Chapter Text
"Oh my god!" No-longer-a-prince Leo bitches once they're all away from the throne room. "Who knew we'd ever have to worry about Hans, of all people?"
"First Hans assassinates King Garon of Nohr, a man who has demonstrated nothing but pure benevolence to him and who also happens to be our father, and now he has the nerve to strip us of our royal status at that," no-longer-crown-prince Xander rants angrily.
"Both of you, please take the time to cool down and consider this rationally," no-longer-a-princess Camilla chimes in. "Right now, our main priority is to keep the family safe andー Elise, are those Xanax pills?"
No-longer-a-princess Elise, who has not spoken a word for 3 hours, lets out a terrified gasp. "N-No?" she says, unconvincingly.
Camilla wastes no time in snatching the pills away from her nonetheless.
"Camilla is bringing up a crucial point," Leo speaks after clearing his throat, hoping to sound more intelligent. "Our family's safety might be at risk if we decide to occupy this palace any longer. For all we know, Hans could very well send his henchmen after us while we're asleep!"
"Excellent analysis, Leo," says Xander, sounding more paranoid than ever, which does absolutely nothing to reassure Elise. The poor girl is quietly sobbing in Camilla's cleavage. "We are in dire need of a safe place to stay and I fear that right now, our fastest solution is Mozu's farm."
The room falls into dead silence.
"Xander," Camilla is the one who breaks the atmosphere. "I understand that Father's passing has taken its toll on you and your mental stability, but your idea of lodging at Mozu's farm is completely insane. Please refrain from ever expressing your opinions in the future."
The former crown prince finds no retort to this and averts his gaze, finding comfort in staring at the ground instead. Meanwhile, Leo, who would usually step in with a master plan, is far too busy watching his sisters with much insistence, crazy determined to not let his envy show through.
The boy, who's always praised himself on being a true intellectual, never straying from his goals nor letting himself fall prey to such futile pursuits as emotions, had actually craved for Camilla's affections his whole life long. Like hell he was going to admit that, though, because you're not supposed to have a crush on your big sister. That's just fucked up. So Leo will pretend until he dies and fake it until he makes it.
"Guys!" Corrin's high-pitched voice pipes up, interrupting Leo's emo inner monologue. "There is still a viable option ahead of us, and it’s to seek shelter in the Shirasagi Castle."
There is yet another complete silence before comprehension dawns on all faces.
"Corrin, I hope you don't mean..." Camilla's voice trails off. Her anxieties are shared by the rest of the family, as Hoshido never trusted Nohr to begin with.
"Yes," Corrin asserts her authority on her siblings by t-posing, and relishes in seeing the looks of pure terror on their faces. "The Hoshidan royal family will welcome us with open arms, I'm sure of it. After all, we don't support Hans' government and we've practically been evicted from the castle, which means both the Hoshidan and the Nohrian royalty can unite against a common enemy!"
"Overruled," interrupts Leo like he's some kind of lawyer. "If we have to stoop this low then I'd much rather we took refuge in Mozu's decrepit farm."
Leo's first encounter with Prince Takumi had not gone too well, to say the least; the dark mage had accidentally courted the Hoshidan prince, who just happened to be cross-dressing at that time. For some reason, Prince Takumi had allegedly agreed to model for his retainer. Whatever the reason for this was, the confrontation had left Leo terribly upsetー Prince Leo of Nohr, fooled like this! He would not stand for another humiliation from Prince Takumi, even if it meant insulting his mum the next time they went toe-to-toe.
"Seconded," Xander goes ahead and shares his opinion anyway. "Father wouldn't be too pleased about his children venturing into Hoshidan territory and making friends with the enemy."
Looking back on his memories, Xander feels uncomfortable at the idea of asking King Ryoma for help; the two former princes never seemed to have it in them to set aside their differences and build an actual friendship. What's worse, their only attempts at grown-ups communication revolved around sending spies after each other, and Xander felt sick of dealing with goddamn ninjas scrutinising his every move.
Corrin lets out an exasperated sigh. "Oh my god, Xander, Hans is the enemy here, not the Hoshidans!"
"Wow," Elise chirps cheerfully. "Xander, you really do have a problem!"
Xander did not expect his youngest sister going all sassy on him. He goes silent, only staring at the ground all sadly to convey his affliction.
Elise was indeed the only one excited at the idea of harassing Princess Sakura and blackmailing her into forming a music band together.
"As for you, Leo, if you agree that Mozu's farm is a terrible idea, I hope you're prepared to come up with another solution because right now, Hoshido might be the safest bet if we want to overthrow Hans' government and make Nohr great again," Corrin says.
But Leo only scoffs at this. "Do you realise merging with the Hoshidan royals would mean surrendering to their... exotic customs? Is that it? You all want to walk around in yoo-ka-tahs and eat ta-kow-ya-kee all day?"
No one understands what the hell Leo is blabbering about, and no one wants to understand anyway.
"Leo, what the fuck," Corrin breathes. "Who said we were merging with them, we're only seeking shelter and strengthening our political ties!"
"I don't think the Hoshidan royal household would want you anyway!" Elise adds cheerily.
Leo chokes on his saliva. Xander pats his back awkwardly.
"Corrin is right, we need to flee this place as soon as possible," Camilla insists. "Let us get a move on!"
"Off to Hoshido!" Corrin's rallying cry echoes lamely in the air. The former royals mount whatever creature they have available, and dramatically gallop off into the sunset. Xander stops his horse in mid course and turns around to face Leo, who's pressing his delicate hand against his soft, wounded heart in a dramatic fashion.
"I must inform you," Xander states, matter-of-factly as always, "Your Adidas pants are ripped near the posterior area."
"Ok boomer" Leo replies defiantly and rushes off on his horse with no explanation.