Chapter Text
The warm summer’s breeze rustled Yugi’s spikey tri-colored hair as he yanked the door open. He was going to leave his grandfather’s disgusting shop. For once, fate was on his side, and his eighteenth birthday was on a Saturday where he didn’t have school. He looked down at his Millennium Puzzle which hosted his best friend and occasional adversary. Yes, they’d learned his real name, and yes he was supposed to go to the afterlife, but they decided to just run away from their problems and go back to the status quo. Téa had no complaints on the matter. Neither did Joey or Tristan. Even “Yami” was okay with it.
But his plans were halted when a meaty hand grabbed his wrist. Yugi cringed, fighting a strong feeling of nausea. Grandpa.
“YUUUUUUUUGI! Where do you think you are going?” He roared. Stinky, putrid breath suffocated Yugi, and he struggled to breathe. Yami...help…
There was no response from the former pharoah.
Bastard.
“I’m going out to celebrate my birthday,” Yugi said through gritted teeth. He clenched his jaw, hoping that his answer would make his grandpa release his sweaty death-grip on his wrist.
“Oh, splendid!” His grandpa cheered. “Where are we going, grandson?”
“Grandpa...don’t you have to run the game shop?”
Solomon flipped the open sign to closed. “Not anymore, Yugi! I am so excited. I forgot it was your birthday. How old are you again? Thirteen?”
“No, damnit! I’m an adult now. A real legal adult! And to celebrate I’m getting my favorite food with my friends.” And then we’re going to get trashed at the male strip club. Yami chuckled from inside the puzzle. Yugi blushed.
You’re a slut, Yugi.
“I know.” Yugi said.
“What?” Grandpappi asked.
“NO, Grandpa! You’re not invited! I tried to be polite, but you just can’t take the damn hint! Go back to your day job! We’re in debt as it is.”
Solomon grabbed his other wrist in response and pinned him against the glass door.
“YUUUUUUUGI! Your grandpa has no social life because of you, and anyway your friends like me! I hung out with them in the duel city in Domino while you were off making love to your imaginary boyfriend.”
“Grandpa, it was called Battle City.”
That’s what you choose to correct?
“Anyway, I am coming with you. Does it matter that you are turning thirteen? No. I tried to nurse you when you were a baby, Yugi. You teethed my nipples very hard. It may not have worked well, but you will be prepubescent forever.”
“Yeah, Grandpa, my doctor thinks it’s because of malnutrition, that’s why I’d rather—”
Grandpa Mutou grabbed his grandson by the ear and dragged him out of the shop.
Yami? Hello?
This seems like a family matter…
Fuck you, Pharaoh! You’re not getting anything later!
I don’t like burgers.
That’s not what I….whatever.
Soon they arrived at the Burger World. Yugi’s ear was bleeding, drenched in his grandpappi’s sweat, and now there was a blood stain on his white shirt which he was wearing under his uniform jacket.
“Yugi, ” Joey scolded. “Why are you wearing your school uniform? It’s Saturday.”
Yugi blushed. “I...My three other outfits got thrown away by somebody who will remain nameless.”
“Oh, quit being dramatic, grandson. You wet your baby starlight pajamas last night.”
“Grandpa! I didn’t wet my pajamas!” Yugi shrieked. “You spilled your hot toddy all over me in the middle of the night! Why were you in my room?”
“I want to be the mind crush pharoah! I want the Millenium Puzzle powers for my own needs! I’m the one who found it, Yugi!”
I don’t want to be around that man’s greasy neck all day, Yugi…
“Fuck off, Grandpa! Either order some food or leave us alone.” Yugi grasped his puzzle protectively.
Yugi’s friends stared uncomfortably. They knew this day was going to be a disaster when they saw his grandpa waddling across the street.
Suddenly, Grandpappi gasped in excitement.
“YUUUUUUUUUGI! They have the shamrock shaaaaaake!!” he shrieked in joy.
“Damnit, Grandpa! It’s June! Why would they have—” He stood corrected as he looked at the sign.
Oh, Ra….he’s right, They do have those shamrock shakes, Yugi! You know what that means….
Oh no. He’s going to turn on Luck of the Irish the second we get home! I can’t deal with this, Yami! I want more lap dances. Not stupid Kyle and Seamus dueling over a stupid necklace.
Yugi, I don’t understand—how are Kyle and Seamus any different from us?
Shut up, Yami! I just don’t want to watch this movie for the 30th time this month with my fatass Grandfather!
Don’t you mean Grandah?
“Fuck off!” Yugi screamed aloud. Tristan started to cry.
“But, Yugi….I just wanted to know if you also wanted a shamrock shake.”
“NO!” Yugi cried. “NO, I do not want that….that…..stupid shake abonimation! We’re supposed to be Japanese or maybe American….why the fuck are they serving shamrock shakes in JUNE?”
“Okay, two shamrock shakes and I’ll get you your happy meal.” Grandpa nodded.
“What the... Grandpa! I didn’t say I wanted a stupid happy meal! Are you kidding me!”
But, it was too late for little Yugi. Grandpa was already waddling away like an obese penguin. His friends were silent, knowing exactly as to what was going to happen.
“Erm…” Tristan mumbled. “Happy Birthday, Yuge.”
Drops of grease were coming from his disgusting beard. The cashier had to leave immediately by the monstrosity that was waddling before him.
“Grandpa, wait!” Yugi shouted, running towards the cashier with his short legs. “Please, please order me the usual! ”
“Okay, my little grandson,” the sweaty Solomon smiled, patting his hair. “I’ll order you the usual, for the strong, growing thirteen year old boy.”
“Grandpa! I’m eighteen! ”
“Do you want your damn meal or not?”
“Ugh... fine! ” Yugi stormed off back towards his friends. He slumped into the booth, groaning. “My Grandpa ruins everything!”
“Don’t worry, Yuge!” Tristan smiled obnoxiously. “You’re getting your usual meal now! What is it anyway?”
“A double Quarter Pounder with cheese and an extra large Diet Coke to reduce calories.”
“Yugi…” Joey cut in. “If that’s your usual...how are you still puny?”
Yugi growled. “Because usually someone drags me away before I can even eat two bites of it! I want to eat my damn burger this time!”
Yugi...I only dragged you away that one time! I thought I saw a card on the floor.
Yami….that was a napkin, and usually it’s my grandpa. I wasn’t even talking about you. Just shut up. Stay in your fucking puzzle.
Oh, is that how it is now? I surrender my life and hopes of finally moving on to be with my loved ones from my past life to become your pet spirit for all eternity and this is how you treat me? Okay, Yugi. I’ll stay inside my ‘fucking puzzle’. Be ready to die.
Die?
There was no answer. Yugi frowned. This cannot be good. He awkwardly twiddled his thumbs, waiting for his burger. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so harsh on the pharaoh. After all, he had saved his life multiple times, not to mention the lives of his loved ones. And also, he was an all-powerful spirit. Pissing him off in general couldn’t be a good idea. He had a very high body count. And not the kind of a sexual nature.
“Did you guys get me any birthday gifts or what?”
“Oh, yeah!” Tristan slapped Yugi in the face with a present. “Happy Birthday baby boy!”
Yugi ignored him and anxiously tore off the present before him. It was a pack of none other than socks. Fucking socks. Not to mention the fact that they were toddler-sized. Even Yugi’s little feet were too big for these.
“SOCKS?! What the hell, Tristan! What kind of birthday gift is this?”
“Well, the male strip club fired me after they discovered I was underage, so I’ve been short on cash…” he trailed off, laughing uncomfortably.
“Who cares? It’s my eighteenth birthday!”
Joey grasped Tristan’s hand. “Yuge, you’re gonna hurt his feelings,” he paused. “Here, Yuge. I got this for ya. Hope it’s the right size!”
Yugi opened his gift with excitement. However, his dreams of the perfect gift were dashed away. He pulled out a onesie from the bag. It was a toddler onesie. The life was drained out of Yugi’s eyes. How could this birthday get worse?
“OHHHHH YUUUUUUUUUUUGI!”
Yugi couldn’t pull the strength to turn around to see what his horrible grandpa was up to. The sound of his grandpa’s shoes squeaking on the floor due to the grease tracks he left on the floor filled the entire room. Everyone in the restaurant turned and looked at this obese, sweating man with disgust, as he rushed towards Yugi’s table. “Look at what I brought you!”
“Oh, you’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me... GRANDPA! That’s a happy meal!”
“Yes it is, Grandson!” Grandpappi glowered down at Yugi. “But you don’t look very happy. ”
“I wanted real food this time, Stupid Grandpa! Why does everyone here suck?”
His friends uncomfortably glanced towards the seething Yugi. “Um, Yugi…” Joey awkwardly asked, “why don’t you relax…”
“Téa! What did you get me for my birthday?”
“Oh? Here, Yugi! I hope you, ah, enjoy it! It’s not clothing, this time…”
“This better be good…” Yugi grumbled, tearing up the wrapping paper. Inside of the box was a blue baby rattle.
“What the fuck! Téa, are you serious?”
“I thought you would like to rattle this at night for when you wet your baby starlight pajamas….”
“Fuck you, Téa! This is the worst birthday ever!”
“Your grandpa told me you wanted it...I thought maybe it was an inside joke…”
“Dammit, Grandpappi! Did you tell all of my friends to buy baby items for my birthday?”
“Of course! Anything for my grandson! Now, let’s eat!” he munched on his double triple Quarter Pounder with cheese, and slurped his very own, extra large shamrock shake.
Yugi picked at his happy meal. His friends looked down at their laps. The disgusting sounds of his grandpa’s chewing was off-putting to say the least. He sounded like an elderly goat. Why? Why did his grandpa have to ruin what could be his last birthday to spend with all of his friends? Supposedly, Téa would be in America next year, and who knows where Tristan and Joey would be. Jail, probably! He just wanted one pleasant birthday. Why did his grandpa have to ruin each one more and more with every passing year?
Solomon, through chomps, said, “Yuuuugi, are you enjoying your prize?” He sounded like an elderly goat chewing a tin can. Yugi wanted to kick him in the shins so badly, but he knew they wouldn’t be able to afford another hospital bill.
Instead, he bit out a, “Sure.” He breathed in dangerously deep. Think of the ocean, he told himself. “Are you all enjoying your meals?” He remembered that he was supposed to actually care about these people.
Joey was making a tower out of his french fries, and Tristan was eating without using his hands. Téa was just looking at her food.
“Yuuuuugi,” Grandpa said, spitting some of his burger onto Yugi’s face. He wiped his sweat from his forehead, flicking the sweat onto the table. Yugi’s friends grimaced. “After we eat, I need you to close and clean the Game Shop tonight…”
“What! Grandpa, you closed the Game Shop early so you could ruin my birthday dinner! I’m not cleaning your damn Game Shop, I’m going to the strip club!”
Grandpa gasped. “The strip club? Yugi, my grandson, this is nothing like you!”
“Grandpa, do you pay any attention at all? I go there every weekend! But the difference is that now I can use my real ID. I won’t, of course, because the bouncer knows my face now and probably will be mad, but…” He realized he was incriminating himself.
“Gross, Yugi! I thought you were better than that! Sexualizing women in that way.” Téa scolded.
“The male strip club, Téa.” Yugi grumbled.
“Ohhhh! Why don’t you ever bring me, then?”
Yugi hissed at the entire table. He shoveled down the rest of his meal and ran out of the restaurant. He was done with his birthday. He was going to run away.