Chapter Text
JADE: you know
JADE: being isolated for so long really gives you time to think
JADE: to reflect i guess
JADE: ...
JADE: the one thing that always would float around my head
JADE: when things got too quiet
JADE: "am i really me?"
JADE: there are a lot of moments where i dont know who i am
JADE: being told i was special
JADE: that what i was doing had a purpose
JADE: a big grand scheme that was going to fix everything!
JADE: i put up with everything you know?
JADE: every single piece of shit that was slung at me
JADE: i took with a smile because i thought to myself
JADE: "ha! this is all going to work out in the end!"
The Harley leans herself back against the cushions of the couch, wishing she could just sink into them and never come back out. From behind her round lenses, her bright green eyes flicker dimly as she stares off into the empty space of her room.
JADE: i wish i could kill the past me
JADE: or at the very least
JADE: i wish i could grab past me by the shoulders
JADE: "its okay to show your emotions!"
JADE: "its okay to be upset by stuff that upsets you!"
JADE: "you dont need to try and be strong all the time!"
JADE: "its! normal! to! feel! things!!!"
Her arms dart out as she mimes out the action of shaking someone by the shoulders. Jade's mind ran for a second, wondering just how different things would be if her 13 year old self ran up against what she currently was. The dog ears were cute, but the emotional emptiness sort of countered that out in the long run.
JADE: if the universe is just fucking with me it could be doing it better
JADE: it could be a little bit more creative here
JADE: being alone and then... more alone! wow!
JADE: what a big fucking surprise!!
JADE: "oh heres some isolation, sprinkled in with a little bit of feeling not good enough and just a dash of not even being fully human hoo hoo hoo"
JADE: ...
JADE: that was mean, im sorry nanna
But Nannasprite was not there. No one was there. Jade Harley sat alone on her couch. Talking to a television set that wasn't even on. Her arms fall back to her sides weakly, like a puppet without strings as she continued to force herself into the couch, absolutely determined to sink herself in between the cushions and float off to a happier timeline.
Her 13 year old self would be so disappointed in her. And the thought of that stung so deeply into the girl's heart she thought she was about to cry. Slowly her legs unbundle themselves from underneath her hips so she could pull them towards her chest. Jade hugged herself tight. Maybe that's why Davesprite had left. She never got the chance to figure out the optimal pressure for an embrace.
JADE: i miss the island
JADE: i miss bec
JADE: i miss my old room and my squiddles and humanimals
JADE: i miss my bass
JADE: i miss my greenhouse
JADE: it stinks, it really does
JADE: so many fucking years of sitting around thinking that i was never going to miss them
JADE: that as soon as i got to see my friends it was all going to be in the past
JADE: "oh when i get to see john and rose and dave that place is going to be old news!"
JADE: haha! well i guess the joke was no no its not!
JADE: and now all i want to do is go back!
Her body jolts upright and in a sudden burst of energy Jade leaps from the couch. Her feet slam into the golden floor beneath as her voice cracks, her hands ball into fists and she howls out in pain before collapsing onto the floor. No longer could she just hope for the sudden embrace of her narcolepsy to pull her away from this reality. To propel her into a world that wasn't... this.
JADE: youre selfish jade...
JADE: youre selfish and stupid...
Jade Harley is alone.
She is alone and crying herself to sleep on the middle of the floor.
Only this time, there would be no dreams. No fanciful flights over serene landscapes that as a child had seemed to be so impossibly beautiful. Just the cold metal of the floor beneath her and the groaning sobs that came from her trembling lips and eventually even those fell silent as she drifted off.
Maybe tomorrow would bring something better.