Chapter Text
He hadn’t even seen the hit coming. It wasn’t just because it came too quickly either. Bill’s arm pulled back faster than he could’ve anticipated, faster than his brain could track it. Bill was strong, he was quick, and his movements were precise. But it wasn’t why he didn’t see the attack coming.
He just never imagined Bill would be the one to hurt him.
He never imagined one of his best friends, the first friend he ever made and someone who had stuck with him for so long, that this same person would be the one to punch him in the fact so hard he fell down. In that moment he didn’t feel the betrayal really, he only felt the anger blazing through his body.
He didn’t really remember much from the fight itself, if you can even call it a fight really. He remembered a lot of shouting, he remembered how he felt in that moment, but he didn’t truly remember what he had said, or what Bill had said to him in response, or even what the others had said or done.
Richie sighs miserably, staring at his face in the mirror, face scrunching up as pain radiates from his mouth. Bill had hit him, had hit him hard. It wasn’t hard enough to knock out a tooth, but it still hurt… it hurt both physically and emotionally. It still hurt him, even 5 days after the ‘fight’.
It didn’t matter, he didn’t need them. Fuck them, fuck Bill, fuck everyone who made him go to that fucking crackhead house. He wanted to stay alive, he didn’t want to die, and if that meant this, if it meant fighting with his best friend, getting hit in the face, then so be it, he just wanted to live.
Richie sighs again, blowing out a shaky breath before leaving his room. He quickly made his way downstairs, but of course nobody was home, his parents never were anyways. They were probably on another holiday of some sorts, enjoying their lives without him in it, not like that was any different when they were home.
The younger boy growls low in his throat at the thought, shaking his head.
He didn’t need them, he didn’t need his parents, he didn’t need his friends, he was just fine on his own. He didn’t grab anything, he didn’t need that either, and just made his way outside. He grabbed his bike, pulling it off the ground and, without looking back, he jumped on his bike.
Not knowing what would happen later that day.
*
*
*
Nine days later
He had rarely been here.
That’s the first thought Bill had when he walked up to the house. In the last almost 10 years that they’ve known each other, Bill had spent so little time at Richie’s home, and he never even realised it before. It was usually at his house, or even Stan’s. He had even seen Eddie’s home more than Richie’s.
Of course all Losers had a feeling, a hunch of what was going on, but they never really questioned it either. Now Bill wished he had, because it would make the walk up to the house a lot easier, even if that sounded so silly in his head. He just couldn’t help himself right now.
Richie was one of his best friends, and he shouldn’t be nervous about going to his house. But he messed up, he messed up big time, and he had to make sure he didn’t lose Richie permanently.
Bill softly taps on the door, hesitant at first but he reaches out again, knocking harder. The bell was broken, or maybe he couldn’t hear the noise outside, but he had waited, nobody answered so he figured the bell must be broken. He knocked again, frowning slightly as nobody opened again.
Richie’s bike was right there! Either he was too mad to even open the door for Bill, or he didn’t hear it. Bill stops for a moment, and he frowns.
Or something happened to him.
“S-screw it.” Bill mutters, reaching for the door and twisting. He hadn’t actually expected the door to open, so he freezes for a second when it does, already preparing to reach for the spare key under a loose brick. Not under the doormat, that’s what Richie had told him once at least.
But right now the house wasn’t locked at all, and Bill couldn’t help but shiver at that, slowly pushing the door open.
“Hello?” He asks softly, almost mentally slapping himself at the action. But he pushes the door open more, walking into the house. It was quiet, eerily quiet and there was an atmosphere Bill couldn’t quite place, he just knew that he didn’t like it at all.
He swallows thickly, looking around the room, but nobody was there. There were no signs that anyone has been here really, it almost looked like… Richie hadn’t been home in the last weeks or something. Bill almost winced at the thought, had it really been so long since he had seen Richie?
He shakes his head, not allowing himself to think about that now.
He glances to the hallway, and he quickly makes his way over to the second floor, looking around for a moment. There really wasn’t anything weird about the house, but still, Bill didn’t trust it at all. Richie should be home, he already checked the arcade, the clubhouse, and any other place Richie could be.
How was he supposed to apologise if he wasn’t to be found?
Bill guessed it was also something he deserved, he was the worst friend, especially considering he punched Richie in the face over… essentially telling the truth.
Bill slowly pushed open the door to Richie’s room and something escaped his throat. A sound, hidden deep in him, a sound he had no clue he could make. But he did, he made it and he almost winced at the sound. His mouth falls open, and for a moment he can do nothing but stare.
He’s too shocked to react, too shocked to cry, too shocked to feel guilt.
You’ll die if you try.
It was blood, Bill instantly knew it was blood, and he immediately knew what it meant. Even without the red balloon drawn next to it, he would’ve understood it immediately, and he was gone before he even knew it. He just ran, forgetting his own bike in the process, he couldn’t think straight.
He just ran, straight towards Stan’s house.
He didn’t even remember greeting Stan’s mom, wasn’t sure if he even did, but at the moment he couldn’t care less, storming into Stan’s room with wide eyes.
“Did you apolo-” Stan starts, but stops immediately as he sees Bill.
“I-IT-” Bill starts, chest heaving. “IT got Richie.”
*
*
*
The first thing he saw was Richie, not floating in the air, or chained up, or just anything that he expected was thrown right out of the window. He was just standing there, holding his broken glasses in his hands. Bill could see the cracks in the glasses, blood splattered across them as he held them so delicately.
“What took you so long?” Richie breathes out, tears streaming down his face and mixing with the blood.
“I-I .. I didn’t know,” Bill whimpers.
“Why did you leave me Bill?” Richie whispers, sounding so broken. And Bill can almost feel his heart shatter at the sound.
“I-I’m sorry,” Bill whimpers, feeling the gun burn in his hands. He ignored the tears, tried to bite them down, force them away. He had to remind himself… he couldn’t forget… “D-Do you… can you f-forgive me?” Bill asks softly, and he didn’t need to pretend, he wanted to know if Richie could.
But he also knew, that the answer he would get would be meaningless anyways.
Richie sobs, and Bill could see blood streaming from a deep cut on his leg, staining his pants and looking painful. His fingers were coated in his own blood, and Bill could feel himself getting sick at the realisation that Richie… that he wanted him to believe that Richie… wrote that message.
“You hit me Bill, I thought you were my friend?” Richie whimpered, tears streaming down his face. Bill sobs, feeling his fingers tighten around the gun. He could feel all the Losers behind him, but he wasn’t sure if they understood, that they realised that this was all a trick, a trick specially for him.
“I am your friend Richie, I’ll always b-be,” Bill swallows thickly.
“I want to go home Bill.” Richie whispers, staring at him with pleading eyes. Bill could feel his chest tighten painfully, sobs tearing from his lungs.
“I want more than anything for you to be home Richie… with all of us… go to the q-quarry… just the 7 of us… “ Bill takes a few steps forwards, until he was at arm’s length with Richie. The boy doesn’t move, tears streaming down his face as he looks at Bill.
“I love you big Bill.” He whimpers and for a moment, Bill can’t say anything, can only stare.
“I love you too.” Bill’s chest heaves as he pulled the gun up to Richie’s head. Richie sobs again, eyes widening to stare at him with pleading eyes. Bill froze almost, just for a split second he froze. Richie’s eyes, they were so real, and so easy to believe.
They were filled with fear, begging for him to not shoot. And he almost couldn’t do it.
“But you’re not Richie.” Bill whimpers, and then he pulled the trigger. He couldn’t see the needle jamming into Richie’s forehead, but he didn’t want to see it anyways. He knew this wasn’t Richie, he knew Richie was dead, but it didn’t make it any easier to see, because he still had his face.
Richie’s eyes didn’t widen, going totally blank as he crashes backwards, towards the ground, dead before he can even hit the ground.
And then it transformed into the clown.
*
*
*
“Hey.” Bev whispers softly, sitting down next to Bill. They were both bruised up, numerous cuts and lacerations on their bodies that proved that their fight had really happened. Bev stared at Bill’s hand, the skin still split open, but that one… that one wasn’t from the fight with Pennywise, as much as he wanted it to be.
Bill swallows thickly, staring ahead with a blank expression.
Their feet were hanging off the edge of the quarry, and there was no one else in sight, it was just him and Beverly. And he would’ve been so excited about that just a few days ago… to be alone with Beverly.. but now he could feel nothing but shame, desperation at the thought that it was his fault.
“Are you okay?” Bev asks, and that seems to be the wrong thing to say. Every resolve broke and Bill could feel tears starting to cascade down his face within seconds. He sobs, lowering his head and burying his face in his hands. He lowers his head, not able to stop the tears from coming.
And so he doesn’t.
He cries, he lets it all out. He cries and he feels Bev’s arms wrap around him. He just sits there numbly as he’s pulled into the embrace, crying loudly and pouring out everything he feels, not caring about what anyone things, He couldn’t even stop himself even if he wanted to, so he just cried.
He cried loudly, for the fight that he shouldn’t have started, for the way he punched Richie in the face, for screaming at him, for shouting at him, and for leaving him that day. For not visiting him even once in those 2 weeks, for not… thinking about visiting him when he knew about Richie’s home life.
It was his fault… it was all his fault that Richie was gone.
*
*
*
There was a weird period of a few days where they knew more than the rest of the town did. It seemed as if people had suddenly woken up, the kids were being mourned, and while the curfews lifted after the arrest of Henry Bowers, who they quickly blamed as the culprit for the murders, it made way for paranoia.
It was like everyone suddenly cared about their kids again who didn’t before.
The police had raided the sewers after Stan had tipped them off, and they had found all the bodies that Pennywise was saving for the hibernation. All the kids that had gone missing in the last 8 months or so were there, and it took them days to get them all out, even with all the workers they brought in from outside the city.
The morgue was working overtime to identify all the bodies, and to give everyone closure. So the Losers could do nothing but wait for the moment Richie’s parents would be called to identify his body, if they even showed up at all. They hadn’t noticed Richie had been gone at all, and were still enjoying their holiday.
“Hello?” Bill answers the phone, rubbing at his eyes to wipe away the tears. The house was eerily silent, and he almost couldn’t stand it anymore. His parents were at work, but only because Bill had told them it was okay, that he was okay. Even if he actually wasn’t, but they didn’t need to know that.
“Hey Bill, it’s me.” The voice on the other side of the line spoke, and Bill frowns slightly.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. U-Uris.” Bill says softly. “N-Not to sound rude b-but why are you calling?” He asks, and Mrs. Uris sucks in a breath.
“No it’s not rude at all, I’m just wondering if Stan is with you, he didn’t come home last night.” That…. that was enough for his stomach to drop, and he felt nauseous all of a sudden.
“S-Stan… didn’t come home?” Bill whispers, and he almost fears she didn’t hear him.
“So you haven’t seen him?” Andrea’s voice was equally as soft, sounding so broken.
“I haven’t seen him since yesterday.” Bill responds.
“Oh that’s okay… maybe he’s with Eddie, I’ll call him now. I’m sure he’s okay.” And that’s when the line disconnected, but Bill knew. He knew before he had even heard more, he knew before he had called Eddie. He had no idea what Eddie was doing, what any of the Losers were doing.
But he knew… somehow he knew Stan’s mom was going to get the same confused answer from Eddie, and the same confused answer from Bev, Mike and Ben as well. He just knew it before Stan’s mom had even hung up. Stan wasn’t with the Losers, he just knew it, he could feel it.
Stan was gone.
*
*
*
4 days later
“Bill?” Eddie frowns slightly, glancing at him. Bill swallows thickly. “What are you doing here?” He asks, glancing back into the living room quickly before stepping out, closing the door almost completely.
“They called my p-parents to the morgue,” Bill whispers, feeling tears sting in his eyes.
“Oh…” Eddie whispers, because he knew all too well what that meant. They had finally identified Georgie’s body, now 8 days after the discovery.
“S-Stan was gonna come w-with me but... -” Bill trails off, looking at the ground, and for a moment Eddie doesn’t know what to say. Stan had promised Bill he would go with him if he was going in to identify Georgie, Bill didn’t want to see Georgie but he knew… he knew he would need it for closure.
And Stan understood, immediately offering to go with him. But now with Stan missing, he was missing, he obviously couldn’t go. Stan’s disappearance freaked the whole town out, because they had caught Henry, they had caught the killer and found all the bodies, it was over they thought.
Which only meant that this was something new, and Stan’s disappearance was just that, a missing case.
“I’ll go with you, of course.” Eddie says hurriedly, rushing inside the home and grabbing his jacket. He didn’t bother telling his mom, he didn’t even particularly care either. He just knew that he had, and wanted, to be there for his friend.
The ride towards the morgue was silent, none of them knowing what to say really, but they didn’t need to talk. They were just enjoying each other’s company, silently cycling the relatively short trip to the morgue. Eddie stayed close as Bill walked into the morgue, eyes darting around.
Sharon gave him a short smile, but she didn’t come up to him, just silently wrapping her arms around Bill for a moment, a silent comfort.
Eddie smiles back softly, not really knowing what to do either but just be there for them.
“Do you mind…?” Bill asks, and Eddie can see tears lingering in his eyes.
“Go Bill, I’ll wait.” Eddie whispers encouragingly, but he couldn’t get himself to smile. Bill seemed to appreciate it nevertheless, flashing him a quick smile before entering the room with his parents.
Eddie didn’t really know how long it took, but Eddie was there, he wouldn’t go away, but he just wished he wasn’t there at the same time. Because Stan was supposed to be here, and not him. He was glad he could be there for Bill, but it only capitalised on the fact that Stan couldn't be there.
It lasted long though, that’s all Eddie knew, but Eddie didn’t mind.
Eventually the door opened again, and Eddie could see them walking out of the room, red eyes and with tears brimming in them. Eddie was immediately up, and Bill didn’t hesitate to walk straight at Eddie and hugging him closely. Bill didn’t cry, just silently stood there as he took comfort.
Eddie just silently rubbed Bill’s back, hiding his face from the rest of the world.
“I-It was him… “ Bill whispers brokenly, and Eddie can feel his heart shatter, lifting his head almost hesitantly. “They showed pictures of G-G.. Georgie… his f-face… and the scar on his s-shoulder…” Bill stutters, wiping at his tears. Eddie is silent for a moment, not really know what to say to him.
He had been there the day Georgie fell off that fence, ripped open his shoulder. It was bad enough to need two stitches and it had been Bill’s fault because he allowed Georgie to come along that day. To think that that would be the way Georgie’s body would be identified 2 years later…
Eddie didn’t want to think about it really, didn’t want to think about people making pictures of Georgie’s body, his face, the scars and then to show it to Bill.
“Bill?” His mom softly asks, also with tears in her eyes. It was suddenly so real, but they had all known before, they had known Georgie was dead, had accepted it all. Even Bill knew in the back of his head, he just refused to accept it. “Are you really to go home?” She asks and Bill lifts his head.
“I-I…” Bill whispers, licking his lips and looking at Eddie. “Can I s-stay with Eddie tonight? I just... “ Bill stops himself, unable to continue, but Eddie understood what he wanted nevertheless. Georgie’s death has been 8 months ago now, but Richie… they had found out about his death a week ago, and Stan had disappeared a few days ago.
He wanted to be together, and they had all wanted to meet today at Mike’s farm.
Sharon’s face softened, and she wipes at her own tears. “Of course honey, whatever you need.” She whispers, walking up to him and giving him a long hug. Bill melted in the hug, closing his eyes. His dad joined as well, and for a moment Eddie felt like intruding on a moment he shouldn’t intrude on.
But Bill eventually pulled away, nodding.
“I love you,” He whispers, and Sharon smiles at him, brushing at the tears before kissing the top of his head. They lingered for a little moment before leaving the building. Eddie didn’t press as Bill sniffled for a moment, and they just stood there. Eddie understood Bill needed a moment, so he just waited.
Eventually it was one of the workers who came up to them. “Do you want anything to drink, or to eat?” She asks softly, and Bill sniffles again.
“Water?” He croaks, and the lady nods, walking off to get a glass of water for him. Bill gratefully takes it, sipping.
“Were we…-” He starts softly, clearing his throat. “Was G-Georgie the last?” Bill whispers. The lady looks at him for a moment, flashing him an apologetic smile.
“We’re almost done yes, there are two more girls to be identified but after that we can finally close the case, and hopefully give everyone closure.” She says softly. “I know I told your family before but if you need any resources about dealing with this, I am here to help, even if you don’t want your parents to know, it’s all confidential, I promise.”
Bill frowns, but he softly shakes his head. “N-No I’m okay, I think.” Bill whispers and the lady flashes him a smile, glancing at Eddie.
“It appears so.” She whispers, a strange look on her face, but Eddie wasn’t looking at her.
“When did the Tozier’s come back?” Eddie whispers, more to himself but Bill and the lady heard it nevertheless. “I didn’t see a car when we were cycling past, so how could they have-?” Eddie trails off, a frown still on his face.
“They didn’t, we haven’t been able to reach them.” The lady answers, and now Bill frowns as well.
“H-How can you c-close the case without them identifying R-R… Richie?” Bill asks, and the lady blinks in confusion for a moment, as if there was something so obvious to her that apparently wasn’t.
“There is no body for them to identify boys.” She speaks up, and Eddie and Bill immediately look at each other. “Henry Bowers must have disposed of the body completely, rumour had it that he chased Richie out of the arcade that day he went missing, Henry probably killed him before he could take him back to the sewers.”
But that…. that didn’t make sense. Because they knew that Pennywise didn’t work like that. The kids... he needed them for the 27 years of hibernation. So if they hadn’t found Richie’s body in those sewers along with all the others kids that did go missing, along with Georgie, Betty and so many more…
That meant Richie was still alive.