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Hermes's Greatest Trick

Summary:

Before the wall was finished before drink took over Persephone completely when Orpheus was a little kid just running wild with Hermes. What if Hermes heard all about the issues between Persephone and Hades? Only this time, Hermes has had enough of the cold war between Hades and Persephone. So he decides to handle it in his own rather unique way. Hermes plays one great trick on the King and Queen of the Underworld. One trick for the happiness of the realm and the health of the earth.

Notes:

So this was a surprise to write. I completely blame the chat group, you people give me too many ideas. This is unbetaed, quick type, wrote it all at once one-shot. Love it, hate it, think it's silly, let me know. I own nothing. Hadestown belongs to the wonderful Anais Mitchell, with ideas for it coming from the chat group. Thank you all for your ideas, and for letting me flesh it out. AceQueenKing, thanks for the help!

Work Text:

 Italics-Inner thoughts

Regular-regular story

"   "-speech 

Orpheus is about 6.5 right now. Its fall and his birthday is in spring. It's only been a few months since the previous story where Persphone talked to Hermes. 


“Hermes, I don’t see why I need to come along. She won’t get on the train if I’m on it. And I’m not in the mood to fight with her today. We had too many souls come in the other day. They need their jobs assigned. Just go and get her. I have too much work to do.” Hades speaks to Hermes in his office. He doesn’t understand why Hermes is pushing this. ‘Every year I go up with the train, my wife refuses to get on it until I have to almost drag her. That or carry her on from the booze. I don’t understand. I built the town and everything for her. But fine, if she doesn’t want it, I’ll run it. Looking back at his papers he decides that its. She needs more. Maybe once they’re richer then any other gods she’ll be happy. Not that they already weren’t, but maybe she needs a more visible show of the wealth.’ Looking back up he sees Hermes still there. “Don’t you have a train to be running and my wife to be fetching Hermes?”, he growls out. 

Smirk in place, Hermes’ reply is simple. “Yes, sir. But this year you need to come up with me. I promise you’ll enjoy it if you do. I wouldn’t lie about this. Besides, she said she missed you. Come up with me and surprise her.” 

With a smirk like that on his face, Hades knows Hermes won’t give up until he agrees. Might as well say yes, and take some paperwork. Styx knows Persephone will most likely just drink the whole way home. “All right Hermes lets go.” 

Hermes gets the train going, and double-checks something in the engine with him. 

“You ok there Orpheus? Not to tight a fit is it kiddo?” 

“No sir Mr. Hermes, I still fit. Can I ask a question though Mr. Hermes?” 

“Sure kiddo. What’s the question?”

 “Why are we bringing Mr. Hades up-top? I thought Ms. Persephone was still mad at Mr. Hades for the last winter being so early and long?” 

“Well Orpheus, she is still mad at him. But well, in this case, both of them are wrong and being silly. So we’re gonna play a little trick on them.” 

“ A trick? On the King of the Underworld? Did you hit your head, Mr. Hermes?” 

“No Orpheus. I didn’t hit my head, I promise. Don’t you want to pick flowers in the spring again? Play in the rain puddles and everything, jump in leaf piles? We need them to be better again Orpheus, and we are going to help them.” 

“Oh, can I help then?”

“Orpheus my boy, your the key to it being a success.” Hermes chuckles out while the train gathers speed running on the line back up top. The train is still new to him or at least running it is. But he had to make the deal with Charon in order for his plan to succeed, so for today, he’s the one driving the underworld train. It’ll be worth though Hermes thinks to himself. ‘It’ll be worth it once the seasons are right, and I’m not being used as a venting post for the royal couple. Besides he has to be the one driving it for what the plan needs. As long as he gets to Persephone’s bags first and can take them away, it’ll be ok.’

Looking out the window Hermes sees its time to stop. They’re at the station, and here’s Persephone at the station, laden with bags.

 “Orpheus boy, time to do your first part. You ready?”, Hermes asks of his ward with a smile. 

The boys answering smile proves how much Hermes has impacted him. “You bet Mr. Hermes. I know the job.” Skipping out with a smile that can charm the birds in the trees, he approaches the Lady. 

“Ms. Persephone, I got your bags! I’m big enough to help now, according to Mr. Hermes.” 

With a soft smile reserved only for him, Persephone responds, “Is that so Orpheus? Hermes says your big enough to help now? Well then go ahead, take them. Put them in the car for me. But be careful sweetheart. Some of them are pretty heavy.” 

“ I know ma’am. But it’s ok, I got them. Mr. Hermes said to put them by us in the front. He doesn’t want the bottles to break.” 

“Well ok then, take them upfront. Where’s Charon?” 

“I don’t know. All Mr. Hermes said is that he’s driving today.”

“Ok, just hold on tight then Orpheus. Hermes has never been the best driver. I’m going to my car. Tell Hermes once the bags are stowed to get moving. Sooner this winter starts, the sooner it is over.” Persephone shakes her head. ‘Who knows what Charon is up to. Probably a job for Hades. Oh Hades, she thinks. What a mean old bastard he’s become. Trying to make her stay longer each year, trying to make her like the new town. Why can’t he see that she has to stay above for the full time?  That the mortals hurt when she doesn’t, that she hurts when she doesn’t. Well, time for another winter of fighting. Maybe this year will be the year he actually does manage to impress me.’ Feeling the train started to move, she walks faster to her car. Opening the door to her car, she freezes in place. ‘What in the Styx is he doing here?’ 

“What in the Tartusaus did you do now husband? What stupid idea of yours blew up in your face this time, that you decided to tell me about now?”-she spits out quickly. 

“I did nothing, lover. Hermes said you missed me, told me to come up for a surprise. My ideas are far from being stupid wife. Their what allows you to run that little bar of yours,” Hades answers back just as quick. “If Hermes is pulling a trick on me, he’ll regret it. No one tricks me.” 

Annoyed and confused Persephone responds out loud, “Leave Hermes alone Hades. Styx knows you could use a laugh.” Meanwhile in her head, ‘What is Hermes doing? Why did he tell Hades I missed him. I know I said I did when I was drinking, but can’t Hermes tell the difference between sober me and drunk me? Does he have a death wish? No one pulls a trick on Hades, no one other than me anyways.’ 

Neither had noticed that they had moved face to face while talking. All they noticed was the sudden slamming of the breaks and the screeching of the tracks. Looking down, they noticed they had grabbed each other’s hands. They quickly drop them, neither of them knowing what to say. Suddenly the intercom crackles to life, with Hermes sounding far too smug.

“Just in case you two were too busy fighting again, we have stopped. And we will stay stopped for as long as this takes. Yes this a trick, but one for the betterment of all. You two need to talk to each other instead of just me. Hades, she liked it when you would come up a day or two early. But a couple of weeks to a month early means she can’t get the work done for the season. All those extra souls we’ve had to deal with, are as a result of them starving due to long harsh winters. So her wanting to leave early has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her job. Now Persephone, you are at fault as well. Instead of telling your husband this, you climbed into the bottle. How is he supposed to know these things if you don’t tell him? You know he doesn’t get much interaction. You need to tell him what you don’t like about the town, and Hades you need to tell her why you started to build it.  I have been listening to both of you for years bitching about what the other one has or has not done. I am sick of it, the earth cannot more of it. There is no booze in the car, I took it out. We are going to sit here for as long as it takes. Hecate and Charon said they could keep an eye on the underworld if it takes longer. Now you two talk and hash out the issues. The kid and I will stay up here and wait, we have supplies. Take your time, we are in no rush. Hermes out.”

Crack went the intercom turning off. 

Stunned the two gods looked at each other. Similar thoughts running through their minds. ‘They do care? They didn’t want to leave?’ Both of them were frozen though, neither wanted to make the first move. Persephone knew though, Hermes would wait all day and night if needed. Someone needed to go first. Taking a deep breath,

“Why did you build the town? I don’t like it.”, Persephone starts slowly. “ I don’t understand why you thought I would.” 

Hades seems almost shy when he answers like he can’t believe she’s talking to him again. “I built it for you wife. I thought you didn’t like it looking so plain, so I kept improving it. Kept upgrading it. Why didn’t you tell me that was the reason you wanted to go up top? I get duties Persephone, I do.” 

Before she could answer a song came through the speaker.  Hermes had let Orpheus play with the lyre, and the boy figured out how to play an old song. Both of them recognized it, how could they not. It was their song he was playing. Their song from that year together. Both knew seeing how it affected each other, things would be ok. 

“I didn’t think you cared. You never seemed to before. As for the town, no Hades, no. I liked it the way it was. I don’t need bright lights and heat during the fall and winter husband. I get enough of it during the time up top. I...I miss you when I’m up top. I like thinking about the cold underground.”, was her whispered reply. 

Hades looked at her in shock. Like he couldn’t believe what she just said. “You missed me? The only reason I started to come as early as I did, I missed you too much to stay away. I thought you wanted me to stay away. That you hated the town.  Figured that was why you started to drink so much.” 

“No, Hades, never. It was never that. I heard them, the mortals.  All those people suffering, I could hear them all winter. Drink...drink dulled it. Made it tolerable. I never hated the town, or you. Just didn’t think you heard me.” 

“My wife, we are a couple of fools. I think we need to talk this winter. We both need to listen as well. You willing to learn a new trick or two with this old god?” 

“Husband, I am certainly willing to try. First though, one favor. Dance with me?” 

At the front of the train, Orpheus asked Hermes a question, “Mr. Hermes, what’s that noise? It sounds like screaming. I thought you said this was going to make things better? Ms. Persephone sounds like she’s in pain. We need to help her.” 

Red-faced and smirking, Hermes was quick to reply, “No we don’t Orpheus. Ms. Persephone and Mr. Hades do not need us interrupting them right now. I promise Orpheus, those are good sounds. I’ll explain when you’re older, much older. For now, why don’t you tell me how you knew that melody while we finish driving this down below.  I think this is going to be a mild winter.” 

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