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Ahsoka takes in a deep breath. Lets it out. Inhale. Exhale. And then, still shaking with exhaustion, fear, and rage, turns around.
“Hello, Master.”
Obi-Wan smiles, an expression full of fondness and the realization that he deserves none of the respect she is giving him.
She doesn’t actually want him to feel that way, but why didn’t he just fight a little harder?
But then, even Anakin had given up on her.
“You’re a hard woman to find,” Obi-Wan says, still smiling, still standing at the entrance to the mech bay.
She appreciates that he calls her a woman. A child, by most galactic standards, but living on her own for so many long months, and so close to adulthood anyway. Yes, she is a hard woman to find.
“The Jedi taught me how not to be found,” Ahsoka replies.
Obi-Wan’s smile falters at the chill in her voice. “You don’t want me here.”
“Observant as always, Master Obi-Wan.”
Trace coughs, and Ahsoka breathes deeply again. This was how she chose to tell her. Great decision, little ‘Soka, says the voice in her head that often seems to belong to Plo Koon.
“Trace,” Ahsoka begins, but the betrayal is already across her something-more-than-a-friend’s face and Trace’s tools clatter to the floor when she runs off. Great. This was going so well.
“I seem to have upset your friend,” Obi-Wan says.
“Yeah, well, that happens when the Jedi abandon you for a war they have no business fighting.” She can hardly keep the snarl out of her voice, and she hates it, hates that she’s so angry, hates that she doesn’t want her grandmaster here, hates that she’s taking out her anger on him.
So she closes her eyes. She breathes again, until the Force has steadied the red-hot feelings in her heart, and then she opens her eyes to look at Obi-Wan.
“You’re allowed to feel that we abandoned you,” Obi-Wan says. He’s always had a habit of seeing straight through her words to the meaning behind them. “We--the Jedi--I did.”
There it is. The confession. She should just kick him out, ask him to leave, maybe she could say it nicely, and then go after Trace and explain everything.
She doesn’t.
“Did you even fight for me?”
Obi-Wan’s face finally crumples, his own hurt and defeat breaking through that constant, almost off-puttingly stoic facade. “I will always wish I had fought harder,” he whispers. He blinks. “I am so sorry I did not do more. I should have trusted you. I should have believed in you. I knew you were not capable of the atrocities of which you were accused, and still I believed in only the evidence--falsified, altered evidence.” He blinks again, harder.
She’s not sure she’s ever seen Obi-Wan cry. She hopes he doesn’t. She’s pretty sure it would break her, too, and she’s only just managed to start the healing process.
“Not even Anakin believed I was innocent,” Ahsoka says, almost comforting. Not quite comforting. How was that supposed to be comforting?
Obi-Wan’s brow furrows, his head tilts. “He fought for you every step of the way, little one.”
Ahsoka puffs out a breath of mirthless laughter. “Because he was attached. He always gets attached. He didn’t believe in me, he just wanted me to stay.”
His face relaxes, as if he sees her point and is willing to concede. “You deserved better.”
I did. She won’t deny that. She knows, now, that she didn’t really do anything to help herself, but that doesn’t change that she deserved better from the people whose hands held her life for so long. She deserved better.
“I have better,” she says, a little tightly, a little bitterly. “I have Trace.”
“Is she the one I upset?” Obi-Wan asks, but he has a little knowing smile, the kind he once had when she was around Lux, the kind she loves to hate from him.
“Yeah. She’s the one we upset.” She knows she’s going to have to go find Trace, explain everything once this is over. “She didn’t know I used to be a Jedi. The lower levels--we abandoned them, Obi-Wan.” Ahsoka sighs and blinks back tears. “Even before I left, the Jedi abandoned them.”
“For a war we have no business fighting?” Obi-Wan confirms.
Ahsoka’s cheeks warm. “Well, yes, that’s--”
“No, little one,” he interjects. “You were right. You are right. We are not warriors. We are peacekeepers who were dragged into a war, and since then we have lost our way.”
Obi-Wan agreed? “But you’re a High General. And Cody--”
“Yes, I do love Cody.” It’s his turn to huff a breath of laughter. “I am grateful to have had the chance to meet him, and I am grateful for the work I do with him. But that does not mean I found this war willingly, or that I chose to be a High General.” He runs a hand down his face. “We should never have been involved. We have lost our way.”
Ahsoka senses that Obi-Wan’s priority has shifted. “You want to help,” she says.
“Observant as always, my dear Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan teases. “Yes, I do want to help. Did you know that Qui-Gon is from the lower levels?”
Ahsoka shakes her head. “I knew he was from Coruscant, but I didn’t know he was from the lower levels.”
He nods slowly. “Imagine what would have happened if the Jedi were dragged into a war like this around the time Master Qui-Gon was born.”
She knows what he means. If the Jedi had forgotten all but the surface, would they have found Qui-Gon? Would they have cared?
Would Obi-Wan have had a master at all? Would anyone have found Anakin?
Who would have trained her?
“I have abandoned everything that once mattered to me, and in doing so I have hurt so many.” Obi-Wan gestures out across the level from the mech bay entrance. “I hurt you, Ahsoka. I can only hope one day you will forgive me.” He steps toward her, tentative.
She rushes to him, wraps her arms around him.
“Master,” she murmurs into his robes when he finally hugs her back, “you are the only one who cared enough to find me.” She doesn’t say she forgives him, not yet. She’s not ready yet.
But she knows he will be the first.