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Tsukishima wasn’t a man of many words. In fact, he liked saying less.
Saying less meant less effort, saying less meant less people to concern him. Saying less meant less people to be of a bother to him and less people to get in his way.
Tsukishima liked being a closed book, he liked not sharing and he liked his own company compared to the company of anyone else.
But, Yamaguchi made these feelings dissipate into thin air as if they never existed at all.
His straight face keeps it all hidden away, but his eyes spill his secrets like a flowing river. The way he looks at Yamaguchi when he talks, the way he admires him as secretly as he can when he’s serving, the glow that lights up his face when he sees a stray cat, or the excitement he radiates when he gets a taste of his favorite food.
Yamaguchi made Tsukishima feel… different.
Different wasn’t in the blondes dictionary, he loved the feeling of normality and sticking to his schedule. Mundane was just his flow and he enjoyed it, going with it all hours of the day.
Tsukishima didn’t know what to call these feelings, or even how to process them.
He’s quick on his feet, quick to notice and solve things. A sharp tongue with a nonchalant attitude made him immune to many things, or maybe he just convinced himself he was. He never quite knew, but he never really thought about it either.
Feelings were not like math problems and this is something he found very quick. They were much deeper than a simple equation, in essence it was more like a planet. Layers and layers to uncover and so many unknown factors in between and little quirks in between that make it that much more complicated. He liked math more than science, equations were easier than figuring out what was in a planet.
It was easier to keep to himself, it was easier to not be a people person, it was easier to drown everyone out and just enjoy his company, it was easier to live in his pessimistic ways, it was easier to live in black and white.
Yamaguchi came in with his kind eyes and compassion and turned Tsukishimas world upside down. His walls fell to the ground and were left in nothing but dust and residue in his presence, making him think twice about the way he lives his life.
Color started to leak in, little by little Tsukishima could see everything coming to life around him.
He first noticed when they were watching Ponyo, one of Yamaguchis favorites. Tsukishima had seen the movie before, he felt quite in the middle about it. Watching it with him though made the difference. The colors in the ocean when Ponyo was becoming human were striking. The hues of the ocean and the color of the town and it’s people were like nothing he’d seen thus far.
Tsukishima stared, quietly marveling at everything on screen, the fish as they jumped, the colors coming and going. He wanted to process everything, feel everything.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Yamaguchi had asked. Tsukishima looked over to the boy, his eyes filled with wonder and raw emotions as he fully enraptured himself into the film, giving it no less than every drop of his undivided attention.
“Yeah… It’s beautiful.”
Tsukishima wasn’t talking about the film.
Life goes on, more hours spent with Yamaguchi as the months pass. He still feels something strong, but it’s easier to not say anything and never take it down from the shelf he’s put it on in his mind.
It’s evening. Tsukishima is sitting at his desk and completing homework as Yamaguchi lies in the blondes bed on his phone. He can hear grunts and sharp breaths as Yamaguchi plays some game that the other knows absolutely nothing about.
He doesn’t know how much time passes when he shuts the textbook. He turns in his chair to face the bed. Yamaguchi is fast asleep.
Something overcomes Tsukishima, a feeling that makes all the air from his lungs escape him, a feeling that makes his brain go numb, one that keeps him staring at the sleeping boy.
It’s not a sight that’s unfamiliar to him, he’s seen Yamaguchi asleep just about a million times. There’s a different feeling in the air was an overwhelming feeling of oh shit I am in love with my best friend washes over him.
To say the least, Tsukishima swore he was having a conniption. Despite the madness running through his head that was driving him into the ground, he… liked it.
He was never a child who lived on the wild side, he always preferred to play it safe. But this… These feelings felt wild and colorful and euphoric, everything he had avoided because it was too much to get to that feeling.
He stuck around, letting these feelings consume him whole and letting himself fall into Yamaguchi. Like a fire, he engulfed himself in the flames, licking at him and burning hotter and brighter every moment he was around the other.
It was so out of character, so unlike himself for him to fall and he knew it, the addiction of it all is what made him stay and let himself feel like this.
He never voiced it. Even if Yamaguchi made him want to spill his guts until he was nothing but an empty shell, he kept it in. Old habits die hard, and Tsukishimas feelings were just another thing for him to keep in.
Tsukishima wasn’t a man of many words, but Yamaguchi made him want to be. He wanted to be vulnerable and complete putty in the hands of the other, he wanted to be that empty shell and give his everything to the boy.
It’s freezing when Yamaguchi kisses him. His lips are chapped and Tsukishima could feel him shaking from just the few seconds of contact, cold hands meeting one another and interlacing as they part.
The trees were barren as snow sat under their feet. Yamaguchis scarf rides up to his chin and his coat swallows him fully. His boots almost look like clown shoes and his cheeks are rosy as his freckles rest on top.
Tsukishima doesn’t feel cold. He’s warm. From head to toe he has fallen so deep into Yamaguchis flames there was no sign of getting out, but it’s not like he wanted to. It was pure bliss, Yamaguchis touch was electrifying and pure addiction.
Tsukishima places his forehead against Yamaguchi, smiling as he looks into the glimmering eyes of the boy. The blonde gives the hand a squeeze, his gentle way of saying what he wants to say without speaking it. The boy gets the message.
“Let’s go home, Tsukki.”
Tsukishima nods, but home was right next to him in the body of a freckled boy with warm hands and shining eyes.