Chapter Text
It would take about a week to get back home, just as it had taken them all about a week to get to Vormir. They had briefly floated around the idea that maybe Stephen could create a portal for both ships to go back to Earth, or that Thor could open up a Bifrost path and take them home too, but the ideas were scrapped quickly. They had just gotten Tony, Natasha, and Gamora back. They weren’t going to risk them by taking a shortcut home trip.
The first two days of travel had found them all still revelling in their victory - revelling in having their loved ones back.
Gamora was practically inseparable from both Nebula and Quill, always being with one or the other no matter what. Quill was always reaching over to her, holding her hand for a quick squeeze and sneaking a kiss - just anything to remind himself that she was really, physically there. Rocket and Groot had taken over piloting the Milano so that Quill would have more time to just be with Gamora, and while Quill would have usually just shrugged Rocket’s help off, he more than readily agreed and had even pulled him in for a quick hug when he’d offered, one that Rocket had awkwardly returned before smacking him to let him down. And while Drax and Mantis were more than ecstatic to have Gamora back, they knew that the two people that had mourned her the most had been Quill and Nebula, and so they kept their presence to the periphery, joining in when the group was all together but allowing Gamora and Quill and Gamora and her sister privacy whenever they had moments together.
Which brought Mantis and Drax into Thor, Loki, and Bruce’s company more often than not. The princes of Asgard were glad - rather secretly, in Loki’s case - to have been able to help bring their friends back, but it was clear that Bruce was the most affected by their return. When Natasha had said she would be returning to Earth on the Milano , Bruce hadn’t hesitated to welcome her aboard and show her around their rudimentary sleeping quarters. Hope and Scott, when approached by Clint and Sam, had readily switched places with the pair, letting them head home in the Milano while they boarded the Talon Fighter . It made for a rather similar sight as Gamora, but with Clint and Bruce sticking by Natasha with Sam not too far away.
On the Talon Fighter , Tony was almost always with Peter, with Rhodey, Steve, and Stephen being the three that joined them the most frequently - although it was hardly ever Steve and Stephen together. The two were much more cordial with each other although still guarded. It was something Tony was quick to point out and tease them about whenever he got the chance.
Fury, loathe of showing any kind of emotion, was as warm as he’d ever been, keeping the communication channel between both ships open with T’Challa and Shuri’s help in order to keep in touch with the Milano and their crew at all times. Okoye, Maria and Wanda were usually with them, although Wanda had found herself around Peter and Shuri more and more often, finding them a little closer to her age and thus getting along with them and all of their shenanigans rather well. It suited her, seeing her smiling again, looking more her age than she ever had since any of the Avengers could remember.
While Bucky seemed more than content to keep to himself - and Steve - Steve and Shuri and even Wanda were all inviting and welcoming him to join the others more, and while he was the most hesitant to be around Tony, when Tony had given him a small but warm smile, that was all Bucky needed to be more at ease with everyone.
Things were good on the ships, with everyone in high spirits and laughter ringing like wind chimes and appreciative hugs and smiles all around as everyone finally settled into the relief of everything being over, settling into the relief of having their friends back.
Although they weren’t under any specific day or night cycles that would influence their sleep patterns, there were certain times when more people headed off to rest, leaving only a handful of people still awake on the ships. Natasha was usually one of those people.
“Tonight” found her staring out at the vast expanse of space, enjoying a warm mug of tea that Mantis had prepared for her before she had headed off to sleep. Even though she remembered the long, tense trip that Clint and her had taken to Vormir to get the Soul Stone, she hadn’t really appreciated the stars and galaxies she could see lighting up the darkness. Dying probably had that kind of effect on a person, she mused. The desire to appreciate everything you had overlooked, everything you had taken for granted while you were alive.
“Couldn’t sleep?” a quiet voice called out, breaking the silence over the hum of Quill’s constant stream of music over the speakers - softer when people were asleep.
Natasha turned, watching as Bruce made his way over to her. She shrugged. “I’ve been sleeping, but I don’t know.” She looked out the large window set into the side of the ship again. “I don’t think I’ve ever really enjoyed the stars until now.”
Bruce nodded, coming closer and hesitantly gesturing to the crate that she’d taken up as her seat. “Do you mind some company?”
She smiled, scooting over. “Not at all, Doctor Banner.”
He returned the smile, taking a seat beside her. They just sat with each other quietly, enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence. Natasha sipped on her tea.
A handful of minutes or maybe a whole hour had passed before Bruce cleared his throat. When he felt Natasha’s eyes on him, he said, “I really missed you, Nat.”
“I missed you, too,” she answered, smile softening. They held each other’s gaze for a beat, feeling the unspoken weight that settled between the two. For once, Natasha didn’t feel like she had the right words to get out of the situation unscathed, suddenly feeling like she was walking on glass that was threatening to shatter. “I, ah -”
“Don’t,” Bruce interrupted, shaking his head. “I - I’m sorry I left.”
“But you didn’t,” Natasha started, slowly trailing off.
He gave her a sad look. “We both know what I’m talking about. I’m sorry I left - I’m sorry I left the team, that I left you , after Sokovia.”
And that was what had settled between them wasn’t it? His vanishing into nowhere after their fight with Ultron? She’d been so worried and scared and had felt so utterly abandoned when he just up and disappeared. All of that hurt had only been compounded when he’d come back, eventually confessing that all the time he’d spent away he’d been the Hulk, having stayed that way since Natasha had pushed him off the edge in Sokovia and brought out that side of him - because she needed him, the other guy, the other part of him, needed him like a -
She froze, her mug tipped up slightly at her lips, but she didn’t drink.
A weapon - she’d used him like a weapon, taking the choice out of his hands to change. She’d done what they had done to her in the Red Room countless times. She slowly lowered the mug of tea.
“I’m sorry,” she got out. He sighed, about to protest before she shook her head. “No, I mean it, Bruce. I just - I turned you into a weapon when we were both getting closer because that’s all we’d ever been, weapons .” She felt angry tears prick her eyes, completely uncharacteristic of her as she lost her cool. She blinked them away rapidly. “You were right in leaving.”
Bruce put a gentle hand over hers, stilling the tremors he felt there. He met her gaze. “I shouldn’t have left, Nat, that wasn’t right.”
“It was,” she insisted, her hand turning into a fist beneath his touch. “For all the red in my ledger that I’ve been trying to clear out -” Her eyes were hard, brokering no argument. “Bruce, I might not have killed you, but what I did killed us. We were dead in the water the moment I kept seeing you as someone to be weaponized, rather than just as someone I cared about.”
“Can’t it be both?” Bruce asked. Natasha watched him, saying nothing as he continued, “We both know that I’m - yeah, I’m -” He gestured to himself. “When I’m the other guy, I can fight. I’m a weapon. As Bruce, I have nothing to offer but my brain.” He sighed, giving her hand a squeeze when he felt her fist relax. “I’m not in the clear here either - I-I feel like I only let myself get close to you because I felt like you could, you know.” He looked down, towards the ground. “Handle me if I got out of hand.”
“Because I’m me,” Natasha said.
“Yeah,” he nodded, looking towards her. “Because you’re lethal, too.”
She felt her breath catch in her throat, an ache of pain and relief all wrapped into one as the weight that had been sitting between them finally dissipated now that they had put to words what they had skirted around for five years. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, clutching her mug of tea tightly to not spill it onto either of them. “We sure are a piece of work, aren’t we?”
He laughed at that, a sound startled out of him but genuine as ever. “We really, really are.” He patted her hand. “We’re, ah,” he started hesitantly. “We’re still friends, right?”
Natasha nodded against him. “Of course - c’mon, I just came back from the dead, we’re not going to lose each other now that we’ve gotten each other back.”
Bruce relaxed, leaning his head onto hers. “Oh, good, I was terrified that I’d ruined that, too.”
“You worry too much,” she said easily. She offered him her mug, and he took a small sip before handing it back. “Although, there is one loveable demigod that could use someone fretting over him.”
“What are you -” Bruce spluttered, sitting up and looking down at her.
She started laughing, covering her mouth to keep from getting too loud. “Oh, Bruce, you have to give me some credit. Aside from being a literal spy, I dated you. I know what it looks like when you get all -” she made a vague motion with her hand, fighting back more laughter when she saw how red he got.
He shook his head, averting his gaze. “He’s just my -”
“Your friend, yeah,” she smiled, giving him a wink. “Like all the other Avengers didn’t hear that too when we were first getting close.” Her smile softened. “Out of all of us he was definitely the first one to not be afraid of you.”
“Thor just,” he sighed, but there was a smile on his lips too. “Yeah. He - he always calls me by my name, calls me Bruce or Banner whenever I’m the other guy. He doesn’t treat me differently.”
“You’re adorable when you get all sweet like that,” Natasha grinned.
“Nat, no -” Bruce began to whine before he was interrupted by someone poking their head into the hallway.
“I thought I heard you two in here,” Sam said. He nodded at Bruce. “Thor’s lookin’ for you.”
“Oooh,” Nat cooed, and Bruce shot her a glare as he got up from the crate.
Ducking down, he snatched the mug of tea from her. “I’ll take that, thank you,” he loudly got out, but, in a whisper, he added, “Don’t forget that I know you too, super spy or not.” He raised a not so subtle brow at Sam. “You basically just got him back too - make your move.”
He began to move away, absolutely satisfied by the bright blush that was creeping up Natasha’s face - he’d actually managed to get one over her, over super spy Natasha Romanoff.
Nodding to Sam, he stepped into the adjacent hallway, heading towards where he could now hear Thor calling out his name.
“Banner looked pretty happy - you guys get back together or something?” Sam asked Natasha.
“No,” Bruce heard her answer. “He just...pointed something out.”
“Hopefully it's good,” Sam said.
“Yeah,” Nat mused, and Bruce felt his own smile go wider as their voices drifted away. “I think it's good.”
There was a knock on the door of the small side room that Tony, Peter, Stephen, and Rhodey had taken up as their quarters on the Talon Fighter . Tony glanced up from the mess of wires Peter and Shuri were fiddling around with, some sort of experiment that was giving both teens something to keep themselves busy. Steve sheepishly stood at the door, giving Tony a small wave.
“Is it okay if we talk?” he asked.
Tony nodded, starting to stand before Shuri and Peter gathered their things up instead. “We’ll head out, Mr. Stark,” Peter told him. “We were going to go find Wanda and show her what we’re working on.”
“Oh, alright,” Tony got out, giving Peter a smile. “Have fun.” He sat back down on his cot, watching as Shuri and Peter gave Steve a nod in greeting before taking their leave.
Steve returned the gesture, but hesitated at the threshold. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, man,” Tony told him, motioning to the cot right in front of him. “You can sit down. That one’s Peter’s, he won’t mind.”
Hearing that, he finally came inside, shutting the door gently behind him. He came to stand beside the cot across from Tony’s shifting from foot to foot before finally sitting down.
“Jeez, Stars and Stripes, you good over there? I feel like you’re about to break down or something,” Tony commented, trying for a joke.
Steve met his gaze, and there was a brief glimpse of vulnerability before Steve closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he opened them again, he seemed resolute, ready and resigned and all sorts of other words that were more Steve and less Captain America. “I’m here to apologize,” he told him.
“Oh,” Tony blinked, unsure what to say to that. He went still under Steve’s gaze, at a loss for how to charm his way out of the conversation that Tony knew would be painful.
“Yeah,” Steve nodded, sighing and looking away. “Look, Tony, I - I was a shit friend.”
Tony got up abruptly. “It’s fine,” he ground out.
Steve stood up too, easily towering over Tony but keeping his distance, not wanting to crowd the man. “No, Tony,” Steve interrupted, shaking his head. “It’s not fine, and we both know it - you know it more than me, since you’re the one I hurt.” Tony was resolutely staring at the ground, off to the left of the cot Steve had been sitting on. “You needed me, past tense,” Steve echoed, quoting what Tony had told him years ago. “You said we would lose, and I said we’d do that together, too. And I lied, Tony,” Steve got out. Tony was still looking away. “I lied - I didn’t want to lie, I wanted it to be the truth, but I didn’t back those words up with anything and they became a lie.” He took a shaky breath. “I - I abandoned you, Tony. And I’m sorry.”
His eyes glanced up to Steve’s but he looked away again just as quickly, his arms coming around to hold himself.
“You were my best friend, and I fucked that up - I fucked it up bad, Tony.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, feeling his throat begin to close up. “I could have handled it so much better but I didn’t and I hurt everyone, but I hurt you most of all, I just -” He stopped, heaving a breath to keep himself from crying. “I abandoned you, and all you were trying to do was keep us together. I’m - I’m sorry, Tony.” He swallowed thickly. “I turned the situation into a choice when it never needed to be - I turned it into a choice and I chose Bucky and I’m sorry I did that to you, that I was such a coward and took the easy way out rather than putting in the work and fixing things.”
He dropped his gaze, looking to the ground, just waiting for Tony to tell him to leave, or for Tony to just leave himself to get away from Steve.
“It - it happened so long ago, I figured we’d just put it behind us when we worked on undoing what Thanos had done,” Tony simply got out.
Steve looked up, catching Tony’s gaze as Tony looked at him hesitantly, quietly, as if he were holding his breath. Steve shook his head again. “I should have apologized sooner - and I’m sorry about that too.”
“We could have talked about this,” Tony said. It was a loaded sentence, encapsulating everything that went unsaid but that they both understood. They could have talked about the Accords, they could have talked about Bucky, they could have talked about the hesitant back and forth that had been budding into more all those years ago.
“I was scared,” Steve whispered, but it sounded too much like an excuse. He rushed on, “And I’m sorry, Tony, I’m so fucking sorry that I’m finally working up the courage to apologize to you about this, about how I handled things, how I pushed things to the breaking point.” He took a half step towards Tony. “I’m sorry about what I said, when we first worked together.”
Tony’s brows furrowed, showing his confusion.
“We were - look, I-I said you weren’t the guy to make the sacrifice play,” Steve ran a hand across his face, brushing away the beginnings of tears and swallowing hard again. “And, fuck, Tony, you proved me wrong over and over and over again - you went and proved me wrong so hard.”
“Is that what you were referring to when I first came back? Back on Vormir?” When Steve nodded, Tony cracked him the ghost of a smile. “I’ve always loved to prove people wrong, you should know that by now.”
“And now I want to do the same for you.” That look of confusion was back on Tony’s face and Steve cursed under his breath. “I-I mean, I want - I want to prove myself to you, to prove to you that I really am sorry, that I do care and that I do want to be your friend.” He exhaled shakily. “I-I just want us to be friends, close friends, like we used to be.”
“We weren’t - we weren’t close friends, Steve,” Tony got out and Steve looked absolutely stricken. “I mean,” Tony huffed out a frustrated sigh, finally turning to him. “We were friends, close friends, but we both know that we were heading towards dangerous territory with each other.” He runs his hands through his hair much like Steve had done earlier, and in that moment the gesture became blurred between the two, a habit that they didn’t know who had started and who had picked it up from the other. It made something ache in Tony’s chest that he desperately wanted to get rid of. “But we weren’t right for each other and God am I glad we never went further - everything that happened afterwards, I don’t know if we would have actually killed each other if we’d broken that.” He met Steve’s gaze. “You know we were - we were both running, Steve. Both running. You were running away from the past you couldn’t go back to and I was running away from...well, from everything before I was Iron Man.” He looked towards the door, as if he could see through it and see everyone and everything that lay on the other side. Everything just seemed so clear now. “You were looking for a best friend, someone you could get close to and just - just fall into, confident and easy. And I was looking for someone to keep me grounded and call me on my shit that I could - that I could completely trust.” He looked at Steve again. “You were looking for Bucky and I was looking for Pepper, Steve.” He shrugged, halfhearted but sure. “And - and while I’m, I’m honestly relieved that you put it into words, that you finally said that there should have never been a choice, I understand why you chose Bucky. I would’ve chosen Pepper.”
Steve stood rooted to the spot. Tony had always been the smart one, and of course he’d actually string everything together and make sense of their mess of shattered trust and jagged feelings. “I’m sorry, Tony,” Steve repeated, and this time the tears began to fall. “I’m so sorry - I-I want to prove to you just how sorry I am, that I’m, I’m ready to work at it and I’ll always be here, I’ll never run again. I just - I want to fix this, I want us to be friends, even though I don’t deserve it.”
Tony sighed, fighting against the lump he felt rise in his own throat. “Look, I - it was rough, it is rough, still, on the bad days.” He gave him a humorless laugh. “Or, was? I mean, I’ve only been back for three days, so I guess we’ll see.” He shook his head, as if jostling that thought out of the way. “What I want to say though is just that, yeah, I-I want that too. And I think we can get there, some day.”
“Really?” Steve asked, voice hopeful and small all at the same time.
“Yeah,” Tony smiled. “C’mon, man, you came back from your retirement with Peggy to help save me.” He raised a hand to stop Steve before he even said anything. “And while I know that part of the reason you came back was because of Barnes, you could have just come back and just stayed. With him.” He shrugged, feeling overwhelmed and grateful. “But you didn’t. You risked all of that to help bring me back. You risked that for Natasha and Gamora - for me.”
“That’s just - it’s what h-” Steve started, trying to shy away from Tony’s words.
“Don’t even think about giving me the ‘that’s what heroes do’ bullshit,” Tony quipped. He took a step towards Steve. “Because it's not what heroes do - heroes save the world. You saved three people, and risked yourself doing it.” He smiled, hesitant but soft. “It’s what friends do.”
Steve sniffled loudly, and Tony knew that the waterworks were now going to be coming in earnest. “Oh, God, Cap, no,” Tony got out, wrinkling his nose as Steve wiped at his face.
“I’m sorry - fuck, Tony, I just, I fucked up so bad,” Steve breathed out on a sob.
“And we’ll work it out,” Tony assured him. He wanted to work it out. He clapped Steve on the shoulder, feeling how he was shaking to keep from crying any harder. “And - I-I’m sorry too. About when we were first working together. What’s special about you didn’t come out of a bottle.” He poked Steve’s arm. “It’s always been you, Rogers.” He poked his arm again. “But that bottle did give you an insane amount of muscles.”
That pulled a watery laugh out of Steve, and before Tony could protest Steve had pulled him into a hug. It was hesitant and gentle, and Tony knew he could easily break it, but he didn’t want to. He leaned into it, his arms snaking around Steve and patting him on the back, as Steve gave him a comforting squeeze. Tony allowed himself a few tears too, hiding them in Steve’s shoulder. Finally hearing that - finally getting an apology that he had sworn up and down to himself that he didn’t need - it felt good. He felt light, happy, at ease around Steve again that had been so rare since everything had happened but that he hoped would eventually become the norm again.
They stayed like that for a few beats before Tony patted Steve on the back again. “Now let's leave some room for Jesus, I don’t want Barnes to come in here and think I’m trying to pull a fast one on you.”
Steve laughed again, letting go and stepping back, wiping the last of his tears away. “Bucky’s harmless.” At Tony’s completely unconvinced expression, Steve amended, “He’s harmless with friends. And you’re our friend, Tony.” He smiled when he saw Tony give him a small smile. “But Pepper though - that’s who I’m worried about kicking my ass.”
“Pepper can most definitely kick your ass, although she might just send Morgan your way and have her shame you to death with that scowl of hers,” Tony grinned, and thinking about them, about his family, made his heart swell. And Steve was one of the people who had helped him get back to them. “You’ll see what I’m talking about after you’ve both come over for dinner enough times - everyone’s bound to get that scowl from her at some point.”
Tears welled in Steve’s eyes again. “I can’t wait,” he grinned.
“Neither can I, Cap,” Tony sighed happily, feeling his heartbeat jump and stutter in his chest as he thought about Pepper and Morgan and Harley, all waiting for him and Peter at home. “Neither can I.”
Nebula rolled over in bed, hearing movement in the room. She sat up quickly, immediately unsheathing one of her daggers as she looked around frantically.
“It’s just me, you can put that away,” Gamora said, pulling on a clean shirt. Nebula relaxed as soon as she saw her, swinging her legs out from the bunk as she tucked the dagger beneath her pillow again.
“How long was I asleep?” she asked.
“About an hour, honestly.” Gamora tossed her oil stained shirt into the hamper - what felt like a common occurrence whenever she helped Rocket, but something that was still so new for Nebula to see. “Go back to sleep, Nebula. You need your rest.”
Gamora began to head back out, walking past Nebula. Without a second thought, Nebula reached out and grabbed Gamora’s wrist. Gamora’s initial instinct was to pull away, and so she flinched back before freezing, feeling Nebula’s hold on her slacken before it disappeared altogether.
“Yes?” Gamora prodded when Nebula stared at a blank space on the wall.
“I’m just,” her eyes darted to Gamora before she looked away again. “I just missed my sister. I missed you.”
Although Gamora felt the same, it was completely unexpected to hear. She stepped closer to Nebula, closing the distance between the two of them. “Do you remember when we were kids?”
Nebula looked up at her suspiciously. “Yes - of course I do.”
“Do you remember what we’d do when all the lights would go out?” Gamora pressed.
“You - you were afraid of the dark,” Nebula said quietly. She cocked her head to the side. “You’re not afraid of the dark anymore, are you?”
“No,” Gamora answered, slowly moving to sit on the bed beside Nebula, finally sitting down once Nebula made some room for her. “But I do have trouble sleeping sometimes, like you have trouble sleeping.” Feeling the way Nebula began to bristle at her words, Gamora added, “I would get Mantis to help me sleep, on the really bad nights.”
Nebula nodded. She’d seen some of the guardians do that before, but had never asked for her help personally.
“But I do think that if things were like when the lights would go out, and we were kids, well,” she shrugged. “I wouldn’t have problems sleeping.” She looked over at her sister, at her unreadable expression, one that she hoped she was going to get better at deciphering as time went on. “I can ask Mantis to help you sleep?”
“Could you?” Nebula got out quietly, and Gamora nodded, beginning to stand when Nebula gripped her wrist again. “Could you do what I used to do - to help you sleep?” she finished.
Gamora smiled softly, feeling the sting of tears at the back of her eyes as she sat back down. “Of course.”
Nebula moved over, laying down with her head on her pillow as Gamora sat beside her. Nebula pulled the thin blanket she had over herself, up to her chin, and it reminded Gamora so much of when they were still young, soft and scared, already full of pain yet not willing to be cruel to the world, to each other. Nebula turned her back to her, facing the wall, and Gamora began to run her hand over her head, slow, comforting motions that were meant to lull her to sleep. She could feel the change in texture, where her skin gave way to metal, and her heart ached for all the time lost and all the pain her sister had gone through while also sighing in relief that now they had the future to look forward to. Together.
“I missed you, too,” Gamora said quietly, and she could feel Nebula shake softly, trying to cry quietly, trying to keep it hidden from Gamora. Gamora didn’t comment on it, only kept trying to lull her to sleep - and stayed by her side long after she had finally drifted off.