Work Text:
A League of His Own
“What do you want for your birthday, Sheriff?” Vincent asked and leaned on the counter and prepared himself for the standard answer: Burger and pie.
“Why?” Jack asked, amused. “Do you plan on running out of ground beef and apples next week?”
“You know, when you married Dr. Stark I had high hopes you would develop a more refined palate.” Vince said as the man in question walked in, unbuttoning his jacket in preparation to sit down with his spouse for coffee.
Nathan ran a hand over Jack’s shoulder and squeezed it and smirked. “Developed a taste for some things, but certainly nothing I make happen in the kitchen.”
“Hey!” Jack said and felt a hand run across his back before Nathan sat down beside him. Vince grinned as Nathan got too personal and inappropriate again. “Can we not talk about my appetites of any kind in public?”
“As opposed to how you refrain from doing so in front of..well, just about anyone?” Nathan asked and made sure his suit jacket fell around him perfectly when he sat down. “That stellar example of professionalism and maturity, Sheriff?”
“I just assume people are immune to us.” Jack said and shrugged. “You get detailed. I master innuendo.”
“Yeah. Those details. " Nathan said. "I'm pretty sure General Mansfield never wanted to know about how similar my handling of a classified military drone was to handling my husband, but someone provided some rather vivid imagery with his innuendo.”
“ Please .” Jack snorted. “Like there is anyone in this world who isn’t going to sexualize the way you talk about ‘slipping the D into tight spaces with finesse and precision’. I’m sure the only discomfort was in his pants.”
“I have to agree with him, Dr. Stark.” Vince said and shrugged.
“First off, it was the D.E.E.” Nathan said, spelling out each letter of the acronym for effect, and swiveled his bar stool around to lecture Jack who was already grinning and leaning against the counter in anticipation.
“That’s what I said.” Jack knew his grin said otherwise, but this was their thing.
“No. You said ‘D’ as in one letter.” Nathan sighed. “And you’re not referencing the programming language or vitamin.”
“How do you know? Is there a sub-title contact lens device you’re trying out? Am I in speech-to-text mode? How do you know that what I said, was not what you said?”
“Stop trying to make me angry, I told you this was only a coffee break. No more.” Nathan warned.
“We’ll see.” Jack said smugly.
“I know what ‘D’ you said because I know you, Jack Carter, all too well. I know you were not referring to the Defense Evasion Experiment, but using a s lang euphemism the old army guy might not know.” Nathan leaned over, just close enough that Jack and Vince could hear him whisper, “I also know you will spell it exactly how you meant it if you have to file an incident report. Do you want me to cause an incident, Sheriff?”
“Nathan…” Jack smile faded as Nathan’s smug grin appeared. “Don’t make science happen for the wrong reasons. Bad scientist! Bad GD director!”
“Just like I know you did not mean Global Dynamics when you said GD .” Nathan said, victorious, and went back to sitting upright on his stool. “So, Vince, what were we talking about before Jack diverted conversation with his little inappropriate tangent about dick?”
“You’re a huge D.” Jack said. “And yes, I used the right ‘You’re’.”
“His birthday.” Vince answered Stark. He loved these two, they only got better and better as they went from rivals to lovers to married couple. The flirty bickering remained constant throughout the transition phases, but the content only got better as their affection grew, “I asked if he wanted anything special for his birthday.”
“You mean his 40th birthday ?” Nathan asked and got elbowed in the ribs for that. “Hey. You were not nice to me last year when it was mine.”
“I married you! ” Jack said and sat up straight, waving his hands around to express himself. “I was really nice! I learned how to dance! I wore a tux. I gave you that ridiculous wedding you wanted. We spent your birthday in bed on our honeymoon! I did things...you wanted.”
“You mentioned how old I was, way too much.” Nathan said and then added. You also enjoyed those things I wanted.”
“Maybe.” Jack said.
“Stop avoiding the topic, answer the man.” Nathan said and waved his hand at Vince. “In case you didn’t notice, he’s holding our Vinspresso’s hostage until you give him an answer. I have to get back to work.”
“That’s right.” Vince said and glared at Jack. “So order something different for your special day or the coffee machine just broke.”
“Dammit!” Jack said and watched Nathan giggle. Giggle . What the hell? “Fine. You know what I want? I want a pickup baseball game. And I want a real baseball, not e-ball, game.”
“This again?” Nathan grumbled.
“I was talking about food, but fine.” Vince said. “You want it, I got it. You get your game.”
“What? Really?” Jack said and looked at Vince and Nathan. “ Real baseball. Not virtual reality ball?"
“Dr. Stark, are you in?” Vince started recruiting.
"Fine. I'll catch." Nathan offered.
" Really? " Jack asked then said. "Why? So you can tell me what to do?"
" Yes. More than qualified. Especially at directing your attention to my crotch and using my fingers to tell you what I want." Nathan said and winked.
"Yeah, I guess you’re qualified in that respect but...."
“Well, congratulations Sheriff.” Vince said. “Looks like you get a league of your own.”
“This is really happening?” Jack asked. “You’ll really play?”
“You better not blow out your shoulder doing this. Yes, I’ll play. It’s your birthday.” Nathan said and his coffee was delivered in a to-go cup. He stood up, kissed Jack on the forehead and buttoned his jacket before grabbing his coffee and heading for the door. Time to get back to work.
“We need to practice.” Jack called out after him and got a wave that said ‘whatever dear’ as he left Cafe Diem. He was so excited he called Zoey to tell her it was finally happening. He waited years for this! This was going to be awesome!
"You hit me!" Jack screeched as he rolled around in the dirt next to home plate and held his hand on his throbbing ass.
" You were crowding the plate!" Jo screamed back.
"I was not!!! You hit me on purpose!" Jack managed to toss his helmet in her direction and it only bounced about five sad feet.
"Most people would have jumped away, it's not my fault your instinct is to take it in the ass." Jo said as she walked up to the helmet and picked it up.
"Jo!" Jack hissed as Tess laughed behind him. He watched her stand up and take her catcher's mask off. Nathan came over, the next player up to bat, and knelt down on one knee beside him without much sympathy for the pain he was currently in. He rolled over on his back and looked up at the umpire, none other than General Mansfield, and then looked at his husband with a glare and said. “I don’t hear you lecturing her about her comments about our sex life.”
“Considering it’s coming from the woman who takes every opportunity to talk about anal probes and back door access, not sure it would matter.” Nathan said and Jo hit him with her glove and glared at him.
“It slipped out once.” She said. “One time.”
“You’re not supposed to use the gun lube down there...” Jack quipped and then screamed as Jo’s toe touched the spot he had just been nailed in. Jo’s perfect little ballerina move while in pinstripes and cleats, noted but not commented on. Mansfield giggled. Giggled!
“Also, she’s on your payroll not mine. Something I’m sure Mansfield has already taken note of.” Nathan sighed.
“I’m off the clock, this is a recreational game. However if you think us Army guys don’t refer to your phallic drones with colorful pet names, you’d be mistaken.” Mansfield said.
“See!” Jack pointed to him. “You can’t tell me your people don’t do that on purpose!”
“Can we get back to playing ball?” Tess asked. “Are you taking your base or having them take you off the field, Carter?”
“Shit.” Jack said. “I need this leg to pitch.”
"Maybe if we played by American League rules..." Nathan offered.
"Shut your mouth unless you want DH to mean divorce husband!" Jack whined.
"You going to lie here and cry about it?" Tess asked as she tapped her catchers mask on her leg.
"No crying in baseball." Jack hissed.
"Keep telling yourself that, slugger." Tess said and put her mask back on and waited for Jack to get off the ground. "Any day now, old man."
"Funny." Jack said and sat up.
"Probably not your best idea to let Vince, the guy who runs the illegal gambling in town, set up your fantasy baseball league." Tess said. "Boys vs girls was never going to work in your favor."
"Yeah, well, someone loves to run into danger." Nathan said and pulled his wincing husband to his feet. That was going to leave a hell of a bruise. Good thing he brought plenty of portable medical tech with him for this or that bruise was going to be difficult to work around for a lot of activities for the birthday boy.
"I hate all of you. This is supposed to be my damned birthday present!". Jack moaned as Nathan dusted off his pants. “Instead my best friend hits me with her first pitch and my husband decided to let this game be the one thing he doesn’t want to exert control over in Eureka leading me to get hit and wear a number 40 uniform!”
"I do like this uniform on you." Nathan said and slapped him on the non wounded ass cheek.
"Hit a home run, if you really want to turn me on". Jack said as he started to gimp towards first base.
"Mmmm." Nathan said and enjoyed the form fitting pinstripe on Jack as he limped away. He looked at Tess. "Fargo made the uniform’s didn’t he?”
“He did.” Tess said and put her mask back on. “I think giving the birthday boy his special birthday number is kinda cute.”
“Probably would be if Fargo didn’t give me #1.” Nathan said and stretched. “However, this was not my project.”
“What is your ‘project’?” Tess asked curiously. “Taking him somewhere special for his birthday?”
“Why don’t you worry about calling a pitch I’m not anticipating?” Nathan said with a mocking smile as Jack finally made it to first base and clearly was getting a lot of grief from Allison, the first baseman, about getting hit.
“You think we don’t have a strategy for you?” Tess asked as she squatted down and punched her fist into her catcher’s mitt. “Do you really think we don’t have your number?”
“I think my ex-wife and Jack’s ex-wife skewed your results by making it too personal.” Nathan said. “I think my statistics and analytics will rule the day.”
“There’s more to baseball than just probabilities of a pitch and trajectory of a ball.” Tess said and called her pitch. Jo shook it off. She called it again and Jo reluctantly accepted it. “This isn’t virtual reality ball and you’re out of your league.”
“I’m in a league of my own, Tess.” Nathan said as the pitch came and was low and to the inside. Just as Kevin predicted. Apparently Jo wasn't done trying to hit people.
“Ball!” General Mansfield called.
“Ump! That caught the edge of the plate!” Tess said and looked behind her.
“Pushing the boundaries of the strike zone, Fontana?” Mansfield asked.
“JO!” Jack screamed from first base. “Stop trying to hit people!”
Nathan sighed and rested his bat on his shoulder and looked up at the sky and shook his head. This was only the beginning, despite being hit by a pitch and and yelling at his friends, Jack was having a great time. He could hear it in his voice. He could count on more attempts to get games going and the eventual forming of a league. He looked over at first base as Jack and Allison shoved each other playfully, then his eyes went over to the dugout where his coach, Kevin, was signing him the anticipated pitch. Yeah, maybe he could get used to this. “Tell Lupo to quit being such a coward and put one right down the middle.”
“Big talk, Stark.” Tess said with a laugh. “You think you can handle that kind of heat? Data seems to suggest that you strike out when confronted by a powerful woman.”
“It’s baseball, not marriage. This pitch is beginning to feel like the looming deadline of your currently inoperable and combustible Titan rover: all promises and nothing to show for it. ” He took a warm up swing and smirked. Either this was going to be the most unifying past time in Eureka or it was going to tear them apart as quickly as Seth’s Necrosomnium plant spores. He heard her grunt and assumed he could expect something fast. Tess’s feathers were ruffled, and Jo was eager to prove herself, so he just needed to make contact. Once glance to Kevin said he agreed with that assessment.
Jack was busy slapping Allison’s hand away from his tender ass as he she explained that Nathan had some sort of device that would help reduce the blood around the broken blood vessels and implied some kind of sports cream was also available. He knew she was just trying to distract him, everyone here was a damned cheater and competitive as hell. So much for genuine respect for the game, but it was better than nothing. He kept his eyes on Jo, waiting for the pitch and he was surprised when it was an honest to God fastball intended to make a fool out of Nathan. He almost didn’t believe the sound it made when the bat hit it, a good solid hit, the sound of a ball that could go over the fence. He watched it, started hobbling towards second base in case it only made it far enough for a hit and not a home run, but that sound was music to his ears and he knew it was going to make it.
“Stark got a piece of that one and it’s going ...going……” Henry said over the P.A. and watched Zoey and Callie run towards the left field fence but the ball sailed over their heads. “GONE! Home run for Nathan Stark!”
Nathan dropped his bat on the ground as Tess took off her mask to glare at him. “What? Are you surprised I manipulated you into doing what I wanted?”
“Nope.” She said and put her hand on her hip as he started to jog away. “Played me, but it won’t happen again.”
“We’ll see.” He said and briskly jogged to first base and smiled at Ally who looked less than amused with him, and caught up with Jack as he tried to circle the bases as best he could. “Why don’t you hurry up so we can get your bruised ass treated before you have to take the mound.”
“My god!” Jack said as Nathan came up beside him. “How is what I said about the drones worse than what comes out of your mouth!?”
“Did you ever consider that it’s your brain that hears whatever it wants?” Nathan said. “I am legitimately concerned for your welfare and you react like I walked up and announced that I wanted to apply cream to your ass cheeks.”
“Don’t you?”
“It’s a pulsating…”
“Yeah it is.” Jack said as they trotted past third base together.
“It’s a pulsating magnetic therapy device that is going to help work the trapped blood from the contusion away so the bruise won’t hurt so much.” Nathan huffed.
“Right.” Jack said and limped the rest of the way to home plate where Tess looked pissed. “Oh my God, what the hell did you say to her? ‘Talk shit, get hit’ is a legitimate danger here!”
“Were you expecting a casual backyard game? In Eureka?” Nathan asked as Jack stepped on home plate and turned to look at him. “Seriously?”
“You just hit a home run.” Jack said and shook his head. “I don’t know if I should hit you or kiss you for being so fucking perfect.”
“I have been practicing.” Nathan said, took off his helmet and bent down to kiss Jack. “I knew this day was coming. Speaking of, let’s get you back to the locker room and work on that ass.”
Jack glanced back at Mansfield who seemed to not be as offended by them as Nathan had implied. Tess was rolling her eyes but was more focused on Zane now that he was approaching the plate. "Yeah, let's get some ice."
“Well, we lost.” Jack said. “But it was a hell of a game.”
“Actually, we won something better than a game.” Nathan said and waited for Jack to put his gear bag in the trunk..
“What? The valuable gift of teamwork?” Jack asked mockingly. “Or the precious gift of General Mansfield listening to you tell me ‘give it to me. Quit fondling your ball and give it to me with a good curve that just catches the tip of the sweet spot?’ ”
Nathan would never admit how much he liked how Jack mimicked him when he was repeating his words. “Get in the car and I’ll show you.”
“I am physically unable to manage anything agile, especially in your car.”
“Forty must be the new fourteen, because you are hornier than ever.” Nathan said and slammed his trunk.
“I’m just putting it out there as you have, on occasion, forgotten that I am injured.”
“I will not mistake your moans of agony for pleasure, I promise.” Nathan said and walked to his door. “Get in the car.”
Jack got into the passenger seat where a water bottle and a few pills were waiting for him on the console. He managed to swallow them and drink seconds before Nathan put his zippy sports car into drive and peeled out of the parking lot. “Hey ...watch your speed!”
Nathan grudgingly drove slower, only five mph over the speed limit. Jack was content with that as he knew it was done to placate him.
They were heading into town for the celebration party at Cafe Diem, so Jack was surprised when they turned off the main road and went down a dirt road. It was an old logging road from the looks of it. Someplace Taggart would go hunting for Big Foot. “Ummm..Nathan?”
“Just be patient.”
Jack hated when he said that because Nathan was such a damned tease. “Probably should have taken my car if we were going off roading.”
“We are on a road.” Nathan said.
Jack was surprised when they stopped in the woods and parked. “Make out session in the woods?“
“No.” Nathan said and opened his door, but leaned over to wink and say, “It’s an old missile silo.”
“Oh...no..” Jack said and Nathan got out of the car. Jack took a few deep breaths to brace himself to move and then opened the door and got out.
“Don't worry. It's Cold War era, decommissioned ages ago.” Nathan said and that didn’t seem to erase Jack’s look of concern. Rightly so, things that were decommissioned were usually more lethal than the active weapons cache around Eureka. “It’s empty.”
Jack walked over to the empty patch of land and realized it was kinda odd that there would be a huge circular spot where no trees were growing in the thick Pacific Northwestern forest. He looked to Nathan who took out his phone and began tapping away at it. Then the earth shook and he jumped back as the ground opened up to reveal a huge, dark pit. He looked into it and immediately started to get queasy knowing it was a long way down. “Wow, Nathan, your negotiating skills never cease to amaze...you won this? Is this like...our grave plot?”
“It’s the basement for our new house.” Nathan said and Jack looked at him with his classic look of confusion.
“What?”
“Our home. The cabin you want, the server and power storage S.A.R.A.H. wants and the shower I want.” Nathan said and closed the silo hatch and projected a hologram of the cabin to it’s future location from his phone.
“Holy shit.” Jack said as the image of a cabin materialized right in front of him and all around him. “All this for a bigger shower? We already have a cabin.”
“You have a previously condemned structure where we have made plenty of memories, however it’s unsuitable for more than a getaway cabin.” Nathan said and set his phone down so he could walk over to Jack who was standing in front of a holographic fireplace. “We, as a family, have outgrown the bunker. S.A.R.A.H. hates my house and refuses to let me retrofit it for her. So we compromised and designed a new home for all of us.”
“How...did you win this?” Jack asked.
“I needed approval to rezone the silo for a private residence. I needed the land.” Nathan said. “Land, like Eureka, that is government owned. Considering all the housing in Eureka is also government provided and there are empty houses being maintained, pushing forward with permits for a new build was not easy. Even for me.”
“I guess...I never really considered that.” Jack said and rarely thought about the fact that he didn’t pay rent or utilities since he had been in Eureka for so long. Perks of the job for everyone. He didn’t think about there being some building commission person at GD, but there was always a person for everything so…”How did you win this?”
“Mansfield and I placed a little bet.”
“You bet against us?!?”
“Really?” Nathan asked. “Did you seriously think we stood a chance against the girls?”
“I had dreams of a perfect game.”
“Delusions.” Nathan corrected him.
“OK, So I’m not sixteen anymore and my shoulder…”
“Is going to require surgery.” Nathan said.
“He took the bet? Even with you betting against your own team?” Jack asked. “Is he even allowed to bet on a game as the umpire?!”
“The deal went more along the lines of letting him umpire because he missed doing it for his kids little league game and, “ Nathan paused for effect because he loved the look Jack got on his face when he was hanging on his next word. “The bet was on us. I told him if we couldn’t win him over in nine innings that I would withdraw my request for the new build.”
“Does he really have a problem with us being married?” Jack asked. He didn't get that feeling from Mansfield, but he was well aware Eureka was a pretty unique and accepting place.
“His issue is with me.” Nathan said. “Let’s just say that I was less than confidence inspiring when things went to hell with Allison. I left Eureka, giving up on everything. Then I came back and we had more problems, caused more problems, and covered for each other. Next we go to get married again and I vanish from the timeline and end up haunting you and deciding I didn’t want to remarry her after all. You and I write a children's book in your cabin together, while you’re under psychiatric evaluation, and we send a autistic teenager into GD with instructions on how to break into the time lab and tinker with space-time. Then you and I start dating immediately after I come back to life, despite my ex-fiance being pregnant with my child. You and I then raised all kinds of red flags with the relationship auditor and raised all kinds of hell to appeal his decision.”
“You raised most of the hell, I just raised you from the dead.” Jack reminded him.
“And then I wanted my job back.” Nathan said.
“Yeah.” Jack said. It was all he could say because Nathan going on a tear through the DoD over dating who he wanted and getting the job he wanted had been something else . They gave him what he wanted so he would just leave and go back to his private corner of the world with his boyfriend and stop threatening them.
“Yeah.” Nathan said. “We were also on a probationary period with the relationship auditor and then we got married anyway. Huge ‘fuck you’ to the DoD.”
“It was your birthday.” Jack said with a pout.
“So to answer your question, Mansfield didn’t want to approve a project of this magnitude when he considers us a huge risk factor because of our positions of authority in this town, since he knew me well enough to know how good I am at wrecking my marriage.”
Jack digested all that and then looped his arms around Nathan’s waist and pulled him close. “So, what you’re telling me is...that all our inappropriate sexual talk convinced him that we were really in love and were going to make this work?”
“You being you, defuses a lot of situations and this is no exception.” Nathan said. “He was able to see that we can work together, that I can manage my ex and family and the entire town absolutely adores us. We won him over.”
“Mansfield can sign the deed over?” Jack asked confused.
“He can sign off on the project.” Nathan explained. “It’s a big deal to reclassify something like an old silo. It’s a military asset, even if it’s abandoned they think there is something they might have overlooked when they took it offline…”
“Probably will be.” Jack interrupted.
“But it’s a safe and secure start for what I will need to relocate S.A.R.A.H. as well as run separate lines to tie into GD remotely. It’s going to be more than a cabin, it’s going to be a home for the director of GD that will also function as a secure location in the event that GD is taken over…”
“Again…”
Nathan paused and drank in his smile. For all the shit they had been through and all the things that had happened in this town, Jack still could smile when they talked about the disasters of the past. “Yeah. In case GD is compromised again .”
“So it wasn’t just the land, you needed permission to become an all powerful head of the most advanced scientific facility in the world and he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to let you abuse that power and help you on your quest for world domination?”
“Something like that.”
“I told you he considered being compromised by your sexy voice and surprisingly ripped body.” Jack said with a grin. “Nobody has to double check to see if the local Sheriff is still capable of stopping evil while being under the influence of someone as irresistible as you, unless they’ve felt the draw too.”
“Stop talking or I remind you that your ass is bruised.”
Jack snorted and kissed him. “So this is my present? A huge hole in the ground and a house I didn’t have any input on?”
“I’m telling you now so that you can have input.” Nathan said. “However S.A.R.A.H. and I are confident we covered all the bases.”
“What happens if you’re not head of GD?” Jack asked. “Do we lose our house?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Which one?” Jack asked.
“I’m keeping my job. My home. My husband.” Nathan said and kissed him. “So, do you like it?”
“I like the sound of that a lot.” Jack smiled. “I’m really liking whatever drugs you gave me because nothing hurts right now.”
“Yeah, let’s get you to GD do we can look at the damage you did to yourself.” Nathan kissed the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him along to go retrieve his phone. “You can play with the house plans while I figure out how to glue you back together so we can leave for your birthday weekend tomorrow.”
“You literally just told me my gift was that you were building a house so we can stay in Eureka.”
“OK, I’ll sell the field box seats to the Dodgers game and the Sandy Koufax autographed glove.”
“If you’re fucking with me I will shove you down that big dark hole behind us.”
Nathan picked up his phone and turned off the hologram. He flipped to a picture of the glove and tickets on their bed at home. “Since I knew you’d either be in the infirmary or too high on painkillers to make this presentation memorable, I took a picture.”
Jack’s mouth dropped open.
“Not that you would give me any reason to believe you would pass out on our bed right next to a lovingly chosen gift...” Nathan was silenced by a kiss. He wrapped his arms around Jack, careful to not jar his shoulder or touch his left ass or his right thigh which was probably covered in abrasions from sliding into second base. If he only knew most of the recent physical therapy advancements had been created because of him.
“Ok.” Jack said as soon as he could pry himself away from kissing the man he loved, the man who loved him enough to spoil him. “In my defense, my wedding present would have been seen and acknowledged if you didn’t lure me into the shower and leave me so exhausted I barely had the strength to crawl up the stairs to bed.”
“Lesson learned.” Nathan said and started moving him towards the car.
“I do love my watch that you made me.” Jack said. “And the whole ‘time’ theme you were going for. Still creeped out by you tracking my vitals and location with it.”
“It has saved your life.” Nathan said and opened the car door. Jack turned to him and kissed him again. “Stop avoiding getting in the car.”
“It’s going to hurt. Even with the painkillers, sitting hurts. Oh god, why did I think playing baseball was a good idea?” Jack whined.
“You’re an idiot.” Nathan said and gave him a shove to sit down and then closed the door. He looked back at the spot where there new house would be, wishing it was already there and they could enjoy a soak in the hot tub. He wasn’t going to admit he was sore as hell too, Lupo did a number on him when she took him out at home plate. He walked around to the drivers side to take them to the infirmary where he expected quite a few players to already be. At least there were less casualties than the last time they had a chess tournament at Tesla.