Chapter Text
Everyone has a breaking point...be it snapping on others out of frustration, or simply not being able to contain such negative emotions and committing scandalous actions.
The story of Wei Ying | Wei WuXian.
An orphan at an early age surviving in the cruel world, to the highly praised Senior’s disciple at Lotus Pier. Because of his enchanted abilities and skills, Madame Yu always scoffed at him and spoke badly of him. Be it public or private, everyone knew her ill words were honest and truthful. She didn’t hold back, calling him a worthless and disgraceful troublemaker who should’ve never come to Lotus Pier. Stay at the cold streets to starve and let the hungry dogs eat him alive. She even mentioned how she’ll praise the dogs if they commit the action. She stopped her wicked jokes when Jiang Fengmian glared at her. Yet, she felt triumph surge through her when Wei Wuxian started shivering in fright, giving the concerned siblings’ a smile and excusing himself to his room.
Unknown to them, that was the start of Wei WuXian’s breakdown.
Many years later, the tormenting became worse. Madame Yu had a liking to training the senior disciple to the bone. Her training was already ridiculously rough, but what she made Wei Ying experience was gruesome. Runnings laps until exhaustion and practicing fighting stances until she was satisfied were a few gentle methods he would endure. The worst ones were methods that cultivators his level would not be able to perform, which is why she made him go through it. When he couldn’t take the pain anymore, she would continue slandering him with negative insults. Even going so far as to bring out Zidian and whip him until she’s satisfied or Jiang Fengmian or the siblings would stop her. Either way, he’ll end up as a bloodied and exhausted mess, needing to be heavily treated. This happened for several years: Wei Ying going through such brutal tactics, being labeled as worthless, being treated for his injuries by Jiang Yanli, and repeat. Repeat, repeat, and repeat.
The reason why the town of Lotus Pier admired Wei Wuxian was because of his personality. His outshining, easygoing, and helpful personality. His beautiful smile was as golden as the sun. They could assume he remained smiling through the beatings because he had Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng by his side. Yanli is a sweet girl who always watched over her brothers, but had such a soft spot for her dear Xian. Jiang Cheng was always scolding him about being such a troublemaker and so reckless, but they knew he had a spot in his heart for Wei Ying. Evidence being Jiang Cheng always mentioning that Wei Wuxian would be his subordinate when he becomes sect leader. Wei Wuxian felt the warmth in his heart, at least feeling a bit loved by his Uncle Jiangmian and his two siblings. He smiled through the pain.
He made friends when he entered into a new environment completely different from his own; The Cloud Recesses. A new lifestyle, another addition to his breaking point. Nie Huaisang is a dear friend he can always be reckless with. Wen Ning is such an adorable and shy introvert he’ll love to tease more often. Wing Qing is an odd one, but he definitely sees them being friends in the future. He didn’t count the Peacock as a friend, more as an enemy because of the arranged marriage. Last but not least, was one of the Twin Jades of Gusu Lan, Hanguang-Jun. He didn’t know why he was so interested in the teenager. Maybe because he wanted to get a rise out of him, see him out of character for just a second. See him as something more than being so boring and strict like his Uncle Lan QiRen. So he did what he usually does, be himself. He broke the rules he didn’t mean too, bothered and pestered Lan Wangji out of interest, and schemed mayhem with Nei Huaisang every now and then.
This led to the next character bashing him. Lan QiRen gave him the stink eye the moment he first entered in Gusu. The teenager didn’t even know why the man had such hatred for him. Over the last few months in class, Lan QiRen let his distaste show whenever Wei Ying so much as question back or do anything non-Gusu-like. He had to admit, Wei WuXian is an extremely smart and talented young cultivator. Yet, he would rather break all of Cloud Recesses’ rules than reveal that fact. He only mentioned the negatives. He said how he is such an embarrassment to the Jiang Sect. Why couldn’t he be as disciplined as his nephew Lan Wangji and behave like a proper cultivator? And when he saw the mischievous disciple bother his prodigy nephew every day, the insults became worse, personal. He moved the student at the far end of the class, so the troublemaker wouldn’t tarnish his nephew.
Be it in the classroom, Wei Wuxian still had ways to ‘communicate’ with Lang Wangji. They spent their time in the Library Pavilion, the Cold Springs, fought together, etc. Lang Wangji becoming less obedient lately made QiRen made up his mind about Wei Wuxian. When he saw the youngster passing by with his friends, he let pettiness take over him. Oh, the hypocrisy when he said out loud how the brat had the audacity to talk to Gusu-Lan’s prodigy. The son of a mere servant isn’t worthy of his nephew, for he is too hard-headed, reckless, disobedient, and undeserving of Lan Wangji’s attention. He couldn’t help but smirk as said student only laughed and scurried away from wandering eyes. The eyes belonged to those who were bound to talk and spread rumors. QiRen hummed as he wandered off, oblivious to the fact he carelessly broke well-known rules out of pettiness and made Wei WuXian truly start to doubt himself.
“Am I truly such a bad person for two honorable cultivators too hate my guts? Do I deserve such beatings and insults? Is my personality such a hindrance to endure?” Such thoughts continued shrouding his minds for years. His self-worth lowered when Madame Yu honestly considered cutting off his hand. Wen Zhuliu talking trash about him added more emotional pain to his weakened state. Then, he and Jiang Cheng were trapped by Zidian on the boat. Unlike Jiang Cheng, he didn’t struggle, only watched the woman in silence. Madame Yu jumped at the chance of repeating the words he heard ever since he first arrived at Lotus Pier.
“You caused all this! If only you would’ve stayed on the streets!” Then, she made him swore to protect Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli on his life. He scoffed. ‘A mere servant shall obey their master’s commands’, he thought bitterly. He was going to protect them even if she didn’t demand it. Their lives were way more precious than his, that he can agree with Madame Yu.
This is why he made no hesitation of going back to save Jiang Cheng, letting Jiang Cheng blame his existence for the massacre of Lotus Pier; his friends and family dead without a proper burial. He pleaded for Wing Qing to start the Golden Core procedure, believing his brother deserve a core to continue living life as a cultivator. When the procedure was in progress, Wei Ying kept reminding himself that this suffering pain was what he deserved.
And as he’s falling through the Burial Mounds, he smiled and closed his eyes.
Only to reopen them again with two choices he had to choose immediately. He felt disappointed that he couldn’t even die and leave the earth without trouble targeting him. Demonic spirits were clawing at his skin, whispering at him to join them. Three months he trained to master Demonic Cultivation, and killing Wen Chao had been very satisfying. Seeing Jiang Cheng at his full glory made him smile, and Lan Wangji being concerned for him made him confused and a bit excited. However, those dark thoughts rummaged through his mind, cursing at him for thinking Hanguang-Jun has the time to worry about him. The excitement turned to emptiness, but his smile was still plastered on. If Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji noticed the smile was forced, they didn’t mention it.
Another breaking point. The Wen remnants were the source that keeps his temper under control. Wen Qing mentioned how bipolar he had become, and having a flashback of discovering Wen Ning’s death, the Jin sect’s cruelty towards the innocent, and the world speaking negatively of him, he agreed with Qing’s claim. He’s angry in one minute then deeply depressed the next. Negative words towards him were having a stronger effect on him. He heard the townsfolk talk. The daily gossip of him being an arrogant monster wasn’t surprising to him at all. No matter how much Wen Ning tried to distract him from their conversations, Wei Ying couldn’t help but hate his own existence even more. He wanted to scream at them,
‘Why am I the target of anything negative? Isn’t what I’m doing is justice? The remaining Wens are innocent, yet they do not care at all! It’s not fair! How could the sects believe in Jin Guangshan and not be suspicious of his lust for power? I’m so tired. I just want to sleep.’ When depressing moments filtered in, there were a few happy ones to distract him from reality. The Wens treated him not only as their hero, but as a family, and he hadn't felt this way in a long time. A-Yuan always seeking attention from him, Qing putting up with his antics, Ning making him feel a bit better of himself, and everyone else treating him as a normal human being. The feeling of being loved and needed was warm and very overwhelming indeed. He craved for this feeling every day, even though his self-doubt and hatred tear him apart, he let himself be happy during these moments.
The last pure moments was the time the Wens and he gardened the Lotus Roots in the Burial Mound. Moments before the ambush, and Jin Zixuan’s death. Wei Wuxian harassed Wen Ning at the incident, but he knew, deep down inside, he was the one to blame. He was the murderer with the knife he couldn’t control. He blames himself. For Jin Zixuan’s death and making Wen Ning feel awfully guilty. The worst reason, though, was taking away one of his dear sister’s shine of happiness from her. The amount of awkward tension flowing through those two, he was relieved they finally gotten married (he’ll never admit it). They’ve barely been married long for them to be separated once again from the annoying burden of a brother, Wei WuXian. Now, his dearest nephew is fatherless because of his sad excuse of an uncle. Wei WuXian is truly tired. Not tired enough to let Wen Qing and Ning follow their plan of surrendering themselves to the Jin sect, but he was paralyzed at the moment. He cried and struggled, begging them not to go. Even when he was contained, he thought of ways for the Wens to be cleared of any incidents.
Wen Qing mentioned how selfless he was, but she knew how he was truly suffering inside. The night when he was drunk was a dead giveaway of how he felt about himself. Him repeatedly calling himself useless while silently crying made several alarming bells ring in her head. While watching him fall asleep, she wondered how could no one see this suffering man doing the most righteous thing ever. He was the only one to save them when everyone else saw them as evil. Hopefully, turning themselves in would make things better for Wei WuXian.
Obviously, it did not. He was mentally unstable, not thinking clearly and in a depressing state when entering Nightless City. Looking at his family hang from above, he wondered how it would’ve felt with it wrung around his neck, in pain from rope burn and not being able to breathe while struggling. He sadly chuckled, would he even struggle? He’s unsure. He’s tired, but he still had Wangji, his brother and sister. He let out a tired huff and continued the journey to Nightless City.
He cringed at himself for being so weak and sensitive towards the insults thrown at him. He also couldn’t help but laugh at the ones tormenting him. How could they be so hypocritical? So when an arrow is shot through him, they scream victoriously, but when he commits self-defense, killing the cultivator, he is labeled as vicious, heartless, cold-blooded. The list can go on forever. The words from others were tearing him apart, and the words from himself and his demons were tearing him apart. He’s so tired, wants to sleep and never wake up. But that will make his sister sad, and he doesn’t want that at all.
Not that it matters anymore. His sister is dead because of him. How could he live in this world knowing he is the bane of everyone's existence. With the Wen remnants and his sister gone, what’s the point of living? There is no more happiness left for him. He was confused as to why Wangji was grabbing his arm so tightly as he dangled in the air. His past flashed before his eyes, moments of him being together with the quiet Lan member. Those moments were sacred in his heart. Wangji’s existence always soothed his temper, made the bad and depression emotions flow away. He feels at home with the other. He’s always saddened when they depart, but he’s overcome with joy at the thought of meeting him again. Lan Zhan’s so handsome. He looks so cold, but he’s such a kind person when you know him better. Wei Ying wasn’t sure if this is what liking someone felt. Yanli’s description being of most likely having butterflies churning in the stomach and being nervous. He didn’t feel that at all. Instead, he felt confidant. Screw himself for thinking he wasn’t worthy of speaking to the legendary Hanguang-Jun, he’s going to die anyway, so he might as well tell him!
That current moment, Jiang Cheng appeared and damned him to hell, hitting the rock, and Wei Ying’s instincts of keeping Wangji out of danger, made him snatch his arm out of his grasp. Wei Ying didn’t flail a single limb. He let gravity pull him down to the resentful energy environment. He let his honest words towards Wangji come out, shocking both Jiang Cheng and Wangji. Knowing now that Wangji knew his deep affection for him, Wei Ying embraced death. He closed his eyes for the second time, wishing that when his body splat on the ground, he is truly dead and never awaken. He regrets several things. He made mistakes. He cried. He laughed. He truly did his best for the Wens to survive. He hates himself for ruining his sister’s life. He knew he’ll never fix that special brotherly bond between him and Jiang Cheng. There’s so much he can never fix. He didn’t want to, not anymore since death is upon his door. He’s tired. He wants to sleep.
Sleep was what he gets.
While watching him fall, Cheng and Wangji felt their bones freeze to why the always smiling and rebellious Wei Ying looked like a graceful angel accepting his fate. Indeed, Wei WuXian was smiling. He was close to his breaking point.