Chapter Text
Jake woke up to an unusually angled beam of sun. It took him a moment to realize where he was, but he smiled when he realized he’d fallen asleep next to Kirby, their dorm mattresses lying next to each other on the floor of their dorm. The Super Smash Bros: Ultimate loading screen was still glowing from Kirby’s Nintendo Switch in front of them, tempting Jake, but his phone buzzed before he could even glance at the Joy-Cons. He sighed, reaching for his phone on the desk next to him.
walking bi stereotype: jake holy shit
stuntmaster420: why are you texting me at nine in the morning on a saturday arent you usually asleep at this hour
walking bi stereotype: yes but listen
walking bi stereotype: i have really big news
walking bi stereotype: like really really big news
stuntmaster420: whats up?
walking bi stereotype: im?? engaged????
stuntmaster420: what the FUCK
walking bi stereotype: i KNOW dani and i were smoking last night and she was like hey wanna get married and i was like yeah ofc and she was like im not joking and i was like yeah neither am i and she was like cool how does the last weekend of spring break sound and i was like. okay.
walking bi stereotype: and i wasnt like 100% certain she was serious but THEN this MORNING she was just like
walking bi stereotype: so i was thinking small ceremony, big reception?
walking bi stereotype: and i was like. holy shit
walking bi stereotype: ANYWAY all this to say
walking bi stereotype: youre coming to our wedding
walking bi stereotype: dani is looking over my shoulder and says if you dont come shell use you as fertilizer
stuntmaster420: tell her to chill im totally coming!!
walking bi stereotype: HELL yeah
walking bi stereotype: you get a plus one but like obv you dont have to bring somebody
walking bi stereotype: i really hope its not weird that youre like the only single one our age
walking bi stereotype: uh i mean
stuntmaster420: good thing i have a boyfriend then
walking bi stereotype: WHAT
walking bi stereotype: whomst...
stuntmaster420: youll see ;)
walking bi stereotype: 👀
Jake felt a sense of panic filling his body. Not only did he not have a boyfriend, he had no idea why he had said that he did... But it wasn't exactly easy to tell Aubrey he’d lied, even on accident. Which only made the panic worse, of course. Lying to Aubrey meant lying to Dani, Mama, his dad, Joseph... Hollis and Keith... He wasn’t sure he could manage that!
Maybe he could stage a breakup. Or hope she’d forget. Or–
Kirby yawned, then sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Mornin’.”
“Oh. Kirby. Hi.” Jake tried to grin at his roommate, but his nerves must’ve shown, because Kirby frowned.
“What’s up? You look bummed.”
“Uh, well, Aubrey and Dani got engaged, and Aubrey was talking about how I’m the only single one in the group, and I panicked and said I had a boyfriend, and I don’t, and now they’re going to expect me to bring somebody to the wedding? And also the wedding is in a month.”
“Holy shit, dude! That’s awesome for them, but, also, holy shit, where are you gonna find a boyfriend that quick? Aren’t you demi?”
“Yeah...” Jake sighed and flopped down so he was lying on Kirby’s lap. “I might just ask someone to pretend to be my boyfriend, but I can’t think of anyone I’m that close to that they don’t know... Well, except you, but...”
“I mean, I’ll do it.” Kirby carded his fingers through Jake’s hair soothingly as he spoke.
“Wait, seriously? I thought you’d think it was weird.” Jake laughed a bit, trying to avoid thinking about the catch in his breath at the idea.
“Well, yeah, it’s weird, but that’s sort of my business! Would a true cryptozoolojournalist run from weirdness?”
“I think you just made that word up.”
“And I think you’ve gotta be nicer than that if you’re gonna be my fake boyfriend.”
Jake sighed, feeling Kirby’s fingers lightly scratching at the nape of his neck, helping his worries melt away. “I mean... Yeah. What could go wrong, right?”