Chapter Text
It was a really bad day, Jimin decided as he ran through the rain, feet splashing water against his legs. Dimly lit store windows rushed by; his hair was wet and flat on his head, and his thin jacket soaked from the never-ending downpour. He passed a few people with colorful umbrellas that were hurrying to get into the warmth of their homes and Jimin wished he were one of them.
But he wasn’t.
Jimin was running through the lesser crowded parts of Seoul to get to dance practice with Jungkook. For which he was already late by 20 minutes. Only because his mother had kept him on the phone just before he wanted to leave. And he couldn’t do anything but listen to her while sitting on his bed, being told about things he really didn’t want to be confronted with. Of problems and hardships that they faced at home, while he seemed to be stuck in this infinite cycle of work far away from them in Seoul. Unable to provide more than an open ear or money to help pay the bills.
But he shouldn’t let his head get stuck on this right now; not when Jungkook must have already been practicing their choreography diligently and probably knew all the moves by heart by now. Their golden maknae was always fast at picking up the choreographies, and normally Jimin would only find a feeling of pride blooming inside himself for Jungkook. But on this particular day, fate hadn’t been on Jimin’s side. And to be fair, Jimin couldn’t find the strength to be on anyone’s side either.
Eventually, he reached the company building and rushed inside. His feet brought him quickly to the dance studio and he hurried to change and dry himself up a bit before he entered the room where Jungkook was already dancing alone. The music of their song was blasting through the speakers and the maknae’s sharp and precise movements seemed to accentuate the atmosphere of the beats even further.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.”, Jimin rambled, as he jumped inside.
Jungkook got startled by his appearance and messed up the choreography. Sweaty strands of hair stuck to his forehead. With flushed cheeks, Jungkook turned around to his hyung.
“Yah! Jimin-ah, don’t come in here like that. ”, he shouted and let his words echo through the studio. “But nice of you to find the time to come eventually. Where the hell were you?”
Jimin gulped down an angry remark and walked to the center of the studio. Granting the maknae the unrespectful tone, he raised his arms in defeat.
“I’m sorry for being late, I got held up by my mom and-“ Jungkook’s piercing gaze made Jimin stop midsentence. The annoyance was evident on the younger’s face.
“It was your wish to meet earlier. I pushed around my appointments for today just to find myself practicing alone.”, Jungkook said and Jimin could hear his disappointment.
Embarrassment found it’s way into Jimin’s mind and he gulped down a lump that had formed in his throat. “I’m-“
“Let’s just dance, okay?”, Jungkook interrupted him a little gentler. Jimin gaze fell to the ground and he only nodded in response.
“I’ll just get some water.”, Jimin said and began to walk back to the door. They had a stash of water bottles somewhere outside of the studio.
Jungkook sighed and closed his eyes in annoyance.
Jimin didn’t know why Jungkook was being so passive aggressive that day but then again Jimin practically begged the maknae to advance the training session by an hour. His dongsaeng had a busy week, Jimin knew that, he was scheduled for multiple recording sessions and had a photo shooting the next day. As the hyung, Jimin normally wanted to support the maknae properly. He always tried to be a good role model – at which he was failing miserably lately.
“Nevermind.”, Jimin said defeatedly and walked back to his spot next to Jungkook. He didn’t want to upset the maknae any further or they wouldn’t get done anything at all. “Let’s start.”
They went through the choreography multiple times and it went good on average, Jungkook alone was almost perfect though.
The upbeat music was the exact opposite of his current mood. Listening to it repeatedly was exhausting and trying to ace the dance seemed to be almost impossible at that moment.
Jimin felt like crying as he stepped on Jungkook’s feet for the third time in a row. “I can’t believe that shit.”, he grumbled and blinked rapidly to cast away the tears that were beginning to sting in his eyes.
“Jimin-ssi, I can’t practice like this. Can you please concentrate?”, Jungkook said and Jimin could see that the maknae was trying really hard to conceal his annoyance. But Jimin knew him well enough by now to recognize the furrowed eyebrows and slightly blown nostrils as signs for his imminent frustration.
“It’s not like I’m not trying!”, Jimin said irritably, his voice picking up in volume as he tried to express his feelings. “Man, you are really sensitive today Jungkook! I’m sorry for being such a burden but I had a shitty day and-“
“You don’t need to shout at me, Jimin-ssi. I just can’t help you right now. I don’t have any more capacities for anything else today. I just want to get over with this practice and then I must go to vocal practice and it’s going to be really hard. I really don’t want to disappoint our coach yet again.”, Jungkook said and wiped away the sweat from his forehead and neck.
Jimin stared at him, again feeling tears burning in his eyes. He forgot that Jungkook had switched vocal and dance practice to be able to fulfill Jimin’s wish to practice earlier. Jungkook hated vocal practice after dancing and their coach had been stricter recently due to their little improvements. all of them had such busy schedules that they didn’t find enough free time to practice more. But they knew how important constant repetitions were for viable improvements.
Jungkook went to drink something but Jimin was frozen in his spot. That day was a catastrophe.
The maknae sat down for a moment and hid his face in his hands, breathing heavily.
Almost forgetting his own hardships, Jimin eyed him with concern. “Are you alright?”, Jimin asked and walked to him slowly.
“Yeah.”, he answered but Jimin couldn’t help but worry as he wondered whether Jungkook was too exhausted to go to vocal practice at all.
“Are you sure? Do you need anything?”, Jimin tried again. If he was unable to show off a decent performance, he at least needed to be a better hyung.
Jungkook, though, let his hands fall onto his legs and stared at Jimin with an unconcealed annoyed look on his face. “Stop it! When I say I’m fine then you have to believe me!”, the maknae spat. “Why are you always desperately trying to find signs that I might be not okay? It’s not my fault that this practice is a complete waste of time. I really don’t need your overprotective hypocrisy!”
If there would have been an option to being swallowed by the ground immediately, the older dancer would have chosen it in a heartbeat. But there wasn’t and that’s why Jimin only stared at Jungkook with wide eyes, not comprehending what he just heard.
They stood in silence for a few seconds. The thoughts in his head were a chaotic mess, but then Jimin decided that enough was enough.
“What the fuck, Jungkook? How can you say something like that?”, Jimin shouted. “You don’t mean that!” His heart pounded in his chest like it was trying to break through his ribcage.
It seemed like the maknae contemplated his next reaction for a short moment. “You heard me right. I’m so sick of this.”, Jungkook spat back eventually and went back to the music system. He started the music and walked past Jimin to start dancing again. His gaze was cold and full of anger.
Tears spilled out of Jimin’s eyes and he choked on his breath. If anything, Jimin had never been good at concealing hurt, so he didn’t even try to stop the tears. Jungkook’s gaze flickered to his hyung for a second, bewilderment flooding his mind at Jimin’s sight. However, before he could even think of reacting in any way, Jimin ran back to his stuff that he put down at the entrance. Jungkook stood frozen in his step, the choreography long but forgotten as it slowly dawned on him what mess he had created.
“Fine, Jungkook, I won’t bother with you anymore! Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your way from now on. I’ve had enough of your arrogant attitude anyway.”, Jimin shouted at Jungkook and opened the door. His pain-stricken voice nipped at Jungkook, as the older dancer addressed him coldly. “Don’t call or contact me. Not that I’d actually expect it.” The last sentence was said quieter as Jimin stormed out of the studio, leaving a slightly (or better heavily) startled and uncertain maknae behind.
Jimin walked quickly through the rainy streets, tears running silently down his face. He needed to calm down before he got back home. Everything would be better if he just calmed down a bit more, he told himself.
The problem was that he’d been on the edge all day. The morning began with him oversleeping and missing his doctor’s appointment for which he even had to skip dinner. They wanted to do some tests because he was struggling with blood circulation problems recently. Then he ripped his favorite jeans, poured juice over his laptop and broke a vase in the kitchen – all in the course of three hours.
Jimin felt his heart beating angrily against his chest and his breath was dry and painful in his throat. His mind repeated the argument over and over like a broken record. He had been doomed from the beginning; nothing was going as it should. Everything was fucked up and embarrassment from the humiliation made him groan angrily. He reached the street of the dorm and slowed down a bit.
Jungkook had been uncharacteristically rude and Jimin couldn’t help but feel awful and that he had been treated unfairly. They actually didn’t fight normally; instead it was almost weird how well they got along. The other members were constantly snickering about them being so peaceful towards one another; never engaging in more than playful bickering. Therefore, it wasn’t really a surprise that Jimin was almost stunned at how fast their argument had worsened.
An overwhelming feeling of uneasiness grew inside him while he walked closer to their home building. Jimin breathed in deeply, trying to calm his nerves and push away the nauseating feeling. He felt cold sweat on his body and his skin seemed to get more sensitive every second. His stomach churned unpleasantly and a pressure seemed to build up in his head and throat.
Suddenly his phone rang and without thinking much about it he fetched it from his pocket. Jungkook’s bunny smile was flashing on the screen and Jimin hesitated for a second until he tapped on the accept-call-button.
“I told you not to contact me!”, Jimin said angrily but his voice sounded more exhausted than enraged.
A sob could be heard from the other end. “Hyung-nim”, Jungkook cried. “I- I’m so so-sorry!“ He was crying so hard that Jimin’s heart constricted immediately. “I- I-“, Jungkook continued to gasp but he seemed to be unable to form any words.
Jimin pinched his nose with two fingers and stopped in his tracks. He felt his body sway as he tried to form some coherent thoughts. He was standing still but his surroundings were still moving?
A loud sob erupted from the speaker.
“Whe- Where are you, Jungkook? Are you… uh… still at the studio?”, Jimin pressed out and looked around to see if there was anything he could sit on. His heart was beating fast and painful against his chest and he found himself wheezing for air.
With unsteady feet he passed the gate and the small parking lot in front of their home. There was nothing to sit on, so he decided to sit down against the wall next to the entrance.
Jungkook’s sobs and gasps were forced to silence as Jungkook began to answer. “I- I don’t know.”
Jimin closed his eyes as he heard the response and wiped away some sweat that had formed on his upper lip. The rain was still pouring down but he didn’t really care anymore since the overhang from the roof offered some protection. He leaned his head back until he was facing the sky.
Jimin sighed. “Don’t be stupid, just tell me where you are.”
There was a small pause until Jungkook’s voice could be heard again, now a bit stronger. “I really don’t know, I ran outside and got lost. I’ll get a cab hyung. Are you at home? Are you alright?”
“I-“, Jimin began but his head was clouded in dizziness and he felt sick in his stomach. “Uh-“
Jimin tried to swallow down the pressure he felt building up in his head and throat. With his free hand he grazed the skin around his throat, trying to cool down the uncomfortable warmth.
“Uh-“, Jimin began again but somehow, he wasn’t sure what he was on about anymore. He lowered the phone and looked at the display to still see Jungkook’s face from the connected call. As he put the phone back against his ear, there could be heard Jungkook’s frantic questions.
“-there? Hyung? Jimin-ssi where are you?”
Jimin looked around him and saw the entrance. “Home, outside.”, he answered and didn’t register that he slurred the words.
“Shit Jimin, I’m on my way. Are you save? Do you feel sick?”, Jungkook asked worried.
Jimin really tried to answer but he wasn’t sure whether there were any words leaving his mouth before he couldn’t keep his hand with the phone up anymore.