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September 2012
Nick sighed as he stared at his phone, Harry’s text up on screen, a simple, “Hiii!” and Nick could hear it too. In that droning Northern accent. He must’ve been sat staring at it for far longer than he realised, because before he could react Aimee reached over and grabbed it out of his hands.
“Aimee!”
“For fuck’s sake, you’ve turned into a zombie. I bet if I could read your mind right now it would just be ‘Harry Styles Harry Styles’ over and over like a broken record. Either you text him back or I will.” She handed the phone back, staring at him, judging him, and Nick knew it. Aimee didn’t play nice. That was something he liked about her. He had his friends who would coddle him on a bad day or sit and give him advice and then there was Aimee, who kicked his ass.
“Invite him over for dinner tomorrow.”
Nick rolled his eyes, “How original.”
“Harry doesn’t want flashy things Nicholas. Trust me, he likes simple things. Have him over, order take-out, watch some TV. He’s 18 and he’s mobbed by screaming girls on the regular. Just ease into things.”
Nick glanced down at the phone again, then back up at Aimee. She sighed loudly and held her hand out,
“Give it.”
Nick was really thankful for Aimee in his life.
There was only one flaw with inviting Harry over for dinner. And that was, that Nick’s cooking skills left much to be desired. Nick had penchants for microwave meals, and it wasn’t like he was useless in the kitchen, but well, Jamie Oliver he certainly wasn’t. Nick did easy meals. Mac n’cheese, grilled burgers, chicken pasta that came pre-frozen in a bag. So then why, why, when Harry was standing there next to him at the counter asking what dinner plans were, did Nick over-confidently reply,
“What do you want? I can make anything.”
“Anything?” Harry’s eyebrows raised.
“Yeah.” Nick gestured around the kitchen, “I live on my own. I cook all the time don’t I?”
Harry looked to Aimee for some sort of confirmation. Nick glared at Aimee as Harry’s back was turned. She held so much power in her well-manicured hands right now, and he was silently pleading with her to not fuck this up for him before it even got started.
“Don’t believe him, Harry.” Aimee playfully pushed Nick’s arm away as he tried to grab her, “His cooking is terrible.”
“It is not! I can make us dinner. I can cook anything you want.”
“Fine.” Aimee folded her arms smugly, “I want chicken alfredo, and not sauce out of a jar.”
“I wasn’t asking you. Harold! What do you want for dinner?” Nick turned toward the boy, who was looking a bit uncomfortable caught between the two friends.
“Why don’t you just let me take you out? I’ll pay for dinner.” Harry suggested.
“Ooo.” Aimee made a teasing noise and elbowed Nick in the side. He reached back to grab her again and she twisted away.
“No, no I want to cook for you. I mean, not just for you, for all of us. Because I can. So what do you want? Tell me.”
“Anything?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok. I want spinach and feta pie.”
Nick suddenly looked worried. He looked over at Aimee who had a smug grin on her face, and then back at Harry who was smiling at him like he could make the pie appear out of thin air. Before he could even say anything, Harry exclaimed, “I’ll get the car keys.” And ran to the front door. Nick was near tears, softly whimpering as he place his head in his hands, and Aimee patted his shoulder in a somewhat condescending way.
When they returned from the shop, Harry took back his seat at the table, and smirked at Nick as he emptied the shopping bags out on the counter.
“Are you not going to help?”
“No, no.” Harry gestured that he continue, “You said you could cook and I want to see it. Go ahead. Wow me.”
“You will eat your words Harold.”
“And that pie hopefully.”
Nick groaned as he opened the cookbook and glanced down at the page of instructions. It was about half a page, a lot of in-between steps, weighing and measuring and mixing and all that sort. But he didn’t imagine this would take him more than an hour.
Within that hour, Nick caught himself staring at Harry approximately 17 times, daydreaming of Harry falling in love with him instantaneously after eating the pie 4 times, and hallucinated that Harry was naked 9 times. But it would all be worth it. He would make the best spinach pie ever and Harry wouldn’t be able to resist his charms, they would be living together by the end of the month Nick imagined.
After hour four, at long last the pie was made, ending up in quite an incident. Aimee had only watched and by the end of it she was exhausted. It looked far better than Nick had imagined. Not so much could be said for the state of his kitchen.
“So, what do you say now Harold? Believe me?”
“I never said I didn’t believe you.” Harry replied, draping an arm across Nick’s shoulders and kissing his cheek, “Good job.”
Nick ignored the sudden flush he could feel on his cheeks and continued the conversation, “So are you saying you just used me for a free meal?”
“What would you rather he use you for Nick?” Aimee asked.
“Shut up.” Nick growled.
“Harry…” Every time Aimee spoke Nick felt a hole in the pit of his stomach, what the fuck was she going to say now. “I bet you don’t get this lot. People cooking for you.”
“I’m usually the one doing the cooking.” Harry said, as he took a big bite. “But some girls have. Never another guy though. Guess a lot of guys don’t like cooking. Gender stereotypes and all that.”'
“But not you?”
Aimee kept asking these questions, Nick was mortified. He wanted to melt into his chair, but he just kept eating.
“Yeah. Well…” He shrugged, “Haven’t had a girl complain yet.”
“No…” Aimee glanced up at Nick, who looked more than a little devastated, “You wouldn’t.”
After the night wound to a close and Harry had helped clean up a bit, he had given them both a huge hug goodbye and been on his way. It was then that Nick found himself lying back on his couch, his head in Aimee’s lap as she combed her fingers through his hair.
“So, he’s straight.” Aimee said. “You never asked?”
“I just assumed. He’s so…well…” Nick gestured with his hands. He then laid his hands over his face to hide his eyes and groaned, “I’m fucked Aimee.”
“Or not as the case may be.”
Nick moved his hands, frowning at her, “Not funny.”
“Look, it’s not hopeless. He’s young, he could be feeling things out. And anyway, there’s nothing wrong with just being a friend. He could probably use one.”
“Yeah, that’s what I need.” Nick remarked sarcastically, “A hot, young, funny, charming…friend.”
“Sounds like your crowd.”
Sometimes, Nick really hated Aimee.
October 2012
“Last year someone asked one of the best questions to ever be asked on Radio 1. Harry Styles, why are you so fit?”
Harry smiled, and Nick maintained his joking tone as he spoke, continuing into the bit and watching Harry’s delight as he listened to this woman assess his face. But this was a question that constantly rattled around in Nick’s mind.
Harry Styles, why are you so fit?
Why indeed?
Nick saw that smirk from Ian as they played the clip describing Harry’s smile and hair and pleasing face. And there he was listening nonchalantly like that same face hadn’t been the subject of a wanking fantasy or two.
“So the reason that Harry Styles is so fit…” the woman continued, “Is because out of all the boys, he has the most average face.”
Harry frowned, a look of confusion settling in those lovely green eyes of his, and Nick laughed raucously.
“Average?! I’m average.”
“Oh my god, that was so anti-climactic. Why are you so fit Harry? Because my face is average.” Nick giggled into the microphone, “That’s great.”
“Yeah, great, thanks Honey Lancaster. Thanks for that. Can we play a song now?”
Nick was still laughing.
He had jumped on this 1D Radio special when he was told about, scooped up Harry before anyone else could call dibs on him, could think of nothing but being sat with Harry in his studio for a full hour and listening to him go on and on in that low-toned dreamy voice of his. Of course the actual experience was a bit different.
Ian was there for one. Smirking at Nick the whole time. Harry was frequently texting during songs, or running out for a wee, or getting pulled aside by the runner to tell him about something going on later.
And Nick found himself staring far more than he would admit too.
When they played ‘Which Direction?’ he was so distracted by Harry’s face he got almost all of the answers wrong. He listened to that album front and back. But who needed the album when he had the real fucking thing.
“I’m rubbish at your game.” Nick said.
“Nah you just need practice. You need to come to mine and I’ll give you a crash course.” Harry winked.
Did he wink? Oh god, Nick thought, now he was imagining winks. He wanted to crawl under the desk.
Nick didn’t say much during their last two songs, and as their hour came to an end Harry set his headphones down on the desk as the music played them out, smiling back at Nick, who had his phone out texting. Nick looked up to Harry’s grin.
“That was good yeah?”
“Yeah. Really good Harold. You’re a natural. You’ll be taking over for me one day.”
Harry nodded, “Yeah, I’d do it.”
“Harry! You’re supposed to say, ‘Nah Grim, they’ll want you forever. No one’s better than you. I could never compare.” Nick rolled his eyes, “You going to stick around for Zayn?”
“We can just put the radio on at yours.”
“Oh?” Nick froze as he threw on his jacket, “We’re going to mine?”
“Yeah.” Harry shuffled to his feet, running fingers through his curls, “I mean, I just assumed, middle of the day and all. Plus I have to quiz you more on recognizing our voices.”
“Keep blathering on Styles and I won’t be able to get your voice out of my head.”
Harry laughed, “Please. You love it.”
Nick laughed, side-eyeing Ian as he followed Harry out, Ian only shook his head with a shrug.
February 2013
Harry fell onto the couch with all the grace that a very tipsy 19 year old could muster, giggling all the while, and tucking his head into the crook of his arm. Nick wasn’t far behind, sinking down onto the couch beside him and reaching over to pat his back.
“C’mon Harold! We gotta stay awake! I have radio in less than two hours.”
“Awwww, just a power nap then, ey Grim?”
“No!” Nick shook Harry’s shoulders, “We won’t wake up and I’m not about to get fired 5 months into my dream job.”
Harry groaned, his eyes still shut tight, “Well then what are we going to do for an hour and a half?”
“Well…” Nick giggled, “I know what I would do if you were someone else, but…well…” Harry sat up, looking quizzically to Nick who was almost bashfully staring at him. “You don’t swing that way Harold. I won’t pressure you.”
“Hey! You’re not even going to ask?” Harry frowned, his mop of curly hair flopping into his face.
Nick’s eyes went wide and then he looked perplexed, his head tilting to one side much like a dog did when it heard a strange sound. Harry just stared back at him, his breath slow and even, waiting for Nick to make the next move.
“I must be more drunk than I realised. Harry…are you saying you want to get off with me?”
“No, I’m saying I want you to ask me if I want to get off with you and I might say yes.”
Nick shook his head, “No. I’m not going to take advantage of you. You’re not thinking straight.” He giggled at the accidental pun. “And I am…ironically. So you just…take that nap you mentioned. I’ll stay awake and wake you when it’s time to go.”
“But Niiiiiiicck….” Harry whined into Nick’s ear, his hand sliding down to Nick’s crotch, rubbing against him through the fabric. Nick bit at his lip, “I’ve never kissed you. I’ve never kissed any boy before, and if there was ever a boy that I would want to kiss it would be you. I want to know what you taste like.”
“Harry, you’re so smashed.”
“So kiss me and I’ll forget it in the morning.”
“It is morning you idiot.” Nick cupped Harry’s chin in his hand, drawing their lips closer together, and finally they met in a slow kiss. Nick half-expected Harry to immediately pull away, but instead the boy moved closer, tugging at Nick, hands gone everywhere and Nick wondered if Harry had been telling the truth. Was Nick really the first guy he had ever kissed? That thought alone made sparks shoot through him, straight to his groin, where his dick was quite aware that a very pretty boy currently was licking against his tongue.
Harry rutted up against Nick’s thigh, gripping at his biceps, and the kissing continued.
At some point it all became a blur, Nick was running on instinct. He wasn’t even sure they were talking to each other anymore. Harry’s shirt was rucked up, Nick kissing fervently down his torso until Harry’s cock was in his mouth and he took him into his throat, making Harry keen and whimper at the sensation.
Nick let Harry come into his mouth, and he licked him clean, Harry’s head falling back onto the cushions.
Nick smiled up at the boy.
“Harry…mmm…Harry…” Nick felt himself being shaken…what was happening? “Harry?”
“Grimmy! Wake up!”
Nick opened his eyes and found himself staring up at the fully-dressed pop star.
“”It’s 6 o’clock, we have to get to the studio!” Harry tugged at Nick’s arm, pulling him off the couch. Nick staggered to the nearest mirror and tried to sculpt his hair into something presentable, then turned back to his friend, still in the same clothes from the night before. “You look fine. Let’s go.”
It had been a dream then? Nick tried to shake himself out of it on the cab ride over. It hadn’t felt like a dream. And even as he looked over at Harry now, slightly hung over and beaming at him from the other side of the cab, he couldn’t believe it was a dream.
“Harold did I…?” Nick eyed the drive and lowered his voice, “Did we…do anything at the house?”
“Like what?” Harry asked, “You were babbling about how we shouldn’t take a nap and then you took one. I had to walk around your flat for an hour to keep myself awake. I put Dev on. He’s good company.”
“Yeah he is. We can go in and say hi when we get there if you want?”
Harry agreed, and patted Nick’s leg. Two pats. The most heterosexual way a man could touch another man. Nick sighed, audibly, and Harry glanced over but didn’t say anything. Nick was oddly quiet for the ride, which Harry chalked up to hangover, but once they got into the studio where about 6 other people, plus an exhausted Matt Fincham were waiting for them, radio!Nick came to life.
“Hi!” He hugged someone, “See Finchy I told you we’d make it. Oh my god, where’s Dev? I want to see Dev. Come on!” Nick grabbed Harry’s hand and pulled him through to the live lounge.
“Nick, wait.” Harry tugged his hand away, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I mean…I’m a bit…” Nick made a wavy gesture with his hand, “But I’m good.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. Harold.” Nick grabbed Harry’s shirt and pulled the boy toward him, “I’m perfect. And so are you. You’re really…really…” Nick noted their lips getting closer and closer, Harry’s tongue even darting out to lick at his top lip quickly, and Nick thought he’d be pushed away but he wasn’t. Would Harry go for it? Was this happening? “Harry, you are really…” Nick was practically whispering into his mouth, the boy’s breath warm on his face, and then they heard the clattering of a door behind them.
“Oh.”
Harry stepped away and Nick turned around to see Dev there, smiling bashfully.
“Morning guys. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Nick laughed, “Don’t be ridiculous Dev. You know me and Haz are just pals.”
“Yeah. It’s nothing. We just had a long night is all. Not thinking straight.” Harry giggled, turning to smile at Nick like he knew he had just quoted directly from Nick’s dream. It had been a dream, hadn’t it? Nick found himself questioning, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on it.
Harry giggled his way through the entire show. It was delightful for their listening public.
For Nick, it was torture.
September 2013
This had all been LMC’s brilliant idea.
It had gone off well, but now the interview was over and he was just in a room with three members of One Direction and a bunch of cake. Rewind, he was in a room with Harry, eating cake, and licking his fingers in the most obscene way so that Nick wanted to take him by the shoulders, back him into a wall and shove those fingers of his right into his…
“Grimmy!”
It was Liam. Tall and scruffy and Beckham-looking, so much that Nick gave him a once over and yeah, if he would he could.
“What’s going on Liam? Good interview today.”
“Same to you. Nice touch with the cake, I liked it.”
Liam reached out for a one-armed hug, and Nick obliged, noting Liam’s face when he pulled away.
“Mate…your heart is like, racing. You okay?”
“Yeah…” Nick’s eyes flickered over to Harry who was talking with LMC now. “Must be the temperature. Warm in here.”
“Is it?”
“LMC! We need to go!” Nick pushed past Liam, over to his where his co-worker and Harry were engaged in conversation. LMC looked up startled, and Harry’s eyes lit up as Nick came into view.
“Grim! Don’t go yet. I haven’t seen you in months and now you’re just going to run out?” Harry grabbed at his shirt sleeve. “Let’s go get lunch or something? Or we could chill at yours?”
Nick looked over at LMC, who was grinning at him, oh she fucking knew. He couldn’t be alone with Harry now. He just couldn’t. If Harry breathed against him right now he’d probably get a boner. Taking Harry home was really a poor idea.
“Oh, I really have other things to back at work...”
“No you don’t.” LMC piped up. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Great!” Harry cheered, but Nick was suddenly exasperated. LMC knew what she had just done and she was clearly pleased as punch about it, when punch was exactly what Nick wanted to do to her right now. “I’ll get my stuff and just come over, ok? Oh, and bring the rest of that cake it’s really good.” He gave his fingers a final wet lick
“Yeah…ok.”
As Harry ran from the room following Liam and Zayn, Nick turned to LMC and scowled.
“What was that?”
“Look Nick, it’s about time you sorted this Harry thing out. This can’t go on forever.”’
“Yes it can! Wait…what Harry thing?”
“He was gone for 8 months. And the entire time, every time his name was mentioned, you adopted the mentality of a lost puppy . You need to address this and either tell him, or…”
“Or what?”
“Get over it.” LMC shrugged, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
“There’s nothing to get over. Harry’s straight, I don’t push his buttons, it’s not going to happen.”
“Grimshaw, I was right next to you when we walked in today and that boy looked at you like you had just turned on the sun.
Nick looked up, watching Harry and the other boys walk out the door, right after Harry turned and waved back at him.
“Be over soon! Bye!”
Nick let out a loud sigh when he was gone.
“See! He loves you!”
Nick made a whimpering noise as he sank down to the floor and sat at LMC’s feet, her reaching over to pet his hair.
November 2013
Nick had asked Harry to go along with him and Gillian to Poppy’s hen-do months ago. Had he known the awkwardness that was to follow, he might’ve recanted his invitation. Nick guessed neither of them would bring up what had happened in September. How Nick had sloppily grasped at Harry’s hips and let his lips drag slowly over his jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin of his neck. Harry was the one who had pushed Nick away, growing hard against his thigh and Nick wanted to drop to his knees and take Harry into his mouth right there. Harry left so fast, and he hadn’t texted Nick for weeks after that.
Gillian got there first, Puppy barking to announce her arrival, and she stumbled in with a duffle bag in hand.
“Grimmy! I haven’t got the right shirt to wear. Can I borrow yours?” Gillian looked up to the beaming face of Harry Styles and stopped in her tracks, “Oh! Hello Harry, I didn’t know you’d gotten here already.” She giggled at she looked down at his outfit, “You look great.”
“I don’t think this is what Hanson wore. I think we’ve missed.”
“Well…” she shrugged, “Too late now. Where’s Grim?”
“Getting dressed.”
“I see. Not helping then?”
Harry scrunched his face up, not sure if he was interpreting Gillian’s statement correctly. Before he could say anything else, Nick’s head poked around the corner.
“Gellz! Come here! You want a shirt or not?”
She laughed as she saw Nick’s outfit, “Those shorts are perfection on you.”
Following him into his bedroom, he tossed her another plaid button-up so she would match with him and Harry. As she pulled it on, he caught her smirking.
“What now?”
“Harry!” Gillian yelled out the door, “Nick has a crush on you!”
“Gillian!”
They waited…but no response came, so it seemed by some miracle Harry had been distracted enough by something that he hadn’t heard. Nick sighed with relief.
“You’re such a child.”
“I’m the child? I’m not the one who won’t tell a boy I fancy him.”
“We’ve been over this. Get dressed.”
“No.” Gillian folded her arms, “Not until you give me a good reason why you won’t tell him how you feel. He’s one of your best friends, he’ll get it.”
“It’s not about whether or not he gets it. I know he’ll get it. He’s Harry for god sakes. He’s the nicest person I’ve ever known."
“So…?”
“Gillian please, can we just go to the party and have a good fucking time? Please?”
“Hey!” Harry burst in without warning, “Look what I found.” He held up the Coldplay Elephant head triumphantly, “Is this for me?”
“Um…yeah I was holding on to it for you.” Nick said, “I knew you liked it so…”
“Can I wear it out? Let’s take it with us. Come on, it’ll be so fun!” Harry held to the Elephant head and waved it’s trunk at Nick, “Please...”
Gillian laughed, “Maybe you could wear it in the bedroom. Spice it up a bit. Ooo, yes…” She faux-moaned, “You’re such a big pachyderm.” She heard Harry giggle in response, but Nick was still stone silent. “Come on, don’t be a grumpy gus, Grimmy. Let’s take it.”
“As long as Gellz doesn’t try to fuck me with it, fine. Put it in the car.”
“Puppy really likes it.”
“Harold that thing is worth about 15,000 pounds, do not let my dog use it as a chew toy!” Nick called after him as they hurried back downstairs.
Nick would spend the rest of the night chasing after Harry in that damn Elephant head, until Harry came to clutch at his arm slightly drunk, as Nick led him to the car. The whole time hoping Harry couldn’t feel how much Nick’s pulse had quickened beneath his fingers.
October 2014
Nick’s text alert went off, startling Pig who sat up and barked at the sound.
“Shush girl.” Nick muttered half-asleep, reaching over to grab at his phone as Pig sniffed around for the source. He let his eyes adjust to the brightness of his screen, and blinked blurrily at the words.
miss me? –H
Nick smiled as he leaned back against his pillows to type out a reply.
Every day popstar-x Grimmy
Nick and Harry had been in constant contact while Harry was away on tour. Always on the phone, texting, skyping. Nick had been getting ribbed by Matt Fincham and the team more than ever these last few weeks because they all knew the One Direction tour was ending, that Harry would be back in London town before long. Nick played it off, but they knew. He was far too excited.
You in tonight?-x Grimmy
actually i’m already here-H
What? You should’ve told me! Would’ve come and got you-x Grimmy
come and get me now-H
Nick paused, confused.
?-x Grimmy
i’m at your front door-H
Nick jumped out of bed, not even bothering to put on anything, just hurried down stairs in his vest and pants, Pig at his heels barking because she knew something was up. Nick corralled her into her kennel quickly so he could open the door without her bolting out, and so he could take time to process what this was. Harry was lying.
Nick opened the front door.
“Hiya.”
Harry wasn’t lying.
“What are you…Harold? What are you doing here? Am I your first stop?”
“Grim, I’ve been in America for nearly four months. I’ve been on buses and planes and in smelly cabs and posh hotel rooms, traveled around the world.”
“Yeah. Don’t rub it in.”
“And nothing feels as good as now.” Harry smiled. But not his regular smile, this was different. Nick quirked his eyebrows.
“Harry…don’t tease me.”
“London has one thing that none of those other cities have.”
“Big Ben?"
“You.” Harry grabbed at the hem of Nick’s top, shuffling closer, and leaning in to kiss him softly. It was quick, but it felt like it lingered forever. Nick just stood there and let himself be kissed, by fucking Harry Styles no less, sighing under his breath when they parted.
“I don’t understand.”
Harry shrugged, “Not sure I do either. It just hit me you know…something Zayn said actually. About how I’ve had a stronger relationship with you than any of the girls I tried to make a go of it with. And I realised maybe it wasn’t about my sexuality, or how people saw me, but more about how I saw myself. You know it’s been a big year…and I think it’s time this happened.”
Harry had always been Harry…popstar! Harry, fashion icon!Harry, best friend!Harry, and that was enough for Nick. Yes he’d always had his little fantasies of the two of them together, of kissing him, getting married and being a proper kept husband, but that was never really in the cards. So he dealt with all the teasing, the fans comments, and the sometimes unpleasant implications. Because they could say whatever they wanted, at the end of the day he still had Harry.
“Nick?”
Nick looked up at Harry, down at his duffle bag, and then back up at those sparkly green eyes and it seemed almost strange that Harry didn’t constantly have music playing behind him.
“Do you want to stay over? I mean, unless you need to go see your Mum or summat?”
“I do, but, I could come back tomorrow.”
Nick gestured around the room, “Not going anywhere am I? Oh…wait…” He disappeared into another room for a moment before returning with a silver key, “You should have this back.” When he placed the key in Harry’s hand, he kept his own there over top of it, pressing the cold metal into his skin, just waiting and staring at their hands as Harry clasped his fingers around, before finally letting go.
The next morning in the studio, Nick’s phone went off with another text, as Paramore’s ‘Still Into You’ played through the studio. Ignoring Matt’s glared for having his phone on, Nick picked it up and looked at the screen.
not a day goes by that I’m not into you! still good-H
“What are you smiling at?” Fiona asked.
Nick looked up, shaking his head, “Nothing. Just a text from my friend.” Nick quickly typed out his reply.
Over at his Mum’s house, Harry picked up his beeping phone, and smiled when he saw the text.
I’m into you-x Grimmy