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Lan Xichen is playing with the parcel in his hands. He isn’t sure he’ll actually give it to Nie Mingjue yet, but then again, he already has it.
A blade as fine as this shouldn’t go to waste.
The decision is taken out of his hands when it knocks on his door and a second later Nie Mingjue comes in.
Lan Xichen wonders briefly if he could get away with hiding the box behind his back, but then Nie Mingjue’s eyes have already fallen down to it, so it’s useless.
“What’s that?” Nie Mingjue wants to know as he sits down at the table and Lan Xichen is filled with warmth at how familiar and at home Nie Mingjue acts in his room.
Sure, it’s a room in Qinghe, so it’s technically Nie Mingjue’s room, but this has been Lan Xichen’s room since the first time he ever came to Qinghe, and it shows in the decorations.
Lan Xichen has left more than one personal item here over the years.
Lan Xichen must have spaced out for longer than he thought, because Nie Mingjue frowns at him.
“Xichen?” he carefully asks and Lan Xichen shakes himself out of it.
Nerves are making him jittery, but he supposes he bought this for Nie Mingjue after all. Nie Mingjue should receive it as well.
“I got you a present,” Lan Xichen says and moves from his bed to sit down opposite of Nie Mingjue as he puts the parcel on the table and pushes it over to him.
“You shouldn’t have,” Nie Mingjue tells him with a small smile and Lan Xichen shrugs.
It’s all fun and games for now, but Lan Xichen is still nervous about this. It could be that he overstepped, though such a thing is hardly possible in a friendship that lasted as long as theirs already.
It’s still possible, though.
Nie Mingjue pulls the parcel close, and then opens the box to see what’s inside.
Lan Xichen opts to look at the gift as well, because at least that’s safer than looking at Nie Mingjue.
It’s a blade in customary Nie style, one Lan Xichen saw on the market by chance, but couldn’t walk past.
He knows Nie Mingjue’s boot blade is close to snapping, has seen how thin and brittle it became from all the sharpening, and he knows Nie Mingjue has to look for a new one sooner or later.
This blade is almost identical to the one Nie Mingjue is using now, down to the ornaments and engravings on the blade, except for one small difference.
This blade has a name.
One Lan Xichen gave it, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t have to know about that.
“It’s gorgeous,” Nie Mingjue says as he carefully pulls the blade out of the box and he turns it around in his hands to admire it from all sides.
Lan Xichen can tell the exact moment his eyes fall on the name of the blade, small and close to the hilt.
“Lan shou,” Nie Mingjue mutters—Blue Beast—and when he looks back at Lan Xichen he shrugs helplessly.
Lan Xichen is not going to explain that he named the blade like that; that he deliberately chose a name with his last name in it, just so Nie Mingjue will always carry something of his around.
He will not ever give voice to that.
“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue says and Lan Xichen immediately stiffens at his tone.
He knew he shouldn’t have given him this, he just knew it.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice,” Nie Mingjue says as he carefully puts the blade back into the box.
Lan Xichen freezes at that, because he thought he was better at hiding it.
Had hoped to be better at hiding it, really, because he never wanted to let Nie Mingjue know that he loves him.
Having his friendship is enough, and Lan Xichen is more than content with that.
It’s better than nothing, after all.
“I’m not—,” he starts, and he can feel a flush creep up his cheeks when Nie Mingjue levels him with a look.
Nie Mingjue has always hated liars.
Lan Xichen searches for words, for anything that will not completely lay his heart bare to Nie Mingjue but he can’t find any.
“I didn’t mean to,” is what he settles on eventually. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
Lan Xichen is avoiding eye contact with Nie Mingjue, but he’s still looking at him, so he can see how Nie Mingjue goes soft at that.
Of course he would only relax after making sure that Lan Xichen won’t threaten their friendship with this.
It hurts, but it’s also what Lan Xichen expected. He knew Nie Mingjue wouldn’t return his feelings.
“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue breathes out with a sigh and Lan Xichen really wishes Nie Mingjue wouldn’t say his name like that.
It makes his heart stutter dangerously in his chest.
“You can’t just give me a courtship gift like this and then say it doesn’t mean anything,” Nie Mingjue says and Lan Xichen flinches at his words.
He hadn’t dared to think of this as a courtship gift; it would be too much, he knew that, and so he had pretended it was just a normal gift, from one friend to another.
“It’s not a courtship gift,” Lan Xichen presses out and looks down at the blade again. “It’s just a blade, Mingjue.”
“A blade with your name on it,” Nie Mingjue gives back, and his voice is still so soft. “A replacement for something I didn’t even tell you needed replacing yet. It’s thoughtful and perfect and clearly staking a claim,” Nie Mingjue goes on and Lan Xichen wonders how he could have ever been this stupid and think he’d get away with this.
And now he’s going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him.
“I’m sorry,” Lan Xichen whispers, forces the words out even though they threaten to drown him. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Nie Mingjue wonders and carefully closes the box.
Lan Xichen wants to weep.
“For doing this, for—for—I didn’t mean to ruin this. I can take it back, if we can just pretend that this never happened.”
Lan Xichen reaches out for the box, but Nie Mingjue is quicker and pulls the box towards himself.
“No, Xichen, what? Why would you ever take this back?” he wants to know and Lan Xichen presses his lips together.
“You can keep it, of course,” he eventually mutters. “As long as you promise that it will change nothing between us.”
“You know I accept this, right? I accept your courtship,” Nie Mingjue carefully says and Lan Xichen’s eyes snap towards him.
“What?” he breathes out and gets his breath taken away when Nie Mingjue smiles at him, displaying his dimples and generally looking more happy than Lan Xichen has seen him in months.
“Xichen, I love you. Of course I accept your courtship.”
“You—what?” Lan Xichen mutters, because he’s not sure he heard Nie Mingjue right.
“Oh, my light,” Nie Mingjue whispers and gets up to walk around the table.
He goes on his knees right next to Lan Xichen and then pulls him close, pulls him into a hug and presses his lips to Lan Xichen’s temple.
“I love you,” Nie Mingjue tells him, again, and this time Lan Xichen hears it loud and clearly.
This time, he believes.
Lan Xichen brings his arms up to hug Nie Mingjue in return, though it feels more like he’s desperately clinging to him, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem to mind at all.
“I love you, I love you,” Lan Xichen says over and over again and each time Nie Mingjue gives the sentiment back.
Lan Xichen has never felt this happy in his entire life.
“Xichen, tell me it’s a courtship,” Nie Mingjue says eventually and Lan Xichen immediately nods.
“Of course it’s a courtship, of course it is!”
“Good,” Nie Mingjue breathes out and then he chuckles. “I accept, of course. In case that wasn’t clear,” he teasingly says and Lan Xichen pulls away to look at him.
“You better,” he says and then he boldly leans forward and brushes their lips together.
It’s sweet and chaste and already so overwhelming, because it’s more than Lan Xichen ever thought he would get, but it’s also so, so good.
“Sh, my light,” Nie Mingjue mumbles when they part, and he reaches out to brush his thumb under Lan Xichen’s eye.
It comes away wet and Lan Xichen realizes with a start that he’s crying.
“It’s good, it’s all good,” Lan Xichen promises and Nie Mingjue nuzzles his face.
“I’ve got you,” Nie Mingjue promises him, and Lan Xichen laughs again.
Yes, Nie Mingjue has him. And if Lan Xichen has anything to say about it, he’ll never again let him go.