Chapter Text
“I don’t think she likes me.”
“Who?” Lucas asked, clearly distracted, though by what Max couldn’t say. As far as she could tell they were watching a movie, but Max was pretty sure that Lucas, as her boyfriend, was supposed to be watching her. That was what the boyfriends in California did. At least she was pretty sure. Her friends back home certainly claimed that was what was supposed to happen.
In any case, Lucas clearly wasn’t paying attention, and Max thought this was a very important subject.
“El,” Max said. “Eleven. I don’t think she likes me.”
“She likes you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. How could someone not like you?”
Lucas sounded so distracted as he said it that Max was not inclined to believe him. She narrowed her eyes and pinched his arm, making him flinch into the person next to him. He turned with a scowl and hushed them both.
“What was that for?” Lucas hissed.
“You’re not paying attention. This is a big deal.”
“What do you mean?”
Max opened her mouth, flailing to articulate why this was bugging her so much. The truth was, she was finding it hard to define herself. She didn’t know why she was so obsessed with the idea that El secretly hated her. It was just a nagging worry whenever they all got together. It was distracting and exhausting, and Max was getting tired of seeing the back of El’s head all the time.
“I don’t know. We’re both girls, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.”
“And everyone else is a guy. So shouldn’t we be, I don’t know, gal pals? Girlfriends?”
Lucas snorted at her choice of words, and Max blushed. “You know what I mean.”
“I think you worry too much.” Lucas turned himself back towards the movie and picked up a single piece of popcorn. For all his supposed manliness, Max couldn’t help but notice that Lucas could be delicate sometimes. Eating his popcorn one piece at a time. Plus he screamed like a girl.
Lucas didn’t have to worry about El liking him. He and El were bosom buddies at this point- they had survived two apocalypses together. Max felt sort of pathetic in comparison, especially considering how El could single-handedly destroy monsters and kill people and shit and all Max could do was scream and linger in the background. Maybe that was why Max wished they were closer- she felt so unworthy that she needed El’s approval. That thought made her feel gross, though. It wasn’t about that.
The movie boomed on, and Max glanced at Lucas, watching the light from the screen play over his face. He smiled at something the characters said; he looked so boyish.
So many things were changing right now. Summer was creeping up hot and thick on the horizon- Max’s first away from California. She had a boyfriend, for the first time in her life. She also had friends she could stand, friends she even sort of liked. And Billy was leaving her alone, just like she’d always wanted.
Why was she so bothered by this one detail?
“Max,” Lucas said, and Max registered that he was looking at her. “If you really want to get to know El, then get to know her. She’s not as scary as she seems.”
“I know-”
“If you guys hung out, I think you’d get along. And she definitely wouldn’t hate you..”
Lucas smiled at her, and Max was reminded why she was doing this. Why she was sitting here in the dark with this boy, being a girlfriend . Sometimes she forgot how much she liked Lucas, and the moments when she did were such a relief. They were like the universe patting her head and saying you’re not making a mistake. You’re who you’re supposed to be, right now.
And if she wanted to…
She could lean over and kiss him. She’d done it twice: once at the school dance last winter, once a few months ago. She could imagine their lips meeting, and the taste of popcorn in her mouth.
Instead, Max smiled at him and turned back to the movie, hoping he didn’t notice her blushing. She was just taking it slow, she reminded herself. It was fine that she didn’t want to make out with him at any given opportunity, okay that she wasn’t the throbbing ball of hormones and lust that the girls in her mom’s magazines were.
Everything was absolutely okay with her.
Kissing was off-topic. Max’s mind circled back to El, and the rest of the movie was ruined