Chapter Text
Catra and Adora stood at the threshold of a previously unoccupied room in Castle Bright Moon. The large vaulted ceilings and bright colors are unfamiliar to Catra, so much so that it almost gives her a headache. The Fright Zone and Horde Prime’s ship had been so barren, almost sterile, but she’s known nothing else. Comfort, Catra thinks, will take some getting used to.
“Why is it so…” Catra motions to the whole room, “much?” She walks towards the center of the room to take in the strange space. All of it is a bit overwhelming, and she feels a little claustrophobic in the large space. “What, they couldn’t decide on one color so they used all of them?”
Adora follows her, close enough for comfort but not too close as to be constricting. Catra thinks she probably just wants to give her room to take it all in and hopes that’s the only reason for her distance. “It can take some getting used to, that’s for sure,” Adora says. “I know it’s all really new, but you’ll like it eventually.”
As she scans the room, Catra notices a large window on one side and feels herself pulled towards it. In the Fright Zone, windows had been essentially non-existent and, on the ship, they showed nothing but an endless void. Now though, as she puts her hand against the cool glass, there is no fear or worry. The royal gardens of the castle lay below and the night sky above. Where there had been nothing but an unending black night before there now lay endless stars, too many to count, and they are mesmerizing. Less than a day ago, the fear of destruction at the hands of Horde Prime had been inescapable, and the new certainty of peace is a lot to take in. All Catra has known since she could remember is war and the knowledge that she would one day be a part of it. Eventually, she was, and she had come to embody all of her worst fears. Then, suddenly, the life she had known was gone, and the reality of this was bittersweet. She could be happy now, help rebuild the world she had tried to destroy, the love she had tried to abandon. These moments of calm are all she has to hold on to.
Catra’s not sure how long she kneels by the window before Adora sits on the ledge next to her. It takes her a moment to realize she’s there. “So cool, right?” Adora says with a smile in her voice. Catra knows that Adora wants her to be happy here, and she’s trying to be. She pushes a little too hard on the window and it opens slightly. Catra jumps back with a screech and falls to the floor. “Catra, it’s ok! It’s supposed to do that!” Adora says panicked, quickly kneeling next to her. She sits up and takes a moment to breathe, the burst of adrenaline starting to fade. She had never lived in a place with such large windows, let alone windows that opened. She stood hesitantly and once again approached the window, now slightly ajar. She places one hand where it had previously been resting on the windowpane and gives a small push. The window opens noiselessly and lets in a small breeze. Catra closes her eyes and breathes in the fresh air, willing herself to calm down. She can feel Adora’s concern for her and wills herself better.
“Sorry just...never seen windows like this before” Catra says, unsure who she’s apologizing to. She feels like a child again, stumbling and unsure on her own two feet. She wants to be better, for herself and for Adora, but sometimes the difficulty of it all is too much. These new experiences, even the small and inconsequential ones, make her feel like she’s already failing. This world is so new to her, and if she can’t fit in, where does that leave her? Her chest feels tight and the world begins to close in. She knows she could reach for Adora, ask for her help when she knows she needs it, but she can’t. As she feels herself start to panic, she can’t stop staring at the night sky, feeling less comfort now and more crushing anxiety. She can’t breathe. Air enters her lungs but no matter how hard she tries she feels like she’s drowning in the blackness between the stars.
She doesn’t even realize she’s started crying until Adora wraps her arms around her waist and pulls Catra’s back against her chest. “Hey, it’s ok, I’ve got you” Adora says as she holds her. Catra turns and wraps her arms around Adora’s neck, sobbing into her jacket. Adora holds her close and rubs her back in an attempt to soothe her. Catra feels her knees give out and they both sink to the ground. Adora pulls Catra onto her lap and cradles her until her sobs have subsided.
“I’m…I’m sorry” Catra says when she finds her voice. “I’m trying b-but this is all just s-so much.” She hiccups as she speaks and wills herself to stop shaking. Adora pulls her close again. “It’s ok, I know, you just need time” she says.
“No, you don’t get it!” Catra says, pulling away enough to be sure her voice is heard. “I’m not good at this! I just got scared by a window! I’m just not like you.” Her voice becomes less demanding and quieter as she speaks, feeling all of her energy leave her. She slumps in Adora’s hold again, and let’s herself be comforted.
“You’re right, I don’t get it” Adora says, “When I came here, it was totally different. We were still at war, I had no idea what I was doing, and I struggled a lot. It was a lot to get used to. Sometimes it still feels like I don’t quite fit in with the other princesses but…” she pulls Catra away slightly, cupping her cheek in one hand “but that’s ok. I didn’t have to fit in, none of us do. And plus its different for you because you have me.” Adora smiles at her so lovingly that Catra can’t help but believe every word. She knows she could fight her on it, wallow in self pity and explain why she’ll never be good enough, but the exhaustion she sees in Adora’s face tells her this isn’t the time. After all, they had ended a war earlier that day. Adora doesn’t need Catra’s problems on her shoulders right now. It can wait.
Adora lowers her head slightly and places her forehead against Catra’s. “Besides, I think we both deserve to rest right now” Adora says. “Are you ok to stand up?” Catra nods and they both stand. Adora takes her by the hand and pulls her to the dresser before handing her a new set of clothes. Catra looks at them skeptically, the garments being much different than anything she’s ever worn, but she puts them on without question. The bed is also much different than she’s used to, softer and with more pillows than she thinks anyone would ever need. Catra tentatively lays down.
Once she’d gotten to be somewhat comfortable, she notices Adora sitting on the edge of the bed tentatively. “Do you, uh, do you want me to stay? I can give you some privacy, it being your first night and all” Adora says, eyeing the door and wringing her hands slightly. Catra had just assumed they would share a room, but maybe she had misread the situation. Sure, they were in Catra’s new room, but what did it matter whose room it was? Maybe Adora had had enough of her for the day, needed to be alone. Maybe she was sick of being with Catra. They had been on opposite sides for so long, it might take some time to get used to being on the same one again, and she couldn’t fault Adora for that. Like she had said, maybe they just needed time. Maybe Adora needed time.
She sat up slightly and forced a smirk. She didn’t think it was convincing. “If you’re sick of me you can just say it” Catra said, trying to sound like her normal self. She wasn’t entirely joking.
Adora looked at the door and then looked back at her. “Can I stay? Just for tonight? You can have the room to yourself tomorrow but I…I miss you” Adora says, no hint of sarcasm in her voice. Catra’s smile faulters, and she stares at Adora speechless. She’s not sure what to think anymore. Adora had never given up on her but had also always given her the space she needed to heal. It was rare for her to ask for something like this. All Catra could do was nod.
Adora nods back and gets into the bed next to Catra, suddenly unsure. Catra missed this. They may be snarky with each other, but ever since they’d been kids they had been open with each other too. She knows Adora is trying to keep her safe and maybe even a bit sheltered for now, but she’s not perfect. As much as Catra knows Adora is trying to be strong for her, Adora should be able to show weakness too.
Catra curls herself around Adora and puts her head on Adora’s chest. She can feel Adora becoming less tense. Catra purrs quietly as she begins to drift off. “I love you” she says, and the last thing she remembers before falling asleep is Adora sighing happily against her hair.