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When someone cheats on you, you deny it.
That's the unspoken, universal law of coping with unfaithfulness, as said in Chapter Whatever in The Book of Nonexistent Things from Library in Nowhere.
Which obviously didn't exist.
He and Alfred had always loved things that didn't existーimmaturely going on adventures just to make sure certain things really don't exist. With the younger blond's exclusive thirst for adventure and the unknown, it wasn't hard to drag Arthur along unannounced road trips and cross-country travels, given he loved him with everything he has.
Arthur could almost proudly say he had seen it allーquestionable or no. From ISS officers boarding rockets, or things like missile parts in the old test sites in the country, or even random things like a new zoo opening or some old mountain to hike or a death metal concert. His lover's love for the visual knowledge (which he calls eye candy) and his tendency to invite him on the day they were supposed to leave never failed to keep him hooked.
Maybe it was just science—their dates were always something weird or new; it was never boring. Maybe that made him stay. Or maybe he just loved Alfred's loud presence a lot. Or maybe he was just lonely and Alfred kept him busy enough to forget about itーwhichever one it was. As mentioned in that one nonexistent rulebook, in quote, "When someone keeps you busy, you're keeping them busy as well." Maybe he thought Alfred just needed a distraction just like he did. Maybe that illusion of mutual feelings kept him entertained, always looking for more.
Oh boy, was he wrong?
Well, yes. What’s worse is that he had seen it coming.
Old friends had told him much stories enough to give him an idea of how complicated relationships work. He was told that arguments—verbal or silent—chose no special couples and simply affects every single one. Lovino and Antonio may seem the sweetest, but the two had their own shares of one-man dinners and couch beds. The same could be said with Lukas and Matthias. Perhaps the most stable, non-weird, non-questionable relationship he had ever witnessed was of Vlad and Borisーand they're weird as heck (one is a vampire magician and the other was veracious and just plain verbally brutal).
He was warned, and that made everything feel heavier. He should've listened to the risk of accepting someone in your life without the other person verbally telling you what they wanted. Next to the scenario where he never met Alfred, Alfred saying he doesn't know where they were going as a couple a few months in the relationship was the absolute worst. It was the worst case scenario, in fact.
The most stupid dumbassery he ever did was that he went along to that condition. He kept going, making ends meet, trying to set romantic things up, but every "expedition" ended up the same: silent in Alfred's car driving his unconscious arse back home.
Sometimes, in those nights he drove practically alone in a presence of two, he blanks out and let his existential crises set in. Sometimes he wonders why he even got his license when he just spaces out too much.
Still, what exactly was he doing there in that honey-scented car driving someone that doesn't love him back to his bed? Why exactly did he agree to accepting him in his life in the first place? Why in the world did he voluntarily do things for someone when they didn't even ask for it at all? Just when exactly did he come from a degree-holding board-exam passer Civil Engineer to a free one-call-away driver?
His brothers back in the UK had told him he had a futureーa well-paid engineer who will build the Kirklands a house they deserve, in concern to the family size. In the seven years he spent in the US to reach said future, all he accomplished so far were £450 in the bank and an American citizenship.
Sometimes, he question his decisions.
No, scratch that. Correction: on most days, he regret his decisions.
He was aware of what he doing. He skipped a nice job opportunity because of Alfred's adventures. Then he ended up a driver. He agreed on getting into a relationship with the first and only person in the US that gave him legitimate attention. Then he ended up getting cheated on. Fantastic, right?
“When someone cheats on you, you deny it.”
Bullshit.
That was a line he had written somewhere before, probably at the back of a gas station convenience store receipt when he bought beer. There was a book he created in his head, a lovechild of his emotions, memories, and two-inch novels and hardcover textbooks he used to read. It became a part of his daily life and thought processes so much he may had already started to think in Times New Roman at best and Comic Sans at worst.
At the day he stopped ignoring Matthew’s warnings and started taking them to heart, he was indeed on a jolly day filling his tank to pick Alfred up from his apartment. Because Alfred kept making him do stupid things, he kept his phone open at the gas station. When Matthew sent a photo, a clear HD non-edited one, his world stopped for a moment he almost made the station explode.
Alfred was photographed waving goodbye to someone in a nice dark Chevrolet with his left hand, and in the other he held a heart chocolate set.
That was the last straw, but he couldn’t help but deny it in the beginning. Matthew had been sending him things of what he sees, warning him for months, but a photo...
Really, when someone doesn’t love you anymore...
...you try to stay through the bullshit.
There are many things that could be interpreted from that, and each of them Arthur could use to tell Matthew that his brother is not cheating on him in any means possible. Maybe that was a delivery guy who gave Alfred the chocolates he will give Arthur later. Perhaps, a future sibling-in-law trying to give Matthew chocolates through Alfred. It was just many, many possibilities.
But it was useless. He could almost hear Matthew’s sympathetic voice ask him who was he kidding with everything he said. He was defending a hopeless case.
On his defense, he was an engineer not a lawyer. He just had been cheated on, and loved someone. Maybe he’s justifying the fact he wasted his life on someone who doesn’t even really like him. Just, you know, maybe. It was still not sure.
When he took the other street back to his home, with the beer in the passenger ready for sweet drinking, he knew his imaginary book needed some revision.
“When someone cheats on you, you cut them off.”
That might be a better line, which he came up with on this second bottle of beer in the middle of The Lord of The Rings.
“When someone cheats on you, you act like you don’t know and then pull an UNO reverse card on them.”
It might be too long but it was the best he could think of, considering he was questioning how and why in the world did he come from The Lord of The Rings to Mean Girls in just three small cans of beer. From rings to blings real quick, amirite? Even the voice in his head started to speak in American accent.
“When someone cheats on you, you let them go.”
Drunk-crying at the end credits of Thor Ragnarok was something he didn’t ever imagine himself doing, considering it was a comedy and he doesn’t even know the MCU very well, but it was certainly something he now had done. The book in his head probably now had water damage on the paper considering he already spilled some cans throughout the night.
One thing was for sure, after a million cans and three movies he skimmed through, he finally got the right correction. When someone cheats on you, you realize your self worth and go. He should’ve gone a million years ago, around the times the dinosaurs still walked the Earth. That would be fun. Do dinosaurs exist? He should ask Alfred to see fossils—
“No Arthur, you wanker,” he exclaimed, pushing himself higher on the stairs to at least pass out on his bed and not the smelly couch, “You should do it yourself....from now on!”
Self-encouraging at worst, but at a time of need.
His legs felt numb, and he barely got a hold of the doorknob when his vision spiraled. His cats were meowing, and he found it hard to remember if he left them water before he went drinking. On his last moments he had a grasp on his consciousness, he dragged himself on the bed and grabbed his imaginary book one last time for the night.
When someone cheats on you, you let them go. You set yourself free, and away from more pain. Many people cheated because they paid more attention to what they missed rather than what they already have, and it was high time I start working on the things I missed because of him instead.
He signed his name at the corner of the page and shut the book. Maybe, when someone cheats on him again, he should be at least a real engineer.