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2:37 AM
Hina sighed and rolled over again, pulling her pillow tighter to her chest.
It had been impossible for her to sleep since Sayaka's murder and Leon's horrible execution; her dreams were plagued by haunting images of Sayaka's corpse, cold and covered in blood. Every time she closed her eyes it was like she was back in the trial room watching Leon's body - that had been dragged kicking and screaming through the double doors - become nothing more than a bloody pulp and shattered bones against a pole.
Once, the two dead students came into her bedroom, demanding to know why they had to die. They plunged knives into every inch of her skin and beat her until she was unrecognizable, and she woke up screaming in a cold sweat.
Having Sakura there helped, but the larger girl couldn't stay awake forever, and her sleep schedule was much more worked out than Hina's own, meaning Hina had a lot of awake time to herself.
Gently, so as not to wake her, Hina slid out of Sakura's arms and off the bed, pulling on a pair of socks and a hoodie. When she was certain the other girl was still sleeping soundly, she tucked her student handbook and her key into her pocket and slipped out into the hall, shutting the door behind her.
It was eerily quiet out there.
The fluorescent lights in the foyer were still on, as was the darker red lighting in the dormitory hall - part of Hina wondered if they ever turned off at all. And with that in mind, what sort of electric bill was Monokuma running up with this place? There's no way he just has unlimited access to funds.
For a minute, she just stood there outside her own door - well, Sakura's door, technically - staring listlessly at the walls and wondering where she should go. A swim would be nice, but a nagging feeling in the back of her head told her that would be too easy of a way to kill her. God, she was thinking like some survivalist.
Part of her thought it might be a good idea to just go back into the dorm and try to get some rest again, but the more logical part of her didn't want to risk waking up Sakura so soon after leaving successfully.
With that considered, she tried to think of what else was easily accessible without drawing too much attention to herself. Bath - once again risky, just like the pool - classrooms - another space to wander aimlessly through, not much of a distraction, work out... all the weights could be used as weapons. That's a no-go.
Her stomach decided for her, offering up a little grumble.
All of a sudden, food was all she could think about. Perfect, she thought, a smile quirking up the edges of her mouth as she headed for the dining hall, I'll grab a donut from that box I saw in the kitchen!
The hallway felt unbelievably long, and she was back to being paranoid by the time she reached the double doors that lead into the dining hall.
She pressed her back to the wall, eyes darting all around the foyer as if every shadow was one of her classmates, waiting to pounce. When a minute had passed and she'd seen nothing, she finally allowed herself to relax, pulling open the door and slipping into the dining hall.
The paranoid feeling returned as quickly as it had diminished when she saw something on one of the round tables closer to the back of the room. She couldn't exactly tell what it was, but she knew it wasn't there when she and Sakura had left the room earlier.
Once again on guard, Hina cautiously moved toward the table, making sure to continuously look all around her, just in case someone was trying to sneak up on her- like Sayaka snuck up on Leon with a knife. A chill ran up her spine as the thought popped into her head. She sped up just a little bit.
As she approached, Hina realized that the setup she'd seen from across the room was a plain bowl of white rice and a sad looking piece of toast with peanut butter that had no more than two bites taken out of it. Next to that was an untied bag of bread, as well as an untouched spoon.
The thought occurred to her suddenly that, if she dies, this evidence could be in the Monokuma File her classmates receive at the beginning of her killer's trial.
That unsettled her more than she cared to admit.
Moving past the table toward the kitchen door, Hina's pulse again began racing as she saw the open jar of peanut butter that must've been used for the toast, lying knocked on it's side on the floor, a butter knife several feet away. It was like whoever had been sitting here had gotten up in a hurry and didn't realize they knocked it over.
She'd be lying if she said it didn't put her a little bit at ease, thinking she might be stumbling on a body instead of a killer. But that thought was quickly replaced with the image of her coming across a freshly killed body with the killer still in the room. Oh God, what would they do if she caught them? They'd have to kill her, right? It's the only way they'd be able to cover it up.
Her hand found the doorknob of the kitchen door, and Hina tried to steel herself for whatever she would encounter upon opening the door. What if it's Taka strangling Chihiro? Or Naegi with his head bashed in!? Or... God, a horrible, impossible thought popped into her head, what if somehow I was dreaming that Sakura was with me, but she's actually dead in the kitchen!?
Realistically, she knew the most likely scenario was that she'd open the door and find one of her classmates getting an ingredient they'd missed, but no matter how much she knew that, it didn't seem like a possibility in her mind.
With a swift twist and push, Hina slowly allowed the door to creak open. If someone was committing a murder in there, it'd give them enough time to hide so there was a chance they'd let her live, thinking she didn't see them. At least, that was her line of thinking.
Pushing the rest of the way into the kitchen, Hina couldn't stop herself from jumping back with a yelp when she saw Togami standing on the far side of the counter island.
"Uh- Byakuya, hey," she greeted, putting on her most innocent and friendly smile, "Sorry, you scared me. I didn't think anybody else would be up this late."
"You're in here to retrieve a midnight snack, I presume?" his voice was as stuck up and arrogant as always, and it made Hina bristle. She wasn't close with Togami, and at this point, she wasn't entirely sure he liked her.
She kept her mouth closed about it, of course, opting instead to begin edging over to the cabinet where the donuts were kept, eyes trained on him the whole time.
"Yep! Don't mind me! Just gonna slide on over to the donuts," her hand fumbled around with the cabinet door, and she searched blindly in the most casual way possible for the donut box. With a tight lipped smile, Hina gestured over her shoulder. "That your food out there?"
"Obviously it's my food. Do you see anyone else in here?" that same condescending tone! Hina pulled out two donuts stacked one on top of the other, quickly closing the the cabinet and smiling as she headed back toward the door.
"Uh, sorry if I interrupted you meal prepping or anything!" Or murdering, but I'm not just gonna say that. "I'm gonna sit and eat for a minute, uh... if you wanna hang out." That was more of a formality. Hina did not want to sit and have small talk with Togami of all people. She really would rather be murdered. Aw man, that's horrible to think.
"No, I would not like to hang out," he stated firmly, "And I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd stop wasting my time with your inane blathering and just get out of here."
Not that she wasn't used to it by now, but his words still stung a little. "O- Okay, sorry for asking," her hand found the doorknob as she tried to hide an eye roll. "Well, I'll just be sitting out there if that's okay."
He just glared in response. Oh, this is looking bad, Hina, he does not like you, Hina thought to herself as she shut the door behind her. She cringed all the way to the table next to the one Togami had been sitting at, putting her donuts down and plunking into one of the chairs.
Her eyes made their way to the childishly plain rice-and-toast combo and she snorted, amused at how unbelievably bad it looked. Part of her wondered if the rich kid had ever made himself food before, or if his family had their own private chef. At first, it made her laugh, but then she froze.
What was Togami doing just standing in the kitchen just now? Why would he take two bites of his food only to get up in such a hurry that he knocked stuff on the ground and didn't even stop to pick it up? That's something he'd probably get on Hina's case about if she did it, talking about proper etiquette and whatever else he learned in bourgeoisie school.
Mind racing, Hina tried to think like Naegi or Kirigiri, who were so organized during the trial, who were able to analyze the situation and put together coherent thoughts that helped them.
But every scenario she tried to think of ended with Togami being the next murderer, and her being his second victim.
Without stopping to think any longer, adrenaline pumping, Hina balled her hands into fists and snatched the butter knife off the ground, storming back toward the kitchen. It was feeble protection, but it was something.
"Togami!" she snapped, flinging the door open so hard it banged into the wall.
As quickly as the adrenaline had kicked in, it was replaced with a sinking in her gut, and she stopped dead in her tracks.
When she'd entered, Togami had been bent over the sink, gagging on his index finger. As soon as he saw her, he bolted upright, clapping a hand over his mouth as he presumably swallowed back whatever bile had been coming up his throat. Hina didn't know what to do. He looked like a really pissed off deer in the headlights.
It hit a little too close to home.
Absently, Hina heard the clattering of the butterknife falling from her hand, but she didn't move to pick it back up. "Oh, God, Byakuya."
Seeming to regain his bearings, Togami wrenched his sleeve across his mouth as his face flushed. "What part of leave didn't you understand!? Get out of here, now!" his voice cracked, and Hina felt her stomach lurch, sympathy clouding out any fear or anger she'd felt before. "Are you deaf!? Leave!"
"You're..." she had no idea what to say. Nothing could've prepared her for this ending to the kitchen encounter scenarios in her head; standing across from an incredibly angry, slightly disheveled Byakuya Togami who looked to be on the verge of tears. "I- I'm-" her own vision got cloudy, "I'm sorry."
"Shut up," he snapped, hands curling into fists, "You don't have permission to make assumptions about me, and it's none of your business regardless. Now get out."
How do you just casually say that you've also struggled with an eating disorder without sounding weird? "No, uh-" Hina waved her hand as if that would help illustrate, feeling several tears escape down her cheeks. "I get it. Like... that. I've been there, and it sucks."
A look of shock flashed over Togami's face, but only for an instant. "I don't care. Leave me alone."
"No," Hina was surprised by how firm her own voice was. Togami clenched his jaw, eyes darkening. She didn't back down.
"Look, uh..." she swallowed, "I don't know what's going on with you, like in your home life, but- like- I don't really care. I mean obviously in the nicest way possible I don't care, not that I don't..." It felt like she was digging her own grave trying to get to this point. "I just mean- like- if you're worried about me like- pitying you or whatever, that's not what's going on." She softened her voice, "I've just... I've been in your situation and no matter how much of a smug prick you are, I don't want you to do this to yourself."
"How noble of you," Togami sneered. Hina fought back an exasperated sigh.
"Look, it'll kill me if I leave you alone in here with your fingers down your throat, okay? Just come and finish eating with me."
Togami shot her a look of disdain. "No," he snapped, before clenching his jaw and casting his gaze down, "I've... lost my appetite." His voice was wavering off it's hostile edge. Hina's chest tightened.
"I get it. At least come sit with me. That way I won't be out there worrying about you."
She didn't wait for an answer. Opening the fridge, Hina grabbed two bottles of water and one of a blue sports drink, impatiently staring at Togami until he huffed and followed her back into the dining hall.
She grabbed her donuts and sat across from him at the table, cracking open the sports drink as she watched him pick up the fallen jar of peanut butter. Now as she looked at it, she realized the meal wasn't exactly childish; it was just carbs and protein. The bare minimum to keep your body running.
"Here. Catch," she slid the bottle at him, making him scramble to grab it before it went over the edge of the table. Hina suppressed a laugh. Togami just glared. "Go, drink. Gotta get some electrolytes in ya' if you're gonna..." she trailed off, unsure whether it would be insensitive to make a puking joke.
"I'm well aware of the benefits of electrolytes," Togami said, and Hina didn't try to hide the way she rolled her eyes this time. Slowly, still glaring at her, he raised the bottle to his lips and took a tiny sip. Then he grimaced, putting it back down as quickly as he'd picked it up. "Could I just have the water?"
"Yeah, totally," she smiled and passed him one of the water bottles, starting to pull apart her donut. Two voices battled for dominance in her head; one was saying it was rude to eat right now, but it was okay because she was hungry, and the second was telling her that maybe, just maybe, she didn't actually need this donut, and she should wait until breakfast to eat.
Wait until it was time for a meal. What would she eat for breakfast? Maybe not a donut, maybe something like fruit.
Her mind unconsciously wandered to how thin she was when she was budgeting calories, working out all the time, gagging on a toothbrush over the locker room toilet after every team pizza party. Togami probably doesn't even believe me, the voice in her head said, he's probably looking at me thinking I'm way too heavy, there's no way I had an eating disorder. The donut became less appealing.
It took everything in her power to shut that stupid voice up.
Fuck that. I'm hungry.
Hina tossed the ripped off piece of donut into her mouth, and she almost groaned. Yeah, this is it. The satisfaction in her stomach as she ate put her thoughts at ease. Her blind grapple for two donuts of any kind had paid off, because one was creme filled and one was glazed; two of her favorite kinds. The creme filled one was gone too soon, and she contemplated whether or not she should eat the second one.
On one hand, she was satisfied, but on the other, she was still craving sugar.
Before she could decide, she glanced up for a split second and froze when she realized Togami was crying.
It wasn't like he was outright sobbing, and he didn't actually look sad or hurt. If anything, he looked angry. His eyes were locked on his unfinished toast and rice like it had just insulted his mother, silent tears dripping down his face. Hina chewed at the inside of her cheek, staring until he noticed her. When he did, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with a sharp intake of breath.
"You can't..." for the first time ever, Hina saw raw pleading in Togami's eyes. She knew what he meant; you can't tell anyone. Slowly, Hina nodded. Togami let out a sigh.
Hina didn't really know what to say. At the peak of her disordered eating, she'd been ready to kill her teammate that finally confronted her about it and convinced her to get help. If she tried to... what, give him a pep talk? It's not like I can recommend him to a therapist while we're in here. Whatever she tried to say, if she said it even slightly wrong there was a very real chance Togami would kill her.
But at the same time, looking back, no matter how angry she was with her teammate at the time, she knows it's what she needed. She knows it's what saved her life.
Slowly, Hina shifted in her chair. "Uh... I don't wanna get all preachy, but-"
"Then don't."
"I wasn't finished. God, will you stop cutting me off all the time?" she snapped, rolling her eyes. Togami looked surprised at her boldness, but he stayed silent. "So like I was saying. I don't wanna get all preachy on you, and I swear I'm not trying to be like- condescending or wise or anything, but... like... you deserve to eat, okay? You deserve it, you seriously do."
Togami opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then shut it and looked away from her. Almost indignantly, he picked up his spoon and scooped up a bite of rice. He took a deep breath, and for a second, Hina thought he would at least put it in his mouth. But instead, he just stuck it back in the bowl and shook his head, a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes.
"I can't. I don't... I don't know why, exactly, but I can't," he sat up straighter, raking his hands through his hair as he struggled for some sort of composure. "It's- I can't find a way to make this appealing to myself." He paused. "It's disgusting."
Hina nodded, understanding. "No, dude, I get it. It's like... you really want to, but you also don't want to, like- like there's something physically stopping you from eating, right? Even though you're hungry." As soon as she said that, concern creased her brow. "Hang on. Have you eaten at all today?"
"I had coffee this morning. And at lunch," Togami supplied, trying to wipe his nose on his sleeve with some sort of dignity. Hina sighed.
"That's not food and you know it," she tried to be as gentle as she could, "C'mon. Just finish the toast, at least. Or- here," she broke off a piece of her second donut, offering it up to him. "This look more reasonable?"
Togami hesitated, then took the piece from her, slowly putting it in his mouth and chewing. Once he'd swallowed, Hina gave him an encouraging smile.
"That shit hits different, right?" she asked. He didn't answer. Hina held out the rest. "You can have the rest of it, if you want. I already had a whole one and I'm getting kind of full," she lied, unwilling to give him an excuse to get out of it.
Once again, it took Togami a few seconds before he reached out and accepted the donut, eating it carefully and, shockingly, quietly. It had been minutes since his last snarky or otherwise condescending remark toward her. Hina wasn't sure if that comforted or scared her.
His posture was rigid when he'd finished; matched with the way he puffed out his cheeks and the tears that were springing back into his eyes, Hina knew exactly what he was doing and it made her want to start crying again. Whether that was out of frustration or familiarity with the situation, she didn't know.
"You can do it. It's just one last bite, and it's already in your mouth. Come on," she demanded, gripping the edge of the table. "Swallow it. Please."
With his eyes clenched tight, Togami swallowed the rest of the donut. Hina almost laughed in relief, smiling at him and sitting up on her knees as she threw her hand out for a high five.
"Hell yeah!" when it wasn't reciprocated, she awkwardly brought it back down. "Great job."
"Don't condescend me," Togami breathed, voice tight. Hina almost rolled her eyes, but stopped herself.
"Okay. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she put her hands up in surrender, giving him her friendliest smile. "Are you still hungry? I can get you something else if you want."
Togami just shook his head, swiftly standing and gathering up his snack materials to put away. Of course, Hina ran after him, watching diligently as he re-tied the bread, put the lid back on the peanut butter, and put both back in the pantry, throwing away the remainders of the rice and toast he'd made earlier.
When he looked up and saw Hina staring at him from the doorway, he let out an exasperated sigh and folded his arms over his chest. "Must you really follow me around like a stray puppy, Asahina?"
"That depends," Hina challenged, crossing her own arms, "If I leave right now, are you gonna try and-" she mimed triggering her gag reflex with a poor impression of vomiting. Togami visibly sneered.
"Will you even believe me if I say I won't?"
Hina pursed her lips. "Good question. Probably not."
"Well then, I don't believe I'll grace you with an answer," Togami flashed a fake, rude smile, breezing past her and back out into the dining hall. Hina was so ready to smack him. But she didn't; she just clenched her fists and followed after him, almost running into his back when he suddenly stopped in the foyer. "Will you leave me alone already!?"
"Uh-" Hina backed up a few paces, suddenly intimidated by Togami's height now that she was close to him. "I just- I just want to make sure you're okay. I guess."
He narrowed his eyes. "Why? What's in it for you?"
Hina's face scrunched up, confused. "What?"
"You're clearly trying to manipulate me in some way."
Something in Hina's brain snapped.
"Oh- Go fuck yourself!" Hina shouted, quickly freezing and lowering her voice when it echoed down the hall. Togami, once again, looked surprised. "Is it seriously that hard for you to believe that maybe I just care? Cause I mean- this is something that I've struggled with and I know how hard it is so I just want to help you before you die or something! Like- dude! That's insulting to me! Because I'm not a sociopath and I actually want people to know I care about them!"
Togami was silent for a few seconds, eyes searching Hina's now angry face. Slowly, he blinked. "I... apologize. For questioning your integrity."
"It's fine," Hina waved him off, even though it really wasn't fine, and she was definitely going to cry when she got back to Sakura's room. Taking a deep breath, she tried to put on her perky persona once again, though it was a bit hindered by her previous outburst. "Okay. So... can you try and come to breakfast tomorrow? I can help you make something low-cal, I just wanna know you're at least getting food in you."
Togami didn't answer at first, gaze wandering the floor. "I don't usually eat breakfast," he finally said under his breath.
"I know," Hina shrugged, "But it's a little step forward, right?"
"And I don't particularly enjoy eating in front of others."
Hina nodded quickly, waving her hands like they would speak for her. "That's okay! I can make us breakfast and we can eat in your dorm! Or like, in the locker room!" she paused, thinking, "Wait, you can't get into the girls locker room."
"The library was unlocked after Kuwata's trial. It should suffice," Togami suggested shortly. Hina was taken aback for a split second, then she grinned.
"Yeah, let's do the library!" Once again, she held out her hand for a high five, which was begrudgingly returned by Togami. "Okay, I'll make breakfast if you wanna make coffee! 'Cause you said earlier that you like coffee," she thought for a second, "I like mine with like a spoon of sugar in it, like- be generous. And then I can meet you in the library at 7:30, how 'bout that!"
Sighing, Togami nodded. "It sounds fine. I'm going to bed now, Asahina."
"Sure! Yeah, cool," she walked next to him as he headed back to his dorm, barely getting to wave goodnight before he'd slammed his door like a child. Hina didn't let that dampen her pleasure at knowing she'd at least managed to set up a breakfast hang-out between them. No way he would do that if he actually hated me.
As she crawled back into bed, nestling herself into Sakura's arms, Hina smiled, looking over at the clock.
3:04 AM