Work Text:
Arthur looked in front of him. The remnants of a smashed car littered the road, pieces of it scattered over the asphalt. The cars frame was all that was left, the rest of the car had burned away. It had caught fire shortly after the paramedics had retrieved the body. Blood was smeared on the dark cement of the road, the smell of metal burned in the heat of the midday sun.
Arthur closed his eyes and rubbed them, hands clasped over his face for a moment. The screams, the desperate begging and the parting words resounded in his head.
He hadn't known the victim, Isolde, or her husband Tristan.
Tristan had managed to get free from the vehicle but no amount of pulling and manouvering could free Isolde from the car. The smell of gas had started to waft into the air. They knew they didn't have much time left. Sirens were honking in the far distance.
They had all known the ambulance wasn't going to arrive in time.
"Just hold me." She had said. What she meant was Hold me until you can't any more.
Death was nothing new to Arthur. He was almost familiar with it, if such a thing is possible. His mother had died when he was born due to complications with the birth, his father had died 22 years later from a premature heart attack. Lancelot, one of his close friends, had died during sixth form in a freak accident.
Yet for some reason this strangers death had deeply affected him.
Maybe it was guilt. He hadn't looked before crossing the road, busy in a daydream. Isolde had been driving, she'd swerved to avoid him but the car had flipped. She died saving him. It made sense that it troubled him.
But that wasn't it.
He had made his way home at some point. Did he call a taxi? Maybe he got the bus. He didn't remember how. When he got in, he went straight to bed but sleep evaded him.
After Lancelot died, Arthur started dating Gwen. It was a tender relationship, occuring mostly due to the ache Lance had left in their lives. It was a healing process. It was no surprise that they broke up, it was only ever a stage to continuing, a temporary relationship. When it worked it was brilliant and they did truly love each other but at some point along the way it just stopped being the same.
The break up had been reasonably mutual, and recent, only two months ago. After their break up Arthur had moved in with Merlin who had kindly offered his spare room. He and Merlin had been best friends since secondary. Merlin was always lurking in Arthur's heart.
At some point Merlin had gotten home, Arthur hadn't heard him enter. He was still lying in the dark on his bed.
The door to Arthur's bedroom rattled then opened. Merlin was wearing a t-shirt and some boxer shorts. He was outlined in the dark by a segment of light that broadened out from the half open door, letting the light from the landing stream in and silhouette him.
Merlin didn't even look up, completley oblivious to Arthur as he bent down to pick up socks and various other items of clothing that were strewn about the room. He dumped them all in the wash basket on his hip. Arthur shifted. Merlin looked up, squinted then startled.
"Arthur." He said. "What are you doing here?" He blushed almost immediately after. It was Arthur's room after all.
His eyes scanned Arthur. He frowned, put the basket down and came closer. "Are you alright?"
Merlin hadn't switched the light on and Arthur felt comforted by the darkness, it made it easier to speak.
"I saw a car crash."
"Like you walked past one?" Merlin asked confused.
"No." Arthur looked haunted. "I mean they swerved to miss me and she died, the driver, right in front of me. Her husband held her as the light just... went out." The scent of hot tarmac was back in his nose, his mind clogged with the image of Tristan on his knees near the crash site, head bowed with despair and grief. Isolde was dead on arrival, internal bleeding caused by the crash had taken her from him.
He had seemed crushed, crippled by the loss. Arthur never wanted to feel that.
Arthur swallowed. Merlin sat down, cross-legged near the end of the bed and stretched his hand out, fingers grabbing Arthur's foot in a show of sympathy.
"It made me realise." Arthur started. "It made me realise I'd never lost anyone like that. I miss my parents and Lancelot, all the time and it was hard when they passed, unbearable at times. But this is different. It's- I can't imagine being separated like that. Life is unpredictable and no one knows how long they have. I should spend it with someone I love while I still have the chance to.”
"You want to get back with Gwen?" Merlin questioned tentatively.
Arthur frowned. "What?" He shook his head and shifted on the bed. "No."
He shuffled, moving so that one of his legs dangled over the bed. His knee touched Merlin's shin. He took a deep breath. His heart pounded in his ears. He was ashamed to say that cowardice had always ruled him, curbing his speech and his hearts desires. This was more terrifying than nearly being ran over. He was paralysed by fear and pre-imagined rejection. He managed to find the perseverance he needed to get the confession out.
"After all the loss I've had in my life, I've bared it. I've managed to get on with my life. But today had me thinking, I can't imagine losing you. Ever. If that were to happen-" His words fell away, voice choked with emotion.
Merlin gaped, lost for words.
"I wouldn't cope. I know I wouldn't." Arthur said. "I can't function without you. When I die I want it to be in the arms of someone I love. I want it to be you. I want to be with you in my last moments, in every moment."
Merlin blinked, eyes glazed as he stared at Arthur. "Me?"
Arthur smiled and lightly hit Merlin's leg. "Yes you, you great clotpole."
Merlin's small shy smile reassured Arthur. "That's my word." He whispered.
"I don't want to waste any more time pretending I don't love you." Arthur stated. Merlin's shin was now pressed firmly against Arthur's knee. Merlin wore a watery smile.
Arthur bit his lip. "Do you... Are you- Do you-"
Merlin moved closer as Arthur stuttered until his lips softly captured Arthur's. Arthur made a quiet muffled noise and his hand flew up to cup Merlin's face.
"Yes. I love you too." Merlin confirmed as his nose brushed Arthur's.
Merlin smiled and a tear or two streaked down his face. "I love you." Merlin said again. "I love you. God, I've loved you for so long." He laughed. "I never imagined you would feel the same way."
They shared another kiss, slow and sweet. Merlin curled up against Arthur, touching him, smoothing his hair, tracing his shoulder blade and pulling back to look at his face as if he hadn't been looking at that very same face for the last 15 years.
He looked at him with pure adoration, Arthur soaked it up like he would rays of sunshine. Merlin pecked little kisses along his cheek and on his forehead and nose before just resting, his forehead pressed to Arthur's as they breathed together.
"I want to see your face every day until I die. I want to wake up to you every morning and kiss you every minute." Merlin said.
Arthur pressed his lips to Merlin's, pulling Merlin more properly into his arms and leaning against the headboard. Merlin sighed into the kiss and deepened it, hand curling behind Arthur's ear as he stroked the hair there.
"I love you." Merlin murmured into the kiss. Arthur grinned and tilted their heads closer together.
"I love you too, so much Merlin."
They stayed that way curled up together on the bed tracing one another's bodies and sharing kisses as the morning sky took over, swallowing the night. The darkness faded and so did all the fear and doubt.
A new dawn was coming.