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Catra had started scratching tally marks on the wall.
While she never fully knew when twenty four hours would past, she was able to make assumptions based off of the times guards would deliver her meals. Today she made her first slash, marking five days since Glimmer and Bow had left her.
She was doing pretty well with keeping herself busy. Aligned with the tally marks, she’s been drawing little pictures all around her cell wall using the sharp edge of her nails. Her artistic abilities were pretty lackluster but they have also been getting progressively better as the days went by. She thinks in another lifetime, drawing would have been a hobby of hers.
After fourteen tallies had been marked, she started creating exercise routines to keep herself active. Though her strength was at an all time low with a bare minimum supply of food being fed to her, she still gave it her all when it came to daily sit ups and planks.
After twenty three tally marks, she had run out of room to draw pictures on the wall. She began to make the floor her canvas, ignoring how it was more difficult to make crisp lines with the uneven texture of the ground.
After thirty one days, Catra cried for the first time since she had been captured. She didn’t let herself grieve for long however: one reason because she needs to stay as hydrated as possible, but the more important reason being her not wanting to appear as weak in front of the guards. They never spoke to her, barely looked at her in fact, but she has come to appreciate the familiar faces, despite their hostile attitudes.
Plus, without them, she wouldn’t know how many days had passed.
Catra hates that she’s become reliant, needy for normality, desperate for routine. She thinks she may be going insane.
~ ~ ~
Catra knows she’s going insane once day thirty five hits. She wakes up from her stiff and uncomfortable bed just to see the sight of Adora, hair in a tight ponytail and wisps framing her face. Adora stares at her with a blankness in her eyes that Catra has never quite seen before.
She would be lying if she says she hasn’t thought about Adora since she’s been captured. She never seems to leave Catra’s mind, even after all this time.
Even after all this betrayal.
Right away, Catra knows that this isn’t the real Adora. Solely for the reason that Adora has never been this empty in her life. Even when in the Horde, she has always been is a ray of light: bright, moving and full of energy and emotion in a way that Catra could never be.
But right now, Adora kept a poker face that Catra knows she would never be able to maintain if this wasn’t a hallucination. So, she ignores her and continues on with her plans.
Today, she does pushups, focusing on her arms and upper strength. She has to take a few breaks in between, black spots taking over her vision, but she manages to complete two hundred pushups after a significant amount of time (or at least what feels like a significant amount of time).
When she’s finished, she’s sweaty and sore all over. She checks the corner of the room, and sees Adora still standing there, staring at her with the same void expression.
Huh.
She lays down and takes a nap, and while she doesn’t know how long she’s out, she can assume that it’s been a few hours because she wakes up to the sound of the door slamming open and food being thrown in her direction.
Eventually, Catra begrudgingly gets up, walking to the other side of the wall to mark another day. Once she completes her task, she turns and physically jumps when she sees Adora once again.
“What the hell?” She hasn’t used her voice in over a month, and she cringes at how hoarse it sounds in her ears.
Adora doesn’t respond. She continues to stare and takes a step forward. Catra takes a step back.
“Get out of my head” she says because it’s been far too long now. Catra had been ignoring Adora in the hopes that she would eventually leave her alone. She realizes now that it’s not going to be that easy.
Adora takes another step and this time Catra feels paralyzed on her feet.
Surprisingly, Adora doesn’t approach her again, she simply tilts her head as if she’s insinuating a challenge. Then, she walks back to her original spot in the corner of the cell, unmoving yet somehow relentless.
Catra eats her stale bread and goes back to sleep.
~ ~ ~
It’s day forty one when Catra attempts to speak to the illusion again.
“Why are you here?”
Catra wasn’t expecting a response, and was unfazed when she didn’t get one, but what did take her by surprise was when Adora moved to sit directly in front of her. She met Catra’s gaze, soulless as ever, and mimicked her sitting position, legs crossed together and hands resting on her knees.
“I don’t want to see you.” Catra first attempted the blunt approach.
No response.
“Leave me alone.”
Nothing.
“Come on, you’ve already left me once, I know you can do it again.”
Silence.
Catra lets out a scream of aggravation, her temper getting the best of her. She didn’t think she would ever get the hallucination to disappear.
But she hasn’t given up yet.
“What can I do to make you leave” she practically yells the words, not caring who hears her at this point. She’s surprised they haven’t killed her weeks ago.
Adora simply stares.
Catra screams.
~ ~ ~
It’s day forty three when Catra tries to draw Adora.
She has limited space at this point, so she has to make the drawing relatively small. Because of this, it’s difficult to add details to the portrait. Despite these hindrances, the hallucination of Adora is a perfect model, standing as still as ever. This makes it easier to sketch her face out.
In the end, Catra doesn’t think she did a very good job. While it vaguely resembles Adora, it’s missing a few sharp edges that define her face. The edges that make Adora so memorable. The portrait on the floor makes her look too soft, too vulnerable.
So, Catra tries again.
It’s day forty seven when she finally creates a drawing of Adora that she’s actually pleased with. She moves out of the way to show the hallucination her work.
“Look, I did it.”
Adora silently walks over and stares down at her handiwork, and despite knowing that this isn’t the real Adora, Catra begins to feel anxious with the thought that she might not like it.
Adora looks up at Catra and gives her a small smile, signaling her approval.
It’s the happiest Catra has felt in a long time, even before she was captured.
~ ~ ~
On day fifty one, Catra begins talking to Adora like she’s actually there, no longer caring about the lack of response and simply content of having the illusion of someone listening to her.
She talks about everything, her hopes and aspirations, funny stories that happened while they were split a part, conspiracy theories of why Horde Prime hasn’t killed her yet.
She and Adora had come to the conclusion that he wants her to go insane.
His plan worked.
One day, she’s speaking about the drawings all around her cell when Adora steps in front of her and moves her pointer finger to her lips, hinting Catra to stop talking.
While she is momentarily confused, she does as Adora commands and seconds later, the door across the room slams open and her daily piece of stale bread is thrown to the ground. Once the guard leaves, Catra speaks once more.
“Hey, thanks.”
Of course, Adora doesn’t respond. Instead she walks over to the tally marked wall and points at it expectantly. Catra follows her and marks day sixty eight.
~ ~ ~
It’s day seventy five when Adora finally says something.
Catra had ran out of space to make drawings a long time ago, so now she describes to Adora what she would draw if she had the room. She still does her daily exercises, even after all this time, and Adora watches her from across the room.
More than anything however, she sleeps.
She sleeps with the hope that she will have a dream. A chance to escape the cell even for a little bit, and while she always wakes up with an intense feeling of anger and disappointment, she can’t help but be grateful for the dream nevertheless.
This time, she has a nightmare, the real Adora is in it and she hates her. She doesn’t forgive her for the sins she’s committed. She calls her a monster.
Catra is startled awake and immediately seeks comfort from the hallucination of Adora. She stands there as always, and stares with those emotionless eyes. Catra rushes to her and falls to her knees, a combination of desperation and regret taking over her.
“I’m sorry Adora- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry- I messed up, I was just- I just couldn’t handle it and- and I’m so sorry.”
Catra continues her mantras as sobs consume her body. This is only the second time she has cried since she has been captured.
Adora leans down so she reaches eye level with Catra, and then she offers her a small smile. She swears Adora has never looked more beautiful.
“I forgive you.”
Catra was logical, and she knew that this Adora wasn’t real. She had pushed everyone away, and knew that no one wanted to save her. Despite this all, Catra feels overwhelmed with love and joy. She has reached the point of insanity where she doesn’t care if it’s a hallucination, she simply doesn’t want to be alone anymore.
So, she pretends. She convinces herself that this is real.
After that day, she stopped scratching tally marks on the wall.