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Dave enters his apartment after grocery shopping to see a jittery Klaus sitting on his couch.
“Hey, babe. You didn’t tell me you were coming over today.” Dave says as he leans in for a kiss.
Klaus jerks his head away.
“Baby...”, Dave starts as he places the bags down and kneels down in front of his boyfriend. “Klaus, what’s wrong?”
“I want you to meet my family.” Klaus finally blurts after a few moments of thick silence.
“Okay, that’s fine. Why would you be scared abo-“ Dave starts to say but Klaus interrupts him.
“I didn’t exactly tell them I’m dating someone.”
“Wait— where do they think you’ve been going for the past five months?”
“I don’t know, maybe some drug dealer’s crack house.” Klaus says.
“Baby, you’ve been sober for two months.” Dave says.
“I know, I know, but they never really believe me when I tell them! Can you believe that!” Klaus says, exasperated.
“Well, wouldn’t this dinner be a great way to show how trustworthy and responsible you are?” Dave suggests as he bops Klaus on the nose.
Klaus blushes. “I mean, I guess, but what if they’re really mean about me having a boyfriend? To be quite frank, I think Luther thinks I’m still straight, and I don’t even know HOW that’s possible, like I had many boyfriends when we were kids and I think I give off big gay energy y’know—“
“Honey.” Dave says.
“—and it’s like, okay I get it you’re part monkey but monkeys are very smart so he has no excuse-“
“Honey.” Dave says again.
“Hmm?” Klaus responds.
“You’re rambling.” Dave replies with a giggle.
“Oh... sorry.” Klaus says before he starts laughing.
“You shouldn’t worry anyways, the dinner will be great, they’ll be supportive, and everything will be fine.” Dave says.
“That’s what you say now.” Klaus scoffs. “Just wait ‘til you meet them.”
~~~
As Klaus and Dave get out of the taxi and Dave pays the driver, Klaus starts to get nervous.
“Hey, Dave?” Klaus asks.
“Yeah, babe?” Dave says as the taxi drives off.
“Y’know, maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore, like this just seems unnecessary. Maybe we should just go back to your place, watch some movies and not worry about this. At all.” Klaus says, finishing with a bright smile.
“Klaus. We’re doing this. I told you, it’ll be fine, I promise.” Dave says.
“Pinky promise?” Klaus says, holding out his pinky finger.
Dave chuckles and wraps his pinky finger around Klaus’. “Yes, I pinky promise.”
“Okay, but just know I take pinky promises very seriously. If this goes bad, that finger is mine.” Klaus jokingly says.
Dave rolls his eyes and laughs. “I’m soooo scared.”
Klaus opens the door and they step inside the foyer to hear a monkey-like screech ring through the house.
“Was that Pogo?” Klaus thinks out loud.
“Pogo?” Dave asks.
“You know, Pogo Stick?” Klaus says.
“Wait, his name is actually is Pogo?” Dave asks.
Just as Dave says that, Diego comes thundering down the stairs with a towel around his waist and suds flying from his hair.
“How many times do I have to tell you—hi Klaus— to STOP TELEPORTING INTO THE BATHROOM WHEN I’M TAKING A SHOWER!” Diego yells.
Five appears in the front of the foyer. “It’s not ‘teleporting’, it’s space-time manipulation. Also, how was I supposed to know you’d be in the shower singing Mamma Mia?”
A pocket knife flies right in front of Five’s face, landing in the wall next to him.
“You’re on thin ice, Five!” Diego yells from another room.
“Well- Klaus why’d you invite the delivery guy inside?” Five asks.
“No, Five this is my-“
“Hi, I’m Dave.” Dave interrupts and holds his hand out.
“Klaus, why is the delivery guy trying to shake my hand? Is he one of your dealers? Scratch that, he looks too clean.” Five says.
“Five, what I’m trying to tell you is-“
“UNCLE KLAUS!” Claire screams as she runs down the stairs.
“Claire! Hi!” Klaus says as he hugs Claire and lifts her in the air. “How is my favorite munchkin doing today?
“Uncle Klausssss, I told you, I’m not a munchkin!” Claire giggles.
“So then what are you? Short stack? Tiny terror? Little monster?” Klaus says as he ruffles her hair.
“Nooooo!” Claire manages before she bursts into a fit of giggles.
“Hey, Klaus!” Allison warmly says as she walks down the stairs.
“Hey, Allie!” Klaus says as he pulls Allison into a side hug while managing to still carry Claire in one arm.
“Where’ve you been, we haven’t seen you in about, what date is it?” Allison says.
“The 24th.” Dave inputs.
“Thank you,” Allison starts. “Wait... Klaus who’s this?”
“Well, he’s the reason I haven’t been around for a week and a half. Allie, this is Dave.” Klaus says.
“It’s nice to meet you, Klaus has told me so much about you.” Dave says as he shakes Allison’s hand.
“The pleasure’s all mine. Klaus, is this the Dave you were telling me ab-“ Allison starts to say before Grace enters.
“Everyone, dinner is ready! Go wash your hands! Diego, dear, please remove that knife from the wall. I really like that wallpaper.” Grace says before she walks into the dining room.
“Sorry, Mom!” Diego says as he walks over to the wall and pulls the pocket knife out before walking back into the kitchen.
“Well,” Klaus says. “it’s now or never.”
~~~
“Oh, Klaus dear, you didn’t tell me you were inviting guests, I would’ve worn something nicer.” Grace says as she sits at the table.
“It was kind of spur-of-the-moment, Mom, sorry.” Klaus says as he blushes.
“Grandma, I think you look very pretty today.” Claire says from across the table.
“Why, thank you dear. Now, Klaus, why don’t you introduce your guest?”
“So, everyone, this is Dave. My boyfriend.” Klaus says.
“Boyfriend?” Diego says as he narrows his eyes at Dave.
“Klaus, what happened to your girlfriend?” Luther says
“Aw, Klaus, I’m so happy for you!” Allison gleefully says.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Dave.” Ben says with a wave.
“Oh, Klaus, that’s great!” Vanya says with a smile.
“I can’t say I’m surprised, but I just can’t believe he’s not the delivery guy.” Five says as he sips his drink.
“Klaus, I’m so happy for you two! I should go bake a cake to celebrate!” Grace says as she walks to the kitchen,
“Thanks, guys. It really means a lot. So, are there any questions you wanna ask?” Klaus says.
“What color are Klaus’ eyes?” Ben says as he slaps a hand over Klaus’ face to cover his eyes.
“Ben!” Klaus laughs. “I’m sure he knows what color they are.”
“They’re green with a little ring of brown around the pupil. And when he’s in the sun, you can see a going of gold in the right one.” Dave says.
“Ughhhh, that was too cheesy!” Ben says as he removes his hand from Klaus’ face.
“Is Klaus sober?” Diego says. “Because if I find out you’re his drug dealer I swear-“
“Don’t worry.” Dave says. “Klaus has been sober for two months.”
“TWO MONTHS?!” Luther says with a mouthful of food, spraying some crumbs on the table.
“Yeah, Luther, you were at the family meeting when I said it.” Klaus says.
“Oh, I thought that was a joke. Sorry, Klaus.” Luther says.
“Why hasn’t Klaus been over here if you’re not holding him hostage?” Diego asks, pointing his table knife at Dave.
“Diego!” Klaus whines.
“We started living together two months into our relationship.” Dave says.
“Do you love my Uncle Klaus?” Claire asks.
“Of course I do, he’s the best thing that’s happened to me.” Dave says before he gives Klaus a peck on the cheek.
“Hey!” Diego says. “No PDA at dinner!”
“That has never been a rule!” Klaus says.
“Well, now that my baby brother has a boyfriend, it is!” Diego retorts.
“We were born on the same day!” Allison replies.
“Regardless, he’s my baby brother. And I know 358 ways to protect him, ten of them blindfolded.” Diego says, staring right at Dave.
“Diego! Stop threatening him, you just met him!” Klaus interferes.
“And I said no violence in front of Claire!” Allison says.
“Doesn’t matter.” Diego says. “Also it’s not violence, it’s protection.”
“Diego, you’re just trying to act intimidating like you weren’t serenading the shampoo bottle in the shower today.” Eudora says with a smile.
“You’re dead to me.” Diego says with a straight face as everyone laughs.
“So, Dave?” Ben says. “When’s the next monthly brunch?”
“It’s actually this weekend.” Dave says. “But not at the diner, their head cook is on vacation and I don’t trust the other cooks.”
“You two KNOW EACH OTHER?!” Diego says. “AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO TELL US, BEN?!”
“You never asked.” Ben laughs.
“Okay, who else knew of Klaus’ not-so-mysterious boyfriend?” Diego says.
Allison, Ben, Eudora, and Five raise their hands.
“Five?” Allison says. “How?”
“You can get a lot of information out of someone when they sleep talk.” Five shrugs.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Dave jokes. “That’s how I found out where my birthday gift was.”
“Is that why you weren’t that surprised?” Klaus sulks.
“Oh, baby, no. I loved the gift and love the gift, even if I knew what it was beforehand.” Dave says as he turns to face Klaus.
“I hope so, I put a lot of thought into that gift.” Klaus says.
“I know, baby, and that’s why I love it so much.” Dave smiles.
“What was the gift?” Claire asks.
“A picnic at the planetarium.” Dave says. “I’m a big fan of astronomy.”
“Awwww.” Claire and Allison coo.
“This is so domestic, it hurts.” Ben says as he clutches his chest.
~~~
Everyone asks Klaus and Dave many more questions, and Dave is happy to answer all of them.
After dinner, Claire invites Klaus to start a Disney marathon in the living room.
“I built a big fort with Pogo earlier, Uncle Klaus!” Claire happily says.
“Master Klaus, it is quite impressive, if I may say so myself.” Pogo says.
“Well, if it’s Pogo-approved, I have to see it.” Klaus says before Claire drags him into the living room, the two laughing.
After Klaus leaves, Dave is left to wash the dishes with Diego and Ben.
“So...” Diego says. “Do you know how to escape handcuffs?”
“W- what?!” Dave sputters, nearly dropping a plate.
“It’s a simple question.”
“Diego, leave him alone. He’s actually good for Klaus. No matter how domestic they are.” Ben defends.
“Thank you, Ben.” Dave says.
“But if you dare hurt him, I’ll get Diego to tie you up and show you his extensive knife collection.” Ben continues.
“Some are sharp enough to cut through metal.” Diego points out.
“Guys, I know that you care about Klaus. I do too. But I would never hurt him, I really do love him. Also, how is that even possible?” Dave says.
“Doesn’t matter. And how do we know you’re different from the others?” Diego says while rinsing a sharp knife.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be focusing on how I’m different, but rather how Klaus is different.” Dave says.
“What do you mean?” Diego asks as he puts down a wash towel.
“He’s gotten sober, he’s actually eating, and he even has a job. He’s actually changed, and you guys didn’t even notice it.” Dave says.
“We’ve noticed, we just-“ Diego starts.
“—didn’t know that it was him changing for the better.” Dave finishes.
~~~
Later on in the night, Dave goes to Allison’s room to talk. After talking to her for a while, Dave walks into the living room to see Klaus and Claire asleep in a pile of blankets under a very impressive couch fort.
Dave reaches for the remote and pauses the movie playing on screen.
“Hey, babe.” Dave whispers as he leans down and gently shakes Klaus’ arm.
“Unggh, we’re still watching it, Diego.” Klaus mumbles before turning over into a fluffy blanket.
Dave chuckles. “Babe, c’mon, it’s time for bed.”
“Hmmm?” Klaus says as he slowly wakes up. “What time is it?”
“It’s 1:14 am.” Dave says after checking his phone.
“Mmm, maybe I should go to bed.” Klaus says.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take Claire upstairs, you just go to bed.” Dave says.
“You don’t even know your way around the house.” Klaus laughs.
“How hard can it be to find you?”
~~~
The answer is very, very hard.
Dave has been stumbling through the mansion’s halls for about ten minutes now, and he’s gotten nowhere.
All of sudden, Five pops in front of him, covered with a blueish light.
“Why are you on the seventh floor?” Five asks while holding a cup of steaming coffee.
“How many floors are in this place?” Dave grumbles while rubbing his eye with his hand.
“A lot. Are you looking for Klaus?” Five says.
Dave nods.
“Let’s go.” Five says as he grabs Dave’s arm.
“Where are we going?” Dave asks before him and Five are basked in a blue light and appear in Klaus’ room.
“FIVE!” Klaus yelps, nearly falling off the bed.
“Here’s your delivery.” Five says before he disappears again.
“Dave, are you okay?” Klaus chuckles. “You look green.”
“I’m fine.” Dave reassures before he sits on the bed. “Just tired. And missed you.”
“Awwww.” Klaus coos before he wraps Dave in a hug. “You wanna go to bed?”
Dave nods, letting out a big yawn.
Klaus flops down onto the pillows on his bed.
Dave snuggles up behind him and starts to fall asleep.
“Dave.” Klaus says.
“Hmm.” Dave hums, nearly asleep.
“Who’s gonna turn off the light?” Klaus asks.
“You do it.” Dave mumbles.
“Fine.” Klaus says. “But this is a one-time thing, okay? Hell, who am I kidding?”
Klaus raises a hand that gives off a blue glow from its palm. He lifts up a stuffed unicorn and it rises from the floor. He launches the stuffed animal at the light switch. It hits it, covering the room in darkness.
“Honey?” Dave says.
“Yes, Davey?” Klaus asks.
“What was that?” Dave asks.
“I told you I was practicing.” Klaus giggles.
Dave sits up.
“Wait was that- Did you- Honey, I’m so proud of you!” Dave gushes before he plants little kisses across Klaus’ face.
Klaus starts to laugh, a light blush creeping up his neck. “Okay, okay, Dave! We actually have to go to sleep now!”
~~~
Klaus woke up to the sound of rapid knocking on his door before he heard a voice.
“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing in there!” Diego says before he busts the door open and marches into the room, wearing his vigilante gear.
“Wha’ d’ y’ want?” Klaus mumbles before he pushes his head into Dave’s chest, who is still lightly snoring above him.
“Breakfast is ready, so get... decent. AND LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN!” Diego says as he walks out of Klaus’ room, leaving the door wide open.
“Ughhhhh!” Klaus moans as he tries to push himself up, but Dave’s hands tighten around his waist.
“Mmmm, sleeppppp.” Dave whines.
“If we don’t get up in five minutes, he’s gonna come back with his brand-new knives.” Klaus says as he sits up and rubs at his eyes.
“What time is it, anyway?” Dave asks.
“Uhhhhh, nine thirty.” Klaus says as he squints at his digital clock on his desk.
“Fine,” Dave says as he steps out of bed. “,I guess we have to start being productive now.”
“So, who’s going to the bathroom first?” Klaus asks.
“Oh shit, I didn’t bring a toothbrush!” Dave says as he rubs his hand over his face.
“Mouthwash?” Klaus suggests.
“You’re disgusting.” Dave says.
~~~
As Klaus and Dave walk into the kitchen, they see Ben and Diego talking, Ben sitting cross-legged on the kitchen island. Luther is next to them, making a smoothie at the kitchen counter.
“Whose idea was it to be awake before noon?” Klaus says before he stretches in an exaggerated way.
“Anyone who has a normal sleep schedule.” Diego says as he steals a banana penny from Luther’s pile of chopped fruit.
“Normal is such a boring word, though.” Klaus says as he levitates off the ground and sits on the refrigerator.
“Uhhhhhhhhhh-“ Luther says as he gawks at Klaus.
“Klaus, why are you floating?” Diego asks.
“I told you guys I was sober, and one of the perks of sobriety is getting new powers. It’s like I have a new power every day.” Klaus says.
After Klaus says that, Five teleports into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.
“Klaus, why are you on the fridge again? I told you not to exhaust your powers unless you have enough energy.” Five sighs as he grabs the bag of coffee grounds.
“You knew about this?” Diego asks.
“Yeah, I’ve been helping him control his powers. Didn’t want another Vanya situation on our hands.” Five says as he pours water into the coffee filter and slams the lid down.
“Why weren’t we notified?” Luther asks. “I thought we kept no secrets now.
“Do you know how many times everyone else has seen him levitate or move something without touching it? It’s not a secret, you’re just oblivious.” Five says.
“Dave, did YOU know?” Diego says, whipping his head around to look at Dave, who was talking to Ben.
“I found out about a week into our relationship. It’s not that hard to hide floating in midair.” Dave chuckles.
“It’s like there’s no transparency in this family!” Diego says.
“Diego-“ Klaus says while laughing.
“NONE, I SAY!” Diego says as he walks out of the kitchen.
~~~
“So,” Dave starts as Klaus and Dave sit on the couch together, a movie playing in the background. “do you think everything’s fine now?”
“I can’t speak for Diego and his protective brother instinct, but I’d say yes.” Klaus says as he nuzzles into Dave’s chest.
“Thank god my pinky is safe.” Dave laughs.