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Once in a while, usually when he least expects it, Oikawa finds himself drowning in his own negativity. It usually starts with a misstep, or a slight error in his routine. It starts small, like a fly buzzing around. But when Oikawa pays it too much attention he suddenly becomes aware of the other buzzing and then it’s not only a fly but instead its the heat and then humidity, then the bites and then, then he can’t stop noticing things. When that happens, everything seems to just go wrong.
It starts with waking up late for practice—or perhaps, it starts with a simple call to one of his cherished friends the night before. Oikawa spends most of the day thinking of just messaging Issei, he knows his friend wont mind the simple greeting. It’s not like they haven’t kept in touch this whole time and Matsukawa, much like Oikawa, has a very busy life. So yeah, he will understand. But something about it doesn’t sit right with Oikawa. It’s not like birthdays are that great of a deal but now that he lives continents away, sometimes birthdays are the only chance he has to feel closer to home.
He plans it well. He thinks back to what he knows about Matsukawa’s schedule and taking into consideration his friend’s often desire to sleep in, Oikawa decides on calling after ten at night. Japan is only twelve hours ahead and Oikawa is sure Matsukawa wont throw that big of a fit considering he probably has the day off and the only activity planned is either lunch or dinner with his friends. He thinks about calling Hanamaki to run his plan through him but in the end he decides against it. It’s just a call, worst case scenario he just doesn’t pick up.
Practice that day is centred on stretches and recovery so he feels quite relaxed by the time he goes home. Oikawa doesn’t usually cook fancy meals but with the extra energy he finds himself trying a new recipe one of his teammates gave him. Like most Argentinian recipes, a good steak of meat is involved so regardless of how his potato salad turned out, the meat is enough to keep him satisfied. On regular days Oikawa will call it a night by nine but instead to stay up that extra hour he boils some water, makes himself some mate, and watches an episode of a soap opera just to practice his Spanish.
When the episode ends the clock reads a quarter after and Oikawa relaxes on the couch before he dials Matsukawa’s number through WhatsApp. He makes it a video call for the heck of it. Matsukawa doesn’t answer but Oikawa tries again anyways. Matsukawa is not the type to mute his phone so even if he sleeping, maybe the ringing will eventually wake him.
This time Matsukawa answers after five rings. Oikawa hears the call connect. He puts down his mate gourd on the living room table and straightens out, ready to squeal out a happy birthday when Matsukawa’s sweaty face comes to view and Oikawa blinks back surprised.
“Yo.” Matsukawa greets, rubbing off some sweat with his shirt.
“Are you working out?” Oikawa asks, holding back a snort.
Matsukawa doesn’t miss a beat. “How else do you think I keep this body.”
Oikawa laughs at his friend’s deadpan face and later smiles when he catches the slight tilt of his mouth. “Happy Birthday Mattsun!” Oikawa cheers.
“Ah.” Matsukawa groans. “Yes, I am old.” From the background Oikawa hears the sound of volleyball’s getting hit and some laughter. “Thanks.”
“Mattsun.” Oikawa whines. “If you are old, what does that make me?”
“Still younger than Hajime.”
Oikawa laughs and is about to add to the joke when he hears Hanamaki’s voice call out to Matsukawa. “Makki’s there?” Oikawa asks surprised. “He is awake?”
“Oikawa!” Hanamaki greets, coming into view of the camera. Regardless of the shock of seeing both his friends awake and in a gym at ten in the morning, Oikawa smiles.
“Starting the day with a good workout?” Oikawa teases.
Matsukawa grins while Hanamaki pouts. “Let it be known I wanted to sleep and I wasn’t even invited.”
Matsukawa snorts, bumping his shoulder. “We needed one more player.”
“Oh?” Oikawa inquires. “You’re playing a game?” From the distance someone calls out to Matsukawa and it takes a few seconds for Oikawa to recognize that voice. “Is that Kindaichi?”
Matsukawa is focused elsewhere so Hanamaki takes the chance to snatch up the phone from him as he nods before he starts to jog, trying to keep his face centred on the camera as he calls out, “Kindaichi, come greet your favourite senpai!”
Oikawa hears some spluttering before Hanamaki is reaching over to grab Kindaichi and forcing him to face the camera for Oikawa to get a good look. Kindaichi, much like Matsukawa and Hanamaki is sweating heavily but his face is also relaxed. He is surprised at first before his eyes finally study Oikawa and he offers a smile as Oikawa greets him with a wide smile himself.
“Well aren’t you all grown up!” Oikawa says, noticing that Kindaichi now stands even taller. He also looks much older but its probably because of that nice undercut.
“Oikawa-san.” Kindaichi politely greets while from a distance Matsukawa is yelling for his phone.
“So what is this, a nice Seijoh reunion for Mattsun’s birthday?” Oikawa asks curiously. Deep inside he feels a slight itch by his chest but there is no reason to be hurt or offended. It’s not like this is a secret meeting that they purposely left him out of. I’m continents away.
“Ah, not really?” Kindaichi replies, face a bit flushed but Oikawa doesn’t think much of it. The phone shifts and Hanamaki’s face now takes up most of the screen.
“Naw. It’s the MB-showdown. They scheduled this months ago and Issei, that idiot, agreed to the date forgetting that it was his birthday.”
“I was half asleep when I agreed!” Matsukawa complains, coming into view as he jogs forward. “Plus, I can’t be too picky.”
“Whats the MB-showdown?” Oikawa asks, secretly taking a screenshot since three of his former teammates are in the shot and Oikawa has missed them.
For a second the three of them look into the camera with confusion, if Oikawa wasn’t as observant, he would have missed it. All too quickly their smiles are back and Kindaichi is suddenly out of the frame while Matsukawa takes back his phone and centres it so Oikawa can only really see his face and a bit of the background. Oikawa catches the sight of a net and a few people standing around.
“I thought Tsukishima would have told you.” Matsukawa says, once again reaching for his shirt to wipe the sweat from his chin.
Oikawa blinks and then tilts his head. “I haven’t really talked to him in a while. Isn’t he doing his exams? I send him the occasional meme but last time he blocked me for a week.”
Matsukawa laughs before he turns around and yells out Tsukishima’s name. Oikawa blinks, focusing his attention to the continuous sounds of volleyballs being hit and the sound of shoes squeaking against the gym floor. It’s not long before Tsukishima’s face comes into view.
“Oh.” He says. “You.”
“Kei-kun!” Oikawa’s grin widens at the frown Tsukishima gives him at the sound of his nickname.
“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Tsukishima questions.
“What’s the MB-showdown?” Oikawa counters.
Tsukishima’s eyes narrow. Matsukawa bumps his shoulder with his own and Tsukishima sighs. “It’s suppose to be a secret.” He murmurs giving Matsukawa a pointed look.
“Takahiro knows.” Matsukawa says. “And Kunimi. And Yamaguchi. And Osamu. And Eita. And—“
“I get it.” Tsukishima cuts him off. He sighs and then looks to the screen, meeting Oikawa’s eyes. “It’s just a stupid name to this stupid competition we have.”
“Competition?” Oikawa questions, adding: “who’s ‘we'?”
“Middle blockers from high school.” Tsukishima replies.
Now that’s interesting. Oikawa blinks, a little taken aback. Matsukawa begins whining about Tsukishima’s choice of words and his lack of excitement while Tsukishima rolls his eyes and nods along. From the background someone yells out a ‘nice serve’ and it all seems to click in his head and a jolt of energy courses through his body.
“Nice serve~” He hears again and Oikawa’s mind goes back to names Matsukawa had listed. Eita.
“Is that Tendou?” Oikawa finds himself asking. Matsukawa turns away from the camera to reply to someone after they call out his name again. Tsukishima, now apparently holding the phone, answers his question with a stare. Oikawa gulps. “Who else is there?”
Tsukishima doesn’t hesitate in his blunt response. “A lot of other people that don’t particularly like you.”
On cue a face Oikawa hates to recognize materializes from out of nowhere. With great ease the face rests on Tsukishima’s shoulder, his eyes instantly finding Oikawa’s and his lip quirking up in a smirk.
Oikawa fakes a smile in an instant, to match up his. “Rin-kun.” He greets with a tone even someone that doesn’t know him would know is fake.
“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Suna mocks, his head tilting to rest comfortably against Tsukishima’s.
“I told you about my bedtime in confidence!” Oikawa whines out to Tsukishima who easily rolls his eyes. He shrugs his shoulder slightly and Suna lets up. He lifts his head and Oikawa catches sight of the slight green colour that is left from where skin to skin contact was made between the two. He makes sure to not appear like he is staring as he tries to focus entirely on Tsukishima. “So you guys just get together to play a few sets?”
“We shit talk you during breaks.” Suna says.
“Rin-kun.” Oikawa cheers. “Don’t you think your obsession with me is reaching a new high?” Suna raises a brow but before he can say anything another voice comes from the background calling out for Suna and ‘Tsukki’. Suna’s smile turns a little wicked and from experience Oikawa finds his body tensing. “Where’s Mattsun? I just called to wish him a happy birthday. I should go.”
Matsukawa pops his head from the side and Tsukishima hands him the phone before he turns to walk away. Oikawa watches as he reaches an approaching figure that shares his height but in contrast to Tsukishima he has dark hair sticking up as if it were bed hair. Oikawa has seen enough pictures to know who it is.
“Thanks for calling Tooru.” Matsukawa’s voice breaks through his thoughts and Oikawa smiles back at his friend. Suna, who’s lingering behind Matsukawa, meets his eyes one more time and Oikawa is close to sticking up his middle finger when he catches that stupid smirk on his face.
Thankfully Hanamaki comes forward then, sticking his face close to Matsukawa’s so that together they take up the entire screen. Matsukawa gives him a soft smile while Hanamaki grins and tells him to ignore the assholes. “Happy birthday Mattsun.” Oikawa says one more time before his friends say their goodbyes and Oikawa ends the video call.
He locks his phone right after and reaches for a pillow to scream into.
And that’s how it starts.
The video call barely lasted twenty minutes so he manages to get in bed before eleven but he fails to sleep until much later. Due to that, he wakes up late and misses the first hour of practice. His coach and teammates don’t make a fuss about it because it’s literally the first time but Oikawa laments it all day. To make matters worse, the gym floors are scheduled to be waxed that night so Oikawa can’t stay later to make up for the hour he missed.
Then, in the change room his captain comes out with a cake and everyone pulls out a gift for their libero since it’s his birthday and Oikawa has to sit there embarrassed because he forgot his gift at home. His teammates then tease him in both Spanish and English and though their jokes were lighthearted, they hit a nerve in Oikawa.
Their libero is quick to suggest dinner at a steakhouse and Oikawa finds himself agreeing under peer pressure plus he already feels bad for not having a gift. He gets along well with his team so at least their company is not something he dreads. Even so, half way through dinner the beers are brought out and Oikawa is the only one not drinking meaning he is soon the one babysitting and what should have been a short dinner ends up into a whole night type of event.
He finally makes it home a little after midnight and because he is exhausted he goes to sleep without even brushing his teeth. He wakes up the next day with his clothes from the night before. He lays in his bed for a good half hour regretting everything before he finally starts his day. This time he doesn’t have practice to worry about but Oikawa still has a routine to follow and so it's not long before he is heading to the gym.
Once he is there he realizes he forgot his headphones so he has to struggle through his workout without music. The gym also happens to have the pool closed off for cleaning so Oikawa has to find another way to do cardio. Without his headphones the jog he ends up taking is even more dreadful than anticipated because Oikawa does nothing but think. Usually that’s not such a bad thing but today— today, on his way to the gym Oikawa had received a message from Tsukishima.
It was a picture with the caption; ‘the whole squad is here’. A picture probably taken on Mattsun’s birthday. A picture of everyone in that stupid gym competing for that stupid MB-showdown.
Oikawa jogs faster and longer than usual without even realizing it. His mind, over and over again, draws up the image of the picture. Of course he deleted the picture right away because he knows himself and he knows he will obsess over it. Which, to be fair, is exactly what he is doing because his memory is stellar and Oikawa can actually remember every stupid fucking detail of that picture.
A part of him is greatly impressed that so many of them found the time to get together like that. Though he doesn’t personally know everyone in the picture he knows enough about volleyball for him to understand how impressive it all is. Half the people in that picture play volleyball professionally. It’s also unique that volleyball has managed to bring people from various schools together like that. It’s all fucking fantastic.
Except.
Except it's not because the people in the picture give Oikawa severe anxiety and all because of Suna’s stupid comment about ‘shit talking him during breaks’. That and the fact that he knows half the people in that picture have a reason to dislike him. And to Oikawa’s great displeasure, once he starts thinking about people and their dislike for him he always finds himself thinking about them—
And well. That’s really the centre of the issue. Every negative thought in Oikawa’s mind somehow always traces back to them. It’s always them.
Don’t think about it. Oikawa tells himself. Don’t think about it. He repeats over and over again but it’s futile. Oikawa does nothing but think about the soulmates he has. He does nothing but think how they are both in Japan. He does nothing but think how they are not by his side and its all his goddamn fault.
He does nothing but think that it’s what he wants and the whole world seems to be against that very stance.
“He took my phone when I wasn’t looking.” Tsukishima tells him when he calls him later that night. Oikawa, exhausted from his jog lies on his bed, the phone on his chest while his hands play with his hair.
“He could have just sent me the picture himself. He has my number.”
Tsukishima hums. “He said it would hurt more if it came from me.”
“He is an asshole.” Oikawa states. “I hate him. Break up with him.”
“So I guess his plan worked?” Tsukishima probes.
“If the plan was getting me to overthink about how everyone in my orbit is somehow connected and aware of the soulmates I rejected and thus hate me—“ Oikawa huffs. “—then yes.” There is a pause of silence before Oikawa caves and timidly asks; “do you guys really shit talk me during breaks?”
Tsukishima sighs and Oikawa feels his gut twist. “Tendou and Kuroo, if given the chance, spit on your name shamelessly.” Oikawa grips his hair tightly. “But we have an unspoken rule about bringing up any of your names during our meet ups.” Oikawa says nothing so Tsukishima adds: “You know Rintarou likes to mess with you. Don’t take his words too seriously.”
“It’s not that hard to imagine Ushijima and Bokuto’s friends bonding over their mutual hatred towards me.”
“Don't forget Bokuto's friends also dislike Ushijima.” Tsukishima says. “He really hit a nerve, huh? It’s not like you to take his teasing to heart. Specially if it’s about them.”
“Rough week.”
“I bet.” Tsukishima deadpans.
Oikawa bites his lip and hesitates. Now or never. “I’m coming back.”
It feels weird finally saying it to someone. It feels weird hearing his own words and understanding the meaning behind them. It’s weird that it all feels like a dream.
It’s not like Tsukishima is the first person he shares this with. His mom and sister obviously know. Iwaizumi obviously knows. His coach and teammates obviously know. Hinata even knows. Oikawa made sure to text his parents before forwarding that same message to Hinata and Iwaizumi the day he finalized things with his coach and came forward to tell the team.
The season was ending and Oikawa had unfinished business in Japan. In a few months he will be flying back home. In a few months Oikawa would no longer have distance as his biggest ally in this fight against fate.
“When?” Tsukishima’s voice is cold enough that he sounds detached and uncaring. It reminds Oikawa of how he used to be back when Tsukishima was a first year in high school. It reminds Oikawa of their first meeting and how Oikawa had picked on him on that practice match. Who would have thought that years later Tsukishima and he would be friends.
“By the end of the season.” In around five months.
“And what are you going to do?” Tsukishima doesn’t even have to specify what he is referring to since its obvious with the concern his voice carries.
Oikawa wishes he had the capacity to reassure him with a well thought answer but. “I don’t know.”
And that’s the truth. Tsukishima sighs but he lets the topic drop. Oikawa asks him about school and volleyball and Tsukishima shows interest in Oikawa’s improvements in the Argentinian league. He even tells Oikawa Suna was impressed with the amount of service ace Oikawa managed to get his last match.
Oikawa ends the call on a positive note, happy to know there are people out there that still care about him. That even though they don’t agree with what he is doing, they support him. With that in mind however, it doesn’t take long for Oikawa to fall back into that endless pit of overthinking.
How is it that everyone he knows doesn’t agree with him? If the whole world is against him... doesn’t that mean he is wrong? If that’s the case, why is Oikawa still too stubborn to change?
“Because you’re an idiot.” Iwaizumi tells him when Oikawa voices out that question to him the following day, on their regular weekend video call.
“Mean.” Oikawa mutters, head resting comfortably on his hand as he leans on the table. His laptop is pushed back so that when the food he ordered gets here he can eat while talking to Iwaizumi.
On the screen Oikawa can see Iwaizumi already eating. He is having a late lunch while Oikawa plans on having an early dinner due to the time zone difference. “It’s what it comes down to.” Iwaizumi says after another bite of his sandwich. “Unless of course you have an actual reason.”
Oikawa pouts. “You know my reason.” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “It’s a good reason.” Oikawa stresses.
“It was a good reason.” Iwaizumi retorts. “Like five years ago. And even then it was never a good enough reason to completely shut him out. Them.” He corrects though Oikawa thinks it’s more accurate to just say him. After all Ushijima is the only one he truly shut out.
“You have mayo on your face.” Oikawa says, leaning back to cross his arms and glare at his best friend. “Nothing has changed in these past few years, Iwa.”
“So you’ve seen other specialists?” Iwaizumi asks, putting his sandwich down to wipe his face with a napkin.
Oikawa shrugs and avoids meeting his eyes. “Whats the point? The last three I talked to basically told me the same thing.”
“No. The last three specialist gave you theories, all of which were different, but you chose to conclude they all meant the same shit.”
“Because they do!” Oikawa’s voice rises and Iwaizumi’s eyes narrow. They stare at each other and Oikawa knows Iwaizumi is close to snapping at him but thankfully the doorbell rings and Oikawa excuses himself for a second to grab his food.
He takes a little longer than necessary paying for his food and then looking for a plate and a fork even though he didn’t really need them. He also puts more water to boil for his mate and even waits it out. By the time he is back facing his laptop Iwaizumi is done his sandwich.
“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi starts, not wasting any time. “Please tell me that a part of you has at least thought of the possibility of you being wrong.”
“Of course.” Oikawa snarls. “Thats all I ever think about. How wrong everyone says I am just because I want to have a choice.”
“Don’t make this a war against fate.” Iwaizumi snaps. “You may have everyone else fooled but that wont work with me.”
“Yes of course. My dear best friend knows me so well.” Oikawa mocks as he roughly dumps his food on a plate before reaching for a fork and taking a bite of some broccoli. “He knows everything about me. He might as well just be me. Live my life, wont you?”
“Stop being a shit.” Iwaizumi scowls. “And stop trying to dismiss this conversation again.” Iwaizumi shifts and Oikawa tries to shove more food into his mouth as Iwaizumi settles on his chair, the tension on his shoulders now much more visible. “You are going back.”
“I know.”
“You are going to have to face them.”
“Actually. Thats not entirely true—“
“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi groans. “They are both professional athletes competing for the same stage as you. There is no running from this. It’s fate.”
Oikawa swallows down food as the the word fate echoes in his head. And as fate will have it, it’s then when that all too familiar pain stings his left hand. Out of habit, Oikawa drops his hand from the table and places it on his lap. That actions doesn’t go unnoticed by Iwaizumi.
His friend snorts before his eyes soften and he is giving Oikawa that look. That pitiful look Oikawa hates. “Practice?” He asks.
Oikawa shrugs, looking down at his plate before taking another forkful of food. He swallows before replying. “Probably a game. If it’s practice it builds up.” The pain that is.
“Right.” Iwaizumi says and Oikawa almost doesn’t hear him due to the sting coming again, this time forcing his hand to jolt slightly. “Tooru, this can’t go on like this.”
“What do you want me to do?” Oikawa asks, suddenly feeling tired. He looks up at the screen as he sets his fork down. Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything for a second but Oikawa can tell its probably because he is trying to find the right words to not hit a nerve or cause Oikawa to have a breakdown.
“Talk to them.” Iwaizumi states. “Tell them.”
“Iwa-chan. You know I can’t.” Oikawa sighs sadly. “If I do Ushijima wont leave me alone and Bokuto— I don’t even know. They both will probably just—“
“They’ll be with you.” Iwaizumi cuts him off. “They will understand and they will be by your side.”
“Yeah? For how long?”
“Tooru.”
“No, really. It’s a serious question. How long?” Oikawa snarls. “How long until they decided it’s not worth the trouble. How long until they realize I’m not worth the trouble?”
“You don’t know—“
“Or better yet!” Oikawa shouts, this time cutting off Iwaizumi. “How long until it tears me apart and I leave them? For good.”
“Tooru!” Iwaizumi shouts, his eyebrows folding in with clear evidence of anger. Oikawa leans back in his chair and protectively wraps his arms around his torso. “You are not you father!”
“Yet!”
“For fucks sake!” Iwaizumi growls. “We are not fucking doing this. Don’t joke like that!”
“It’s not—“
“Don’t be a shit! Just stop— we are not talking about this anymore.”
They drop the conversation. Oikawa eventually goes back to eating and Iwaizumi begins telling him about his latest work drama. When Oikawa finishes his food and he feels the conversation coming to an end he finally finds the courage to ask Iwaizumi about his soulmate.
Iwaizumi gives him a surprise look but nonetheless he offers a short update on Akaashi. Oikawa learns he will most likely take the job offer for that publishing company and that he is due to visit Iwaizumi sometime before the year ends. Oikawa tells Iwaizumi to pass along his well wishes before they both say their goodbyes and Oikawa ends the video call. By then the sting has his hand feeling numb while Iwaizumi’s words have his heart feeling heavy.
The sting eventually dies out by the end of the night but Iwaizumi’s words don’t leave him for the next few days. Which is why he finds himself asking his coach for some time off so he can do the proper exams and testings to see a new specialist by the end of the week.
The only difference between that appointment and the three other ones he has had previously is that this time the specialist says the same damn things but in English.
He texts Iwaizumi a copy of the results. He highlights the important part.
—the patient’s nerves are likely to continue to react to the bond in an uneven pattern. The intensity of the pain varies on factors we can’t account for—
Iwaizumi texts him back a different highlighted part.
—Organs and joints can be further studied if the other bond owners are subjected to testing. A higher chance of finding a pattern can also be possible with parallel testing between the bond owners—
Oikawa doesn’t reply which probably prompt Iwaizumi to forward those results to his mom and sister. That resulted in Oikawa having to hear the same lecture two times by the end of the week. Even so, he still refuses to reply to any of Iwaizumi’s texts. Which is why he shouldn’t be surprised when a week later he receives a call from Hinata.
Oikawa manages to avoid the topic for the first thirty minutes of the conversation but eventually Hinata finds a way to bring it up. He does so by telling Oikawa his plans for when he returns to Japan.
“Black Jackals, huh?” Oikawa tries to contain how deeply it affects him saying that name out loud. He prays Hinata doesn’t notice. “Any particular reason you are picking them?”
“They’re the best team holding try outs.” Hinata affirms and then without missing a beat, he adds; “Bokuto plays for them.”
“I know.” Oikawa admits without thinking and instantly regrets it.
“Have you talked to him?”
Oikawa folds in on himself. “You know I haven’t.”
“Are you going to?”
“Shouyou—”
“He wont hold it against you, you know?” Hinata says and something in his tone makes Oikawa go quiet. “If you explain things, he will hear you out. He’ll understand. You have nothing to fear.”
I’m not afraid. Oikawa is about to say but sometimes he finds his filter and stops himself from lying so frankly.
Because if there is one thing Oikawa is in regards to this whole soulmate thing, its definitely afraid. He has been afraid his whole life, or at least since he became aware of his bond—
No. Thats a lie. There was a time when Oikawa wasn’t afraid. There was a time when the random jolt of pain across his body caused other emotions other than fear. There was a time when Oikawa obsessed over the idea of soulmates because he couldn’t wait to meet his. He couldn’t wait to finally have someone meant for him— fated for him.
Before his father took his own life. Before they found his note. Before Oikawa knew his bond was a death sentence.
Without realizing it, Oikawa curls his hands tightly into fists. Eventually they shake due to the amount of force and Oikawa finds himself wondering if his soulmates can feel the pain.
He certainly can’t, at least not at the moment. Perfect timing. He thinks bitterly before he makes up an excuse to end the call with Hinata.
Hinata sounds disappointed but Oikawa doesn’t have much time to think about it, his mind is quickly zeroing on the missing feeling of pain and whenever that happens Oikawa always ends up doing something stupid.
He moves quickly across his apartment, making it to his washroom to pull out that well hidden box under the sink. From the box he pulls out a bottle and from the bottle he draws out two pills. Oikawa swallows them dry and goes back to his room to wait for them to take affect. It takes a few minutes for Oikawa to slow down his heart beat. A few minutes after he accomplishes that, he pulls off his shirt and gets in bed with the shorts he has on.
He falls asleep thinking about his father.
He wakes up feeling breathless.
Fuck. He thinks, rushing to the washroom to run some water over his head. The feeling in his chest shifts to one of immense pressure. From past experience Oikawa can only assume it’s a pain associated with failure. Or more like with disappointment. Perfect timing. Oikawa thinks and the pressure manages to force some tears to form in his eyes.
I wont cry. Oikawa tells himself but it’s all futile. He ends up crying because there is no other way he can react to that pressure. There is no other way it will go away. “Fuck.” This time he curses out loud. His hand reaching to hold his chest while the other adjusts the water to make it colder. “Fuck!”
‘You are not your father.’ Iwaizumi had said but if Oikawa recalls correctly, this is exactly how his father used to be.
How long until it tears me apart?
The questions floats in his head as the pressure finally begins to subside. It’s then that Oikawa comes to realize that perhaps he was wrong all this time. Perhaps even from a distance— even away from his soulmates, he will meet his fated end.