Chapter Text
03.10
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: anyone up
Charli D’Amelio: yeah whats up
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: remember when the group pinned message became “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”
Luka x Miku Lovechild: GODDESS LMAOOO
The original: Takes me back 😌
If she breathes shes a thot: BRO WHAT THE FUCK
The remix: lmao of course i remember, i was the one who took you home
If she breathes shes a thot: CLAUDE I THOUGHT U WERE BAE
If she breathes shes a thot: turns out you’re just fam
All you wanna do <3: I don’t know what happened, tell me.
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: OH GODDESS ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED PLUME
Luka x Miku Lovechild: im in the kitchen making popcorn right now gimme 2 more minutes
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: no im gonna start right now
If she breathes shes a thot: BITCH
Momcedes: I didn’t hear of this as well! We just woke up to see Sylvain about to leave, but he made too much noise trying to find the keys to unlock the door…
The original: You ever failed so badly? You end up waking the entire dorm trying to find the fucking keys?
Momcedes: Please tell us about how “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”
Charli D’Amelio: sylvain?
Momcedes: Dedue is currently holding him down in the Horny Baby Jail.
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: mercie, how do u feel about this picture?
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: 
Luka x Miku Lovechild: ew claude im still making popcorn
The remix: had eaten, would eat again, 10/10, would recommend to my family if they’re still alive.
Momcedes: Everyone except Dimitri gagged at it…
Charli D’Amelio: wait even sylvain???
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: huh
Momcedes: Yes, it appears he does not like it.
The Original: Alright, apparently drunk sylvain is different from sober sylvain
All you wanna do <3: sorry yall i just went to chase a bird off my kitchen what did i miss
Luka x Miku Lovechild: PLUMIE<<<<<333333 YOU DIDNT MISS ANYTHING
All you wanna do <3: oh a spaghetti cake
All you wanna do <3: peony made that once and it actually taste really good
Charli D’Amelio: WHAT
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: WH
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: DROP THE RECIPE SIS
All you wanna do <3: tell me the Drunk Sylvain story and i’ll get you the recipe by 9am
Luka x Miku Lovechild: deal
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: alright so last year after enrolling into college, sylvain got drunk
All you wanna do <3: oh mood
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: the entire Blue Lions were blowing up the phones of literally everyone they know to find sylvain
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: bc ya know
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: he hadnt been seen after the first day
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: not even at midnight or something
All you wanna do <3: ? so how did people find him??
The remix: he texted this group
All you wanna do <3: oh?
The remix: he went “YALL IM OUT WITH THE BOYS”
The original: But his Boys were at home.
All you wanna do <3: goddess
03.48
Y/N logged on!
Y/N: goddess why are you guys awake
Charli D’Amelio: remember when the group pinned message became “Drunk Sylvain would eat this cake”?
Y/N: YES I DO
Momcedes: Please continue the story.
Y/N: actually, i have the entire conversation screenshotted and saved
Luka x Miku Lovechild: WAIT REALLY
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: DAMN SIS
Charli D’Amelio: pwease;;;; the picss;;
Y/N: [Screenshots]
21.31
If she breathes shes a thot: im having ice cream cake with wine, bye bye liver
If she breathes shes a thot: he has too many braincells and hes bout to get replaced after tomorrow
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: cake?
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: dude just get the braincells from linhardt
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: we already established that dude has multiple braincells
If she breathes shes a thot: nooooooo hes thinking like 99% caspar
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: what happened to the other 1%
Y/N: we stole them and share them within each other and now sylvain fucking misplaced it
If she breathes shes a thot: if i get drunk do u think my Boys will get anger
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: yes
Y/N: yes
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: yell heah boi
If she breathes shes a thot: udfhak
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: so would u eat that cake
Y/N: looks promising
If she breathes shes a thot: ew
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: smh sylvain too spoilt to know good food
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: only Tiny Ice Cream Spheres
Y/N: yuri those are fucking dippin dots and they taste like the goddess’s tiddy milk
If she breathes shes a thot: someone mention tiddy milk
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: that was so much hetero in that one text goddess
If she breathes shes a thot: oh no guys im Soo drunk i Dunno how to get Home
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: where r u dude
If she breathes shes a thot: tower of heaven
Y/N: why are you drinking alcohol in the Tower of Heaven????
If she breathes shes a thot: idk mayb there might be some peeps who wanna see my Tower of Heaven
Y/N: ew
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: why couldnt u have shown it to felix instead
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: bro tone down the straight
If she breathes shes a thot: im out with my bois tho
Y/N: INGIE FELIX AND DIMITRI ARE AT HOME????
If she breathes shes a thot: THEN WHO THE FUUCK IS WITH ME
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: wheres the Tower of Heaven, im getting his drunk ass
If she breathes shes a thot: i feel like steve austin
If she breathes shes a thot: if anyone in the tower of heaven hear cacklin im not sorry
If she breathes shes a thot: also im not sylvain
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: then who the fuck are you
If she breathes shes a thot: im leon
Y/N: you’re who now
If she breathes shes a thot: i got renamed by a talking goat
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: man im feeling bad for the security dude in charge of the surveillance camera tonight
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: sylvain gonna be looking like the fresno nightwalkers
If she breathes shes a thot: yah and half naked
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: new cryptids of Zenith
Y/N: only you or you AND “your bois”
If she breathes shes a thot: the bbbbbbbooooooooooooooiiiiiiisissssss
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: further evidence of sylvain being actual fresno nightcrawlers
If she breathes shes a thot: this aint sylvain this leon
If she breathes shes a thot: also im in the goddess damned pool
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦:
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: how yall be looking in the surveillance
If she breathes shes a thot: help were in the wolfff
If she breathes shes a thot: *pool
Y/N: drink the water
Y/N: you’re fine
Y/N: drink all that pool water for hungover cure
If she breathes shes a thot: imma head back
If she breathes shes a thot: wheres home
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: stay wherever the fuck you are im coming to get you
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me but when they do they gon be surprised: im stuck at the traffic
If she breathes shes a thot: time to find my allocated driver
If she breathes shes a thot: does claude have a car
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: no im not 18 yet i cant drive
If she breathes shes a thot: steal a car and drive here
Y/N: how desperate are you to see the goddess
If she breathes shes a thot: to succ her tiddy milk?
If she breathes shes a thot: i see a car pulling up wha th is
Y/N: that’s just yuri
If she breathes shes a thot: why is there a lesbian driving me home
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: “WHY IS TEHRE A LESBIAN DRIVING ME HOME”
Y/N: sylvain no that’s Yuri Leclerc, resident pretty boy
If she breathes shes a thot: hell no im not getting fucking murdered
If she breathes shes a thot: hope carol baskin knows sign language bc the only thing she sees will be these hands
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: YURI A LESBIAN IM
22.02
If she breathes shes a thot logged off!
Y/N: hes died
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me yet but when they do they gon be surprised: he vaulted over a table and hit his head when he fell and knocked out
Day 23 in the chamber, they aint found me yet but when they do they gon be surprised: im taking this dumbass to the hospital now
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: hes meditating gays
Y/N: hes died
All you wanna do <3: i felt like i just watched an episode of brooklyn 99
Charli D’Amelio: damn we weren’t even in the chat but yuri told me all that during our makeup session before last year’s play
The original: and that’s how me and niles got added to this chat
All you wanna do <3: incredible
Momcedes: Interesting…
Luka x Miku Lovechild: and then we decided to add mercie in this chat <33
Papi great prince🦌 of forest 👅 💦💦: finally a voice of reason
The remix: but also because mercie knows the Law and we needed her so we can fuck shit up and not get caught
Momcedes: The Blue Lions have decided to not only banish Sylvain to the Horny Baby Jail, but also to ban him from eating pancakes for a week!
Y/N: DAmn thats harsh
All you wanna do <3: rip sylvain’s pancake obsession
The remix: not gonna lie im craving that good spaghetti cake now tho
All you wanna do <3: im waiting for peony to wake for that recipe
All you wanna do <3: be patient
The remix: thx sis
Momcedes: But why did you screenshot the entire conversation, Dorothea?
Y/N: good fanfic material for bernie <3
The remix: dm me i wanna see my little girl
The remix:
thank you
All you wanna do <3: wait but spaghetti cake was only mentioned briefly
The Original: Yes, but when he woke up in the hospital, he was craving nothing but the cake
Charli D'Amelio: drunk sylvain different from sober sylvain :(