Chapter Text
Eddie hit him.
In retrospect, Buck should have seen it coming.
He has the experience to know what the angry and intoxicated look in someone’s eyes means. He has the knowledge to know that he should duck when he sees the revving of a fist slowly, yet all too quickly, coming at him. He should have made the connection, he should have realized that he’d pushed Eddie over the edge enough for the man to finally snap long enough to strike, and his instincts should have kept Eddie’s fist from connecting with the left side of his face.
The impact of the punch sends Buck’s head back, hitting hard against the wall connecting the dining room to the kitchen.
Disoriented from the pain and shock, Buck seizes up. His flight or fight responses freeze and instead of running away or hitting back, he slides down the wall, staring blankly at Eddie, watching as the angry fog in the other man’s eyes slowly evaporates as he realizes what he’s done.
“Oh god,” Eddie whispers. His tone is in as much disbelief as Buck is. He shouldn't have been so stupid enough to think that he’d finally escaped it all. He should have known better than to get comfortable, to fall so hard into the warm and seemingly safe embrace of domesticity and love with Eddie, something he so badly craved his entire adolescence. Buck became too trusting, too happy, and now, it’s all crashing down around him. Everything is going wrong again and just when he thought things were starting to get easier too.
But then Eddie hit him.
Eddie hit him and after everything he’s been through within the last half-year, Buck should have noticed, should have realized, that even with someone as amazing as Eddie, that all good things must die.
But the worst part of it all is, Eddie hit him and suddenly Buck is 20 years younger, cowering in the corner of the kitchen, he so stupidly assumed was safe, quietly sobbing into his hands, and waiting for the rest of the blows to come.
Buck is sent back in time, remembering the life he had when he was young and his father came home, drunk as usual, and angry at him for existing.
But it’s not like he had asked to be born at all. He didn't ask to be conceived. He didn't ask to be the product of a mistake.
But his father hated his guts because he was a mistake, a drunken, drugged induced mistake between his father and mother, who’s Catholic nature ironically kept her from getting an abortion but allowed her to spend all day getting high and cheating on her “husband” with men she picked up at bars.
Buck is suddenly trapped in the memory of a time where his father decided to take out his hatred of his life and the world on Buck in a physical and violent nature.
So, when Eddie hit him during a stupid argument that Buck started, he knows better than to make the situation worse by running or fighting back. Instead, he is waiting for Eddie to continue; because he knows he’s not done yet. But when more than a minute passes and the finishing blows never come; Buck is terrified that Eddie found a new target to relent his anger on.
Slowly, Buck uncovers his eyes, blinks through his tears and finds that, instead, Eddie is hovering above him, tears streaming down his face and his body slowly inching and yearning to move closer to Buck but then deciding against it each time he tries to close the space between them.
Buck watches as Eddie lowers himself to the ground, far too slowly, and far too gently, for Buck’s liking. He’s been tricked by the apologetic act before, and he won't let it happen again.
“Buck…” Eddie sobs, he's closer now so that Buck can smell the alcohol on his breath, strong and an aromatic reminder of all the pain drinking has brought him. It's why he never has more than one beer and avoids getting drunk and being around drunk people.
“I’m so sorry,” Eddie says, bringing Buck out of his head, and slowly reaches out his hand towards him.
Buck flinches and tries to back himself farther into the wall as if he could magically phase through it and use it as a shield from whatever remaining punches Eddie has in his system.
And based upon the rage Eddie told him he had boiling inside him; Buck knows he's still got a lot left for him to endure.
This whole ordeal happened because Buck got in Eddie’s face about where he was at such a late hour, why he was drunk, and why the hell he thought it was okay for him to take up illegal street fighting.
But then Eddie snapped, he could no longer contain his anger for Buck berating him and then...
Eddie doesn’t reach out to Buck again for the rest of the night. After seeing him flinch, Eddie cries silent tears and keeps his distance but doesn't once leave Buck's side. Instead, he sits cross-legged in front of him, as if he is waiting for Buck to say or do something.
But Buck doesn’t move from his corner. He sits with his back to the corner, one leg stretched in front of him and one leg bent, resting his opposite arm on that knee and resting his head against the wall. His face is hot and wet with tears and from the blood pooling to the area he was hit, slowly creating the bruise he knows is forming on his face. His ears are even still ringing from the initial punch.
As the night continues on Buck keeps himself from making eye contact with Eddie, opting instead to stare blankly off into space, eyes blurry from the tears filling and falling from them. But Eddie is staring at him the whole night as the clock above the dining table ticks on and on, echoing the time with each passing second.
Neither Buck nor Eddie end up falling asleep so when Eddie’s morning alarm starts blaring, effectively cutting the silence between them like a knife, Buck is suddenly brought back to reality as Eddie scrambles to turn off his alarm as quickly as possible.
Buck knows that the first alarm is Eddie’s alarm to wake up to start getting ready for work. He has a backup alarm set consecutively every fifteen minutes after the first until his final alarm at 7:15 tells him that he has to wake up Christopher to get him fed and ready for school.
Buck knows he needs to get up now though. He needs to attempt to act like nothing is wrong and fall back into normality or he'll risk scaring Christopher when the boy eventually wakes up and walks into the kitchen for breakfast.
Slowly, Buck lifts himself on weak and shaking legs and from the corner of his eye he notices Eddie standing up as well but Buck tries his damnedest not to look at him, because if he looks at Eddie, he won't be able to avoid the conversation he knows his friend wants them to have.
His suspicions are confirmed when Buck makes his way into the kitchen to get himself a drink of water and Eddie decides to grab a cup for him, handing over a bright and colorful purple Avengers-themed plastic cup in his direction.
“Buck, please we need to talk about this,” Eddie says, his voice is no longer slurred from the alcohol he consumed last night.
With shaking hands, Buck takes the cup from Eddie and doesn't allow a moment for either of them to linger. He takes the cup, puts it under the faucet and lifts the chrome handle high, allowing the water to quickly fill up the cup so he can take a drink.
After chugging down eight fluid ounces of water, Buck replies with,
“We don’t have to talk about anything.”
“But Buck…” Eddie tries to argue but stops himself before he can finish. “I’m so sorry.” He says instead.
And though Buck wants to respond to Eddie's apology, he also doesn’t want to because that might mean forgiveness and he's not ready to forgive him just yet. Instead, Buck decides to head toward the fridge so he can start making breakfast before Christopher wakes up. He had promised Christopher late last night that he would make him pancakes in the morning if he went to bed on time, because Chris was worried about his dad and wanted to wait up for him and Buck knew the kid needed to sleep so the only way they could both get what they wanted was if Buck essentially, bribed the kid with something he loved.
Eddie doesn’t say anything else to him once he starts getting out all of the ingredients needed for pancakes, and Buck finds his silence as a win. He listens though, as Eddie heads into the bathroom so he can start getting ready for his shift before he needs head into Christopher’s room so he could wake the boy up for school.
Cooking is methodical, therapeutic in a sense, Buck finds this out as his mind wanders a bit as he tries to remember all the correct measurements without his phone because his phone had fallen amid the chaos last night and he didn't want to bother to look for it.
As Buck is cooking he realizes that he is really glad Christopher slept through everything that happened last night because if he had woken up to witness Eddie hitting him or if he had stayed up to wait for his dad to see him coming home drunk and beat up, then the poor kid would have something more he’d have to talk about in therapy. And Buck doesn’t want to hurt that kid any more than he already has.
As he pours the mixture of milk, vanilla extract, melted butter, flour, sugar, and baking powder on the hot griddle on the stove for the nth time since he started breakfast, Buck hears the familiar and comforting sound of Christopher’s crutches on the hardwood floor.
“G—good mornin’ Bucky.” Christopher greets him from the dining room as he makes his way to the dining table.
“Good morning kiddo.” Buck greets back, deciding not to turn around for Christopher’s sake. Though he knows, eventually the kid will notice, but for now, he keeps himself busy in the kitchen.
Eddie, now fully dressed and ready for the day, comes into the dining room next and sits beside his son, listening to the kid talk passionately about the dream he had last night. The dream had something to do with pirates and mermaids who could breathe fire and Buck listens to this, smiling despite the throbbing pain making itself known on his face.
Buck turns around, three plates in his hand, and walks over into the dining room to set the table. He tries to keep his eyes down so that the shadows keep whatever bruise is on his face hidden from Christopher’s view. But Christopher is far too observant and Buck can’t keep anything hidden from that kid.
“Buck,” Christopher says. “How did you get hurt?”
Buck looks up, no longer bothering to hide since he's been found out, and sees the expression on Christopher's face. It's one of worry and it matches the look Eddie has on his face as well. Buck thinks about what to say, he won't tell the kid the truth and he knows Eddie knows this so the other man opens his mouth about to say something that could really get him in trouble if he's not careful but Buck is quick to shut it down.
“Well Chris, before your Dad got home last night I decided to make myself something to snack on and when I opened them up, I hit my head on the cabinet door,” Buck says, laughing and feeling a stinging pain erupt all over his cheek.
“Oh,” Chris says with pouted lips. “You sh—should have Dad ch—check you out.”
“It’s alright Christopher,” Buck says with a small smile as he goes back into the kitchen to bring the food out. Buck then places a plate with a huge stack of freshly made pancakes on top of the table. “It’s just a small bruise.” He adds in hopes of reassuring the kid who's staring at him with skepticism.
“Buck…” Eddie says softly and before he can say anything more Buck quickly leaves so he can get the rest of the things for breakfast. Thankfully, Eddie doesn't say anything else and so Buck comes back and sets down a tub of butter and bottle of maple syrup on the table for Christopher to use for his pancakes.
“You better eat up you two, you’ve got a long day ahead of you,” Buck says with a pained smile. Thankfully, Chris doesn't notice the pain he's in.
“Thank you, Buck,” Christopher says as he reaches across the table to fork a few pancakes onto his plate. Buck watches carefully as Eddie does the same and then Buck takes one for himself, despite the churning in his stomach telling him not to eat.
Christopher finishes eating with a wide and sticky smile spread across his sweet cheeks and he politely asks for a wet wipe to clean himself off.
Eddie is the one closest to the container and so he hands Christopher the cloth to clean up before it's time to take him to school. When Eddie and Christopher continue talking amongst themselves, Buck decides that he needs to keep busy to keep his mind from dwelling on the fact that Eddie had hit him last night, so he gets up and takes his and Christopher’s empty plate into the kitchen to get started on the dishes.
It's not a hassle for Buck to clean up, so he gladly takes up the task, keeping an ear out for Christopher and Eddie on the other side of the room.
“Why don’t you start getting ready for school now,” Eddie says as he helps Christopher from off his chair.
“Okay, Dad,” Chris says, bidding another loud thank you to Buck for breakfast as he walks down the hall to his bedroom.
Buck figures that Eddie doesn't follow, so he keeps his back turned as he carefully washes the dishes, cleaning to keep himself distracted while Eddie stands outside the kitchen doorframe and hovering behind him.
“Can we please not talk about this with Christopher in the other room.” Buck pleads as he turns around to face Eddie. He’s almost expecting him to hit him again, to get it out of his system while Christopher is otherwise preoccupied with getting ready for the day. But thankfully, Eddie doesn't hit him again.
“Okay,” Eddie says, voice dry. “But I want to talk about this later.”
“I’d rather not…” Buck says quietly, avoiding eye contact as much as he can with Eddie staring him down like he's the one who's done something wrong.
“Buck, please…” Eddie’s voice is soft and his eyes are glazed over with tears. Buck hates seeing Eddie so distraught but can't bring himself to comfort his friend after what happened.
But then Eddie decides to test the waters between them and he reaches out to Buck once more and Buck has to do everything in his power to keep himself from flinching or from stepping away entirely to avoid any physical contact with the man standing in front of him.
“I want to make this right,” Eddie says, fighting back a sob.
Buck doesn't do anything nor says anything then. But God does he want to tell Eddie to fuck off or tell him he’s already forgiven him, he doesn’t know which one yet, but luckily for him Christopher calls out for Eddie from his bedroom, relieving Buck of his presence long enough to get back to the chores without feeling like he needs to hide under the covers like a scared child.
Buck quickly cleans up the rest of breakfast while Eddie helps Christopher get ready and figures that he'll need to go to the store sometime today to buy concealer. Because as angry and hurt as he is, he won't get Eddie in trouble at work tomorrow for hitting him.
About ten minutes later, Buck notices that it’s time for Eddie to take Christopher to school so that he can make it to work on time. He wipes his hands on the hand towel hanging from the oven handle and then goes out to the hallway to say goodbye to Christopher.
“Have a good day at school buddy,” Buck says as he engulfs Christopher in a hug. “And tell Carla hi for me when she picks you up later.” He adds before pressing a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head.
“Bye-bye Buck,” Christopher says as they let go of each other. "Hope your face feels better soon."
Buck smiles, and though the action hurts, he still does it for Chris and then gently ruffles the top of his head, making a slight mess of the bronze curls on the boy's head and getting hair gel in between his fingers in the process.
“Bye Buck,” Eddie says from the doorway, holding onto Christopher’s backpack in his hands.
Buck doesn’t say much to Eddie, only gives him a curt nod so that Christopher doesn’t think anything is wrong.
But then innocently, Christopher says,
“Dad, you gotta give Buck a goodbye hug too.”
Buck swallows hard but doesn’t change his expression.
“I don’t think Buck wants a goodbye hug from me today kiddo,” Eddie says truthfully.
“Why not?” Christopher asks.
Buck opens his mouth to say something, but at the moment, he is at a loss of words. He just hopes Eddie doesn't say anything to upset Chris.
“That’s a very complicated question…” Eddie says, voice trailing off as if he's thinking about what to say next. “But you know sometimes people don’t want hugs all the time. Like that girl Kassidy in your class, she doesn’t like hugs at all and that’s okay, because…”
“Because touching people without permission is wrong,” Christopher says automatically.
“Exactly kiddo.” Eddie says, gently patting Chris on his shoulder, “now let’s go, we wouldn’t want for you to be late today.”
Christopher nods in agreement and then he and Eddie leave out the door. Christopher yells another “bye Bucky” from the front porch before the door is closed shut leaving Buck alone in the house.
Buck waits a moment before moving, he hears the truck in the driveway start-up and slowly he leaves from the spot he's standing in at the front of the door before he dashes into the area between the living room and the dining room to search for his phone which fell out of his hand during the initial fight with Eddie last night.
The phone's screen is cracked, and the battery is low, but Buck doesn’t care about the condition his phone is in, he can easily replace it, he just needs to quickly send a text because he knows that if he stays cooped up in the house all day waiting for Carla to return with Christopher, he might literally go crazy and may do something to himself he could quickly come to regret later.
Buck:
Do you have work today?
He only has to wait about a minute for a response.
Maddie:
No, I have today off.
Why?
Buck thinks about what he wants to say but realizes those things would be better said in person. So, he decides to keep it vague.
Buck:
I just need to talk to you about something.
I’ll be over there in 20.
Buck doesn’t even wait for a response, he just grabs his car keys and hurries out of the house, not bothering to cover up or change as he jumps into the driver's seat of his Jeep. He just needs to get out of the house now and forget that this ever happened.