Work Text:
Fandom: Star Trek
Prompt: “What do you mean by that?”
Look, alright, if two universes are stuck together for a while with nothing you can do except wait for an algorithm to process, Nyota knows you gotta blow off steam somehow.
No, not like that, get your minds outta the gutters.
It’s not really her fault if she’s being honest. Look, Sulu knows that if he starts making puns, she’s gonna respond, it’s not her fault if other crew members don’t appreciate the fine artistry associated with pun-making and decide to rearrange the orientation of tables in the mess. It’s not.
She’s sitting with Bones and Burnham on one side of a table, Chekov on the other chatting with Tilly about…something or other with Kirk watching like the proud space dad he is. She’s not really paying attention. She does pay attention when a PADD clatters itself in front of her face and looks up to see Sulu’s eyes practically vibrating with…something.
“I take it something happened during the shuttle test?”
“Oh yeah, something happened,” Sulu says, sitting down and pushing the PADD towards her, “watch.”
She picks it up and clicks. A video of Pike and Sulu in the test shuttle pops up. From the camera angle, she can see their faces but not the controls.
“Alright, shuttle 5, ready for launch.”
“You are clear to go, Captain,” comes Saru’s voice over the comms.
He pushes the lever forward and…nothing.
Pike frowns and checks the lever. “I swear this doesn’t normally happen.”
She watches as video-Sulu looks at the console and…oh she’s pulled that ‘I’m totally not smirking but also —‘ face before.
“Did you leave the parking brake on?”
Pike starts to say something, relooks at the console, flicks a switch, gives Sulu a look, and says: “Launching.”
The screen fades to black.
“Oh. My. God.”
“I have been vindicated,” Sulu says, swiping the PADD back and slapping the table.
“Yeah, yeah you have, that you have,” Nyota says. She watches Sulu start eating victoriously.
“Are you not gonna mention that this is a different Pike that has no relationship whatsoever to the Pike from our universe?” Bones mutters.
“No. I’m not going to ruin his fun.”
“Whose fun?”
She looks up.
“Captain Pike!” Kirk waves him into the empty seat on the other side of Nyota. She makes eye contact with Sulu once before asking whether or not the shuttle test went well.
“Well enough. I think we should be able to get the new one up soon. They were going to name it after Orion’s Belt, or something like that.”
She frowns. “What for?”
He gives the ‘you should know this’ look. “Not a constellation person?”
“Nah, it’s Greek to me.”
“No!” And Chekov is out of the mess hall. Pike stares after him.
“Is…he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine,” Kirk says, “just not a big fan of puns.”
“Ah.”
“Or maybe he doesn’t like Orion’s Belt,” Sulu suggests, “which is justifiable.”
Ooh, she’s glad she’s not sitting on the opposite side of the table ‘cause she can feel the ‘the fuck did you just say’ face coming from Pike. Judging by Tilly’s little mutter of ‘oh shit’ it’s a good one.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Hey, nothing wrong with the Belt, okay,” Sulu says, “I just think it happens to be a big waist of space.”
And so it begins.
Pike chuckles, Kirk huffs into his glass, and Bones just sighs. Tilly and Burnham just stare. Good. This’ll be fun.
“Boo,” she groans, sticking her tongue out, “that was a terrible joke.”
She waits until Kirk’s going to drink again to follow up with: “only three stars.”
As predicted, Kirk almost does a marvelous spit-take. Almost. He recovers just in time to glare at the two of them.
“I was trying to drink, Uhura.”
“That sounds like a personal problem.”
“Come on,” Sulu says, patting poor Kirk until he stops coughing, “give the captain some space.”
She gives him a ‘you can do better’ face. “Well if the quality of your puns is anything to go by the chances of that not happening again are astronomical.”
“Oh, and you think that one was any better?”
“Lightyears better.”
“Do they do this often?” Pike leans backward to make eye contact with Bones.
“Yep.” He takes a swig of whatever alcohol he’s replicated this time. “Goes on for ages too.”
“Hey, pun-making is an under-appreciated art form,” she defends, “it’s not my fault you don’t partake.”
“It’s a business that’s only been recognized recently,” Sulu adds, “real up-and-coming.”
He shoots her a look. Oh, yes, this is gonna be good.
She turns back to Bones. “I guess you could call it — “
“ — no — “
“— a real budding — “
“— don’t you fuckin’ dare, Uhura — “
“ — Enterprise.”
And the thud of Bones’ head hitting the table.
She nods solemnly. “I know, right. Real shocking Discovery.”
She’s rewarded with a high-five from Sulu and a full-blown laugh from Pike. Kirk just kinda shakes his head and pats Bones’ shoulder over the table.
“Maybe we should’ve taken a hint from Chekov and bailed early.”
“And here I thought that kid was just being flighty,” comes the angry southern grunt from the table.
She’s not gonna help with that.
“Well, you know him, always Russian to be somewhere.”
Sulu points an accusing finger at her. “Nope! You went off theme!”
“I’m just trying to Chekov the boxes here, the theme loosely established was ‘space,’ and unless I’m very much mistaken, Starfleet is a part of that, therefore crew members are too.”
Sulu ponders for a minute before glancing to her left. “Guess you’re right. No Bones about it.”
“Don’t you bring me into this.”
A bumps his shoulder. “Does that mean we can’t go above a certain rank?”
Sulu snorts. “Pretty sure it means my head’ll end up on a Pike.”
Awkward silence with one laugh. Good job, Sulu. “And now it’s creepy. Well done, you made it creepy.”
“I didn’t mind,” Pike says. Thank fuck.
“Well that’s good,” Sulu says, relieved, “I’d hate to think I underestimated the gravity of my situation.”
“Nope.” Kirk gets up and does not knock a table over as he hurries out. It fell over on its own. Totally.
“Whoa…” she says, staring after him, “his need to get outta here totally eclipsed everything else.”
Groaning emanates from the table.
“He just rocketed outta here, huh,” Sulu mused.
“Oh, god, just shut up, both of you.”
She giggles at Bones’ exasperation.
“I don’t know, I was enjoying it.”
She turns to see Pike staring at her. “That’s...impressive. How do you come up with them like that?”
“Practice,” she says solemnly, “lots of practice.”
His grin turns maniacal. “No, you just planet.”
If you listen closely you can hear distant Southern yelling.