Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a Friday night and Catra was at a party. She should’ve been having fun, and for a while she was—getting drunk and ignoring her responsibilities—but there was no one around anymore (or at least no one interesting around) and frankly she didn’t even want to be here in the first place. 

She'd been dancing when she’d run into her ex’s friends. Then her ex. As soon as they'd tried to make conversation, Catra turned the other way, grabbed another drink and got as far away from them as she could. Now, sitting alone on a stairwell, Catra had just finished another bottle and was growing tired of watching couples making out and friends laughing, drinking together—so it was time to ditch. Her friends (if she could even call them that) wouldn’t notice anyway. 

That was how she ended up on a park bench, still a little too drunk to go home, but not drunk enough to pass out in an empty park. So she put in her earphones, chose her late night vibes playlist and scrolled through Twitter. When she got bored of Twitter, she decided to open up Snapchat, knowing she was probably just going to see lots of people having a blast at the party she’d just left. She was mostly correct. 

Until she’d gotten to Adora Grayskull's private story.

Adora Grayskull: the captain of the lacrosse team, adored by many, quite possibly the whole school, teachers and students alike. Very popular. If she ran for student body president, the vote would definitely be overwhelmingly in her favour. She was their golden girl. Which was why Catra had no business being on her private story. Especially when they'd only spoken on two different occasions (it wasn’t like Catra had committed that to memory though); one being in gym a couple months ago when Catra had been distracted and gotten hit in the face by a ball; the other being in English (one of the only other classes they shared) when Adora had asked to borrow a pen, and about the answer to a question in the same lesson. Catra had seen her around before then however—almost always from afar—with her nauseatingly upbeat friend group. Still, Catra couldn't care less about her.

And yes, Catra had added her first, but there was a big difference between adding someone and adding them to your private story. Catra hadn't even asked, directly or otherwise. She didn't even think the jock would take note of her adding her. Yet, a day later after her request had been accepted, she saw that Grayskull had also requested to be her friend. A week after that, she was on her private story. 

Maybe she added all her classmates. Yeah—that was probably it. 

Adora's stories were never long, and she seldom posted on her main, whereas on her private, she did a lot more. Pictures, videos with friends, parties, outings, memes and the occasional sincere post on something topical. Not that Catra watched them religiously. That would be ridiculous. Nevertheless, Catra had come to expect what she'd put on her story, and didn’t think Adora Grayskull—one of the most popular jocks in the school—would skip out on such a big party. So when she didn’t see any snaps of her getting ready for the party, or anything about the party at all on her main, she was curious to see if there was anything on her private either. 

There was, just not what she’d expected—a picture of her ceiling and the caption: skipped out on party, bored at home - smbdy hmu?

It shouldn't mean anything, and Catra shouldn't stare at the post like it did, but she read the words over and over anyway, as if they would change if she reread it enough times. And maybe Catra was more drunk than she thought because then she swiped up, tongue sticking out between her lips, fingers hovering over the keyboard. Once she started typing out the message, she knew there was no going back.  

[Adora.gray - 9:45pm]  

gonna go egg my ex’s house

wanna come?

She had no time to rethink the decision, or ponder over if this was a good idea, asking Adora Grayskull to do something like that (even if it was mostly a joke), because the message was seen immediately and her little Bitmoji was on the screen and Catra was a little scared at what she was going to say in reply when the little icon disappeared and came back, once, then once again. She was probably about to tell her to fuck off, though maybe—hopefully—she'd say it nicely. Catra closed her eyes and hoped when she opened them that this whole situation was just a figment of her imagination. Instead, she saw a one word reply. One single word. 

bet.

Catra was sitting on the bench still, bopping her head side to side, only slightly tipsy and now listening to her guilty pleasures playlist—mostly consisting of pop music—when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Instantly, she scrambled up, pulling an earphone out, hands instinctively curling into a fist, when she realised—

“What—what the fuck are you doing here?” she asked, eyes wide as she stared at her—Adora Grayskull in the flesh.

Catra didn’t get to see her up close often, but when she did there was something about her that managed to make her mind short circuit. She was wearing gray joggers (that shouldn't look as good as they did but of course she could make them look good with her perfect athlete physique), a varsity jacket and a plain white tee underneath. As always, her hair was in that stupid ponytail and the gray blue of her eyes were as clear as day, even in the evening with only the dim street lights. 

Adora came round to her side on the bench, which was when Catra noticed what she was holding under each of her arms: two dark sweatshirts; a packet of toilet paper; and three egg cartons. Catra was rendered speechless. 

Taking a step closer, Adora opened her mouth, then closed it, opened it again and settled on saying, “I...was I not meant to? Because you did kind of ask, and then I responded, so I—”

“It was—it was a joke. I was joking. You thick in the head or something, Grayskull?” Catra had to tilt her head up a little to stare her down, which slightly took away from the intimidation factor. 

Catra was widely known in school, which she supposed was similar to Adora, but for all the wrong reasons. She’d transferred from Horde High to Bright Moon, and much to her dismay, (she had wanted a fresh start, but she never did get what she wanted) her reputation had carried. Not everything had though. And up until recently, things had been bearable. Until her ex had decided to make everything astronomically worse.

“Uh, I, well—I didn't think—how was I supposed to know?” Adora did a small, dorky looking shrug, then sat herself down on the bench. 

Biting the inside of her cheek, Catra sighed and did the only thing she could think to do, which was copy her. No one bothered to say anything for a moment, and that was when the cold hit Catra more than it had before. It was surprisingly chilly for an early September evening—maybe Catra should have listened to her aunt when she'd told her to wear a coat. 

“Cold?” Adora asked as Catra rubbed both her arms. 

She looked at Adora once, twice, then nodded. Adora held out one of the sweatshirts she had under her arm. Briefly hesitating, Catra took it, muttering a ‘thanks’ before putting it on. She wasn't sure if Adora watched her as she did. Unsurprisingly, it was a size or two big, as Adora was a little taller, and definitely had more muscle. But it was warm, and it smelt like it was fresh out of the laundry, and it’d been worn by Adora Grayskull—Bright Moon’s star athlete. Catra almost shook her head at the last thought. After another moment, Adora turned to face her. 

“So, now that I’m here, are we doing this D’riluth?” Adora spoke so smoothly compared to just minutes ago that Catra was taken aback. Not only had that shocked her but also—Adora had used her last name too. Why Adora Grayskull had committed that to memory (and also pronounced it perfectly), Catra didn’t know. It was almost enough to stun her completely. Almost.

She pretended to consider the question for a moment. “I guess now that you're here, it would be a shame if it were for nothing, and you brought all this stuff too, so…sure, fuck it.”

Adora’s face lit up with a smile. Catra wasn’t used to seeing it up close. She never got when people in books and movies described someone’s smile as blinding, but in a way, it was, because Adora's was so bright and full of life she wanted to look away.

“Really? Great!”

It seemed like her smile was pretty infectious too. Catra bit down on her cheek to stop her lips from turning upwards. “Never seen someone so enthusiastic to egg a house.”

“Well, maybe it's because it’s my first time,” Adora said casually, but Catra’s mind instantly latched onto the words, spinning them into something entirely different.

She felt her face grow hotter, but raised a brow anyway and said with a smirk, “Oh? Your first time, huh? Better make it special then.”

Worry washed over her when Adora didn't immediately reply. It had barely been five seconds and Catra had already screwed—

Adora cracked another smile, shaking her head. “I see what you did there. Hah, hah,” she replied, tone dry. 

Catra slumped back onto the bench. But then Adora got up, looking around. “I assumed the location I was going to was your ex's house, but we’re in a park so…” 

“It’s not too far from here. Only like a twenty minute walk.” Pulling out her phone to search a route, Catra glanced up at Adora, gesturing for her to sit back down.

Adora stayed standing, letting out a breathy laugh. “You know I brought my truck with me? We can just take that and be there in five minutes.”

A ride in Adora Grayskull’s truck? Even Catra wasn’t stupid enough to refuse. Still, she didn’t want to appear eager, so she nodded slowly, sounding exasperated as she said, “Fine, lead the way, Grayskull.”

They got to her truck, with Adora getting in after shutting Catra’s door for her (apparently it shut better from the outside) and went to put her keys in the ignition. Before she could, Catra stopped her, because one thing was still niggling in the back of her mind, one thing she’d never been able to understand about the popular jock. She knew if she didn’t ask now, it would be on her mind all night. 

“I don’t get it. Why are you doing this, hanging out with me? It can't just be because you're bored. What…what's in it for you?” Catra narrowed her eyes.

Adora cleared her throat before answering. “Um—well, I mean, I thought that, y'know, maybe you could help me with writing the upcoming English paper?” 

Catra couldn’t help but press on. “Why me?” she asked, but really what she meant was why show interest in me, the girl that most the school hated when you could choose literally anyone else you wanted?

Adora shrugged (once again Catra noticed how oddly stiff it was) with a smile. “'Cause you seem to know what you're doing in that class, and I dunno—I thought it could be cool.”

Although she wasn’t completely satisfied with the answer—in fact she now had more questions—Catra took it, knowing she wasn’t going to get any better. But it hardly mattered—in her mind it was settled that Adora Grayskull’s motivation for being here was just because she wanted something from her, nothing else. And Catra was fine with that. 

Catra put her seatbelt on then turned to face her. “Hmm...I'll think about it. Now, let’s go.”

Catra was having fun. Genuine fun, with genuine smiles and laughter as she egged her ex’s house with Adora Grayskull of all people. Adora—being a jock and all—was obviously competitive, but Catra didn’t mind since she was actually pretty competitive too, in fact, maybe even moreso. They started trying to see who could throw an egg the highest, best of three, and although Catra only beat Adora once she still rubbed it in her face the whole time. She was supposed to be an athlete after all. 

Catra realised it’d been a while since she’d felt blissfully happy like that. It was odd. An odd feeling. 

After maybe ten minutes or so, they saw a light flicker on, and knew it was time to bounce. Adora had parked her truck around the corner—just in case they had to make a run for it and so the truck wouldn’t be seen—and now they were sprinting in that direction, giggling and squealing loud enough it could quite possibly attract the neighbours’ attention. Adora got there in record time, though Catra was only a few paces behind so she waited to shut her in before scrambling to the other side of her truck, starting it up then accelerating as quickly as she could. She was probably breaking the speed limit. Neither seemed to care. 

They only drove for a few minutes before stopping in an unfamiliar street. Both high off adrenaline, the two took large breaths before looking at each other and breaking out into laughter again. 

“That was—” Catra started, lungs still trying to take in as much air as possible.

Adora was a little breathless too as she said, “Yeah, that was—”

“Awesome!” 

“Crazy. Kind of reckless actually,” Adora whispered. She drummed the steering wheel, in a sort of rhythm, then turned her whole body to face Catra. “Do you think we'll get caught?” She tried to ask the question with an air of nonchalance, but just the way she was sitting gave it away.

Catra scoffed. “Nah. You certainly won't. You're the last person they would suspect, Grayskull. You’re their golden girl.” 

Golden girl. One of Adora’s many unofficial nicknames. She’d been dubbed that after the end of last year's lacrosse season and had continued to do well this year, so the name had stuck. Adora however didn’t seem very acclimated to the name. She shifted in her seat again before clearing her throat. 

“Why did you, y’know, want to egg his house?”

As soon as the question had come out, Catra’s pulse quickened. Adora didn’t know? Adora didn’t know. She thought everyone had known by now, even though she hadn't wanted that at all. Adora’s truck suddenly felt a lot smaller, warmer, and Catra fought the urge to open the door and run. Since everyone else knew, Adora would find out eventually. Better that it be from her than someone else. 

“'Cause she's a dick.” She kept her eyes fixed on the lamppost across from the truck. It was one of the only ones on the street. 

For a moment, Adora said nothing, and Catra’s whole body tensed awaiting what she assumed would come next. Another few seconds went by. Nothing. Instead, Adora replied quietly, so quietly Catra thought she was talking to herself.

“Oh, she. Okay,” she said with a nod. A pause. “What...um, if you don't mind me asking, did she do—to be a dick?”

Catra tore her gaze away from the lamppost to meet Adora’s eyes. They didn’t seem to have an ounce of malice or hatred in them. She felt her muscles loosen. “You don't know?”

Adora shook her head.

“Really, Grayskull?” Catra asked again. Adora gave her a blank look in return, so she continued with a sigh. “Okay well, not only was she just a shitty person, but she pretty much outed me, to the whole school. Ring any bells?”

“Oh, yeah,” Adora said, sitting back a little in her seat.

“Yeah. Oh.” Catra shook her head, rolling her eyes. She was tempted to pull out her phone, thinking maybe that would shut the rest of the conversation down, but before she could do anything, Adora was already saying something else. 

“I'm sorry.”

“Huh?” Catra scrunched up her face at her. Why was she apologising? 

“Well, I’d heard about it and didn't think that it was anything but rumours. Now I know it wasn’t and—it must have been hard, so, I’m sorry.”

Catra didn’t say anything. Mostly because she didn’t know what to say, so for a few seconds it was uncomfortably silent. Then, “Does it bother you?”

“What does?” Adora said, and unlike before, Catra really didn’t think she knew what she meant.

Groaning, she said, “That my ex is a she.” 

Adora didn’t hesitate or pause this time. “No. Why would it?” 

“Grayskull, I'm gay.” Catra gave her a long look, not straying away from the eye contact now. That was one of the first times she’d said that out loud. 

Adora replied with a shrug (Catra was starting to hate how she somehow managed to make such a stupid gesture look so good). She spoke low as she said, “It doesn't make a difference to me. In fact I—”

Catra's phone had cut Adora off with it’s jarring ringtone. She fished it out of her pocket, attempting to suppress a sigh as she answered. It was her aunt wondering where she was. She didn’t seem angry at her, since she’d gotten permission to go out, but it was nearly eleven and she always got worried the darker it got. The call ended quickly, but the message was clear: get her ass home now. 

“Sorry, I gotta go,” Catra said, and went to leave the car. Although she had no clue where she was, she’d figure it out. 

Before she could however, Adora leaned over saying, “No!” 

Catra stopped, sitting back again but giving Adora a perplexed look. 

“It's just that, well, it’s dark outside, so it’d be better if I drive you home.” Adora stumbled over her words and Catra bit her lip to stop a smile from forming.

She knew Adora wouldn’t let her find her own way home, that much was clear, but she still said, “You don't have to, really.”

“Really, I want to.” Adora didn’t bother to bite back on her smile, nor did she wait for a reply before starting the engine back up. They were on their way again, with Catra giving her directions every so often. Other than that, the silence was filled with whatever songs were playing on the radio. Catra recognised some of the songs from her own playlists, most being upbeat and cheery. But then, a slower, more heartfelt song came on: 

But there's another world,

We're living in

Tonight.

And there's another heart,

That's fading in

The light.

For some reason, Catra couldn't get the lyrics out of her head. 

Once they’d finally got to Catra’s house, Adora turned down the radio. Now that it ceased to take up all the sound it had, Catra supposed their voices had to fill it in its place. Only, none of them spoke immediately, and the only sound was the click of her seatbelt.

Clearing her throat, Catra finally said, “Thanks. For the ride. And, uh, egging my ex’s house with me.”

“Thanks for the fun night,” Adora replied with a small smile. 

Catra had nothing more to say, and it didn’t seem like Adora did either. Despite this, Catra made no move to get out of the truck, and Adora wasn’t rushing her to either. They both just stared at each other, blue eyes piercing through mismatched ones, pulling Catra in. It was like Adora had put her under a spell, was trapping her in her orbit, forcing her to be completely at her will—and Catra was defenceless. The spell only lasted a few more seconds before she snapped out of it, finally going to open the door.

Once she’d slammed it shut, extra hard because of what Adora said about it earlier, she started walking towards her door, only to hear Adora call after:

“I'll see you at school then?”

Catra turned back to see her leaning over from her seat to look out the window. “Yeah, sure you will, Grayskull.” She gave her a wave and continued walking. 

“And the paper?” Adora asked, practically shouting for her to hear.

“Still thinking ‘bout it," Catra said over her shoulder. 

She didn’t look back to see if Adora had driven off yet—she could tell she hadn’t. Catra thought that maybe she was making sure she'd gotten in safely but scoffed at the thought. Once she’d gotten inside, she glanced over to see her aunt and abuelita, both watching TV in the living room. They must have heard the door unlock, but she still made an effort to sneak upstairs so she wouldn’t have to face any questions about why she’d been out for so long. Hopefully she wouldn’t be punished for it tomorrow. Catra gave into the temptation to look out her window, and to her surprise, Adora Grayskull was only now driving off. That was when Catra looked down and realised she’d forgotten to take off her sweatshirt. She pulled out her phone and saw she had a notification on Snapchat.

[Adora.gray - 11:01pm]  

(Number attached)

so you can call me about the paper (:

cocky. but I'm still undecided grayskull

also forgot to give back your hoodie sorry 

it's cool, return it whenever

or don't 

I have lots 

As she read the reply, Catra didn't bother to bite back her smile. Despite everything, tonight had been a good night.

Chapter Text

It was a Sunday night, and Catra couldn't focus on getting her algebra homework done which she’d been struggling to do all weekend. She hadn’t left the house since Friday because as her aunt put it, albeit more kindly, she would whoop her ass if she left the house again before completing all the work she'd been given. Then there would be no more parties for her to go to. It was essentially an informal house arrest. It wasn’t like Catra had anywhere to be, or friends to hang out with though, so she’d gotten her English and History out the way on Saturday, and avoided even looking at her math questions until now: 11pm on the night before it was due. 

On the morning after Catra’s Friday night antics, other than her aunt being mad she hadn’t done her homework and staying out a little too late without calling, she had pretty much let her off punishment free. She was probably tired of trying to be so strict with her. It certainly hadn’t worked before when she was at Horde High, the first few months at Bright Moon, or during the summer when she’d spent more time out of the house than in. The only reason Catra was listening a little more now was because over the summer she realised she didn’t want to be a hopeless dropout like all the people she’d hung out with. She wanted to graduate. She couldn’t afford to fuck up Junior year. So if her aunt wanted to keep her in the house until she finished her work? Fine. 

But this was torture. Algebra was by far the worst thing about math. No—all of math was bad. Groaning, she dragged a hand down her face and threw the work onto the floor. Doing this on a bed only made it harder. Usually, she’d use the kitchen table, but it was late and if anyone came into the kitchen, especially her aunt, she’d most definitely get in trouble and she didn't want the hassle. 

Maybe, she could find the answers online. Grabbing her phone off her bedside table, she searched the question into Google, only to be disappointed when she couldn’t find the exact paper she was doing. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. This wasn’t working. Catra decided maybe she’d be able to focus better once she’d had a midnight snack. So sneaking out of her room, she went down the stairs slowly, trying not to put too much weight on the steps she knew creaked the loudest. Her aunt would not be happy if she woke up her cousin. Thankfully, she’d made it down without hearing anything but her own slow breaths and occasional creak of the step. It was fine. 

She noticed the kitchen light on, but didn’t think much of it. Someone had probably forgotten to turn it off. Only, when she stepped into the kitchen—

“Catrina, what are you doing up at this time?” Her aunt sat at the dinner table, mug in one hand and phone in the other. 

“Nice to see you too, Serenia.” Catra rolled her eyes, going to open the fridge. She had been in her room for most of the day, like she often did when under house arrest, so that was the first thing Catra had said to her in over 24 hours. 

She heard Serenia setting her mug down. “You shouldn’t be up this late. It’s a school night, need I remind you?” 

“No, you needn’t remind me, I’m aware actually,” she replied, rummaging around to find a snack. She settled on some yoghurt, and went to grab a spoon from the drawer. 

Serenia sighed, but Catra chose to ignore her, in favour of sitting atop the counter since she knew her aunt hated when she did that. She didn’t say anything to her however, only stared at her, almost curiously, like she couldn’t figure out what Catra was trying to achieve here. She probably couldn’t, because even Catra wasn’t sure.

“Why are you so determined to make everything so much harder than it has to be, huh?” She set her phone down as well now, a little too loudly for this time of the night.

Licking her spoon, Catra paused for a moment then hummed. “Why do you even bother? Focus on your own kids, I’m a big girl, aren’t I? I don’t need to be micromanaged.”

Scoffing, Serenia said, “Well clearly you do if you think staying up this late when you have school tomorrow is a good idea. You’re worse than the boys.”

Catra jumped down from the counter, putting her spoon in the sink and remaining yoghurt in the trash. “I don’t care.” 

“That’s the problem Catra, you need to. I—” she faltered for a moment, then took a breath before saying, “I promised Camilla that I’d look after you. That I wouldn’t let—”

“Don’t.”  

Catra was already leaving the room, stomping upstairs, unbothered about how much noise she was making, or if it woke her youngest cousin now. 

Slamming her door, she climbed into bed, closing her eyes with a huff. For a couple minutes she willed herself to drift off so she could just stop thinking, but of course now she wasn’t tired. She looked over to her right, to her clothes scattered around the room, her floor. Then she eyed something that wasn’t her own: Adora Grayskull’s sweatshirt. Shit. She probably needed to return that. Then, she thought back to what Adora had said over Snapchat, about her not having to return it. And at that moment, it seemed quite tempting to put it on, to breathe in the fresh scent; be enveloped by it’s warmth, even if it was the warmth of someone who was practically a stranger. That compelling feeling, that desire, however, was quickly washed over by guilt, shame. Catra bit her lip, shook her head. Adora had probably been joking. Yeah, that was it. There was no way someone like Adora Grayskull had seriously said someone like Catra D’riluth could keep her clothes. She got up and stuffed the sweatshirt into her school bag, vowing to herself she’d find Adora and give it back to her tomorrow. She started planning out in her head when and where she’d be able to give it back to her and how to make sure to attract as little attention to them as possible. Maybe before gym? After? Did they have lunch at the same time? They did last year. She saw her in the cafeteria last week, didn’t she? Catra groaned, and willed herself to go to sleep.

As sleep finally came, Catra had realised that she still hadn’t completed her algebra homework—she’d have to do it in the morning then. But when morning came, she didn’t. 

“So, how’s your first two weeks of Junior year been?”

Catra shrugged, looking at her nails. She hadn’t had time to do them so the black paint she wore was chipped. “I don’t know. Fine, I guess.”

“You guess?” Netossa raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Catra shot back, but as soon as she did, she found herself biting the inside of her cheek. This wasn’t what she was here to do. 

This was her second session with her guidance counsellor, Netossa, and unlike last year’s, Catra wanted to give her a chance, but it was her automatic response to close up, to deny feeling anything, apart from maybe anger. Maybe Netossa knew this, which was why she’d been so patient last week when Catra hadn’t said much at all when asked about summer, and her goals for the year. It had been a long thirty minutes.

“Why don’t I tell you about my first two weeks?” Netossa asked, although Catra didn’t really think she could say no. 

“Sure.”

Catra mostly zoned out as Netossa listed some highlights of her time back at school, and some other things loosely related, like her car breaking down. When she was done, she asked Catra if anything interesting had happened to her since being back at school. Catra’s mind wandered back to Friday night: being drunk and messaging Adora Grayskull from a park bench; her turning up with eggs and toilet paper; the laughing and the running; sitting in her truck and telling her that she was gay; the car ride back where the silence between them was almost comforting, not painfully awkward like it should have been; soft blue eyes staring intently at her; Adora’s message at the end of the night.

“Catra?” 

She shook her head. “No. Nothing’s happened.”

Netossa tapped her pen on her desk. “Listen, I can’t help you if you don’t let me Catra. You’ve gotta give me something.” 

Biting down on her lip, Catra thought carefully on what to say. With a sigh, she said, “I…I’ve been having some trouble with algebra. Math in general is kinda hard.” 

Netossa nodded. “I hated math when I was younger too. Have you told the teacher you’re having trouble with it?”

“Once or twice. The way they explain things is confusing though.” 

Humming, Netossa asked, “What about getting a tutor?”

Catra scoffed. “Can’t afford it.”

She tapped her pen against the desk once more. “I’m sure there’s a friend who’d be willing to help for free. If not, I could look into it for you?” 

The bell had rang then, which Catra gladly welcomed, so she started getting up, putting her bag back on. As she got to the door, Netossa cleared her throat, and begrudgingly, Catra turned back round. With a clearly fake smile on her face, she said, “Thanks, and see ya next week.” 

"Have a good rest of your day, Catra." 

Now she just had to get through two more periods, and also, maybe, try and find Adora. But she hadn’t had much luck with it so far. The one time she’d spotted her at lunch, she’d been surrounded by all her friends, and Catra was not going over there by herself, that was practically suicide. So instead, she sat on a table of her own—some days she’d sit with some kids from her dance class, or the ‘wrong crowd’ which mostly consisted of kids from Horde High (Catra wouldn’t be surprised if the two schools merged soon with how half their former students were already here for one reason or another), but today no one seemed to be around and Catra had long resigned herself to sitting on her own, being in her own company. 

The group of people Adora Grayskull hung out with were dubbed ‘The Princesses’ by many. Depending on who you were, possibly ‘The Pretentious Princesses’. All rich, good looking, and squeaky clean of course. On the surface they all appeared humble, friendly, perfect. Catra knew that couldn’t be the case for all of them. In fact, she was certain of it, because one of the members of their stupid squad used to be friends with Catra.

Scorpia. Her fork stabbed down on the vegetables on her plate harshly. Seeing her now—laughing, smiling, arm around some hippie cheerleader type—reminded her of the anger, resentment she had been feeling at everything and everyone (and still partially did) that had landed her in the position she was in today. But another part of her, one which was pitiful and self loathing, seemed to be much more vocal now than ever. And that part of her screamed good for you. Good for you for getting away from this ticking time bomb. 

Because although she wasn’t completely consumed by her own grief, her own anguish anymore, she knew she was nowhere near better, and frankly, she didn’t know if she ever would be. She was —mostly— glad for Scorpia, that she’d found her place somewhere, that she’d made good friends. They hadn’t spoken since Catra first got here, months ago. Though Catra supposed she only had herself to blame.

Her eyes had eventually gravitated towards Adora, who had her head back, laughing, ponytail swishing, wearing an obnoxiously red letterman jacket. Catra hated it. It made her feel slightly nauseous somehow. The way she exuded this inner confidence, and the way she seemed like she thought she was better than everyone. Although, Catra noticed how she looked almost…out of place among the rest of them at times. But Adora Grayskull was the team’s captain and Catra was just some onlooker who knew nothing—it was just a feeling, one which probably wasn’t right, so therefore it meant nothing. Catra checked her watch and realised there was only a few minutes before lunch ended. She wasn’t particularly hungry, so she threw the rest of her food away and decided to get away from the cafeteria. Away from Scorpia. Away from Adora. 

Like Adora had told her, she had lots of sweatshirts—she wouldn’t miss one.

Catra had just finished her dance class, which had most definitely overran it’s usual time, and was about to hop onto her bike and finally go home, when she heard her name being called. Who could possibly be—?

Oh. 

As she turned around, she was greeted with a grinning Adora Grayskull, who looked like she’d just finished lacrosse practice, still in her training clothes and sweat rolling off her brow. It should have been disgusting but—Catra took a subconscious gulp, as she tried to focus on her face rather than the way her shorts were a little on the tight side and showed of her—

“Hey. I found you, D’riluth,” Adora said, voice close to breathless, yet the goofy smile on her face never wavered.

Catra regained her wits once she’d opened her mouth and replied with a scoff. “I was hardly hiding.” 

Adora’s smile only grew. “Keep on telling yourself that.” 

“What do you want Grayskull? You’re delaying my nap.” Catra said. She thought about the sweatshirt in her bag. Adora was probably going to ask for it back now, otherwise why else go through the trouble of seeking out Catra?

“Well, y’know I…” Adora’s head ducked down for a moment. It seemed Adora Grayskull’s confidence came in sporadic bursts. On Friday, she’d spent half of it acting like a complete dork, the other half being surprisingly smooth, and now— “I was wondering whether over the weekend you’d considered my request?” 

Catra scrunched up her face for a moment, trying to recall what request she was referring to. Then she realised. 

“The English paper? Seriously? I kind of thought you were kidding.” Catra said, although that wasn’t exactly true. She just hadn’t expected Adora Grayskull to look for her over it. Not when being seen with Catra of all people, would not look good for her. 

“Seems like everything is a joke to you. But I meant it. Really. I could, uh, really use your help.” Adora took a step closer, essentially blocking her from leaving, and Catra edged slightly closer to her bike. 

Catra bit her lip. Adora Grayskull was asking for her help. Her. Most people would jump at the opportunity, and yet here was Catra: apprehensive, almost unwilling. 

“I know you helped me egg my ex’s house already, but what else is in it for me, huh? How can you make this worth my while, Grayskull?” Catra asked with a smirk, because at the very least, she should be getting something in return for her free labour. 

Adora thought for a moment, chin in one hand. Catra couldn’t help but glance over at her biceps as she scratched her arm for a moment—how did she keep so fit? 

“Ah! I know, I can get us free milkshakes down at Razz’s? In fact, we could do the essay there,” Adora said, as though Catra had already agreed. It seemed she realised that because she added on, “if you’re cool with that?”

As Adora looked at her, blue-gray eyes wide and lips upturned, in that stupid fucking lacrosse uniform, Catra knew she wouldn’t be getting out of this, that fate had already decided for her. 

Groaning, she swung onto her bike, placing one earphone in. “Fine, when?” 

Once again, Adora beamed, then said, “Well the paper’s due by the end of the week, so are you free tomorrow? At four? We can meet here.”

Catra knew she had nothing on tomorrow because she never did. Still, she tilted her head up before looking at Adora again, nodding. “Sure, tomorrow’s fine.”

“Great!” Adora said, and she looked as though she was about to say something else when someone shouted her name. Sounded a lot like Scorpia. Catra clutched the handlebars of her bike a little tighter before clearing her throat.

“You better go. I need to.” 

Adora moved out of her way. “Oh, yeah, of course. So I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Catra didn’t bother answering the question. “Don’t go thinking this means we’re friends, Grayskull.” she said over her shoulder as she began to ride away. She was sure Adora didn’t think that anyway, but. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Adora shouted after her. 

Facing away from her now, Catra shook her head but couldn’t stop her lips from twitching upwards. Catra rode home that day listening to her almost happy playlist, thinking of Adora Grayskull’s bright smile and bag still heavy with her sweatshirt.

Chapter Text

Catra hated mornings. She despised them, loathed them, for a multitude of reasons. One of them being because it meant starting another agonising, boring day at Bright Moon High.

While it wasn’t the hell that the Horde was, it certainly wasn’t any better. In fact, in some ways it was worse. Sure, there weren’t fights going on daily and kids doing drugs in the bathroom stalls, but at least in the Horde, Catra was feared and respected. Soon enough people stopped crossing her. Those who were still stupid enough to learnt the hard way. But that was Horde Catra. Bright Moon Catra was feared, sure, but she couldn’t intimidate, or threaten the way she did in the Horde. She was avoided. Hated. Alone. Here at Bright Moon, no one wanted conflict it seemed. Or, more accurately, they didn’t want direct conflict. Because what Bright Mooners did like to do was talk—behind your back of course. Which meant Catra couldn’t physically confront them because what good would that do? It wouldn’t shut down all the rumours about her. So she let people believe what they believed. Even if, especially with the recent rumours (which technically weren’t untrue), she would have preferred to shut them down. But, like most things, it was out of her control. 

As her alarm started blaring at 7am, she groaned into her pillow, willing it silent with her mind. When it didn’t, she groaned again and turned over to reach for it, head still buried in her pillow. After fumbling to grab her phone for a few moments, she swiped the cracked phone screen and let out a sigh. She was very tempted to go back to sleep and risk the possible detention she’d get for being late the third day in a row. However, a certain voice popped in her head, saying, “So are you free tomorrow? At four?”  

Slowly lifting her head off the pillow, Catra rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She really did need to get up before Serenia started shouting for her. After a few more minutes of looking blankly at her wall, Catra finally got up, going over to her closet to pick her clothes out. She probably had more clothes on her floor than in her closet—cleaning her room was something she often neglected to do. 

Downstairs she could already hear Benny crying and Diego clanking his cutlery and Serenia telling them both to stop. It was far too early for this. She chose her outfit quickly—a band T-shirt she’d gotten at a thrift store, a red plaid shirt, black ripped skinny jeans and some beat up converses—brushed through her hair, put a bandana on, then checked through her bag to make sure she had everything she needed. 

Adora’s sweatshirt was still at the bottom of it. Biting her lip, she stared at it for another second or so before zipping her bag up and swinging it over her shoulder. 

As she trudged downstairs, she was greeted by the wails of baby Benny (or now that he was three, was he a toddler?) and Diego moaning about breakfast. She took a deep breath in before stepping into the kitchen. 

“Morning.” 

Unsurprisingly, Benny only regarded her for a moment before crying again, and Diego didn’t at all, continuing to whine at how ‘all his friends got tasty cereal’ while shovelling down whatever healthy alternative he was eating. Serenia glanced over at her and muttered something close to good morning. She already seemed like she was in a shitty mood, so Catra decided not to push it. They rarely conversed in the morning anyway, so Catra was used to being mostly ignored and just focused on eating her breakfast as quickly as possible, brushing her teeth then getting the fuck out of the house.

She dropped her bag to the ground with a thud, and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. “What’s for breakfast then?” she asked, pulling her phone from her back pocket and placing it on the table. 

“Cereal,” Serenia replied, back still facing Catra. 

Catra leant over the table to look at Diego’s bowl. Her face scrunched up at the sight of it. “That shit? I’ll pass.”

Serenia let out something which sounded close to a growl. “Language, Catrina.” 

Rolling her eyes, Catra muttered, “Calm down.” Then after another minute she asked, “You sure there isn’t anything else?” 

There was a clank. Serenia turned to face her. “No, there is not ‘anything else’, and as you can see, I’m making Benny’s food and we can’t afford much else at the moment, so unless you want to get a job to help or start cooking your own meals, I suggest you sit your ass down and eat what you’re given.” 

Diego snickered. Benny just continued crying after a brief pause. Catra glared at the both of them. Mostly at Diego since he actually knew what he was doing. Gritting her teeth together, she stood up slowly, picking her bag off the floor and grabbing her phone. 

“Actually, ‘m not hungry.” she said, making her way to the door.

Catra heard a sigh, footsteps, then felt a hand on her shoulder. “Catra, you can’t ride on an empty stomach—”

“I said, I’m not fucking hungry, okay?” she shrugged her off and stormed off to the bathroom. 

As she locked the door, she glanced back at her reflection and blinked, once, twice. Her hands clutched the sink as she let out a strangled groan. Mornings like these were definitely the worst. For a moment, she contemplated skipping the day, riding around the city of Bright Moon without a care in the world. But she wasn’t at Horde High anymore. She couldn’t afford to skip school. She grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth, quicker than usual and probably a little too harshly, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Once she’d cleaned the toothpaste around her mouth, she washed and moisturized her face, then put some lip balm on. 

Glancing in the mirror once more before leaving, she gave herself a little nod and headed out.

The bathroom wasn’t close enough to the kitchen that Serenia would try and force her to sit down again. And frankly, she’d probably assumed Catra had already left. However, she did have to go past the living room to get to the front door, and it being so early, Catra didn’t think she’d be awake yet, but—

“Catrina, were you going to leave without giving your Abuelita a kiss?” she heard a voice say.

Shuffling into the living room, she huffed. “No Abuelita, of course not.” Catra sat down next to her on the sofa.

Selene brought her hand up to stroke her cheek. Catra almost leaned into it, but she stopped herself.

“You know your Aunt is only harsh on you because she believes in you, honey?”

Catra scoffed. “I don’t think so.” She truly didn’t. Maybe that was because she never gave her a chance, but she also felt like Serenia had never given her a chance either. They never really talked more than what was necessary (although Catra could’ve argued that all the nagging was unneeded), and the rest of the time Catra avoided her. Even after all these years, Catra didn’t feel like she could trust her with anything, especially not anything about herself. Though, Catra knew that her resounding lack of trust in adults was really because of him. Serenia didn’t really have much to do with it.

As she moved away from her Abuelita’s touch, she noticed the smile on her face waver for a moment before she squeezed Catra’s hand. 

“Well, I cannot change your mind. But have a good day.”

Catra didn’t think she would, but she nodded nonetheless, giving Selene a kiss on the cheek. She got up to leave then, and just as she shut the front door her phone buzzed in her pocket. A Snapchat notification.

[Adora.gray - 7:20am]  

hey we’re still on today right? 

also I realised I gave you my number, but you never gave me yours

so,, maybe if you want to...

text me?

Catra decided not to respond to the messages on Snap, and rather to add Adora’s number and reply there. She added in her contact as grayskull and typed out:

[7:21am] yeah we’re still on dork

and now you have my number

happy?

Satisfied, Catra put an earphone in and hopped on her bike. Maybe today wouldn’t be catastrophically terrible after all. 

Part of Catra refused to believe this wasn't some sort of elaborate prank as she waited in the parking lot gripping the handle of her beat up bike a little too tightly. Part of Catra wanted to hop on said bike and peddle as far away from the parking lot as possible. But unfortunately, the more vocal part of Catra wanted to stay, wanted to see how this would play out. Even more worrying, she was kind of anticipating Adora’s arrival, the twisty feeling in her gut acting as an obvious indicator. This was Adora Grayskull after all. Though, as that particular thought invaded her mind, she quickly reminded herself she was just going to help her with some English work. No big deal. Nothing to be excited about.

Getting through the day had been difficult to say the least. Catra’s mind couldn’t help but wonder every so often when she should have been noting down what her teachers were saying. And at lunch, even as some of her ‘friends’ sat by her and tried to make conversation, her eyes had managed to lock onto Adora’s table once more, who, as per usual was laughing with all the princesses. She wondered what they could possibly be laughing about. Stupid things, like immature jokes—or people? Was she one of them? Had Adora mentioned her at all? Did she make fun of her? Was she just a joke to her, to all of them?

Catra took a deep breath and tried to pay attention to whatever-their-fucking-names were saying, but she couldn’t, instead she kept spiralling. Adora probably wasn’t laughing at her, she didn’t seem like that type of person (although one could never be too sure) was what Catra had realised. Chances are, she hadn’t mentioned Catra at all. She wasn’t exactly worth mentioning, not when she was still considered Horde scum. Not when everyone hated her.

Just like the day before, Catra threw away the rest of her food, appetite ruined. 

If Catra hadn’t been so wrapped up in her own thoughts and nerves, she most likely would’ve noticed Adora’s red truck only a few feet from her. The truck honked loudly, startling her, though she quickly recovered. Adora pulled up next to her, looking at her with a smug grin. 

“Grayskull.” Catra greeted her with an unenthusiastic wave.

For some reason, her smile only grew. “D’riluth, hey,” she said while getting out of her truck.

Today, Adora sported a white and gold hoodie and matching bottoms. Even her shoes were a pristine white. On someone else, Catra might have called the outfit tacky, obnoxious, but of course Adora Grayskull had managed to make it look good. Her cheeks felt hotter. 

“So…” Adora looked down at her feet for a moment. “How was your day?” she asked. Catra wanted to laugh, but she also felt her heart tug at the question. It was so innocent, so genuine.

She scoffed in reply. “That hardly matters, cut the shit Grayskull. How far is this place then?” 

“Oh, not too far at all.” Adora took a step forward, and Catra hardly registered taking a step back to keep the distance between them. Adora had though. “I can, uh, I can put your bike in the back, if that’s okay?” she said, gesturing to her truck with her thumb.

Of course. Catra felt stupid for not realising that Adora would be driving the both of them there. Her truck was obviously much quicker than her bike.

“Yeah sure, just, be careful with it.” She handed it over to Adora, who held it in one hand as if it weighed nothing. Catra felt that same twist in her stomach. 

Once Adora had secured the bike in the back of her truck, Catra got in first, fastening her seatbelt. Adora shut the door for her before going over to her own side. Before starting the truck, Adora glanced over at Catra, giving her a small smile. Catra thought it was only fair that she return it. At least this one time. 

“Ready?” Adora asked. Catra nodded and then they were off. 

The ride to Razz’s was short, just like Adora had said, and was mostly silent save a comment here and there, or a question Catra would just give a non committal grunt to. Now that she was in the familiar truck again, and Adora was being her dorky self, Catra's nerves had mostly calmed down, and it ceased to be awkward like it maybe should've been everything considered. 

Just as Adora finished parking by the diner, Catra remembered her bag at her feet, or more specifically, what was in it. She knew if she didn't give it back now that there was a chance she'd forget later. Possibly on purpose. And although the temptation to keep it was in some ways alluring, Catra refused to give into that side of herself and before Adora could get out, she held her hand up to stop her. 

“Uh...yeah?” Adora rose a brow. 

Catra reached down to grab her bag, unzipping it while Adora watched curiously. She pulled the sweatshirt out, throwing it onto her lap. For a moment, Adora still looked confused, then her lips parted a little, as if she was letting out a silent ‘oh’. 

“I meant to give it back to you the other day, but I forgot,” Catra lied. Adora didn’t need to know that she’d considered keeping it. 

Adora was silent for another second, staring down at her lap before looking up with a smile. “Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks.” She got out of the truck. Catra followed after her. 

Despite the fact she’d been back in Bright Moon for around a year now, it seemed there were still lots of places she didn’t quite know or recognise, this area being one of them. It was fairly quiet, most likely because it was a Tuesday afternoon and most kids were just leaving school now; it was also quite close to the woods, which Catra thought was an odd place to put a restaurant of any sort, but she’d learnt that Bright Moon had many quirks and it was easier not to question them. The sign (which read ‘Razz’s’) glowed an obnoxious purple despite the time of day and Catra looked over to Adora with a brow raised. 

“Huh...she must’ve forgotten to turn it off. Come on.” Adora carried on forward, but her answer to Catra’s silent question only left her more perplexed. 

Adora held the door open for her, and Catra rolled her eyes in response. 

Inside was larger than she’d thought it would be: there was a long row of booths; a counter with stools to sit at, and doors which she assumed led to bathrooms and the kitchen. The colour scheme was a mix of pink and black. There was familiar pop music on in the background, songs Catra could probably place if she listened for a little longer. Catra looked around to see that it was nearly deserted apart from one family, someone on their laptop and two people who looked like a couple. At least she'd be able to concentrate. 

“Pick a booth, I’ll be over in a minute,” Adora said before disappearing behind the bar. 

Catra watched her as she left, still slightly confused by what was happening. After a moment she slid into a booth however, and occupied herself for a few minutes on her phone, scrolling mindlessly through Twitter. When Adora came back she had two drinks in hand. She set them down, then sat opposite her. 

“I probably should have asked what you liked before getting you something, but hopefully you like it!” She pushed the drink over to Catra. 

“Dude, how much was it? I don’t wanna—”

“Free of charge,” Adora cut her off. Then she said with a smile, “Seriously, it’s fine, I work here. And like you said—I owe you.” 

“You work here?” Catra’s eyes widened a little. Adora nodded. It seemed like Catra might have been wrong about a few things after all (and possibly right about others).

She eyed the drink. Then she eyed Adora. Slowly, she reached for it and took a small sip from her straw. Adora just watched her the whole time which was intimidating, and odd, but somehow, Catra didn’t really mind. Catra wasn’t fussy with her drinks for the most part, in fact she happened to enjoy most sweet things, and this was—

“Is this strawberry? Because that’s like my favourite.” Catra let out a ‘Mmm’ and Adora laughed. 

“It is actually, I made ‘em myself. As for it being your favourite…lucky guess,” she said with a shrug, taking a sip of her own vanilla milkshake. 

“Impressive, Grayskull.”

For a few minutes, they both drank their milkshakes in silence. Adora had nearly finished hers and Catra was around halfway. Catra couldn’t help but notice that the whole time, Adora’s eyes never seemed to leave her face, but surely she was just imagining things, right? She was probably looking just past her, is what Catra told herself. Still, that didn’t stop her cheeks from heating up again or her words from getting stuck in her throat. 

Once she’d regained her ability to speak—and couldn’t stomach any more of her milkshake all at once—she pushed her glass to the side, and tilted her head, lips in a straight line. 

“What Grayskull? Is there shit on my face or something?” When Catra finally asked, Adora sat up a little straighter, and tore her eyes away from Catra’s. Maybe she was staring then. 

“Uh, no, no, not at all, it’s just, I didn’t say it before, or on Friday, but your eyes…” Adora shifted her glass on the table. 

Catra frowned. “Yeah, what about them?” she said sharply. 

Shaking her head, Adora said, “There’s nothing wrong with them! That’s not what I meant, not even slightly. I, uh, I think they’re really nice, that’s all.”

Catra blinked slowly. Adora Grayskull had just complimented her. About her heterochromia of all things. She tried to ignore the incessant pace her heart was beating at and cleared her throat. “Uh...thanks, I guess.” 

Adora scratched the back of her neck. “Yeah, no problem.” There was a pause where Adora took a long sip of her drink, and Catra couldn’t do anything but watch as she finished the last of it. “Should we, like, get started then?” 

Thankful that the conversation was moving on, Catra nodded, possibly a little too eagerly and watched as Adora rummaged through her bag for her notebook, a pen and a sheet of paper. She slid the paper over to Catra and she raised her brows at her. 

“You know we’re in the same class right? And that I’ve already done this task?” Catra asked with a hint of a grin on her face. 

“Well I thought that maybe you’d want to be, reminded or something?” Adora replied, ducking her head down to look at her empty page. 

Shaking her head, Catra took the paper, just to make Adora feel a little better, and maybe because she did need to be reminded of what essay Adora was supposed to be writing. Right now in class they were studying Shakespeare, much to many’s dismay, specifically Romeo and Juliet. They were supposed to submit an essay on one of the key themes in the play based on what they’ve read so far: Fate, Individuality vs Society, Violence, Emotional will and the most obvious one, Love. 

“What theme?” Catra asked, without looking up from the paper. 

“Huh?” Adora said as if she didn’t understand the question. 

She put the paper back down and looked at Adora. “You can’t write the essay if you haven’t chosen the theme you want to focus on, Grayskull.” 

Adora hummed, tapping her pen on her notebook. “Well, what’s…what’s the difference between them all?”

Catra held back a sigh. “C’mon now. The difference between fate and violence is pretty clear.”

“But don’t they all interweave in a way?” She wasn’t wrong. 

“Sure, yeah, like love as a cause of violence—but we have to focus on one okay? The one you wanna talk about is probably fate, so let’s go with that.” Catra had to stop herself from going on a rant about the play. Surprisingly, Catra had quite liked it, and once she’d written her essay over the weekend, she’d decided to read the rest of the play. At least now she was ahead of pretty much everyone else. 

Adora nodded, then looked at Catra as if she was waiting for her to go on. 

“Oh,” she said aloud. “Okay, so first, you’ll want evidence that you can talk about, quotes, then you need your overall point, something like ‘Shakespeare presents Fate in Romeo and Juliet through...’ blah blah. Got it?” 

Once more, she nodded, then she asked, “How do I choose good evidence? I feel like I never pick something that I have a lot to say about.” 

“Sometimes that’ll happen, so you just have to pick multiple. It strengthens your point by doing that as well. A good piece of evidence for fate is what the chorus says in the opening: ‘a pair of star cross’d lovers take their life.’ You can talk about how at the time people were superstitious and believed that their destinies were predetermined. Oh, and of course the fact the ending is revealed right from the start emphasises that even more.” Catra watched as Adora noted down what she was saying. 

Once she was done, Adora looked up, then bit her lip. “Will that be enough for half a page though?” 

Catra thought for a moment. “Nah, probably not. Do you have a copy of the play with you? We could—”

“Yeah, I do.” Adora went through her bag again and pulled out a worn copy. “Here.” She held out the book for her, but Catra hesitated.

“Actually,” Catra took a gulp before continuing, but then she noticed how dry her throat was, so she took a sip of her milkshake. “It would probably be easier if I, um, came and sat next to you, so we can look at it…together.”

Adora’s lips parted briefly, before she dropped her bag down onto the floor and moved up. “Yeah, of course, sure.” 

Catra got up, maybe a little too slowly, and slid into the same booth as Adora. She made sure to keep as much distance as possible between them, but seeing as they had to share a single copy of the book, it wasn’t much. They were practically leaning into each other, shoulders and arms touching. Trying to distract herself from that fact, Catra cleared her throat, turning her attention elsewhere.

“Hey, are you left handed?” she asked, noticing Adora tapping her pen. She nodded, and Catra’s lips twitched upwards. “Me too. Turns out we actually have something in common, Grayskull.” 

“Maybe...maybe we have more in common than you think,” Adora replied with a small shrug, looking into her eyes. Catra wished they weren’t so close. 

“Yeah. Maybe.” Catra stared back for a moment, and just like she had on Friday night, she felt herself being pulled in under Adora’s gaze; her blue eyes were bright, sparkling even, marvelling at Catra as if she were the sun itself—but no, that couldn’t be true, because she was nothing. Catra D’riluth was a nobody. She finally looked away, turning her attention to the book in front of her, and Adora caught on and did the same. 

After that, they continued as normal—though nothing abnormal had happened in that brief, awkward moment—with Catra being fairly patient and explaining quotes or ideas Adora hadn’t fully grasped yet; with Adora being an attentive listener, and of course with a few snarky, sarcastic comments (mostly from Catra) and a few stupid comments (all from Adora, who at one point had asked, “So, fate is a person who killed them?” and Catra couldn’t stop herself from grinning in amusement and replying, “Yeah, that’s definitely what happened.”)

After another hour and a half, they had finished the essay and were on their way to Adora’s truck. Catra’s house wasn’t far away from here, but she didn’t exactly feel like riding back (or going home at all after this morning) and she was sure that Adora, being the altruistic person that she was, would offer to drive her back anyway. Still, she didn’t want to assume, so she hung back awkwardly until—

“Are you gonna keep standing there D’riluth, or…?” Adora raised her brows, amused. 

Catra scoffed, getting into the truck, and doing her seatbelt up while Adora shut her in as always.

As Adora started the truck, Catra checked the time on her phone. Only six. It was still fairly early. Adora put on the radio, as if she knew Catra wasn’t in the mood to do any talking. However, as Catra got closer and closer to her destination, something was niggling in the back of her mind. They were less than minutes from being at Catra’s house now, and the feeling only worsened; her throat was tight and forcing the words out felt like pulling hair, yet she still said, quiet enough that the music nearly drowned it out: “I...I don’t wanna go home yet.”

“Oh. Okay.” was all Adora said, before taking a right turn instead of what should’ve been a left. She didn’t look over at Catra, which she was glad for as she sank a little more into her seat. Neither spoke. Adora just kept driving, and Catra just stared out of the window, watching houses, trees, unfamiliar faces go by. Just like Friday, the silence was filled with upbeat pop music, and Catra couldn’t help but feel that it was a stark contrast to the strange mood in the car. Why had she said that? And why had Adora Grayskull listened? 

A few more minutes of excruciating silence went by before Adora had pulled into a fairly empty supermarket car park. She lowered the music to the point it was barely audible, and a few seconds went by where once again neither seemed to be brave enough to say anything. When one of them did, it was unsurprisingly Adora. Catra was dreading what she had to say, what she was probably going to ask. 

“Thanks,” is the first thing she said. “For helping with the essay. Don’t think I could’ve done it without you.” 

Catra scoffed. “It’s nothing, don’t mention it, Grayskull.”

“You’re so modest, but you’re really smart.” Adora smiled, and the look on her face was so earnest, Catra almost wanted to believe the words she was saying.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she shook her head, but Adora only continued. 

“And you can dance, sing—smart and talented.” Adora said, and Catra opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find any words. 

Catra hadn’t mentioned any of those things in the few interactions she’d had with Adora, so how had she known? She wanted to ask, but knew she probably wouldn’t get an answer, so she just let out a small laugh. “You say that, but you should see me in math class.” 

Adora shifted in her seat, facing her. “You don’t like it?”

“Hate it.” Catra huffed. 

“Why? Do you have trouble with it?” Adora asked. Why she was so interested, Catra didn’t know, but she answered truthfully, seeing no point in lying.

“I just don’t get it. Especially with how my teacher explains it.” She shrugged. Netossa’s conversation about finding a tutor came back to her then. That certainly wasn’t going to happen. 

“Well…if you want, I could, uh, help with it? Math is like my best subject. So if you want, I could. I don’t mind.” Once again Catra was rendered speechless. 

“You don’t have to do that. Seriously. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me and—”

“Catra. I want to.” Adora leaned forward, and her face was oddly serious—determined. As if she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Let me help you.” she said softly. There was something about Adora Grayskull that Catra couldn’t say no to. So maybe she was just like every other idiot at Bright Moon High.

“Okay, yeah, sure,” Catra relented. 

“Great!” Adora said, again with one of those shameless, bright smiles.

“So, uh, when are you free?” she asked, because as reluctant Catra was to take Adora’s help, she really did need it. 

“Oh, um...I have practice tomorrow, so how about Thursday?” 

Catra nodded. “Thursdays good.” 

After that, the conversation moved to random things, like stories of them getting lost in large stores as kids (and teenagers), teachers they both found annoying, and the classes they were taking that they’d gotten away with sleeping in. It was nice. And for the second time in less than a week Catra realised that once again, Adora Grayskull was making her see that she hadn’t felt like this in awhile—content just talking and laughing about fairly mundane things and everyday occurrences. She hadn’t talked to someone like this, comfortably, in a long time. And the realisation of that scared her a little.

Time had flown by quickly in each other’s company, and even if Catra considered seven early, she knew that by Serenia’s standards it was way later than she should’ve been out on a school night, and after this morning, she didn’t need to get in more trouble.

“Hey, it’s getting kinda late, and you probably have shit to do instead of hanging out in a car park, so do you wanna…?” Catra gestured to the steering wheel.

“Oh, I didn’t even realise the time, but yeah, yeah, that’s true, you’re right. Let’s…” Adora trailed off, starting the truck’s engine again, and pulling out of the parking space. Once again, they fell into a comfortable silence, so comfortable Catra didn’t even feel the need to turn up the music. She just listened to the white noise, looking forward for the most part, though every so often her eyes would wander over to the girl next to her, and she would find herself watching how her hands gripped the wheels; how her brow would crease in concentration at times; how her jaw looked—then she would focus on the road ahead of them again. 

Sooner than she would’ve liked, they reached Catra’s house. She undid her seatbelt, and grabbed her bag, placing it in her lap. 

“Thanks, for the ride again, Grayskull,” she said, giving her a small smile.

“You’re welcome. Before you go, can…can I ask you something?” Adora turned to face her. 

Catra’s face fell. “What?”

“Well, it’s just—” Adora paused, tapping the steering wheel. “The other day, I dropped you off kinda late and I just, well I just I hope you didn’t get in trouble because of it or anything, because then I would feel kinda—I don’t know—”

“Hey, hey, Grayskull, calm down. I didn’t get in any real trouble, okay? Nothing more than usual.” Catra said with a grin, hoping it would be reassuring.

Instead, there was a look on Adora’s face that Catra couldn’t quite decipher. “Okay, that’s, that’s good.” The smile she gave her seemed more strained than usual. “Goodnight, D’riluth.”

Catra opened the truck door and climbed out. “Night, Grayskull,” she replied with a smirk. She slammed the door and swung her bag onto her shoulder. She went to the back of Adora’s truck to grab her bike, but realised she'd probably need help getting it out. Adora must have been watching her because a few seconds later she heard the click of the truck door and then Adora was at her side. 

“Need help?” she asked with a shit-eating grin.

Catra bit back a smile. “Sure, idiot.”

In a matter of seconds Adora had gotten the bike back onto the ground, and Catra tried not to look too impressed at her holding it with one arm. “Here,” she said, passing her the bike. 

As Catra took hold of the handlebars, their hands brushed. “Thanks.” She stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“See you tomorrow?” Adora asked, breaking the silence.   

“Sure you will. Now get home Grayskull.” 

Adora only smiled in reply before getting back into her truck.

Catra wasn’t sure if that was true, but part of her hoped it was as she watched Adora Grayskull drive away in her truck. And just for today, just this one time, she decided that was okay. 

Chapter Text

Once Catra got in, she tried to be as quiet as possible. She closed the door slowly so it wouldn’t slam shut, slipping her shoes off and tiptoeing to get to the stairs, but either she wasn’t quiet enough (which she refused to believe) or Serenia had been waiting for her to get back, because as soon as she set one foot on the first step, she heard a stern voice from behind her. 

“Catrina.” 

Sighing, she turned around and was greeted by her Aunt standing with her arms crossed, foot tapping against the floorboards. 

Catra gave her a wide smile, which only made Serenia frown more. 

She pointed to the kitchen. Catra’s face fell and shoulders slumped as she walked over to the other room, Serenia following behind. Collapsing into one of the chairs, Catra was silent for a moment, studying her. As per usual, she wore her dark hair in a messy bun and was still wearing her work clothes. She looked tired, though she always did—Catra supposed having a full time job and looking after two kids (and one pain of a niece) did that to you. Serenia was clearly waiting for her to speak, as she cleared her throat and took a step forward, towering over Catra a little more. 

Rolling her eyes, Catra said, “What do you want me to say? I know it’s a school night. I know I was out later than usual. But you’re not getting an apology—I’m not sorry.” 

Serenia scoffed. “You’re not sorry? Why is that? Is there a good reason or is it just because you like being insufferable?” 

Catra glared at her. “No, actually, it’s not, I—” she cut herself off. She had been helping Adora with her essay, then afterwards…

It didn’t matter anyway. So what if she sat in someone’s truck and talked for a while? There wasn’t anything wrong with that. Yet, even as she repeated that rational thought over and over, Catra still felt hotter than before. She lowered her head as she said, “I was helping a classmate with an English essay, okay?”

Serenia narrowed her eyes. “How am I supposed to believe that, huh?”

Slumping further in her chair and crossing her arms, Catra said, “It’s not my fault you don’t trust me.”

Serenia raised her voice. “Well you haven’t exactly given me many reasons to!” She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. Rubbing her temple, she sighed. “Listen, it’s late. I’m tired, you probably are too. I—I’m sure you’re not lying. But you can’t be out late without telling me. So just, text me next time? And no later than eight on a school night. And you better be staying out that late to study, unless you’ve done all your work. That’s final. Am I clear?”

Somehow Serenia looked even more exhausted than she did just minutes prior. Even as she was listing off all these demands at Catra, she looked just about ready to collapse. And as much as Catra hated to admit it, Serenia was right—she was tired as well. 

Pushing herself up in her seat, her gaze was fixed on the letters attached to the fridge (most definitely all bills) as she mumbled, “Fine.” 

Serenia’s brows rose, and she turned her head as if she didn’t hear. 

Teeth gritting together, Catra said, “I will okay? I’ll do all that, sure, whatever.”

Taking a step back, she nodded. “Okay then. Good. See you tomorrow.”

Catra stayed seated as Serenia turned to leave, watching her. However, once she got to the doorway, she stopped.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you this morning. And, uh, dinner’s in the microwave.” And with that she was gone. 

Something inside Catra stirred. But she shoved it down, back to wherever it came from. After a few minutes of staring into space, Catra finally got up, going over to the microwave. While warming the food up, Catra checked her phone notifications. She had one message.

grayskull

[7:25pm] hey just wanted to say thanks again for today! (:

hope I didn’t keep you out too late though 

Catra bit her lip. She closed the app. Then she opened it again. Taking a deep breath, she started typing out a response.

[7:36pm] it’s whatever 

and dw I didn’t “get in trouble” or anything

She knew that was technically a lie, but Adora didn’t need to know the specifics. Catra heard the microwave beep, and she knew her food was ready, but just as she was about to put her phone down, she saw that Adora was typing. 

[7:37pm] okay, good 

I’m looking forward to our Thursday session btw (: 

Catra felt her insides churn the same way they had when she’d been nervous about meeting up with Adora earlier today. She found herself swallowing down the excess saliva in her mouth. Why Adora Grayskull thought it was okay to say these things, Catra didn’t know. Why she had a problem with it was a mystery as well. But she didn’t, did she? Of course she didn’t, is what she told herself as she typed out her reply. No problem at all.

[7:39pm] session huh?

 if that’s how you wanna put it grayskull (;

[7:39pm] what? wdym?

Oh,,, no that’s not what I meant at all

I’m so sorry if it sounded like that

seriously I didn’t even think

...you’re messing with me, aren’t you?

;))

After that she decided to put down her phone, now that the short conversation was mostly over. She opened the microwave. Serenia had made her favourite. Not a bad way to end the day at all. 

Wednesday had been hard to get through for some reason. Every lesson seemed to drag on, and every time Catra looked at the clock the handle had barely moved. At around the halfway point of all of her lessons that morning, her eyelids had begun to grow heavy and she could feel herself slipping. No one nearby had bothered her though, which didn’t surprise her in the slightest. She was in her math class now, with only half an hour to go until lunch, and the little focus she had was quickly dwindling. She hadn’t even noticed her eyes closing, or her head falling forward until the person next to her nudged her foot. Despite it being a well meant gesture—their teacher was incredibly strict about focusing in class—Catra still all but hissed at them, throwing a dirty look their way. 

When she inevitably nodded off again, they didn’t try waking her up again. 

“Catra!” her teacher barked. 

She shot up immediately, ignoring the few snickers she heard. “Yeah?”

“It’s ‘yes, sir,’ not ‘yeah’,” he said as he walked over to her desk, then looked at her work. “And why are you so behind?” he asked. 

“Don’t get the questions.” She shrugged. Everyone was watching her.

“So you didn’t think to ask for help?” 

Catra just barely suppressed rolling her eyes. Her math teacher, Mr Johnson, wasn’t bad at his job, Catra just had a hard time with the subject in general, but it certainly didn’t help that he wasn’t the most approachable teacher. She had dealt with much, much worse of course, but by Bright Moon standards, where most teachers were too friendly, he was widely considered unlikable. 

Mr Johnson waited for a reply, and when he didn’t get one, he walked back over to his desk and wrote something down on a sticky note. Presumably her name. 

“I’ll see you after school,” was all he said before resuming the lesson. 

Catra didn’t bother arguing back, just sighed, picked up her pen and, to no avail, tried to catch up. She was practically overjoyed when the bell signalled the end of the lesson, packing up her stuff as quickly as possible and not sparing a single glance at her teacher or anyone else in the class. Maybe some food would make the last two periods (and that stupid detention) more bearable. 

Once she’d gotten her lunch, (just a sandwich and a pudding cup), she sat herself down at her usual table, a small one in the corner of the cafeteria, where her eyes could travel table to table, observing everyone else. The princesses table wasn’t too far from hers—in fact it was almost directly in Catra’s line of sight, which must have been why her eyes had consistently drifted over there for the past few days. 

It was becoming all too familiar now—eyes scanning the table, looking at each and every one of them sitting there, happily chewing their food, laughs and smiles all around; then eventually, always, getting to Adora, and watching her as she waved around her hands, animated, cracking what she can only assume are stupid jokes, laughing when someone said something back, the corner of her eye crinkling as she smiled. Catra knew because she’d seen it up close—Adora Grayskull had smiled at her, more times that she could count now. 

Unlike the other days however, today Catra felt something she hadn’t felt before, a sinking feeling deep in her chest. Like she was doing something wrong. Watching them from a distance like this. Watching her from a distance like this. Catra got up then, deciding to spend the rest of her lunch in the library. She went to put the remains of her pudding and empty sandwich box in the trash, which happened to be uncomfortably close to Adora’s table. Adora had her red letterman jacket on today, the school’s white and gold logo embroidered on the front of it. Catra hadn’t even realised she’d been staring until Adora turned her head from where she was sitting, and caught eyes with her. 

Shit.

Catra could’ve ran out then and there, denied ever looking even vaguely in Adora’s direction and gotten on with her day. But instead she stood there, looking like an idiot. She didn’t know what to expect from her, having only spoken to her for less than a week, and she was Adora Grayskull, which meant Catra had no business even glancing her way, according to some people. 

What Adora did next shouldn’t have surprised Catra at all, because golden girl or not, for some reason Adora didn’t hate her like everyone else seemed to. But it did anyway, as Adora waved at her, a smile plastered on her face.

Heart stuttering, Catra gave her a small wave back, but she definitely did not return the smile. She could already see her friends turning their heads to see who Adora was waving at, and as soon as Catra realised she practically bolted out of the room. If Adora hadn’t already mentioned her (which she highly doubted and hoped she hadn’t) then Catra wasn’t about to open herself up for scrutiny on her own accord. She’d already had enough to last her a lifetime. 

The rest of Catra’s lunch was quiet, uneventful. It should have been peaceful, but the unsettling feeling in her stomach never really ceased. That could've been because of the fact that she had English next, which meant an hour of sitting directly behind Adora Grayskull. It wasn’t often that they’d say anything to each other, especially because just a week ago they’d only interacted on a few occasions. But in the past couple days, even if it was as small as a smile when she entered the room, or asking her a question while the rest of the class were talking, it seemed like every lesson Adora made an effort to acknowledge Catra. However, after today in the cafeteria, the last thing Catra wanted was for Adora to even know she existed.

As she entered the classroom, Adora was already sitting in her seat, equipment out and tapping her pen on her copy of Romeo and Juliet. Catra tried to keep her head low as she passed her, avoiding any possible eye contact. It was all fine until she actually sat down, because then Adora decided to turn around (just as the lesson started, which was unlike her) and whisper:

“Hey D’riluth. You ran off at lunch, were you alright?” 

Catra opened her mouth, no words coming out at first. Then she cleared her throat and said, “Uh, yeah, just remembered I had an, uh, important thing.” 

Adora nodded, then was going through her jacket pocket, fishing out a pen that looked suspiciously like Catra’s. “I think you forgot this the other day. Here.” 

Even as she took the pen, Adora’s eyes didn’t leave Catra’s. “Oh,” was all she replied with. Adora just smiled and turned back around. Catra felt the unsettling feeling from lunch worsen.

Dance class was always good because it allowed Catra to let off some steam, and it didn’t require the amount of attention usually needed in a subject like math, or science. She was just supposed to move, follow the steps, stay on the beat, flow with the rhythm. And she could do all that. Catra was pretty good at it, in fact.

Some of the people there were okay as well. There were a few who had taken an odd liking to Catras snarky replies and observant nature, how easily she could pick up the steps of whatever new routine they were learning that week. The problem was that Catra hadn’t really taken a liking to them. Sometimes, she’d entertain them long enough to hold a semi-decent conversation, but most days she'd ignore them, only answering questions when absolutely necessary. There were also some old classmates she knew from Horde High—Lonnie and Rogelio. They didn’t talk. 

Others seemed to have more of a problem with Catra, especially the ones who were friends of her ex girlfriend, who’d graduated last year. It was stupidly petty, how every so often she would hear them not so subtly whisper her name when they were huddled around on their water break. What made it worse was how it actually got to her. How it made her chest seize as she heard the murmurs, the giggles. She didn’t know if she’d rather know what they were saying, or close her ears and remain ignorant to the rumours. The former always managed to be the default, whether she liked it or not. 

So far however, she hadn’t seen anyone cast an odd glance her way, and there was only a few minutes left before they’d get back to dancing. That thought eased Catra a little, as she took a gulp from her water bottle, sitting against the wall. Then, a boy she’d never once talked to who was sitting nearby with his friend (his name might have been Josh), turned to her, with a smile on his face. 

“Yo, Catra.”

She looked at him, mouth in a straight line. “What?” 

“Me and my friend were just talking about whether we’d want to fuck Dakota Johnson and I wanted to ask what you think?” He showed her a picture on his phone of some generic, yet good looking actress, or singer. Catra didn’t recognise her.

Catra scoffed. “What makes you think I care about who you wanna fuck?”

“Hey, chill, I thought that we, y’know, played for the same team,” he replied with a grin, like this was his motive all along, and even though this had happened more times than she could count in the past few months, Catra’s heart still sped up, her palms still felt clammy, and her stomach still dropped. 

“Yeah, didn’t you go out with that one senior who just graduated?” His other friend started saying. “I remember she said that you guys—”

“Shut the fuck up.” She cut him off, gripping the bottle in her hand tightly. Not able to sit down anymore, she got up, and the two boys did shortly after. 

Putting up his hands as if it was all a joke and stepping forward, Josh let out a little laugh. “Woah, easy. We’re not judging. If anything, it’s pretty hot.” 

Catra pushed down the urge to launch herself at him in that moment, not only because she was in a room full of a bunch of people, one being a member of staff, but also because the words reminded her of an even worse time. A distant memory. Her head was already spinning as she pushed past him, grabbing her bag and sweatshirt and getting as far away from him—from the whispers, from the rumours, from everything—as fast as she could. That was how she found herself in a toilet stall, eyes stinging, breath heavy and clutching onto her bag as she tried to push down all the memories she’d tried to repress over the past year. All the accusations, all the insults, all the remarks that had been thrown her way back at the Horde. All the people she’d seen beaten up, hurt, because they were like her. She was lucky she could defend herself, that even though she didn’t have real friends, she had people in her corner willing to back her up. Not everyone was as lucky as her.

She screwed her eyes shut, and let out a strangled groan. Rationally, she realised Bright Moon was nothing like Horde High, and that even though there were a few idiots, a few shitty people, that she’d never have to endure anything like that again, but still—why couldn’t people just mind their own business?  

“Hello? Is someone in here?” she heard a voice say. The voice sounded familiar, and for a moment she couldn’t place why but then—

“Are, uh, are you alright?” 

Catra’s eyes shot open again. It was Adora Grayskull.

She didn’t trust herself to say the right thing, nor did she want Adora to see her in this state, so she did the only thing that made sense to do—nothing, in hopes she’d get the message and go away. It had been a few seconds of silence now, but Catra still hadn’t heard the sound of the door. 

Clearing her throat, Adora then said, “Well…I hope you’re alright. See ya.” 

Catra shook her head and muttered, “Dork,” as she heard the click of the door. She ended up staying in the stall for the rest of the period, music blasting in her ears, calming her down considerably. And as much as she hated to admit it, Adora’s brief presence had also been a welcome distraction to her spiralling thoughts. 

Once the brief fog cleared however, Catra couldn’t wait for the day to be over.

Unlike the rest of her day, Catra's time in detention happened to fly by, and she'd managed to get through it without earning another one, which would’ve been a struggle for her in the past. Though, Mr Johnson had held her up at the end to tell her that if she was struggling that she should say next time instead of guessing the answers (like she had in her last piece of homework) but she'd just nodded in reply, eager to get out of the building. Catra didn’t have a substantial amount of work to complete today, and since most of it was due next week, she thought that maybe she’d spend some of her afternoon riding around town.

She had to pass the sports field to get to the bike shed, which reminded Catra that the lacrosse team was probably practicing right now. Which meant Adora was practicing right now. Completely on their own accord, Catra’s eyes wandered over to the pitch. She’d never paid much attention to the sport and had little to no clue how the rules worked, but from the looks of it they were doing some sort of drill, passing the ball back on forth in pairs. Adora seemed to be leading the drill—she was captain after all—shouting words of encouragement and feedback.

Catra had hardly registered the fact she’d been standing, or the fact that she had been watching Adora—no, the drills—so intently until someone shouted, “Watch out!” Instinctively, she ducked onto the ground, having grown used to dodging things (mostly punches) over the years. Her hands scraped against the ground hard, and she hissed. But it was better than the alternative, which she assumed was getting hit by a ball in the face. She was about to get up and go about her day, hoping no one had paid much attention, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

Looking up, Catra squinted, only to realise she didn’t have to as the sun was blocked by none other than Adora Grayskull towering over her, with her mouth open wide and brows creased. Catra wondered why the universe seemed to hate her today. 

“Oh my god, Catra, are you okay? I’m so s—”

“S’fine, the ball didn’t hit me, don’t worry.” She tried to shrug Adora’s hand off her, but her grip only tightened as she helped her up. Not wanting to make more of a scene than she already had, Catra let her, then put some distance between them. Adora however, seemed intent on doing the opposite. She was probably trying to crowd her to make herself look good in front of all these people, was Catra’s first thought. But the concern in her eyes didn’t seem to be for show. 

“Are you sure? You hit the ground pretty hard.” Adora examined her for a second, and even after being under Adora’s scrutiny plenty of times now, it still made her jittery, unsettled in a way she couldn’t explain. Not only that, but Catra was sure the rest of the team were watching them too—and Scorpia was on the team. 

She nodded hastily, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. “Yeah, I’m good, just scraped my—” she cut herself off as she saw panic spread across Adora’s face. 

“You scraped your hands?” Adora grabbed Catra’s wrist, quick enough that she couldn’t stop her. She sucked a breath in through her teeth. “Wait here, I can get you a bandage.” 

Catra grabbed hold of Adora’s arm before she could run off. Adora’s muscles tensed slightly in her hold, which was when Catra had realised what she had done and let go, taking a step back. “Seriously, you don’t have to do that, you have to get back and I—It’s fine okay?” 

“But you’re literally bleeding.” 

She looked down and realised Adora was right. Maybe because Catra was used to worse, this was just a little scratch to her. Though obviously, Adora didn’t see it that way. Sighing, she said, “Fine. Just be quick, Grayskull.”

Adora flashed her a crooked smile (the one she had almost grown used to seeing in the past few days) walking backwards as she said, “Gotcha!” before running across the field for the medical supplies. All Catra could do was shake her head with the faintest smile on her lips as she watched Adora run back and forth in record time. 

However, she couldn’t help but feel self conscious knowing that she had single handedly stopped their practice. Although the coach had taken over and was getting the rest of the players back on task now, their attention was still partially on Catra. She tried to look unbothered, looking at her nails, inspecting the chipped paint, but she couldn’t even do that for too long because her hands did hurt more than she thought they would. After that, she just kept her eyes to the ground, and anyone she did catch staring, a scowl usually did the trick to make them stop. 

Soon Adora was back by her side anyway, pouring water from her bottle onto her hands and insisting she help her wrap her bandage. Catra gave into each and every request, although reluctant, even if it was for her own good. As Adora applied Vaseline onto the scrape (apparently it was supposed to let it heal faster) with her fingers, Catra felt her face heat and heart stutter as her hands so delicately rubbed it in. Apart from her Abuelita—who didn’t really count—she couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her so gently. And just like with everything it seemed, Adora did it with so much focus, biting her lip in concentration. It reminded Catra of Adora just the other day, at Razz’s, trying to figure out how to embed her quotes in the sentence so it would flow right. Adora looked up then, but she didn’t say anything. She just stared, right into Catra’s soul, lips slightly parted, hand still wrapped around her wrist, with the sun shining behind her, illuminating her. Catra had to look away, taking a gulp. When she did, Adora cleared her throat, grip loosening until she was no longer holding onto Catra’s wrist.

They applied the bandages in silence. Once they were done, Catra had never wanted to leave more than now. But, she knew it’d probably be rude to without even so much of a thanks. She settled on a snarky remark. “Maybe we can avoid all this next time if you guys played better.” 

Adora laughed. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell ‘em. I gotta get back now, coach doesn’t seem too happy. I’ll see you tomorrow though? Are we still on after school?”

“Course Grayskull. I’ll see you then.” Catra gave her a wave. 

“Great! Later D’riluth.” Adora ran back onto the court, and Catra’s eyes lingered for a little longer than they should have.

Just as she was about to turn away from the sports field and put this whole day behind her, she locked eyes with the last person she wanted to: Scorpia. She was sitting on the bench, clutching onto a water bottle. Catra wanted to pretend she hadn’t seen her at all, but she seemed stuck in place. The last time Scorpia had looked at her, her expression had been undecipherable, blank, removed. A little melancholy too. Catra didn’t know what that meant. She probably wouldn’t ever know. Now however, the look on Scorpia’s face wasn’t any of those things. She was too far away to fully tell, but if anything Scorpia just looked perplexed, curious as to what Catra was doing here. Just like the rest of the team.

Catra didn’t have any more time to ponder it over as her phone buzzed in her pocket, distracting her. It was Serenia calling. 

“Yeah?” Catra said. 

She heard Serenia sigh on the other end of the phone. “No hello? No hi?” 

“Hi Serenia…” 

“Better. I need you to pick up a few things for me, and get your Abuelita’s prescription at the pharmacy. I put some money on your account and messaged you what I need.”

Catra knew there was no point arguing, especially when they’d just gotten on better terms. “Yeah, sure.” She hung up the phone promptly. 

She spared one last glance at the field, at Adora Grayskull, before getting to her bike and, finally, getting the fuck out of school. Catra was glad that the day was finished.

Once again, as Catra waited by their usual meeting place (they’d only met in the school parking lot twice but that seemed like enough to constitute it as the ‘usual’) she felt the same jittery, anxious feeling she’d felt before. She had no reason to be, it’s not like Adora wouldn’t show, not when she seemed more enthusiastic than she should’ve been to help Catra with math. But, it had already been seven minutes, and Adora’s truck was nowhere to be seen, because this time Catra had actually checked, and what if—?

“Hey!” Adora waved from across the lot then jogged over. “Sorry, I got held up in my last class. Hope you didn’t have to wait too long.” 

“Nah, you’re good.” Catra‘s gaze flickered down to Adora’s outfit. She still wore that obnoxious varsity jacket, with a white hoodie underneath it and grey jeans to accompany it. Catra, on the other hand, wore a red windbreaker and black leggings.

“Aren’t you warm with that hoodie on?” Catra asked, because the weather was still fairly nice for September. 

Adora shook her head, lips twitching upwards. “I run pretty cold. So.” She shrugged, stiff and dorky like just a week before, on that Friday night. The memory of it forced Catra to bite back a smile. 

“So Grayskull, where's your truck? I looked out for it but—”

“Oh, yeah, my bad, I, uh, didn’t drive it to school today.” Adora replied, almost jumbling the words as she said them so quickly.

Catra could tell something was off, but she’d only properly spoken to this girl for a week. She wasn’t about to ask her what she may or may not be hiding. Instead, she just asked, “So where are we headed?”

Adora’s fingers played with the strap hanging from her bag as she said, “I, uh, I was thinking we could just go to the library?” Her voice sounded unsure, wavering as if she didn’t think Catra would say yes. Catra was having a hard time grasping that this was the same girl as yesterday who refused to let her leave before bandaging her scraped hands. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’m cool with that.” If anything, it was better than going to Razz’s because that meant Adora wouldn’t be helping her with her work and giving her free drinks. Adora nodded then, turning around and heading for the building entrance.

Walking side by side with Adora Grayskull in the halls of Bright Moon was strange. Thankfully there weren't too many people around, but one odd look forced her to walk just a couple of paces behind, instead of next to, Adora. The latter was much more incriminating.

Once they’d gotten to the library, Adora held the door open for her, like she had the other day at Razz’s, and instead of rolling her eyes this time she scoffed. 

Seeing as it was a Thursday after school, the library was extremely quiet, with the few students who were there scattered across the room, working diligently on whatever they were doing. 

Adora didn't seem like the type to go to the library often, and Catra's assumption was only proven right when she looked around, overwhelmed by all the seating options. Catra did roll her eyes then, overtaking her and signalling her to follow. Catra, on the other hand, did spend a lot of time in the library. Although she'd never openly admit it, reading was actually a pass time she found she quite enjoyed. And also everyone here, for the most part, minded their own business. 

She took them past shelves and shelves of books before getting to her spot—a round table that just about seated two, half hidden behind a small bookshelf. It was one of Catra’s favourite places in the school.

The chairs were soft, with arm rests too, and Catra could tell Adora was surprised at how comfy it was.

“I've, like, never been to this part of the library before. Wow,” she said, eyes sparkling in wonder. 

“Well, your loss. I've known about this place for ages,” Catra replied, pulling a pen, the questions and a notebook out of her bag. 

They quickly got to work, no milkshakes or people around to distract them, as well as having the added fear that if they were too loud the ruthless librarian wouldn’t hesitate to kick them out. Mr Archer was fairly fond of Catra however, and would probably let her off with a warning. Still—the less they talked the better. 

Catra slid over the question paper, much like Adora had done with her, but Adora insisted it was easier to just move their chairs closer. With little space to manoeuver around and the fact the chairs were fairly bulky, she did so with much difficulty, but once she did, their arm rests were pressed against each other, their knees were close to coming into contact and Adora was leaning in so much as she wrote down the steps onto Catra's page, that it was as if she'd forgotten her own arm rest existed. Catra forced her gaze on the page and the page only, watching as Adora's scraggly handwriting went through the steps of the function question. 

Even Adora's arm had proved a distraction at times, as she had taken off her varsity jacket and rolled up her hoodie sleeves, putting her prominent veins on display. Catra briefly wondered what it would be like to trace them, before chastising herself for the thought. Distractions aside, Adora was an extremely good tutor. They'd only gone through one question so far in the short amount of time they'd been there, but Adora was patient and considerate (to a point it annoyed Catra), breaking things down step by step, explaining each in detail slowly, constantly checking in with Catra to see where she was at. Once Adora finished explaining the first question, she handed her the pen and insisted Catra attempt one now that she had a better understanding. 

She hesitated as she looked at the question, but Adora nudged her shoulder and said with a small smile, “Hey, it's okay, you can do this. And if you get stuck, I can help. That's what I'm here for.” 

The hardy expression Catra usually wore softened for a moment, but it was so brief she hoped Adora hadn’t noticed. But something about the way Adora bit back a smile made her think she had. Catra nodded in response and put all her focus into the question. She’d managed to do the first question with little help, Adora only nudged her in the right direction near the end when she had to rewrite the answer and replace the x. 

“Great job D’riluth,” she said and Catra mumbled a small thanks. It wasn’t often that she received praise from other students. 

The last few questions were a little harder, but Adora was there to talk her through the parts she was still having trouble with. They had nearly finished it when a loud ringing noise cut Adora off, and she quickly fumbled to grab her phone from her varsity jacket which had been put on the back of her chair. 

Catra watched Adora’s face fall for a moment as she picked up the phone.

“Hey!” she said, loud enough there was a distant ‘shh’ and she winced, lowering her voice. Catra sank back in her chair, eyes flitting between her work and Adora, then ultimately focusing on Adora. The voice on the other line was fairly loud,  but not clear enough to make out what they were saying. 

“…what, today? I thought…now?” Adora’s leg bounced up and down under the table, and her eyes seemed to be focused on a specific spot in front of her. “Well, I’m, uh, kinda busy. In the library…okay, okay, sorry Glim, I’ll be there in five.” Adora hung up the phone and shoved it back into her jacket pocket.

“You have to go?” Catra asked, although it sounded less like a question and more like a statement.

Adora nodded solemnly. “I’m so sorry. I was supposed to meet with my friends but I could have sworn it was later today and—”

“Hey, it’s cool. I get it. Happens.” It had never happened to Catra. But that wasn’t a surprise.

“Could we, maybe, like, reschedule? I’m free Saturday—unless you have things you'd rather be doing, I’m sure you have a life outside of school, and uh...math.” Adora scratched the back of her neck. 

Catra let out a short chuckle. Unfortunately, Adora couldn’t be any more wrong. “Saturday’s fine, Grayskull.” 

“Okay, well, I’ve really gotta go, but we can sort out the rest of the details over text?” Adora was packing up her things, getting up hastily but still trying not to disturb the few people around them.

“Yep.” Catra waved her off, watching her until she disappeared past the rows of shelves.

Once she was gone, Catra finally realised what she’d just agreed to. She was going to see Adora Grayskull on a Saturday. Catra wasn’t sure whether she was dreading or anticipating the weekend. 

When she got home, Catra checked her messages, unsurprised to see that Adora had sent her another apology in text form. She scoffed, leaving the message unanswered. On Friday, apart from in the few classes they shared, she didn’t see Adora much at all, but when she did she made sure Adora didn’t see her. After school, she got a new message from Adora.

grayskull 

[4:30pm] hey, you okay? I didn’t see you around at lunch today

also, what are we thinking about meeting around 4?

[4:45pm] yeah I’m fine

and sure

[4:46pm] okay, I was just checking

and great! we could go to Razz’s again

or if you’d prefer maybe your house?

The thought of Adora Grayskull in her house, in this room, made Catra’s stomach flip for a multitude of reasons. 

[4:51pm] nah Razz’s is fine

[4:51pm] cool, I’ll see you then! (:

When Catra got to Razz's she instantly spotted Adora's obnoxiously red truck from the parking lot and felt a little more at ease knowing she was definitely there already. She headed inside, and much to her dismay, it was a lot busier than when they had come on Tuesday afternoon. Catra spotted the booth she and Adora had sat in then, finding it empty. Sliding into the booth, she pulled out her phone, wondering whether or not it was worth messaging her. She decided against it—better not to look too eager. 

A couple minutes into playing Tetris, Catra looked up for a moment and was greeted by Adora wearing what could only be her work uniform: a black polo with a purple ‘Razz’s’ logo on the chest, leggings and a black cap with the same logo. Despite the hat, she still wore her staple ponytail. 

“Nice uniform, Grayskull.” Catra smirked. 

Adora only rolled her eyes in response before gesturing for Catra to shuffle over. “Yeah, well it could be worse,” she said with a huff as she took off the hat. A few locks of hair framed her face, instead of it all impeccably tied back. Once she was settled in the booth, she turned to look at Catra. 

“What?” Catra said, shifting in her seat.

“Oh, I just, uh, I was just—do you want a milkshake?” Adora asked, pointing her thumb to the kitchen. 

Catra bit the inside of her cheek. She was kind of thirsty after riding here, but she knew Adora wouldn’t ask her to pay and she didn’t just want to take it. 

“We could, maybe, share if you like? I could get us two straws.” Adora’s fingers tapped a steady rhythm on the desk as she spoke. 

Taken aback by how she had practically read her mind, Catra opened and closed her mouth, searching for the right words. “Um…yeah, I guess, yeah. Sure.”

As soon as Adora heard the word yes, she was up again. “Great! Do you want a strawberry milkshake again or…?”

“Surprise me,” Catra said with a grin. 

Adora smiled back. “I won’t be long,” she said before going into the kitchen. 

Catra went back to playing Tetris as she waited, and Adora came just as she lost the game. She placed the glass between them, then peered curiously at Catra’s phone. 

“Is that Tetris? I love that game!” she said as she sat back down next to Catra. 

“Oh, nice, what’s your highest score?” Catra asked, and was genuinely interested to know, if not only to feed her ego. 

“Hmm, like forty thousand?” Adora replied, hand on her chin. 

Catra smirked. “Only? Try two hundred thousand.” 

Adora’s jaw dropped. “Really? How is that possible?”

“Skill. That’s what makes it possible Grayskull,” she said smugly, grabbing the milkshake and taking a sip from her straw (she had claimed the red one). She didn’t want to take too long of a sip, but she’d been more parched than she realised, and of course, it tasted delicious. “Banana?” 

Adora nodded, taking the glass for herself and having a much longer sip. 

That’s when Catra realised how eerily similar this would have been to a date if it wasn’t for the fact they were doing algebra, and her stomach seemed to turn in response. She cleared her throat then, getting the work out of her bag, along with a pen. 

“Should we, uh, get started then?” Catra said before she could dwell on her thoughts for any longer. 

By the time they’d mostly finished Catra’s homework, it was nearly six and she was so tired of looking at numbers they’d decided to throw in the towel. She only had two questions left, and Adora reassured her that she would definitely be able to do them. And if she got stuck, she could just call her. The thought of calling Adora Grayskull and hearing her voice from her phone was an odd one.

The conversation drifted away from math very quickly. Adora brought up Tetris again and Catra was determined to show her up. They ended up taking turns playing on Catra’s phone, and Adora was extremely chatty while Catra was playing (which wasn’t a problem in the slightest, because she was that good), asking her trivial questions like her favourite school subject—Social science or English—favourite colour—red, obviously—and favourite sport—she didn’t have one, not unless dancing counted, which Adora supposed it did. Catra wasn’t as good at upholding a conversation while Adora played, who had to concentrate a lot harder, and she preferred to make smart remarks and tease her over the game anyway. But after Adora had made such an effort, Catra thought it was only fair she tried.

“So…” Catra tried to think of something to say, then noticed Adora’s uniform again. “How often do you usually work here?”

“Oh, Razz lets me take shifts whenever, but usually on some evenings after school and weekends when I can.” Adora said, still looking down at the screen. “Then over breaks I tend to work most—shit! I could have got a combo…”

Catra snickered a little, and was tempted to say something about Adora’s lack of skill (her excuse was that apparently she hadn’t played in a while) but something compelled her to say instead: “Isn’t that, like, a lot? With being the captain of the team as well?”

Adora’s blocks reached the top of the screen. “Yeah, well…I have to.” She restarted the game.

Catra didn’t bother telling her that it was technically her turn again—it was clear she’d hit a nerve. “So, what’s like, some of the shittiest customer experiences you’ve had?” she asked, trying to move on from the topic.

“Ugh, so many! People are the absolute worst,” Adora said with a groan.

“You’re not wrong, Grayskull. People do suck.” 

Adora put Catra’s phone down then, pausing the game. “You’d think in this area of Bright Moon that everyone would be all nice and respectful but nooo! Like, I thought all the annoying entitled people would prefer Starbucks or something, but apparently not.” Adora did these large gestures that had Catra stifling a laugh. “They ask stupid questions like ‘is this completely natural?’ and ‘there isn’t whole milk in this right?’ it’s literally a milkshake, dipshit, just drink it.”

Catra did laugh then, not just a dry chuckle, but a real squeaky one, and Adora laughed along with her. Somewhere along the line she realised this was the second time in such a short time period that she had genuinely laughed, with someone, and that once again that someone was Adora Grayskull. 

Adora continued after they’d gotten out most of their laughs. “I think the worst one was this one guy who wasn’t even a paying customer…”

“How'd he manage that?” Catra asked, curious. 

“Well, he just snuck into the kitchen and drank all the milk,” Adora said, lips twitching upwards. 

“Dude, seriously? No way!” 

“Yeah, for real. I have a picture actually.” Adora went to get her bag in the break room. When she came back, she pulled out her phone and scrolled for a little while before finding the picture. 

Catra was slightly confused as to what could be so interesting about a picture of a thief, but she was intrigued enough to indulge Adora. She finally turned the phone to Catra, and as soon as she saw the picture, she gasped and her eyes widened. The thief wasn’t human—it was a cat. 

Adora must’ve been waiting for Catra’s reaction, because she said, “Oh my god, does Catra D’riluth have a soft spot for cats?”

Crossing her arms defensively, Catra said, “No I don’t! I—Shut up.”

“It’s true.” Adora said in a singsong voice.

“Grayskull, I will find out where you live and egg your house.” Catra pointed, threatening her, but Adora only laughed.

“Sure you will. That was fun though—egging your ex’s house.” Adora smiled.

Catra could have easily said it wasn’t, or just avoided answering entirely, but once again, her brain seemed to betray her, seemed to give into the gray blue eyes in front of her, beaming back at her hopefully. “Yeah. It was,” she replied with a small smile of her own. 

“Hey, do you wanna, maybe, get out of here?” Adora asked.

Catra hesitated. Maybe because she still didn’t understand what Adora was getting out of spending time with her; maybe because she wanted to more than she realised; maybe because of the churning in her gut. But, it was a Saturday after all, and it wasn’t as if she had anything better to do. 

“Yeah. Lets.”

It was just past seven when they had ended up in a quiet parking lot again in Adora’s truck. There was an odd layer of tension in the air, Adora’s mind seemed preoccupied while she was driving, talking less than she usually would have. The silence didn’t necessarily bother Catra, but it did perplex her.

Possibly a minute of silence had gone by, this time with no radio to fill it. Adora had said it was broken. She didn’t strike Catra as the reckless type, or, at least not with her own things. 

She noticed Adora tapping the wheel in a clear rhythm. “Catra…can I ask you something?” she asked, finally filling the silence.

Catra scoffed. “Can I say no?”

“Well, if you really want to,” Adora replied, facing forward. 

With a sigh, she said, “Fine. Ask me.”

Adora shifted then, and Catra saw out of the corner of her eye that she was now facing her. Catra still looked forward, out of the window. She didn’t know what to expect from Adora, and braced herself for the worst. Though part of her knew Adora would never purposely overstep. 

“How d’you deal with all the rumours? All the lies people tell? I don’t think I could.”

And, oh. That wasn’t nearly as bad as what Catra had imagined in the short few seconds of space in between. She thought for a moment, then said, “Well, most of ‘em aren’t even true. Even the ones that are aren’t completely right. You just learn to ignore ‘em.

“Though I guess sometimes…” Catra trailed off. She didn’t need to spill her guts out to her after all.

“Yeah?” Adora said, voice soft as she leaned in a little, urging her to go on.   

She bit her lip, but after a moment she continued. “Sometimes it’s hard. But nowhere can be as bad as the Horde was, especially not prissy Bright Moon.”

Adora smiled. “Yeah, I guess. Do you like Bright Moon City though?”

Catra turned to look at her fully. “I actually grew up here. I moved to the Fright Z—to Frighton when I was twelve. So, it feels kinda nostalgic at times. But I mostly hate it. Everything in the upper city is too expensive, like, a day out there is seriously an attack on your bank account.”

“You’re so right,” Adora said, laughing. Though after a moment, she sobered up. “Do you, uh…do you want to ask me something? You can. I don’t mind.”

Catra didn’t want to pry, to accidentally say something she shouldn’t, like she had done earlier. “Nah. You seem like a pretty open book. Can’t imagine you having any skeletons in your closet.”

“Can I ask something else then?” Adora asked, and while one question seemed acceptable, the right amount of curious, two seemed overboard. 

“Why?” Catra said. She really didn’t understand the point of it all. 

“Well I—I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.”

“I mean, I guess—”

“Adora.” Saying the name aloud felt foreign on her tongue. “Why do you want to?” 

“Because…because I just want to. I like learning things about people.” Adora said, her jaw set in a line of determination. 

Catra didn’t think she was very interesting, or that someone like Adora should care about her. But she was slowly learning that Adora didn’t behave, or act like everyone else. “Go ahead then.” This time she wasn’t as worried as to what she would ask.

“Are you an only child?”

Once again, the question was even tamer than she’d expected it to be. Catra responded with, “Yeah, are you?” Although, it hardly felt like it with Diego and Benny around. But there was a time when it was just her. Just her and…The thought made her chest pang. 

“Same. I kinda wish I had a sibling though. A younger one would be nice,” Adora said with a sigh. 

Catra scoffed, saying, “Trust me, younger kids are not.” 

Adora gave her a baffled look. “I thought you…?”

“Little cousins. Two of them—I live with my aunt.” Catra replied quicker than usual, and the pang in her chest only seemed to grow. She turned to face the window then, which probably didn’t help to convince Adora that she was fine. She just hoped that Adora wouldn’t question why she had to live with her aunt.

There was a pause where it seemed like Adora didn’t know what to say. Catra couldn’t blame her. “How old are they?” she asked eventually.

“Who?” Catra asked absentmindedly, glancing over at her.

“Your cousins,” Adora clarified. 

Oh. That’s what she wanted to know? Catra could work with that. “Three and thirteen. Both demons in their own way.”

Adora made a hissing sound. “Ouch D’riluth, harsh.” 

Catra let out a chuckle. “Yeah, well, you try living with them. Sucks.”

“Do you, uh, get along with your aunt?” 

“Not really. We just don’t really get each other.” Once again, Catra didn’t have to feel the need to lie. It was as simple as that. With some details that weren’t worth mentioning. 

“Razz—the woman who owns the diner—is actually my great aunt, that’s why she’s so nice about the shifts,” Adora said with a small smile. 

“Oh, cool,” Catra replied, unsure at what to say to that. 

Realising the conversation was dwindling, Adora tried to bring it back. “So, what do you usually do on weekends?” 

Catra’s mind blanked. She genuinely couldn’t think of anything worth sharing. Nowadays, most weekends she hardly left the house. “Uh…not much really. I, um, like to watch shows, like Netflix and stuff.” 

“Cool, what kind of shows?” Adora asked, seeming genuinely interested. 

“A lot of like, dramas and stuff. True crime is cool. Oh—and, uh...cartoons.” Catra had to stop herself from cringing at her answer. She didn’t usually admit that to people (though it’s not as if anyone would be interested to know), but she’d already told her much more personal things and doubted Adora would make fun of her for it. 

In fact, it was completely the opposite. “Dude, I like, love watching cartoons!”

Practically Adora’s whole body was facing her; her gaze was steady, never wavering, and her eyes lit up at the confession. Catra couldn’t keep eye contact with her for long before she felt her cheeks begin to heat. Yet despite this, something about Adora was oddly comforting. Safe. She didn’t feel the need to lie like she did with most people. Somehow, Adora Grayskull with her off and on again confidence and goofy smile and animated hand gestures had managed to dismantle some of Catra’s walls. Though that thought brought Catra little to no comfort, for now she enjoyed Adora ranting about her favourite shows, and they continued talking, laughing until it had grown considerably darker outside. 

Before they set off, Catra sent a message to Serenia to ensure she wouldn’t be on her back once she got home. The ride home was comfortable, and Catra was pretty content looking out the window and listening to Adora hum along to the song playing from her phone. Once Catra reached her house, Adora helped to take Catra’s bike from the back of the truck, handing it back to her with a smile. Catra only rolled her eyes in response, but felt her lips turn upwards too. Adora made her promise to call if she got stuck on the last two questions, which Catra reluctantly agreed to, and they arranged to meet again come Tuesday so Catra could help Adora with some more English work. 

Catra watched Adora drive off before heading to her house, and even once she was gone, she still had a smile lingering on her lips. It’s only when she got up to her room after a late dinner that the realisation hit her, although slightly overdue and having been entirely obvious the whole time: she actually enjoyed today. Catra D’riluth had enjoyed Adora Grayskull’s company. She groaned as she collapsed into bed. 

It was a Monday morning, and Catra was back in Netossa’s office. Although it had only been a week, Catra supposed a lot of things had changed. 

“First of all, how was your weekend?” she asked. 

Catra kept her gaze fixed on her pencil pot. “Not bad actually,” she answered honestly.

“Not bad as in good or just average?” 

“As in good.” Catra said begrudgingly.

She nodded. “That’s good to hear Catra. What about your issue with maths? Did you end up finding anyone to help you?”

As soon as Netossa mentioned it, Adora in her stupid work uniform, with her stupid ponytail and bright blue eyes, throwing her head back and laughing, or chewing on the tip a pen before Catra stopped her, flashed through her mind. She cleared her throat before answering. “Uh, yeah, I did, actually.” 

Netossa gave her an odd look before continuing. “Good, I’m glad to hear it. Maybe you’ve made a friend too then?” 

Catra nearly choked on her own saliva. “Friend? I don’t think so.” 

Her and Adora Grayskull were not friends. They were just two people who helped each other with their work, for their own benefit, there was nothing friendly about that. But then Catra thought of playing Tetris and talking and sharing a banana milkshake and sitting in Adora’s truck until it was dark out. Were they? No—of course they weren’t. She was Catra D’riluth: the nobody who nobody wanted to be friends with; while Adora Grayskull was the girl that everyone loved. 

“Hmm, well maybe just wait and see,” Netossa said before moving on to other topics, things like extracurricular activities and college. Catra didn’t really know what she wanted to do for college, but she did at the very least know that she wanted to go. 

Other than that brief intrusion into her thoughts, for the rest of the session, for the rest of the day, Catra found herself replaying the word over and over again in her head. 

Friend. 

Chapter Text

The next few weeks were odd for Catra. Mostly because for the first time she had something—other than school of course—that she was consistently doing. Twice a week, Adora and Catra were meeting at Razz’s, though more often than not, Adora would pick Catra up in her truck which Catra had learned was called ‘Swifty’ and had laughed for nearly a whole minute. Adora would help with Catra’s math work on one day, while Catra would help with Adora’s english essays on the other. And maybe, just maybe, she was enjoying it. Initially after having this realisation, Catra almost wanted to call off their next meeting, to stop this whole thing before it spiralled into something she couldn’t control. But then Adora had messaged her saying thanks when she was the one who’d helped Catra out, and she couldn’t bring herself to after that. 

Catra had also been wrong, not that she would admit it. Adora had surprised her, hadn’t been at all what she expected, what she saw from afar. And the more time she spent with her, the less she saw her as Adora Grayskull, the school’s star athlete, and the more she saw her as just Adora. Or Grayskull, the huge dork. 

Then there was what Netossa had said, about them being friends. Since that session, she would always not so subtly ask about how her tutoring was going and Catra would always answer about the same, something along the lines of fine or good. Which was the truth, as Catra had been getting through more work in class, and occasionally putting her hand up to ask and answer questions. But that fine or good failed to include all the time sat in Adora’s truck arguing about the best episode of Avatar or laughing over some stupid TikTok Adora had insisted on showing her. Catra had decided it wasn’t any of Netossa’s business though, even if part of the reason she’d been assigned a guidance counsellor in the first place was to talk about her—mostly lack of—relationships with other people. 

It wasn’t as if there was anything to talk about really. Catra helped Adora write her essays, Adora helped Catra with her math work. And sometimes they’d talk for a little too long in a booth at Razz’s, or in Adora’s truck. So what? It didn’t mean anything. Besides, being even slightly associated with Catra was already enough, because despite how nice Adora acted, Catra reminded herself she still had a reputation to uphold being the golden girl of Bright Moon. And because Catra didn’t want to attract attention to herself, she pretty much ignored Adora at school, unless it was her initiating the conversation—which actually happened more often than Catra thought it should. 

It seemed like not a day would go by where Adora wouldn’t wave at Catra obnoxiously from across the hall, or in the cafeteria (really, Catra should stop sitting directly in Adora’s line of sight, but it had become almost routine, watching their table from afar). And even in English, Adora would turn around much more often just  to say a passing comment to Catra, which she would usually just nod along to, or if it warranted it, stifle a laugh. One lesson Adora had turned around and asked her, “Do you think Shakespeare ever got some or was he just a sad virgin taking out his frustration by writing tragic love stories?”

Needless to say, Catra hadn’t been able to hold back her laughter very well that time.

Catra only texted when necessary, but occasionally Adora would send some sort of meme, or a TikTok, the worst times being when they were in class. Catra had nearly had her phone taken off her one time when Adora had spammed her with three messages, all being memes, in a row. Also for a little while, Adora would ask how she was, or ‘wyd rn?’ for no real reason that Catra could figure out. Catra always responded with the same one word answers, and until eventually Adora must've got tired of asking because she stopped. 

At this point, Catra was sure Adora’s friends knew about her and Adora’s…mutual tutoring. Whether they actually knew anything else, Catra didn’t know but she doubted it, seeing as any time she even made brief eye contact with any of them, they’d give her a dirty look. So, they probably believed all the rumours. One thing about Adora was that she never pushed Catra. She’d never forced her to admit anything she didn’t want to, or to talk about things that clearly made her uncomfortable. She never asked about the rumours after that one time either, and Catra didn’t understand why. Did she really not care? The last person who had truly been like that was Scorpia, and well. Speaking of, the fact that Catra was almost one hundred percent sure all the princesses knew about Catra and Adora ‘hanging out’ meant that Scorpia must know too. And every time she was reminded of that, she would bite the inside of her cheek, hard, thinking of everything Scorpia knew about Catra, and that if she wanted to, how she could easily tell it all to Adora. While Catra didn’t think she would, and that she’d sufficiently moved on from everything to do with her and probably didn’t care what her teammate was doing past maybe a mild concern, the idea that she could say something would eat Catra up inside as she lay in bed some nights.

As of recently, Catra’s past had been on her mind often. Not the bad parts, but rather the good parts of the Horde, one of the very few being Scorpia. Looking back, Catra realised how much she’d taken her for granted, how she’d been so wrapped up in her own life and problems that she refused to acknowledge Scorpia’s. She’d been a terrible friend, and it took Scorpia leaving to see that. Now, it hardly mattered though—Scorpia had moved on, and Catra was…well she didn’t really know what she was doing.

All she knew was that she felt a little less shit about everything when she was sitting in Adora Grayskull’s truck laughing about nothing. So hopefully she wouldn’t ruin that too.

It was a Saturday, and Catra was in the familiar seat of Adora’s truck. Music playing from Catra’s late night vibes playlist hummed in the background, along with the rustling of a Haribo bag as Adora was currently eating her way through a whole stash of sweets. 

“Are you allowed to eat all those? Y’know, since you’re a jock and all?” Catra asked, while plucking one out of Adora’s hands and popping it in her own mouth.

Adora glared at her for a moment before taking another one from the bag. “Well,” she said while chewing loudly, “not really, but the season doesn’t start for like another two months, so really, this is my last chance to indulge before Coach goes all strict on us.” 

Cata shook her head. “I’m happy for you and all, but chew first before speaking, Grayskull.”

Somehow in the five seconds Catra had spoken, Adora had stuffed four more Haribos in her mouth, and her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. “Oh. Right,” she said, voice muffled as her mouth was still full before she swallowed and nearly choked. Catra snickered. Finally, Adora put the bag to the side, deciding to save the rest for later and facing Catra. 

“Hey, D’riluth?” Adora said, and the small crease between her brows and the slight frown of her lip made Catra shift in her seat. She’d seen that look enough times now to know what it meant.

“Yes, Grayskull?” she replied, tilting her head. 

“How come you, uh,” Adora started, tapping the side of her leg, “how come I never really see you sit with anyone at lunch? I mean, sometimes I do, but not really that often and I just—I don’t know—maybe that’s a stupid question, but, um, yeah.”

Catra sat there, watching Adora trip over her words, lips in a tight line. What kind of question was that? She scoffed. “I know you’re not the brightest, but I think the answer for that is pretty obvious, given everything you know about me.”

“Well, I mean—”

“People don’t like me Adora. Okay? I don’t—I don’t have any friends.” She turned to look out the window. The only thing keeping it from being nearly pitch black was the street lights scattered around the parking lot and glow of the supermarket sign. There weren’t many cars around either. Probably because everyone was out partying or something rather than sitting parked in front of a supermarket. 

Adora said nothing for a few seconds. “I think you’re pretty cool,” she practically mumbled it but Catra still heard. Her cheeks grew warmer. “Maybe it’d be nice to sit on my own every once in a while though. Must be peaceful.”

“What, you don’t like sitting with your little squad or something?” Catra faced her again. 

Humming, Adora replied, “No, I mean, I do. But sometimes, even after all this time, I still feel like I don’t exactly, y’know…fit? Maybe that’s stupid but—”

“You feel like you can’t relate to a lot of the things they talk about, like your life is too different from theirs?” Catra said and immediately wanted to clasp a hand over her mouth.

To her surprise, Adora’s eyes widened for a moment, then she nodded. “Yeah, exactly.”

She thought back to one of their first meetings, where Adora had said maybe they had more in common than Catra thought. Maybe she really hadn’t just been saying it for the sake of it. Catra felt her heart clench, but ignored it in favour of rolling her eyes with a scoff. 

“Well, I can assure you, you fit right in, princess,” Catra said, lips turning upwards as Adora opened and closed her mouth. She might have even been blushing, but Catra couldn’t be sure.

“I—what? Princess?” she said, stuttering. 

Catra laughed. “What? You’ve never heard that one before or something?”

“Of course not!”

“Your whole little group is called the princesses, surely someone’s said it,” Catra said, now genuinely surprised. 

Shaking her head, Adora replied, “Nope. You’re the first one. And I never really got why they call us that anyway.” 

“Really?” Catra’s brows rose. 

“Really,” Adora said seriously.

“Do you want to know?” she asked and Adora nodded. “Okay, well, I don’t know how true it is, or the origin of it, but ‘the princesses’ is only half of it. I’ve heard some people—and may have said it myself—call you guys ‘the pretentious princesses’. So, do what you want with that information.” She sat back in her seat and watched as Adora processed what she’d just said. 

“They think I’m pretentious? What the fuck!” Adora said, scandalised. 

Catra chuckled. “Don’t let it get to you. If anything, you’re the least pretentious out of all of ‘em, princess.” 

“Catra, don’t call me that!” Adora whined, which only made Catra laugh some more.

It wasn’t until long that Adora’s protests turned into laughter too. 

One annoying thing about being mostly civil with Serenia meant that she was much more nosey. It was a Tuesday evening, and Adora had just dropped Catra off, not before shouting obnoxiously about how she vowed to practice her Tetris skills and beat Catra’s top score by next week, after losing to her again—she’d lost so many times now that Catra had lost count. Catra had laughed it off, but didn’t doubt that on work breaks and any time she had to spare, she would be trying to beat her score. 

A smile had still been lingering on her lips as she unlocked her door, shaking her head as she thought of Adora and her cocky grin as she drove away. Much to her dismay, for some reason or another Serenia had been in the hallway, most likely to reprimand Catra for being late home (it was only by a few minutes, and it had been the first time in weeks, but it was Serenia after all). However, when she looked more closely at Catra, her slight frown morphed into something more akin to a smirk, and she raised her eyebrows.

“So,” she started, taking a step closer to Catra, “this classmate of yours that you keep helping with work, who is he?” 

Serenia hardly showed interest in Catra’s life, unless it was in direct correlation with her school work, and while one could argue that this still qualified, the real implications of the question did not. Not only that, but Catra hardly knew how to answer, everything considered. Her face had remained blank, despite her stomach sinking at the question. 

Catra pushed past her and scoffed. As she climbed up the stairs she said, “No one. It’s none of your business.” 

Although she had escaped Serenia’s intrusion, somewhere along the line, Diego had materialised from his room, standing in front of her door and saying, “Oooh, it all makes sense now—Catra’s got a boyfriend.” 

Catra’s days always had to be ruined somehow. Her cheeks burned as she shoved him out of the way. “I do not!” she shouted before slamming her door shut. Diego continued shouting things from outside of her room, but Catra had had years of practice of tuning him out. She leant on her door for a minute, focused on her breathing instead of the incessant noise that was her cousin. Once he went away, she finally pushed herself up, and looked around for a moment. 

Her room was overdue for a good clean. It wasn’t even big—with only a double bed, a beanbag, dresser, mirror and a misplaced chair taking up most of the room—yet somehow she’d managed to have paper and clothes (which should’ve been in her closet) all strewn over the limited space on her floor. Her bed was unmade as per usual. The red paint on her wall was peeling. Months ago, Serenia had promised her a desk but somewhere along the line it got lost in the sea of everything else, plummeting to the bottom of the list of priorities. The kitchen table, or the school library, or more recently Razz’s, fared just fine however. She wasn’t sure if one would fit anyway.

Catra took a deep breath. She knew what she was doing. Better to think about this than to focus on Serenia’s words. On what should’ve been a harmless comment. The problem was, it didn’t feel that way. Not to Catra. She wondered what they’d say. Think about her. If she told them. Only, she’d rather she never had to find out. 

Feet up in Adora’s truck (because she knew that she hated it), Catra waited for her to come back from picking a few things up from the store, idly scrolling on her phone, swiping through countless snap stories. Catra had contemplated deleting the app, because other than a select few people’s stories, she didn’t care to watch the rest of them. Although, because of it she always knew when a party was going on, which in her eyes was an acceptable reason to keep it. 

She was surprised when she saw that Adora had posted something on her story, since she had spent most of the afternoon, and now evening, with her. She tapped her icon and greeted by a picture that had been taken at Razz’s, of Catra’s math questions laid out on the table, a strawberry milkshake in the background (Catra had long given up on trying to pay for them) and Catra’s own hand in the corner, holding a pen, black nail polish chipped. At some point she really needed to buy some more. The caption simply read ‘milkshakes + math = good time’ and she snorted. Catra had no clue when she’d had time to take this picture, but it didn’t bother her like it maybe should have. 

As if on cue, the truck door swung open, and Adora climbed in, bag in hand. She let out a long sigh as she shut herself in, placing the bag between her legs. “How is the store so busy on a Saturday night?” she huffed. Then, she glared at Catra’s feet. “Off, D’riluth, you know the rules.” She swatted at her feet until Catra put them back down. 

Catra reluctantly complied, then said, “Get anything interesting then?” peering into the bag. 

Adora shook her head. “Nah, just stuff for breakfast. Coconut milk, avocados, bread, a couple other things too.”

“Okay, cool it, Grayskull, I didn’t ask for the list.” A grin spread across Catra’s face. “Speaking of milk, that caption on your story was definitely something.” 

Scratching the back of her neck, Adora asked, “You saw that?”

“Sure did.”

“In my defence—” Adora started, “—actually, I’ve got nothing. If you don’t like it, I can take it down?”

Catra waved a hand. “You don’t have to do that, It’s not like I really care. Although that caption was pretty shit.”

Adora shoved her on the shoulder and Catra’s only response was to laugh. The conversation drifted to an array of other things; how Adora was still yet to beat Catra’s high score on Tetris; arguing over whether Justin Bieber was actually a talented singer (Catra hated him but Adora argued that his music was actually pretty good); and Adora admitting that she’d never finished a book that wasn’t for school. 

“Dude, what the fuck!” Catra said, eyes wide.

“What? Nothing’s ever kept my interest long enough, okay? I guess I’m just not a book person.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “There’s no such thing as a ‘book person’ Adora. Just people who have an easier time reading books, and people who don’t.” 

“Okay, then. I’m a person who doesn’t have an easy time reading books,” Adora crossed her arms, slumping in her seat.

“Hey now, don’t sulk, princess,” Catra’s tone was only slightly mocking. “Seriously though, you probably just never read anything good. There’s lots of books I’m sure someone like you would wanna read.”

“Like what?”

Catra thought for a moment. “Tons. The Hate U give, Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe, for a wack sports book your jock self would enjoy, The Foxhole Court. You’d probably love fantasy—there’s so many it’s hard to choose just a few though.” She started listing a couple of them, and to her surprise, Adora had pulled out her phone and took note of what seemed like the majority of their names. 

“Are you seriously gonna read them or was that just for show, Grayskull?” Catra asked, gesturing at her phone.

“I can’t promise I’ll read ‘em all, that’d probably take…years,” Adora said, already sounding exasperated at the thought of reading them. “But I’ll try to read one in a month or two. Or three. I’ll just try to finish it, sometime. Deal?”

“Bet,” Catra replied, clasping Adora’s outstretched hand. It was a firm shake, and maybe Catra was imagining it when she felt a squeeze, maybe she was imagining how long it went on for, how their hands seemed to linger before pulling away, fingertips brushing against palms. It reminded Catra all too much of how gentle Adora had been when cleaning her scraped hands, and the memory made her hand tingle, as if she was feeling the aftershocks of a touch which should have been long forgotten. 

“Catra?” Adora said, taking her out of her train of thought.  

“Yeah?” she gave her a sideways glance.

Adora bit some of the skin off her lip before she asked, “How come I’ve barely seen you in the cafeteria this week?” 

“What?” Catra looked over at her properly now. She had a sort of apprehensive look on her face. 

“It’s just that, I don’t know dude, it feels like these days I see you less and less and I guess I was just wondering, like, where you go?” Adora stumbled through her sentence, but by the end of it, it was clear what she was saying.

“Oh.” Catra looked down at her nails. In the past week, she had been avoiding the cafeteria (and in turn Adora) more than usual, mostly because she didn’t like being under the scrutiny of all the princesses, when Adora, inevitably it seemed, noticed her. But she didn't think Adora paid attention to that sort of thing, paid attention to where she was. Did that mean she looked over at where Catra sat? Despite it being clear Adora had to have known somehow, Catra found that hard to believe. 

“Uh, sometimes I’m not hungry, so I just head up to the library instead of wasting time down there. No biggie,” she shrugged. 

For a moment, Adora said nothing. Then she broke out into a smile. “Wow, Catra D’riluth is even more of a nerd than I thought.” 

Catra glared at her. “You better watch your mouth, Grayskull.”

“Or?” Adora grinned, brows raised in a challenge. 

“Or, this nerd will beat your ass.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” 

“If we weren’t in a truck right now you’d be dead meat.” Catra said, pointing a finger at her chest, holding back a smile. But when Adora stuck out her tongue, laughter immediately bubbled up in Catra’s chest. Suddenly, the one word that had plagued her brain for weeks had come back to her in that moment. Friends. Is that really what they were?

Catra got an answer to the burning question in her mind sooner than expected. She had been content, comfortable with leaving whatever it was Adora and her had undefined. Though, she supposed that wasn't the whole truth seeing as every time they were together the word would pop into her head, like an unwanted guest at a party. 

It was only a day after their last tutor session on Thursday (well, they had actually spent more time in Adora's truck talking than doing math work but it wasn't like they'd gotten nothing done) and Catra was in her AP history class. It was one of the other few classes that she shared with Adora, although from the start of the year they'd sat at opposite sides of the class, so apart from a few glances, or sometimes in Adora's case, messages sent, they hardly interacted in the class. Catra had found out from all their talks that Adora quite enjoyed History, which was why she'd chosen it as one of her AP classes, despite not getting the best grades in it. She found memorising dates for pop quizzes and tests relaxing. How that was possible, Catra didn't know.

Their teacher—Miss Shroom—liked to give her students group projects, much to all of their dismays, but they hadn't gotten one yet, and with October break coming up, it was long overdue. 

“Okay class, no homework will be assigned this week,” she started and there were a few cheers, “because you will be completing a group project in groups of two to four about a time period of your choice that we've been studying. The full details will be online, and it is due the first day back after October break.” As she finished there were a few groans. 

Someone put their hand up to ask if they could choose who they worked with. 

Miss Shroom sighed before saying, “Yes, I am entrusting you now in the last couple minutes of the lesson to group up. But be sensible with your choices because this is a big percentage of your grade. And there is no working by yourself.”

At the last part, Catra bit the skin on the inside of her cheek, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. Leave it to Miss Shroom to screw her over. Chaos erupted in the classroom as everyone got into pairs or larger groups, all while Catra just watched, mouth in a straight line, head leaning on her hand. After another minute or two, the groups were easier to make out. She couldn't help but glance across the room. Adora had paired with crop top boy—she'd probably heard his name before but hadn't bothered to commit it to memory. She knew he was one of Adora's closest friends, since he was always by her side along with that other girl, so it was no surprise they were working together. 

Last year when Catra was subjected to group projects, she could usually get by in whatever group she was placed in by doing as much as she could on her own, and leaving the rest to the others she was working with. Now that it was Junior Year, she didn't know if she would get away with that so easily. The class has settled, and it was painstakingly clear that it was only Catra who hadn't managed to find a group. 

“Catra,” Miss Shroom said, drawing even more attention to her than before. She felt every pair of eyes in the room land on her. Despite the weather having been cold the past few days, Catra's hoodie felt far too warm on her now. Her stomach dropped as she heard the whispers, the murmurs around the room. “Do I need to put you in a group?” 

Teeth grinding together, Catra shook her head, but before she even opened her mouth, another voice cut in.

“She can be in our group, Ma’am.” Catra looked up to see Adora had raised her hand. When she caught her eye, Adora just smiled. It made Catra's stomach turn even more. The murmurs only seemed to worsen, so much so Catra could hear some of the things people were saying. 

“Why does Adora Grayskull want that in her group?”

“It's probably out of pity.”

“Yeah, it must be, why else would she want to deal with her?” 

Catra bit down harder on the inside of her cheek, trying to quell the rage that was slowly rising inside her. She couldn't afford to lash out in front of all these people. She couldn't give them that satisfaction, especially because it would only prove their point. It was out of pity. And Catra didn't want it.

Even Miss Shroom seemed to be in disbelief as she looked between Catra and Adora. She cleared her throat, warning the class to quiet down, then said carefully, “Very well, as long as that's okay with you,” eyes on Catra. Even if it wasn't, she knew it wouldn’t make a difference. 

Catra slumped down into her seat, mumbling, “Sure.” 

Her public humiliation was cut short when the bell finally rang. As all the other students began to leave, she shoved her stuff into her bag and made her way to the door as quickly as possible, trying to avoid Adora's gaze—who was right at the front of the classroom, talking to Bow and one other guy. Catra was nearly out of the class, when she stopped short as she heard someone say:

“Good luck with her in your group, I hear she bites.”  

“Well, at least I'll be getting an A+, Brad,” Adora replied, in a smug tone that sounded different to anything Catra had heard from her before.

The anger that had slightly simmered down had reignited with those few words, and Catra all but growled as she shoved past whoever was in her way, storming down the corridor and out of the building. She went around to the back of the main building, which was technically out of bounds, although people came here to smoke all the time. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone here now though. Catra leant against the wall, sinking down. She took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm herself down by counting her breaths like Netossa had taught her to do. Only, she heard a twig snap, interrupting her count, and looked up to see the very person who had caused all of this in the first place: Adora Grayskull.

“Wow D'riluth, you run pretty fast for someone who claims not to be into sports,” Adora said with a smile. 

Catra bit back a groan as the familiar anger threatened to spill out again. She stood up, walking over to Adora. They were nearly nose to nose, and if it wasn’t for Catra’s current blind rage, she thought that maybe the close proximity would’ve been more uncomfortable.

“What the fuck do you want now, Grayskull?” Catra spat, and the smile on Adora's face disappeared immediately.

“Oh…Catra are you okay?” Adora asked, brows furrowed. 

Catra nearly laughed, incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me? Am I okay? What kind of question is that Adora? Were you not just in the same class that I was?”

Adora took a moment to answer. “I—so you're mad?” 

“Take a guess.” 

She took a step back. “Why?” Adora seemed more perplexed than anything. 

“I mean it's clear that you don't—” Catra faltered for a moment. “Well what the fuck do you think dumbass?” she said instead.

“I get that it was kinda embarrassing, but I can't read your mind Catra,” she said with a shrug. “I don't really know unless you tell me. I just thought that because no one else—”

“You thought wrong. I don't want your sympathy, okay? Like I get it, Grayskull, you just did it to be all nice and shit because it’s your schtick or whatever. I get that you got a reputation to uphold and that you can’t have me risking it.”

Adora scrunched up her face. “What are you saying?”

Catra groaned. “Do you really want me to say it? Okay, fuck, fine, I know that we’re friends or anything. I get it. And I don't care, so don't go—”

“Wait—we’re not?” Adora looked even more confused than before. 

“Of course not,” Catra replied slowly.

“Why?” 

The question had taken Catra aback. She had no clue how to answer it, so after a moment she settled on, “Because we're just not.”

“But…why can't we be?”

“Why would someone like you wanna be friends with someone like me?” Catra said with a scoff. Although Adora had proved her wrong in most regards, part of her still held onto the fact that her and Adora were still different enough that they couldn't possibly be actual friends. But according to Adora, she'd thought they had been. Catra wasn't sure what to do with that knowledge.

Adora moved to lean against the wall. Catra just watched her, staying where she was, but turning to face her. “Because—because you’re cool, and funny and really smart. And because…you’re Catra.”

Once again, Catra felt something in her stomach stir, but it didn't feel the same as just a few minutes before in class. “I—”

“I mean it.” Just as Adora said that, the bell rang. They were both going to be late for their next class. Neither of them moved from where they were though. Adora was still waiting for something. Anything really. 

Catra gritted her teeth together. Was it really as simple as…just being? Had it really been there the whole time but she'd just been blind to it? Even if it had been, Catra didn’t really think she deserved it. Then she thought back to her sessions with Netossa. Everyone needs someone they feel they're able to rely on, in some way or another, was something she’d said the other day. Could Adora be that? Catra didn't know, but at the very least, she deserved a chance at a friendship. She had come to Bright Moon for a fresh start after all, and although that had mostly been tarnished, she could have this. One good thing. 

“Well, I guess you’re not too bad either, Grayskull,” Catra said, and she instantly felt lighter. 

Adora beamed at her, sticking out her hand. “So, friends?”

“Only if you promise to never post a snap with a shitty caption again.” 

“Okay, I promise, although I might need to run them by you just to be sure, D'riluth.”

“Sure thing,” Catra clasped her hand and smiled back at her. 

As Catra got into school, for once she wasn’t her usual agitated self, despite it being a dreary Monday morning. Over the weekend her and Adora had met up to study together (for the third time that week, since now that they were officially friends, they could hang whenever) at Razz’s and then drove around in Adora’s truck, enjoying the fresh October air. If Catra was being honest, nothing had really changed between them, or how they interacted, only now, what they were was properly defined. Catra usually wasn’t one who cared to define things, but this felt important. And even though she’d never admit it, it was nice to have a genuine, real friend. Even when they hadn’t been hanging out, they’d been texting back and forth throughout the weekend, even up until this morning. The last message Catra had received from Adora was her complaining about morning training, which meant she had to be in school over an hour before most other students. It sounded like hell. Catra had said as much, and all Adora responded with was a frowny face. 

Just as she was entering the building, her phone buzzed again. 

grayskull  

[7:51am] i am,,, s u f f e r i n g 

[7:51am] imagine already being a sweaty mess at 7...gross

sucks to be you princess

[7:52am] catra!! :/

[7:52am] yes? ;)

[7:53am] ugh whatever,, i gtg 

see u in class :)

Catra smiled as she read the message. Even though she had arguably been friends with Adora for a while, now that they were actually friends, there were some things she was unsure about, things that she didn’t exactly know how to navigate. She stared at the message a little longer before deciding to leave it unanswered, putting her phone away.

Most of the day flew by, especially with her and Adora messaging back and forth between—and sometimes in—classes. She didn’t see much of her, and even when she did, it was pretty brief, a quick wave or smile at most. But Catra was okay with that, it felt safer, better that way. At lunch however, that changed. 

grayskull  

[12:10pm] hey do you wanna sit w/ us today?

Catra was in the line getting her food when she read the message, and as she did, she felt something flutter in her stomach. Was Adora really inviting her to sit with all of them? That couldn’t be right. Yeah, they were friends now, but they still ran in completely different circles. Frankly, Catra wasn’t in any circle. Not only that, but the princesses didn’t seem to like her very much, and Catra knew she wouldn’t be able to keep her cool if they started bombarding her with questions, or even if they just looked at her funny for too long. She didn’t belong there. Surely Adora knew that. Maybe it was another act of sympathy—no, Adora had said it wasn’t like that. It was hard convincing her mind of that though. She was forever the cynic.

She was grabbing her food now and realised she needed to reply. Racking her brain for excuses, she chewed her lip, before realising that she had a session with Netossa in like twenty minutes anyway. She’d just head straight there and tell that to Adora. Perfect. And it wasn’t even a lie. Heading for the doors, sandwich in hand, Catra made the grave mistake of glancing over at Adora’s table. They locked eyes immediately, and as they did, Adora gestured for her to come over. Catra stood there, clutching her sandwich just a little too harshly, shaking her head lightly, an apologetic smile on her face. It didn’t feel genuine, and maybe Adora could tell, because she frowned for a brief moment before nodding. Catra left then, hoping that not too many people had seen the interaction. While she was waiting to see Netossa, she decided to message Adora an explanation. 

[12:20pm] can’t, guidance counsellor meeting

[12:21pm] oh okay, i get it!

maybe tomorrow?

Definitely not. But Catra knew she couldn’t say that, and decided on an answer that could easily mean one or the other.

[12:23pm] yeah, maybe 

Finally, Netossa had gotten here, and once they’d both gotten settled, she started by asking, “So, how’s the last week been?”

“Pretty good, actually. After a minor blip.” She wasn’t sure if her storming out of class was exactly minor, but she decided that the details weren’t important. 

“Oh really, why’s that?” Netossa said, an almost knowing grin on her face. 

“Well…” Catra’s mind flashed back to stealing Haribos from Adora and laughing over her stupid puns in her truck; competing at Razz’s to see who could finish their milkshake the fastest and Adora holding her hand out, asking to be her friend. “Turns out, you were right after all, I guess.” 

“About?” Netossa asked, raising an eyebrow.

Catra sighed. “About making a friend or whatever.”

“Told you.” Netossa said smugly, a smile on her face. And for once, Catra was glad she had been wrong. 

The past two days, Catra had been avoiding Adora. Well, not exactly. Only at lunch really. Ever since Adora’s offer on Monday—and Catra declining—she’d been heading straight to the library again, like she had done the week before. She was glad Adora hadn’t mentioned it, but she knew it was bound to come up again, especially now that they were friends. It still felt strange to say, or think. Catra supposed avoiding Adora didn’t make her a very good friend, but she didn’t know what else she was meant to do. It seemed like no matter what she did, it would end badly, so she decided on doing nothing, or as little as possible. It couldn’t possibly be her fault then, if this all fell apart. 

Now, it was a Thursday, the penultimate day before the October break, and here she was, in the library, trying to read, only to circle back to the same stupid thoughts. This friend thing really seemed like more of a scam than she remembered. She knew she’d probably be seeing a lot of Adora over the break, seeing as they’d barely started their group project, but that also meant she’d also have to spend time with crop top boy. Catra wasn’t sure she liked the idea of that very much. She’d given up on reading now, in favour of playing a game on her phone, when she heard someone walking towards her. She didn’t look up, assuming they were just looking for something or someone else. But when whoever it was didn’t turn back around, she glanced up to see Adora squeezing into the chair next to her. 

“Hey, D’rilith,” she said with a smile that made her insides turn.

“Grayskull…what are you doing here?” She looked at her, brows furrowed. Today she was wearing a white and gold hoodie Catra had seen her in before with matching joggers and a navy bomber jacket. She wore her varsity jacket so often that sometimes it was odd seeing her without it. Catra too had her own staples, like the one leather jacket that she’d had in the back of her closet for years which had finally started to fit her. And a lot of plaid. The weather was steadily getting colder however, and soon she wouldn’t get away with just a T-shirt and leather jacket.

“Well,” Adora tapped the table once, twice, three times. “I noticed how you, uh, haven’t been in the cafeteria, and I guess I thought—well I thought it’d be nice to keep you company, if you don’t mind of course?”  

Catra’s face softened. She stared at her for a moment, not saying anything. Adora was fiddling with her backpacks strap, gaze fixed on the cover of Catra’s book, waiting for an answer. “Sure, dork,” she said, lips turning upwards. 

Adora’s smile only grew as she took her bag off, taking out her jelly that she still hadn’t finished from lunch, Catra guessed. She told her they technically weren’t meant to eat in the library without explicit permission, but Adora only shrugged, digging in with her plastic spoon. 

“Didn’t peg you as a rulebreaker, princess,” Catra said. 

“Yeah, well, some people are multifaceted Catra,” she replied with a mouth full of jelly. Then she got another spoonful, and instead of eating it in one go, she slurped it off the spoon, practically inhaling it. 

Catra let out a squeaky laugh, before covering her mouth. “Gross dude!” she whisper-shouted. They both tried to contain their laughter, but once Adora let out a snort, it was near impossible. Mr Archer came over to tell them to quiet down (and Adora had to hide her jelly under the table so he wouldn’t confiscate it) but other than that, they spent the rest of lunch joking around and talking, away from prying eyes and judgmental gazes. It was nice and peaceful and easy. 

Once the bell rang, they continued their conversation, walking to English together. They didn’t stop talking until the teacher had silenced the whole class, and even then, Adora still turned around what seemed like every few minutes to make some sort of comment. The thoughts of ‘what if someone saw us talking?’ and ‘what would they think?’ faded to the back of her mind, and she let herself enjoy being in Adora’s company. 

Maybe, this whole friendship thing wasn’t going to be as difficult as she thought. Catra let herself hope—at least for today.

Chapter Text

Checking the time on her phone, Catra huffed as she read that it was only twelve thirty, meaning she still had thirty minutes until Adora was meant to be here. She had insisted that she could just ride her bike to Razz’s, but Adora had also insisted that she had no problem picking her up, saying that she would pass through her area regardless. Catra didn’t know whether that was true or not, since she had no clue where Adora actually lived. For all she knew, Adora could’ve lived all the way in the upper city and was coming all the way to Razz’s and detouring to pick up and drop Catra off. The thought made her feel a little dizzy. Hopefully, Adora really did pass through her neighbourhood to warrant her constantly driving Catra places. But, Catra thought, even if she didn’t, maybe that’s the kind of things friends did for each other. She wasn’t really sure. 

“Catra,” Serenia called from downstairs, “you know what day it is, get down here now!”

Catra groaned, loud enough that Serenia had most definitely heard, which was about as much as a response she was going to get. She checked her reflection in the mirror. Black ripped jeans, beat up converses, a plain black t-shirt, a plaid shirt and then a leather jacket over that. Her leather jacket. She tugged on it, trying to pull it closer against her form. It fit almost perfectly. The sleeves were still a little long though. She pushed them up, but it was no use.

Serenia shouted again. “Catra!” 

“Jesus, gimme a minute!” 

Something was missing, Catra thought. A choker, that was it. She went over to her dresser and got a plain black one from a box atop it. Now her outfit was complete. She tried to smile at her reflection, but it felt too forced, too rigid. It was more of a grimace. Instead, she settled on a glare, lips downturned. It fit much better on her. 

She grabbed her bag and trudged downstairs, a permanent frown on her face. When Serenia saw her, she just pointed to the laundry closet. 

“Really?” Catra said and Serenia nodded slowly in response.

“Diego is vacuuming and dusting, and since you refuse to do that, you do the laundry. It’s that or no clean clothes.” 

Catra bit back another groan. Serenia was right, and Catra usually didn’t mind doing the laundry. In fact, she found it kind of relaxing, shoving the clothes in the washing machine, taking them out, shoving them in the dryer. Sorting them into lights and darks, all of it. She liked listening to music while she did it too, since it made it go quicker. But today, that didn’t sound appealing at all. Nothing really did. She just wanted to get out of this house and hop in Adora’s truck and worry about the fact she was going to be stuck with crop top boy (Bow was his actual name, but Catra refused to use it) for the next few hours. Instead, she was stuck doing laundry until Adora came. 

“Fine,” she said, dropping her bag on the floor in the hallway and going back upstairs to grab her laundry basket, then Diego’s and Benny’s. She brought them down one at a time, even though it would’ve been quicker to hold one basket in each hand, seeing as Benny’s weighed practically nothing.

Serenia did hers and her Abuelita’s on Saturday’s, though when she was really busy, Catra would reluctantly do theirs too. It was better now that they moved, especially since they actually have a dryer—in their old apartment, everything just had to dry by air, which meant damp clothes were practically littered all around the apartment, which hadn’t been big to begin with. 

Begrudgingly, she started separating the lights from the darks in Benny’s and Diego’s basket (hers were already separated) and shoved the darks into the machine, slamming it shut. She checked the time again. Seventeen minutes until she should be here. She pulled out the large container of washing powder, took the lid off, grabbed the plastic cup at the top of the mountain of powder and started scooping it into the machine. Once that was done she checked that everything was on the right settings before pressing start. All fine. Leaning against the wall for a moment, Catra listened to the machine stutter as it started up. She checked her phone again for the third time. Fourteen minutes. Then, she noticed today’s date. Sunday the twentieth. She took a breath, running a hand through her hair. A few minutes later her phone pinged. It was Adora. 

grayskull 

[12:50pm] hey I’m outside 

ik I’m early

sorry about that btw

I overestimated how long it was gonna take

Catra shook her head. She’d expected her to be early—Adora always was. 

[12:51pm] it’s fine grayskull

I’ll be out in a min

Grabbing her bag from the hallway, Catra slung it over her shoulder and made her way to the door, not bothering to say goodbye to Serenia. Abuelita was napping, otherwise she would’ve said bye regardless of whether she wanted to or not, although she was glad she didn’t have to today. 

She shut the door and was greeted by Adora’s truck parked right in front of her house, like it had been countless times now. Still, her stomach burned at the thought of Diego, or worse, Serenia, looking out of the window and seeing it, although they must have at this point. When Adora noticed her walking up to her, she waved, a smile on her face. Catra waved back, but didn’t even try those tight lipped smiles she sometimes did that she supposed gave Adora some reassurance. Adora was her friend now—so why did it matter if Serenia knew? If anything, she’d be glad. Despite this rationale, Catra couldn’t push the feeling down. 

As always, Adora got out of her truck to greet her, and usually it didn’t bother her. Today, Catra wanted nothing more than to be as far from home as quickly as possible. 

“Hey D’rilith! How are you? Or is that a dumb question since we literally saw each other the other day?” Adora asked, but didn’t give any time for Catra to answer. She continued on her rant, but it was falling to deaf ears as Catra bit the inside of her cheek, looking back and forth from her house and Adora. She only zoned back into the conversation once Adora tugged at the sleeve of her leather jacket. 

“I like the jacket, where’d you get it from?” 

Catra stepped back defensively, one hand rubbing her arm. “Don’t know. We should get going, I wanna get this over with quickly.”

She walked over to the other side of the truck and Adora followed after her, which was normal, but she looked like she still had something to say. As Catra got in, Adora slammed the door for her before jogging over to her side and getting in. When Adora didn’t start the truck right away, Catra looked over at her, brow raised. 

“Are you gonna…?” She gestured to the steering wheel. 

“Oh! Right, yeah, of course, I was just—yeah,” Adora stuttered through her sentence, starting the engine and finally driving away from Catra’s house. 

Adora hadn’t offered to put any music on, and Catra hadn’t asked, so an uncomfortable silence fell between them. For a while, Catra just watched Adora’s hands on the steering wheel, how they seemed to grip it tight enough that her knuckles were white. She wanted to ask, but she was also content to stare out of the window and watch the blur of shapes. Once they got to Razz’s and Adora parked her truck, the silence was impossible to ignore.

Tapping the steering wheel a few times, Adora turned to face Catra. She was sitting stiffly and biting her lip, which looked like it had been gnawed at all morning.

“Alright Grayskull, what’s up?” Catra asked with a sigh. 

As she asked the question, she could see some of the tension leave Adora’s shoulders. “Well, it’s just—I don’t know, it might sound stupid. I mean, it is stupid. Yeah, I’m being ridiculous, let’s just go inside and—”

“Adora, hey,” Catra placed a hand on her shoulder, “if it’s getting you like this, then it’s clearly something.” 

She felt Adora relax a little more under her touch. Adora looked at her for a moment, lips now parted and eyes flickering down to the hand in her shoulder. Catra usually shoved or punched Adora, so clearly, this was a change of pace. For the both of them. She withdrew her hand then, but shifted a slither closer, hoping it would implore Adora to go on. 

Adora picked at a bit of skin on her lip as she started. “It’s just that this is the first time you’re meeting one of my closest friends, and I guess, I’m like, nervous?” she sighed. “I don’t know why. I suppose it’s because I want you two to get on, or I don’t know, at the very least not hate each other. Although I don’t think Bow hates anyone.”

“Well you’d be surprised, I have a talent of making most people hate me,” Catra replied with a grin. 

“Not helping!” 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Catra laughed, putting her hands up. “What…what can I do then?”

“Huh?” Adora tilted her head slightly. 

Catra fiddled with the zipper on her jacket sleeve. “Well, like you said—you want us to get along, right? So, what can I do, or say, to make that happen, or whatever?” 

When Catra looked up at her, Adora had a smile on her face. 

“Just be you. But maybe like twenty percent less intimidating?” 

“No promises, princess. Now come on, Arrow is probably waiting for us,” Catra said, climbing out of the truck with a grin on her face. 

So far, Catra didn’t think things were going terrible. This was the first day that they were actually working on their history project together, although they had already decided on a time period and who was doing what over text. Mostly through Adora, since Catra refused to be in a group chat that would inevitably be used as a place to share terrible memes and TikToks. 

Bow was even more irritating up close. Everything from his clothes (who wore a crop top in October?) to his bubbly personality, and sickening optimism. Maybe Catra just had a problem with positive people. He greeted Adora with a hug, which Catra couldn’t help but scowl at, and her with an enthusiastic handshake before sliding back into the booth. 

All three of them ordered milkshakes and for the first time in weeks, Catra wasn’t sharing one with Adora, yet Adora still insisted on it being free of charge. Eventually they settled on Catra paying half of the normal price. Catra sat opposite Bow while Adora got their drinks. She knew she couldn’t just sit here glaring at him in silence, but she knew that whatever came out of her mouth would be somewhat of an insult so she waited for Bow to inevitably say something.

“So…how’s your weekend been so far?”

“Average I’d say. Would be better if I wasn’t stuck doing this project.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll go quicker than you think,” he replied, a smile on his face.

“One can only hope.”

Bow looked around for a moment, as if he was looking for something to say. Catra sighed. She did say she would try to get along with him for Adora’s sake. “Adora said you’re also on the lacrosse team?”

At that, Bow perked up and started going on about what position he played, funny moments between him, Adora, and their other friend Glimmer (she was on the team?) during practice, until Adora came back. Catra actually listened quite intently, but maybe only because some of the things he was saying about Adora would be great ammunition against her.

Once she got back and placed their drinks down, Adora looked at both sides for a moment, as if she was debating which one to choose. When she ended up sitting next to Catra, she had to bite down her grin of satisfaction, though Bow seemed unbothered, sipping his milkshake happily. 

“This is great Adora! I don’t know why I don’t come more often,” he said, slurping up more of his vanilla milkshake.

“Ah well, y’know, last few weeks have been busy,” Adora replied sheepishly. 

“Busy? But it’s only the start of the year,” Bow raised his eyebrows, then looked at Adora, then Catra. “Oh…busy. Yeah, I get it.” He gave Adora an odd look, one that Adora definitely didn’t understand, or try to for that matter. Catra however had seen the way he’d looked at Adora and then her very pointedly, and didn’t like what he was getting at. 

She sent a glare his way, and was about to say something when Adora nudged her. Right. She was supposed to be playing nice. 

“Got any plans for this week then?” Adora asked, changing the subject. 

Bow somehow turned the answer to a simple question into a whole tangent, as he started complaining about all the other homework he had in their week off, which meant he wouldn’t have as much time to relax as he would’ve liked. Catra had tuned out for most of it, focusing on drinking her milkshake. Once that was all out, she had no choice but to listen. She didn’t see why they couldn’t just get on with the work. They’d started talking about school in general now, but Catra was hardly contributing to the conversation; when she did it was usually in response to something else, and was always brief—and maybe at times a little snarky—but she still put a little thought into it, because if she made no effort at all she knew Adora wouldn’t be happy, and she didn’t want that. 

Most of the questions were small things, like what teachers she disliked, the other classes she took, all fairly impersonal. 

It was only when he asked, “How do you like Bright Moon High so far?” that she started to feel a little uneasy. 

She shrugged, nonchalant as she had been for the past twenty minutes. “It’s fine. Kinda stuck up though.”

Bow hummed, “So how does it compare to Horde High?” 

Catra narrowed her eyes. “Why does that—”

“I’m sure he’s just interested because he’s heard a lot about the Horde. Right, Bow?” Adora said, a tight lipped smile on her face.

“Yeah! I’m just interested since a lot of people say different things about it, but you actually went there so—”

“Well there isn’t much to say. It was a shitty school. But I’m sure you already know that,” Catra crossed her arms, looking at him with a frown.

Bow nodded, a little emphatically, and an awkward silence fell over the table. 

“Why don’t we get on with the project then?” Adora suggested, already wiping a napkin over the surface and pulling her laptop out of her bag. It was a MacBook that looked more than a few years old, with an array of stickers plastered onto the back of it. Bow’s was also a MacBook, but it looked almost brand new, with only a few stickers on it. Catra hesitated taking out hers—an ancient Lenovo laptop that she’d had for too many years to count now. 

“I was thinking we could focus on researching the areas I assigned the other day, so that when we’re making the spread we have all the data and facts we need and can just focus on the writing and stuff,” Adora said, opening her MacBook. 

“Sure thing,” Bow replied, instantly getting to work. 

Catra on the other hand, did not. Instead she sat back, a bored look on her face. 

“Uh, Catra,” Adora nudged her again, “you do realise that you aren’t gonna get anything done if you just sit there?” 

Scoffing, she elbowed Adora, aiming for the ribs, but she dodged it with a laugh. Catra rolled her eyes, saying, “Yeah, I do jackass, but I don’t need to because I already did my research earlier.” 

“Really?” Adora beamed. “All of it?”

“Yeah, I—why are you looking at me like that? It’s not a big deal, I just had some spare time so I—”

“Oh my god, you are such a nerd!” Adora gasped.

“Grayskull, we’ve been here before, so don’t start this again,” Catra warned.

“Nope, nope, you can't deny it,” Adora said, waggling her finger in her face.

“Ugh—you’re the worst!” she said, but her lips curled up into a smile as she pushed Adora. 

Laughing, she pushed back, trying to get Catra in a headlock. “Say what you want, but—”

“Um, guys? It's kinda hard to concentrate with you two…bickering, and plus, you’re being a little loud,” Bow cut in hesitantly. Frankly, Catra had forgotten he was right across from them. Adora loosened her grip around Catra’s neck, then removed her arm from around her completely, placing her hand in her own lap. 

Catra leaned away from Adora, against the wall, while Adora sat up ramrod straight. She felt hotter now. Catra blamed the leather but decided against taking off her jacket.

Adora cleared her throat. “So, since you've already done it…what should you do then?”

“I’ll help you with your research dork,” Catra replied, rolling her eyes. 

“Oh. Sure,” Adora hesitated for a moment before angling the laptop so Catra could see it. “Could you, uh, come a little closer?”

Catra looked at Adora then, properly, the way her fingers drummed against her MacBook and how her leg fidgeted under the table. Then she glanced over at Bow, who's eyes seemed to be fixed on his computer screen. She was sure they'd flitted up at least a few times. 

“Fine,” she grumbled, moving close enough that her shoulder brushed against Adora's. She wished she'd taken off her jacket now. 

After that, things were fairly smooth sailing, Bow worked quietly and quickly, whereas Catra ended up distracting Adora, like she often did, but they still managed to complete most of the work. Bow would chip into whatever conversation—or more accurately described, whatever argument—they were having from time to time but he mostly seemed to just enjoy listening to them while pretending to get on with his work. There had been more than one moment that day where Catra had looked over at Bow and saw him looking at them both with this almost soft expression, like he knew something they didn’t. Other times, he looked more perplexed than anything, like he didn’t quite understand their dynamic, which made much more sense, because even Catra didn’t, seeing as everything was still so new. When Catra noticed him looking at them with either of those looks, she’d usually get on with their work a little quieter than before, or snap at him for some miniscule unexplainable reason. Adora would give her this disapproving look when she did the latter though, so she forced herself to bite her tongue and move on. 

It was nearly six when they’d finished (though technically, Adora still had a little more to do thanks to Catra), and they arranged to meet tomorrow around the same time, but this time at Bow’s house. Adora and her silently agreed that Adora would pick her up and they'd go there together. Catra was just relieved that today was mostly over, and that she had gotten through it with hardly any—

“Bow, Adora, hey!” someone said just as they stepped outside. 

Catra looked to her right to see who it was, and wasn’t surprised that it happened to be Sparkles, Adora and Bow’s other friend. She had seen her hanging around Adora enough to know that they were often attached to the hip, along with Bow, and because she had also heard about her from Adora more times than she would’ve liked. Sparkles was wearing the most obnoxious clothes Catra had ever seen—purple trousers, a pink T-shirt and light blue coloured jacket—that she was sure she could’ve seen her coming from a mile away.

Bow immediately lit up with a smile, jogging up to meet her, while Adora stayed at Catra’s side, shifting almost uncomfortably with a grimace on her face. It seemed like Sparkles hadn’t noticed her yet, but as soon as she saw Adora hanging back, she certainly would.

“Hey, Glimmer, you know I was gonna text you, you didn’t have to come all the way,” Bow said, leaning in to give her a hug. The hug lasted maybe a second too long before they parted, and once they did, she finally cast a glance behind Bow. 

“Yeah, well, I thought it’d be nice, and plus,” she said, stepping around Bow and coming up to Adora, “I finally get to meet Adora’s study buddy.” There was a smile on her face, but it looked nothing like the one she’d given Bow just moments before. 

“Catra, this is Glimmer, Glimmer, Catra,” Adora introduced them to each other like they hadn’t already exchanged a multitude of dirty looks in the hallways of BMH. 

“No need to introduce us, Adora,” Glimmer said, then actually addressed Catra for the first time. “I’ve heard lots about you. Not good things, by the way.”

Adora tried to intervene. “Glimmer—”

“You and everyone else, Sparkles,” Catra replied with a scoff. “But just because you hear something, doesn’t make it true. Pretty sure that’s like, common sense, but of course a princess like you wouldn’t have any.”

“Do you seriously think you have room to judge me when Adora hasn’t been able to confirm or deny which rumours about you are real or not? I think it’s only fair that we assume the worst,” Glimmer said, punctuating it with a shrug.

Catra’s blood simmered. Had Adora been talking about her to them? A million different scenarios of what she could have been saying rushed into her head, and none of them were good ones. She hadn’t been that bothered by Glimmer to start—it wasn’t like she didn’t know that they wouldn’t get along, but now, with her standing in front of her judging her based on hearsay, and bringing Adora into it, it was becoming hard to ignore the growing agitation bubbling in her chest.

“What?” she said through gritted teeth.

Bow put a hand on Glimmer’s shoulder then. “Glimmer, maybe we should—”

“You heard me,” Glimmer said, ignoring Bow and taking a step closer to her. “So what is it that’s so bad that you don’t want to tell anyone?”

Catra could feel her throat tightening every second as Glimmer waited for an answer expectedly. Despite this, she let out a dry laugh. “Like it’s any of your business, Glitter.”

“It is my business if my friend is involved!”

“Sure, maybe if we were seven, but all of us here are nearly seventeen, if you didn’t notice, so I think you should learn to keep your nose out of what doesn’t concern you,” Catra growled. 

“Okay, I think both of you have said en–”

“No, Adora! Can’t you see this girl is clearly bad news? She’s from Horde High, the school known for creating bums and criminals, and she won’t even tell you what she did to get her kicked out of there, and I mean just—look at her!” Glimmer was practically shouting, waving her hands at Catra.

The agitation that had been bubbling had sparked into a fiery rage. Who did she think was to come up to her and say all this as if she knew anything at all? Even if she didn’t like her, it wasn’t hard to keep your mouth shut. Catra was already dealing with enough. She was completely up in Glimmer’s face now. “You don’t know shit about me, so fuck off.”

Catra pushed past Glimmer, who yelled out in surprise, but she just continued forward, getting further away from the three of them as fast as possible, nails digging into her palm. When she heard Adora call her name however, she turned around to see her standing next to Glimmer. For a moment, she considered asking her if she was coming, but she didn’t want to embarrass herself anymore than she had. Instead, she went with, “Fuck you and your friends, Grayskull!”

She huffed, and continued in the direction that she was pretty sure led back to her house. It wasn’t too long of a walk, no more than half an hour. And once she put some music on (her fml playlist to accompany her now sour mood) the journey went quicker than she realised. 

As she trudged on, her mind couldn’t help but go back to what had just happened, how Adora had stood there and had done next to nothing. Why would she stick up for Catra anyway? They’d know each other for what—just over a month? Adora had told Catra that she’d known Sparkles and Arrow since middle school. That by far trumped all the time she’d spent with her. Although, Catra supposed that wasn’t fair. Adora had tried, it was just that Glitter over there didn’t want to listen. But somehow, despite that being the most logical conclusion, Catra’s brain refused to believe it. 

When she got home, she went straight up to her room, ignoring Serenia telling her to take the clean clothes out and put it in the dryer. Instead she collapsed onto her bed, music still blaring, and closed her eyes. She grasped the material of her leather jacket and bit the inside of her cheek. She tried imagining a world where everything was different to how it was now. How she’d imagined her life would be at the age of sixteen when she was a little girl. Full of joy and laughter and smiles. Of love. A tear slipped out of her eye then, and before she could even wipe it, her phone started blasting her ringtone. She groaned, reaching into her pocket and pulling her phone out to see that, unsurprisingly, it was Adora calling. 

Immediately, she declined the call. Going over to her contacts, she scrolled down the few that she had to one that just had a plug emoji. For a moment, she considered calling them—she knew she had to have some money lying around somewhere, but then her phone rang again. 

It was obvious she wasn’t going to stop calling, so Catra reluctantly accepted the call. 

“Catra?”

“What the fuck do you want?” she asked, not even trying to keep the disdain out of her voice. 

She heard Adora sigh on the other end. “Well I—I wanted to know if you were okay.”

Catra let out a dry laugh. “Okay? I’m fine, Grayskull. Great. It’s your friend that’s got the problem.”

There was some shuffling before Adora continued. “What Glimmer said was completely out of line, I know, and I’m so sorry, I didn’t think—”

“You didn’t think she was going to judge me like pretty much everyone else in that damn school? Then you’re even more of a dumb jock than I thought,” Catra’s voice cracked, but at this point she couldn’t find it in her to care, she was more than ready to hang up. But Adora continued before she could.

“No, I…I didn’t think she would be all up in your face. I know she isn’t a fan—she’s said more than once, believe me—but I don’t care, she doesn’t know you. She may think your bad news, but I don’t. I know you, Catra, and I like being your friend,” Adora replied in a rush, like she knew Catra was ready to check out of the conversation. 

Catra looked down at her nails. She’d finally gotten around to repainting them the other day. “You don’t really know me,” she said, almost in a whisper.

“I know enough.” There was a pause. Then, “Please, just—” Adora sighed again, though this time she sounded a little more frustrated. 

It took another moment for Catra to say anything. “Let’s just forget about today, okay? Go hang out with your buds, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

More shuffling. “Wait, I—” Adora cut herself off. 

“Yeah?”

“Nothing. It’s okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, D’riluth,” Adora said before hanging up. 

Lying back down, Catra took a deep breath. Just as her eyes fluttered shut again, she heard the sound of her doorknob turning. She sat up again, watching Diego enter her room. 

“Whatever happened to knocking, dumbass?” Catra said, a scowl on her face.

“Mom wanted me to tell you to finish your chores and that dinner is in the microwave,” he replied, ignoring Catra’s question. 

“Okay, whatever, I’ll do ‘em soon.” When Diego still didn’t leave, she blinked. “Why the fuck are you still here?” 

“I was listening to you talk on the phone,” he said, voice teasing, and Catra’s stomach dropped. 

“Well then next time don’t.” 

“The walls are thin, Catrina.” A grin spread across his face. “Who was it anyway?”

“None of your business, now fuck off.” Catra glared at him, hoping that would be enough to scare him off, but he pressed on.

“Was it your boyfriend?” He asked, taking a step closer to Catra. “Were you guys having a fight? Sounded intense.” 

“Ugh, shut up Diego!” Catra growled. “I don’t even—”

“You don’t what?” Diego raised an eyebrow, his grin still taunting her. 

Letting out a strangled groan, Catra threw a pillow at him, hard. When all he did was shout, “Hey!” she got up off her bed and shoved him even harder. He tripped on a shoe by the door, falling backwards onto his butt in the hallway.

“Stay the fuck out of my business, asswipe!” Catra yelled slamming the door shut.

Sighing once more, Catra ran a hand through her hair, which was uselessly tangled. It was due a wash anyway, and getting all the knots out would be good use of her time. But instead, she sank back down into her bed, and listened to the sounds of Diego clambering downstairs—no doubt to snitch on Catra—and Serenia doing the dishes and Abuelita enduring whatever kids show Benny was being kept entertained by. She felt so disconnected from it all. From this family.

For the rest of the evening, Catra stayed in her bed, music playing in her ears at a deafening volume, blankly staring up at the ceiling and running a hand up and down the material of her leather jacket. 

On Monday, they met a little later since Adora had a shift at Razz’s, which meant Catra spent her morning in her room, doing some of her homework and the early afternoon riding around the neighbourhood. Adora came to pick her up around four, and after yesterday, Catra was sure that it would be at least a little awkward, but Adora still greeted her with the same goofy smile and wave like she always did. She still got out of her truck and opened and closed the door for Catra, and she still insisted on Catra putting on one of her playlists for the ride. 

The drive to Bow’s house took just over thirty minutes. Catra spent most of it looking out of the window, bopping her head back and forth to whatever song was playing from her phone’s speaker. When a song came on which Adora actually knew, she would hum along quietly to it. Although Adora was definitely not an amazing singer, the soft humming was actually quite soothing—it put Catra at ease. 

The closer they got, the more Catra noticed how the houses seemed to get bigger, less cramped, in comparison to the ones of her street. It didn't surprise her, in the slightest. It seemed like all of the people in Adora’s circle were living pretty comfortably. As they approached his house (a large white and blue one at the end of the street) and Adora parked in their driveway, Catra stopped the music on her phone and looked over at Adora. 

Adora glanced back and forth between Catra and the house in front of them. 

“So…this is Bow's house. Nice, right?” she said, pitch just slightly too high. 

Catra nodded slowly, “Guess so. A little excessive maybe.” 

“Bow has a lot of siblings,” Adora said with a shrug. 

“Whatever. Cmon, let's go then,” Catra replied, reaching for the door handle. 

“Wait—” Adora stopped her, grabbing her wrist. Catra instinctively pulled away, and gripped onto her wrist as if it had just been burned, which made Adora frown for a moment. She almost said the apology that was lodged in her throat, along with a half ass excuse to ease Adora's anxieties. 

“What? Arrow is probably waiting for us,” was what she settled on, narrowly avoiding Adora's eyes. 

“I think that Bow can wait another minute,” Adora said, shifting a little closer. “Besides, you don't take me for someone who minds being late.” 

Catra's only response was a scoff. She was still looking just past Adora, out of the window where there were neatly trimmed bushes all lined up perfectly. 

It was agonisingly silent for nearly a whole minute. “Catra…” Adora started, “I know we kind of already hashed this out yesterday, but I just wanted to say sorry again for what happened. What Glimmer said was out of line, and although you didn't exactly help the situation, what she said was on her. I should have stepped in, or something, got her to stop and then maybe—”

“Grayskull, hey, like you said, we already hashed this out. It's cool. We can drop it. Is that it then?” Catra asked, suddenly impatient to get out of this truck.

“Were you okay?” Adora blurted out. 

“Huh?”

“When you left? Were you, um, like—was everything okay?” Adora couldn't seem to look Catra in the eye either, instead her eyes flitted back and forth between a loose strand of material from her jeans that she currently was twirling in her finger and vaguely in Catra’s direction. 

Now that Adora had clarified what she meant, Catra had wished she hadn't, which would have made it far easier to avoid answering it, to avoid really answering it. Yesterday, on the phone, had been an unintentional show of vulnerability, one Catra had hardly been able to contain, and one which Adora had actually noticed. That was the thing about Adora Grayskull—she kept surprising her. It seemed like she didn't notice much of anything, with her happy go lucky, goofy attitude, but she actually noticed more than people have her credit for, than Catra gave her credit for. It should have been a good thing, if it wasn't for the fact it was Catra being picked apart by Adora's subtle observations. Like she was something under a microscope.

Catra wondered what gave her away. Was it the instant burst of anger, annoyance; the way that had bled into her insecurities, or how her resolve seemed to crumble by the end of the conversation and because of it she forced out five words that spoke volumes to the truth about what kind of person she was? 

You don't really know me. 

Then there was Adora's reply. 

I know enough. 

Catra hadn't thought it was true when she'd said it. But maybe it could be. Maybe it already kind of was. 

She hadn't even realised Adora had continued speaking. “I just thought I'd ask because, well, I don't know, now that we're officially friends and all—”

“Adora,” Catra said softly. She forced herself to look her in the eye. 

“Yes?“ Adora bit her lip, and her leg was bouncing up and down on the spot. 

What possessed her to do the next thing she did, Catra didn't know, but she found herself reaching out, and placing a hand on Adora's knee, stilling her leg. 

“Hey, relax,” she said, lips curling upwards. 

Adora nodded, taking a deep breath. “Sorry, it's just—”

“Don't apologize. You haven't done anything.” Catra paused, hand sliding off Adora’s knee, considering what to say next. “Do you…do you still want me to answer your question?” 

She nodded again. “Yeah but, only if you want to.”

“Honestly?” Catra shifted in her seat, turning to face Adora completely, elbow leaning on the head of the seat. 

“That's kinda the point, D'riluth,” Adora replied, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Okay. Well, uh, not great then.” Catra waited for Adora to say something, to ask why, but all she got in response was a slight shift in her expression that almost immediately softened again. Adora’s focus was completely on her. Her steel grey blue eyes pierced through her and Catra thought briefly how it’d be much easier to be hopelessly lost in them, the way a sailor gets lost in the deep depths of the ocean, unable to find their way out, instead of having to explain herself under and open herself up to that scrutiny.

She considered lying, deflecting, or doing literally anything else but instead—

“It wasn’t just…What happened didn’t really bother me that much. I’m used to it. I’ve just not been feeling great, in general, I guess. Because of—things. So, yeah, yesterday didn’t exactly help. But it’s whatever.” 

That should have been the end of the conversation, but she didn’t move to open the door, didn’t dare to pull away from Adora’s gaze, not when she shuffled forward, placed a hand on Catra’s knee like she had done just moments before and said in a low voice, “Well you can talk to me okay? I’ll listen. I’ll listen for as long as you want me to.” 

Adora’s hand on her knee was a soft, comforting weight, anchoring her. Though, at the same time, it somehow burned, reminded her that she hadn’t experienced a gesture like this, such a gentle and sincere touch by someone in too long. Frankly, it didn’t just burn her knee—it burned her all over. 

She swallowed nothing, before nodding. “Sure. Can we, just, go inside now? We really need to get started on this project, Grayskull.”

“Okay, yeah, you have a point.” Adora instantly withdrew her hand, sliding back over to her side and opening the door. They both went inside without another word. 

Working on the history project at Bow’s house had unsurprisingly been even less productive than sitting in a cramped booth at Razz’s. 

Catra had also found out that the school librarian, Mr Archer—he insisted that she could call him George however—was actually one of Bow’s dads. Now that she knew, she realised how obvious it had been, from the clear resemblance to the last name. She also hadn’t known that Bow had two dads. It hadn’t exactly surprised her, but she obviously hadn’t expected it either. There was nothing wrong with it though, Scorpia had two moms. Or well—Catra shoved the rest of that thought back into a vault in her mind. 

The house itself managed to be even bigger on the inside, with a whole room for just a library, a garage and so many rooms that Catra had lost count as they made it past them all to get to Bow’s. She briefly wondered how many bathrooms they must have.

When they finally got settled enough to work, it was around five so they didn’t exactly have much time anyway, but it certainly wasn’t helped by Bow’s dads constantly checking up on them, asking if they wanted snacks. Both Catra and Bow declined their offer while Adora said yes, which surprised neither of them. 

Catra was still slightly confrontational when Bow mentioned or asked almost anything that wasn’t directly linked to the work, but Adora was always there to veer onto another topic, or to simply just reign Catra in with a touch on the arm, shoulder, leg. At one point he’d asked how the two had become friends in the first place, and it was odd hearing the words come from someone other than Adora or herself, because in her mind, their friendship only existed in a vacuum, no one else there to witness it. She supposed that used to be true, but not anymore.

Adora looked at Catra for an answer who only shrugged and responded with, “We’re in the same English class,” and left it at that, which wasn’t exactly the whole truth, but Bow didn’t need to know. That Friday night was somehow sacred, was the night where things shifted, were thrown off balance. It was a moment frozen in time that only Catra and Adora would know of. That night could stay in the vacuum.

At eight thirty they decided they’d had enough of looking at their computer screens. Although they hadn’t gotten as far as they’d wanted to, they’d still made enough progress that it would only take maybe a few more hours. Bow walked the two of them downstairs and said goodbye, giving Adora a hug and Catra an awkward wave, which she half-heartedly reciprocated. Catra was glad that Glitter hadn’t suddenly popped out of one of those bushes in the Archer’s driveway. Bow had mentioned her once or twice in passing conversation and something about her coming over, but as soon as she heard her name, Catra had tuned out of the conversation. She was probably coming on another day then.

The ride back home was peaceful. More than Catra figured it should have been. Maybe that talk before going into Bow’s house had helped things after all, and maybe it was as simple as being a little more honest. Though, honesty had never been a simple concept to Catra, rather, it had been something she avoided, something she feared. Yet, Adora Grayskull seemed to pull things out of her easier than most. When they finally pulled up at Catra’s house, Adora turned to face her. It always seemed like she had a thousand different things on her mind, on the tip of her tongue, and was unsure which would be the best to say. 

Tonight, she settled on simply saying, “Goodnight Catra.”

“Night, Adora.” In that moment, the urge to reach out—reach out and touch, hold her, to cling onto her—washed over Catra. Her hands itched to, and her heart ached, and if it wasn’t for Adora smiling stupidly at her, the feeling might have been wholly overwhelming, impossible to escape. Instead of doing any of the things her mind implored her to, afraid of the consequence, she just punched Adora in the arm, maybe a little too hand, and clambered out of the car before Adora could get her back. 

“See ya’ dork,” she said, tongue sticking out at her. 

“Whatever nerd,” Adora replied, then drove off. 

Catra stayed put, watching her disappear into the night, biting the inside of her cheek. 

Something had shifted between them, Catra had realised dimly on Wednesday night as she laid down in the dark messaging Adora. Whatever it was, she certainly didn’t mind it. The major thing that had made her notice it was how they had started messaging non stop. In the morning, when Adora was at training and Catra was at home; in the afternoon when Adora was about to get off work and Catra was trying to get through her math questions; in the evening, even though on Tuesday they had been at Bow’s finishing the project until late and today they had spent most of the afternoon together since Adora had an earlier shift. 

Adora should have been tired of Catra by now. But she wasn’t, and if anything, it seemed like she wanted to see more of her. 

“Shouldn’t you be spending your break with all your princess-y friends instead of working and hanging out with me?” Catra had asked as they sat in Adora’s truck, an episode of Avatar playing in the background on Adora’s phone. 

“I like working and I like hanging out with you,” she said with a shrug, opening a bag of Haribos. 

“Well…you’re not so bad either.” 

“Wow,” Adora smirked.

“What now?” Catra sounded exasperated.

Adora’s smile only grew as she said, “I can’t believe Catra D’riluth admitted to liking my company!” 

Catra stole the bag of Haribos from Adora. “Pipe down, Grayskull, or I’ll throw these all out the window.”

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Try me,” she flashed her own grin and Adora lunged at her. 

It was that moment in the past two days, along with many more that had made Catra realise now that she was more…comfortable than she had been before. With being more open, even if it was in the most Catra way possible, like with the small, deliberate touches that hadn’t been there before. Adora had definitely taken her mind off things in a way that she hadn’t anticipated—her being constantly there was nice, because as soon as Catra felt her mind wandering, Adora was there at the other end of the phone to send her a stupid meme or rant about her annoying coworker. Essentially, she was the perfect distraction. And she was Catra’s friend.

Now, it was a Friday afternoon. Catra had to go grocery shopping with Diego since Serenia was still working, Abuelita had a bad back and needed to look after Benny, and they were out of pretty much everything. Serenia had told her the other day that she needed to go out, but she’d been so preoccupied (messaging Adora) that it had entirely slipped her mind until Diego had come knocking on her door and she’d checked her bank account to see that Serenia had transferred some money over, as well as sent a list with all the exact items she wanted. Normally, she would have protested, refused to go, but all she did was groan, send a message complaining to Adora, then got ready and headed out with her cousin. Just as she was locking the door, her phone pinged. 

grayskull

[4:34pm] ur going shopping? no way, same!

[4:34pm] yeah, but w/ my bratty cousin :/

[4:35pm] ouch 

what did he ever do to u?

[4:35pm] trust me, if you ever meet him you would hate him too

[4:36pm] if? 

[4:37pm] yeah, if

because let’s hope you never have to

They caught a bus to get to the closest grocery store, which was still a twenty minute journey away, so Catra ignored Diego for most of the ride, listening to music and texting Adora. Diego had sat behind her, which in hindsight was a poor decision since at one point, when he had gotten bored with whatever he was doing on his phone, he looked over Catra’s shoulder, letting out an ‘Ooh’ when he saw that she was texting someone. She pushed him back into his seat, but when Adora had asked ‘why are so many vegetables and fruit phallic shaped?’ and Catra had to bite her lip hard to suppress the laughter bubbling in her chest, he leant forward again. 

“Did your boyfriend say something funny?” Diego asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

If it wasn’t for the fact there were other people around, Catra would have shoved him harder than before and told him to ‘fuck off or get fucked up’ but instead she hissed under her breath, “No, it’s just a friend. Now sit down and mind your own business.” 

“You have friends?” he retorted, and really, it should have stung, but those types of insults had stopped offending her months ago, leaving behind a dull, vague ache that was easily ignored. 

“Yeah, I know, crazy,” she said, voice monotone. “Now sit down before you break your ass and I get beat for it.”

He sighed and fell back onto his seat, disappointed that he wasn’t able to get a real rise out of her. Once they got to the grocery store, they got a shopping cart and made their way around trying to find everything on Serenia’s list. Diego had begged her to steer the cart, which Catra had no problem with since it meant she had a hand free to talk to Adora, who was still shopping apparently. 

They had gotten nearly everything on their list (not without Diego pleading for her to get Coco Pops and her refusing because it was a dollar or so more than the cereal Serenia had written down, among many other things), when Catra realised she’d forgotten to get some pasta and rice when they’d been by the aisle earlier on. As the two made their way to the aisle, Catra felt her phone buzz in her hand.

[5:36pm] why are there so many types of pasta???

She snickered at her phone, and was about to type a response, when she looked up and saw her—Adora Grayskull, in the very same aisle, glaring at all the different variations of pasta. Diego was a couple paces behind her, dragging the cart along which was now incredibly full. Her instant reaction was to grab the nearest pack of rice and turn back around before Diego could get here and do or say something to embarrass her, but, she knew that would probably be even more suspicious, and really, what was the big deal anyway? So, she took a breath, and strolled up to Adora with a smirk on her face as she said, “Spaghetti is the easiest to cook, so I’d go for that.”

Adora’s head shot up and eyes widened as if she’d just seen a ghost, before softening with recognition. 

“Hey, Adora,” she said, her smirk morphing into something a little more earnest. 

“Hey, hi! I knew you said you were going shopping, but I didn’t think—well I guess it does make sense since you live in Alwyn but—”

“Catra, can you please stop texting your boyfriend or whatever and take the cart? My twig arms can’t take it,” Diego let out a loud huff as he pushed the cart next to Catra, who was shaking her head, already regretting her decision, before looking at Adora, then Catra, and back to Adora again. 

“Wait a minute…you know Adora Grayskull?” his mouth was hanging open. 

“Uh…yeah?” Catra didn’t bother to hide the hint of confusion in her voice. “Grayskull, this is Diego, my little shit of a cousin, and Diego, well, you already seem to know her, for some reason.”

“Dude, are you kidding? Of course I do, she’s the captain of Bright Moon High’s lacrosse team!” Diego said as if Catra didn’t already know that. Of course she did, but she didn’t think that it was this much of a big deal. The fact it was didn’t surprise her at all however, with how well known she was just within their high school. 

“Yeah, no shit, smartass,” Catra grumbled, crossing her arms as Diego asked Adora a ton of questions about the sport. It was almost endearing, how interested he seemed, but Adora awkwardly scratching the back of her neck as she was bombarded with question after question was even more so. And how she genuinely wanted to answer all of them—Catra never had that sort of patience. 

Eventually, the questions dwindled down, and Diego said, “I still can’t believe your friends with a loser like Catra though.” 

Adora laughed, and Catra glared at her cousin, cheeks burning. She fought the urge to shove him in front of Adora, but her agitation had won out. Though just as she stepped forward, Adora said, “Loser? Nah, Catra’s actually super cool, trust me.” She looked at Adora, properly, for the first time in a few minutes, and found her staring back at her with a fond smile. 

Catra smiled back, only for a second though. 

Diego put his hands up, “Fine, fine, I’ll take your word for it then.”

Checking her phone, Catra realised they’d been standing around for nearly ten minutes. “We should probably, uh, finish our shopping off so—”

“How are you guys getting home?” Adora asked, and Catra cursed her kind nature.

“A bus probably, unless Catra wants to fork it out on an Uber,” Diego said before Catra could even think of a response. 

Adora glanced at their cart, which was nearly full, then back at Catra. “Well how about I grab the last couple things I need and I could drive you back?” 

“That’s uh, nice of you, but you don’t have to, really,” Catra replied, but she knew her efforts were fruitless. 

“I want to,” Adora said simply. 

“C’mon Catra,” Diego nudged her with his elbow. 

“Okay, okay, sure,” she relented, taking hold of the cart and pushing it forward, past both Diego and Adora. When she turned around and they were both still standing in the same place, she sighed. “Hurry up idiots, I don’t want to be here for the rest of the night.” 

Diego grumbled back some kind of a retort, but Adora picked up her basket and followed after Catra with no hesitation. 

Squeezing into Adora’s truck had been harder than they’d anticipated. They’d put all their shopping in the truck bed, careful not to mix theirs with Adora’s, but Adora’s truck was only really made for two people. Well, you could fit a third, in this case, Diego, but Catra much preferred when she’d had the space to stretch all her limbs out. Catra was sandwiched between Adora and Diego, with the seat belt digging into her uncomfortably. She didn’t really need to have it done up, since not only was Adora a good driver but also the journey wasn’t long at all though Catra much preferred it this way, even if it was uncomfortable.

Diego talked at Adora for most of the journey while Catra just sat back, mildly irritated by the whole situation. She was glad that the ride ended almost as quickly as it had begun, because she was sure that if she was there for any longer she would have strangled someone. 

“Thanks,” Catra mumbled when Adora parked in front of their house. 

“No problem—you need help getting stuff out the back?” Adora asked. 

Once again Diego beat her to it, opening the door and saying, “Sure!” before jumping out and slamming it shut.

Adora got out just after, and held the door open, looking at Catra expectedly. “Come on D'riluth, we don’t have all day,” she said, gesturing for her to get out of the truck.

Catra rolled her eyes in response, but shuffled over to the driver's seat and got out. Adora opened the back of her truck, and both her and Diego started gathering all of their grocery bags. Catra ended up grabbing a few too to make the process go quicker, placing the bags by their door. Adora had offered to help and put them inside, but frankly, even having Adora at her porch was closer than she'd been to Catra's house at any given time in the past few weeks. Diego didn't seem to mind putting all the bags into the kitchen (probably only because Adora was there), and Catra passed him a few to make it a bit easier. The whole time, Adora just stood there awkwardly, watching. Catra wanted to tell her she could leave, because it seemed pretty obvious she didn’t want to be here, but she waited until all the bags had been put away and she had forced Diego to go inside before shutting the front door and turning to face Adora. 

“You know you could've left, like, ages ago, right Grayskull?" 

“Yeah well,” Adora did that little shrug she always did. “I didn't mind.”

Narrowing her eyes for a moment, Catra said slowly, “Alright. Well, you can go now. And I should probably head in.”

She turned to go inside, when Adora grabbed her wrist. “Wait.”

Her grip loosened as Catra turned back around, and then her hand fell back to her side when Catra was fully facing her. 

“Yes?”

Adora bit her lip, as if she was considering whether it was worth saying whatever it was that was on her mind. 

After another few seconds, Catra tapped her foot on the ground, ready to force it out of her if she had to, but before she had the chance, Adora said:

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

Catra had assumed that they would go to their same talking spot in the car park of the nearby supermarket, but Adora must have wanted to switch things up, because they’d ended up in the park this time. The same one that Adora had showed up at on that Friday night to the surprise of a half drunk Catra. They were sitting on the same bench that Catra had messaged Adora on, thinking nothing would come from it and that she’d only embarrassed herself. Catra couldn’t believe how wrong she had been. 

Even though they had been talking nonstop for days now, and had seen each other just the other day, there was a palpable tension in the air, one that Catra wasn’t exactly sure how to deal with. The two of them sat a considerable distance away from each other, as they both stared at the empty space in front of them, listened to the sounds of cars driving down the road nearby. There were a few lights around stopping it from being completely dark, illuminating Adora’s features. After another few seconds of silence, Catra felt like if she didn’t say something, none of them would, so she cleared her throat and said, “It’s a nice night out.”

Adora seemed almost startled by Catra speaking as she snapped her head to look at her. “Yeah, it is.”

Catra’s gaze wandered away from Adora as she considered what to say next. “I can't believe we were at the same grocery store.” 

“Yeah. Well, I should have figured actually, I live pretty near to Alwyn,” Adora replied.

“How close are you then?”

“Oh, I live in Elberon.”

“Elberon? Dude, that's like, so close, I thought you lived somewhere closer to, like, the upper city.” Although, part of Catra had always thought Adora didn’t exactly fit in with all of the other princesses, who all probably had big three story houses in the upper city. Adora seemed much more humble than the rest of them, and the more time Catra spent with her, the more that proved to be true.

“Nope, definitely not,” Adora laughed, though it wasn’t her usual light or goofy one, it was short and dry. It made Catra shift in her seat.

“Diego's pretty cool,” Adora eventually said when Catra still hadn’t thought up a response. 

“Really?” Catra turned to face her again, a look of disgust on her face. “You think he’s cool, Grayskull?”

“Yeah, he seems really into Lacrosse—why hasn’t he started playing it? His age is a great time to start,” Adora said, also turning her whole body, leaning on the back of the bench.

Catra shrugged, “I don't know,” which wasn’t exactly true—she had heard Serenia tell him the exact reason why he couldn’t start playing a countless amount of times. 

Adora studied her face for a moment, before saying carefully, “Well, I, uh, have a ton of old gear I’ve been meaning to get rid of, but maybe you could ask him if he wants it? It’d be a good start.”

Catra hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “I'm sure he'd like that. I'll, uh, see what he says and get back to you.”

“Great!” Adora beamed.

“You can't seriously like him though,” Catra pointed a finger at her. “He legit called me a loser.” 

“He’s only a kid though, and I defended you.”

“Wow, well done for doing the bare minimum Grayskull,” Catra said, clapping her hands slowly. 

“Hey—I could've told him how big of a nerd you are and completely ruined your reputation, so consider yourself lucky,” Adora replied, grinning.

Catra scoffed but a smile had made its way onto her face. “Yeah. Sure you would’ve.”

“Why did he think you were texting your ‘boyfriend’ by the way?” Adora asked, and Catra felt her heart drop to her stomach. She hadn’t thought Adora had been paying attention to what Diego said (arguably nobody should ever pay attention to anything he says, ever) but of course she had, because once again, Catra had underestimated Adora’s observational skills. 

“Because he's a stupid kid who doesn't know what he's talking about.” She kicked some of the pebbles around her. “I don't know, when we started hanging around more, both him and Serenia convinced themselves that I was actually going to see some guy. It's stupid.”

She expected that to be the end of this conversation, but instead Adora said, "So…she doesn't know that we hang out?"

Catra looked up at her again and shrugged again. “She doesn't need to. It’s not like I talk to her about those kinds of things.” Or anything at all. 

“Does that mean your Aunt doesn't know then?”

“Know what?”

“That you don't like guys,” Adora said, voice low. Catra had to stop herself from flinching. This hadn't been brought up since that first time they had hung out, after egging her ex’s house, and even then, Catra hadn’t exactly wanted to talk about it, at least not at first, it was just something that she couldn’t leave out. Now, they were friends though, and Catra supposed friends talked to each other about this kind of stuff. That observation still didn’t make it any easier though, with how painfully obvious it seemed that she wasn’t used to being asked these types of things, that she wasn’t used to answering. 

“That? Oh, nah. I don't—it's not really any of her business, y'know?” Catra replied, staring just past Adora’s shoulder.

“Yeah, of course, I get it. How...how did you, like, figure it out?” Adora asked after a moment. 

“What?”

“That you were, you know—”

“Gay?” Even after all these years, saying the word still felt like lodging a golf ball out of her throat, still felt like acid on her tongue.

“Uh, yeah.” Adora shifted a little closer. If Catra moved an inch or so, their knees would be touching. She stayed perfectly still. 

Adora waited patiently for Catra to answer, or maybe she wasn't expecting an answer at all—but with Adora's eyes fixed on her, it didn't feel like she could avoid the question. Catra took a deep breath before she began. 

“I guess it was always kind of obvious. I never looked at guys the same way I look at girls—my first crush was some girl in like elementary, although I didn't realise at the time, and they just continued from there. I thought all girls had crushes on other girls at some point, that wishing I was a guy so I could be with them was what everyone did. When I realised they didn't, that it was weird, I spent all my time convincing myself I just wanted to be my celebrity crush and not be with them, until I actually kissed a girl for the first time. Then I couldn't exactly ignore it. I still tried to though. Especially when—well yeah, I tried to deny it for a while. But then, I guess I got tired. Of lying to myself.”

Adora listened intently the whole way through, leaning in close, nodding along. Now that Catra had finished, she sat up straight again, and she almost missed the warmth Adora gave off. But she was still looking at her dumbly—brows furrowed and a serious expression on her face that Catra wasn't really used to. When she didn’t say anything, Catra used it as an opportunity to ask a question of her own.

“So, uh, how about you? Not that I’m saying that you’re—but since you asked…” She cursed at herself internally when Adora's expression morphed into one of surprise, eyes slightly widening. 

“Oh, me? I, um—I don't really know. Is that weird? I just haven't ever really thought too much about it. I guess my main priorities are school, lacrosse, and work.”

“It's not bad. It’s actually pretty good, that you’re focused on other things,” Catra replied, but for some reason she felt this pang in her chest. 

Adora continued and said, “I mean, I don't know—I guess I have had crushes, I think, or at least it was some form of admiration but I just—”

"Hey, Adora, you don't have to explain yourself to me, okay?" Catra reassured her, hand briefly brushing her elbow.

“Okay," Adora nodded.

Finally, Catra steered the topic away from that and to something more comfortable. They laughed about stupid things, and argured over even stupider. Conversations with Adora always seemed to flow so well, like a stream, smooth and easy. Until a large rock or log would appear. The smooth stream had been interrupted once Adora had asked if Catra's had any plans next week, with Halloween coming up. The relaxed, open demeanor that Adora had seen for the past few hours had almost instantly closed up again, and she could hardly focus on what Adora was saying anymore. Next week. Those two words were playing in her mind on repeat. Adora hadn't seemed to notice at first, and continued rambling on about what everyone else was doing, how there was a big Halloween party happening. 

“—oh, if you want to you could totally come too! It would be so much—hey, Catra, you okay?” she asked when she looked over and saw Catra staring forward, a blank stare on her face. 

“Fine,” Catra said, still not moving an inch. 

“Are—are you sure?” Catra nodded. “You're not cold or anything? We can go back to my truck if you want.”

“Sure,” she got up off the bench and Adora followed after her. 

Once they were in her truck, Adora tapped the steering wheel a few times, then, “So, what do you say?”

“What do I say about what?” Catra asked, glancing over at her. 

“The party.” 

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Send me the details whenever,” Catra replied absentmindedly. Maybe a party would be good. Then, she thought to ask, “Whose party is it?” 

“Uh, I think it's Sea Hawk's—that's what we call him, you might know him as Seb. He's on the team.” 

“A princess party?” Catra scoffed. “Yeah, somehow I don't think that's gonna fly, Grayskull.”

“When have you ever cared about that type of thing though?”

“I don't, but, why bring someone like me—Horde scum—to a party like that?”

“Because—” Adora reached out, placing her hand atop Catra's, “I want to.”

Catra's heart drummed in her ears. It burned, it burned so much, her hand, her heart, her face. Maybe it was masochistic for her to want to hurt like this, to feel that ache. Because somehow it was also soothing her, reminding her of something that no one had shown her, really shown her, in some time: that she wasn't alone. Part of her wanted to pull her hand away, to scream, to shout, to cry, but she also wanted to turn her hand up and cling onto Adora's. In the end she settled on a middle ground—her hand limp beneath Adora's, unwilling to move but certainly not reciprocating the touch.

“Adora, people will talk. They already do,” Catra said, voice strained.

Adora squeezed her hand gently. “Let them. You're coming, okay? And we're gonna have a great time.”

Catra finally let her hand slip out of Adora's grasp. It felt useless now, limp against the car seat. “Fine. But if it's shit, I'm leaving.”

Adora smiled, satisfied. “If it's shit then we're leaving.”

“Promise you won't ditch me?” 

“I, Adora Grayskull, promise not to ditch you,” she said, hand on heart. 

Catra didn't know if Adora would stick to her word, or even remember it in a week's time, but the words gave her a sense of security for the meantime. “Sure dork.” 

They talked for a little longer before realising how late it was. “I should probably get back before Serenia gets on my ass about it. I'm surprised she hasn't blown up my phone yet,” Catra said, checking the time. Nearly ten. 

Adora was about to start her car when she turned to face Catra. “Before we go, can I ask you something?”

Catra had done enough of sharing tonight to last her a lifetime, yet she still found herself sighing out, “Yes?”

“Did you really get kicked out? Of Horde High?”

Catra should have been expecting this to come up once again. It was bound to. With all the rumours. Especially when Sparkles seemed to be a fan with how she brought it up on Sunday. In all honesty, Catra didn't blame her for being curious, and Adora had never pushed her to say anything she didn't want to before, so if she really wanted to, she could say she didn't want to talk about it and Adora would respect that. She recalled what Netossa had said about ‘opening up not being a show of vulnerability, but strength’, how it was important to have someone to confide in, that she trusted. Adora and her were close now, she liked to think, close enough that for the first time she didn't want to run away from the truth.

“Suspended actually,” she said side glancing at Adora. “I think it was like my third? We'd already moved here so I should've been going to BMH anyway. My grades weren't terrible, so Serenia pulled some strings because of the deal the two schools have or whatever and got me transferred halfway through the year.”

“What got you suspended the first two times?” Then, when Catra still hadn't said anything after a few seconds, she added, “If you don't mind me asking, that is.”

“Uh, the first was for breaking someone's nose and the second was for smoking weed in the bathroom, at a school dance,” Catra said casually.

“Wow,” was Adora's only response.

“Were you expecting less or more?”

“I'm not really sure.”

“Did the person you punched deserve it?” Adora asked, and the question actually made Catra laugh.

Catra thought back to the moment, and remembered what had provoked it, all the way back in eighth grade. “Yeah. I'd say they did.”

“Good.” Adora finally started her truck and set off. 

Once they'd made it to Catra's house, Adora paused the music they'd been listening to on the way. 

“Tonight was fun.”

“Your idea of fun is pretty strange Grayskull,” Catra said, tone light and teasing. “Thanks though. Not just for today, but this whole last week really.”

“Hey, that's what friends are for,” Adora replied, a soft smile on her face. Catra couldn't help but smile too.

Then she remembered her house was right there, and if she took any longer, Serenia would probably come outside to come get her, which she didn't need. “I should go,” she said, opening the truck door.

“Yeah, okay. Goodnight, Catra.”

“Goodnight, Adora.” 

Just as she stepped out of the truck however, Adora said, “Actually, wait—”

Catra turned back around and stepped up to meet Adora at eye level, “Yes?”

“We should have, like a handshake, you know, to greet each other and stuff.”

Chuckling, Catra said, “Are you five?”

“So what if I am?” Adora fired back. 

Rolling her eyes, Catra gave in. “Okay, sure dork. Show me.”

Adora beamed then, and it made Catra glad that she hadn't refused. It was an easy handshake, so easy that Adora only had to show her once before she could do it, with it being a fist bump and then a clasp of the hand. One could argue that it was hardly even a handshake. They said goodbye for the second time, before Catra watched Adora’s truck drive off into the night.

As Catra lay in bed that night, she found her mind wandering back to Adora's handshake, how they had held on for just a little too long, mismatched eyes staring into blue ones. How such a casual touch had brought back that burning sensation, that need to be closer. Worst of all, simply clasping Adora's hand like that had brought back another memory that had been buried deep in her mind. It seemed like recently lots of things were being unearthed that Catra would've preferred to stay under the surface. Though Catra knew that was practically impossible. 

Adora was a good distraction, but apparently not good enough. 

Chapter Text

Catra pressed her ear against the bedroom door and tried to decipher whatever it was that her mami was whispering over the phone. The only thing she knew was that it was her papi—it almost always was when mami looked at the name on her phone and sighed before answering, then shut herself in her room. Afterwards when she would come back out, she'd hand the phone over to Catra and say, “It's your papi, Catra, say hello.” Other times however she would sit back down on the sofa, in a more rotten mood than before. Even so, she would turn to Catra with a tight lipped smile on her face, her amber eyes soft, as if she was trying to reassure her. It’s okay, everything is alright, they would say. Most times, Catra believed her. 

On the days that Catra wouldn’t say hello to him sometimes mami would end up taking her someplace, maybe to lunch, or to the park—once they even went to laser tag with Leya, one of mami’s friends (“I totally beat you guys, the system is just rigged!” she had said when they had gone to get food at a subways after. Catra had stuck her tongue out and blown a raspberry, which made mami laugh and Leya pretend to sulk. “Teach this one manners Camilla,” she’d said while poking at mami’s side, which only made her laugh more. It had been one of the best days ever). On other days Catra would be stuck home watching TV, playing games, reading or drawing. But as long as her mami was there she didn't really mind.  

In the past few months, her papi had been calling less and less, and Catra was getting curious as to why. She'd never cared to listen before when mami would shut herself in her room to speak with him, although sometimes she’d still hear bits and pieces of the conversation when mami happened to get angry (though Catra never asked why, she didn’t want to in all honesty), but today curiosity had gotten the better of her. So she had crept as quietly as she possibly could to mami’s door and pressed her ear against it. She scrunched her eyes closed as if that would allow her to hear the hushed tones better—it sort of did, though she couldn’t tell for sure–and breathed slowly in and out, scared her mami would somehow hear her.

“...Victor, it's her birthday in a few days and you're only now telling me this?” 

Oh. 

She was talking about her. Parents who weren’t together often seemed to fight over their children. From things she’d heard from other classmates, she knew it wasn’t abnormal, but she’d never heard of any of them talk about how one of their parents lived hundreds and hundreds of miles away, stationed at some army camp.

There was a scoff, pulling Catra’s attention back to what her mami was saying. “I cannot believe you. It’s her ninth! How can you be so—How do you think she's going to feel?” 

She could hear mami pacing around as she let out a strangled groan, “No, no, don’t bother, I’m tired of your excuses…What the—what does she have to do with it?” 

Catra knew that whoever her papi was talking about on the other end of the line wasn’t her now, and although she couldn’t know for certain, part of her knew it was about Leya. Her papi had never liked her.

“I don’t know why I bother with you, it’s always the same,” she sighed. “I keep hoping you’ll, I don’t fucking know, change, or at least learn to tolerate—” her mami’s voice cracked and Catra felt her heart crack in tandem. 

Then she heard her laugh. “Bullshit. Listen, at the end of the day, Victor, she’s your child too, but if you wanna continue to be an asshole father, then you might as well stop being one entirely. Have a good day.” 

The sound of something hitting the floor. 

The sound of her sitting on the bed. 

The sound of a shaky sigh. 

The sound of a sob.

Catra couldn’t take it anymore. She turned the doorknob, and was greeted by the sight of her mami, head in her hands, holding back choked cries. Although she must’ve heard the door creak open, she didn’t look up, she kept crying and didn’t look up until Catra was in front of her, gripping both her wrists and slowly pulling them away from her face. Then, her head slowly tilted up. Her eyes were swollen and the makeup she’d been wearing was running down her face. Catra had seen her mami cry before, at movies, at books, out of joy and out of anger, but never like this. Her heart clenched again, and she felt it crack a little more. 

“Please don’t cry, Mami,” Catra pleaded softly, wiping a straggling tear from her face. The desperation, the worry, and the tears brimming out of Catra’s eyes as well only made her cry harder however. Catra didn’t know what else to do other than pull her mami into a crushing hug, and to keep hold of her until the cries subsided, until all that was left in its place was an ache in her heart that she didn’t know how to get rid of. 

***

It was a Sunday evening, and Catra had hardly left her room since Friday night when Adora had dropped her off after their evening park trip. All weekend had been terrible. It hadn’t surprised her, she’d been waiting patiently for the wave of sadness to wash over her as time grew imminently closer and closer to the day. But recently she’d been so busy trying to distract herself from this very day that it had hit her harder than she’d expected it to. 

On Saturday, at 3am, she’d woken up drenched in sweat from that dream; where she was trying and trying to do something to save her, to tell her, but it was no use, because she was just as powerless to her sickening fate; where she watched her be taken away from her, body lifeless and limp, and she screamed and screamed and called out to her; where there were strong bodies holding her small one back; where when she finally settled down, when the adrenaline wore off, an unbearable pain shot up her left arm. She took a cold shower that early Saturday morning, but it did nothing to rid that familiar feeling in her heart. On Sunday morning, the ache only pulsated further, so much so that she thought it would explode. She’d had a nice dream that time—being chased down a hill, wheezing and laughing, then getting to the bottom of it and climbing back up to do it all over again. It was like an endless loop of joyous squeals and screams echoing in the chamber of her mind, taunting her. When she awoke from that dream, it was impossible not to burst into tears, to clutch herself so tightly, nails digging into skin, that it began to hurt, to bite into her lip so hard it began to taste like copper. Hot and heavy tears poured down, and kept pouring down at 4am that Sunday morning. Catra was too weak to stop them. 

She also hadn’t talked to Adora all weekend, ignoring her messages and the existence of her phone altogether. Though, every once in a while, she would check to see how many messages, how many missed calls there had been. On Saturday morning it had only been two messages, by afternoon it was four, by evening it was ten and two missed calls. Now it was fourteen and five missed calls. Catra didn’t have the energy to feel bad about it, but she knew that once she had to face her in person she probably would then. Still, until then she’d ignore the inevitable negative impact her choices would have on her. Instead, she mustered up the energy to go get some more water and pee. It was nearly 6pm and because Serenia had been out for most of the day, Catra been left unbothered, which was frankly a miracle. Eventually, when she went downstairs to go to the bathroom and get another glass of water, she heard the sound of the lock turning. The door swung open, Diego clambering in and Serenia following behind him with Benny. Abuelita, who’d been sleeping, awoke then, greeting them as they shucked off their coats. Catra on the other hand, had no intention of making conversation with them and snuck back upstairs without a word. 

It wasn’t until an hour later that she had Serenia barging into her room, agitated. 

“Catrina, please tell me why there are your dirty dishes in the sink, and why absolutely none of the laundry for the upcoming week is done?” she asked, arms crossed at the doorway.

Sitting up slowly, Catra gave her a blank stare. “Didn’t feel like it.”

“Well, when you have school tomorrow it isn’t a matter of whether or not you felt like it. You’re just meant to do it. So go and do it now, otherwise you’ll have no clean clothes for tomorrow.”

Catra shrugged. “Then I just won’t go to school tomorrow, easy fix.”

Serenia scoffed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe—no, we are not going to argue about this. Just go downstairs, do the laundry, then you can come back up again. It’s simple.”

She waited. Catra didn’t move, hoping Serenia would let it go, only to be disappointed that instead of leaving, she continued. 

“You’re being ridiculous. I ask you for one thing, Catrina. One thing. All weekend you’ve hardly left your room and I've left you in peace, with the expectation that you do the bare minimum, but of course not!” Serenia threw her hands up in frustration.

“I mean clearly there’s a reason that I haven’t done the ‘bare minimum’, don’t you think?” Catra spat back. 

Moving closer to Catra, Serenia said, “You can’t just—sitting around and doing nothing doesn’t help anything. It just forces you to stew in the negative emotions, it gets you even more down.”

A dry laugh escaped from Catra’s throat. “It's not like you guys are any better. What have you all been doing this weekend? What have you been doing?”

“Catra, come on now, that is not—”

“Listen, I can do whatever I want to do,” she said, getting up then and shucking her leather jacket over her clothes—the same sweatpants and jumper she'd been wearing since Saturday. 

“No, you can't, not when it's affecting the rest of us,” Serenia stood directly in front of her now, and Catra wanted nothing more than to push her out of the way and be done with this conversation. 

She gritted her teeth together and held her ground. “Affecting you guys? Sure, but if I'm remembering things correctly, she was my mom, not yours.”

“And she was my sister!”

Catra felt her throat tighten, so she turned around and grabbed her phone and keys from her bedside table. “Well it seems like the only time you bring her up is to try and guilt trip me,” she said, back turned. 

“Now that is not—” Serenia's voice cracked, and she had to take a moment to compose herself. “Listen to me Catra, the anger, the grief, the hurt, we all feel it. And if you continue the way you're going, the more you let fester, the louder it will explode.”

Catra shrugged nonchalantly. “So what if it does? The only reason you act like you care is because you fucking have to. I don't actually matter.”

“Are you joking? How can you say that? If I didn't care I'd have let your father take you—” Catra bristled at the mention of him, “—or let you end up in the system.”

“Maybe you should have. I'm sure you regret taking me in, now. And I don’t blame you, Always the ‘problem child’ right?” she said, putting her earphones in her jacket pocket, then grabbing her beat up converses from under her bed and a pair of socks. She put them on is a hassle, afraid Serenia would try and stop her. She only watched her in disbelief and she shoved her shoes on, shaking her head, face contorted in what could only be described as burning anger. Catra stood up then, and walked out of her room, only for Serenia to follow her out. 

“Catra, this conversation isn’t over until I say it is!” she shouted as she raced downstairs to keep up with her.

“Nope, I think it is,” Catra said over her shoulder. She was already at the door and unlocking it.

“Catrina, don’t you dare walk out of this house right now.” Serenia’s voice behind her was low now, stone cold serious. It sent a shiver down her spine, but she ignored it. 

As she opened the door, she turned around to face her. “Or what? What are you gonna do? You're not my mom and you never will be, no matter how hard you try. Just stop.”

With that, she slammed the door shut. The house practically erupted with noise, with Serenia shouting—cursing in Spanish—and Benny crying. Catra decided to listen for a moment. It reminded her all too clearly of a younger version of herself doing the same thing, ear pressed to the door, waiting with bated breath. 

"...she is still hurting, you cannot be so harsh on her. She needs love, support,” she heard her abuelita say.

“Don't you think I've tried that mami?” Serenia’s voice sounded softer, like she was crying. “She doesn't want to open up. It's constantly a tug of war. No matter what I do—” someone’s car alarm setting off outside meant Catra didn’t catch everything she had said. She heard a loud sigh and then, “I don't know what to do with her.”

Catra bit the inside of her cheek as she felt her stomach flip. She didn’t want to listen to what they were saying anymore, she’d decided. Instead, she’d ride around on her bike until her hands were too numb to grip the handlebars. Grabbing her bike, she hopped on and rode away, ignoring the sting of her eyes and the incessant ache in her chest. 

Eventually, Catra stopped riding around aimlessly and settled near a row of convenience stores, sitting on a brick wall nearby. She sat there, jaw clenched, staring into the empty space in front of her, focusing on how if it wasn't for the glow of the store signs and street lamp that she'd be completely enveloped by darkness. Although, it already felt like she was.

She decided to check her phone, knowing it would only serve to make her feel worse when she saw the extra missed calls and messages. As she turned it on, she absentmindedly looked at the date and realised it was the 27th. 

Catra had practically forgotten that she was meant to turn seventeen tomorrow. She was so used to her birthday being overshadowed by the crushing reality that she was gone to the point where she would forget until the day was actually upon her. Maybe it would always be like this—so consumed by it and the fact she'd never be able to celebrate another birthday with her. That thought on its own made Catra never want to celebrate her own birthday again. So she didn't. And she hadn't for years now.

With a sigh, Catra checked how many more messages Adora had sent—no new ones, but there was another missed call. The call was fairly recent too, less than an hour old. Catra contemplated calling back, making up an excuse to reassure her and leaving it at that. But she knew Adora would ask questions, that after a whole two days of not responding, or even reading the messages that she would be worried, that she would probably see through Catra no matter how hard she tried to keep her a safe distance away, and Catra didn't want her concern. 

But of course, it was at that exact moment that her phone rang, and Adora's contact popped up on the screen.

Catra groaned, rubbing one of her eyes with the heel of her palm. She could just let it ring. It would've been easy to. To ignore it, to ignore her like she had all weekend, but instead she found her thumb hovering over the accept button, throat dry and stomach queasy. It must've been the cold getting to her brain, is what she told herself, as she answered the call. 

“Hello?” she said, phone pressed against her ear. 

She heard Adora let out a shaky exhale on the other end. “Catra, thank fuck—are you okay? Is everything okay? Have you seen how many times I messaged? I didn't know what happened, I was—”

“Grayskull, calm down. I'm fine. Didn't have my phone on me, Serenia took it, that's all,” Catra replied smoothly, though her voice definitely sounded more tired than usual.

Adora didn't seem convinced at all. “Are you sure that's it?”

“Uh, yeah, what other reason would there be?” Catra scoffed indignantly.

“I don't know, I thought that maybe you were, like, ignoring me or something. Or that something was really wrong,” Adora said, and softness in her voice made Catra's heart clench. Or maybe it had been because Adora was right. 

“Well it was neither, so you can rest easy now,” Catra replied, now eager to end the call. 

As if Adora knew it was coming, she said, “Wait, wait…why did she take your phone off you? And why'd you get it back now?”

Catra closed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth together. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“I don't see why.”

“Because Catra, I feel like you're not telling me the truth.” There it was. She should have known—she did know—that Adora would see right through her and her lies, but she didn't think Adora would outright say it. Catra felt her eyes sting and throat tighten again.

“I—” she didn't know what to say, whether or not to lie or tell her the truth, whether to hang up or keep torturing herself. 

“Catra, Catra?” Adora said when she still hadn't replied. Then Adora was quiet for a moment, “Are you outside or something? Where are you? Do you want me to come—”

“No Adora, I don't want you to do anything!” Catra found herself raising her voice. She could do this, she decided, she could lash out, shout, curse—it seemed like a better option than either telling the truth or lying at this point. “All I want is for you to leave me the fuck alone.”

“Catra, come on, don't do this. I thought we were—”

“What? What did you think? Because whatever it was, you were wrong, Adora. Okay? Just hang up.” 

She heard Adora let out a shaky sigh, then the call disconnected. Catra felt a tear roll down her face, then another and another, until it was too much to stop. The only thing she could do was wrap her arms around herself and grip onto the material of her leather jacket, squeezing her eyes shut tight, wondering if the pain in her chest would ever cease. 

It was only in the bitter cold air of the night that it really dawned upon her, that she truly realised how long it had been, since she'd heard her voice, her laugh, since she'd felt her touch. Eight years. Her mami had been dead for eight years now. 

***

After mami had washed her and Catra’s face, gotten rid of their dried tears, they sat on the sofa, in silence, watching tv like they had been doing before papi had called. Catra could’ve asked what he had said, what had made her mami so upset, and she would have told her. The problem is that Catra didn’t want to know, and that what she did already know was enough to stop her from asking anything else. Her papi didn’t care about her, it was as simple as that—the other details were irrelevant. Then mami got another call, though this time she didn’t go to her room to answer it and even smiled as she realised who it was. It must have been Leya then.

“Hey, how are you?” she said, sending a glance Catra’s way, who pretended to focus on the TV, but really she was more interested in her mami's phone call. 

“Today? Leya, I don’t know, we’re a little—really? Okay, okay, fine…let’s say an hour from now? Great. Yeah, you too, bye.” As she hung up the phone, she looked over at Catra again and smiled. 

“Come on lazy, we’re going out, go get changed.”

Catra’s eyes lit up at that, and she hopped off the sofa, about to run to her room when she was pulled into her arms. 

“Mami!” Catra squirmed but she only held on tighter. When she heard her mami sniffle, she stilled however, and listened as she whispered, “I’m so sorry you had to see me like that baby, that you had to hear all that. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay mami, really—”

“No, no it’s not,” she pulled back, grasping both sides of Catra’s face. “You’re strong, I know that, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard to witness. Just remember that your mami loves you very much. I love you so much, baby, and so does your abuelita and so does Leya, okay?”

Catra found herself sniffling too. She really didn’t like seeing her mami upset. “I love you too, mami.” 

In that moment, the ache subsided. 

 ***

Catra woke up on her birthday to a quiet house. Abuelita was sleeping, as per usual, Diego was minding his business for once, and Serenia had already left to drop Benny off at daycare. Despite what she’d said to Serenia yesterday, she was still going to drag her ass to school, only because today they had to present their history project. And as much as Catra wanted to avoid Adora until she was in her right mind or Adora got tired of her bullshit, she couldn’t fuck both her and Arrow’s grade over because she was having a shitty day. Shitty few days, really. History class was in second period too, so after that she would probably just skip the rest of the day. 

She went downstairs that morning to see that the laundry had been done after all, so she did have clean clothes to choose from. Black jeans, black T-shirt, black hoodie, and her leather jacket, is what she went for today. As she had breakfast that morning, Diego said nothing at all, eyes on his phone as he wolfed down his cereal, which wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, he wasn’t a dick all the time, but seeing as today was her birthday, well, she’d expected something, anything, even if it was a piss poor insult. It wasn't as if she cared though. 

Before she left, her abuelita called her over to the living room, giving her a kiss on the cheek and handing her an envelope. “Happy birthday, Catrina.” 

She opened the envelope, then the card inside to find cash stuffed in it. 

“One hundred dollars, just for you. Saved up a little each month.”

Despite everything, Catra’s heart warmed. She gave her a tight lipped smile. “Thanks, abuelita.”

“No need to thank me sweetheart, now get to school,” abuelita said, waving her along. She put the money back in the envelope and stuffed it in her bag, already knowing how she was going to spend some of it. 

When she got to school, she was immediately on high alert, afraid if she looked away for a second that Adora would pop out of nowhere and bombard her with a million questions like where did you go? Are you okay? What was wrong? Worst of all, she was afraid Adora would want to apologise, that she would think whatever happened yesterday was all her fault. So she was looking around every five seconds like some paranoid maniac, ready to duck into the first classroom nearby if she had to. First period, Catra got through just fine, although she didn’t really pay attention to a single word the teacher said, still wrapped up in an array of thoughts bouncing back and forth between them. Some about Adora, some about her mami, all the memories. Some about the accident.

Once the bell rang, Catra knew her time was up. She was going to have to present this project and that meant she couldn’t avoid Adora for much longer. As she got into the classroom, she sat in her normal seat, pointedly ignoring Bow’s gaze from across the classroom. It made her shift in her seat, especially since she couldn’t figure out why, not until Miss Shroom announced that they had to sit in their groups, and then it all made sense. Catra groaned, picked up her stuff, and moved next to Bow. Adora still wasn’t here. She wasn’t the type to be late to class, but the second bell had only just rang as she clambered in, so she supposed she wasn't really late.

“Hey guys!” she said out of breath as she sat down. 

Catra didn’t reply, but Bow made some comment about how it sounded like she’d just ran half a marathon. They made pointless conversation until Miss Shroom told them to quiet down. Adora kept trying to catch Catra’s gaze, but she made sure she didn’t spare Adora a single glance, knowing she wouldn’t be able to get through the period if they so much as locked eyes. It was almost easy to ignore her when her mind was on an entirely different planet, when she could hardly focus on the teacher's words, her explaining how the class was going to go. 

They were one of the first groups called up. Catra's job ended up being the most simple one—pressing the next slide to accompany their project. The only speaking she had to do was a few words at the end, but her mind felt so foggy, so cluttered, that the words had escaped her, and before she even had a chance to recover, Adora was reciting it perfectly, word for word, and while she was relieved she didn't have a chance to make a fool out of herself Catra still felt a spark of anger—did she know Catra was going to fuck up?

Once their presentation was over, Catra sat back down on her seat across the room and didn't look in Adora's direction once. She just wanted the lesson to be over. As soon as the bell rang she bolted out of the class, but apparently she hadn't been quick enough because just as she'd gotten into the hallway, she felt an arm on her shoulder. Catra immediately stiffened at the touch. 

“Catra, hi.” 

Catra slowly turned around to face her, sighing. “What Grayskull? I have to get to class.” 

“I know, I know, so do I but it's just…” she took a step forward. “Are you okay? You seemed a little—”

“Jesus fucking christ, I'm fine Adora,” she said a little too loudly, attracting a few glances from other students. “I'm fine, just mind your own business.”

Adora frowned. “You don't seem fine. You didn't seem fine yesterday either. You look tired, Catra.”

She supposed she wasn't wrong. Her eyes were even more sunk in than usual, due to the lack of sleep she'd gotten in the past few days, she had barely tried to tame her hair this morning and her voice sounded smaller than usual, almost broken.

“Well, what high schooler isn't?”

The bell had rang. Most students were already in their classes. 

Adora bit her lip. “Catra—”

“Adora! There you are!” Glimmer waltzed up to Adora slinging an arm around her shoulder before regarding Catra with a look of disdain. “Oh, you're here.”

“Well I was just leaving, so don't pop a blood vessel Sparkles,” Catra said, turning on her heel and flipping her off. 

She heard Glimmer mutter something under her breath, before announcing loudly that her and Adora had to go to their next class. Catra made the mistake of turning back for a moment, meeting Adora's eyes. The crease between her brows and frown on her face made Catra's heart ache similarly to how it had been all weekend. So she did the only thing she knew how to do—bit the inside of her cheek and tried to ignore it as she made her way to the next class. 

The next two periods went by in somewhat of a blur for Catra, but still slow enough that she regretted not skipping the rest of her classes right after that god awful encounter with Adora. She couldn’t focus on the work, what anyone was saying, and bit into her lip so hard for the duration of both periods she began to taste copper. When it was finally lunch, Catra didn’t even bother going to the cafeteria, and instead headed straight to Netossa’s office, ready to get their weekly meeting over with. She sat down in the armchair, put her bag in her lap and wrapped her arms around it as she waited for Netossa to get there. For a moment, she contemplated going on her phone, but quickly decided against it when she remembered that Adora might have left more messages or calls. After a couple more minutes, Netossa came bustling into the room, a bag in one arm—most likely her lunch—and folders under the other. 

As soon as she noticed Catra, her eyes widened slightly. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not always a lowlife who's constantly late.”

“You’re not a lowlife at all.”

She didn’t bother replying and opted instead to look down at her shoes. 

Netossa placed her stuff down on her desk, sat down, then reached into her bag. She leaned across her desk and handed her a chocolate bar. “Here—I heard it’s your birthday.”

Catra stared at it for a moment, before putting her bag down and hesitantly reaching out to take it. “Thanks, I guess. But you didn’t hear about it, it’s probably on a file somewhere.”

“You got me there,” Netossa said, putting her hands up, “but still, got any plans?”

She scoffed. “Course not.”

Catra had a feeling that Netossa already knew that. She probably had an extensive file on her—from where she lived to who she lived with, to who she didn’t. Which meant she knew there was almost no way that Catra would be doing something. Her birthday wasn’t exactly a celebratory day that would warrant it. 

“Listen, I know this time of year is hard for you. And you don't have to talk to me about it, Catra. Not if you don't want to. But—”

“Yeah, well I don't,” she snapped.

“But tell me this: when was the last time you spoke openly about your mom with someone?”

Last school year, her old guidance counsellor had tried to push her into talking about things, which never exactly ended well for them, but so far this year Netossa had been nothing but patient, but still blunt enough that she didn’t come across as disingenuous. It was both frustrating and refreshing. Frustrating because she wanted nothing more than to hide away from the things that scared her but refreshing enough that she could feel her shell slowly cracking, that she found herself wanting to be more honest. Not just with others, but with herself. 

Catra picked at some loose skin by her thumb nail. Then, “I don't know.”

“See that? That's a problem. And I know it can be hard, but the last time I saw you, you were doing pretty well. Correct me if I'm wrong, although I don't think I am, but it was because you'd made a new friend, right?” Catra nodded slowly, still not looking her in the eye. “And you seem pretty picky with who you let into your life, which means you must trust them a great deal.”

“Your point?” she said, looking her in the eyes then. Netossa wore a hint of a smile on her face, encouraging, supportive.

“Open up to them. I'm sure they want you to.” 

“Yeah.” Catra scoffed again. “Sure.” Even though the bell hadn’t rang, she got up to leave. 

Just as she reached the door, Netossa added, “Don’t clam up, okay? I’ve been there, trust me. You’ll feel better once you actually talk about it.”

Catra decided against replying, and instead slammed the door shut. She still had most of her lunch period left, but it hardly mattered when she knew she wouldn’t last two more periods of work, not to mention that Adora would most likely—

“Uh, hey, hi,” Adora said, tugging the straps of her bag with a nervous kind of smile as she stood in front of her.

Cursing herself internally for forgetting that she had told Adora she had meetings on Monday, Catra screwed her eyes for a moment then said, “What do you want now, Grayskull?”

Within a second, her demeanor almost completely changed. “I think I know what’s wrong,” she replied, voice low as she leaned down slightly. 

“You…you do?” Catra felt her stomach drop. It was possible she was bluffing, or that she’d just heard someone say something that was entirely false. There was one possibility however, one plausible possibility, that she didn’t even want to consider. 

Adora nodded and said, “Don't be mad, but I asked Scorpia and she told me that today's your birthday.”

Catra almost let out a sigh of relief. If that was it, then she could work with that. The fact Scorpia had said anything at all still worried her, still made her wonder if she had said anything else, but she figured that if she had, Adora would have mentioned it by now.

“And I totally get it—not liking them,” she continued, “But, I was thinking that maybe we could still do something, like just the two of us?” She looked away for a second, waiting for an answer. 

Catra couldn’t help but scrunch up her face at the request. After everything, Adora still wanted to hang out with Catra, was trying to cheer her up, even though she had been a massive asshole? It perplexed her to no end, mostly because it felt so undeserved. When she still hadn’t responded, Adora tugged on the sleeve of her jacket, practically pouting as she said, “C’mon Catra, we could go right now if you want? Please, it’ll be fun.”

It would’ve been easy to say no, to walk away, to shut down completely. But Catra considered Netossa’s words, and the possibility that talking about it with someone, someone that she trusted, could help, could make her feel better about it, even if it was hard. And most of all, she didn’t want to shut Adora out. She was the one person who really tried. Tried to understand her, tried to make her smile, tried to be there for her. It was Catra that made it more difficult for her. 

Swatting her hand away, Catra let out an overdramatic groan. “Okay, Grayskull, you win. Lead the way.”

“Great, let’s go!” Adora said, grabbing her wrist, practically ready to run down the hallway to her truck.

Catra stopped her. “Could we make a pit stop though?”

“A pit stop?”

“Well…it’s more of a pick up,” she said with a smirk. Adora furrowed her brows in reply, staring for a moment longer before her eyes widened in realisation. 

“Ohh, it’s—” she shuffled closer and lowered her voice, “it’s weed, right?” 

“Wow, you got it quicker than I thought you would, Grayskull.”

“Hey! I knew what it was, I was just, y’know, confirming.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Right. Sure you were. Now let’s get out of here.”

***

Despite the October weather, they ended up going to the park with Leya. Catra climbed on the monkey bars, slid down the slides with Leya and got her and mami to take turns pushing her on the swing. Eventually, like many things did, it turned into a competition to see who could push her the highest. She was pretty sure Leya had actually won, but because mami had had such a hard day she decided it was only fair that she won. Leya didn’t seem to mind losing for once, and awarded mami with a hug and a wet kiss on the cheek, which made her squirm away and laugh. It reminded Catra of when she would do the same to her. Although she hated it in the moment, now she couldn’t help but look back at those times and smile. 

After, they went to a cafe nearby and had sandwiches and cookies—mami got ham, Leya got BLT and Catra got tuna and cucumber, though she took the cucumber out. Mami scolded her for it, but ended up eating the cucumber herself, so she wasn’t really annoyed about it. It was around evening time when they strolled home, with Leya and her mami on either side of her, holding each hand and swinging their arms back and forth like she was a little kid. Even though she wasn’t anymore, she didn’t mind. Catra was just happy to see her mami smiling.

When they got home, Catra changed out of her clothes and wiggled herself between Leya and mami and watched tv with them until she dozed off and woke to find herself in her bed. It was pitch black in her room, but she could see light peeking out from underneath her door. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was definitely late. Yawning, she was about to try and get back to sleep when she heard hushed whispers—it reminded her of when mami was on the phone with papi just this morning. Only this time, she couldn’t just hear one voice. There were two.

“Please, Leya, can you do this for me just this once?”

“He’s never going to accept it you know. I don’t know why you think that ever will.”

“I know, I know, but I just thought that maybe—”

“Camilla, there’s always a ‘but’ or a ‘maybe’ when it comes to him. Don’t you think it’s time to give up?” Leya’s voice had crept up above a whisper now.

“No, I can’t. I can’t,” mami’s voice followed suit, and Catra could hear the strain in hers, as if she was holding back tears.

“Why not?”

“Because—he’s the father of my child! Catra needs him.”

“Needs him? She’s been doing fine without him.”

“But—”

“But what? I’ve done more than Victor ever has! When are you going to see that?”

“What? Of course I see that, I see how much you—”

“No you don’t! Not once he comes around unexpectedly, when he calls, then all of a sudden you’re wrapped around his finger again. I’m tired, Camilla. I’m tired of it.”

“...I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded small, like Catra’s when she had to apologise for pushing a classmate into the concrete.

A laugh. “Yeah, only until the next time it happens.” Catra heard shuffling, then footsteps.

“No, no, I won't let there be a next time, please don’t—”

“When you’ve finally told him to fuck off, then we can talk.” There was the creak of a door.

“Leya, come on, you’re being dramatic, don’t do this, stop—”

“Five years! It’s been five years of this Camilla. I don’t want to be jerked around anymore.”

Catra heard the door slam shut. She heard her mami let out a small whimper, then a sob. Then another and another and another followed. It was happening again. Catra didn’t know if she could comfort her this time, how to comfort her. So she laid there, in the dark, listening to her mami’s cries. When her mami died a few days later, and Catra realised that these were the last few words her and Leya had exchanged, her heart didn’t just ache anymore—it had completely shattered. 

***

After stopping to pick up Catra's birthday present of sorts, and some food from McDonald's, Adora drove them to the Whispering Woods, through a tight driveway that Catra had never even known existed, despite having biked around here before. When Adora finally stopped the truck, Catra looked around, unsurprised to find she didn't recognise where they were in the woods at all. She knew that they were somewhere near the edge of it, with a view overlooking part of the city that was peaking through the trees. 

They settled in the bed of Adora’s truck. For a moment, Catra just listened: to the sway of the trees; to the rustling of bushes as animals scuttled around; listened to the birds flapping their wings; to the distant sound of the city. Up here, away from everyone else, she felt calmer, her head didn't feel as scrambled. That she wasn’t in an infinite loop where she was falling down a dark pit of misery. That she could do something about it. She glanced at Adora then, who was focusing on taking out their food and dividing the fries they bought equally (they both agreed that getting one large portion was better as it saved money). 

Catra decided that while Adora was doing that she might as well roll herself a joint. It had been a while since she’d smoked, since Serenia had been on her case more than usual at the start of the school year, but also because she hadn’t really felt like it. She supposed that was because things were just about bearable, even at the start of school when she was still very much alone. Once she met Adora however, they became better than bearable. It was only really in the past week or so where she had felt the itch to smoke again. Her mind had been racing nonstop and she wanted something to slow it down, mellow it out. Especially right now. She didn’t think she’d be able to get through a conversation with Adora if she wasn’t at least a little high. She was looser, more malleable even, when she was high, which wasn’t always a good thing—in fact sometimes Catra hated the feeling, hated being that way around other people—but she trusted Adora. 

As Catra took a drag, Adora watched her curiously, as if she’d never seen someone do it before. Catra guessed she probably hadn’t. She thought about asking if Adora wanted to try it, but didn’t want to put any pressure on her to do it, and frankly, she was happy smoking it all herself, and Adora seemed happy just watching, munching on her fries.

It didn’t take long for the weed to kick in.

By the time her joint was too small to smoke, and she was digging into her food as well, she felt considerably looser, in comparison to how tense she’d been feeling just an hour before. Everything was a little easier now—conversation came easy, and she found herself giggling at even the smallest of jokes. Once they had finished their food and there was nothing else to occupy her mind with, Catra was reminded of why she’d agreed to coming here in the first place. 

“How’d you…you know, find this place?” Catra asked, waving a hand at their surroundings.

“Oh, well I used to play here a lot when I was younger, so I pretty much know everywhere there is to go,” Adora replied as she put their trash into one bag. 

“Nice, nice,” Catra nodded and Adora laughed. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just—you act different when you’re, y’know—”

“High? Well duh. If I didn’t that’d be kinda boring, don’t you think?”

Adora considered what to say for a moment. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Catra wasn’t sure what else to say, and it seemed like Adora didn’t either. Then she remembered again—there was something that she should be saying. She bit the inside of her cheek, looking down at Adora’s shoes instead of her face. They were a red pair of converses, beat up and worn like hers were. 

“I was a dick,” she started, “yesterday, on the phone. And earlier today.”

Adora shifted a little so her whole body was facing Catra’s. “It’s okay. I get it.”

Catra shook her head and laughed a little. “I don’t think you do.” 

Shuffling closer, Adora said, “Then help me get it, Catra.”

Catra closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Even high, she didn’t know if she could do it. She decided to start easy, maybe build up to it. “Birthdays kind of suck. Or, well mine do. No one really cares about it. No one even said happy birthday today. Apart from my abuelita. But that’s not—I don’t just hate my birthday for the sake of it.” She could feel her heart racing.

“Yeah, I kind of thought there might be something that, I don’t know, made you not want to celebrate it. I didn't want to intrude though.”

“Well it’s only fair that you know, after I kinda lashed out on you, but it’s just—” she could feel herself growing frustrated at her own inability to just say the words. “It's just so fucking hard.” 

Her fists were clenched at her side, and her eyes were shut tight again, willing tears not to leak out of them. 

“Hey, take all the time you need,” Adora said softly, leaning forward to place a hand atop Catra’s clenched one. She unfurled it slowly, and even when she did, Adora’s hand was still on hers, clinging on tightly. She focused on their hands as she spoke, her vision getting a little blurrier as they filled with tears.

“Okay…alright well—” how does she say it? “—it’s about my mom. Yesterday was the anniversary of her—” her throat was suddenly dry as she choked on the words, words she hadn’t uttered in years. “—her death.”

Adora’s eyes were trained on her the entire time, she could tell out of the corner of her eye. But when she looked up, she really noticed that Adora’s eyes, usually so bright and clear, were wet with tears as well, as she said, “That’s—I know that you live with your aunt but I just thought that—I guess I assumed...oh god. I'm so sorry, Catra.”

Catra let out a wet laugh. “S'fine. Don't apologise. You didn't know. Anyway, my birthday's kinda tied to that now, which makes it pretty hard to celebrate.” She pulled her hand away from Adora’s then, gripping her wrist. 

“How, uh, how old were you?”

“About to turn nine,” Catra said without hesitation. She thought back to that day—eight years ago now—all the chaos, the anger, the tears. The wishing it was all a nightmare, a joke, that her mami would wake up and tell Catra that everything was okay, I’m here now. She wiped away a few tears.

“Fuck…” Adora breathed.

“Yeah, it wasn't a great birthday.”

Adora hesitated before saying, “Mine, um, my mom, she died when I was four. So I don't really remember it. Or her, really. I just remember crying, asking when she was gonna get back and my dad shouting that she wasn't, ever.”

The thought that Adora had to deal with a concept as heavy as death at an even younger age than she had made her heart sink. That urge to reach out, to close the distance between them, to grip her tightly, to cling onto the material of her letterman jacket and whisper, I see you, I understand you, I’m here for you and whatever other nonsense she could think of, hit her again in that moment. But Catra did nothing of the sort.  

“Uh, wow,” was all she could manage to say.

“I guess you didn't expect that, huh?”

“No, not at all. I guess I've made some assumptions too.”

“Well. It's okay now.” 

“Yeah. It is.” 

“See—I knew we had more in common than you thought.”

“Usually that applies to interests and shit though, not dead parents.”

“Okay yeah, but who says we can’t bond over this? I’d say we are.”

Catra snorted, “Sure, Grayskull.”

“C’mon, D’riluth, admit it,” Adora said, leaning over to shove her on the shoulder. Still high, Catra couldn’t move quick enough, and Adora laughed as her back hit the truck. Catra lunged forward to shove her too, but her movements were too sloppy and Adora was too fast, now jabbing her in her arms and legs and stomach until Catra cracked up. 

“Okay, okay, we are bonding. We are absolutely, one hundred percent—Adora, stop you’re basically tickling me!” she said, breathless, tears momentarily forgotten. 

Adora finally backed off then, sitting back down, legs crossed, knees nearly bumping with Catra’s instead of being crouched down. 

“So, uh, what about your dad?” she asked, playing with her own hands in her lap.

Catra scoffed bitterly. “He might as well be dead.” Talking about her mami was one thing, but him—she tried not to think about him at all.

“So he’s not good then?”

“Nope,” Catra said, sharp and short, making it clear he wasn’t going to be the topic of conversation for any longer. 

Adora seemed fine with it, saying, “Mine's okay. I guess. I don't know. I don't think he's ever been the same since my mom died, but that's understandable.”

“I don't think I'm the same as before either. I was so much more—I don't know. I had something that I don't have now,” Catra admitted, surprising herself. Those are words she had hardly let herself think, and now she was saying them aloud? She wanted to chalk it up to the weed, but she knew there was something—someone—else that was allowing the words to flow out of her as easy as water going down a river stream.

“Catra?” 

“Yeah?” She looked up at Adora then, and was greeted with an apprehensive expression, eyes that couldn’t quite seem to focus on her face.

“Could I—can I hug you?” she asked, so quietly, meekly, as if she thought Catra would say no. A few weeks ago she might have, but now, after baring her heart out, after shedding tears in front of her, after admitting things she never thought she could, the only thing stopping her was the hammering of her heart.

Catra blinked, then realised she was meant to say something. “Uh, sure, go for—”

Adora surged forward then, arms flying around her neck. Stunned by the sudden contact, Catra's arms hovered awkwardly over her waist, but the tighter Adora clinged on, the more she melted into it. Adora was warm, solid yet gentle, that it was impossible not to cling on with the same unspoken desperation in her touch. Head buried in her neck, and hands gripping onto Adora’s jacket, Catra felt her eyes begin to tear up again, and she was helpless against the wave of emotions that crashed over her as Adora whispered, “I'm here for you Catra.”

Her heart ached and soared all at the same time. Was this what she had been missing? In the past week when she had fought the urge to reach out, to hold on to something, to someone, is this what she'd been fighting against? Now, in the safety of Adora's arms, she couldn't possibly understand why she'd deprived herself of this. Maybe if she hadn't resisted all of this time things would’ve been different. It didn't matter now though—wrapped up in Adora, in Adora's scent and Adora's arms, she felt like she was able to breathe properly for the first time today. 

It was only once she let go that she felt like she was suffocating again. 

The pair ended up talking for a couple hours longer, that by the time they left the sun had set and it was nearly Catra’s curfew. When Adora finally pulled up at Catra's house, she couldn't ignore the fact she was probably going to have to face Serenia after what happened yesterday. She was tempted to ask Adora to drive around some more, to go to their spot in the supermarket car park, just so she could avoid it all for a little longer. But she didn't—Adora probably wanted to go home and she couldn't avoid her problems any longer. 

She looked over at Adora. “Hey.”

“Hey. Thanks for coming out with me today, and for telling me about your mom. I appreciate it,” Adora replied, a small smile on her face. 

“Don't thank me, dumbass,” Catra pushed her on the shoulder. “I should be thanking you…”

“Well, you can, if you want,” Adora replied, her smile growing into a smug grin. 

Catra's expression turned serious for a moment. “Thank you so so much…for buying me greasy food.”

Adora's face fell and Catra cackled as she muttered ‘asshole’. 

“Today was fun though. Better than I'd thought it'd be. So thanks—for being there.”

“That's what friends are for.” 

Catra finally opened the truck door to leave, but not before Adora stopped her so they could do their brand new handshake. Even as she rolled her eyes and complained about how stupid it was, she liked having something that was only between her and Adora again. It was like they were back in their own bubble with just the two of them.

“Catra?” Adora called just as she was walking up to her door. She turned around to see Adora leaning out of her window. “I don't think I said it yet so—happy birthday!” 

Shaking her head, Catra smiled. “Thanks Grayskull. See ya.”

She watched as Adora drove off before going in, trying to be as quiet as possible, which wasn't hard with the TV blasting whatever soap opera abuelita was watching. As she crept past the living room to get to the kitchen (she was starving since she'd skipped out on lunch) she saw Serenia sitting there, eyes focused on the screen as she watched along. Catra stared for a moment too long however, because Serenia's turned sideways then and caught her. She'd expected her to get up then and reprimand her for coming home late on a school night, for not messaging her about it, for smelling like weed (Catra didn't see a point in trying to cover it up), but it never came. Instead, she just looked at her with those sunk in eyes—somehow she seemed more tired than usual—before turning her attention to the TV without another word. 

Huh. Silent treatment. That was new. Catra wasn't exactly sure what to make of it, especially not when she got to the kitchen to find a packet of her favourite store cupcakes on the counter. Serenia must have bought them for her. Maybe it was a peace offering, one that Catra would certainly enjoy, but she couldn't find it in herself to go up to her and apologise. She'd only said the truth—albeit a little harshly. So she took the pack of cupcakes upstairs and didn't dare look back into the living room, hoping Serenia hadn't noticed her creeping upstairs. Catra knew that was impossible though, but as long as she didn't turn around, she could convince herself otherwise. 

Just as she was about to open her door, she heard another one creak open and turned to see Diego standing in front of her, hands behind his back. Her eyes narrowed.

“What do you want, dipshit?” she said, quiet enough Serenia wouldn’t hear.

“Well,” he took a step forward, mouth in an uncharacteristically straight line, “I wanted to give you this.” Diego held out a card and a chocolate bar. “I know you’re not big on surprises but, happy birthday.”

Catra stared at it for a moment before hesitantly taking it from him. “Thanks Diego,” she replied slowly. 

She turned to her door again, but then: “Catra?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about mom. She’s trying—she really is but…she’ll never get what you went through. No one can.”

Catra went into her room without another word. 

As she sat down on her bed, exhausted, she decided to give Diego’s card a read. It was made of flimsy paper and had a drawing with balloons surrounding a grumpy Catra in the middle. She had to admit, the drawing was pretty good since that’s what Diego spent most of his time doing when he wasn’t talking to his friends or watching anime. She opened it up to find more little illustrations on the inside, and a fairly short message. As she read it, she felt her eyes well up. 

“Idiot,” she whispered to herself.

Somehow, this had turned out to be the best birthday she’d had since before mami’s death. That thought only made her cry harder. But unlike before, these tears were more comforting than suffocating. 

Because Adora insisted on continuing their Tuesday tutoring sessions, despite having had her lacrosse practice moved to Tuesday as well, Catra found herself sitting in the bleachers, feigning boredom with her phone in hand when in reality, watching the team practice—well, mostly Adora—was quite interesting. At first, she was worried everyone would stare and gape at her like they had done last time, but other than a few guys on the team who'd stared for a moment when Adora had brought attention to her by waving, everyone else minded their business. They were playing a match, half of the team in blue jerseys and the others without. Catra didn’t know much about the rules, but frankly she didn’t have to when it was clear Adora’s side (blue jerseys) were dominating. She was scoring shot after shot with practiced ease, barely breaking a sweat. Glimmer was on the opposing side and it was funny to see her rage at her goalie every time they let another shot in before the couch reigned her in. And Scorpia, who was in goal for Adora’s side, was practically a brick wall. If they were actually talking, maybe Catra would have gone up to her afterwards and told her how impressive it was, even if it took a bit of coaxing. But they weren’t. So she stayed glued to the bleachers, gaze plastered on her phone as she waited for Adora to get changed.

Once Adora was done, they hopped in her truck and drove to Razz’s. The drive there was quiet, which wasn’t out of the ordinary for them, but Adora seemed more distracted that usual, answering with ‘huh?’ or ‘what?’ every time Catra asked a simple question. Although Catra was also equally distracted, mind in a million places as per usual—still stuck in the past, always stuck in the past—that it was easier to latch on to the most recent thought. She was friends with Adora, and Scorpia seemed to be friends with Adora too, which meant there was only so long until their paths crossed again. But what if Scorpia didn’t want to talk to her? If she ignored her? Or worse, she felt obligated to be Catra’s friend again? What if nothing had changed? What if she hadn’t—

“Catra? We’re here,” Adora said, nudging her. 

“Oh, yeah, come on then,” she moved to get out of the truck but Adora stopped her, grabbing her by the arm.

“You’re distracted,” she said plainly.

Catra scoffed. “So are you.”

“Well—okay yeah, maybe.” 

“What’s on your mind?” 

Adora shifted in her seat. “What’s on yours?”

“Adora.”

“Catra.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll go first.” She considered what to say for a moment. “Lots of things. Mostly the past, I guess. Things I did. And my mom, of course.”

“What about her?” Adora asked.

“The first few days after her death. How they tried to get on with my birthday as if it was normal. I ended up throwing the cake on the floor and was in my room for the rest of the day.”

“Sounds like you.”

Catra nodded, a sad smile on her face. “I certainly made it a birthday to remember. What about you Grayskull? What’s on your mind?” 

“You,” she said almost immediately before her face lit up in panic. 

“You’ve been thinking about me? Aw, how sweet,” Catra’s drawled, teasing her.

“No! Not—not like that, well, I guess it sounds that way but—”

“Grayskull,” Catra poked her forehead with her finger, keeping it there a split second too long, “I’m messing with you.”

“Oh,” Adora visibly relaxed. “Okay, but what I meant is, that you’ve obviously been distracted because of, you know, your mom, and I just think that you deserve time to, I guess, honour her memory.”

Catra raised a brow. “What are you saying?”

Adora fiddled with a loose string on her letterman jacket as she spoke. “I’m saying that clearly your head isn’t in it to help me today, and neither is mine if I’m being completely honest, so I thought that maybe—only if you want to—we could, I don’t know, maybe go to your mom’s grave, and we could, y’know, honour her memory.”

At the mention of her mami’s grave, she couldn’t help but stiffen. Over the years, Catra had only been to her grave a handful of times—three to be precise. Once, for the funeral, a second time on the first anniversary of her mami’s death, and a third time when she had run away at thirteen during the summer. Since then, she hadn’t been back, and honestly hadn’t even thought to until Adora had brought it up. 

“Catra? I didn’t say something wrong did I? I’m so sorry if that was out of line, I just thought—”

“Adora, It’s okay. Just—it’s been a while.”

She nodded. “I get it. We don’t have to go.”

Catra shook her head. “No, I think it’s time I paid her a visit.”

They ended up driving to the Plumeria burial grounds after grabbing a milkshake and fries to share from Razz’s on the road. Adora blasted music from her now fixed car radio—she never did mention how it broke in the first place—as they drove, somehow managing to make Catra momentarily forget what they were doing. Right now they were just two friends enjoying each other’s company. It wasn’t until they stopped at a flower shop that Catra was reminded of why they were actually here. The pair got out of the truck and went into the shop together. They looked around for a little, but Catra already knew what she wanted to get and if she couldn’t find it, she’d rather go empty handed. 

After a few more minutes of searching, she’d found it. A camellia. It was mami’s favourite. She remembered being six, and her mami putting one in her hair and kissing her on the forehead. 

“Beautiful. My baby girl is so beautiful.”

Adora came up next to her then, shoulder brushing against her own. “Found it?”

Catra nodded.

She begrudgingly let Adora pay for it, but she couldn’t help but think that everything that she owed Adora was seriously starting to pile up. Adora always insisted it wasn’t a problem however, but Catra doubted it and decided to give her the money for the flowers right after, who also reluctantly accepted it. They were both as stubborn as each other. 

The walk to the burial ground was a short and silent one. Before they went in, Catra took in a deep breath. She felt unprepared, even though this wasn’t exactly something one could be unprepared for. As they were walking up to her grave (Catra still knew where it was, even after all these years) Adora must have noticed the slight tremble in Catra’s movement, sooner than she did herself, because all of a sudden she was grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. 

“Hey, I’m right here,” Adora said. When her hand didn’t slip out of her grip, Catra let it stay there. 

Catra walked up to her mami’s grave, hand in hand with Adora, heart pounding. She placed the flowers down, then studied it for a moment; the longer she looked at it, the longer memories from the funeral, from the times she visited after, crystallised in her mind, the foggy lense it was once under being lifted. Adora glanced over at her, as if she was waiting for her to break the silence, to say the first words. The problem was that Catra wanted to say so much.

After another shaky breath and squeeze of the hand, Catra started simple with, “Hey mami. It’s been a while.

“I should have visited more. It wasn’t fair to you. I-I’m sorry. But I hope you can forgive me. These last few years without you have been the hardest. The worst. I’m not sure when they get better. When I stop missing you. Maybe I never will.” Catra sniffled, “But I’d choose that over forgetting you any day. Because you are—were my best friend. You were everything I hope to be, wish I could be. You were too good for this world. So maybe that’s why they had to take you. I just wish—fuck. I don’t know. Ever since you left, I’ve just felt so…alone, I guess. And it’s partially my fault. But I think I’m getting better. Actually—I brought a friend with me. Adora.” Catra looked over at her, to see her eyes glazed over like hers. She smiled, and gestured for Adora to say something. 

“Uh…hi, Camilla—beautiful name by the way—I’m Adora, Adora Grayskull,” she said, using her free hand to scratch the back of her head as she thought of what to say. It made Catra's chest feel warm, in a way that rarely seemed to happen. “I obviously never met you, because I’ve only been friends with your daughter for a little while but, from what she’s said, I know you meant—mean a lot to her. Which means you mean a lot to me too, because Catra—we’ve not been friends very long but it feels like we have been forever. She’s really special. Smart, talented, oh and witty. And a pain in the ass at times but I’m sure you already knew that.” 

Adora’s smile that had grown the more she spoke wavered for a moment. “I wish you could see her now. You’d be so proud. I know it.” 

Catra couldn’t hold back the sob that had been stuck in her throat any longer as she broke down, hand finally going limp in Adora’s grip. But Adora held onto her, arms around her neck, hand cradling her head, as soon as she did. Clinging on, Catra cried into the nape of Adora’s neck until her sobs had subsided, no longer a large wave swallowing everything whole, but rather the tide wading in and out.

“You okay?” Adora asked, arms still wrapped around Catra’s neck as she wiped one last straggling tear. The sensation of Adora’s thumb brushing lightly against her face made her heart thud a little too loudly for her liking.

She stepped back, forcing Adora’s arms back to their side, now hanging uselessly. “Yeah. We better go now, it’s late,” she said to Adora but her eyes were still on the grave. 

“You sure?” 

Catra nodded. 

“Okay, let’s go.” Adora started walking, while Catra lingered for a moment longer.

She looked over to Adora, still walking, then back at the grave. There was one last thing. She crouched down next to it, pressed two fingers to her lips then onto the grave, brushing over the engraved name. Camilla D’riluth. “Rest well mami,” she whispered. There were a few more words she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure she’d get through the sentence without breaking down again. So instead she got up, took one last look at her mami's grave, then went to catch up with Adora.

I love you mami.

Catra felt lighter. 

When Thursday finally came around, Catra was seriously regretting her choice of agreeing to go to this Halloween party with Adora. She was studying her outfit in the mirror—a red cropped hoodie with a black t-shirt underneath, black denim shorts, and some devil horns to at least slightly fit the occasion. She’d also put some makeup on to complete the look. Adora had said that Sea Hawk was big on costumes, but it wasn’t mandatory or anything so Catra did what she had done for Halloween the last couple years and put on horns with a matching outfit. She had no clue what Adora was going to wear, or come as. She had no clue if Adora was coming as anything at all, actually. Just at that moment she heard her phone buzz. 

grayskull 

[6:02pm] hey I’m outside

[6:02pm] cool I’ll be out in a min 

[6:03pm] excited to see ur costume! ^_^ 

[6:04pm] i wouldn’t get ur hopes up princess

[6:05pm] aww :(

nothing exciting?

[6:05pm] nope

[6:06pm] not even an olive? 

Catra snorted at the message as she grabbed her keys and phone before opening up her window—usually she wouldn’t resort to this, but Serenia was home and they still hadn’t spoken since Sunday night, so asking nicely to go to a party was out of the question. Having climbed out and back in through her window many times before, she easily got onto the ground without as much as a scrape. She made Adora park around the corner so there’d be no risk in anyone seeing her so she had to walk a little more than usual to get to her truck.

When Adora got out to greet her, Catra nearly choked on the air. 

For the first time her hair wasn’t up in the tight ponytail she always wore and also looked slightly more way than usual. She was wearing all white other than her letterman jacket which looked sorely out of place—white jeans, white shoes, a tight fitted white tank top which showed a slither of her stomach, enough that you could tell that Adora was seriously toned. Catra also noticed how Adora was wearing makeup, also new, even if it was just a bit of eyeliner and mascara.

“Wow…nice outfit, Grayskull,” Catra said, her throat suddenly very dry.

Adora smiled shyly. “Thanks, I don't really know if I like it but Glimmer said if I showed up wearing sweats again that she'd skin me alive, so,” she said, pulling on the end of her top as if she was trying to make it longer. 

“Sounds like Sparkles alright,” she replied, trying to sound as least disdainful as possible. She wasn’t sure whether she’d succeeded, but Adora didn’t comment.

“Yeah.” Adora looked down at her shoes before saying quietly, “You look really nice too.”

“What, this outfit? I dress like the devil every year,” she said, unable to stop herself from looking Adora up and down once more. “What are you supposed to be anyway? An angel?”

“Actually, yeah, my halo’s in the car.” 

“Somehow, I’m not even surprised that we matched,” Catra chuckled as Adora opened the truck door for her and she climbed in. By now, it had become so routine Catra barely questioned it, especially since Adora always seemed to make an effort to be by the truck door before Catra could even reach for the handle. 

Adora got into the driver's seat after shutting Catra in, letting out a rush of air. Catra looked over at her, brows furrowed. “Are you gonna, y’know, start the car?” she asked, pointing at the keys in the ignition. 

She watched as Adora clenched her jaw, then unclenched, hands dug into the pockets of her jacket. “I have something for you,” she said after another moment. 

“What?” Catra’s confusion increased. 

“For your birthday. I know we—”

“You didn’t have to, Adora, really,” Catra said, shaking her head. Adora had already done so much for her, and now this?

“I know. But I wanted to.” Adora turned to face her as she pulled out one of the hands that had been in her pocket. She was gripping a small box in it. “Here.”

Catra took it, and stared at it for a second before opening the box. Adora watched her the whole time, so when she’d seen the gift, she tried to bite back her smile. “A chain?”

“Yeah, I thought it fit in with your fashion sense but, I don’t know, maybe it was a stupid—”

“Adora, chill,” Catra said, putting an arm on her shoulder.

“Sorry…but do you like it?”

Catra thought that the possibility that she could dislike it, or any present from Adora seemed slim to none. “Are you—of course I like it, dumbass. Thank you.”

“Could I, like, maybe see you in it?” Adora asked. 

“Yeah, sure just gimme—”

Adora picked it out of its box and undid the chain. “No, let me. Turn around,” she said, voice soft yet somehow commanding. 

“Uh, sure,” Catra turned her back to Adora, glad she couldn’t see the way her cheeks blushed. She held her hair up to make it easier for Adora, who in a matter of seconds had done the chain up for her. 

“Done.” Catra was facing her again and Adora beamed. “Y—it looks great.”

Catra wasn’t sure how true that was, considering she was wearing it over her hoodie. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she opened up Snapchat, getting a better look of it. She slipped the chain underneath her hoodie, and although it wasn’t fully in view, she still liked the weight of it against her neck, grounding her, and how the silver slightly glinted depending on where the light caught it. Then she had an idea.

“We should take a picture.”

“Really?” Adora looked at her as if it was the most absurd idea she’d heard.

“Yeah, why not? We look hot, so we should document it.”

That apparently, was all the convincing Adora needed. “Okay, yeah, sure,” she said quickly.

Catra shuffled closer, throwing an arm around Adora's shoulder, who leaned in even more. Ever since Monday, it seemed that both of them had grown more comfortable being in each others' personal space, or more that they just naturally gravitated into the others' space without even registering it was happening. Catra found she didn't mind it, which she couldn't have imagined being the case just a few weeks ago. Having Adora near was comforting, so having her close was even better. They took a couple of pictures: some they were both smiling in; some it was only Adora, a big goofy grin plastered on her face; there was one where Catra was sticking her tongue out, eyes closed and Adora wasn't even looking at the camera but instead at her, a soft smile on her face. 

Catra sent them all to Adora not a second later. “See? Told you we look hot.”

Adora studied it on her phone as if she was looking for something. Whether she found it or not, Catra wasn't sure. After another minute she said, “Mind if I post it on my private?” 

Somehow, Catra hadn’t even thought that was a possibility, that Adora would want to go out of her way to essentially let people know they were friends. Part of her would still get stuck on the idea that Adora couldn’t possibly want people to know they hung out, that they were friends, all because of her ‘reputation’. But Catra was starting to realise that Adora didn’t care about it, or at least not when it came to her. 

“Sure, I don't care. Now c’mon Grayskull, we’ve got a party to get to.”

When they pulled up to Sea Hawk’s house, Catra wasn’t surprised to find out it was more accurately described as a mansion. Adora put the halo on her head to complete her outfit before she got out of her truck. As Catra looked between the house and her friend, she wondered whether Adora remembered the promise she had made the other week not to ditch her. She hoped so. 

“Ready?” Adora asked her, pulling Catra out of her thoughts. 

Catra nodded, opening the truck door. 

As they approached, the sound of music was even more noticeable, and Catra noticed the changing light colours through the windows. In some windows the colour shifted slowly, from pink to red to orange to blue, while in others they flashed violently. Catra knew that was probably where all the dancing was taking place then. Although she had only been at Bright Moon High a few months and rarely got invited to parties like these in the upper city, Catra had been to a couple before, some being, ironically enough, when she was still back at Horde High and her ex-girlfriend dragged her along to the preppy parties. Maybe she’d been at some of the same parties as Adora without even knowing. 

If from the outside the party looked intimidating, the inside was even more so. It was packed; the air was thick, the smell of pizza and weed and sweat all mixing together to the point it was almost overwhelming. The music reverberated through the walls, boomed loudly with just a little bit too much bass for Catra. And as soon as she heard someone yell, “Yo, it’s Captain Grayskull!” she was once again regretting her decision of coming. As they walked in, it seemed like almost every person was greeting Adora with a fist bump or high five, all while either completely disregarding Catra or acknowledging her with what ranged from a look of indifference to shock and disgust. 

Some even looked at her, then Adora, then her again, and said to Adora, “You hang out with her?” 

Adora's face would go from friendly to cold in seconds. “Yeah, I do, is there a problem?” she replied, grabbing Catra’s hand and marching them off elsewhere. 

Although that didn’t exactly stop it from stinging, it did make it a little better, knowing Adora was there to defend her. 

They made their way to the kitchen, Adora’s hand still holding onto Catra’s as they squeezed through the crowd. She wanted to pull away, tell her that she didn’t need to be dragged around like a child, but she also liked the warmth of Adora’s hands. It made her feel a lot more comfortable as people gave her dirty looks and no doubt whispered to their friends wondering why someone like her was at a party like this.

“So, what do you want to drink?” Adora asked when they’d made it, but before Catra could, someone dressed as a pirate with a badly stuck on moustache burst into the kitchen. 

“I have heard from the grapevine that Adora Grayskull is finally in attendance!” he shouted, arms wide open. 

Adora laughed, giving him a fist bump and a quick hug. “Hey Hawk, how you doing?” she said, looking over at Catra and rolling her eyes. Catra was glad to know she wasn’t the only one not a fan of his theatrical entrance. 

“Magnificent clearly, my party’s been a hit so far,” he had a wide grin on his face. Then, he looked over at Catra, not with distaste like everyone else had, before looking back at Adora and saying, “So, is this the elusive Catra I have heard of?”

Catra glanced at Adora, who looked flustered by the question as she nodded, scratching the back of her neck. “Uh, yep, it is,” she said, pitch just slightly too high.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” he shook her hand enthusiastically, while Catra was still mildly shocked over someone not looking at her like dirt in the bottom of her shoe. 

“Uh, thanks, you too,” she replied, though it sounded more like a question. 

“So, where’s everyone else?” Adora asked.

Sea Hawk twiddled his fake moustache for a moment, only for it to nearly fall off. “Well, Bow and Glimmer are yet to arrive I believe, Scorpia and Perfuma are around, dancing most likely, and my darling Mermista is—”

“Sea Hawk! Those stupid footballers spilled beer on me, ugh, I hate this party!” she yelled as she stormed into the kitchen, catching everyone’s attention, as if the mermaid costume wasn’t enough to. 

“—right here,” he smiled, flinging an arm around her shoulder, and despite the frown on her face, she didn’t push him away. Catra was already confused by their dynamic.

Adora and Mermista greeted each other with a short nod, and then her eyes travelled to Catra before saying, “Oh. Catra right?”

“Yep, didn’t know I was this popular.” 

“Well, you do have a bit of a reputation,” Mermista replied, although there was no malice in her voice, in fact it stayed completely flat. Before Catra could say anything else, Mermista started dragging Sea Hawk by the arm out of the kitchen. “Cmon, we’re getting me new clothes. Enjoy the party you guys.”

Adora gave them a wave, but Catra just watched, still slightly perplexed by the whole exchange. Well, at least not everybody hated her. Now, Adora’s attention was back on her. “Drink?” she asked once more.

Catra eyed them all on the counter, and ended up going for some beer. She chugged down a few gulps, trying not to grimace at the taste and smell as it hit her nose. If she was going to have a fun time tonight, she definitely needed to be at least a little drunk. Adora watched her the whole time, and when she put the drink on the counter for a moment, she saw how Adora’s eyes flitted between the bottle and her face. 

“What?”

Adora shrugged. “Nothing, just… do you think that’s a good idea?”

Oh, she was not doing this. “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s a party Grayskull, loosen up.” Catra took another swing of her drink, if only to prove a point. 

“Okay, sorry, do what you want, I was just—” she shook her head. “Come on, let’s go dance.” She took hold of her hand again, and Catra let her, let Adora guide her through the crowd, and in that moment she felt all her worries melt away. 

Catra was almost having fun. Almost. Dancing with Adora was fun, hilarious even, especially when she was a little buzzed and Adora’s dance movements were stiff and awkward, in the most endearing way possible. Bluntly put however, she couldn’t dance. And Catra could, which made for a weird juxtaposition on the dance floor, that’s for sure. Maybe, Catra thought, if it were just the two of them, it would have been perfect. But it wasn’t. Instead, they were pressed up against dozens of other sweaty teenagers, dressed in a myriad of costumes, and Catra wasn’t drunk enough to escape the anxiety that somewhere in the room, someone was standing, sitting there, laughing, pointing, judging her. She couldn’t shake it off, no matter what she did. Once a slow and sensual song came on, the feeling to get out intensified. Everyone around her was grinding, and whining and lord knows what else, and maybe it was just because this room was already very warm, but she felt her face heat up as she looked at Adora, who still had her eyes closed and was mouthing the lyrics as she did a little two step dance. It was almost cute, really, how oblivious she was. Almost.

Catra ended up dragging her out of the living room, her excuse being that she needed some air, which made Adora immediately worry. Are you okay? Have you drank too much? Are you dizzy? Do you need to sit down? It took a couple minutes to convince her she was fine, and even then, she still seemed sceptical. They ended up spending a little while in the hallway, which was still fairly crowded, but not as claustrophobic and loud and blinding as the living room. 

“Let’s play would you rather,” Adora said. 

“Sure,” Catra replied, sipping on some cider. 

“Okay…would you rather live forever or die next week?”

“Easy, next week,” Catra scoffed. “Plus, with the way the world is going, there’ll be another apocalypse in like a hundred years anyway.”

“Wow, I never thought of it like that.”

“Well, you are a jock, so I don’t expect you to think anyway.”

“Hey!”

“What? It’s the truth, and anyway it's my turn now.”

They continued playing until someone Catra vaguely recognised from Adora’s lacrosse practice rudely interrupted, launching into a conversation about their training and whatever else jocks talked about. Catra tuned out of the conversation very early into it, eventually going on her phone and opening up Tetris. Adora never did manage to beat her score. Once that first person came up to talk to Adora, it seemed like the floodgates opened from there. Even once they’d migrated from the hallway to a couch in the games room—practically just a second living room—there always seemed to be someone occupying the other side of Adora, talking about classes or other people or sports. To Adora’s credit, she did try to include her in the conversation (although when it was clear they did not like Catra, Adora tried to awkwardly end the conversation, though whether they took the hint or not varied person to person), but Catra didn’t see a point in making an effort where she was clearly not wanted. In between people conversing with Adora, they still continued their game of would you rather or joked around, teased each other as usual, but it was always interrupted and it was starting to get her. This, Catra realised as she gripped her third drink, teeth gritting together, was possibly worse than being ditched. 

The last straw finally came when a football player—Catra could tell because his ‘costume’ was literally his fucking jersey—sat down next to Adora and started complementing her outfit, her makeup, saying how he loved athletic girls, and a whole slew of gut wrenching compliments that made Catra want to cut her own ears off. Adora thanked him, bashful, and said something about his sorry excuse for a costume. Catra had her eyes glued on her phone, willing herself not to look up, knowing it would just serve to fan the growing flames in her chest, but when he heard him laugh unconvincingly, she glanced up to see him brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and leaning in close. Catra shot up from her seat, downing the rest of her drink, stunning Adora, who automatically turned to look at her, confused, while the football player looked like he wanted to wring her neck.

“Where are you going?” Adora asked. 

Catra’s jaw was still clenched as she said, “Getting another drink,” before pushing her way out of the room and heading straight to the kitchen. 

She was definitely drunk now, but still not drunk enough. She poured herself a shot of vodka and downed it quickly, scrunching her face at the taste and scowling at anyone who looked at her. Why was she even so mad anyway? So what if some guy was flirting with Adora? She poured herself another one. Adora could do what she wanted. But she had promised not to ditch her and talking to practically everyone else but her was kind of the same thing. She threw the second shot back, relishing in the way it burned as it went down her throat. Was she jealous? No, she couldn’t be—why would she be jealous? Adora was just her friend. She started pouring herself a third shot, hand shaky, spilling some of it on the counter. Adora was her friend, who she wanted to spend time with, and that guy, along with everyone else, was stopping her. Yeah, that was it. That must be it. Just as Catra lifted the third shot to her lips, she noticed someone just outside the kitchen wearing what she guessed was a cactus dress and then she looked at her face and realised who it was. 

Scorpia. 

Catra almost wanted to go up to her, strike up a conversation, see if she could play it off as if they never stopped talking. And with her inhibitions lowered and ‘fuck it’ mentality heightened, Catra didn’t see why she shouldn’t. She stepped forward, now a little dizzy after two shots back to back, and steeled herself to go up to her, told herself what’s the worst that could happen? But just as she was a mere few steps away from her, one of the princesses came up to her, wearing a similar dress, only a shade darker. She handed Scorpia a drink and kissed her on the cheek, and then Scorpia bent down to give her a peck on the lips. Catra stopped walking towards her and felt her stomach twist. Of course Scorpia was here with someone, she wouldn’t want to talk to Catra, wouldn’t want her to ruin her date. She’d proven she was doing just fine without her for months now, Catra didn’t know why she’d suddenly thought Scorpia would want her back in her life. She walked past them quickly, scared they’d recognise her. It was unlikely though—they were far too wrapped up in each other to notice anyone around them. 

Catra didn’t know where she was going next, she couldn’t exactly ditch the party all together, but she didn’t want to go back to Adora—chances were she and that footballer were probably making out in one of the twenty guest bedrooms anyway. She shuddered at the thought. Eventually, she decided on trying to find a bathroom. She needed to pee anyway, and afterwards she could probably just camp in there until it was time to go. As she was looking, her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out, already knowing who it was going to be. 

grayskull 

[9:37pm] hey are you okay? you’ve been gone for awhile  

where are you?

catra?

Catra grit her teeth together, debating whether or not to reply, when she bumped into somebody. The majority of the two drinks that had been in each hand spilled onto the floor, narrowly missing Catra’s clothes. “Watch it, dumbass!” she growled. 

“Catra?” 

She looked up from her phone and realised that she had bumped into Bow, who was also dressed like a pirate. Of course she had to keep bumping into Adora’s weird friends. 

“Oh, it’s you Arrow,” she said with a scoff, putting her phone back in her hoodie pocket. 

“Well it’s—you know what, it’s fine,” he replied, then looked at Catra a little more closely before leaning in to say, “Are you okay?” hand on her shoulder. 

She swatted his hand away. “I’m fine. Even if it wasn’t—which I am—it wouldn’t be any of your business.” 

“Okay, but, you look really drunk, Catra. Didn’t you come with Adora? I think I might have seen her over in the games room, I was about to head there, if you want to—”

“No, fuck no, I don’t want to go anywhere with you, so if you could just fuck off, that’d be great,” she groaned, pushing past him and climbing up the stairs, and nearly tripping as she did so. 

After opening a few doors, some locked, and some unfortunately not, she found the bathroom and closed the door behind her, sliding down to sit against it with a sigh. She closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly. She tried counting her breaths. It did nothing to quell the mess of emotions inside her. This had been a bad idea. She’d known it was, but somehow, she’d convinced herself that maybe, just maybe tonight would be fun. That her and Adora would have fun. They had, for a few moments. She wanted to go back to those moments and stay there in a loop. That’d be easier. She picked herself up off the floor and peed, washed her hands, avoided looking at her disheveled reflection in the mirror. After that, she opened up her phone again. Tetris it was. While she was playing, (her head still spinning badly enough that she was doing considerably worse than usual), her phone buzzed again. 

[9:50pm] is your phone out of battery or smth? 

bow said he saw you and u stormed off

[9:52pm] why?

Are you mad at me? 

Catra bit the inside of her cheek. Was she? Not really, she was more annoyed at everyone else. But she supposed there was no way Adora would be able to tell that when she had left without an explanation and refused to answer her texts. Maybe she should reply. Maybe if she just—

“Hey! Who’s in there?” someone from the other side of the door shouted, banging obnoxiously. Catra was too drunk, too consumed by her own thoughts to answer, and she also didn’t care to. Surely the person would just go find another bathroom if—

“I know someone’s in there! Sea Hawk said this bathroom was open,” they said, voice high pitched and annoying. And also quite familiar. 

“Seriously, if you don’t come out—”

Catra opened the door and was met with Glimmer: face covered in glitter; cheeks red (no doubt from the alcohol) and dressed as some sort of purple fairy. She snickered. “Come on now Sparkles, this is a little too on the nose, even for you.”

“Ugh. Of course it’s you,” Glimmer groaned. 

“Nice to see you too,” Catra replied, a smirk on her face. 

“I hope you know Adora’s been worried about you.”

The fake smile Catra had been wearing vanished. “Okay, and? She’s not my mom, I can look after myself.”

“Looks like you’re doing a great job,” Glimmer scoffed. “What were you even doing in here? I didn’t hear a toilet flush.” She stepped forward, peering into the bathroom. Catra knew what she was implying. 

“Really? I was sick of people’s shit so I came here for a little while.” 

“You expect me to believe that?”

“I don’t really care either way,” Catra said, shrugging. She stepped out of the doorway. “Here, bathrooms all yours. Now you can leave me the fuck alone.” 

She started walking away, pleased she’d gotten the last word in, until she heard Glimmer say, “You know, I really don’t see why Adora likes hanging out with a lost cause like you. But I’m sure once you fuck up she’ll realise you’re not worth it.”

In that moment, it took everything in Catra not to turn around and hit her square in the jaw. She took a deep breath in, and without turning around she said with a bitter laugh, “You’re probably right.”

Catra ended up taking that third shot she had neglected earlier and now she had found herself outside, sitting by the pool—Sea Hawk really lived in this place?—watching people splash around despite the October weather. She could feel her eyes drooping a little, realising that all the alcohol had gotten to her more than she thought it had. Yet it still wasn’t enough to stop thinking about Adora. Adora, who was wearing a halo on her head, with her hair out of her ponytail for once, with mascara on that made her blue eyes pop, that made Catra want to swim in them, like this—

“Anyone sitting here?” 

She looked up to see a guy in an orange convict costume, probably a senior, since Catra couldn’t recall seeing his face anywhere. He was a brunette with short hair, a square jaw and was well built, probably an athlete. Objectively good looking. Any other girl would probably fall for him right then and there, but Catra didn’t. Obviously. To her, he was just another guy. Yet, she still shook her head, and he took that as an invitation to sit down in the chair next to her. 

“Thanks,” he said, flashing her a smile. “The name’s Jamie.”

“Catra,” she replied absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I know.”

Catra furrowed her brows, but didn’t question it. Jamie didn’t say anything either, and for a moment, they sat there in a painful silence. Then, he dug into one of his pockets, pulling out a lighter and pack of cigarettes. Only, when he opened them, Catra realised they were actually rolled up blunts. He stuck one in his mouth and brought the lighter up to it, but when he realised Catra was watching him, he brought it down for a moment. “You don’t mind, do you?” 

“No, not at all,” Catra said, then she leant forward, coming close to his face, “As long as I can have some.”

He let out a short chuckle. “Deal.” He lit it up, taking a puff before passing it to Catra. She took a longer one, and when she handed the blunt back to him she realised he was staring, really staring. Their fingers brushed as she passed it back, and for some reason, her mind drifted back to Adora and that footballer flirting on the couch.

“So what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here by yourself?” Jamie asked, moving his chair closer to Catra’s. She tried to ignore how she desperately wanted to move away from him, how she hated the strong smell of cologne that wafted around him, mixing with the weed. 

“Just wanted some air, gets pretty stuffy in there, y’know?” she answered, taking a drag of the blunt. She could already feel her thoughts clouding, and she realised dimly that this, this is the feeling she had been chasing all night. The mix of the alcohol and weed in her system made it hard to think off much at all, which meant no more thinking of Adora, or Glimmer’s words, of how much happy Scorpia was without her, of her mami, and especially not Adora. 

“Yeah, totally. So you’re not here with any friends?” he leant in as he asked, blowing a cloud of smoke in her face, then throwing the blunt on the floor. Was that supposed to be attractive?

For some reason, instead of just lying she said, “Actually, I am, but she’s probably getting railed or something so I thought I’d go off and have my own fun, which I am now.” 

Jamie raised an eyebrow, smiling, “Are you now?” 

“Yeah, like, totally,” Catra said, dragging the words out, which for some reason made him laugh.

“I like you Catra.”

Catra scrunched her face up for a second. “But you just met me.”

He laughed again. “Not like that. Unless,” his hand slid onto her knee, then slowly travelled up to her thigh, “you want me to. We could get to know each other better if you like.”

When she realised what he was saying, instead of being enthralled like Jamie clearly expected her to be, she instead felt nothing at all, except a slight sense of fear and nausea (frankly it was only a matter of time after the amount of drinks she’d had). She could barely control the shiver that left her body, but it must have been because of the cold, right? Still, she knew she didn’t like Jamie, how could she when she was—

“So, what do you say?” he asked, hand still on her thigh. 

Catra blinked up at him, before removing his hand and getting up. Everything was a little less dizzying than before, but in the dizzy sensations place, everything around her felt slower. The door wasn’t too far away though, she was sure could make it. However, before she could even take the first step, she felt someone grab her arm. 

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Inside. I’m not interested in your offer,” she said, ripping her arm away and walking up to the door. 

Jamie was persistent however, and followed after her.

“C’mon Catra, didn’t you say we were having a good time? I’m offering you a better one.” His voice dropped down low as he spoke into her ear. She felt her skin crawl. 

“Yeah, we were having a good time, one that’s come to an end.” Catra was nearly at the door now, but Jamie beat her to it, blocking her path. “Get out of the way.”

“Just one kiss. One kiss and then I’ll let you go,” he smiled, though this time it felt predatory, like he was closing in on his prey. Suddenly his face was getting closer, and Catra stepped back so quickly she almost stumbled. 

“No, stop, not happening, I’m literally—” she cut herself off. Why couldn’t she say it? That’s what she was, and yet she always fell short of actually saying the word. 

He took a step closer to her. “Stop being so difficult Catra, just say yes.”

Catra laughed, but she could feel her anger rising. “I’m being difficult because I don’t wanna fuck you? Have you ever thought that the problem is you, asshole?” She had said it so loudly that the people around them were starting to look. 

Jamie’s eyes widened. “Oh, so that’s how you wanna be, huh?”

Shoving him out of the way of the door, Catra said, “Yeah, I do.” 

Before she could go inside however, Jamie grabbed her by the arms and held her back. “Hold on now, don’t think you’re gonna get away after it was you who smoked my weed, you who flirted with me, and you who’s dressed like that. And now you’re acting as if you don’t want it?” She struggled as he gripped on tightly to her arms while he continued, saying, “Guess everyone was right about you after all. Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me—heard your mom’s a prostitute so you must get it from her.”

As soon as Catra had processed what he had said, she saw red. “What the fuck did you just say?” she shouted, hitting him on the chest hard enough that he stumbled back. Although slightly uncoordinated, Catra punched him in the gut, which made him keel over, coughing. Up until then, everyone around them had been silent spectators, but now, there were a few people crowding around them and people shouting ‘Fight! They’re gonna fight!’

Catra ignored them, eyes still trained on Jamie. “Don’t you dare say shit about my mom, she’s—” her eyesight grew blurrier as she thought—dead. And this random senior hadn’t just slut shamed her, but also her mother in the same breath. He was still on the floor coughing, but Catra’s face twisted into a sneer as she kicked him in the side, causing him to cry out in pain.

“You don’t know shit about me or my family. So keep my name out of your mouth. And maybe if your ego wasn't so big, you wouldn’t think every girl who even looks at you wants your dick. It’s fucking pathetic,” Catra spat, and everyone in the crowd gathered around them was gasping, shouting. 

Breathing heavily, Jamie said through gritted teeth, “I’m gonna kill you bitch,” and jumped up, lunging at her. The next few moments were a blur. One second, he was coming at her, too fast for her to stop it and the next he was on the floor again, and in his place stood Adora. She felt her head swim, and stomach lurch. 

Everyone around them was whispering, probably shocked by Adora Grayskull’s unforeseen entrance, by Adora Grayskull swooping in and saving the day, for someone considered Horde scum no less. 

Jamie scrambled back up when he saw her. “Oh, Adora, I didn’t know—”

“Save it. I suggest you leave now,” she said, voice with an unusually sharp edge to it. Catra hadn’t seen her like this before, and it made her stomach turn again, though she wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol or something else. 

He nodded vehemently, before slinking back inside. Adora watched him go before turning back to Catra, eyes filled with concern. “You okay?” 

Catra didn’t answer. She couldn’t. She was still too shocked, perplexed by the last two minutes. And everyone around them was still watching. 

“Shows over guys, go back to what you were doing,” Adora said not a moment later. The crowd finally dispersed, and Adora came closer to Catra, grabbing a hold of her arm, though unlike Jamie, she was soft and gentle. “Can you walk from here to my truck or do you need to hold onto me?” she asked. 

“‘M fine,” Catra muttered, but as soon as she stepped forward, she stumbled over her own feet. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, her coordination was somehow even worse. 

Adora stopped her from falling, steadying her before putting her arm around Catra’s waist. “Put your arm around my shoulder,” she instructed, and Catra had no choice but to listen. As they made their way through Sea Hawk’s house, maybe the crowd had gotten smaller, or people were getting out of the way for them to make their way to the door, but it was much easier compared to when they’d first arrived. 

Just as they had gotten to the door however, Catra heard someone say, “Seriously, Adora?” 

Adora shuffled them both around. Unsurprisingly, it was Glimmer. Again. This time, Catra didn’t bother saying anything, since Adora seemed to have it all under control.

“Glimmer, not now. I have to get Catra home.”

“I can’t believe you. You saw what happened and you still insist on defending her?”

Catra thought to say, clearly you don’t know what happened if you think I’m completely to blame, but she couldn’t reach for the words in her mind. 

“It doesn’t matter what happened, I can’t just—I said I wouldn’t ditch her okay? I gotta go. I’ll text you.” 

She remembered the promise? Catra's chest felt warm.

Adora helped her into the truck, did her seatbelt up for her before getting in. Then she gave her a bottle of water which Catra was sure had materialised from thin air, but she drank most of it without question. Adora said nothing to her the whole time. It would have been unnerving if it wasn’t for the fact she was still a little high. 

Once she’d started driving, Catra could feel herself dozing off. The last thing she heard before she fell asleep was a sigh, and then, “What were you doing Catra?”

Catra woke up when they were a couple minutes away from her house, mouth dry and feeling groggy. She looked over at Adora, gripping the steering wheel tightly, jaw clenched, looking ahead at the road and felt her stomach turn. She stared for a few seconds longer, enjoying the tranquility—she knew once she got home there would be anything but. Then she cleared her throat, and she saw Adora's eyes dart over to her for a moment, before she focused back on the road. But she didn't say anything, not even when Catra did it a second time. This wasn't like her. 

“Could I, uh, put some music on?” Catra asked quietly. 

“Sure.”

Catra reached over to turn on the radio, eyes still on Adora who refused to look at her. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, the only thing filling the space being the hum of the engine and music playing in the background. Catra spent the last few minutes of the journey with her head pressed against the window, watching as the dark shapes of houses and trees and cars passed them by. Once the truck had finally stopped, and the radio had turned off, Catra undid her seatbelt with a click. She waited for Adora to say something, whose eyes were still focused forward.

When she didn’t, Catra mumbled, “Thanks for the ride,” and reached to open the door.

“You should be more careful, Catra.”

Catra turned back around to face her. Her hands were in her jacket pockets, and she was no longer looking straight ahead of her, but not quite at Catra either. She wanted to ask how much Adora had seen, heard, and that she really wasn’t just picking a fight for no reason the way people like Glimmer had assumed. But instead, she scrunched up her face and said, “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Someone could’ve got hurt,” Adora replied, voice close to a whisper.

Catra scoffed. “It was fine. I was fine.”

“Why did you even go off in the first place? I thought we were having fun.” 

Because, you were too busy flirting with some dim witted football player to pay attention to me. Catra was tempted to say it, but instead she settled on, “Because I wanted to. I can handle myself you know.” 

“Everybody says that. They don’t always mean it.”

Catra was starting to grow tired of Adora’s vague comments. “Okay, well I do, Adora.”

Adora nodded. “Sure, okay. You should go.”

Her voice sounded distant, withdrawn. Catra had never heard her sound so dejected. It made the ache in her heart that she’d tried so hard to rid herself of intensify again, and instead of attempting to soothe it, to make it better like she had done before, she continued to let it fester. It was easier than having to acknowledge how she’d fucked up.

“Yeah, I should.” 

Catra got out of the truck without another word.

On the other side of the door, Serenia was there waiting for her, just like she’d expected.

“What time do you call this?” she hissed, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her to the kitchen. Her resolve already demolished, Catra let her, taking a seat at the kitchen table. 

“So Catrina, tell me why you were out until nearly midnight when you have school tomorrow, and didn’t think to inform me of the fact you were even going out in the first place?” Serenia said, trying to keep her voice low but failing. 

Catra opened her mouth to answer, before Serenia put a hand up in front of her and continued, saying, “I don’t even want to hear your sorry excuse for an answer, young lady. Because frankly, I’m tired of it. This isn’t even the first time this week you’ve come home late. There was Monday and Tuesday. And tonight is the second time I can smell weed on you. It’s not acceptable Catra. I let it go before, because despite what you think, I understand it’s been a hard time for you, but clearly I’ve been too gracious if you think you could get away with this.”

Catra had nothing to reply with, no quick witted response or rebuttal. It wasn’t that she thought Serenia was right, she just didn’t have the energy to defend herself right now. In her head, a reply of sorts took shape, along the lines of ‘Did you think to ask where I was on Tuesday?’ and ‘This is the first thing you say to me since Sunday?’ But it didn't feel worth it. She just looked up at Serenia with a blank stare on her face. 

Clearly she hadn't expected this, because she stumbled through her next sentence, something about punishments, being grounded  and possibly taking away Catra's phone. Catra had checked out of the conversation by then, and once she was finished talking she got up, still not saying a single word. After a cold shower, Catra collapsed into bed, burying her head in her pillow. She didn't want to check the time only to find out that she had a few hours to sleep until her alarm went off. But when her phone buzzed—three times—she couldn't resist the impulse to check it.

grayskull

[11:59pm] sorry if I got you in trouble 

I shouldn't have invited you

especially because of everything going on w you atm 

[12:00am] it was stupid 

catra?

[12:00am] shouldn't have come in the first place tbh

[12:01am] its okay 

just get some sleep okay? 

[12:02am] sure gn

[12:02am] gn 

Catra turned her phone off then, switched off her lamp and rolled onto her side. She wondered how it was possible that one week, technically only four days, could be such a car crash. Well, she supposed for a moment she'd been fooled into thinking everything would be okay. Historically, a week like this would send Catra spiralling even more than usual, but maybe it was the exhaustion catching up with her or the fact it seemed like Glimmer's words were starting to ring true. Soon enough, if not already, Adora would realise being friends with her wasn't worth it. 

She thought of Adora's message. It's okay. Nothing really felt okay at that moment.   

Chapter Text

Adora was mad at Catra. Well, Catra didn't know that for certain, but it sure seemed like it. It had been over a week since the Halloween party incident and they had barely seen each other, let alone talked. On Friday, it was understandable, with everything being pretty fresh. So Catra did her best to avoid Adora just as much as it seemed like Adora was avoiding her. It wasn’t necessarily difficult, but it did suck. Catra had felt like she was back at the start of the school year. Or the end of last year. And that had sucked. Getting through English had been the worst part of the day though. Having to walk into the classroom, worried Adora’s eyes would be on her but only to realise they weren’t, that in fact, her head was down, already buried in her work. That was somehow worse. Not whispering like they usually did, or Adora making jokes and turning around to ask her a question like she had gotten so annoyingly used to. It was like that for the rest of the week. Nothing. 

Over the weekend, Catra didn’t have access to her phone, so even if she was messaging her—which she wasn’t anyway, as Catra would find out come Monday morning—she had no way to know, so she was trapped inside the house, doing a whole lot of nothing. Serenia was still hardly talking to her, abuelita was nice but not exactly the best company and Diego was, as per usual, a little shit. Although, he was being less annoying than usual, probably because he knew this time of year was hard for Catra, and his company actually turned out to be the most bearable in Catra’s weekend of boredom. They would watch anime or draw together (there really wasn’t much for Catra to do without her phone, and after a while even moping around got old), and even just talk. Before last weekend, Catra hadn’t opened up to him at all, despite having lived with him for years now. And although she didn’t say lots, she had said more to him about her life in a short half hour than in the past few years combined. Maybe sharing her past with Adora was helping her to do the same with him. The cynical side of her wondered if that even mattered now, everything considered. 

The rest of the week continued much like Friday, only on Tuesday Adora messaged her to cancel both their usual study sessions that week, as if Catra hadn’t already assumed they were. She wasn’t stupid. Seeing the short and cold text made Catra burn up—it was like Adora had lit a match and dropped it right into a barrel of gasoline. Catra wanted to go up to her in front of all her prissy friends and confront her, maybe just say fuck you, because really, there wasn’t a good reason for this, was there? So what if Catra had gotten drunk and nearly beat some guy up? He’d started it! But of course Adora didn’t want to hear it. She was too busy listening to people like Sparkles who thought Catra was as two-dimensional as a 1960s cartoon character. 

Yet despite this, every time they so much as made eye contact, she felt her stomach twist and heart ache. Unsurprisingly, she ignored it every time, ignored the urge to just go up and say ‘hey’, start a normal conversation like nothing had happened, then maybe explain things from her point of view. Every time, she wanted to. Every time, she didn’t. Her emotions switched almost interchangeably between frustration, regret, and longing. Part of her wanted to convince herself that maybe nothing at all was wrong, that they were just busy this week. This was their second week back after a couple days off, so teachers were piling on homework, sports teams seemed to be practicing even more than usual, and exams were coming up soon. So maybe they were both really, really busy. Of course, the only caveat with this reasoning—delusion—was the fact if this were the case they would still be speaking, just not as much. That realisation made this thought a lot less comforting very quickly. 

Now, it was a Saturday evening, and Catra might as well have been watching paint dry because that was far more interesting than whatever Diego was talking about as they sat at the kitchen table eating dinner. Her plans for the rest of the evening were to sleep the rest of the remaining hours of the day away, and that was far more interesting to her than listening to more of this conversation. So she wolfed down the last of her fries before placing her plate in the sink and leaving the kitchen. 

“Catrina?” Serenia said just as she got to the doorway. “Aren’t you going to wash that?”

She bit back a groan. “Diego said he didn’t mind doing my dishes, so.” Her back was still turned. 

Catra knew that her aunt was probably looking at Diego now to see if this was true, but when he said nothing, after another pregnant pause she let out a sigh. “Fine then.”

Rolling her eyes, Catra started going up the stairs, mimicking Serenia under her breath, when she heard two sharp knocks at the door. 

“Catra, the door!” Serenia shouted.

“Why can’t abuelita get it?”

“Are you kidding me? She has a bad back and I know you’re not upstairs yet, just go get the door Catrina!”

Groaning loudly, she stomped back downstairs. “It’s probably one of her stupid deliveries and yet I have to answer it,” she mumbled to herself as she reached to unlock the door. When she opened it, lips downturned with an angry crinkle between her brows, her face immediately morphed into something entirely different. 

“Adora?”

Adora Grayskull, who she hadn’t spoken to in over a week, was standing in front of her, at her doorstep. She was wearing a pair of gray sweats and a matching hoodie over her letterman jacket—Catra was truly starting to believe she only owned two jackets in her wardrobe, this being one of them—with her backpack on and her hood up, protecting it from the rain which was currently beating down harshly. If Catra wasn’t still so stunned (and confused, but mostly mad, because now she wanted to show up at her literal doorstep?) she might have invited her in, but instead she stood there, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

“Hey, Catra…” Adora had a small smile on her face, though it was unsure, hesitant, like she was scared of offending Catra, of crossing a line. But frankly, just by being here, she already had. 

Despite the fact it was wet and cold outside, Catra pushed Adora aside and stepped out, closing the door behind her. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

Adora seemed taken aback by her immediate aggression, face dropping. “Uh…well, it’s just that I've been so busy this week that we didn’t get to study together at all, so I thought we could make up for the lost time now?” 

Catra barely held back a scoff. Adora had been the one avoiding her all week, and now all of a sudden she wanted to study with her? She couldn’t make sense of it. The sound of the rain in the background was slightly calming, so much so it was enough to quell her from going off on Adora, that, and the fact Serenia was just behind this door. She didn’t need her coming outside and making a fuss. 

Maybe, Catra thought, this was Adora’s way of making peace, of moving on. The idea of leaving last week in the past was certainly enticing. This week had been one of the worst weeks in a while, which was pretty high praise seeing as the one prior was the anniversary of her mami’s death. That had been terrible too, but she’d had Adora through it all. Whether Catra wanted to admit it or not—she had missed her. And if Adora was here, then maybe she had too. 

“You know I’m grounded right?” Catra settled on for a reply.

“Yeah, so I came here. Serenia seriously wouldn’t stop you from studying, would she? Sounds counterproductive.”

“She would if it was studying with a friend,” Catra said, saying the last word quietly. Were they even still friends? 

“C’mon Catra, at least ask? I came all this way.” Adora pouted. 

“Didn’t you say you lived close anyway?” Catra smiled, content at how easily they fell back into their usual banter. 

“I could be lying.”

“Adora Grayskull lying? If you ever do successfully, I’ll let you hit me with that lacrosse stick of yours. Hell—I’ll let the whole team.”

Adora snorted. “Okay, okay, you’re right, I can’t lie for shit. But,” her lips curled upwards, “you can, so just say we’re doing an important project or something.”

Catra bit the inside of her cheek. She really wasn’t going to let this go, was she? The thought of Adora inside her house, up in her room, sitting on her bed, made her stomach twist in an odd way, in a way she couldn’t quite exactly place. It was a mess—her room mostly, but the house also wasn’t the most pristine, which she supposed she was partially to blame for since she didn’t keep up on her end of the chores. Adora probably lived in a big, spacious house with a nice front lawn and everything, not some cluttered house that was falling apart. Did she really want her seeing all of this?

“Catra?” Adora said, taking her out of her thoughts. “If you really don’t want me to, or you’re busy or something, I can go.” 

She took a step back. “I shouldn’t have just showed up like this, in the first place, it was stupid I’m s—”

“No, no, stay!” Catra caught her wrist, but when Adora looked up at her, eyes just slightly too wide, her grip immediately loosened. “I just…just stay here for a second, I’ll talk to her. I won’t be long.”

Nodding, Adora smiled and Catra turned to go back inside, heading straight for the kitchen, where Serenia was doing the dishes (Diego had probably gotten out of doing them again). She glanced over her shoulder as Catra walked in. “So who was at the door? I don’t see a package.”

“Well, it wasn’t a delivery.”

Serenia hummed. “What was it then?”

“A person.”

“Catrina, who?” Serenia said, already irritated by Catra’s vagueness.

“A friend.”

Serenia turned to face her then. “A boy?”

Catra’s face twisted in disgust. “No!”

“Then is it the one Diego told me about? That you saw at the grocery store? Who is it, uh…‘Grayskull’?” she asked. 

“He told you about that?”

Raising an eyebrow, Serenia replied, “Why wouldn’t he?”

Cata felt her face burn, and shook her head. “Because—whatever, yeah, it's Adora. She came over to study, and I know I’m grounded, but we have this big project that’s due soon, so—”

“Sure.”

“—so can she please just come in, because I—wait, did you just say yes?” Catra blinked. 

Serenia nodded. “It sounds important, and you’ve had no problems at all this week so yeah, sure.”

Catra smiled, probably a little too widely, because then Serenia pointed and said, “But I will make Diego come and check every hour to see that you are still there and haven’t run away to some other teenagers house party and that you’re actually studying. Okay?”

“Deal,” Catra said, going back over to the door to let Adora in. 

“You’re in the all clear, Grayskull.”

“Great!”

Catra stepped to the side to let her in. “Welcome to my very humble abode. Head straight upstairs because I promise you that avoiding all social interaction with them will be better for you in the long run.” 

Adora chuckled at that, letting Catra push her upstairs, even as Serenia shouted, “Aren’t you going to introduce your friend?”

“Nope!” she replied, already at the top of the stairs and taking Adora by the wrist into her room and slamming the door shut. She instantly remembered how much a mess it was, and wished that she’d had time to clean it up beforehand, but Adora was here now and there wasn't much she could do about it. With the two of them in it, her room also felt smaller than usual. She let go of her wrist.

“Welcome to my humble abode. Space is a bit limited but we do have a state of the art bed, chair, and most impressive of all,” she gestured to her bean bag with half-hearted jazz hands. 

Adora looked at her options for a moment before removing her bag and dropping down onto the beanbag. Catra settled on her bed, glad that there was still a reasonable amount of space between them. Although it didn’t seem to make much of a difference as she still couldn’t think of anything to say. Was there anything to say? Technically they were supposed to be studying, and if they weren’t, Diego would come in from nowhere and bust their asses for it. 

“I like it,” Adora said eventually.

“Huh?”

“Your room. It kinda is how I imagined it would be.”

Catra was too stuck on the idea of Adora just sitting there thinking about what her room looked like to think up a reply. Was it just a vague idea, or did she imagine everything down to the clothes on her floor and boxes stuffed under her bed? Part of Catra wanted to ask, or at least tease her about it, but instead she found herself grabbing her bag by her bed and pulling out a random assortment of books. Adora looked at her with a blank expression as if she hadn’t been the one to suggest this. 

“Dude, it was you who said you wanted to study,” Catra said, pointing a finger at her. 

“Oh yeah, right, of course,” she said, reaching for her bag and also pulling out some work. 

From then, they both got on with their separate work in silence. Adora’s eyes never seemed to leave the page she was reading or writing on, but Catra couldn’t say the same for herself. Having Adora Grayskull here, in her house, in her room, still felt like a novel concept, even though they were friends. Maybe it was because of the fact she had tried so hard to keep the two things separate. Friends (or in this case, just the one) and family—even though at times it hardly felt like that’s what they were. Something about the two colliding was mildly uncomfortable. Specifically with Adora. When her and Scorpia were friends she had never been this level of…defensive about it. But a lot has changed since then. Catra certainly had, and she was hoping it was for the better. 

There was also something about having Adora in her room that made her nervous. Nervous, and fidgety, to the point where she could hardly concentrate on her math homework. In half an hour, she’d only done two questions. Catra was tempted to give up on it altogether and just pretend to be doing work until Adora was done, because her brain could not take it. But then—

“Hey, you’ve already done the scene analysis assignment for english right?” Adora asked, finally looking up at Catra for the first time since they’d started. 

Catra nodded, “Yeah, course.”

“Really? Oh, that’s great, because I’ve been reading the same fifteen lines over and over and I have no clue what they’re talking about,” Adora hauled herself up off the beanbag with her work in hand and came over to sit directly opposite Catra. On her bed. 

Catra blinked, trying to ignore how her stomach flipped. “Fourteen.”

“What?” Adora leaned in closer, brows raised. 

“There's fourteen lines between Romeo and Juliet, it makes a sonnet, Grayskull. Pretty sure we covered it in class.”

“Oh…right.”

Catra raised her eyebrow. “You don’t sound too sure.”

“No, no, I remember, completely. Totally,” Adora reassured her but Catra wasn’t convinced in the slightest. 

“Do you have the notes down then?” she asked, and at that Adora looked down at her work, up at Catra, then down again. 

Scratching her head, she sighed, “Nope…don’t think I do.” 

Unsurprised, Catra rolled her eyes then dug around in her bag for her notes on scene five. While she was doing that, she wondered why Adora had been so distracted that she hadn’t managed to take any of the notes that had been on the board. Could it possibly have been because she had been missing Catra too? That she didn't like not being able to turn around and talk about something completely irrelevant to the lesson with her to make the hour go by faster? The thought came and went in a flash though. That was ridiculous, Catra knew. Adora was a jock—she was probably just too busy zoning out or thinking about sports. Catra was sure it had nothing to do with her. She finally found her notes and pushed her math work to the side. 

“Okay, first of all, you have to understand what’s happening in the scene…” Catra started, explaining to Adora what exactly was going on after she’d said she hadn’t really listened when they were discussing it in class. As Catra spoke, Adora took notes diligently, from everything about the fact both Romeo and Juliet’s lines formed a sonnet to show how they a made to be together, how the rhymes symbolise their love at first sight to the iambic pentameter mimicking the pace of a heartbeat. Any questions she had she asked them without hesitation, knowing they’d long passed the stage where Catra would make fun of her lack of understanding. 

Diego came in to check on them as she’d expected, only to roll his eyes when they saw they were actually working and leave right after. Adora had hardly even noticed the intrusion, barely looking up from her work as she continued writing. Once Catra had explained pretty much everything, apart from answering a question here or there, she didn’t have much to do apart from watch Adora as she bit her lip trying to decipher if there was anything in the next line of the scene worth annotating. It was hard not to stare at her face when she was right there, but every time Adora looked up, she quickly averted her gaze, feeling confused as to why she felt the need to and a pang of guilt in her chest. The latter was hard to wrap her head around. What was there to feel guilty about? She was just looking at her friend. Her friend who was objectively pretty. There was nothing wrong about that. 

Catra wondered what Adora would say, or what her reaction would be if she just said that, you’re beautiful, out of nowhere. Would she be shocked? Flustered? Disgusted? Adora has been fine with Catra and her sexuality, so unless she was hiding how she really felt (which didn’t sound like Adora at all) then Catra didn’t think she would exactly reel back in horror. And Catra had said things worse before, and other than mild embarrassment or exasperation Adora had never minded. Yet somehow Catra couldn’t shake the feeling that if she ever said something like that seriously, that it would be a problem. And from the Halloween party and aftermath it was clear Adora didn’t like girls. Still—it wasn’t like it mattered because it was all hypothetical. She didn’t actually like Adora, so it was fine. After that, it was a little easier to let herself stare. 

It took them around an hour to finish Adora’s English work and when she was done they both got up to stretch their legs. Catra went down to get some water for the both of them and a snack (Adora had seriously asked if they had any carrots before settling on an apple) before settling on her bed again, with Adora right next to her. Definitely closer than before. But it was just an observation. 

“Thanks!” Adora said as she handed her the apple. She noticed the work Catra had put aside, studying it for a moment before asking something, still chewing her apple, that sounded like complete gibberish. 

Catra’s brow creased. “I can’t hear what you’re saying with your mouth full, dumbass.” 

Adora nodded, then chewed a little more before swallowing, clearly too quickly as she let out a cough, spluttering, “Do you want me to—” she put a hand over her mouth as she coughed especially harshly which was when Catra thought that maybe it’d be a good idea to do more than just sit there and watch her possibly choke to death. 

She hesitated for a moment before reaching out to pat Adora on the back, saying, “You okay, Grayskull?” 

Eyes watery, she nodded when she finally stopped. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Her voice still sounded a little choked. Catra passed her some water, and she chugged down all of it before putting the empty glass on the floor. “Thanks. Again.”

“No problem. Next time, eat slower,” Catra said jokingly, but she very much meant it. She’d rather Adora didn’t die by choking on an apple she gave her. 

“Sure, mom. Anyway, do you need help with your math questions? It doesn’t look like you got very far.” Adora picked up the work to have another look at it but Catra snatched it away. 

“It’s fine,” she replied quickly. 

“Catra, c’mon, I help you all the time,” Adora said, trying to reach for the notebook.

“It didn’t seem like that at all this week,” Catra snapped back. When she saw Adora’s face fall however, she almost wanted to take it back. Almost. 

She placed the questions in Adora’s lap then, crossing her arms as she mumbled, “Go ahead then.” 

Adora opened her mouth to say something, probably unrelated to math, but decided against it, reading the math question quickly before going on to explain it to Catra. At first she rarely supplied Adora an answer longer than a few words, most of them being ‘I don’t know’ but after two or so questions that had taken far too long because of Catra not cooperating she decided that if she wanted to be done with today and for Adora to go home (it was only eight but Adora probably had places to be tomorrow, it seemed like she always did) then she would have to actually put more effort into answering the questions. Once she did, it went by much quicker and much less painfully. Adora was patient throughout, which Catra didn’t understand, but she didn’t complain about it. 

When Diego came in to check on them again, he was once more disappointed to see that they were actually doing work. He didn’t even seem to notice the fact they were now doing math instead of the ‘project’ Catra had lied about and she had no intention pointing it out to him.

Around eight thirty they had finally finished, which meant that Adora probably wanted to head out now. Even though they hadn’t spoken in over a week, oddly enough it felt like they had nothing to say. Catra didn’t know if this was true or not, because it wasn’t the case for her. Rather, she had too much to say, too much on her mind that was waiting to be released. Were you mad? Upset? Are we okay? Are we still friends? Please tell me I wasn’t the only one who felt that lonely, sinking feeling every time I saw you. Let me just explain what happened. I’m—

“Catra?”

“What, yeah?” She looked over at Adora who was staring directly at her with a look in her eyes that she couldn’t place.

“I…I’m sorry we haven’t really talked much this week. Or at all,” she said, shaking her head slightly. “I just needed some, uh, space. But it wasn’t—”

“Adora. I get it. I know I fucked up. I always do. It was only a matter of time,” Catra scoffed, though it was more at herself than anything. Was it even worth it explaining what happened? She still handled the situation badly. What happened was what you made of it—most people had just seen Catra kick Jamie when he was already down, so the fact they ran with the whole ‘Catra D’riluth: another violent kid from Horde High’ narrative technically her fault. 

For a moment, Catra was worried Adora wasn’t going to reply, then she just sighed. “What even happened, Catra? I thought we were having a good time. One minute you’re there and the next you won’t even answer my messages.”

Catra replayed the whole night in her head: arriving with Adora, trying to ignore the judgemental glares and whispers; dancing with Adora, feeling subconscious because of everyone around them; talking and laughing with Adora in the hallway, only to get interrupted every five minutes until they found themselves in the game room, with what felt like dozens of people wanting to talk to the golden girl, the captain of the lacrosse team, not just wanting to talk to Adora. Then the tipping point—that dimwitted football player waltzing in, sitting next to her, flirting. The worst part of it all being that Adora had been flirting back. Recalling everything made the resident ache in her chest return with a fervour, so much so she ignored the part of her mind that questioned why all this angered her—no, upset her to begin with. Why she had felt the need to drink her sorrows away and smoke pot with some guy who she’d known for all of five seconds. The run in with both of Adora’s stupid friends and seeing Scorpia was just the icing atop of her sad, pitiful cake. 

Maybe, if she just said all that, explained it from her perspective, Adora would get it. But it was all so much and Catra had hardly let herself think about everything that had happened up until now. Not only that, but there was also the chance Adora wouldn’t get it, that she’d say she was overreacting, that it was no big deal. It’s a party Catra, she would tell her. 

“Maybe you were having fun, but I wasn’t,” she spat instead.

“Why not?” Adora leaned closer to her, placing a hand on her knee. 

Catra almost recoiled from the touch, despite it having grown so familiar. Perhaps this week had set them back. She moved her legs so Adora’s hand slipped off, pulling her knees close to her chest.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does. I went there with you. To have fun with you,” Adora said softly, and it would’ve been easy to give in then, to stop fighting, to lean in a bit closer and rest her head on her shoulders. But Catra never did like to make things easy for herself. 

“Didn’t seem like it,” she muttered, thinking back to how that footballer brushed back a piece of her hair. How she let him do it. 

“What—what do you mean? Seriously Catra, if you don’t explain it I can’t—”

“You were too busy eye fucking that dumb football player to notice I wasn’t having a fun time! That’s why I got up and left, I was tired of it. Okay? Happy now?” Catra huffed, hugging her legs tighter.

She didn’t bother to look over at Adora as she said, “Um—eye fucking?”

“Yeah. Eye fucking, bedroom eyes, flirting, it’s all the same thing. I wasn’t gonna stay and let you ditch me to go up to one of Sea Hawk’s rooms and—”

“Wait, wait wait,” Adora tapped her on the shoulder until she turned her head to look at her. “You thought we were flirting?” 

“Uh, yeah, it was pretty damn obvious,” Catra replied. Then she considered what Adora said for a moment, and her eyes widened. 

“Adora…Did you not know he was flirting with you?” 

She laughed. “I can be pretty dumb sometimes, but he wasn’t exactly being subtle about it. I just didn’t know how to get him to stop.”

Catra finally released her legs again, shifting to face Adora fully. “So you’re telling me you weren’t flirting with him?”

“With a footballer? Nope. Never. Too arrogant.” 

She felt so stupid. But she also felt an odd wave of relief, like she could breathe easier knowing Adora didn’t like that guy one bit. Catra tried not to think too hard about why that was. 

“So you didn’t like him?” Catra asked, because part of her still didn't believe it. She had been so sure. 

Adora shook her head. 

“You sure you aren’t into him?”

“No, Catra, I’m not interested in him. Like at all. I definitely wasn’t at the party either—I just didn't know how to let him down easy. I was, uh, kinda hoping you would do it but, well y’know,” Adora said with a small smile, one that felt a little melancholy.

“Oh so you wanted me to rescue you, princess?” Catra teased, relishing in how flustered Adora would get when she’d use that nickname. 

“I—” Adora stuttered, struggling to form a coherent sentence before settling on, “Maybe I did.”

Catra finally let go of her knees, legs sliding back down before crossing them. “Don’t worry then. Next time I’ll stick around to save you,” she said, grinning. 

Adora’s smile was much more earnest. “I’d like that. Although, I don’t think they’ll be a ‘next time’ for a little while. Aren’t you like grounded indefinitely, D’riluth?” 

“Don’t remind me,” Catra groaned. “It’s so unfair. She was pissed at me for coming home late on Monday and Tuesday when she doesn’t even know where I—where we were.” 

Shuffling on the bed so that she was opposite Catra, she said, “Did you try telling her though?” 

Catra scowled at her. 

“Catra, did you?”

“No,” she conceded. 

“Do you think that maybe you should?” Adora asked, fiddling almost absentmindedly with Catra’s fingers. Half of her thought to pull away, but she also realised how much she’d missed little touches like these in the past week. How much she’d missed Adora’s warm presence. 

“Yeah, maybe,” she sighed. “It’s just…it’s hard.”

“I know. But it could be a good way to start a dialogue,” Adora replied.

Catra snorted, “You sound like my guidance counsellor.”

“Maybe it’s my calling,” Adora said with a light chuckle. 

“Nah—stick to being buff, Grayskull.”

She raised an eyebrow at that. “You think I’m buff?” 

“Well you do sports and work out, so, yeah,” Catra said, rolling her eyes.

Adora didn’t reply then, she only smirked, which actually agitated Catra more.

“Ugh, stop it.” She felt her face burn.

“I didn’t say anything,” Adora said, but it was in that high pitched voice that told Catra she did know exactly what she was doing.

It didn’t bother her though. Right now, it felt like nothing could; that she could just forget about the party and forget about this week and enjoy being with Adora. Because she hadn’t ruined things—Adora still wanted to hang around her and didn’t even seem mad. Right now, everything was fine. They were fine. 

Once Catra and Adora started talking, it was near impossible for them to stop. So much so that it was nearly eleven when Diego popped his head in the door again, surprised to see that Adora was still there. 

“Wow, if I were you I would have left the moment that project was done,” Diego said, shaking his head.

“Good thing no one asked, dickwad, now get outta here,” she said through gritted teeth, throwing a pillow at the door. He slammed the door shut just as it came flying towards him, hitting the door with a thump.

Catra sighed, getting up to pick up the pillow on the floor. When she turned back to Adora, she was looking at her with something akin to an amused smile. 

“What?” Catra scrunched up her face. 

“Nothing, nothing. It's just you guys are so…nice to each other.”

Catra snorted. “C'mon Grayskull, you already know I'm not a ray of sunshine.” 

She sat back down on her bed, pillow in her lap. “He is right though.”

“About?” Adora asked. 

“It is kinda late. You should probably go.”

Adora got up then, grabbing her bag and starting to shove her papers and pens into it. “Yeah, of course, I didn't even realise the time, sorry.”

“It's fine dude.” Catra got up as well, watching her pack her bag, and only slightly cringing at how carelessly it was done. 

She walked over to her door, watching as Adora put her shoes back on. It felt like it took longer than it should have, almost definitely because Adora kept looking up every few seconds as if she had something to say. Catra would be damned if she didn't get it out of her. After another few failed attempts, she finally tied her shoelaces, only to walk up to the door and find Catra in her way.  

Before she could even say anything, Catra took a step forward. “Adora. You're being weird.”

“I'm not,” she argued, crossing her arms. 

“You are and I can tell.”

“That's—”

“True.”

“It isn't,” she pouted. 

“Stop lying, Grayskull.”

“I'm not. Seriously it's fine,” she said weakly.

“It's not. What's wrong Adora?" Catra's voice was softer than usual.

“I just—do you want me to…?” Adora trailed off, playing with the straps of her bag.

“To go?” Catra was pretty sure that's what she meant. No, not really, she wanted to say. Of course, she didn't. 

“Yeah, because I, uh, I don't really want to.”

“Oh, you like, you wanna stay over?” Catra asked, sounding utterly perplexed. It just didn't make sense. It made sense Catra wanted Adora to say, but not that Adora seemed insistent on it as well. She probably had a nice, quiet, big house to get back to. Catra couldn't imagine anything different.

Adora nodded, though it was hesitant, timid. “Do you mind?”

Catra shook her head, but Adora still went on and said, “Because if you do I totally understand, and I can—”

“Adora. I don't mind. You can stay.”

Her face lit up then. “Really? And it won't be a problem with Serenia?” 

“Not if I can help it,” Catra said. She walked over to her closet and pulled out a large t-shirt (when she wore it she was practically swimming in it so it would definitely fit Adora) and shorts. Before leaving the room she threw them at Adora, who caught it as if it was second nature. “Those should fit you. I'm gonna go and sort out our Serenia situation now to avoid getting in more trouble later. Shouldn't be long.” 

Serenia was easy to convince when she was under the impression that they’d been working hard since the early evening. They had done some work, but it was really nothing to gloat about. Catra did anyway, and also how she knew she was grounded but it was so late and they were so tired and it was dark and—after going on like that for a minute or so, Serenia gave in, rubbing her temples with a sharp, “Fine.”

“Just don’t be too loud,” she added as she was walking upstairs. 

Catra gave her a sarcastic thumbs up. “You got it chief.” She turned to leave, but then she remembered what Adora had said. “Hey, Serenia?”

She hummed, still focused on her phone.

Not today, she decided, but she would. “Thanks, is all.”

Looking up then, Serenia smiled at her. That was a rare occurrence. 

Not having much else to say, Catra left then, walking upstairs mildly confused by that interaction. She tried not to give her and Serenia’s turbulent relationship much thought for the most part. They didn’t get along and there wasn’t much else to it, is what she often simplified it to. But there was a lot more there than she wanted to admit. She wasn’t just being a petulant, difficult teen on purpose (well, she was but there were many reasons behind it), there was also resentment there. Catra was resentful of a lot of things and people. But Serenia in particular held a top spot. 

Once she was at her door, she took a deep breath before opening it. She was greeted by the sight of Adora sitting in the middle of her bed, scrolling on her phone, cross-legged, hair down and in Catra’s clothes. Did she still have some water by her bed? She hoped so, because her throat was decidedly drier now.

As the door clicked close, Adora glanced up at her, a worried line between her brows. “Please don’t tell me I’ve put these clothes on for nothing.” 

“Of course not. Told ya it’d be fine,” Catra said with a grin.

Adora let out a long sigh, “Thank fuck—oh my gosh, Catra , do you know what this means?”

“Um, that you don’t have to drive home?” 

“No silly, it means we’re having a sleepover!” she said with a goofy smile, jumping off the bed. 

Catra raised an eyebrow. “People still have those at seventeen?”

“Well—I’m still sixteen and yeah, of course!” Adora grabbed her by the wrist. “It’s gonna be so much fun, I mean, it’s already great spending time with you but this like…elevates it.” 

“Sure princess,” Catra rolled her eyes, but really, she was desperately trying to fight back the way her lips wanted to twitch upwards into a smile.

“So, what do you want to do?” Adora asked, and of course, she had no idea. Catra wasn’t exactly sure what people did at these things. All the sleepovers she’d seen in the movies were a group of girls doing face masks and talking about the boys they’d liked. Both things that were very much not her idea of fun. She figured they could just do…nothing, like they always do. Catra liked doing nothing. Catra liked doing nothing with Adora. But she couldn’t exactly say that, could she? It also didn’t help that her room was not exactly made for any other purpose than sleeping, getting ready, doing homework and hiding from the world. Her eyes darted around the room for a moment, before settling on her laptop. 

“How about some Netflix,” she said, though it sounded much more like she was asking.

“Sounds great!” Adora replied, settling back on her bed. 

Catra only slightly missed the warmth of her hand gripping her wrist. But she could still feel Adora’s eyes on her like searing lasers, which was both comforting and oddly intimidating. Mostly the latter. 

“What?” she said, quickly growing agitated. 

“Your clothes.”

“What about them?” 

“You can't be in them.”

Catra felt her cheeks heat up. “I—what?”  

“Oh, I didn't mean—I meant that like, you have to be in pajamas. It can’t just be me. Sleepover tradition.”

Now that Adora had mentioned it, Catra did always remember how in the movies the first thing they seemed to do is get into their pajamas. To her it seemed stupid—why get changed if the clothes she was in were perfectly comfortable? But if Adora insisted, well, she couldn't really so no. 

“Ugh, sure. I'll get changed. Just—” Catra realised she couldn't exactly kick Adora out of her room (she couldn't risk Diego starting up a conversation with her, tonight was their night). “Turn around, or something.”

“We were literally in gym class together last year.”

Catra quirked her brow. “Dude we didn't even speak back then…”

“That doesn't mean you were invisible.” Adora shrugged. “But alright, I'm turning around, see?” 

“Great. Thanks so much,” Catra said, sarcasm dripping out of her voice. 

She went to her dresser then and picked out a plain t-shirt and sweatpants. For good measure she also put on a sweatshirt on top too since she tended to run pretty cold, especially in the winter months. 

“Catra, are you done?” Adora whined. 

“Jeez you're so impatient, princess. I am now,” she replied, sitting back down on her bed. Grabbing her laptop, she typed in her password and then pulled up Netflix. “So, what do you wanna watch? Movie? Series?”

Adora hummed, considering for a moment as she shuffled closer to see the screen. Catra fought the urge to move away. They'd been close before—this was no different. 

“Let's go with a movie.”

After a few minutes of back and forth over what to watch, they ended up going for Your Name. Diego had told Catra about the movie and told her she’d probably like it, and although she didn’t trust him about a lot of things, his movie recommendations tended to be pretty good for the most part. It took a bit of convincing, but once Catra broke out her best pout and a ‘ please’, Adora was quick to agree. Catra made sure to file that information away for the future. 

While Catra was a very quiet movie watcher who loved to catch every little detail of a film, Adora was the complete opposite, having a running commentary on everything happening on screen. When they had first watched shows together in Adora’s truck, Catra had grit her teeth together and tried to tune it out, but now, she actually quite enjoyed Adora’s rants about the stupidest things—if anything it added to the experience. Around an hour in though, Adora began to quieten down, and once she’d stopped talking completely, Catra became hyper aware of everything else around her: how they were shoulder to shoulder, hardly any room between them; the glow of the screen and how it illuminated Adora’s features, from the sharp curve of her jaw to the way her eyes practically sparkled while she watched; how every once in a while their feet would brush underneath the blanket; to how warm she was, how clammy her palms were; and most jarring, how her heart was accelerating too fast for her to keep up. 

After another twenty minutes, the sparsely spread out yawns Adora had let out throughout the movie had clearly begun to show, as she mumbled something incoherent before shuffling down a little, resting her head on Catra’s shoulder and throwing an arm over her stomach. Catra initially stiffened, but tried to relax a little, taking a deep breath as she reminded herself that this was just Adora.

A few more minutes went by and Adora's breathing had evened out. Catra thought to try and remove her arm from around her but even asleep her grip was still tight, so she tried to concentrate on the last fifteen minutes of the movie despite the hammering of her heart. 

As the credits finally rolled, Catra was probably more relieved than she should have been, shaking Adora awake with a jolt.  

“Huh? Yeah? What happened, what did I miss?” she asked, looking between the screen and Catra as she sat up. 

“Like the last quarter of the movie,” Catra chuckled, shaking her head. “Probably should have chosen something shorter.”

“Catra, you should have woken me up!” 

“What? I didn't want to, you looked so…” cute was the first word which came to mind. “...at peace. Besides, knowing you, you probably needed the extra nap time seeing as you've been so busy this week.”

Adora looked away for a moment, and Catra bit back on an apology, watching as Adora stood up.

“I should, uh, brush my teeth and stuff.”

“Oh, yeah. Bathroom's the door on the left and there's a pack of toothbrushes in the cabinet,” Catra said pointing at her door.

Adora nodded, then left quietly, leaving the door just slightly ajar. Sighing, Catra flopped backwards, staring up into the darkness, the only thing stopping her from being completely enveloped in it was her laptop now cast aside. She tried to empty her mind of all the thoughts currently swimming in it, but to no avail. Worse than that, one thought rose above all the rest—

Shooting up from her bed, Catra realised a glaring issue. There was only one. They'd have to share. Was Adora okay with that? Before Catra could contemplate that any more, the door creaked open, with Adora slipping through it before closing it shut.

“Hey,” she said, leaning on the door. 

“Hey,” Catra replied, leaning over to turn on her lamp.

Adora took a step forward, “So…”

“I need to go brush my teeth too. Nearly forgot.” Catra got up then, shutting down the conversation and leaving Adora in her room.

Even with the extra few minutes of thinking time she had while she was in the bathroom, there was no plausible solution other than one of them sleeping on the floor. Even that however, was unlikely, with how altruistic Adora was. She wouldn't let Catra sleep on the floor. If anything, she would probably offer to instead. And Catra would feel terrible if she did that. That only really left one option. 

Once she made it back to her room, despite already knowing what Adora's reply would be, she decided to say, “I can sleep on the floor.”

Funnily enough, Adora had said the exact same thing, and for a moment the two of them just stared at each other, incredulous, before their open mouths morphed into grins. 

“Wow,” was all Adora said, shaking her head.

“I guess great minds think alike,” Catra shrugged. 

“Well…what do we do now that we've both offered?”  

“Hmm…both sleep on the floor?” Catra offered. 

“Catra,” Adora huffed. 

“Okay, okay, I'm kidding,” Catra said, putting her hands up. She avoided Adora's eyes as she continued. “The bed's big enough for the two of us, I just wanted you to be…comfortable, I guess.”

Adora shuffled over from the middle of the bed to the right side, patting the empty space next to her. “Unless you like, kick or something, I think I'll be fine. If anything, you should be worried about yourself, D'riluth.”

Catra raised a brow. “Oh really? Why's that Grayskull?”

“I tend to move in my sleep, but if you kick me hard enough I'll wake up, so. Feel free to.”

Chuckling, Catra made her way to her bed, placing her laptop onto the floor and sinking down next to Adora. “I will gladly kick you.” 

Adora laughed a bit at that as well, before moving to lay down. 

“You want me to turn off the light?” Catra asked.

“Sure.”

With one click, the room was now completely dark. She could still make out Adora's outline though. As she laid down, she thought of turning to face Adora. But she was already so close by, close enough Catra could feel the ghost of Adora's breath on her neck, almost reaching her but not quite there; close enough that the warmth of her body radiated between them; close enough that it was making her heart race in a way she didn't want to unpack. Nerves, she kept telling herself. It was just nerves. But even that had a caveat—what was there really to be nervous about? She didn't want to consider the what. So she faced the other way, whispered a goodnight, and tried to go to sleep.

“Catra?” she heard Adora whisper.

She contemplated pretending to be asleep, but she'd already been pretending for however long it had been since they'd said goodnight.

“Yes?”

“Are you awake or are you sleep talking?”

“No dummy I'm not sleep talking. I'm awake.”

“Oh. That's good.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Are you tired at all? Now that I'm actually laying down I'm not.”

“Same.”

“Can we—can we just talk a bit then?” 

There was a beat. Then a sigh, and Catra turning over to face Adora. “What's there to talk about?”

“I dunno. Everything. Nothing.”

“That's very broad, Grayskull. Think I need something a little more specific than that.”

“Okay. Then can I ask a question?” Adora leaned forward, face coming even closer to Catra's. 

“Uh, sure,” Catra said, trying to ignore how her cheeks burned. 

“Do you, yknow, miss her?” 

For a moment, Catra didn't understand what she was asking but then it clicked and oh. Somehow, she hadn't been expecting that. She never really knew what to expect with Adora. 

“Yeah. It might be hard to believe but every day. I'm constantly reminded of her. And even though sometimes it really hurts, it kinda makes me glad? I just…I really don't wanna forget her.”

Adora nodded, then said, “And your dad?”

Catra held back a scoff at the mention of him. It's not like Adora knew anything about him—she wasn't asking for any other reason except curiosity. 

“I try not to think about him.”

She heard the sheets ruffle as Adora shuffled suspiciously closer. They were close enough that if she moved her hand any closer their hands would touch; close enough that Catra could feel a slither of the heat of Adora's breath. Or maybe she was imagining it. 

“I try not to think about my mom—mostly because it just ends up with me frustrated since all the questions I have never get answered,” Adora said. 

Catra furrowed her brows. “How come?”

“My dad—he, uh, he doesn't like talking about her.”

Her chest tightened at that and she fought the urge to blindly reach out for Adora's hand and hold it tightly. 

“You moved to Frighton when you were like twelve right?” Adora asked, breaking the momentary silence.

Nodding, Catra said, “Yeah, I only moved there when my mom died. Before I lived in Erelandia in this little apartment complex. I don't know what's happened to it now though.”

“Wow, really?”

Catra let out a light chuckle. “Is it still surprised that I wasn't born and bred in the Fright Zone, princess?” 

“No, no, not at all—okay maybe a little at first,” Adora admitted. “It's just that I lived super close to Erelandia, or l, well, at some point, I did.” 

She waited for her to elaborate. 

“We moved around a lot. For a little while we lived in Thaymoor.”

“That…that is pretty close,” Catra breathed out, once again aware of their own proximity. She wondered if they had ever passed each other on the street, if they had ever seen each other without realising. Maybe they could have been friends earlier. She wanted to ask, if Adora so too, but instead her mouth stayed shut. Better not to embarrass herself.

Catra felt Adora's foot brush against her ankle, which sufficiently pulled her back from her thoughts. She moved her leg away from Adora's, just slightly. It wasn't like Adora would notice anyway.

“Hey, do you think that, I don't know, maybe we would've met earlier? Or if we didn't meet now, we would've later?” she asked softly. 

She almost wanted to laugh. How was it possible they were thinking almost the exact same thing? The only difference was that Adora wasn't afraid to say it. 

“What like, fate or something?” Catra couldn't help herself, the idea was so absurd that mocking it seemed like the only viable option. 

“No—or I guess. I don't know, forget it, it was stupid,” Adora said and Catra's grin fell then. 

“It's not stupid Adora. Really. It's just hard for me to think…we would have. At some point. Logically speaking. And that's, well, a good thing.” Catra trailed off at the end. The room felt hotter again. 

Adora nodded. “I think so too.”

They talked for a while more, though it was all meaningless conversation, the type that if it were anyone else Catra would have been bored out of her mind, where if it were anyone else she would have checked out ages ago. They talked until the conversation was nonsensical, until they were giggling more than speaking, until their words were slurred, incomprehensible. Feet bumped into shins and fingers brushed and eventually hands were held, if only for a moment. And although Catra heart still raced, although her head still spun and although she couldn't quite quell that feeling, it didn't matter so late into the night (or so early into the morning) when they were laughing about nothing with each other. 

Just as they were both dozing off, yawning within seconds of each other, Adora started to say something, although it was mostly incoherent mumbling that make Catra snort. Up until:

“Y'know what, D'riluth? No, not D'ri—Catra—did you know how much, I like, y'know, missed you a lot this week. Oue study sessions. And, and sitting in my,” Adora paused, eyes fluttering shut before continuing, “...car. So let's never, ever fight again? Okay? Let's…”

And then she fell asleep. Catra blinked, suddenly more awake than she was seconds before.

“Adora?” she whispered. She did it once again, this time more harshly. Out cold. 

Sighing, Catra studied her face for a moment, as well as she could in the dark. Her face was smoothed over, not creased like it often was when she was thinking, contemplating one thing or the next. Some hair fell in front of her face, and Catra thought back to when that footballer brushed some of her hair back. She fought the urge to do so now. 

“This might be stupid, but, I missed you too. A lot,” she said aloud before turning around. 

After a few minutes, Catra fell asleep too, her heart somehow feeling heavier than it had all week. 

When she woke up, there were many things wrong. For one, it was still dark outside. Second, Adora had somehow migrated over to her side of the bed (actually she might have been there to begin with) and worse, her arm was wrapped tightly around Catra's midsection and her head was buried in her neck. She could feel every steady breath she took, tickling her just slightly. It made her shudder. Catra tried to disentangle herself from her, which took a few tries, but once she did, she sat up, back turned to Adora. She ran a hand through her hair.

The last thing that had been wrong was, Catra's dream. She tried to recall what exactly had happened. Although the events were blurry now, there was something that was very clear, something that had crystallised. Something that she had known all along really, that she had tried her damned hardest to ignore. Because she couldn't, she couldn't possibly. But maybe it was always meant to be like this. Maybe it was one of the very things that were always bound to happen. 

She turned back to see Adora, who was still sleeping peacefully. Her heart ached again. Burying her head in her hands, and biting her lip so harshly that she could have drawn blood, eyes wide open and looking down at the floor through her fingers, everything still a mess of darkness, Catra cursed herself. 

I like her. 

I like Adora Grayskull. 

What was she going to do?