Chapter Text
11.44pm
Choke me daddy logged on!
Choke me daddy: Today's conversation starter: Nostalgia
11.45pm
4 users logged on!
Wolverine: some of yall have never sprinted from the kitchen to the living room n vaulting over couches while keeping drink within the cup because the show is starting and ur sibling is shouting "ITS OOOOOONNNN" and it fucking shows
No eyes Horse dragon: cant they just pause that shit???
Tiki tak on the glock: kamui u ignorant slut
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: W H E E Z E
Wolverine: r yall seeing this shit
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: "pause that shit" WAT A FUCKING JOKE LMAO
No eyes Horse dragon: ???
Tiki tak on the glock: we didnt have netflix we cant fucking pause a show
No eyes Horse dragon: u mean on tv???
Wolverine: sis what else m i talking about
No eyes Horse dragon: i thought u meant youtube
No eyes Horse dragon: my bad
Wolverine: kamui which part of "living room" do u watch youtube on with ur siblings
11.56pm
Choke me daddy added Kiran.O into Shape of Sewers!
Wolverine: WHOMST
Kiran.O: How do you do, fellow animal scientists
Tiki tak on the glock: kiran?
Kiran.O: Hi Keaton, hi Tiki
Choke me daddy: Good you kids know each other
Kiran.O: your username threw me in a loop Professor Caineghis
Choke me daddy: Very good
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: thx i came up with it
Wolverine: kiran arent you a programming-business student
Kiran.O: NOT ANYMORE
Kiran.O: HEADMASTER LIF APPROVED MY TRANSFERRAL
Kiran.O: IM A MARINE BIOLOGY STUDENT NOW
Kiran.O: SAVE 👏👏 THE MOTHERFUCKIN 👏👏 TURTLES
Tiki tak on the glock: congratulations
Wolverine: great kiran transferred and theyre a vsco kid
Kiran.O: no i just love turtles
No eyes Horse dragon: how was the transferral exams?
Kiran.O: i aced it
12.03pm
Choke me daddy changed Kiran.O's name to Cryptozoologist!
Wolverine: gods throwback to when ppl were woke about big foot
Wolverine: they all unreal
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: unreal?
Cryptozoologist: Say sike right now
Wolverine: s
No eyes Horse dragon: just say it keat
Wolverine: s
Wolverine: skunk apes aint real like how bigfoot aint
12.07pm
Wolverine logged off!
Choke me daddy: Are you saying you're not real Keaton
12.07pm
Wolverine logged on!
Wolverine: what
Cryptozoologist: i cant fucking believe keaton is a skunk ape
Tiki tak on the glock: no hes a dire wolf
No eyes Horse dragon: too realistic
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: hes a fucking chupacabra
Tiki tak on the glock: ah
No eyes Horse dragon: the yeti bc keat is so damn hairy
Cryptozoologist: a fucking wendigo
Wolverine: 
Choke me daddy: A hogzilla
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: jmsjsndksjbdkd fb hog zilla
No eyes Horse dragon: oof i see it
Tiki tak on the glock: theyre real too
Wolverine: 
12.13pm
Choke me daddy changed Wolverine's name to Hogzilla🐗🐗!
No eyes Horse dragon: jJahdjdhdjsjdkjajd prof esor
Hogzilla🐗🐗: this is bullying and i will not tolerate this bullshit
Tiki tak on the glock: silence bottom
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: j
Cryptozoologist: keaton is a bottom pass it on
Hogzilla🐗🐗: im not a bottom
No eyes Horse dragon: aint what sis camilla told me
Cryptozoologist: .
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: kamui i cant blieve camilla a furry fucker
Tiki tak on the glock: kamui how dare u make me read that with my own eyes
No eyes Horse dragon: actually sis doesnt even have to tell me
No eyes Horse dragon: they arent exactly quiet at night
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: gods is this what living with your siblings is like
Cryptozoologist: keaton is dead quiet
Cryptozoologist: i think u put him down
Tiki tak on the glock: and he shall stay down
Hogzilla🐗🐗: prove it corn
No eyes Horse dragon: Are you challenging me?
Hogzilla🐗🐗: wait fuck
Hogzilla🐗🐗: no
No eyes Horse dragon: [ Video: It's clearly in the middle of the night. Muffled, but loud slamming can be heard consistently throughout the video. The camera pans to Kamui's face, looking very annoyed. Suddenly, a "YES MORE MISTRESS" is heard. Kamui's eyes widened as she inhaled sharply, whispering an "Oh the gods". The video is then cut off when she rises from the bed. ]
Cryptozoologist: the autopsy report has been updated
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: everything u say can and will b held against u
Hogzilla🐗🐗: .
12.24pm
Hogzilla🐗🐗 logged off!
Choke me daddy: I think that's a little too far, kamui
No eyes Horse dragon: u know wat
No eyes Horse dragon: i think so too
No eyes Horse dragon: wait camilla just had a call
No eyes Horse dragon: oh gods oh fu
12.26pm
No eyes Horse dragon logged off!
Cryptozoologist: nooooo sisterrrr
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: she had it coming with how she thought u can pause the tv back in 2010
Tiki tak on the glock: when threatened, pets, especially dogs, would go to their caretakers for comfort
Cryptozoologist: wait tiki
Cryptozoologist: TIKI
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: j
Tiki tak on the glock: but m i wrong?
Choke me daddy: Alright kids let's straighten the kinks here please
Cryptozoologist: i looked through the members list
Cryptozoologist: gerome and aversa are here
Cryptozoologist: theyre both in fashion diplomas y r they here
Choke me daddy: Only non science students in the Reptile Appreciation Club
Cryptozoologist: “Only non science students”
Cryptozoologist: m i a joke u yall
Tiki tak on the glock: technically yes
Tiki tak on the glock: bc u just transferred this semester
Cryptozoologist: ah
Cryptozoologist: if they have been here since semester 1 why wasnt i added to this chat
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: UH
Choke me daddy: I’m not the one in charge of the Reptile Appreciation Club
Tiki tak on the glock: im one of those in charge but my rights was revoked after the Watermelon Tragedy
Cryptozoologist: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WATERMELON TRAGEDY
Tiki tak on the glock: an incident that made the full time professors revoke my rights 2 weeks after the creation of this chat
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: a tragedy of manliness
Choke me daddy: I was not there so I can’t say much
Cryptozoologist: SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WATERMELON TRAGEDY
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: so u know how the botany diploma planted too many watermelons n they did not know what to do with it last semester
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: so they ended up distributing two watermelons to us so we could feed the animals in Appreciation Clubs
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: but most crechers here cant eat watermelons so we ended up using them for training bc they were pretty big watermelons
Cryptozoologist: there were extra watermelon and u can eat them but yall decided to use them for training
Tiki tak on the glock: we had to make use of what we have
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: tiki came online during training one day and she started roasting the hell outta duma
Tiki tak on the glock: butts for chin
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: duma was doing squats with watermelon n he was so angry at the roasts he accidentally crushed the watermelon
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: only after that did we find out that the chefs in the food court were running low on fruits and we just crushed what they need
Tiki tak on the glock: we all didnt know what to do so i made a funeral for the watermelon
Cryptozoologist: a what
Tiki tak on the glock: a funeral
Tiki tak on the glock: in the school gym
Tiki tak on the glock: we tried to invite as many people as we could within this chat but nailah came in and tore the funeral down and gave us all a scolding
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: tiki specifically
Tiki tak on the glock: me especially
Tiki tak on the glock: bc i started the entire thing and organised a whole fucking funeral for a fruit
Tiki tak on the glock: and so panne revoked my rights
Cryptozoologist: i
Choke me daddy: Ah
Cryptozoologist: y m i surprised i should have expected this
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: i was there for everything and the experience was amazing
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: u should have came kiran
Cryptozoologist: i would have gone to pay my respects but i was not added to the chat
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: what a fucking killjoy
Cryptozoologist: I WAS NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY
Tiki tak on the glock: watch what you send tibarn
Tiki tak on the glock: if u make kiran cry grima will come after u
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: isnt he ur cousin
Tiki tak on the glock: if u make kiran cry and grima comes after u i will join him bc kiran is actually a pretty cool buddy
Cryptozoologist: im not going to cry dont worry
Cryptozoologist: invite me to any funerals next time
Tiki tak on the glock: no promises
Choke me daddy: I was thinking of giving you back your admin Tiki
Choke me daddy: But Panne just glared at me across the office so I’m not going to
Tiki tak on the glock: wait what
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: how the fuck
Cryptozoologist: “Spoopy Spapy Spepepon” -Claude von Riegan, 2019, getting chased by Steve in the Abundance Hill Park
Choke me daddy: Kiran I have no fucking idea how to read that
Cryptozoologist: me too but it sounded catchy
Tiki tak on the glock: spoopy spapy spepepon is now my go-to Annoy Duma sentence
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: i went beyond monkey brain reading that
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: i went into coelacanth brain
Tiki tak on the glock: it’s real coelacanth hours
Cryptozoologist: COELACANTH BRAIN
Cryptozoologist: BEYOND MONKEY BRAIN
Cryptozoologist: TIBARN COELACANTHS ARE STILL FUCKING ALIVE RIGHT NOW
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: WAIT WHO THE FUCK IS STEVE
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: WHY WERE THEY INT HE ABUNDANCE HILL PARK
Choke me daddy: Oh right two students were stuck in the abundance hill park and Professor Eisner mentioned that they were chased by a monster
Cryptozoologist: steve is not a monster dont be mean
Cryptozoologist: why would professor byleth say such a thing about steve
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: WHO THE FUCK IS STEVE
Cryptozoologist: steve is a crecher we came across on one of our many cryptid hunts
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: WE? OUR?
Tiki tak on the glock: First time?
Tiki tak on the glock: they meant them and grima dumbass
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: H U H
Cryptozoologist: the more i look at that ‘huh’ i cant help but think squinted eyes with a really wide smile
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION KIRAN WHO THE FUCK IS STEVE N HOW R U NOT DEAD YET
Cryptozoologist: Steve is our rebellious reptile son (///uwu///)
Choke me daddy: Your what
Cryptozoologist: Our rebellious son going through his reptilian phase
Tiki tak on the glock: isnt it supposed to be the other way round
Cryptozoologist: no
Cryptozoologist: but all claude and peri did was wake him up from his nap so he was fussy
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: one case closes but another opens
Cryptozoologist: [Steve the Wild Demonic Beast Fire Emblem sleeping like a lizard . Picture is taken from high up on a tree. ]
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: read my previous message kiran
Tiki tak on the glock: i
Choke me daddy: How are you not dead yet Kiran
Cryptozoologist: Steve would never hurt me!!
Cryptozoologist: I feed him roaches daily!!
Tiki tak on the glock: kiran that does not assure me any more
Cryptozoologist: where r my fellow reptile appreciation club members who r not tiki @It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors @ 👵👵👵👵🦇👨
12.50pm
2 users logged on!
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: a good sleepy boi
👵👵👵👵🦇👨: leave him alone yall let him sleep
Choke me daddy: There has got to be a reason to why I hate Gerome's username
👵👵👵👵🦇👨 : no this is a fucking amazing name
Tiki tak on the glock: stop trying to change the topic kiran
The mighty eagle from Angry Birds movie: im about to fucking cry what the fuck is going on
👵👵👵👵🦇👨: dont u dare slander steve in our presence
Choke me daddy: Wait you two know Steve
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: steve is my precious rebellious nephew going through his reptilian phase
👵👵👵👵🦇👨: im his neighbour whose fridge is always raided by him
Cryptozoologist: we r a happy famiwy uwu
Tiki tak on the glock: every texts we stray further from the gods
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: but tiki u r the high income no-kids lesbian aunt
It’s me Cia Hyrule Warriors: like me, your high income no-kids lesbian cousin
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: we r a happy family
The mighty eagles from Angry Birds movie: im fucking tearing up how did it all come to this
👵👵👵👵🦇👨: lmao keaton the hogzilla
The mighty eagles from Angry Birds movie: it all started with kiran barelling in where did we go wrong
👵👵👵👵🦇👨: y r u acting like kirans dad trying to emotionally manipulate kiran into being obediant
Cryptozoologist: lmao accurate
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: wait kiran no
It's me Cia Hyrule Warriors: KIRAN
Tiki tak on the glock: every passing second my hand hovers above the uninstall button for this app
Choke me daddy: First time?
1.05pm
Angery bun mom🐰 logged on!
Angery bun mom🐰: GET THE FUCK BACK GO CLASS ALL OF YOU
6 users logged on!