Work Text:
Winter became the season of mourning in Qing Jing peak. The numbness and bitterness of the cold are like a memory of the dead; the memory of Luo Binghe. It was his birthday today, the birthday nobody celebrated until after his death.
Shen Qingqiu smiled bitterly as he watched snow slowly fall to the ground. He never bothered to celebrate it as the system always bombarded him with missions and treats. He glanced at the body of his former disciple, his face was peaceful with a small smile, it was like he finally found peace.
He remembered the memory like yesterday. Binghe had smiled so brightly, so filled with pain and sadness. Shen Qingqiu had stood there as still as a stone, waiting for everything to settle in.
All the peak lords stared at him in sympathy and pity as he shakily traces the wound on Binghe’s chest, the gash right next to where he had made a wound when pushing his beloved disciple down the abyss.
They watched with pity as he knelt, his legs trembling. He put his hand over Binghe's heart and felt his entire world crash when there was no heartbeat. The skin turning eerily cold and his skin paled at the loss of blood.
'Ah...He's dead...'
He should be happy right? There's no one out to get revenge! There's nothing to be scared of anymore! Now the strongest person is out of their way, this should be all over right?
Then why does my heart hurt so much?
He remembered Binghe's eyes that were filled with pain. He remembered in the cell Binghe had asked if he regretted everything and the sadness in his eyes when he didn't answer. He remembered the pained smile he ignored when he pushed Binghe away when fighting the cultivators.
Shen Qingqiu had always brushed everything aside. He had never cared about Binghe getting into dangerous situations, trusting everything on the golden halo. He only cared about the future of his Sect and himself, during the plot, everything he had done was to save himself. Sometimes he forgets that Binghe is not just a character in a novel anymore. He forgets that Luo Binghe, like everyone else, also have feelings.
The moment he remembers, it's all too late. When Xin Mo had taken control, Shen Qingqiu had not expected Binghe to pour all his feelings out to them. He realized everything he was doing was wrong.
He laughed at himself. How selfish was he?! To show the protagonist everything he wanted, only to abandon him like any other people?! Wasn’t he just like the original, except even more vicious?!
Shen Qingqiu had now realized that Binghe would never disobey him. If only he had told him to go down the abyss with some bullshit excuse or anything to reassure the white lotus, this wouldn't have happened.
He grabbed Binghe's hand, his eyes burn at the coldness of it. He remembers this very hand he had stabbed and the very hand that had protected him, feed him, and was filled with warmth.
"Binghe... this master has failed you,” The peak lords did not dare to interrupt them. Even Tianlang-Jun had stayed quiet in the back. Xin Mo laid on the floor, blood coated around the blade. The blood had yet stopped flowing.
He didn't even get to say goodbye to Binghe. The death was fast but painful. The wound was right through the heart with Xin Mo, it would never heal in time, even with his heavenly demon blood.
He grasped the cold hand against his chest. Tears finally spilling out. Shang Qinghua was the first to stand up, he shooed everyone out the cave save for Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu, letting his friend grieve.
At that moment, Shen Qingqiu had wished the hand was filled with warmth again. He prayed and wished for his sticky disciple to come back, even if he's blackened.
The system for once was quiet.
*****
Liu Qingge had put aside his hate for the half-demon and had helped him carry Luo Binghe into the bamboo house. After that, nobody has seen Shen Qingqiu for 3 months.
Shen Qingqiu sat next to the body, transferring spiritual energy. He laughed at the twist of everything.
‘Binghe… is this karma? Isn’t this how you held me not even a year ago?’
Nobody dared to go into the bamboo house. Shen Qingqiu had refused to eat any food, having no appetite for anything. Not even the peak lords or Sect leader had dared to even visit. Qing Jing Peak has become a mourning peak.
Every day, the disciples would line up in front of the bamboo house, playing their qin and practicing. The qin can be heard from across every peak, but nobody dared to complain. The melody always melancholy, filled with pain and sadness.
Not even Bai Zhan Peak had gone to bother the Qing Jing disciples. If anyone even went near the mountain, all they can hear is the sad melody of the qin. Some even say it never stopped playing, even for a second.
In the third month, Shen Qingqiu finally came out. His eyes were lifeless and his figure was thinner than before, having not even eaten any meals for 3 months. His disciples gathered around their Shizun but didn’t dare to question or say anything.
Shen Qingqiu had rushed to An Ding Peak. Shang Qinghua who was filling out paperwork nearly fainted when he saw Shen Qingqiu.
“Cucumber bro! You have to take care of yourself!” Shen Qingqiu didn’t let him speak as he immediately blurted out, “How do you find souls?”
Shang Qinghua had expected his fellow transmigrator to ask this. He pulled out a scroll he’s been working on for 3 months and handed it to the Qing Jing peak lord. Shen Qingqiu carefully took it, as if dropping it can ruin every word written on the scroll.
“Inquiry should be able to find his soul,” Shang Qinghua said.
‘Unless it’s fractured into pieces,’ Shang Qinghua wanted to add, but he knew if he did, Shen Qingqiu might break down right in front of him, and that’s something he didn’t want to deal with. No matter how much he cares for his fellow transmigrator, comforting someone so broken is out of his ability.
Shen Qingqiu merely nodded and headed back to his peak, ignoring every state towards his way. He was going to get Binghe back, no matter what.
After that, every day without fail. They hear the strings of inquiry being played from inside the bamboo hunt. The disciples soon caught on. From morning to night, they played inquiry, in hopes of Luo Binghe’s spirit.
The answer was always the same.
No one answered
But nobody gave up, they played day and night. Even if their fingers bleed from playing, they continued. Even if they’re sick from the coldness of winter, they continued. They continued playing for their Shizun’s happiness.
“Luo Binghe I swear when you come back, you better make Shizun happy,” Ming Fan sneered in the front line with the guqin in his lap. His fingers numb and bright red from playing and the coldness.
“A-Luo… please come back,” Ning Yingying begged. Her fingers were bleeding, yet she continued to play. Her tears blurring her vision but she continued. She could no longer feel her legs, being numbed from kneeling every day.
Shen Qingqiu traced the scar left from Xin Mo with gentleness. He smiled bitterly at the corpse in front of him. His fingers were calloused from playing continuously every day. “Binghe… this master was wrong… please come back.”
*****
Shen Qingqiu opened his eyes, he looked around only to find himself in his dream. As there was no Luo Binghe’s corpse in front of him. He was in his bamboo house.
He turned around and saw a little boy, his figure small and kneeling in the dirt. His eyes wet with tears and his face was full of tears, his clothing was battered and stained with debris. The little boy has fluffy hair tied in a ponytail.
The little boy looked up and smiled brightly at his Shizun. His face bruised to the point it hurts to even move, but he still smiled at his Shizun.
“Shizun! The disciple promises he’ll try his hardest!”
Shen Qingqiu’s legs trembled. The tears in his eyes threatened to spill out, “Binghe?”
“Shizun! You’ll always be there right?” Shen Qingqiu couldn’t find his voice. His eyes blurred from tears. The little boy was startled at the tears and quickly scrambled to his feet. He hesitated but hugged his Shizun tightly.
“Shizun don’t cry! This disciple will be the best disciple ever! Don’t worry!”
‘Silly… you’re already the best.’
The little boy disappeared after that. Shen Qingqiu quickly tried to reach out but he was too late. His tears finally finding its way out.
*****
Shen Qingqiu gasped as he wakes up, he tore the blanket off him and ran to clumsily to where Luo Binghe laid. The body was right where he left it. He sobbed loudly as he held the cold hand tightly. All dignity and loftiness of a peak lord gone.
“Binghe, come back… please.”
The sobs of their Shizun can be heard from across Qing Jing peak. The disciples outside were shocked but didn’t stop playing. As if a miracle happened, there was a small response, it was small; it gave them hope.
“Shizun...”
The soul disappeared after that. For the first time in forever, Ning Yingying smiled. For the first time in nearly a year, they have hope. Even if it was small, it was still Luo Binghe. Even if Luo Binghe still refused to come back at the moment, they will play until he’s ready to return.
Ning Yingying, forgetting all her sadness, rushed up to the bamboo house. She knocked on the door excitedly. “Shizun Shizun! A-Luo responded!” The door was opened immediately, their Shizun’s sleeping robe was slightly wrinkled but it didn’t matter. Their Shizun for once; his eyes lightened up. “Where?”
“It was small! But it’s A-Luo!”
Shen Qingqiu looked at the body in his room. He smiled as he sat next to Binghe. His hand grasping the cold hand in his room, a habit he’s grown over these months. The hand was as cold as the snow, but it gave him hope and reassurance that Binghe is still there somewhere. That they still have a chance.
Ning Yingying smiled at her Shizun and closed the door lightly. It was truly a miracle, the first flicker of hope in months.
For the first time in many months, Qing Jing Peak had rested with hope inside them.
*****
Ever since that night, something had changed. The atmosphere around Qing Jing had changed. It was so sudden even Bai Zhan peak disciples were often caught sneaking around Qing Jing in curiosity.
Shen Qingqiu still refused to come out. But the disciples had looked so much happier, their eyes flicker with hope once in a while when playing their guqin. There were always small responses but it was enough. It was always the same response.
“Shizun.”
But it was enough for them.
Shen Qingqiu spends his days transferring spiritual energy to Luo Binghe and tracing over the 2 scars on his chest. His hand was always found holding Binghe’s hand tightly. He builds a habit of tracing Binghe’s scars.
Another habit of his that he’s grown over the year is cleaning the side room of his bamboo house. The side room is filled with memories; even the neat pile of robes placed on the desk. The side room was just as Binghe had left it the day of the Immortal Alliance Conference.
There were often times he would find himself looking back at the memories of them together. He often found himself laughing when he remembers all of the training always ended up with Binghe tripping and bumping into him and running 10 laps around the mountain for messing up so often. He remembered how he would always question if this is really the protagonist during those trainings.
He always finds himself drowning in his tears when looking back at those memories. The bright smile of Binghe. The white lotus always waking up in the morning and never failing to serve him breakfast. Then he would be hit with reality as the bright smile turned into pain and sadness.
The body of the half-demon is always so cold. Shen Qingqiu remembered when Luo Binghe first hugged him. He was filled with warmth and trust. He never got to feel that warmth ever again.
“I’ll wait for you to come back, even if it takes 300 years. This time, Shizun won’t leave you.”
Shen Qingqiu nearly laughed at the switch of position. He remembered how Binghe would spend every day of 5 years next to his corpse transferring spiritual energy and finding every method to bring him back. How his corpse was stolen and Binghe burned down Cang Qiong Mountain for it.
It was winter again. The coldness of winter doesn’t bother Qing Jing peak anymore, spending their entire in the cold kneeling while playing inquiry and practicing with their swords.
*****
It was 2 years later when Shen Qingqiu was inside his dream again. He can feel his heartbeat loudly in his ears when he sat up from his bed in his dream. There was a boy in front of him, a bright sword strapped to his hip. The boy pulled the sword out excitedly, eager to show his Shizun his fast progress and his first sword.
“Shizun! I finally got my sword! Will Shizun teach this disciple?” Shen Qingqiu chuckled, exasperated. Luo Binghe at this time already knew how to use a sword, he just wants his Shizun to stay near him.
“This master will teach you, listen carefully,” Shen Qingqiu helped him grip the sword. Before, Shen Qingqiu would whack Binghe in the head and tell him to read the manual. But now, he wants to be as close to the protagonist as possible.
Luo Binghe looked surprised, his face twisted into one of confusion as if he was expecting Shizun to reject him. His face was full of awe and his eyes were sparkling with excitement. He grinned brightly, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but smile back.
When Binghe finally grasped the sword correctly, his eyes sparkled with excitement and he turned towards his Shizun. “Shizun! Are you proud of me?”
“This master is very proud,” Shen Qingqiu said as his hand reached forward and patted Binghe on the head. His heart racing from the familiar feeling he missed so much. Luo Binghe looked at him in disbelief for a few seconds.
“Shizun, you won’t leave me right?”
“En, this master will forever wait for you.”
Luo Binghe smiled sadly as he reached forward and hugged his Shizun tight.
“Can you wait for a little bit more Shizun?”
The boy disappeared, leaving Shen Qingqiu alone in the training field in his dream.
*****
Shen Qingqiu woke up. His body feeling lighter than it ever did before in 2 years. For once, the bitterness of winter didn’t remind him of the memories he and Binghe spend together with warm food and stories.
He smiled at the body across the room. Not bothering to put on his boots, he walked bare feet towards his disciple. Shen Qingqiu gently grabbed his hand and smiled as he sends spiritual energy.
“Yes, this master will wait until you come back.”
*****
It was hitting the 6th year. Bai Zhan peak disciples at times come over. Instead of causing trouble like they usually did, they would watch Qing Jing disciples play inquiry. Some even brought blankets over to watch overnight.
Shen Qingqiu had even caught some who dared to sneak a peek into the bamboo house in curiosity. Some of his disciples had even come in and offered to transfer spiritual energy to let Shen Qingqiu rest but he refused.
Ning Yingying has made it her daily routine to come over with food and talk with her Shizun. She knew her Shizun never ate the food they had given but she was determined.
After Luo Binghe “fell” into the abyss, Shen Qingqiu had trouble eating food. No matter what food they send him, the highest quality, he wouldn’t even touch it. It took some bribing for him to even eat the congee. But now, no matter what they did, Shen Qingqiu refused to even look at the food.
Ming Fan had become more sincere over the years. He spends his days teaching the junior disciples and scolding them. Whenever he caught them bullying other disciples, he would force them to run around the mountain 20 times or until their legs give up. Shen Qingqiu smiled at the improvement. To think when he first transmigrated, Ming Fan was the leader of bullying the poor white lotus.
“Shizun! This disciple begs you to eat!” Ming Fan kneeled on the floor after he placed the congee down in front of Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu opened the fan and covered half his face as he averts his eyes from the scene in front of him.
“Please stand,” he commanded. But Ming Fan was insistent and stubborn. He continued to kneel on the ground as if it could get Shen Qingqiu to eat.
“Ming Fan, go practice your sword with the other disciples… this master will eat later,” Shen Qingqiu said, guilty knowing it was a lie. Ming Fan hesitantly stood up, he knew it was all a lie, but he knew even if he kneeled here forever, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t eat; only Luo Binghe’s begging will work.
After Ming Fan left, Shen Qingqiu pushed the tray of food away, feeling more guilt than ever. He walked over to the body that he kept by his side for 6 years. Luo Binghe never changed his expression still more peaceful than ever. His complexion was still the same from the amount of spiritual energy Shen Qingqiu pours into him every day.
“Binghe, it’s been 6 years…” He mumbled gently holding the corpse’s hand. He sighed. “Happy Birthday Binghe, you should be around 26 now.”
It was pointless to say all this. But he wishes Binghe could hear everything he says. He chuckled when he imagined Binghe’s expression, the demon king would be jumping around while crying “Shizun” but his expression fell when he remembers that’ll never happen anymore.
*****
Shen Qingqiu opened his eyes. This time it was a different view, it was the cliff he had pushed Luo Binghe off of, where he had pushed his disciple to his demise.
At the end of the cliff, an inch away from it was Luo Binghe. This time, he was an adult, his figure and face the same as the one he had kept in his bamboo house for 6 years.
His eyes meet Shen Qingqiu and he smiled widely. It was the same smile as Binghe’s last smile. But instead, it was filled with pain, despair, and hopelessness. It was as if he gave up.
“Shizun… I’m so pathetic aren’t I?”
Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth but he couldn’t find his voice. He couldn’t speak.
“Shizun, no matter what I do… you would never choose me right?”
He couldn’t say anything.
“Shizun… I love you.”
Shen Qingqiu was shocked. His eyes were wide as he stared at the hopeless and sad smile Binghe had on his face.
“Shizun, in our next life. Let’s not meet.”
He jumped.
Shen Qingqiu finally screamed.
*****
Shen Qingqiu woke up screaming, frantically rushing towards the body. At the same time, his disciples outside were panicking after the soul’s last response.
“Shizun! Shizun! A-Luo! A-Luo! He- ” Ning Yingying panicked as she slammed at the bamboo house door over and over again. Her voice was raw and scratchy from crying and screaming.
It was like every day, plying inquiry and summoning Luo Binghe’s soul. But today, the response was small and weak, but it was enough to crush everyone’s hope.
“Goodbye.”
Ming Fan drooped the guqin and his legs felt shaky. His whole body was trembling as he dropped onto his knees, his whole strength gone. He’d never imagine, years of calling and suffering, and the half-demon just given up hope and disappear?!
He slammed his fist into the ground and screamed. He pounded his fist over and over again, none of the disciples bothered to stop him. Shen Qingqiu’s cries can be heard all over the silent peak.
Liu Qingge had heard the screams and rushed over to analyze what happened that had caused Qing Jing Peak Lord to be screaming and crying in the middle of the night. But he’d never imagined the despair on the disciple’s face and rushing into the bamboo house that was filled with screams and cries.
He found a disciple who seemed to be the only one sane enough to answer. The disciple stared at him in the eyes, tears overflowing and shakily said, “Luo Binghe’s never coming back.”