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Marinette made a sympathetic noise as soon as she saw Nino stumble into her shop. She put her papers down and pushed them aside on her desk, beckoning her poor friend to sit in front of her, to which he complied easily.
“Rough morning?” Marinette asked as she got up to pour a cup of coffee for Nino.
He took off his cap and plucked off a couple of leaves that were caught on it. “You have no idea,” he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.
She placed the cup in front of him and he shot her a grateful smile. “Goose Noir?”
He groaned and slumped in defeat in his chair. “Goose Noir.”
Goose Noir was their neighbourhood goose. No one knew where he came from or where he went, but everyone agreed on one thing: he was a horrible, horrible goose.
It didn’t matter who you were or what you were doing; if Goose Noir started targeting you, then your day was bound to take a turn for the worst. It made for traumatizing days for the victims, but free entertainment for their friends... until they were targeted next.
Marinette was lucky enough to have never caught the awful bird’s ire.
“I can tell you were not spared today,” Marinette said, her lips twitching in amusement as she looked him up and down.
There were still stray leaves in his hair. His red cap was starting to look more brown than red, and the poor guy was covered in dirt. While the left side of his pants were caked with mud, the other was dripping wet, and his boot laces were sopping and undone.
All in all, Nino looked like a mess.
He rolled his eyes as he caught her eyes twinkling in mirth. “The dude was particularly horrible today.”
She leaned against the wall. “Have you gone to see Alya yet?”
“Uh, no,” he deadpanned. “I’d like to keep my pride intact for a bit, thank you.”
Marinette’s smile widened. “Oh good! How about we head over to her workplace together? I haven’t seen her today yet either.”
She watched as Nino sighed and reluctantly got up, then picked up the cup in front of him to down its content, only to find it empty. She blinked innocently at him, smiling serenely.
“You,” Nino said as he pointed a finger at her, “are as bad as Goose Noir. If you weren’t standing right in front of me right now, I’d say you were his partner in crime.”
Marinette laughed as he left the cup on the desk. She then hooked her arm with his, and proceeded to make their way out of her shop. “Now you’re just insulting Lady Swan. Imagine if she knew you compared her almighty feats to clumsy, little Marinette.”
Nino groaned as she locked her boutique behind them. “I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t think my bruise from last time I saw her healed yet.”
The designer winced at his words, letting her gaze linger a few seconds on his upper chest, where she knew a large bruise was hidden behind his clothes. “Sorry.”
Her friend shrugged. “Shit happens. Should’ve known that indulging in dares with Alix and Kim is not the best idea. Especially when it involves either of our local feathered terrors.”
“Goose Noir and Lady Swan are not that bad,” Marinette argued as they made their way to Alya’s workplace.
“That’s because you’ve been lucky so far in not being a target.”
“There was that one time where Lady Swan—”
“One time, Marinette,” Nino gave her a look. “But other than you, tell me one other person that has been spared.”
She opened her mouth to prove her point... only to falter when she couldn’t think of a single person who’d had an enjoyable meeting with either Goose Noir or Lady Swan.
Her parents had wasted an hour once, chasing Goose Noir around as the bird stole their baking equipment. Usually, it took them ten minutes at most to reclaim their utensils. Another time, on a date, they’d somehow caught Lady Swan’s attention and had to run away from the swan, only to be left alone when they reached Andre’s ice cream cart.
Andre, on the other hand, had needed to go on a wild goose chase far too often. For some reason, Goose Noir liked to steal his ice cream scoop, and even if the ice cream seller had more, he’d rather not have to buy another again anytime soon.
Most of her classmates in collège had similar experiences as well.
Chloé was, by far, the most targeted in their class. However, that was often because she’d insult the birds in their faces and it was only fair for Goose Noir and Lady Swan to get revenge. The latter was particularly vicious every time she attacked the blonde. In spite of that, Chloe was extremely fond of the swan, because it was a swan and swans were majestic. So Chloe had tried to capture her multiple times to keep her as a pet.
Needless to say, she failed every single time.
Kim and Alix were also frequent targets, mostly because Kim tried to turn everything into a competition. They had started by racing against each other while the birds they’d purposely taunted were running after them, until they had to race together to get away from the feathered terrors. It was starting to become a weekly thing for Paris to see the two friends fleeing for their lives.
Sabrina’s had her purse misplaced and her glasses stolen by Goose Noir. Max had bruises on his back from Lady Swan after a conversation where he’d said that girls couldn’t be good at video games. He hadn’t even known the swan was eavesdropping on him. Or that she could understand him.
Meanwhile, if there was one thing that Lila couldn’t get away with lying about, it was Lady Swan and Goose Noir. No matter how many times she tried, she couldn't get people to believe her whenever she bragged about being the two birds’ favourite human.
Lila couldn’t go anywhere in Lady Swan’s line of sight, or else she would be inevitably chased across Paris and end up battered and bruised at the end of the day. Goose Noir tried to pull her hair off far too often, and honked repeatedly every time she tried to talk to her friends.
Ivan and Mylene had ended up drenched a couple of times on their dates. Lady Swan had appeared out of nowhere, surprising them and causing them to fall into her lake. The same thing happened to Juleka and Rose.
Both Marc and Nathaniel had to run after Goose Noir when the bird stole their notebooks and pencils. Luka had lost many guitar picks to both birds. Alya’s phone had been stolen so many times by the goose and swan that it was a mystery how the device was still intact and working.
Kagami had to use a crooked branch to win her fencing gear back from Goose Noir, who had somehow managed to use her fencing sword properly against her.
Even Adrien had claimed to have been hit by Goose Noir right before a photo shoot, ruining his father’s plans.
By the time Marinette and Nino made it to the coffee shop where Alya was working, Nino was wearing a smug look on his face as Marinette failed to come up with a single spared soul.
Fortunately for her, she didn’t have to dwell on her defeat for long. Alya caught sight of them as the bell jingled with the door opening, then promptly burst into laughter at Nino’s look.
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled as he took a seat at the counter. Marinette smirked as she watched the situation unfold. “No ‘are you okay, Nino?’ or ‘oh no, what happened, Nino?’ Just laugh it all up.”
“Well,” Alya wheezed, “have you seen yourself? You’re quite the sight.”
“So I’ve been told,” he sighed. “Now, can I have some caffeine because I am sorely in need and Marinette here,” he gave her a pointed glare, “played with my feelings earlier by giving me an empty mug.”
Alya shakes her head fondly as she sets to prepare a cup of coffee for her boyfriend. “You’ve been spending way too much time with our dramatic model.”
Marinette checked her phone. “Speaking of, is he on his way? Why is it that the one time I’m not late, he is?”
“You know how his father is.” Nino waved her off. “Probably got held up at the last minute or something.”
Marinette pursed her lips at his explanation. It truly was an unfortunate occurrence for Adrien to be delayed by his father. She hoped nothing bad had happened to him.
Alya set the coffee in front of Nino, ignoring how his face practically lit up in gratitude. “More importantly, Marinette,” she said, “how are things going with you and Sunshine?”
“Give me a drink and I’ll tell you,” Marinette said, and Alya immediately put a cup in front of her, as if she’d expected the reply. Marinette took a sip. “We’re fine.”
“... That’s it?”
“That’s it,” she confirmed.
She and Adrien had started dating just a couple of months ago, and they’d seamlessly moved on from being friends to lovers. Though, to be frank, Lady Swan and Goose Noir had a hand (wing?) in helping their relationship, but Alya didn’t need to know that bit.
Anyone who didn’t find the birds at least mildly annoying was regarded as a lunatic, after all.
Alya looked unconvinced as she shared a glance with Nino, but their casual conversation was interrupted by Alix and Kim sprinting to reach the coffee shop, then barricading the door with their bodies as soon as they were inside. The three of them stared confusedly at the newcomers before they heard a loud, distinctive honk outside.
Goose Noir appeared from the same direction Alix and Kim came from, looking as composed as can be, unlike the other two. He looked through the shop’s glass walls, and honked again.
“What’d you do.”
Alix and Kim shared a panicked look, then pointed an accusing finger to each other.
“It was his fault!”
“It was her fault!”
Goose Noir honked and flapped his wings.
Marinette took a sip of her coffee. “This is what he’s late for?”
Nino looked at her. “You said something, Marinette?”
“I said ‘this is what my fate is.’”
“Girl, that does not even make any sen—” Alya furrowed her eyebrows as Marinette got up from her seat and strode towards the doors. “Wait, what are you doing, girl no, you’re going to get yourself killed.”
“This is for the good of humanity, Alya,” she yelled back as Alix and Kim let her pass, and then she was outside, looking down at a goose.
Goose Noir stared back at her.
“Goose Noir.”
“Honk.”
She crossed her arms. “Go away.”
Marinette put her arms in front of her as soon as she saw the gleam in Goose Noir’s green eyes. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Alya and Nino wildly gesticulating, probably trying to get her to stand down and avoid confrontation with the bird. Meanwhile, Kim and Alix, who had gotten her in this situation, were loudly cheering her on.
Her attention was quickly snapped back to the goose as he honked, then lunged towards her. Marinette reached out to the bird and grasped his neck, then threw him as far as she could before she bolted to the opposite way.
Never let it be said that Marinette was a fearless woman, because she wasn’t.
Marinette didn’t run far. She stopped when she reached the parking space behind Alya’s workplace, slightly out of breath. At the same time, her friends were undoubtedly freaking out over her actions in the coffee shop, which meant that no one would come through the backdoor and find her.
Unless they were a goose.
Marinette stared at the goose as it approached her. “You,” she said, “are a horrible human being.”
A bright green light enveloped the bird for a second, momentarily blinding her. “Says you,” a voice replied to her amusedly, “I’m not the one who threw a goose away by the neck, though.”
“You were late. And harassing Kim and Alix. Stop harassing them.”
Marinette rolled her eyes as Adrien sneezed once, twice. “Allergies,” he muttered before he pulled her into his arms for a quick hug. “They harassed me first.”
She took his hand and intertwined them before pulling him along with her to go back to their friends. “Don’t be such a baby,” she chided him fondly.
Adrien lifted their entwined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “Just saying, princess. Nothing better like sweet, sweet revenge sometimes.”
Marinette hummed, and stopped in front of the coffee shop. “If you say so.”
Her boyfriend bent down, pressed a kiss to her lips, and smiled at her. “I know so.”
“Marinette!” she jumped at the sudden shriek of her name. Turning, she watched as Alya held the cafe’s glass door open, her eyes wide and hands motioning at her to come in.
“Someone’s in trouble,” Adrien whispered in her ear. Marinette pushed him away by the nose. He grinned at the gesture, undeterred.
Meanwhile, her friends were staring at her with different amounts of shock and awe on their faces. Alix and Kim looked like they were just a hair’s breadth away from worshipping the floor she walked on, while Nino just stared, slack-jawed, like he could not believe his eyes what just happened. Alya was pacing in front of them, eyes wide in disbelief as her hands clutched at the sides of her head.
Alya stopped, and whirled around to look at her. “Girl,” she said, “I love you, but what was that? You could’ve died!”
“Your girl threw Goose Noir by the neck,” Nino told Adrien.
"Marinette yeets geese in her free time, pass it on," Alix hollered, grinning alongside Kim.
Marinette’s eyes turned unimpressed, and she let go of Adrien’s hand to be able to cross her arms. “It was one goose, guys. And just a goose.”
Adrien chuckled. She let him sneak his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. “Not just any geese, though. He’s Goose Noir.”
“See!” Alya exclaimed. “Even your boyfriend gets it!”
“Or maybe he just likes women who can throw him by the neck,” Marinette muttered under her breath. Adrien choked on his own laughter.
“What.”
“Nothing,” she ignored her friends’ bemused expressions. “Just don’t try to do what I did, unless you’re absolutely certain you can appear intimidating before the bird.”
Unlikely, Marinette thought, considering he’s standing right beside me, takes great pleasure in terrorizing Paris, and manages to terrorize Paris this long.
She knew Kim and Alix would brush off her warning. They were already frantically whispering to each other, and she was willing to bet that their next challenge involved bird throwing.
“Well, that’s just Goose Noir,” Adrien said, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Marinette knew immediately where he was going with that thought.
“Adrien,” she said warningly.
“Lady Swan though, is fair game.”
Marinette watched in horror as Adrien’s words spurred Alix and Kim into an energetic conversation as they moved towards the exit. A conversation that most certainly involved the swan in their next plans. Nino just shook his head, turned towards the counter, and asked the employee there for their strongest coffee. Alya threw a disbelieving glance at the couple before going back to the counter to dissuade her boyfriend from getting the drink.
<>“I’m breaking up with you,” Marinette muttered as she moved away from Adrien to join their friends.
Adrien chortled, following her. “Hey, my lady, I’m just returning the favour.”
Marinette was starting to regret throwing that goose today. Or not throwing him hard enough.
“You,” she said, “are a horrible goose.”
Adrien grinned wider, and winked at her. “I try.”