Chapter Text
In the moment Marinette walked away from Adrien and Kagami to join Luka, she realised some things about herself. Marinette knew this time was coming, that she had to let Adrien go. She didn't understand how, but when she put her name on Adrien's gift, it led to Chat Blanc somehow. She can't let Adrien know that she has a crush on him, so why keep pining over him. When the time came to cut ties for good, she didn't hesitate… well, she didn't hesitate much.
Although Luka was sweet, insightful, and caring, Marinette decided she needed to go home and be sad. As she walked home from the Seine, she said, "Tikki?"
"You okay?" The red bug kwami inquired from Marinette's open purse.
"I don't know, but when we get home, can you watch for dark butterflies?"
"Oh, Marinette, everything will work out in the end."
"Thanks, Tikki, but I really don't feel like seeing the bright side right now."
Tikki nodded. As long as Tikki has lived, as many Ladybugs as there had been, Marinette was the youngest and brightest Ladybug. But there were some consequences to this miraculous holder that Tikki hadn't anticipated. And now she was a Guardian. Marinette's caring nature with her ability to compartmentalize was breaking down in the face of overwhelming responsibility, inexperience, and hormones. In this world of the terrorist Hawkmoth, Marinette couldn't even emote without severe consequences. Well, Tikki was going to do her best to allow Marinette some semblance of normalcy.
When Marinette opened her front door, she remembered her parents were finishing up at a catering event. She went through the motions of letting herself into her house, taking off shoes, locking the door, going to her room. Inside she felt the numbness wearing off, and tears began to leak. Through her tears she saw her room, full of pictures of her friends, of Adrien, and she began to cry at the unfairness of it all. To protect Chat Noir, she needed to let Adrien go in her heart, and she didn't want to resent Chat; she needed him. But, if she were honest, before encountering Chat Blanc, she maybe would've stayed in that crazy limbo of needing Chat Noir as her partner and being too flustered to talk to Adrien. But now, knowing what she knows, if she chooses Adrien, then she loses Chat Noir. For Paris' sake, for the galaxy's sake, she has to let go of Adrien and actively choose Chat. “It's better this way,” she thought to herself.
"But it hurts so much." She whispered as she sat on the floor near her chaise. She curled up in a ball and gave into her anger and sadness and fear. As she cried, her inner ladybug replied, "it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong by loving Adrien." As mistake after mistake flitted through her head, as she relived every embarrassing moment, her inner ladybug comforted, "you did nothing wrong by loving him." And soon the tears slowed. She looked around her room, seeing Adrien's face hurt a little less. She took a deep breath and found Tikki's caring face. "Thank you, my friend."
"Oh Marinette, you are very welcome, but I didn't do anything."
"You watched over me. You gave me a sanctuary."
Tikki nodded.
"Tikki, I think it's time to take down the rest of the pictures of Adrien."
"Are you sure? He's still your friend. Are you cutting him completely out, even at school?"
"No, he's still my friend, and I care what he thinks, but the more I see his picture, the more I picture us together. I can't do that anymore, especially here, in my room. I want to be comforted and safe here. I want to be myself here."
She pulled out her diary. "It's time to care for me a bit." She started writing some affirmations. "Tikki, what words would you use to describe who I am in my heart?"
"What words would you use, Marinette?"
"I am creative.
I protect the people I care about.
I am a good problem solver.
I am a good leader.
I love making things.
I love fashion.
I am kind." Marinette writes down each sentence and cuts it out of her diary, taping each sentence to a different place in her room.
"You are helpful and observant. You are responsible and you listen."
"Well, I try to listen"
"How about 'you admit when you're wrong'?"
As Marinette continued to write all of these characteristics and more, Tikki asked, "How many of these are you when you are Ladybug?"
Marinette stopped, wondering why Tikki asked something like that. She thought about it. "I'm all of them. I can't show that I'm all of them, but I still feel like Ladybug is all of these characteristics."
"How many of these are you outside of the suit?"
Marinette thought about it. At first, she wanted to say like 50% because she wasn't particularly bold or confident or a leader or protective, but she was quite bold - most of the connections Lila was known for, Marinette actually had. She was also confident in her baking and sewing and designing and gaming. In fact, she couldn't think of one affirmation that only Ladybug had. Quietly she said, "All of them…"
Tikki cuddled her charge's cheek and said what she's said many times before. "You are Ladybug, in the mask and out of it."
Marinette sighed, "I think it's time for bed." She put on her Jagged Stone pajama shirt and turned off all the lights and tucked herself into bed and quickly fell asleep.
Around dinner time, her parents came home. Her mom came up to Marinette's room, briefly checked her temperature, noticed even fewer pictures of the golden-haired boy, and smiled at the taped cheerful statements Marinette had all around her room. Earlier, on the way home, Sabine and Tom had spotted the blond boy and Kagami talking and sitting very close together down by the river. When Sabine called to the boy, asking about Marinette, all they could tell Sabine was that they thought Marinette went home.
Sabine liked Kagami but thought she had too much Metal in her. Adrien has a strong Fire element that would balance Marinette's Water. But they were still young. Who knew what the future holds? Maybe that boy with the Earth element, Luka, would provide a bit of stability to her daughter's fear.
As Sabine came downstairs from Marinette's room, Tom asked, "Is she up there? Is she okay?"
Sabine nodded, "She's asleep. I think Adrien's with Kagami now."
"Hmmm. Teenagers… If Adrien hurt Marinette, there will be trouble."
"Oh, honey."
By the time Marinette woke up on Saturday, Tom and Sabine were halfway through the morning rush. Marinette slowly woke up and decided to take a bath with some new bathbombs that she had been meaning to try. After some good soaking, she dried off and put on a deep plum denim culotte jumpsuit. The top looked like a crisp button-down workshirt. Since the culotte reached mid-calf, she paired it with her favourite grey sneakers. She put most of her hair in a bun and braided the sides and bangs and added it to the bun. "Tikki, if we have an akuma, we'll have to change my hair."
"Oooo. Are we going to try different colours?! Like green or white? What about white on top and a slow change to green?"
Marinette laughed, "Not yet. We will keep the blue pigtails for now...Though I'd love to try my blue with like a peekaboo silver some time."
As Marinette grabbed her sketch pad and pens, Tikki asked, "Where are we going?"
"Jardin du Luxembourg. I haven't been there in a while." She went downstairs and picked up cheese and her water bottle from the kitchen, and went into the bakery to greet her parents and grab some cookies and some croissants.
"Morning Papa! Morning Maman!" She sang to them.
"Someone's in a good mood." Tom called from the ovens.
"Oh hái zi, did you make this beautiful outfit?!"
Marinette grinned. "I did."
"Do a twirl." Marinette rolled her eyes but complied. "This is gorgeous. Would you make me one in grey or black?"
"Of course, Maman!"
"Where are you off to today?"
Marinette told her as she grabbed treats for the day. She kissed Sabine and Tom and left the bakery and caught the bus.