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It was the same odd impulse that had Hardy trudging up the church steps once again. He was all set to leave. His car already called and his meager possessions packed into a dusty suitcase. He had only a brief moment left in the small, formerly sleepy, town of Broadchurch.
He still had no idea why he came to the church. It held little meaning for him in any religious context, but he felt compelled to stop here regardless.
He put even less effort into figuring it out this time around.
The sun cast colorful rays against the old stone walls through the stained glass and he breathed in the stiff silent air. He realized with some surprise there was a figure sitting in the first pew facing the altar.
He approaches Paul's curled form letting his footfalls echo in warning to the other man so as not to startle him. Paul doesn't glance up until Hardy has approached close enough to make out his features. Paul's red rimmed eyes find him with a slight surprised expression, but even Hardy could tell that he was too world weary and exhausted to even register proper shock at seeing Alec once again make his way into the church. Hardy wondered how many other people in the town had come to visit unexpectedly in light of the recent news. He hoped he was unique in his decision, but he knew that probably wasn't the case.
"DI Hardy, hello. I- umm.. did- Ah. What.. are you doing here?" Paul manages, his words tumbling forth in an uncertain rush.
"I... ah," Hardy hesitates both due to Paul's nervous energy and his own lack of real justification, "I was coming by to say goodbye. I'm headed out of town, it seems."
Paul takes this in with a furrow brow, but doesn't settle. "Oh. I'm. I will be sorry to see you go."
It's a lie. They both know it. Paul has no reason to be anything even approaching fond of Hardy and he hadn't done anything to change that in the time since he had interogated Paul. It wasn't like he had had much time on his hands to chat up the local minister. Hardy tries to forget about the idea of what this moment would be like if he had tried harder to make a friend out of the vicar. Hardy had never been very good at making friends anyway.
Paul's face still looked so broken apart, his shoulders knit tight, arms pressing into his sides. Hardy couldn't ignore the shaken way he was behaving. He looked for all the world, a bit shell shocked.
"Are you..." Hardy clears his throat. He wasn't exactly practiced at caring for others this way. "Are you doing okay, Paul?"
Paul lets out a shaken laugh, bitter and frantic. "What a question!" His voice too loud. He breaths in harsh and sudden. "Are you okay??"
It's an accusation and Hardy lets it drop between them uncomfortably. "You don't have to tell me, Paul." Hardy states flatly.
The air rushes out of Paul as suddenly as he had sucked it into his chest. "I don't suppose I do, do I? I probably shouldn't considering."
Alec just watches Paul as he wrings his hands anxiously. He could tell the vicar was going to tell him anyway and he knew better than to break the silence before someone finished what they had to tell him.
"Joe came here." He says finally, voice thick with disgust and grief.
Hardy looks around as if he would still find him though he must be long gone by now with the way Paul looked. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
A wounded horrified noise escapes Paul's mouth at his questions and Paul's hand goes to his mouth as angry tears spring up in his eyes. "No. no. That's not.. that's not it."
Hardy's eyes trail over Paul, assuring himself that it was the truth. His mind is spinning. He needs to tell Ellie. He needs to find Joe. He- He stops himself remembering that Paul still has more to say.
"Joe came here and I- I ... I called Mark." Paul croaks out. He has a set expression like he is bracing for whatever Hardy will do with the information.
Miller's words flash in his brain immediately. (It's been dealt with.) "Did you... What did Mark do?" Hardy asks, feeling certain he doesn't want to know.
"Well," Paul bites out a bitter wild laugh, "obviously we all got together and kidnapped him. Beth and Ellie threatened to murder him if he doesn't stay out of town and, of course, me being the FUCKING VICAR" his hysterical outburst echoes against the church walls, "Well, I got him a cab and a place to stay in Sheffield!"
Hardy carefully manages to keep his surprise at the outburst off his face, but it's an effort. "You... aided a kidnapping?" Hardy says in his least accusing tone, mostly trying to process what he's been told more than extract more information. He is immediately certain he has no intention of ever repeating a second of this conversation to anyone.
Paul laughs again harshly, "Yeah, Alec. I aided a kidnapping. You know what's awful? What I keep thinking about?"
"Can't say I do," Hardy responds.
"It's not that we technically committed a crime. It's not that I 'turned my back on a member of my church'. It isn't even the shockingly real terror of finally understanding how disgusting and horrifying people can be." He is waving his hands about in front of him and rocking a bit where he has stayed sat in the pew. He looks up at Hardy again, catching him in the intensity of his emotional turbulence, "It's that I think it may have still been too merciful for him. How awful does that make me? Shouldn't I be more understanding? More kind?"
He is looking at Hardy like the man might have an answer and so he clears his throat awkwardly. "Paul." He pauses, uncertain if he should say what he's about to say, "If I had known the trial would go this way. I would have killed Joe Miller in that shed in his backyard before ever taking him near a police station."
He lets his confession drop like a brick into the conversation. Paul looks startled by him, like he didn't expect such an intense and violent impulse from Hardy. He stares forward vacantly for a long time just processing. Finally, he sighs long and loud.
"I don't know if I've done right by God." Paul admits like it's a foolish worry, but considering his career Hardy assumes this is a devastating thought.
Hardy hums thoughtfully, again unsure if what he wants to say is the right thing to be saying at the moment. "You have done right by Beth. If God has a problem with it, he should have kept a better eye on Danny."
Paul looks shaken by the comment, but he nods once sharply. He doesn't look less upset now, but he does look more in his own body. Hardy thinks it's too much to hope that the conversation made this easier to cope with and sticks to quietly hoping it will make more sense for Paul in the future. He knows from experience that it won't. He still hopes though.
Paul doesn't ask him not to tell anyone what he has said or if he is going to follow up in any way. He either knows that Hardy will not or is simply too distraught to care about criminal charges. Hardy hopes it is the former. He almost assures him that he won't tell anyone or bring charges against anyone involved. He would never do that to the Latimers or Ellie. He certainly wouldn't do that to Paul. He wonders if there is anything he can do for the glassy eyed vicar in front of him. He wonders what he could say that would make any of this okay for him. How do you make something okay that could never in a million years actually be okay?
He clears his throat and reaches to awkwardly rest his hand on Paul's shoulder.
"I think you did the right thing." His voice is solemn and he wills his expression to convey how much he means the words as Paul looks into his eyes. He looks so lost just then. Just for a second. Then he shakes his head and clears his throat against the tears springing up in his eyes.
"I hope so." Paul says softly.