Chapter Text
When Arthur set out on a hunting trip alone with Merlin that early spring day, he was expecting a couple days of freedom and fun with his friend (though he’d never admit they were friends to Merlin’s face). Instead, Arthur returned to Camelot feeling like his world had shattered. Since his father’s death, Arthur has felt like he couldn’t breathe. Even though he had been raised to be a king from birth, having to rule Camelot and mourn his father’s death simultaneously had exhausted him more than any tournament or hunting trip ever had.
He and his father had not agreed on a lot of things, but he had still lost his one remaining close family member. First his mom, then Morgana’s betrayal, and finally Uther. He had Agravaine he supposed, but it wasn’t the same. So, when Merlin had entered his chambers last week, Arthur was already awake, and had ordered Merlin to prepare two horses for a hunting trip.
“Is it too much to hope that you’ll be taking Leon or Lancelot,” Merlin had asked, his voice laced with fake sweetness.
“Stop being lazy, Merlin. It is an honor to be invited on a hunting trip with the king,” Arthur replied haughtily.
“An invitation implies there being a choice, sire.”
“Oh, shut up you idiot and do as you’re told,” Arthur snapped, but the warmth in his voice, and the grin he sent Merlin’s way, softened the command. Even though they had never stopped insulting each other, it was now a game the two of them liked to play, no real malicious intent behind their banter. In fact, Arthur found that he was spending more and more time trying to get Merlin to smile and do his cute laugh. Arthur shook his head to clear his mind; he didn’t like to dwell on the way that Merlin made him feel warm inside. And Merlin was definitely not cute! Bumbling, clueless, and clumsy, certainly, but never cute.
Within the hour both Merlin and Arthur were down by the stables readying to leave as they checked and double checked that the saddles were properly fastened and the proper supplies packed. Arthur bundled his unstrung hunting bow in his sleeping gear, tied it down to the back of his saddle, and swung up onto his steed. Merlin followed suit on his own horse, and soon the two of them were riding out towards to woods.
As soon as they reached the edge of the forest, Merlin started to talk as loudly as possible. “You know Arthur, I have other duties to attend to then following you around while you gallivant around, killing animals. I could be cleaning your armor or helping Gaius. I am still his apprentice. And you know that I don’t like seeing animals be killed, they haven’t done anything to-”
“You’re talking so loud that your scaring off all the game,” Arthur interrupted, finally getting fed up with Merlin’s prattling.
“Imagine that,” Merlin hummed, trying to look innocent, “I hadn’t even noticed that I was talking loudly.” Nevertheless, he didn’t stop rambling loudly for the rest of the day.
Later, after Merlin had managed to scare off every animal Arthur had come close to catching, the two of them sat around a fire Merlin had built.
“Great,” Arthur grumbled. “Due to your incompetence we have nothing to eat.”
“Funny that you say that,” Merlin laughed smugly. “I happened to pack rations in case your hunting prowess was lacking. Between the winter and being crowned king, you’ve grown slower. I’m sure even Gaius in his old age could have caught some game by now.” His eyes shined with mirth as he grinned at Arthur.
“Why you insolent little… I ought to put you in the stocks when we return,” Arthur growled as he launched himself at Merlin. The two of them rolled around on the forest floor laughing as they both tried to win their playful skirmish.
Even though Merlin was small and lithe, he couldn’t use his magic this close to Arthur and hope to get away with it, so he was soon pinned down by Arthur, who grinned down at him as they both tried to catch their breath.
Expecting Arthur to let him up now that he had won, Merlin tried to push himself up, but Arthur kept him firmly in place.
Merlin looked up at him in surprise, only to realize that Arthur was staring at his lips.
“Arthur,” Merlin murmured, asking a silent question. Suddenly, the shared joy and laughter between the two evaporated, replaced by an intense nervous energy. However, before either of them could say anything else, a branch cracked loudly in the surrounding brush and the pair heard someone quietly curse.
Jumping up from his position above Merlin, Arthur dove to where his scabbard lay by the fire, unsheathed his sword, and firmly exclaimed, “who goes there!”
When there was no answer Arthur hissed, “Merlin, get behind me. I can’t protect you when you’re all the way over there.”
Merlin rolled his eyes, but he truly appreciated Arthur’s sentiment, even if Merlin could protect himself. He might act like a prat, but over the years Merlin had come to realize how much Arthur cared about the people around him. In fact, since knowing each other, they had both grown as people, and while Merlin had had his doubts in the beginning, he had known for several years now that Arthur was going to be a great ruler.
He was yanked out of his thoughts when suddenly four bandits leaped out of the bushes. Since it was only a short hunting trip, Arthur had foolishly decided to travel lightly, with very little protective gear, but Arthur was one of, if not the best, swordsman in all of Camelot. He could take them on, he thought, but also having to protect defenseless Merlin from harm would make it a lot more difficult. He really did need to insist that Merlin learn to fight with a sword; at least teach him some of the basics.
He steeled himself as the bandits charged, and soon everything was in chaos as he blocked and parried blow after blow. Ducking to avoid getting his head chopped off, he yelled, “Any help you can give would be nice, Merlin!”
Merlin watched carefully as Arthur took down three of the bandits, waiting to see if there was a way to sneakily use magic to help Arthur. He seemed to have it under control until Merlin saw one of the men Arthur had struck down stir. He apparently was not entirely dead, and stumbled to his feet. Arthur had his back to him as he dispatched the last remaining fighter, and Merlin watched as the wounded bandit raised his sword.
“Arthur!” Merlin screamed as his magic reacted instinctively, throwing the bandit across the clearing into a tree. A sick crack echoed throughout the clearing as the bandit’s neck snapped. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief, but upon turning to look at Arthur, froze.
Arthur was looking at him with wide eyes filled with terror, and Merlin knew immediately that Arthur must have seen his eyes glow gold.
Arthur raised and pointed his sword at Merlin, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not hide the shaking of his hands. “G-get on your knees traitor,” he spat, the anger audible in his voice.
As Merlin lowered himself to the ground, he pleaded, “Arthur please, I swear that everything I did was for you. I didn’t have a choice. I was born with magic.” He then took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from panicking and crying.
He finally looked Arthur in the eye, and in the steadiest tone he could muster said, “My life is at your mercy Arthur; whatever you decide to do I will not fight, but you need to know that I am not ashamed. I have used magic to save your life dozens of times and have felt the beauty that magic can bring, and so if I had the option, I would choose to be born with magic again. I regret that I was never able to tell you this myself, but I refuse to apologize for having magic itself.”
He and Arthur stared at each other for several minutes, neither moving, before Arthur slowly lowered his sword. Looking relieved, Merlin started to rise, but Arthur quickly put an end to that. “Stay down. I’m still trying to decide what to do with you, and until I’ve figured that out, I’m going to keep you tied up so you can’t hurt me or pull a runner. If you were to run to Morgana, you know too much about Camelot because I made the mistake of trusting a liar,” Arthur commanded with an accusatory glare.
That is how Merlin found himself bound and tied to a tree. At least Arthur had been nice enough to tie his hands in front of his body. However, the rope that secured him to the tree was digging into his stomach uncomfortably, making it hard to sleep once nightfall came. Not to mention that it was quite cold as spring had just begun. Oh, and the fear of burning on the pyre, can’t forget that. No, he barely slept at all.
In the morning, Arthur walked over to him, and judging by the redness of his eyes he hadn’t slept well either. He silently drew his sword, and Merlin closed his eyes and flinched.
“If you’re going to have me killed can you at least give me the curtesy of doing it now,” Merlin whispered. “I don’t want to burn. I don’t want Gaius or Gwen or any of my other friends to have to see me burn.”
“Oh, for fucks sake Merlin I’m not going to kill you,” Arthur said gruffly as he cut both the rope that tied Merlin to the tree and then untied Merlin’s wrists with his hands. Even after the bindings had fallen away, Arthur continued to gently hold Merlin’s wrists, thumbing over the patches of skin rubbed raw from the rope. “You could have told me that they were too tight Merlin and I would have loosened them,” Arthur said, trying to catch Merlin’s gaze.
“I was afraid that if I asked you might tell me that it was on purpose; that you wanted it to hurt. That would have caused me more pain than any rope could.” At that Arthur stood up and fixed Merlin with an icy glare, obviously putting up a wall.
“Get up,” he ordered as he roughly yanked Merlin up by his arm, “and get on your horse we’re going back to Camelot.” At Merlin’s look of surprise and fear, he clarified, “ I may banish you or throw you in jail, I’m still not sure, but until I’ve made a decision you will still serve as my manservant. ‘keep your enemies closer’ and all that.”
Merlin looked hurt, “I am the same man I was yesterday Arthur. I am not your enemy. Just because you know about my magic now-”
Arthur cut him off, snarling, “Do not mention your sorcery. Of that I am certain. If you do, I will not hesitate to punish you. If you wish to stay my manservant, you will not speak about magic.”
The ride back to Camelot was dead silent, a complete reversal of the previous day’s journey. Even the forest seemed unnaturally quiet, as if all the creatures in the woods were mourning with Arthur and Merlin. It was truly as beautiful day, but neither boy could enjoy it, Merlin thought bitterly.
Arthur spent the entire ride thinking about Merlin. He was incredibly hurt. Ever since he had seen Merlin’s eyes glow gold, he felt as if he couldn’t catch his breath. He had thought that they were friends, that he knew Merlin, but that was obviously false. If Merlin had been telling the truth about being born with magic, Arthur hadn’t known about a massive part of Merlin. However, Merlin had had lots of chances to hurt Arthur if he had really wanted to, and he hadn’t. Arthur did not know what to think.
Soon they were back to the castle, and Arthur quickly dismounted, leaving Merlin to tend to the horses without a word.
He didn’t see Merlin again until dinner time, when he heard a timid knock on the door. That couldn’t be Merlin, he always just flounced into Arthur’s chambers without warning, he thought bitterly, as he called out, “enter.” To his utter surprise, it was Merlin, who set down his dinner quietly and then stood back with his head bowed.
Arthur had been wishing that another servant would attend him tonight, as he still could barely look at Merlin without pulling his hair out, and so angrily commanded, “Leave. I do not want you in my presence tonight.”
Merlin’s shoulders dropped, and he shuffled out of the room. When he returned to Gaius’ chambers, the older man immediately knew something was wrong. “What’s the matter Merlin, you weren’t supposed to be back before tomorrow. Is Arthur hurt?” Merlin shook his head before answering, “Arthur found out,” his voice cracking. “He didn’t take it well. He hasn’t decided to kill me, but I’ve completely lost his trust Gaius.”
“I’m sorry my boy,” Gaius responded, looking concerned, but not knowing what to say. “I’m going to retire to my room now, goodnight,” Merlin said flatly, forcing a fake smile.
Once his door was shut, he collapsed on his bed face down, and if his cheeks were wet with tears, nobody could see them. If he was ever able to, it would take a long time to regain Arthur’s trust and Merlin had no idea how to even begin. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep, dreading the following morning when he would have to face Arthur’s look of betrayal and anger once again.