Chapter Text
Gordon should never have become a leviathan.
Among the many changes and hardships he’s had to endure over the decades, that statement always proved true. It was a universal constant. And the only clear, complete thought he had those first couple days.
Scratching at the cold stone floor (he never thought he’d miss sand of all things), curled up under the weight of his tail, Gordon just felt… empty. It wasn’t like there was any point in feeling anything else - he’d already exhausted all the other possible emotions he could feel ten times over. First fear, then rage, then suffocating grief, and now, nothing. He racked his brain for answers, for some semblance of a plan, but he was still reeling from whatever god awful noise they kept beaming into the water.
Gordon tried to even his breath, focus on anything else that might help him clear his thoughts. It proved difficult considering there wasn’t much else to do in this god-awful hellscape. The water was too still and goddamn freezing, the floor and walls too rough and claustrophobic, the background noise somehow too quiet and too loud at the same time with all the beeping and- and the fucking lights - who the fuck needed that much light anyway-
Gordon shut his eyes as tight as possible. Nope, no, not gonna start that again .
Bad idea. Forcing himself not to focus on his suffering meant listening to himself think. Which, funnily enough, was a very bad thing when the wrinkly fucker in his skull kept spitting out thoughts laced with venom like you’re pathetic, can’t even deal with a shitty fucking time in a shitty fucking prison and why aren’t you more concerned about your son and dear god what are they doing to him and you’ve failed every single person who has ever cared about you and you’re a failure of a leviathan.
Which would be fine if that last thought didn’t also force him to remember why.
-----
Gordon didn’t remember much about his original school, other than the fact that they lived in the shallows, specifically a coral reef. And the constant anxiety. Which was fine by him, considering.
Gordon had loved exploring the reef, mostly because he could study the plants and fish and crustaceans, learning as much as he could about his surroundings.
It was a great reprieve from the tension he felt from the rest of the school, from encroaching schools and humans threatening their safety. Gordon couldn’t remember, but for some reason most sirens were fleeing to the depths. Some schools stayed out of pure stubbornness, and as the uninvaded territory sirens could inhabit in the shallows dwindled, competition for resources and land skyrocketed. It quickly became necessary for leviathans to protect their school from other schools in order to survive.
Their leviathan was essentially working double duty since their other leviathan passed away, acting as the primary defender of a relatively large school. Which ended up being a full-time job for her, stressing her to the point of deteriorating her physical health. She was dead-set on staying in the reef, however, and so they stayed. They desperately needed another leviathan, and the school began furious debates on which of the new broods it should be.
Gordon wasn’t a popular choice, and frankly, he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He enjoyed relative peace while the rest of the kids stressed and trained.
All in all, it wasn’t the best childhood, but it was passable. It was possible for a younger Gordon to pretend that everything was okay, and just race through the reef with the rest of his age group.
That is, up until all of his brood-mates died.
Gordon couldn’t decide which was worse; the fact that he couldn’t remember most of what happened that day or the memories he was somehow able to keep.
He remembered the commotion, the wail of grief-stricken parents, the sinking sensation in his stomach when he realized what had happened, why his friends were lying so still, why their necks looked so weird. He never found out what happened, all he knew was that they strayed too far from the reef. Gordon suspected humans, but he could’ve been wrong. He’d been wrong about a lot of things back then.
The incident left the school with an extraordinarily stressed leviathan, a group of devastated parents and family exhausted from grief and strife, and no competent successor for the leviathan in sight.
So of course it was left up to him.
Gordon’s lighthearted, curious adventures were suddenly replaced with agonizingly long training sessions and long lessons drilling him on his new responsibilities. One member of the school constantly hovered over him, correcting his work or pulling him away from playtime to train. To say that it was nerve wracking would be an understatement. Not to mention that he was still a fucking child, having responsibility like that shoved directly on his shoulders, being expected to grow up much faster than he was prepared for, while also dealing with grief. Yeah. It was fucked. Gordon felt entitled to hold grudges over that.
What stung the most was the feeling of inadequacy that was beamed into his skull every moment of every day. It wasn’t just that they were forced to choose a leviathan far too early, he was also the least popular choice. But, no one else was able or willing to take it on, so woop-de-fucking-do.
Gordon could practically feel the disappointment through the saltwater as he listened to their potion expert recite a spell from memory into a carved-out section in the coral. He sounded more like a bored teenager reading shitty poetry rather than an expert performing a critical spell for the future of their school. It’s not like there were any better options, he seemed to say.
And, what do you know? They were right to have low expectations.
-----
It was Gordon’s fault, really.
He’d snuck away from the rest of the group, trying to shirk his responsibilities as usual. Gordon was adolescent by then; in hindsight it should have been no surprise that he would start rebelling a little. Didn’t matter though, it was still his fault.
Gordon saw the black, foreboding shapes of ships anchored not far from the reef. Saw the black human-sized shapes emerging from it. Saw them rocketing towards the school at unnatural speeds.
He saw them. And he swam away.
Oh god oh fuck oh fuck. He swam to the school. The humans were already there.
Their leviathan (their real leviathan) looked torn to shit. Gashes all over her body creating a haze of dark red around her as she blindly swiped and thrashed. He forced himself not to look at the limp bodies behind her, mers floating to the surface while heavy human bodies drifted to the sandy floor. He caught a shockingly red piece of fabric on one of their heads. Part of their suit must have come off, he would realize later.
The humans surrounded the leviathan, the material covering their faces making them look cold and soulless, holding spears and sharp nets. She caught him out of the corner of her eye, frozen and terrified and cowardly, and screamed at him to go.
And he listened. Didn’t hesitate. Didn’t stop to help.
Gordon swam as far as he felt comfortable straying from the reef. It could’ve been minutes, it could have been hours, but he finally found a shallow cave hidden among some rocks.
Leaning against the wall of the makeshift cave, breathing a laboured sigh of relief, Gordon suddenly felt a flood of indistinguishable emotions pour over him.
Some leviathan you turned out to be.
He curled in on himself and cried.
-----
Gordon jolted awake to the sound of a pained yelp.
“AUGH- FUCK-”
He bolted upright, eyes darting around for the source of danger. Oh god I need to defend myself they found me oh f-
Seeing only the still cave, Gordon sat confused for a moment, wondering where the sound had come from. He flinched as he heard the voice again, this time from out of the cave.
“Jesus fffff- okay, okay, just gotta- ugh-”
Gordon slowly peeked his head out of the cave, very careful not to make his presence known.
Luckily, the source of the noise was making themselves pretty obvious.
He saw another siren (he relaxed a little- at least the humans hadn’t tracked him down), a bit too close to the entrance of the cave for comfort, struggling to push a large boulder that was crushing their tail. Gordon barely repressed a wince of sympathy. Their position didn’t look that comfortable either - their tail had to be twisted or bent awkwardly in order for them to properly grip the boulder. From a healthy distance, they didn’t look all that intimidating - the spots running down her tail were intriguing, sure, but not uncommon. Long brown hair, pale skin, most definitely aggravated.
They were also wearing a brown bit of cloth on their torso. Why are they wearing human clothes? So many mysteries, so little time.
However, Gordon felt his blood run cold when he saw the large, sharp dorsal fin jutting out from their lower back.
SHIT SHIT SHIT. He couldn’t take a fight with a shark right now - and they were pretty much blocking his only route out of the maze of rocks surrounding the cave. Even with their tail injured, they could still do some serious damage - Gordon noted deep scratches in the side of the boulder. If this was their turf, then they would have no problem defending it, especially if it was from other sirens.
Gordon hadn’t realized he was staring, frozen in place, until the siren suddenly stopped cursing and mumbled, “What?”
He slowly looked up to meet a pair of piercing, diamond-shaped eyes looking at him, dazed and confused.
Gordon immediately jetted to the back of the cave.
The siren called after him - “Wait! Damnit- Kid, c’mon, hold up-”
“Go away!” he squeaked, pressing his back up against the cold rock. The shark bent around to see into the cave, and Gordon realized in a panic that they could easily reach in and grab him if they wanted. He saw them reach towards him and scrunched his eyes and thought bitterly well, this is fitting, fucking pathetic to the very end-
He opened his eyes after a moment, suddenly more confused than scared.
The siren had taken their outstretched hand back, cradling it with their other hand awkwardly. Their expression was that of… worry? shock? even more confusion? - before it settled into a soft but determined smile.
“Hey, look, I’m not gonna hurt you, alright?” They put their hands up in a gesture clearly meant to put him at ease, but all Gordon could focus on was how sharp their claws were. Their face shifted into a more confused look as Gordon refused to calm down.
“Okay, uh, where’s your school? Did- did they swim off somewhere? Or what?” they asked, their voice sounding thoroughly lost.
Gordon curled in on himself further, blocking events of the last day from his mind (still a goddamn coward, what do you know).
The shark stilled, taking his silence as a bad sign. “Shit, uh, bad topic-” They attempted to shift their body to inch further into the cave.
Gordon’s fighting instincts finally kicked in at the sudden movement, and he sprung outwards to slash in a wide motion, entirely missing the shark in his desperation. “Don’t fucking come closer!”
“Woah- alright, alright,” they muttered, surprised.
Tension floated in the saltwater between them for a long moment. The siren awkwardly fidgeted with their hands before running them through her brown hair, looking deep in thought. The light peeking out from behind their silhouette still gave the shark a shadowed, threatening aura, but without any further attempts to come closer, the panic slowly seeped from Gordon, quickly replaced by a pang of regret at his behavior. So far, they hadn’t done anything to deserve his outburst. Not to mention their tail - he had no fucking clue how they were still this patient while in that kind of pain. The shark has so far been an anomaly between their acceptance of an unknown siren in their part of the shallows and their attempts to be non-threatening, and he hoped that also meant they were being sincere about wanting to help him.
Still. Pressed up against the end of the shallow cave, it was difficult to accept their attempts at comfort at face value.
“Aren’t you going to eat me?” Gordon choked out, unable to keep the fear and dread out of his voice.
They wrinkled their eyebrows, amused. “Eat you? Why would I do that?”
Gordon shot her a skeptical glare.
The siren snorted. “Dude, if I wanted to eat someone today I definitely would not have chosen some tiny little eel. You’ve barely got enough meat on you-”
They cut themselves off as Gordon glared a little harder.
The siren made an awkward coughing noise. “Not that I eat people, though.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
They looked taken off guard for a moment before their face split into hysterical laughter. It might have been endearing were it not for Gordon’s acute awareness of their sharp, jagged teeth.
“Oh, kid, I like you.”
Gordon snapped back without thinking. “Don’t call me ‘kid.’”
The siren giggled a little. “Why not?”
“Because- Because you’re barely older than me!” he exclaimed, more than a little bit exasperated. Up close, Gordon could clearly see that they were relatively young.
“Please, you look like a minnow. Can’t be that old.”
Gordon stiffened, indignant. He wasn’t that short. He opened up his mouth to protest, before being cut off by the shark.
“Alright, little-” The siren erupted in giggles before starting again. “-little baby eel boy. I believe you. Wise beyond your years.”
Gordon scoffed a little. “You’re really calm for someone who got their tail-”
“Her tail.”
“For someone who got her tail crushed.”
The siren let out another wave of giggles, curling in on herself. Gordon noticed he wasn’t nearly as tense as he was a minute ago, despite the frustration that came with talking to the shark. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that, to be honest, but he wasn’t about to completely trust someone who could probably kill him in a millisecond (maybe? She was pretty small and not as aggressive as other sharks he’d known - he was second-guessing himself on his initial judgement).
Gordon was startled out of his thoughts when the siren let out a sudden hiss of pain, having unintentionally pulled at her tail.
“Augh- okay, still crushed,” she sighed. “Listen, I’d love to chat more, trust me, but I’m gonna have to ask you to help me out here.”
Gordon tensed, the thought of leaving the cave shoving the red flags in his face once again. “Why would I do that?”
She gave him a sobered look. “Look, I’m not going to attack you or anything. I just need you to get my bag for me.”
Gordon considered this for a moment. “... and if I help you, you promise not to attack me? Even after I help you out?”
The siren sighed a little louder. “I just said I wouldn’t, but y’know if you need to shake on it or something.” She slowly offered him her hand. “I promise I won’t attack you if you help me out.”
Again, the small paranoid voice in his head screamed at him to leave while you have the chance, you idiot. But another part of him felt grateful that her presence distracted him from his thoughts. Gordon was torn between the two intense emotions as he gaped at the outstretched hand.
Fuck it. I’ve got nothing left to live for.
“Deal.” He grabbed her hand, hoping the siren wouldn’t feel how shaky his hands were.
“Great!” She sounded relieved.That’s good, right? “Ok, come out, I’ll show you where it is.”
The siren ushered him out and pointed at a large brown lump maybe ten feet away from the entrance to the cave. “I’ve got something in there that can take care of my, uh, predicament.”
Gordon raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t get that yourself? It’s not that far.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you could get it with your long-ass tail.”
He rolled his eyes, swimming towards the lump (he assumed that’s what she meant by bag). Up close, the “bag” looked relatively light - maybe filled with air? Sand? On second thought, that would have made it heavier - but when Gordon attempted to pick it up he found that it was far more solid.
“What the- What is in this thing? Rocks?”
“That and some other stuff.”
The bag was easier to pick up with a bit more effort, and Gordon dumped it just in front of the siren, who immediately started rooting through the items stored inside.
“Aha!” She pulled out a long, curved piece of black metal, with a forked tip on one end. The shark twist around and lodged a curved end in between the rock crushing her tail and the ground, then pushed all her body weight down on the metal. She wasn’t having much success; the shark had to twist her body at an awkward angle to push down on it, and she was clearly struggling with not moving her tail at the same time.
Gordon just blankly stared at her for a moment before it occurred to him that he should maybe try to help. Considering he was on a roll with not thinking about the consequences of his actions (holy shit you dumbass you’re too close she could rip your throat out), it wasn’t all that surprising when he found his hands suddenly gripping the cold metal. “Here. On three.”
The siren quirked an eyebrow at him. “Alright.”
“One, two, three-” Both of them together easily managed to push the metal down, allowing a gap between the rocks. She quickly yanked her tail out of the gap before Gordon lost his grip, the shark hissing at the lack of pressure, but otherwise fine.
The shark sighed in relief, moving her tail a little to test out her newfound freedom. She turned to face Gordon again. “Thanks. Name’s Jen.”
“Gordon.”
“Well, Gordon, what now?” Jen asked, stretching her arms in a clear attempt to look casual.
He felt his breath hitch. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re still separated from your school. I didn’t see any mers on my way up here.”
Right, of course she would question that. “I’m pretty sure they’re long gone.” His shoulders slumped. It felt wrong to lie to her like that, but he wasn’t keen on dumping his entire life story on some random siren he’d just met.
The shark’s expression lost its lighthearted edge. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
You don’t know the half of it.
Gordon scanned the surrounding waters as the conversation dropped off. It wasn’t much to look at, just empty water, grey rock, and long stretches of sand as far as the eye could see.Fuck , he missed the reef. At least the brightly colored coral there was interesting to stare at as he spaced out.
He winced and shoved the memories back down. “What about you?”
Jen’s turned her head back toward him. “What?”
“Where’s your school?”
The shark’s eyes darted toward the drab stone beneath them, then back out at the open ocean. “Eh. Schools were never really my thing.”
There was more there, but Gordon didn’t want to press. “Sorry.”
Jen flashed him a toothy smile. “Nah, it’s alright. Gives me more room to look for cool shit.”
“‘Cool shit’? Like the…” He gestured towards the piece of metal still laying on the ground where they’d left it. “Like that?”
“Crowbar,” Jen supplied.
“Yeah, that.”
“Yeah! Humans throw away the coolest shit sometimes, the ungrateful fucks,” she ranted, going through her bag. “A lot of it ends up in the water near the shores, so I just swipe it.” Jen pulled out a shiny disc to show to him, slowly turning it so that he could see the strip of color that it reflected. “Most of it’s just cool looking rocks, but sometimes you get more interesting stuff.”
Gordon did a double take. “Wait, you’ve gone near the shore? That’s fucking suicide!”
Jen winked. “Not if you don’t get caught.”
“Don’t they like, I dunno,cut off shark fins?”
“Again, not a problem if you aren’t a dumbass,” she chided. “Most of them aren’t that attentive anyway. Stole one of their shirt thingies on a beach once.” Jen stretched the front of the cloth around her torso (a shirt, Gordon corrected himself, he was learning all sorts of things today), allowing Gordon to clearly see the circular print on the front, with two humans standing in the center. Huh. Weird.
Jen leaned back on her arms, scanning the open water in front of them. “You can find all kinds of shit they leave behind if you just pay-”
She let out an unrestrained gasp of glee as her eyes fixed something in the distance. Gordon barely had a chance to react before she rocketed past him, picking up a shiny, black dome hidden in the rocks.
“Holy shit! They left it here! I’ve been trying to find one of these for forever!” she exclaimed, turning the object over in her hands as she inspected it.
“What is it?”
“I dunno. I’ve seen humans wear these to go underwater though,” she mused, her clawed fingers grazing over a metal grate jutting out over the black plastic. Two circles of glass were embedded right above it, creating an eerie looking face. There was a large, uneven dent in the side, like someone had bashed in the object out of frustration.
Or grief, Gordon thought unwillingly.
Once again, he blocked out the memories of the last day, fidgeting to keep his hands from shaking. If he squinted with blurry eyes, he could almost deceive himself into believing that it was a coincidence they’d found that right outside his cave.
It might’ve worked, if Jen hadn’t turned the helmet right then, if he hadn’t seen the tiny, orange symbol on the back. The cracks in the sleek plastic near the back of the neck. It looked like teeth marks.
Gordon felt his breath pick up as the memories started flooding back, the red mist floating in the water around him, the limp bodies of his school, his family, now lifeless, their old leviathan fighting for her life as the spears sank into her body, as the black, soulless shapes closed in, you could’ve frozen them before they got to the reef you fucking pathetic excuse for a siren, had to freeze up and get them all killed- they were right outside and you didn’t even notice-
He hadn’t realized he’d let a bit of his voice out, cerulean to leaf, the stream of color floating out in front of him as he dug his claws into his forearms, curling forwards. Shit.Way to go, jackass. Fuck.
Jen gaped at him, utter shock and confusion apparent on her face she doesn’t fucking deserve to deal with your breakdowns, you should be able to deal with this yourself -
“Wh-” Her attention jumped back to the object in her hands, turning it over before her eyes likely caught on the same symbol. A flurry of emotions passed over her face as she looked between Gordon and the object; contemplation, dawning horror, pity, rage. “So you’re what they were here for,” she muttered under her breath, her voice tense and low.
A cloud of bubbles rushed out from her gills, and a shrill screech echoed through the water as her claws dug into the metal in the front.
Gordon flinched, knowing full well what she’d say next - Gordon had failed his school. That wasn’t something that sirens took lightly. Jen would yell at him, maybe toss him around a bit. Then he’d be on his own. Worse, she’d suspect that he was just faking his weakness for the perfect chance to strike (if only), and bolt away.
“Those fuckers.”
Wait, what?
Gordon felt a hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch away. He looked up to find Jen’s eyes trained on him, her expression so horribly, bafflingly soft and yet so angry (he had a feeling it wasn’t at him, strangely), pulling back her arm.
“Fuckin’,” she cursed, frustrated, “Look, I’m not really good at this. But. I get it? Shit’s wild for you right now.”
Jen looked down, deep in thought. “They- they took everything from me too. Fuckin’. Took me from my home. Did-Did some stuff. Then they said I was ‘incompatible.’” She practically growled out the last word. Her hand moved down to rub one of her pectoral fins, revealing a moderately large scar, almost like a deep crack in a rock, running to almost the center of the fin. Gordon wondered how he hadn’t seen that before.
“After- after that they just dumped me in the middle of nowhere. ‘S why I started stealing shit. And stayed alone,” Jen muttered, her eyes scanning the ground before coming back up to meet his. “So, uh, you’re not alone. Ironically.”
Gordon felt torn between a thousand different emotions, each one more frustrating and surprising than the last. Emotional vulnerability wasn’t something that was usually met with… whatever this was. At least in his experience. So there’s yet another point of confusion, as well as some lingering distrust. On the other hand, he hadn’t even said anything about it and she’d already figured out all of his problems, which was somehow both terrifying and comforting. At least he didn’t need to spill his guts and listen to his choked-up voice the whole time.
Gordon rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes, and forced himself to breathe. Fuck. In for 8, out for 10. Was that the phrase? He hadn’t needed to use it before. And now he’s lost count, great.
He was stunned out of his train of thought when Jen muttered, “Here,” and he looked up to find her hand outstretched. “It’s your choice, though,” she said, a little louder.
Gordon took the offered hand without really thinking about it, grateful for the sensory distraction. Almost immediately Jen began rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb, careful not to knick him with her claws.
It took a good few minutes (at least, Gordon thought) for him to calm down, focusing on the rubbing sensation rather than the intense burning in his gills or anything going on in his head. Slowly but surely, his head cleared, and he could breathe without gasping.
He blankly realized that he was still holding Jen’s hand. Awkward. He let her hand slip out of his, hoping she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.
Jen simply leaned back on her arms, stretching her tail out in front of her. The shark combed her claws through her hair again, letting out a sigh before turning back to Gordon.
“So,” she started, caution overriding her false bravado, “... bigshot eel man, huh?”
“So just because I’m a leviathan I’m longer?”
Jen stilled for a moment, surprised he said the Word they were both thinking, before clearing her throat. “Hey, I never said you were big, I said you were a bigshot. Big difference.”
Gordon groaned. “God, that’s awkward.”
“The pun or the breakdown?” Jen asked.
“Both, I guess.”
“My puns are amazing, thank you very much,” she chided, “And far more awkward than anything you could do in your life.”
The conversation drifted into comfortable silence, with both mers staring out into the empty water in front of them, as if suddenly aware of the space in front of them.
“You know, you never really answered my question earlier,” Jen said.
“Which question?”
“‘What now?’” she repeated. “I think it’s more important now. You’re kinda, uh, on your own.” Jen vaguely gestured to their surroundings to emphasize her point.
What was he going to do? It wasn’t like he had anywhere to go now. And staying here wasn’t an option - even he knew it was too close to the shores. The thought of being completely and utterly alone kept him from really thinking of his future. The most he could manage was a downtrodden, “I don’t know.”
Jen looked away again, suddenly deep in thought. She took a while to turn back, her confident filter all the way off, to sputter out, “Well. I mean. We could just stick together?”
“What?”
“I mean, neither of us really have anywhere else to go. It might be nice having a partner in crime. I dunno.” She folded her hands in front of her. “Again, it’s your choice.”
Gordon opened his mouth instinctively to say, “no thanks, I don’t want another death on my conscience,” but stopped himself. Was being alone going to be any better? He’d only been on his own for half a day at most, and he was already chatting it up with a stranger so he wouldn’t have to stew in his own misery. He’d rather stick around someone who could put up with him rather than end up with someone less naive. Jen seemed glad to have his company as well, so clearly she still wanted him around. Gordon wasn’t sure how well he’d fare against the open ocean alone. They might be able to defend each other should they come back, and that was the least Gordon could do for her at this point. Even if he was clearly shit at it.
In retrospect, it was the best and worst decision Gordon had ever made.
“Sure.”
Jen blinked. “Really?”
“Yeah. Might as well.”
“Great!” she shouted, before coughing and saying in a lower voice, “I’ve got a place a little further out where we can camp. It’s far enough out from the shore that no boats or humans should bother us.”
“Okay.”
Jen pushed herself off of the rock to float upright, slinging the long strip attached to her bag around her shoulder and fiddling with a metal loop attached to it. When she decided she was done (Gordon didn’t really understand the point of the loop in the first place) she glanced back at Gordon and asked, “You coming?”
Gordon realized he’d just been staring at her blankly, not getting up from his position. God, he was tired. “Yeah, one sec.”
He pushed himself up from the rocks, following Jen as she swam off into the open water.
“... so. Do you eat people?”
Jen huffed and yelled over her shoulder, “No! No I don’t!”
As the cave faded off into the distance, Gordon realized he felt safe. He hoped that was a good thing.