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It was the night before the greatest day of his life - the day he finally got to marry his new dream, the love of his life, the women who he would die for (again, if he must) - and Eugene Fitzherbert was nervous.
He couldn't quite pinpoint the exact reason for his nervousness, though. It wasn't anything like the first (or second) time he was going to get married - he actually loved his intended, he hadn't been forced into it by any means, and he wasn't fearful of what was to become of his life after the ceremony. In fact, he was very excited for what the future held for him and Rapunzel.
So again, he wondered just why he was so nervous. Maybe he was afraid that they hadn't bested every major threat that the universe had had in store for them. Or perhaps he was worried that he might mess something up at the ceremony, like trip down the aisle, or step on her dress, or offend some important relative. Or possibly, it was just his mind dipping into his subconscious, and toying with his most basic fears, leaving him with the often-discussed "cold feet" that many grooms experienced.
Taking a deep breath, he shook himself, trying to rid his mind of any intrusive thoughts, and he looked at himself in his mirror once again, leaning in to inspect his face. He had just finished applying a moisturizer that he hoped wouldn't produce any blemishes, and would keep his skin hydrated. Though it didn't really matter what he looked like - all that mattered to him was that he got to marry his Sunshine - he did want to look as perfect as he could for his bride… and also all those in attendance.
As he reached for his tweezers, finding in his reflection a stray eyebrow hair that needed plucking, there was a soft knock on his door.
"Come in," he replied as he carefully plucked the hair from his face, and inspected his eyebrows once more. As the door opened, he looked through the mirror to see whom was visiting him, and was a tad surprised to see his father. Setting his tweezers back down, he turned around to address the large man and his ever-present crow friend as they entered.
"Ed- I mean, hi Dad. Hamuel," he nodded his head to the bird, who squawked affectionately, blowing a few feathers from his mouth. Eugene turned his attention back to his father, who wasn't meeting his eye, and looked a little… awkward. "Is everything okay?"
"Ahh, yes," Edmund began, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously, before his amber eyes met his son's own. "There's simply something… important I wanted to discuss with you."
This surprised Eugene. While Edmund was still not super used to interacting with other people after his 25 years of solitude, he wasn't often anxious about bringing things up. Especially not with Eugene, now that the two of them had grown closer.
"Would you like to come sit down?" Eugene asked, offering his father a chair, sitting himself down across from it on his bed.
"Good thinking Eugene. Having this conversation while sitting will probably be easier on him," the king responded as he sat in the chair, the second half of his sentence clearly not meant to be spoken aloud.
"Edmund."
"Right! Sorry," he responded a bit sheepishly, remembering himself. "I will continue to work on keeping my inner monologue… inner."
"Well, you certainly have improved over the last couple months," Eugene reassured him with a smile. "It's been a while since you accidentally said something about someone that you probably shouldn't have said to their face." The two men chuckled at this, smiling at each other, before Eugene redirected.
"So, what is this conversation that would be made easier on me by sitting?" he posed, his brow knitting in slight concern. His father's anxiety was doing nothing to quell his own - in fact, it was making him all the more anxious. He worried that maybe the man was leaving him again, or even dying. A year ago, this wouldn't have really mattered to Eugene; he was just a somewhat crazy man who had sent him away as an infant. But now, the two men had formed a close bond. Sure, they still got on each other's nerves, as any parent and child did, but Eugene could honestly say that he loved his father, and he knew he loved him back.
"Right. Well, you are getting married tomorrow, so I thought it would be a good time to have this… discussion," Edmund began, his gaze drifting away from Eugene's once more, to look elsewhere in the room, as his one hand fidgeted nervously with the fabric of his pants.
"Oh." Eugene thought, "He doesn't want to be here for the wedding." The thought stung, as he really did want his father to be in attendance, but he supposed he could swallow his anger, and accept and respect Edmund's reason, whatever it may be.
"As you know, when-" the king began, but he was cut off as Hamuel squawked, flying across the room towards Eugene, and missing his shoulder entirely, instead smacking against the wall behind him. After a brief dazed moment, the crow flapped his wings and tried once more, this time landing on Eugene's shoulder, cawing in his ear. The crow then hopped closer on his shoulder, opening up a wing and placing it on the top of his head. He then began to caw quietly, almost as if he was trying to discuss something with Eugene himself.
"Hamuel, please," Edmund started, his tone scolding as he held up a hand to stop the crow. "Let me do it. He needs to hear it from me." Hamuel nodded, and seemed to be ready to fly back towards Edmund, but instead fell forwards, diving nose-first right into one of Eugene's empty boots. Shaking his head and rolling his eyes at the crow's antics, Eugene turned his attention back to his father once more.
"As I was saying," Edmund began again, clearing his throat and leaning forward, his eyes meeting Eugene's with a firm gaze that still held a hint of softness. "You are getting married tomorrow. To the most wonderful woman I have ever met. Well, other than your mother Eleanor, of course…" Edmund's gaze softened further as he thought about his wife, and he smiled as he looked upon his son, who kept her memory alive.
"But yes, you are getting married. And well, I just wanted to make sure you are… prepared… for what lies ahead."
At this, Eugene cocked his head. What in the world did he mean by "prepared"? Was his father about to give him marriage advice? Because, he had already received loads of that, though from people far less qualified; the pub thugs were well-meaning, but none of them had actually ever been married. Though, Shorty did say he was once in a relationship with a beautiful woman, and had a daughter with her, but those were probably just more ramblings of a drunken old man.
"What do you mean by 'prepared' exactly?" Eugene posed, and Edmund balked at him, his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes wide. This only served to confuse Eugene more, and he was surprised when the king looked worriedly at the wall, biting his lower lip.
"Oh my… I had hoped he'd at least have some knowledge! But to know nothing of…" Edmund caught himself once more, looking back to Eugene, who was now frowning at his father, one eyebrow raised. Sighing, the king stood, and pulled his chair closer to the bed, sitting back down, and taking Eugene's hand in his.
"I'm sorry no one spoke to you about this sooner, son. If I had known, I would have spoken to you myself months ago, and gone into greater detail. But since we only have a few hours, I will just have to give you the basics."
"Dad, what is this about?" Eugene asked incredulously, letting out a small, nervous laugh as he looked at his father; he was completely and totally lost on what Edmund was trying to give him knowledge about.
"Well, son… It's about… the birds and the bees," Edmund replied, his voice firm and his gaze determined.
As these words hit Eugene, his brain seemed to malfunction. He must have misheard this crazy old man whom he called father. The birds and the bees?!
"...What?"
"Oh goodness! You don't even know that much!" Edmund cried out in shock, shaking his head in shame as he squeezed his son's hand. "I am so sorry, Eugene. It's just awful that no one has talked to you about this yet! And I had hoped you would have learned things from your years of thieving, but no!"
"You see, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, and after they have pledged themselves to each other in marriage, they make one final commitment to one another…" Edmund continued, but Eugene's brain was still on the fritz. "He thinks I know NOTHING?!"
Eugene could do nothing but stare at his father for a few excruciating moments before his mind restarted, and he jumped up from his spot on the bed, removing his hand from Edmund's. His father gazed back at him with surprise and worry, and softened once more.
"Oh goodness. I've said too much, and frightened the poor boy!"
"EDMUND!" Eugene shouted - not angrily, just simply to get the other man's attention - as he stared down his father, his hands raised in the air in shock. "I don't need to have this discussion with you."
"Oh son, but you do," Edmund replied, standing himself and walking towards Eugene cautiously. "As someone who will be a husband in mere hours, it is important that you know what your duties are, especially when it comes to pleasing-"
"AH NO NO NO!" Eugene shouted once more, running forward and placing a hand over his father's mouth, muffling his words. "Do not finish that sentence. I do not want to hear the rest of those words come out of your mouth."
Edmund looked frustrated, but still sympathetic, as he continued to believe his son was simply in the dark about all this. Using his superior strength, he pried Eugene's hand from his mouth, and began to speak once more.
"But Eugene-"
"Nope, sorry Dad," he replied quickly, cutting Edmund off once more. "But you are about 10 years too late with this conversation."
"Oh, so you do know what se-"
"DON'T say it. Please," Eugene responded forcefully, his hands at the ready to cover his ears at a moment's notice. "Yes, I know what the birds and the bees are. And that is all I will say on that matter."
"I see," Edmund responded, a tad bit downtrodden as he realized that he had missed out on this important right-of-passage conversation with his son. "But Eugene… I just want to make sure that you know how to accurately please a wo-"
Before he could finish, Eugene had vacated his own room, shouting "Goodnight Edmund!" as he walked quickly down the hall, the embarrassment of the last few minutes making itself known on his now warming cheeks.
~*~*~
Rapunzel lay in bed, propped up in a mountain of pillows, as she worked on the final page of her adventure journal. She had had it ever since her coronation day, and had filled nearly every single page, except for one. She was saving this page for today - the eve of her wedding - for this was the bittersweet end of one part of her life, and the wonderful beginning of another. Her mother, not wanting her to have to wait, had already gifted her a brand new blank journal; one she could fill with all the stories of this new chapter of her life.
As she finished painting a beautiful picture of herself and Eugene, their backs turned as they headed off into the sunset, their friends tearfully but happily cheering them on as they moved into their new existence as a married couple, there was a knock at the door. Setting her journal down on her bedside table, still open as the paint still needed to dry, she called out. "Come in!"
The door opened just a bit, enough for one lithe man to slip through, and then was promptly shut behind him.
"Eugene!" she said happily, her grin widening as she saw him, his presence making her heart flutter with excitement. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"
But Eugene didn't respond. He stood still for a moment, prompting Rapunzel to call out his name once more, before he slowly trudged forward, his head down. As he reached her bedside, he flopped down dramatically onto the enormous king-sized bed, burying his face in the mattress.
"Eugene, what's wrong?" Rapunzel asked worriedly, moving from her space to rest beside him, her hand resting on his back as she anxiously waited for a response. "Did something happen?"
He grumbled softly, before turning his head to the side, looking up at her with saddened amber eyes.
"Would you hate me if I threw myself off your balcony to my doom?"
Rapunzel let out a surprised laugh, completely taken off guard by his question. She looked at him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate, but he simply closed his eyes, sighing deeply and groaning in distress.
"Umm… Well, yes. Seeing as it is the night before our wedding, and we both worked so very hard to get where we are now. I also love you… a lot. And I'd prefer not to see you die." They both knew there was an "again" missing from the end of that sentence, but neither really wanted to hear it.
"Eugene, what's this all about? Did someone say something to you?" She queried once more, moving her hand up to run her fingers through his luscious brown locks.
"Yes. My father," he groaned out, and Rapunzel frowned. Edmund was usually careful as to not say things that might upset Eugene, as he was still trying to mend their relationship. But that didn't mean he was always successful about keeping things to himself.
"What did he say?"
"He tried to give me the birds and the bees talk."
Rapunzel halted her movements in his hair, completely thrown off by what he had just said. Edmund… had just tried to give Eugene Fitzherbert… formerly known as Flynn Rider… the sex talk? She couldn't help herself - Rapunzel burst out into laughter, collapsing backwards onto her bed as she laughed harder than she suspected she ever had before.
As she continued to laugh, she saw through her laughing tears as Eugene rose from the bed, glaring at her.
"Yes, haha, my suffering is very funny," he grumbled, kicking off his boots and crawling further onto the bed, flopping down next to his still laughing fiancee.
"I'm… I'm s-sorry! It's just…! You? He thought he… he needed to give you…! Haha!" Her laughter resumed, and Eugene huffed, annoyed with the whole situation. He grumbled once more, and wrapped an arm around Rapunzel's waist, pulling her closer to him, hiding his face in her short brown hair. Her laughter was soon quelled, and she reached a hand up to run through his hair once more.
"I really am sorry for laughing, Eugene," she began softly, turning her head so their noses were now touching. "It's just… has Edmund really not heard the tales of the real Flynn Rider?"
"I guess not," he responded with a huff, though he wasn't entirely unhappy that his father hadn't heard the stories of his former conquests, and all that that entailed. "I suppose I should be thankful. But… I just cannot believe he thinks I'm a…"
Rapunzel giggled, kissing his lips softly before pulling back slightly, and turning onto her side, so she could get a better look at him. "You know, people believing you're a virgin isn't so bad. People have been believing that about me for 3 years now, but it hasn't been true for quite some time. You made sure of that." She winked at him, and Eugene chuckled in response, wrapping both arms around her waist, and hauling her on top of him. They stared at each other for a moment before Rapunzel leaned in to plant a deep kiss on his lips. They remained there for a few moments before she broke away, breathless.
"I'm surprised your father thinks you're a virgin," she remarked as she rolled off him, back onto her back on the bed. "We weren't exactly being discreet when we returned to Corona!"
"You make a good point, Sunshine," he responded, returning to his earlier position, nestled into her side.
"Do you remember that time he nearly caught us in the vaults?"
"Oh, please," he responded with another pained groan. "Don't remind me."