Work Text:
Rise browsed through several different racks of clothes in search of a perfect outfit to wear for the fireworks festival. She settled on a yellow yukata with bright sakura blossoms dotted across it.
“Senpai! Isn’t this one awesome? What do you think?” She smiled wide as she brought her outfit choice to Yu for his approval. Yu was silent and Rise continued to try and grab his attention. “ Senpaiiiii .”
Yu was staring at a different yukata that was covered in flowers, each with its own unique striking color.
“Hey?” Rise waved her hand in front of Yu’s eyes. “Earth to space cadet?”
“Hm?”
She lifted up the one she chose. “This one’s perfect, right? What do you think?”
He smiled. “Yeah. Perfect.”
“Thanks! I think yellow really suits me, but it also has that Risette touch, y’know?”
Yu nodded, eyes focusing back on the clothes in the rack in front of him. “Yeah.”
“Do you like that one? I know you said you already had one you could wear, but this would look really good on you, senpai!”
“It would?” He turned to Rise now, unsure if she was being serious. “I think it would probably look better on a girl.”
“Oh, no way! Senpai, I thought you were a city boy! I know you don’t see guys around Inaba doing it, but boys wear girls’ fashion all the time!”
“But I’m not a—-” He stopped himself. “I already have one I’m wearing, so it’s not a big deal.”
She frowned. “If you say so.”
“Anyway, the one you picked is nice. I think you’ll look great in it.” Yu was able to muster up a smile, hoping that would make Rise drop the subject.
“Thanks.”
Yu put his arm out and Rise handed him the yukata she picked. They went to the register together to pay for it before leaving the store. Rise ended up talking about something else on the way home, and Yu did his best to focus on their conversation rather than the other things that were going through his head.
x x x x x
On the way to school the next day, Yu ran into Kanji.
“Yo!” Kanji shoved into Yu playfully as they walked along the sidewalk.
“‘Sup?” Yu shoved back.
“Not much. Same as always.”
Yu nodded, “Me too.”
“How was shopping with Rise yesterday? Sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“That’s okay. It was fine.”
Yu stared down at his shoes as he walked towards the Yasogami High school gates. There was a tightness in his chest, and a mixture of words and thoughts tangling around each other in his head. He didn’t know how to make sense of what was going on in his mind lately. He had been feeling on edge all the time. It was like he was constantly holding his breath for no reason.
“Senpai? You alright?” Kanji’s voice broke Yu out of his own thoughts.
“I—”
No. No, I’m not alright. I feel like I’m going to implode any second and I don’t know who to talk to or what to say and I feel weird and it’s not like I feel “wrong” just nothing feels quite “right” and how is that supposed to make sense to anybody? I don’t want to explain who I am to everyone all the time because I don’t even know how to explain it to myself.
Yu stopped short and sighed deeply. He barely knew how to confront it himself, let alone tell a friend what was going on.
Kanji stopped as well and turned to look at Yu. “Come on, man, what is it?”
“Kanji… can I ask you something?”
“Sure, yeah, anything.”
Yu glanced around to see if anyone would be able to eavesdrop on their conversation. The coast seemed clear. “Have you ever wanted to wear women’s clothes?”
Yu’s voice was quiet, but there was no shame behind it. Just genuine curiosity.
“What do you mean? Like dresses and heels and shit?”
“Yeah.”
“Sometimes, I guess. But I wouldn’t want to all the time. I like the clothes I wear now.”
“I see…”
“Why? Do you want to?”
Yu just shrugged and kept walking forward. “I don’t really know. It’s just been on my mind a little, but I think I’m just overthinking things.”
“You think?” Kanji walked forward again as well. “If you’re questioning your gender or something, that’s okay.”
It was refreshing to hear someone say something like that so casually. Yu was tired of talking in circles around everything, even to himself. He was questioning his gender and needed to talk to someone about it.
“Thanks. I… Yeah, I have been.”
“I get it. It’s okay. Naoto and I have talked about this stuff before. But, honestly, I don’t know exactly how it all feels for him. I’ve read about it and we talk about things, but I don’t experience what he does. But maybe you’ll be able to relate his feelings more?”
“Maybe.”
“If you’re cool with it, we could all get lunch together and help you figure stuff out. He won’t have all the answers, but at least you can talk it through. He’s told me before that everyone’s different, and there’s no one way to be trans.”
“Kanji, I… I don’t think I’m transgender…”
“That’s okay. Maybe you’re not. But, if you want to talk to someone about anything, I’m here for you. Naoto would be, too.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Probably.”
Kanji smiled and Yu tried to do the same. “Anyway, I won’t keep bugging you about it. We should hurry up before we’re late.”
The pair sped up to make it to school in time.
x x x x x
By the time lunch rolled around, Yu was feeling nervous about going to Naoto to talk about his feelings. What if he said something wrong? What if he really was making a big deal out of nothing?
He hoped it would at least feel good to let everything out.
Yu gathered his belongings to head out of the classroom. Just as he stood up from his seat, Yosuke stopped him.
“Hey, man. You going somewhere?”
“Um, yeah.” He slung his bag over his shoulder. “I’m gonna have lunch with Kanji and Naoto.”
“Oh, cool.” Yosuke mirrored Yu in picking up his bag. “I’ll join you.”
“No!”
Yosuke took a step back. “No?”
“Er— I just mean, we’re talking about something kind of… private.”
“Oh. Okay.” Yosuke sat back down. “That’s cool. No big deal.”
Yu mumbled an apology and left Yosuke with Chie and Yukiko for the lunch period.
x x x x x
Naoto was waiting with Kanji behind the school when they met up with Yu. At first, the three of them didn’t start talking about anything other than school and classes. Yu felt a comfort and familiarity sitting with them, laughing and joking about nothing in particular. He didn’t want to ruin the good mood with his inner turmoil.
“So.” Naoto said, completely prepared to ruin the good mood. “Kanji was telling me you need to talk to me about something?”
“Yeah.” Yu shrank and looked down at the instant noodles he was eating. “I guess so.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Well…” He shoved the noodles around with his chopsticks as he spoke. “I’ve been thinking about some things… And maybe it’s all in my head, but… I…” Yu managed to look up from his lunch and see Naoto looking back at him, patient and attentive. He took a deep breath in, and said as he exhaled, “I think I’m trans. Maybe.”
“I see.” Naoto sat up straighter. “You’re maybe trans?”
“Or something. I don’t know.”
Kanji leaned forward and put a hand on Yu’s knee in reassurance. “There’s no need to put a label on it or anything right now.”
“Of course not.” Naoto agreed. “Just do what makes you comfortable. What’s been making you question it?”
He shrugged. “I don’t feel like a guy. Not always, anyway. Sometimes when I see clothes that guys don’t wear, I think it would feel good to wear something like that. Rise called me a boy yesterday and it felt weird. It didn’t sound right to think of myself as that.”
“I see.” Naoto repeated as he nodded.
Yu looked at Naoto. “I know your experience has been a lot different, though. You seem so sure of yourself all the time. And I just don’t feel that way at all.”
“I’m not as sure of myself as I come across, I suppose. It took me a long time to realize who I am, and even then, I question myself often.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“It’s alright. I only want to make sure you know that you’re not alone in your feelings.”
“Thanks.”
Naoto smiled and observed Yu for a moment before speaking. “Do you want us to try out different pronouns and see how that makes you feel?”
Yu nodded tentatively. “Yeah.”
Kanji set down his own food and turned to face Naoto. “Hey, Naoto.”
“Hello, Kanji.”
“Have you seen Yu-senpai today? How’s she doing?”
Yu smiled.
“Yes, I saw her this morning. She’s doing well.”
“That’s awesome. She’s a pretty cool chick.”
Naoto turned to Yu. “Good so far?”
“Yeah. I… It doesn’t feel completely right, but it does feel good.”
“Right on.” Kanji smiled. “You want us to keep using it for now?”
“It doesn’t need to be permanent, either.” Naoto informed her. “Let us know when you want us to stop or try something different.”
Yu nodded. “I want to try this out for now at least.”
“Duly noted.”
Their lunch period drew to a close and the three of them shared their goodbyes before heading back to their respective classrooms.
x x x x x
Once classes ended, Rise stopped by Yu’s classroom to chat with everyone. They all got to talking about the fireworks festival and Rise asked what clothes everyone bought for the occasion.
“Chie-senpai! Yukiko-senpai! You haven’t bought your yukatas yet?”
Chie shrugged. “Nope. I wasn’t gonna get a new one, anyway. Why can’t I wear the same one from last year?”
“ BECAUSE! This is going to be our first fireworks festival as friends! It needs to be special. You can’t just wear your old clothes.”
Yukiko turned to Chie and smiled. “Oh, you can borrow one of my yukatas, Chie. I have plenty.”
“Thanks, Yukiko!”
“No!” Rise pouted. “No hand-me-downs, either! Listen, the three of us are gonna have a girls’ night tonight! We’ll get our hair done, and our nails done, and we’re getting you both something new to wear!”
Yosuke interjected. “Hey, uh, I don’t have anything to wear yet. Can I come?”
“Sorry. Girls only. No boys allowed.”
Yosuke groaned. “Fine, whatever.”
x x x x x
Yu was silent during the conversation with Rise after school, but she felt like she should’ve spoken up. Even after Rise told Yosuke “no boys allowed,” she could’ve asked if that included her, too. It might’ve been awkward, but at least then she wouldn’t have been agonizing over things she could’ve said.
She was lying on her bed, pondering over and replaying the conversation in her mind when her phone rang.
INCOMING CALL: Rise✰Kujikawa
She answered. “Hey, Rise.”
“Hi, Senpai. I wanted to ask you something earlier, but I didn’t know if it was something I could ask in front of everyone…”
“What is it?”
“Um.” She sounded nervous.
Yu clutched her phone tightly and brought it closer to her ear. “Yeah?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to come with Chie, Yukiko, and me for our girls’ night out.”
“Oh.”
“If you wanted! You don’t have to, but you’re welcome to.”
She sighed softly. “Thank you. But, um, didn’t you say no boys allowed?”
“Well… I just… You seemed upset when I called you a boy yesterday. And you don’t have to tell me if you were upset by it or anything, I just thought I’d invite you to the girls’ night.”
“Thanks, Rise. Actually I should probably tell you… I think I am a girl.”
“Senpai…”
She felt her heart drop, but kept saying things to cover up any silence or awkwardness that she anticipated would come. “I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to figure stuff out. I talked to Naoto and Kanji today and they were using different pronouns for me and it felt nice. Refreshing, sort of. So, I thought it would be good to try it out with them for now. But, now that you know, maybe you could use them, too?”
Rise laughed brightly. “Of course, senpai! I’d be happy to.”
“Great.” She laughed as well.
“So is that all who knows? Naoto, Kanji, and me?”
“Yeah. Right now, anyway. I think I’ll be able to tell Yukiko and Chie tonight, though.”
“Okay! I’m sure they’ll both be supportive!”
“I think so, too.”
“Good luck, senpai. I’m in your corner.”
x x x x x
“Yukiko! How’s this one look?” Chie held up a bright green yukata with white flowers. “I think I’ll get this one!”
“Oh, Chie, that one is gorgeous.” Yukiko smiled as she lifted up her own choice, the same design as Chie’s, but red instead of green. “What do you think about this one?”
“That’s perfect!”
They both laughed together until Rise and Yu walked up to them. Yu was carrying her own yukata. “Hey.”
“You gettin’ that one?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I passed up on it yesterday, but I think I’ll get it now.”
“Great!” Chie beamed. “You’ll look awesome in it!”
“So, we’ve all made our decisions, right? We can’t be late for our hair appointments… They already had to squeeze us in at the last minute, so I don’t want them to have to wait on us!”
Chie did a mock salute. “Aye, aye, cap’n!”
They quickly paid for their clothes and rushed to the salon.
x x x x x
Two of the hairdressers started working on Rise and Chie, and left Yu and Yukiko alone in the waiting area.
Yu was silent and stared off into space as Yukiko scooted her seat closer. “So.”
“Hm?” She turned to Yukiko. “Did you say something?”
“Not yet. I was just going to ask how you’re feeling. About all this.”
“I feel good. Sort of. I guess.”
She nodded. “I understand if you’re overwhelmed. I imagine it’s a lot to process.”
“Yeah. It is.”
She glanced over at Chie and Rise. Chie didn’t seem to care much at all about what was going to happen to her hair. She was much more interested in complaining about the kung fu movie that played last night.The stylist was mostly trimming a few ends here and there as she nodded along to Chie’s tirade.
Meanwhile, Rise was very invested in what the outcome of her own haircut would be. She made several suggestions on what style the hairdresser could do, not even finishing describing one style before a new and more exciting idea came to her.
Yu sighed. “I don’t know if all of this is really for me... ”
Yukiko hummed to herself as she flipped through a magazine. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“Shouldn’t it be easy, though? To figure out? I’ve seen people say things like they’ve known who they are their whole life.”
“Well,” Yukiko put down the magazine and looked at Yu. “I don’t think anyone can really know for sure.”
“Yeah. You’re right. Probably not.”
“So, who else knows? About...” She trailed off, but Yu knew what she was getting at.
“Just you three, Kanji, and Naoto.”
“Not Yosuke?”
“No. Not Yosuke.”
She nodded. “There’s no rush.”
“I know. I’ll tell him eventually, I just have no idea how he’ll react and I don’t know if he’ll understand it in the first place. How do I even explain it to him?”
Yukiko frowned. “Yosuke cares about you.”
“Yeah. But my uncle cares about me and I don’t think I could ever tell him.”
“Right…” She sighed. “I understand.”
“I think Nanako would understand. Probably even better than I can, actually. But I couldn’t ask her to keep something like this from her dad.”
“That’s true…” She pouted. “Well! If we can be sure of anything, at least we know Teddie will support you!”
Yu laughed. “Yeah, Teddie definitely will.”
Wordlessly, Yukiko turned her attention back to her magazine and stretched her hand out for Yu to take. She did.
x x x x x
The next day, Yu called Yosuke and asked him if they could meet up at Junes before the fireworks festival that night. Yosuke agreed to do so after his shift ended. Yu waited anxiously at the food court for Yosuke, and tried to focus on their book in the meantime.
After their talk with Yukiko, they decided to do some research online and see if anyone else had ever felt the way they were feeling now.
It was an immense relief to read blog posts from people who seemed to be able to put all of Yu’s thoughts and feelings into words. They saw people expressing that they felt their gender fell somewhere in between man and woman. Some people said they felt their gender didn’t align with either end of the binary. Others said it would change for them from day to day.
Yu immediately called Naoto and asked him to try out they/them pronouns for a while to see how it felt. It felt new and different, but it felt comfortable.
Now, Yu had decided to tell Yosuke what was going on.
“Hey, I’m here!” Yosuke arrived and sat down across from Yu. “Sorry for making you wait so long. That rush was crazy!”
“Hey.”
“You okay? What did you wanna talk about?”
Yu refused to look at Yosuke. “It’s kind of… hard to talk about.”
“Oh, really?”
Yu nodded and Yosuke’s demeanor grew more serious. “Hey… you can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
They nodded again and readied themselves before they spoke. “I’m not… a guy…”
“Huh?”
They took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “I’m not a guy. I’m not really a girl either, but I’m not a guy. If that makes sense.” Yu glanced up at Yosuke’s stunned expression. “I know this is gonna be hard to explain, and it’ll be hard to understand, but you’re the only one I haven’t even mentioned this to. I want to tell you, though, because you’re my best friend.”
“You’re my best friend, too.” He smiled. “I was wondering why you had that.” Yosuke gestured towards the braided hair extension Yu had in their hair.
“Oh. Yeah.” They laughed as they touched it. “I forgot about that. Rise took me to a salon yesterday, and this is what we decided to do.”
“Cool.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah, it’s awesome. It looks great on you.” Yosuke smiled again.
x x x x x
That night, Yu changed into their yukata and walked downstairs to leave for the fireworks festival.
“Big bro!” Nanako cheered excitedly as she rushed towards Yu.
“Hey there!” They smiled.
“Your yukata is so pretty! There’s so many colors!”
“Yeah! It’s got ‘em all!”
She giggled. “Where are you going?”
“My friends and I are going to watch the fireworks. Do you want to come?”
Nanako gasped dramatically and immediately smiled. “I’d love to!”
“Alright, then. Come on. Let’s go.”
Yu took Nanako’s hand in theirs and the two left to go meet up with the others.
x x x x x
“Senpai!” Rise squealed. “You look amazing!” She turned to Kanji. “Don’t they look amazing?”
“Yeah!” He shouted. “They’re rocking it.”
Naoto nodded in agreement. “Those colors work well together.”
“Thanks guys.” Yu smiled. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Oh, Teddie made Yosuke and the others take him to the food stalls for something to eat.”
“Ooh! Big bro! Can we get some taiyaki?”
Yu nodded and they navigated through the crowd to find a stall selling taiyaki. They ran into Yosuke and the others on the way, and they all exchanged pleasantries and complimented each other on how good everyone looked.
“Hey? Yu?” Yosuke tugged on Yu’s arm to get their attention. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure.”
Yu and Yosuke moved slightly out of earshot from everyone else. They saw Yosuke holding onto something tightly, but they couldn’t tell what it was.
“I just wanted to tell you that um… I appreciate you telling me what you did, earlier. I think it was really brave of you and I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you, Yosuke.” Yu smiled, touched.
“And, uh, anyway. I also want you to know that I support you and I hope I’m able to support you in the way you need to be supported, you know?”
“Yeah. I know.”
“So. Um. I got you this.”
Yosuke handed Yu a small bottle of glittery silver nail polish. “Oh…”
“I don’t know if that’s a good color or not. Or if you even wanna wear something like that, but I saw it and it matches your hair. So… I think it would look cool on you.”
Yu gripped onto the tiny bottle and brought it close against their chest. “Thank you.” Yu hugged Yosuke tightly. “I love it.”
“No problem, partner.” Yosuke laughed happily as he hugged them back.