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Night had fallen in Camelot, draping the towering castle in darkness. The night sky was sprinkled with shimmering stars like a velvet dress studded with diamonds. Everyone was tucked away inside their homes, most likely sitting by the warmth of a fire burning in the hearth. The grounds and town lay quiet, free from the usual hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Inside the castle, most occupants were asleep in their chambers. The stairways and corridors were silent except for the crackling torches that cast light for anyone who happened to pass by at such a late hour.
One such traveler walked quickly down the hallways in the lower part of the castle. Her quick pace created a slight breeze, tousling the curls surrounding her face.
Gwen tucked a loose curl behind her ear and huffed in annoyance. She had repeated the motion countless times and was now unsure if she wanted the hair out of her face or purposefully framing it. She had been certain that the simple braided updo would suffice, with a few stray curls hanging out, but the walk to Gaius’s chambers was making her question everything.
It was ridiculous, to get so worked up about her hair. She never paid it any mind, content with a braid or a bun or any other simple style to keep it out of her face while she worked. It shouldn’t matter now! She was just going to visit a friend, who after his recent ordeal, most likely wouldn’t notice if her hair wasn’t perfect.
Gwen halted and inhaled deeply. Friend. That was the term she kept using in her inner thoughts, but she wasn’t sure if it was the most appropriate anymore.
She exhaled noisily, willing all her jittery nerves to leave her with that breath. It didn’t work, and the pesky butterflies in her stomach kept fluttering.
For goodness sakes, it was just Merlin.
Gwen laughed softly, realizing that she had spoken Merlin’s name aloud in the same tone as Arthur: Exasperation, a touch of irritation, and an underlying current of fondness. Arthur truly cared about Merlin, even if he would rather fall upon his own sword before admitting it.
And as for Gwen… she cared for Merlin more than she ever thought she would.
Merlin had only arrived in Camelot a couple weeks ago, but from the day they met, he had become a constant part of her daily life. He was like an old friend, someone she had always known across previous lifetimes.
And Merlin was a mess. He tripped over his own feet, dropped things, and tended to forget all the details of his tasks. He told bad jokes, made silly mistakes, and sassed Arthur more than he should technically be allowed to get away with.
But Merlin was also one of the best things.
He was sweet, and compassionate. Always willing to drop everything to lend a hand, he never backed down from an opportunity. His smile was bigger than his golden heart. He would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat to save someone else, and he had saved Arthur multiple times in the past week alone.
Merlin was goodness itself, something Gwen had never seen in all her time in Camelot.
He was also one of the nicest men that Gwen had ever met. Village boys tended to be rough around the edges, never thinking before they spoke and acting unabashedly rude to girls. Merlin wasn’t like that at all. He was kind, and honest. He always listened intently to Gwen, hanging onto every word like it was a religious speech of salvation.
Of course, it didn’t hurt that he was downright adorable. Those high cheekbones, those bright blue eyes that lit up with a smile on his full lips. A mess of dark hair that fell against his fair skin, those ridiculously endearing ears.
Heat rose in Gwen’s cheeks, and she realized she was blushing. Just thinking about Merlin got her all flustered. She knew full well how horrible she was at speaking to him. She blurted out her blunt thoughts, then had to backtrack, stumbling over her words. Merlin never seemed to mind, simply offering a smile and the reassurance that he wasn’t offended. It helped to calm the nervous, fluttery feeling in Gwen’s stomach whenever she was around him, a feeling that had only grown stronger the more she had seen Merlin.
Truth be told, Gwen wasn’t sure what compelled her to hasten to Gaius’s chambers this late at night. She wanted to see Merlin, of course, but every excuse she came up with to justify her actions felt insufficient.
Merlin had nearly died, so she wanted to check up on him to make sure he was recovering. All good and well, except Gwen had stayed with Merlin for a while after he first woke, carrying out little tasks to start him on the road to recovery. She had helped him out of his shirt and gently wiped down his chest and arms with a damp cloth, a low-energy version of a bath. She had wiped the sweat off his face with a dry cloth, taking care with the hard-to-reach places like behind his ears and under his chin. She had helped him into a fresh, clean shirt, before draping a warm blanket across his shoulders.
She wanted to bring Merlin flowers to cheer him up! Gwen pursed her lips when she remembered the bouquet of flowers sitting in her chambers, forgotten in her haste. She had gone out and picked them earlier that evening, then promptly forgotten them.
“Excellent, Gwen,” she chided herself with a quiet laugh. She shook her head at her forgetfulness.
Gwen came to a halt as the true reason rose forcefully to the front of her mind, something she had been trying her hardest to ignore.
She had kissed Merlin. Did he feel the same? Was she foolish to return and hope for more?
Fingers trailing lightly across her lips, Gwen’s eyes fluttered closed as she thought of the kiss. Their kiss. It had been so sudden, so passionate. The sight of Merlin opening his eyes and smiling, something Gwen feared she had lost forever, overwhelmed her with emotion. She simply had to swoop down, cradle Merlin’s face in her hands, and kiss him.
Gwen smiled when she remembered Gaius’s hand on her back, gently pulling her away. How emotional she had been! Gaius actually had to pull her away from Merlin! How silly it now seemed to kiss Merlin immediately after he woke up.
“I thought you were dead.” Gwen repeated her excuse when Merlin had looked at her, eyes blown wide and mouth slack with shock. She scoffed at how lame it sounded in her ears.
It’s fine. It’s more than fine. Merlin’s response echoed in her head, the image of the smile on his face at the front of her mind.
Did that mean that Merlin felt the same? Did he yearn for Gwen the same way she longed for him?
Gwen shook her head to physically escape her spiraling thoughts. Pondering all the possibilities wouldn’t help and certainly wasn’t a healthy train of thought. She just had to put her shoulders back, tilt her chin up, and march into Gaius’s chambers, and
(Kiss Merlin kiss Merlin kiss Merlin)
ask Merlin how he felt. Even if her feelings aren't reciprocated, the sting of rejection was better than an eternity spent in limbo, never knowing the truth.
Now if Gwen could just control the nerves that made her want to run all the way back to her chambers and hide.
When Gwen reached Gaius’s chambers, she hesitated. The door was closed, but light trickled out underneath. Merlin and Gaius were probably still awake, and she almost wished they weren’t. It would be so much easier to walk away, knowing that she couldn’t talk to Merlin.
“Don’t be silly!” Gwen whispered fiercely to herself. She clenched her fingers into fists, held them for a moment, then relaxed her fingers.
“Just… go in there and see him!” Gwen smoothed down the front of her dress, ignoring how her hands were trembling.
Gwen took a deep breath and raised her hand to the door before she could change her mind. Before she could knock, the door swung open to reveal a surprised Gaius.
Gwen froze, her fist hanging in the air for a few seconds before she dropped it to her side.
“Guinevere!” Gaius exclaimed, a smile appearing on his face. “What brings you here at such a late hour?”
“I’m here to see Merlin,” Gwen answered. She played with her fingers, rubbing them together nervously.
Gaius smiled. “I see. I was just on my way out to run an errand, so the two of you will have a bit of alone time.”
“Ah.” Gwen nodded, biting her lip. What did that mean? Perhaps Merlin wanted to see her too? But he hadn’t known that she would be visiting, so why would Gaius be giving them time alone?
Thankfully, Gaius stepped aside and beckoned Gwen in, saving her from her spiraling thoughts. Forcing a smile onto her face, Gwen entered the chambers.
“Goodbye, Merlin. I’ll be back soon!” Gaius called out. Gwen turned and her eyes immediately fell on Merlin, who had his back to her. He gave a feeble wave over his shoulder in response.
Then the door closed with a soft thud and Gwen and Merlin were alone.
Merlin was curled up in a chair, a blanket draped across his shoulders. A book rested on the table in front of him, capturing his complete attention. One elbow rested on the table, his chin propped up on his hand, while the other flipped pages.
Gwen paused when she saw him, and a warm feeling rushed through her. He was breathing normally, not fighting for air. He was sitting up, not collapsed and unconscious.
He was alive.
“Merlin!” Gwen called out softly.
Merlin glanced up. “Gwen!” He said happily, a toothy smile springing onto his face. “How are you?”
Gwen laughed. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”
Merlin shrugged. “I’m feeling much better.”
“Still!” Gwen insisted, crossing the room to stand at Merlin’s side. “You’ve been through quite an ordeal.”
Merlin flipped the book closed to give Gwen his full attention. “Please, have a seat,” he said warmly, patting the empty chair next to him.
Gwen smiled and sat down, adjusting her skirt before looking at Merlin. As her eyes scanned across his face, the warm feeling washed over her once more.
Merlin looked well again. The color had returned to his face, flooding his cheeks with rosy pink. His eyes were bright, free of the glassy sheen that had clouded them when he first woke up.
The pale, sweating, shivering Merlin, trapped in the throngs of poisoned unconsciousness, was gone. The smiling, healthy Merlin was back, and Gwen couldn’t be happier.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” Gwen remarked with a smile.
Merlin looked at Gwen with a gentle expression. “I have you to thank for much of that.”
“Me?” Gwen asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
Merlin nodded. “Gaius told me you never left my bedside. And when you did, it was to help him, like getting fresh water or more herbs.”
Heat rose in Gwen’s cheeks. “It was nothing. I was happy to do it.”
“Well, it means everything to me,” Merlin said earnestly. He reached out and laid his hand atop Gwen’s where it rested on the table. “I appreciate it, Gwen. Truly.”
Gwen resisted the urge to brush some loose curls out of her face. “I couldn’t bear to leave you.”
“Arthur may have been the one to bring the flower back,” Merlin said, his voice soft, “But I did feel you there. So thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Gwen replied. She forced herself to smile, but it fell quickly.
Merlin noticed, and his brows drew together. “Something’s bothering you, isn’t it? I can tell you have something on your mind.”
“Is it that obvious?” Gwen pushed an irritated breath out her nose. She always struggled with keeping her emotions from showing. She wore her heart on her sleeve, making it all too easy for others to see how she was feeling.
“You forget that I’m psychic,” Merlin said. He wiggled his eyebrows, which made Gwen laugh.
“How could I forget?”
Merlin was quiet for a few moments, his gaze never leaving Gwen’s face. “What’s wrong?”
Gwen took in a shaky inhale and let it out slowly. Her stomach was a mess of butterflies, all of her nerves on edge.
“I owe you an apology,” she breathed out, because rushing through through this uncomfortable situation was the best way to do it, to leave no room for questions.
Merlin looked bemused. “An apology? What for?”
“For kissing you.” Gwen bit her lip and waited for Merlin’s reaction.
To her surprise, Merlin laughed. “Why would you apologize for that?” He looked genuinely surprised and a little confused.
Taking a deep breath, Gwen mentally prepared herself. No matter the outcome, she had to live with it. Kissing Merlin had been selfish, and she knew that. She had stolen one of his first breaths after coming back to life from off his lips when she coveted them with her own.
“It was selfish,” Gwen said hurriedly. “I mean, you had just practically returned from the dead!” A shrill, unintentional laugh escaped her lips and Gwen fought every instinct screaming at her to run away.
Merlin took Gwen’s hand between both of his and held it, his thumb sweeping across her palm. The contact made Gwen’s heart ache. Merlin was always so gentle with her, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder or brushing a touch across her arm.
“You don’t have to apologize for kissing me,” Merlin said softly. His eyes were soft in the flickering candlelight, the shadows carving out the lines of his face like a marble statue.
Gwen allowed her gaze to momentarily flicker down to Merlin’s lips. They were such beautiful lips, full and pink and bowed at the top. She could remember the feeling of them under hers, the little gasp that had escaped them as she kissed them.
“Alright,” she whispered, and gave a little nod.
Merlin tentatively reached out for Gwen’s face. There was a crease between his brows as he hesitated, and Gwen wanted to smooth it away with her thumb.
Merlin bit his lip and cupped Gwen’s face with his hand. Gwen leaned into the touch, overjoyed that his hand was warm, not clammy and cold like it had been.
Then Merlin leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Gwen’s.
Gwen sighed, a tiny puff of breath that ghosted across Merlin’s face. He raised his other hand and slid it gently around her neck, his fingers nestling in her curls.
Merlin opened his lips slightly and captured Gwen’s completely, his nose bumping hers as he tilted his head for better access. Gwen pressed one palm flat to his face, sweeping her thumb across one strong cheekbone. Her other hand traveled up his arm to rest on his neck, her fingers trailing across the underside of his jaw. She could feel his pulse beneath her fingertips, strong and true, undeniable proof that he was alive.
The kiss was everything Gwen had been longing for and more. Merlin was so gentle, so tender. His lips fit perfectly against her own, his warm hands cupping her face. It was bliss.
After a few moments, they broke apart, breathing quietly in their closeness.
Merlin broke the silence with a bashful remark.
“Sorry.”
Gwen laughed incredulously. “You just got through reassuring me that I don’t have to apologize for kissing you, and then you do the same?”
“I-I know! But it was sudden of me, and I know you only kissed me because you thought I was dead but—”
Gwen silenced Merlin’s rambling by ducking in and capturing his lips in another kiss. Merlin froze in surprise for a split second before kissing her back. Gwen’s hands roamed across his chest and she sighed as she felt Merlin’s arms wrap gently around her waist.
Gwen pulled away and gave Merlin a look. “Perhaps Arthur is right. You can be an idiot sometimes!”
“Hey,” Merlin protested weakly. His palms were rubbing circles into her back, and she relished the touch.
“I didn’t just kiss you because I thought you were dead,” Gwen said. “I kissed you because I wanted to.” She leaned in and kissed Merlin again to prove her point.
This time it was Merlin who pulled away.
“You wanted to kiss me?” He asked, eyes wide.
“Of course I did!” Gwen exclaimed.
“Why?” Merlin asked, his tone so confused yet so genuine that Gwen couldn’t help but laugh. Did he really have no idea?
“Because I like you,” Gwen replied in a quiet voice. There, she had finally said it. An immense weight lifted from her shoulders with that simple truth.
Merlin’s face broke into a warm smile. “I like you too, Gwen,” he said. “A lot.”
Happiness swooped into Gwen’s chest. She smiled before grabbing Merlin by the front of his shirt and pulling him close to capture his lips with her own.
Merlin hummed in contentment as they kissed. It was slow and sweet, no need to rush. They had all the time in the world.
When they broke apart, Merlin held Gwen’s hand between both of his. “You’re welcome to stay for a while,” he said softly. “Gaius will be back soon with some herbs. He’s going to make tea.”
Gwen thought of sitting by the crackling fire, wrapped up in the warmth of Merlin’s arms, a steaming cup of tea between her hands. They would talk quietly to each other for hours, no matter the subject, as long as they were together. Maybe Merlin would brush kisses against her cheek, his lips lingering before moving onto her mouth.
She wanted nothing more.
“I can’t,” Gwen said, and she could feel her stomach clenching at her lie. “The Lady Morgana needs my assistance getting ready for bed.”
This wasn’t the time to mention that Morgana had quickly dismissed Gwen to be at Merlin’s side when he first fell ill. I’ll manage. Go.
Now, Gwen couldn’t manage the storm of emotion raging in her heart and mind, so she had to go.
Merlin’s browns drew together, and Gwen silently cursed herself. It was a horrible lie. The late hour of the night saw most of the castle occupants already in bed, surely including Morgana.
Surprisingly, Merlin didn’t push the issue further. “I understand. That’s the life of a servant. Thankfully, his royal highness is already in bed.” He chuckled.
Gwen smiled. Always sassing Arthur, even when he wasn’t around.
“Another time,” Gwen said, and she made a silent promise. They would be together again, when she wasn’t so caught up in her emotions. Earlier, it seemed like Merlin had enjoyed the sudden kiss she’d given him when he woke, but she had assumed he was just being polite. Now, after their brief time together tonight, it had been confirmed that he felt the same. Merlin liked her. He wanted to kiss her, perhaps as much as she had longed to.
It was almost too much to handle. A good night’s rest would prepare her for an undoubtedly busy day tomorrow, and then maybe she could come to terms with how she truly felt for this silly, wonderful boy.
Gwen leaned in to kiss Merlin one last time, but he raised a finger to her lips and stopped her.
“Another time,” Merlin whispered with a crooked smile.
Gwen gaped at him, but she couldn’t keep the corners of her mouth from twitching up into a slight smile. “Cheeky!” She breathed.
Merlin, the bastard, winked!
“I have to make sure there’s something to come back to,” Merlin said quietly, his brashness fading into shyness.
Gwen shook her head. “I’ll always come back to you, Merlin.”
A warm smile grew on Merlin’s face, and Gwen felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach again. Rising to her feet and walking away, she made it across the room before Merlin’s voice called out.
“Gwen?”
In the doorway, Gwen turned to look back at Merlin.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
Gwen thought back to lying on the cold dungeon floor, shivering and quietly sobbing as she tried to accept her fate. She thought of Merlin gripping the bars of her cell, his face set with determination as he promised to free her. She thought of the bashful smile on Merlin’s face as Morgana rightfully gave him full credit for clearing her name.
“You too,” Gwen replied with a warm smile. “Get some rest.”
And then she was gone, shutting the door behind her.
When Gaius returned a little while later, Merlin was humming to himself as he flitted about the chambers, tidying up and preparing for bed. There was a wide, almost silly smile on his face, but he couldn’t help it. He was too happy to look any less elated.
Gaius said nothing and only watched on with a knowing smile as Merlin held a purple flower to his chest, perfectly preserved in a small glass vial. It spoke of feelings and beginnings and so much more.
Another time.