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If you had told Evan Buckley a year ago that he would end up here, he would’ve laughed in your face and walked away. Yet here he was, sat at a bar considering leaving with a man who just offered him money to spend the night together. It wasn’t the first time someone had proposed paying Buck for sex, it was however the first time he ever actually considered it. Back when he was a bartender, he would simply laugh off the somewhat insulting propositions, choosing not to focus on the fact that someone thought they could determine his worth in cash. But life was different now.
Ever since the lawsuit Buck had found himself lacking any kind of financial stability. He had lawyers fees and medicals bills that needed to be paid, his rent had gone up, given how much time he had spent unable to leave his apartment his gas and electric bills had increased and to top it all off Captain Nash had cut down his shifts. It seemed that none of his co-workers could stomach having him around anymore. The captain couldn’t fire him, but he could make sure he was at the station as little as possible. He was more like a part-time employee at this point. To make matters worse he was now excluded from team meals, he couldn’t even grab a bottle of water from the fridge without being glared at. All of this meant that he was having to spend more of his limited funds on groceries than he ever had before. Gone were the days when he could enjoy Bobby’s home cooked meals and have the leftovers for days afterwards. His dinners now usually consisted of a barely edible microwave meal and maybe some salad if he was lucky enough to afford it.
Nowadays he spent most of his evenings in his local bar. His apartment was too quiet and being there alone just led to his thoughts crushing him like a ladder a truck. He managed to flirt his way into free drinks and sometimes even a bowl of fries to share, always manging to sneak out before the evening’s interest realised that he wasn’t actually going home with them. Tonight, however, he didn’t have the energy to flirt. He made the decision to spend his money on booze rather than groceries, knowing he would regret it the following day. But then again when wasn’t he regretting his life choices? That is how he ended up on a bar stool watching a man slide him a hotel key card. He took the card slowly, as though it was going to bite, slightly unsure of himself as he looked the man in the eyes.
“How much?” He asked, not feeling sure of himself enough to determine his own worth.
“Whatever you want.” The man responded with a cocky smile, flashing his Rolex in Buck’s direction to show off his wealth. He followed the man all the way to the car before he changed his mind.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Before the unnamed man could respond, Evan found himself running. He wasn’t entirely sure how he managed to find his way back to his apartment given the state he was in. When he shut the door behind him, he tumbled to floor, no longer able to contain his cries. The sobbing only intensified when he noticed a letter by his feet… It was an eviction notice. It was moments like this he really wished the tsunami had carried him out to see and never brought him back to the surface.
Forcing himself to go in to work the following day was more difficult than ever before. It was like he had hit a point he couldn’t come back from. He didn’t see any reason for putting effort in anymore. Buck took so long to motivate himself to get out of bed that he barely had time to change, let alone shower, which meant he went into work smelling of whiskey. This was not going to go over well. Hopefully he would be able to stay far enough away from everyone that they wouldn’t notice. It shouldn’t be too hard, it’s not like they talked to him anyway. Unfortunately for Buck, he showed up to work 5 minutes late and that was enough to warrant a lecture from Captain Nash, in front of everyone.
“Buckley, you’re late!”
“Uhm sorry, Captain.”
“Really, that’s all you have to say for yourself. If I remember correctly you sued me and this department because you wanted to work, and after all that you can’t be bothered to show up on time?”
Hen and Chimney at least had the decency to look at the youngest firefighter with a small bit of sympathy, yet they didn’t speak up to defend him. Evan hit his breaking point; he was done being treated like the bad guy.
“I’m only five minutes late, I know for a fact that some people in this room have turned up an hour late and you haven’t reprimanded them at all. You realise this is exactly why I filed that stupid lawsuit, because you treat me differently to everyone else. I get it, okay! I’m just some dumb kid to you, why would anything I say matter, right?”
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!”
“Why not? You’ve done nothing but treat me like trash for the last few months. You can dish it out but when someone calls you out on it, they’re the one in the wrong? Great example your setting Captain, showing everyone that standing up for yourself will end with being unendingly punished. I should’ve taken the money when they offered it.”
Eddie finally spoke up, his head suddenly snapping in Buck’s direction at the mention of money. “What are you talking about? What money Buck?”
“Oh, so your calling me ‘Buck’ now, I thought it was just ‘Buckley’ to you?”
“Buck, what money?” Evan never could resist Hen’s motherly tone, so of course when she repeated Eddie’s question, he felt inclined to answer.
“Before I dropped the lawsuit, the LAFD offered me a settlement, but I turned it down. It was never about money, which is ironic given how things turned out.”
Chimney shook his head almost comically, clearly trying to process the information. “Wait, what do you mean it’s ironic?”
Buck looked hesitantly towards his Captain who, for the first time in months, was looking to him with an expression of concern rather than anger. No, Buck thought to himself, you don’t get to pretend you care now.
“You wanna know the truth, fine here it is. I was offered 5 million dollars to settle. I stupidly turned it down, and the LAFD agreed that if I dropped the lawsuit, I would be reinstated. You let me come back to work, only to give me all the chores and make me the man behind. Then you cut down my shifts, because apparently none of you can act professionally around me, clearly I’m the one that should be punished for that. So, I’m working half as many shifts as I used to, still trying to pay off lawyer’s fees and my medical bills. I can’t afford electricity or gas or my rent. I’m being evicted, I can barely afford more than a couple of microwave meals a week, oh and last night I almost slept with a guy for money because things have gotten so bad. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Buck looked down, tears in eyes, both upset and furious at how things had turned out. “I’m done, okay. I’m done with the ridicule and the punishments. I’m just done. I’m going home, while I still have one.” With that, Buck left the station, telling himself he would never walk back in there again.
Bobby was in shock as where the rest of the 118. To say they’d messed up would be one hell of an understatement. They’d all let their egos take control, Bobby in particular.
“Oh god, what did we do?” Hen’s voice shook as she spoke, lip trembling slightly as she tried desperately to hold back a remorseful cry. “How could we let this happen?”
Chimney didn’t know what to say. His first thought was of Maddie, how was he going to tell her all of this? “We need to fix this” he said, while trying to convince himself it was possible.
Eddie hadn’t moved since Buck walked out, guilt beginning to tear him apart. He was supposed to be Buck’s best friend, the man had saved his kids life for god sake and this was how Eddie repaid him. He was beyond ashamed of himself.
All three firefighters slowly turned towards their captain looking for some sort of guidance and reassurance, but that wasn’t going to happen. Bobby felt like he couldn’t breathe. He’d spent so long trying to convince himself that everything he did was to protect Buck from himself that he failed to notice the boy’s life crumbling around him. What kind of captain would allow things to get this bad? It was the first time he’d ever felt like he truly didn’t deserve the title of Captain. He couldn’t hold back the tears, letting them fall freely and silently. “I don’t know what to do” he brokenly whispered to his team. He wasn’t sure there was anything they could do.
What no one knew was that Sergeant Grant had witnessed the entire exchange. She had arrived seconds after Buck, and upon hearing the start of Bobby’s lecture chose to hang back. For a while now, she’d had a feeling that things at the 118 weren’t as okay as her husband made it seem, and it turns out she was right. Being right had never felt as earth shattering as it did in that moment. When Buck walked out of the station and back into his car, she decided to follow him. Confronting her husband could wait, taking care of Evan could not. Thankfully, he drove straight to his apartment, her fear being that he would end up at a bar being propositioned by slimy rich men again. She made herself known as Buck exited his vehicle, looking more and more defeated as every second passed.
“Hey Buckaroo.” In any other situation it would’ve been quite funny how dramatically Buck startled. The man dropped his keys, swearing in shock.
“Oh my god, Athena you scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry, hun. C’mon let’s go inside. I think we need to talk.” The two made their way into Buck’s apartment in complete silence. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t a comfortable silence either. Entering the apartment sent a chill down the Sergeants spine. The place was barren, just a mattress on the living room floor in front of a second hand tv that looked like it barely functioned. The kitchen was missing cutlery, plates and most importantly food. Her heart sank, all she wanted to do was wrap him up in a hug and never let him go.
“I would offer you a seat, but I don’t think you really wanna sit on the floor huh” Buck tried hard to relieve the tension with humour, hoping it would cover up his shame. “I’m guessing you were at the station when I went off at Bobby…”
“Yeah, sweetheart. I heard everything.” The way Evan’s eyes moved towards the floor, visibly overwhelmed, made Athena feel completely helpless. He deserved so much better.
“Look, Buck, I can’t imagine being in your situation right now. The fact that you saw sleeping with someone for money as your only option breaks my heart. I’m not going to lecture you or ask why you didn’t just ask for help because I’m pretty sure I know the answer. But I am going to tell you one very important thing… You do not have to do this alone anymore. I promise.”
“I didn’t mean for it to get this bad.” Evan wept as the words left his mouth. Athena was at his side instantly, guiding him to floor as the weight of his tears destroyed his balance.
“It’s gonna be okay. Let it out Buckaroo.” She whispered reassurances in his ear, over and over again, threading her hands through his hair as she did so.
“Tell me what to do. Please Athena, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. Help me, please.”
“I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together.” He nodded gently in response, not fully trusting his voice to remain unwavering.
“Okay, Buckaroo, here is what we are going to do…”
Back at the station, the 118 were still in a state of shock. They were sat around the dining table, unsure if what to say or do next. Luckily it had been a quiet shift, meaning they had time to sit around and process what had been going on with Buck. None of them could figure out how they were supposed to fix things, in some way all of them felt as though they had gone past a point of no return. Buck would get through this, but their help would probably do more harm than good.
When Athena marched up the stairs, they all knew she was aware of the situation. Her facial expression said everything they needed to know. She was beyond furious.
“You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You broke that poor boy, leaving him all alone when he needed you most. How could you do that to him. What kind of station are you running here Captain Nash?” She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself before continuing. “You know what the worst part is, the moment you apologise to him he will forgive you no questions asked. Because that’s just the kind of person he is. Buck always puts everyone before himself, doing whatever he needs to do to take care of the people he loves. Mending your relationship with him is gonna take time and a whole lot of effort on your part, but its not impossible. However, you are either all in, or you’re not in at all. I don’t want any of you half-assing this. If you have to get on your knees and beg, you will do it, do you understand me?” They all nodded in response, knowing that every single word she spoke was right. All of them felt a spark of hope from Athena’s statement. They had been so sure that Buck was never ever going to speak to them again so knowing that there’s a possibility of repairing things with their Buckaroo gave them all a feeling of relief.
“Buck’s going to take a few weeks off work and see a therapist before he comes back. He’s going to come and stay in our guest room until he’s back on his feet. You are going to leave him alone for the next few days while he settles in. Under no circumstance will you try and talk to him until he is ready, you do this on his terms. Bobby, I packed you a bag, you are going to stay in Buck’s apartment for a few days, get a taste of how he was living. Don’t worry, he’s not being evicted for another week. Maybe that will help you understand what you need to do to help him. Does anyone have any problems with that? No… good.” On that note, Athena dropped a bag at Bobby’s feet and walked out of the station, leaving the 118 to sit in the tense silence.
It took several days for any of them to hear from Athena or Buck again. Chimney had found himself in hot water with Maddie and was currently staying on Hen’s couch after he was kicked out of the apartment they’d only just moved into. Great start to them living together, he though to himself as he walked into work, Hen by his side. Neither of them was expecting to find Athena and Maddie sat in the kitchen area waiting for the members of the 118 to arrive for their shifts. The two paramedics looked to each other in confusion, not expecting to be given their second chance so soon.
“Maddie, what are you guys doing here?” Chimney could barely look is girlfriend in the eye as he spoke, too afraid he would burst into tears from missing her so much.
“Waiting for all of you” Athena replied on Maddie’s behalf, staring the paramedics down as they moved closer. The two placed themselves at the table, waiting impatiently for Eddie and Bobby to arrive.
When the aforementioned firefighters did finally appear, they too were shocked at the presence of the unexpected visitors. The captain was torn, he knew he should take a seat and listen to what they needed to say but another part of him wanted to run to his wife, hold her and apologise. He’d missed her uncontrollably the last few nights. Staying in Buck’s cold and empty apartment made him remember the days after he lost his family. He felt alone and lost, lying on a lumpy mattress looking around at the lack of personal items occupying the apartment. The first night, he made a promise to himself, that if he was given the opportunity to make things right with Buck, he would do whatever it takes. No one deserved to live the way he had been the past few months. To think Bobby had been a cause of Buck’s quality of life declining so badly was a heart-breaking thought. He was shaken from his endless contemplation by his wife clearing her throat. She was ready to talk.
“You guys are lucky Buck has such a pure heart. He’s spent the last few days worrying about all of you, scared that you were being consumed by guilt or something. That kid needs his family back and I’m not going to be the one that stands in the way of that. So, after your shift you will all be coming over for dinner, it’s not option by the way. I’ve already sorted things out with Karen and Carla, so Hen and Eddie don’t have to worry about childcare. Bobby collect your things from Buck’s apartment before you come home, okay?”
“I can come home?” The way Bobby’s voice shook so strongly in such a short sentence, made Athena’s defensive exterior slowly fall to pieces. She moved closer to her husband, placing her hand lovingly on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you. Come home.”
Maddie followed Athena’s example, taking a seat next to chimney before opening her arms for a hug. The safety of Howie’s arms is something she never thought she would find and being without if even for just a few days made her miserable. “The apartment isn’t the same without you” she said gently, making sure to look her boyfriend in the eyes so he knew she was being sincere. “You’re not off the hook, but I don’t want to stay mad at you, anger doesn’t help anyone.” Those words resonated with everyone. Anger had gotten them into this situation in the first place. It was time anger was replaced with unconditional love and support.
Buck was growing increasingly anxious as the dinner came closer and closer. He knew, deep down, that the longer he put off talking to the 118, the harder it would be to fix things. At the end of the day, you don’t abandon your family. When they mess up, you give them a chance. They hadn’t given him that courtesy but that didn’t mean he needed to sink to the same level. He knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of unwarranted hatred and he wasn’t going to be the cause of it for someone else. Sensing his mounting panic, Maddie placed her arm around her brother’s waist, grounding him as best she could. The two made their way over to the couch and cuddled into one another as they waited for the arrival of the 118. Athena, meanwhile, was in the kitchen making Buck’s favourite meal. When she saw the two siblings embrace on the couch, she felt her heart soar for the first time since the truth came out. The way the two Buckley’s took care of one another was beautiful and she could only hope her kids would grow to share that same bond. A knock at the door caused all three of them to freeze suddenly. It was time to face everyone and talk it out.
Bobby, Chimney, Eddie and Hen decided to come together, none of them wanting to be the first to arrive. When the front door opened, they all felt a wave of relief to find Athena inviting them in with a kind smile. They had all been expecting a somewhat hostile reception, figuring that Athena and Maddie would be less forgiving with Buck around, feeling the need to protect him from them. But that didn’t happen. Instead, Athena greeted them all with an encouraging hug, even welcoming Bobby home with a quick kiss. She led them into the house, telling them dinner was pretty much ready and to take their seats at the table. That was where they found Buck and Maddie. The Buckley siblings were stood by the dining table, Buck looking at the floor clearly finding the situation incredibly awkward.
Hen was the first to make a move. She calmly walked towards Buck, grabbing his hand in hers and he looked up.
“I missed you, Buckaroo and I’m sorry. I know that probably doesn’t mean much, but I need you to know that I regret how I handled things. You deserved so much better and I promise I will be there for you however you need me.” Evan didn’t know what to say. He’d expected some grovelling for forgiveness amidst attempts at excusing their behaviour. What he hadn’t anticipated was for them to take full responsibility for their actions. Chim was next to speak up, pulling his girlfriend in for a hug before turning to the man he saw as a little brother.
“I completely agree with what Hen said. We let you down and we can’t fix that. But we can make sure that it never happens again. The station hasn’t been the same for a while, and I think it’s because we haven’t had you making the place feel brighter.” The compliments were making Buck blush slightly, it had been a while since anyone had been this kind to him without wanting something in return. Feeling more relaxed, Evan pulled Hen and Chimney in for a hug. Two down, two to go.
Eddie cleared his throat, disrupting the moment between his three colleagues. He was ready to talk and if he didn’t do it now, he would chicken out. “Buck, I don’t what to say. You saved my sons life, and before you say you lost him, you have to know that you saved him there’s no denying that. We all know I’m not exactly good with feelings, I regret everything I said to you. You are not exhausting or selfish, I took my problems out on you and that wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, not just for the way I’ve treated you but also for being the world’s worst best friend. I also shouldn’t have expected you to know that Chris needed you after the tsunami. He was having nightmares before the lawsuit and I didn’t tell you but then I expected you to know anyway. I shouldn’t have put that kind of pressure on you. I swear I’m going to do everything I can to make things right and be a better friend. I was wrong Buck and I’m so sorry.” The entire room was in tears by the time Eddie finished his speech, everyone feeling surprised at the man’s willingness to be so emotionally open in front of them all.
Evan felt a wave of relief. He’d missed Eddie a lot. Before everyone had arrived, Buck had been worrying about what he was supposed to say to any of them, but in that moment, he knew exactly what words to use.
“I’ve got your back, brother.” He smiled as the sentence echoed around the room, everyone but Athena and Maddie laughing at Buck’s reference to the call that brought Eddie and Buck closer together. The two men practically jumped into each other’s arms, everybody else sharing a knowing look as they hugged longer than ‘just friends’ usually do. As they pulled apart, Eddie and Buck caught each other’s eyes, the spark finally returning now that they’d made amends. “Chris misses you. Maybe you could come over for pizza and video games tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, I’d like that. You know I’d never pass up an opportunity to spend time with my favourite Diaz. Oh, and in case it wasn’t clear, Christopher is definitely my favourite.” All that was left was for Buck and Bobby to talk but Athena knew that was a conversation that needed to be had in private. She used the moment of silence following the best friend reunion to announce that dinner was ready. For the first time in months, the 118, Maddie and Athena sat around the table enjoying the banter and teasing that accompanied the meal. Buck hadn’t been so at peace in a long time.
After everyone had been thoroughly well fed, they all made their way to the garden, ready to enjoy the warm evening sat around the fire pit. Athena not so subtly suggested that Bobby help Buck clear the table, knowing the two of them needed a slight push in order to actually talk to each other. Once the doors to the garden were closed, the two men found themselves alone. Making their way to the kitchen in silence, they gathered up the dirty plates and piled them up next to the sink. Bobby was the first to break the intense silence. “Do you want to wash or dry?” It was a pretty simple question, but it was enough for Buck to panic briefly before grabbing the nearest towel instead of answering. They spent the first few minutes focused on the tasks at hand, neither one knowing how to approach the elephant in the room. In the end, it was Buck who cracked first.
“I uhm… I’m sorry Athena made you sleep in my apartment. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“No, you don’t need to apologise for anything Buck. I deserved it. I guess I forgot how lonely it can be, having no one for company at the end of the day. You shouldn’t have had to live like that and I’m very grateful that Athena brought you to stay here.”
“Yeah, she didn’t really give me much of a choice.” The two shared a brief laugh at the mention of Athena and her unrelenting stubbornness. “I don’t blame you; I hope you know that. The lawsuit was a mistake, I should’ve considered the consequences properly instead of jumping in headfirst without a second thought. I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone. And everything that happened after was a result of my actions. There were moments I could’ve asked for help, but I didn’t. How bad things got, isn’t on you.”
“Buck, you were right. I punished you for standing up for yourself and that was wrong of me. Your reasons for filing the lawsuit were justified, and clearly the LAFD agreed otherwise they wouldn’t have offered to settle. I’m utterly amazed by you and your decision to turn down that money. You could’ve become a millionaire, but you chose your family instead. Most people would’ve taken the money, but you aren’t most people.” Turning towards Buck, Bobby grabbed his shoulders looking the young man in the eye to ensure his words would be received. “Evan you are strong and kind and loving. You are all the things people should aspire to be. Maybe you haven’t always made the wisest choices, but you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t make mistakes. The reason I kept you from working was because I wasn’t ready. It has taken way too long for me to admit that to myself. You are like a son to me, I know everyone jokes about that sometimes, but I truly do see you as a son. The thought of losing you got too much for me to handle and rather than finding a mature way of dealing with it, I chose to push you away. I thought by holding you back from working, I was protecting you. Obviously, I was wrong. Then when you returned, I put distance between us to protect myself. There’s no way I can take back what I’ve done, if there was, trust me when I say that I would’ve done it already. All I can do is support you in getting back on your feet. Whenever you are ready, be it tomorrow, next month or next year, your job will be waiting for you. No one is going to take your place with us. We have all talked and we have put some money together to help pay off your lawyer fees and medical bills and Athena has handled the rent you owe your landlord. I know money can’t fix things, and we aren’t trying to buy your love or trust, we just want to help make your life a little bit easier. Knowing you almost had to sell yourself to survive broke my heart and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never end up in that position again. I swear to you Buck, I will be a better man.”
Buck bawled as he embraced his captain. Neither man was able to hold back their emotions any longer, both collapsing in a heap on the floor as they held each other. That was how Athena found them half an hour later. Bobby and Evan were sat, backs against the cupboards, as they talked about everything they’d missed the past few months.
“Well, looks like you two made up. Glad I don’t have to beat your asses to get you to talk.” Athena smirked as the two men stood up, wiping the tears from their eyes, trying to compose themselves.
“You two gonna be okay?” she asked, wanting nothing more than to wipe their tears away herself.
Bobby looked to his son, his eyes watering again as he thought of how far the young man had come from the reckless boy that walked into his station years ago. “Yeah, we’re gonna be okay.”