rest at all. Normally he took Sundays off and spent them with Ed, sometimes doing chores, sometimes running errands, sometimes never leaving the bed. Unfortunately, today he had to go into the office. He had a large pile of paperwork to deal with before Hawkeye lost all pretense of patience and shot him. He briefly thought about peeking in on Ed, who must have slept in the guest room so as not to disturb him. No, probably better to let him rest. He'd just have to make sure he came back in time for dinner.

* * *

August 22nd

Roy huffed with annoyance as he hung up the phone. He'd tried four times now to get a hold of Ed. General Regina Sande was eager to talk about the Ishval rebuilding efforts. Looking at the time, he stood and pulled on his jacket. He needed to leave now if he planned on making it to the restaurant on time.

* * *

August 23rd

Roy groaned as he slowly rolled out of bed. His head was throbbing and his stomach was making dire threats of emptying itself so over the floor. He gingerly got to his feet and stumbled to the bathroom. He grabbed some aspirin from the medicine cabinet and washed them down with some tap water. A long shower later, he was feeling more human. He was never drinking with General Sande again. The woman was obviously immune to alcohol.

He dressed and headed downstairs, hoping his lover had taken pity on him and made breakfast. He stepped into the kitchen but it was empty. He checked the library next but it was empty, as well. Confused (and slightly annoyed) he went back upstairs. Maybe Ed had slept in the guest room again?

A feeling of unease began to grow as Roy carefully checked every room of his house. It wasn't until he re-checked their bedroom that he realized why he felt uneasy. The photo of Ed, Alphonse and their parents was missing from the dresser. Roy threw open the closet. All of Ed's clothes were gone. He rushed back down to the library. Ed's notebooks were gone. He was about to call Hawkeye and tell her Ed was missing when he spotted a small envelope in the desk.

Roy's heart shattered as he pulled out the single sheet of paper and read it.

Roy,
I left you a plate in the fridge. I don't know when you'll be home from your meetings but I thought you might be hungry when you eventually did. I don't know what to say, to be honest. I don't want this to be some sort of guilt trip, because I always knew this wouldn't last. I guess I just hoped we would have longer. I wish I knew how to make you happy. I hate that you feel like you can't come back to your own house because I'm there.

I'm going to go visit Al and Winry and then figure out what I want to do next. I left your spare key with Hawkeye.

E.E.

* * *

Havok, Fuery, Falman and Breda jumped in surprise as Roy slammed open the office door and stomped inside. Hawkeye merely raised an eyebrow at him. Roy slammed the letter down on her desk.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" he demanded.

Hawkeye sighed softly and opened her top drawer, grabbing the key and placing it on the letter. "Do you know when Ed left?"

Roy grimaced, unable to answer.

Hawkeye have him a stern look. "Three days ago, sir."

"Wait! The boss left? Where did he go?" Havok asked.

"Does it matter?" Hawkeye asked.

"But why would he leave without telling anyone?" Breda asked.

"Because he wasn't happy," she answered stiffly, her eyes boring into Roy's. "He's lonely and tired of being alone. So, he left. I helped him pack and store his few belongings, drove him to the station and saw him off. He spent a day in Resembool with Alphonse and Winry, then he left for Xing."

"Why the hell didn't he say anything?" Roy demanded. "We're supposed to be in a relationship! He... he just left? He left me?"

Hawkeye raised one eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. "You barely spoke to him for weeks. You slept in separate rooms. You have been going out almost every night. Without him but with others, might I add. You don't have a relationship anymore. You left him long before he left you."

Roy dropped down into the chair beside her desk. Ed left because he thought Roy what? Didn't want him anymore? Was too busy? Roy's stomach churned. Did Ed think he had cheated on him? But he loves Ed! Ed is his everything!

Hawkeye sighed and sat down in her chair. "Sir... Roy... You put everything above him, convinced he would just wait in the background until you remembered he was still there. After everyone else left, after all the times he was ignored or disregarded or abandoned, he just could not do it again. He could not put his life on hold and hope for small scraps of affection. Let him go. Let him be happy."

"But I love him," Roy mumbled dejectedly.

"Not as much as you love you career. Not as much as your ambition," she pointed out. "Not as much as he deserves."

* * *

(2 Years Later)

Roy ordered another round of drinks for the group and leaned against the bar to wait. While he was waiting he scanned the room, more out of habit than because he was expecting to see anyone he knew. In fact, other than his team, he didn't really know too many people. He'd become something of a hermit and an even worse workaholic. If he wasn't in his office or attending meetings, he was in his study working through files for the next day. He wouldn't be here tonight if Riza hadn't insisted he come.

The bartender slid the drinks toward him and Roy picked up the tray. He turned to walk back to their table when a flash of gold caught his eye. He craned his neck to get a better look just as the guy turned to the side. Roy's heart thudded as he drank in the sight of high cheekbones, smirking lips and molten gold eyes. He swallowed nervously as he set the tray back down, uncaring about the potential loss of the drinks, and began weaving his way through the throng of people. He tried to think of something suave to say, some witty greeting to break the ice, but all he could think was 'please don't turn me away'.

He was only about five feet away when Ed noticed his approach. Roy froze in place as they locked eyes. For a long, tense couple of seconds Ed's face was blank. Then, much to Roy's relief, a tentative smile lifted the corners of his former lover's lips. Ed tilted his head toward the door and Roy nodded before changing direction and leading the way. He held the door open for Ed and the two of them stepped out into the cool evening air.

Ed seemed to hesitate a moment before turning to face him. "Hello, Roy."

Roy licked his lips and smiled slightly. "I, uh, hadn't heard that you were back in Central."

Ed rubbed the back of his neck, looking awkward. "Um, yeah. I got back a week ago."

"You look good," Roy told him, taking in the dark slacks and jacket over a white button up shirt. "I don't think I've ever seen you in a suit."

Ed chuckled briefly. "Not a big fan of them, but I had an interview this morning."

"Interview? For what?"

There was a gleam of pride in Ed's. "I just got hired by the university. I'll be teaching in the alchemical studies department."

Roy whistled in appreciation. "That's very impressive." He cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling apprehensive about his next question. "Does that mean you are moving back?"

Ed stated at him for several seconds. "I am."

Roy chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds, struggling to think of something to say, some way to convey how incredibly sorry he was, how much he had missed Ed, of how much he still loved him.

Ed stared intently at Roy for a few seconds. Roy wasn't sure what Ed was looking for, but he felt like he was laid bare. “It can't be like it was before,” Ed said softly. He took a step closer to Roy. “You can't look at me like that and then go back to how things were before,” he warned.

Roy's breath was caught in his chest and he closed the distance between them. “I've done nothing but wait,” he swore. “I'll keep waiting if I have to. I've missed you so much, Ed. I'm so sorry. I was an idiot. I'm not an idiot, anymore. I lost you once. I won't risk that again.”

A tender smile spread across Ed's face. He raised one hand and cupped Roy's jaw gently. “I'm back, now,” he promised.