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Clay has lost it.
His mind has fallen apart.
The paranoia has gotten him.
You're all alone.
No one can help you.
You have only made things worse for everyone around you.
No one really cares what you're feeling.
You failed everyone.
You're not a good person, you're not a hero, Clay. And you will never be.
Every thought he hears in his head has been bombarding him as he points franticaly with the gun he stole from a police officer at everyone. The crowd stepping away from him as back up arrive. The police are armed, their guns now pointing at Clay.
"Clay, put the gun down. Please, no one wants to get hurt." Deputy Bill Standall calls Clay out, trying to make sure no one else gets hurt.
"I'm hurt." Clay glared, not flinching when he stares at the 4 men except Bill pointing their guns at him.
"Ok, Clay. You sure you really want to do this, kid? I understand you've been having stress lately, but you need to drop the gun now."
"No. Fuck this. Fuck everything! All of this shit started when Hannah killed herself and then what, everyone just moves on and never really considers whatever the fuck they're going to do. Everyone just goes on with their business like no one has done anything wrong and never learned! Since Hannah, everything just fell apart and I'm trying my fucking best to keep everything together! Doesn't fucking help when Bryce was murdered and then of all people, you think I did it! The guy who's just making sure there's no more trouble! And then people just look at me as if I'm the fucking person responsible for everything! Fuck all of you!"
"Alright, kid. You're really losing it right now. I'm sorry for everything's that happened. Ok, just stay calm." the deputy stuttered. At this point, he doesn't know what to do, nothing is making Clay calm down. Rather, he only pissed him off more.
Just then, Matt, Lainie, Justin, Jessica, Zach, and Tony as well as Sheriff Diaz had arrive just now, having heard what's happening at the sheriff station, just at the entrance.
"Oh god." Jessica gasped seeing Clay pointing the gun at them, she wasn't too close with Clay, but she never thought Clay would be pointing the gun at people.
"What the fuck." Zach doesn't really know what to do.
Shit. Clay... Justin just stares in horror, this is the second time Clay had started waving a gun around his head. And this time, he can tell his brother has already fallen over the edge.
"Clay! Dude! You don't have to do this dude!" Justin calls out. "Please, Clay! Don't do this."
"Clay! Please." Lainie cries out to Clay, she couldn't bear seeing her son like this.
"Kiddo, you really need to drop the gun." Matt tries to keep himself composed, doing his best to calm down.
"Or what?" Clay glares angrily. "Just treat me like I'm not your son? Well I can tell, cause you have fucking Justin Foley as the good son! So why give a fuck about me when you have fucking Justin!"
"C-Clay..." Justin sobed. "That's not what we think of you, dude. Don't do this."
Clay's eyes started to turn watery, his eyes are threatening to spill tears, but his face still filled with anger and hurt.
"Clay, please." Jessica tries to step in.
"When do you even fucking care, Jessica?"
"Ever since." Jessica tries to reason with Clay.
Clay shoots, only the bullet didn't hit anyone. Everyone flinching, some screaming.
"Bullshit!"
"For fuck's sake, Clay! Stop it!" Zach yells.
"Drop the gun! Now!" One of the policemen yells, threatening to shoot Clay down.
"You wanna shoot me! Fucking shoot me!" Clay points the gun directly at the policeman.
"Dammit, Clay! Don't do this!" Tony yells at his friend.
"Just shoot me! Or I'll just shoot everyone!" Clay readies to pull the trigger.
"Clay, listen to me." Sheriff Diaz tries to reason as well. "I know you've been through a lot. Ok?"
"Yet you think I've been causing trouble. Especially when Bryce was murdered."
"No, Clay. I don't think you killed him alright. This has already been settled."
"And I still see you every time, at school and at home!"
"Clay, it's not what you think."
"Bullshit! All of you are fucking bullshitting me!"
"Jesus! Clay, we're not!" Jessica screams at Clay, already getting sick of how things are going and it's only getting worse.
"No one cares. No one fucking cares. Screw you. FUCKING SCREW EVERYTHING!" Clay breaks as he finally steps over the line, just about to pull the trigger.
At the same time, the police open fire.
"CLAY!" Lainie screams as the 4 policemen shoot Clay. Sheriff Diaz angrily yells "Goddammit! Don't shoot!"
And then, the bullets hit.
Clay's eyes went wide.
As if he was snapped back to reality.
And something was off...
He expected to feel something...
Actually, he did feel something...
But it's not something he was expecting...
He was expecting to feel holes in himself, a surge of pain invading him everywhere.
Instead, Clay went from anger...
...to horrified...
Someone was shot.
But, it's not Clay who got shot...
But someone who jumped in front of him.
Everything happened so fast and took for Clay to see what just happened.
The person weakly turns around and his face meets Clay's, his mouth coughing out blood.
It was Justin...
"J-Justin...?" Clay whimpered, dropping the gun as Justin collapses. Everything felt slow, but Clay manages to catch Justin before his head hit the floor.
"JUSTIN!" Jessica cries out as she runs at Justin, who's now laying on Clay's legs.
"Shit." Zach is horrified as he follows along with Tony.
Then, Matt and Lainie followed.
"Fuck, Justin."
"Oh god! Justin!"
"Someone call an ambulance!" Deputy Standall orders the men to call for emergency.
"Goddammit!" Sheriff Diaz angrily yells at the 4 policemen who shot Justin.
"Sir. He was going to shoot."
"I don't care! I didn't order for any of you to open fire! We were trying to talk him down! Now go hurry your asses and call emergency right now!"
Justin felt like everything went slow.
Felt like everything went to blur.
Faintly hearing Clay, Jessica, Zach, Tony, Matt, and Lainie screaming at him.
He collapses and thought he'll hit his head to the ground. But instead, in the last second, he felt someone caught him.
As he stares up, towards the starry night sky, he sees who caught him.
It was Clay... His face had changed from anger to horror.
Then he sees Jessica's face appear in his vision.
She looked also horrified.
Justin tilts his head up to see Zach, Tony, Matt, and Lainie reach him.
"Someone call an ambulance!" Justin faintly hears Deputy Standall yell, ordering for emergency services.
Justin took all four shots. All in the chest. His entire chest area has been completely bloodied. Both his jacket and white shirt now a bloodied mess.
Justin knew Clay has already went crazy. But the last thing he wants to see of Clay is him getting hurt, worse getting killed.
Despite how Clay's been treating him shit recently, he still cares for him. He still loves him.
He's his brother...
Justin could feel himself start to lose himself as he no longer feels any pain that he took from the shooting.
"J-J-Justin...?" Clay whimpers, staring down at Justin.
"I-I'm..." Justin coughs out blood "I'm okay." Justin tries to laugh it out, but instead coughs out more blood.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jessica sobs.
"I...*cough* *cough* I...don't really feel any pain..." Justin coughs again.
Clay and Jessica, as well as Zach, Tony, Matt, and Lainie, realize what it meant.
N-N-No... Clay realizes that Justin is barely holding on.
"L-Listen, Justin. We're...We're getting help, ok? We'll...We'll get you to a hospital. And they'll treat you. Ok?" Clay starts to break down.
"I...I know..." Justin struggles to keep himself up. He starts to feel weak.
"C-C-Clay... *cough*"
"What?" Clay sees Justin losing his color. "No. No. No no no no. Please, Justin."
"It's...it's ok...man..."
"It's not fucking ok, Justin!" Jessica finally begins to cry. Justin feels hurt seeing Jessica hurt. In fact, when he sees the others, they all share the same look: shock and disbelief.
"Jess...d-don't cry..."
"I-I'm...I'm...sorry... I...I just...can't..." Jessica sobs as her tears fall into Justin's bloodied chest.
Justin weakly tries to grab Jessica's neck behind, "C-Come here... *cough*"
Jessica lets herself lean her forehead into Justin's.
"Y-Y-You're...so strong..."
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Jessica's voice slightly broke, sounding that she's been hurt, but doing her best to show her boyfriend, the boyfriend she felt she never deserve, that she is strong.
Justin coughs very harshly, blood still coming out of his mouth.
"A-Are you...out of...your mind...?" Justin begins to struggle with his voice. "I...I ruined your fucking life."
Justin can sense that he's beginning to lose himself...
"No...you taught me what love is.."
"...Y-Yeah?"
"Y-Yes..."
"Ok..." Justin then looks into Jessica's eyes, despite his state, Jessica can see in Justin's eyes, he loves her, happy to see her, even despite how she has been a bitch to him recently, but they recently came back together and now this is happening all of a sudden...
"You always have that... Ok...? Ok, Jess...?"
"O-O-Ok..." Jessica continues to cry.
"J-J-Justin..." Justin hears someone calling him... He turns to look for who called him, which was Clay.
"I'm so sorry..." Clay sobs as he has been crying earlier. "I'm so sorry...for everything..."
"It's... *cough* It's ok..." Justin is now struggling in speaking, his coughs becoming harsher with every second, the blood from his mouth still coming out of his mouth.
"You're...you're...ok..." Justin weakly smiles at Clay reassuringly.
"A-And...thank you..." Clay couldn't bear what's happening right now. "...for saving my life... More times than you know..."
"You...you didn't have to do this for me, Justin." Clay couldn't hold it together. Why would Justin, knowing the risk of what he just did, take all the bullets for him...?
"Y-Y-You're... *cough* You're... *cough* *cough* a dumbass..."
Clay laughs, Justin being himself despite what's happening right now.
"I love you..." Clay stammers.
Justin weakly smiles at Clay, his brother, who is letting Justin lay on him.
"I...I...l-l-love you... *cough* you too man..." Justin begins to sob. Justin just couldn't bear this anymore as he feels himself fading even more, beginning to see black spots in his vision.
At this point, he already knew...
He's not going to the hospital...
He's not getting out of this...
He's dying...
And he's scared...
Before, he was going to either shoot himself in the head or jump off the top of the crane last year. Never did he actually ever wonder what would be like when he dies. He doesn't know how it's like...
And it's what scares him, he doesn't know what's going to happen...
Clay can see in Justin's eyes fear and being the brother he is, he asks "Are you afraid..?"
Justin knows himself, whenever there's something wrong, it scares him, but he doesn't want to show it, especially when it's with the ones he's close with. He wants to show them that he's strong as he looks...
Before, he used to be scared that everyone he loves will hate him. See him as a burden. As a fucked up junkie who just fucks everything up
But right now, he's dying and he doesn't know what's going to happen. He doesn't know what scares him more.
Because nevertheless, this is when he feels not just scared anymore. But terrified, a lot of things in his head circling around his head as he's running out of time. And it's something he can't hide anymore... Especially with Clay and Jessica beside him. For the first time, he admits...
"Y-Yeah..." Justin's face begins to fall, the brave facade he has on his face is gone. His face shows how he's truly feeling right now of what's happening...
"I-I am..." Justin begins to sob as his teary eyes begin to break down in tears.
Clay's and Jessica's hearts ache as well as everyone else. Seeing Justin like this...
"C-C-Clay... J-J-Jess..." Justin weakly turns to look at Zach, Tony, Matt, and Lainie... "Z-Zach... T-Tony..."
His voice is starting to get weaker.
Fuck, please just let me hold on more...please...
"M-Mom... D-Dad..." Justin sobs... Matt and Lainie didn't realize their eyes are already wet as their tears fell in their cheeks.
"Yes, sweetie." Lainie is already losing it.
"Yeah, kiddo?"
"W-Will...Will you guys...come and...stay close w-with m-me..." Justin asks, though feeling shameful as he doesn't really want to ask too much from his friends and family.
Zach notices Justin's voice, despite being weak, sounding as though feels guilty.
"H-Hey man. It's ok. I'm here." Zach stutters.
"We got you, Justin." Tony tries to keep himself composed, but he can feel his heart getting heavy. He wasn't really too close with Justin, but he knows what Justin has gone through and has been doing his best to be a good person to everyone.
Justin is now surrounded by his friends and family. And then...Justin makes one more request, and this time, as much as he doesn't want to ask more, he needs it...
"C-Clay..." Justin sobs.
"Y-Yeah..."
Justin stares up at Clay, as he looks into the eyes of someone who he never thought he will be the closest person in his life. He never thought that he, of all people, will save him after being an asshole. He never thought he'll have a brother... Clay saved him... Clay loves him...
And he'll do anything for him...
Just as Justin himself will do anything for him...
If there's one thing he wants to see, do, or feel, he'd want it to be with Clay. Brothers till the end...
"W-Will you hold...Will you hold my hand..." Justin's cries grow stronger... He weakly reaches out with his hand at Clay.
"...bro..." And he begins to cry uncontrollably... His coughs still getting harsher... Clay also loses himself...
"Y-Yeah..." He sobs... "Yeah, bro..."
Jessica also freely cries as she leans into Justin's forehead again.
As every second ticks by, he feels himself fading. The darkness beginning to take over his vision, his hands still holding onto Clay's, and his forehead still leaning into Jessica's. He couldn't feel anything, but he could still feel Clay's hands and Jessica's head. He could still feel their warmth skins.
He then blinks one last time and stares out.
Slowly...
He looks around...
Clay... Jessica... Zach... Tony... Ma- No Dad... Mom...
They're surrounding him... All their faces, behind the sadness, share one thing...
It was love...
Justin smiles at what he's seeing...
It was at that moment...
He realizes that everyone he loves...
They love him as well...
He realizes that he is loved... And they show him that he deserves to be loved...
Something that he never had ever since the day he was born...
Until now...
He feels...happy...
And it is the last thing he feels...
And seeing himself being surrounded by the people he love...
It is the last thing he sees...
And from that moment...
Justin...
Still smiling...
Let's the darkness take over...
And gives his last breath...
"I love you, guys..."
Clay sits still.
Still holding his brother's hands.
Staring into his face.
He wishes he can hold on longer.
Maybe if by some last minute miracle, he'll be alright.
And then...
Clay sees Justin weakly smile...
"I love you, guys..."
Before Justin finally gives his last breath...
And then...
Clay's hands feel cold... The warmth from Justin's hands disappear and is now dead cold...
Clay and Jessica then look at each other, both realizing as the ambulance arrive at the last minute.
It was too late...
Just when help came, it was too late...
Clay's mom begins crying, with his dad hugging her...
Zach, his face in complete disbelief, didn't blink... But his left eye let a tear slip...
Tony looks down in sadness...
Jessica breaks down in tears... "Justin..." she sobs...
Clay...kisses Justin's hand, still holding on to him...
Even though there's no more warmth...
He doesn't want to let go...
He couldn't...
He leans his forehead into Justin's hands as he weeps and sobs silently...
He has lost Hannah...
He has lost Jeff...
And now...
He has lost Justin...
It has been days since Justin's funeral.
He didn't have the will to come up and give his last words for Justin. He's been hurting badly since then...
Ever since, Clay didn't go out of the outhouse...
Everyone has been calling and texting him endlessly, trying to see if Clay's ok...
Clay ignores all of them... He never touched his phone...
For the rest of the time, he sat on Justin's bed, staring blankly.
He never ate...
He never slept...
He never did anything...
Clay feels empty...
You failed him...
You failed...everyone...
Clay didn't flinch, not even when he notices someone walking into his vision and sees him sit on his bed.
Clay is now staring at the other person's face.
It was Clay. Clay's face looking dark and sinister.
"You failed everyone.."
Clay begins to feel anger growing inside him.
"First, you failed Hannah..." his other self taunts.
"Shut up." Clay glares at his dark self.
"You let her die..."
"Shut up."
"And now..." dark Clay stands up and walks up to Clay, his looking down at him a dark smirk as he taunts.
"You failed Justin..."
"SHUT UP!"
"You let him die. Just like Hannah."
Clay stands up and screams at himself.
"SHUT UP!"
"Clay!"
Clay turns to see his mom with a very worried look. Clay looks back and no longer sees his dark self.
His breath was shaky as fell back onto Justin's bed, the smell of Justin's scent still lingering despite Justin no longer in his bed and being in his bed that's six feet below the ground.
"Clay." Lainie walks toward her son as she sits next to him.
"What happen? You've been sitting in here for days. Everyone's been calling you."
"I know."
"Have you even eaten yet? Did you even take a shower?" Lainie notices now that Clay smells like a dirty dog.
"I don't know."
"Clay, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing, mom."
"Really? You call all this nothing?" Lainie waves around the room, gesturing Clay if he thinks what he's doing is just nothing.
Clay sighs in frustration. He didn't answer.
Lainie sighs "Clay... Do you want to visit Justin?"
No answer.
Lainie doesn't know what to do anymore...
"Are you going to graduation? It's tomorrow."
Clay didn't say anything, but he slowly shakes his head, which looks like a no.
"Why not?"
Clay breaths deeply before he turns to his mom, "I can't... I just can't..."
"Why not, honey?"
"Oh my god, mom. I just can't!" Clay raises his voice.
Lainie felt hurt, just seeing how her son is now. She never let it bother her.
"Clay..." She reaches out to Clay. Clay didn't say anything.
"I know right now... That everything's been hard... It's been hard for all of us..."
"That's bullshit. You guys look like you moved on."
"Clay, you can't just sit here for the rest of your life. I know you miss, Justin."
"It's more than that..." Clay's voice broke as he shakes his head.
"Then what is it, Clay?"
Clay didn't answer, Lainie can tell he doesn't want to talk about it. She then decides to leave Clay be, but not before she tells him.
"I'm going to bring you some food for you to eat. You look like you haven't eaten at all."
"Whatever..." Clay just brainlessly replied to his mom, no emotion.
Lainie sighs as she tells him one last thing before she heads back to the house.
"And, Clay." Clay looks up to his mom.
"If you can't go to graduation for yourself. Do it for Justin... I'm sure if Justin sees you now..." Lainie pauses for moment, just mentioning her own son still makes her heart ache, but wills herself to finish her sentence.
"...he'll be very upset of you..." And then, Lainie leaves the outhouse and closes the door behind her.
Clay blinks as he falls and lays on Justin's bed.
He didn't want to talk about how he's been feeling since these past days...
Ever since Justin's death, he isolated himself from everyone.
In these past months, Clay has been not feeling well of himself. Because of the events that transpired since Hannah's suicide and Bryce's murder, he's been feeling on edge, paranoid... He's been under heavy stress keeping himself together and making sure there won't be any more trouble like Tyler almost committing a school shooting and having Monty framed for Byrce's murder. He's been hanging everything together by a thread. And he felt that there's no one else is there to help him. Not even his friends, not even his parents...
Not even Justin...
Then, it turned out that whenever people check on him, see if he needs help, he instead lashes out at them, pushing them away. He pretty much closed himself off from everyone, including those who he is close with. He actually never let anyone of them reach out to him.
Why? He didn't really want anyone to be burden by his issues. He didn't want to stress everyone out when everyone else has their own issues to deal with in their lives. Worse, he isn't sure if they'll understand what he's feeling...
Burden.
Burden.
Clay thought of that word...
At that point, he finally knows how Justin feels... He understands what Justin's been going through. Clay is frustrated at how Justin, despite being his brother, being part of the family, being the closest person, even closer than Tony, he ever has, never really opens up, especially when there's something wrong. Now, he knows...
And it made him feel all the more guilty...
Clay had been too hard on Justin. He had been an asshole to him, especially recently... He wish he could take back every hurtful word he had said to Justin, especially from the party. He wish he could've done better for Justin. But his stress, insecurities, and paranoia got the best of him and made Justin feel unloved. Consequently, it made Justin still feel like he is a burden when he is not, not to him, to their parents, nor their friends.
And yet...
Justin still took the bullet for Clay...
Why...? Clay's left eye let's a single tear slip down...
Clay didn't deserve this.
Justin didn't deserve this.
I shouldn't be alive. I should be dead. Why, Justin...? You didn't deserve to die. Why would you still do it after everything...
He had been a terrible brother to Justin... He had been a terrible person to not just Justin, but everyone.
From switching his drug tests results with Justin's, making their parents think Justin relapse...
...to when he drunkly drove and fatally crash Zach's car and then leave Zach for dead with injuries (he still doesn't know how the hell they survived that crash).
If anything, he has done a lot of shitty things, even before Hannah's suicide.
Whenever Hannah approaches Clay, she was actually trying to find safety in him. She wanted to feel safe with him and ask for help. But every time, Clay just didn't seem to notice, worse he ended up indirectly encouraging the fucked up stuff that's happened to her. He was very oblivious of what Hannah went through. But Clay can tell Hannah had been looking under the weather and he didn't really do anything until it was too late...
No matter how much he hears Hannah's voice from his tape, telling him it's not his fault that she threw her life away, he still felt that he failed Hannah.
He let Hannah die...
And now, he let Justin die...
He let Justin take the bullet for him and now he can never live the life he deserve.
He'll never go to college, get a job, make a family with Jess, and live happily ever after.
Clay had robbed him of his life... Just so Clay can live...
He has failed everyone...
If he had done something, if Clay stayed with Hannah and comfort her, then Hannah and Jessica wouldn't have been raped by Bryce, and Hannah, Jeff, and Justin would still be alive...
And even if he and Justin would still not like each other if Hannah didn't die, knowing him now, maybe he'd still be alive and eventually, maybe someone would be helping him, someone who'd help Justin better than Clay. And then he'd still manage to go to college and live a life that he should've had since the day he was born.
Although, he can't take anything back.
Because it had already happened and there's nothing he can do...
And Clay hates that. All he can do is learn his mistakes, stay strong, and move on...
He couldn't...
Justin's death was the last straw. It was what finally made everything in Clay's life fall apart.
And it has caused Clay's past to haunt him back.
Can say that his bad past memories from Hannah's suicide had relapsed.
Clay has a lot going through in his head. But now he's know one thing...
He's not okay. He doesn't feel ok. And he needs help...
Clay decides that now, he needs to tell his parents that he needs help.
He wants to be better and be strong. But he needs to fix himself first to do that, but he also needs help to fix himself, he can't really do it alone. Which is why now, it's time for Clay to tell his parents, that he's not ok and he needs help. Help to make him feel better, feel like himself. So he can properly learn to do better, be strong, and continue to move on in his life.
...Clay also decides it's best not to piss off Justin or he'll beat the hell out of Clay for it if he were here.
Graduation has ended, everyone was cheering and throwing their graduation hats together as they're happy that they finally finished high school except for Clay, who instead just stood there apathetically.
He couldn't really feel too happy right now.
Not when his brother is not here graduating with him.
Although, Clay thought to himself If I can't do it for myseld, do it for Justin...
And so, with weak smile, he throws his hat like everyone else.
Graduation went pretty smooth.
Jessica did her school president speech, Clay is glad for Jessica that she's holding on pretty well as she still hasn't recovered from Justin's passing, like Clay except Jessica handled her grief better than him.
She is strong, just as how Justin can see in her.
Clay was offered to do the graduation speech some time ago, but he politely decline as he feels that he has caused so much trouble that it'll be awkward for someone who's caused a lot of noise in Liberty to be doing an inspirational speech for everyone. Added, he's not really in a good mental state right now.
Clay is just sitting alone at the bleachers in the basketball court as he watches everyone else talk together about their plans for their lives after high school. Definitely, everyone seems to look alright...
As much as he hates it, he can tell they handled themselves better than him.
He turns to see his parents coming to him with a comforting and warm smile in their faces.
"Hey, kiddo. How are you?" Matt asked.
"Congratulations, sweetie... We're proud of you."
"Yeah... Thanks... I'm...fine...so far at least..."
"Alright... Just want to check if you're doing fine right now."
"Yeah, dad. I know..."
"Justin would really happy for you, Clay..." Lainie gives a comforting smile at Clay as he slightly gives a weak smile.
"Yeah... He would..."
"Clay, just know... Despite everything that's happened, nothing is your fault. It's not your fault you weren't able to help Hannah. And it wasn't your fault that Justin is gone. None of this is your fault, Clay..."
"I guess... But...I don't know... I still can't help it..." Clay sighs. "Which is why, before I go to college, I really need to go to therapy. I have to get myself better right now, just my mind isn't really in a good state..."
"We know, Clay" Matt rubs behind Clay's back to comfort and reassure him that they understand and they'll do their best to help Clay get through this.
"Thanks guys..."
"We're here for you, kiddo." The parents hug Clay as he hugs them back. He really could use this comfort right now.
As they separate, Lainie tells Clay that they need to pick up all of Justin's things from his locker. Clay insists his parents to let him pick them up himself.
"Are you sure, Clay?" Lainie asks with concern.
"Yeah... Totally... It'll be ok, mom."
"Alright, honey. We'll just be at the parking lot alright." Lainie and Matt proceed to go mingle with the other parents in school they know of as Clay sets off to the school hallway and look for Justin's locker.
As he heads out of the basketball court he, sees Tony, Jessica, Zach, Tyler, Alex, Charlie, Courtney, Ryan, Sheri, and Ani talking together. He can tell that they're pretty much talking about how a lot has happened and likely expressing condolences for Justin. The group sees Clay by the exit as Clay smiles with a wave and nod with the group returning the gesture before Clay proceeds to exit the court and into the hallway.
Clay went to pick up Justin's diploma from the school office before he went back to the hallway and found Justin's locker.
He looks at the combination for the lock that the school office gave him earlier and tries to get it unlock, but he couldn't get it unlock for some reason. He seems to be having trouble unlocking the locker as he grows frustrated that he's having a hard time opening his own brother's locker
"Fuck. Did I get the combination right?" Clay curses himself as he double checks the locker combination.
As Clay goes back to trying to open Justin's locker...
"What the hell are you doing?" Clay flinch as he hears a familiar voice, it sounded pissed.
Clay turns to see who it was, his blood runs cold at a sight of someone he didn't think he'll see right now.
Justin's glare pierces through Clay's eyes. Clay notices that Justin is wearing the same outfit that he's wearing when he confronted Clay at Hannah's locker one day when Clay checked on her locker just weeks after her suicide.
Clay stutters "I-I don't know...just-"
"Looking for something?" Justin's glare didn't disappear. Clay is feeling unsettled at this moment.
"What would I be looking for?" said Clay as Justin steps closer, now right in front of Clay.
"You tell me." Justin and Clay stare down at each other, Justin glaring while Clay staring in confusion and unsure of what to say or do.
Then, Justin lifts hand, gesturing Clay to give him the lock.
Clay decides to fuck it and let Justin unlock his locker.
"Geez, Jensen. How are you having a hard time opening my locker?" his voice now sounds less pissed than earlier, sounding more concern in the least.
"I...I don't know anymore..." Clay just shrugs and sighs as Justin unlocks his locker and gestures Clay to open it.
"T-Thanks...Justin..." as Clay opens Justin's locker, he sees some of his books, one of his jackets, an underpants
What the fuck?
"Just go pack em into the box and get going dude."
"Ok. Ok." Clay blinks as he packs all of Justin's stuff into the box. He looks back at the locker to see the last thing inside of Justin's locker is a paper. He looks at the paper and recognizes it's Justin's college essay that got him to Occidental. Clay sighs as he places the paper inside box and closes the locker.
Clay sighs "Thanks, Justin..."
As he closes and turns, he doesn't see Justin anymore. All he can see is an empty school hallway, completely silent...
Clay stares blankly as he deeply sighs.
"I'm really losing it..." Clay mutters to himself as he picks up the box and heads out to the parking lot to meet up with his parents.
On the day the he and Tony will go on a road trip.
Clay read, Justin's college essay.
Clay's heart is still aching and just reading his passed brother's essay only made it worse.
Because he's my brother... He's my positive influence... He's the reason I'm alive and able to write this college essay in the first place... Clay could her Justin's voice echo in his head reciting him the last words of his essay.
Clay told Tony that they need to stop by somewhere before they can have their first road trip together as adults.
Clay and Tony had arrived at the cemetery, where they see Jessica at a grave that sits next to Hannah's grave.
Clay steps out of the Mustang and simply walks towards where Jessica is standing.
There he sees the the gravestones next to each other.
The left gravestone is "Hannah Baker, 2000-2017"
The right gravestone is "Justin Jensen, 2001-2019"
The Jensens had contacted Mrs. Baker if it would be ok if they bury Justin next to Hannah as Clay wanted to see both of the people he was close with be in the same spot. Mrs. Baker gave them permission, especially as she has heard how Justin has been doing his best to be a better person than he was and forgives Justin, which Justin didn't really ask for before as he felt that he didn't deserve for Mrs. Baker to accept his apology for Hannah. But Mrs. Baker still forgave him nevertheless and she gave her condolences to the Jensens and Jessica.
Clay looks down at his brother's grave, standing beside Jessica, who's also staring down at Justin's grave.
"Hi, Jess..." Clay greets Jessica.
"Hi, Clay..." Her arms still crossed when she was staring at her boyfriend's gravestone.
"You're...also visiting Justin before you leave town?"
"Yeah..." Jessica then looks up as she deeply breaths. "I just...need to see him before I go out there and begin my life..."
"Same..." Clay sighs.
"So you're going on a road trip with Tony?"
"Yeah... Me and Tony decided to spend some time together first before I go get started with my therapy in 2 weeks... Need to...fix myself before I get started with my life..."
"I see..." said Jessica as the duo continue to look at their friend's gravestone for a while.
They stood there for God knows how long when Jessica finally breaks the silence.
"Clay..."
"Yeah...?"
"You ever felt that you've been such an asshole and a bitch that you feel like it's your fault or something...? Like you feel guilty and you wish that you can take back everything you said and done that hurt someone...?"
"...Yeah...I have... I have with Justin... I feel like...I've been a horrible brother to him, especially in the past months... Why...?"
Jessica turns to look at Clay, her face filled with guilt and regret.
"I guess that makes it the both of us..." Jessica sniffs.
"I've been such a bitch Justin ever since we broke up. I thought it was bullshit that he broke up with me so he can push me away, so I decided to date this fucking jock Diego just to upset him. But looking back, I understand he needed space...to work and sort himself out...before he can be healthy enough live his life...and be with me..." Jessica begins to weep.
"I fucking hate how it's only when he's gone now that I realize I've been a bitch to Justin. That I really ended up being what I was proving everyone wrong about me: a slut." Jessica starts to sob as she expresses her guilt for being a terrible girlfriend to Justin.
Clay empathizes with Jessica as he proceeds to hug her.
Jessica hugs Clay back. Clay can tell his eyes are turning watery as he closes his eyes, tears slipping through his cheeks.
"I know how you feel, Jessica..." Clay rubs her back. "I also share that feeling too... We've both been assholes to Justin..."
"We don't deserve him... We don't deserve to be here... Justin deserves better..." Jessica sobs.
"I know... I get that feeling..." Clay deeply breaths as the two break off the hug and the two look at each other.
"But right now... I don't think Justin would want us to feel that way..."
Jessica stares into Clay's eyes, if Clay was right, this is actually the first time Jessica is genuinely listening to him as he and Jessica aren't exactly close friends and only really talk once in a while cause of something important.
"Especially when it's in front of him..." Clay gestures at the graveston behind them. "Justin would be upset seeing us like this..."
"I know..." she sniffs. "I just really miss him..."
"Me too..." Clay gives Jess a comforting smile as Jess begins to feel better, smiling back at Clay.
"Thanks, Clay..."
"It's ok, Jess..." Clay continues to smile warmly as Jessica proceeds to leave the graveyard before she stops and turns to Clay.
"Clay."
"Yeah?"
"If ever you need someone to talk..." Jessica gives a small smile "...I'm here..."
"Sure, Jess. To be honest, I say the same for you too."
Jessica laughs as Clay also laughs, both knowing somehow this is something they share together. But in the least, helps that they have each other to cope.
"I'll be sure to keep in touch with you, Clay..."
"Likewise, Jess..."
"Alright... Anyway, I'm just going to head back home, already finishing packing up before I leave town tomorrow. So...see you around, Clay..."
"Yeah... I'll see you around in the future too, Jess" Clay nods as he and Jess wave goodbye to each other before she leaves in her car.
"Well, look he came to visit." A familiar voice is heard behind Clay as he turns to see who it was.
"Hey, Helmet." Hannah smiles warmly at Clay.
"I'm not exactly here to visit you, Hannah..." Clay sighs.
"I know. You're here for Justin." Hannah still smiles, Clay knows his head is likely going cuckoo, first, he saw Justin telling him to read his college essay, now this...
"Am I going insane?"
"I don't know. You think?" Hannah shrugs.
"I don't know... I don't know anymore..."
"If you're looking for Justin, he's just there by the cliff. Sitting." Hannah points to where Justin is as Clay stares at where she's pointing.
Clay is frozen, he can tell he's really losing it, so why is he listening to someone who's dead? It can't be a ghost.
"Are you just gonna stand here?"
"U-Um...n-no."
"Then go to him, Clay. You wanna say goodbye to him?" When Hannah asked him of that, Clay remembers that he never gave his final words at Justin's funeral. He never said his goodbye to his brother just because he's frozen in his seat, not knowing what to do as he's still in deep disbelief and grief.
If Clay wants to give him a proper farewell before he leaves to begin his life, now is a good time. So Clay walks toward the cliff where he sees Justin just sitting on the cliff, he looks laid back and relax, something Clay rarely sees as Justin usually looks on edge.
"Hey..." Clay calls out and Justin turns around to see who's calling him, his face lights up with a smile.
"Hey, Jensen." Justin's wearing a green flannel shirt jacket with white shirt underneath it, his outfit mixes well with Justin's bright complexion. It makes him look like he's alive, not worrying a damn thing in the world.
"So...you're sitting on a cliff..." Clay then sits with Justin as they both stare at eh view that's in front of them.
"Yep. And I gotta tell you, this view looks gorgeous."
"You love the view of the town huh...?" Clay can see how Justin's enjoying the cliff view of the town. The sky is bright with clear sky and the sunrays shining down on the town.
"Definitely. I'm embracing this moment."
"Yeah... The view from here looks beautiful..." Clay smiles warmly as they both enjoy the view of the town from the cliff.
They stay for some time as Clay breaks the silence.
"Justin..."
"Yeah...?" Justin and Clay turn to face each other.
"I'm sorry..."
"Sorry for what?" Justin frowns in concern.
"For...everything... I...I've been a bad brother to you lately... And I feel like I don't deserve to be a positive influence on you..."
"Hey, don't you say that dude. Don't you fucking say that."
"If anything, I should be seeing you as a positive influence!" Clay exclaimed.
Justin laughs in amusement.
"Really, Jensen. Me, a fucked up junkie as your positive influence? You're out of your mind."
"I'm serious, Justin." Justin settles down as he stares Clay in his eyes, showing Clay that Justin's listening.
"You've...save my life more times than I can count. A lot more than me saving you. And whenever I feel fucked up, you're there to let me cry on your shoulder."
Justin only sat in silence, staring at Clay still.
"I...I miss you..." Clay begins cry. "And...and I don't know what to do without you. How can I do this without you?"
Justin gives him a comforting smile "It's like you said, Clay... You'll survive..."
Clay couldn't keep himself from crying...
"I...I love you...bro..." he sniffs.
Justin smiles back warmly.
"I love you too, bro." he opens up his arms as Clay, not caring if this is some glamorous hallucination or what, hugs Justin tightly, with Justin hugging him back.
Clay couldn't feel Justin's warmth, nor smell his scent. But despite the emptiness he's feeling, he could feel himself feeling better, like the entire weight on top of him has been lifted.
Clay is afraid to let go of Justin, afraid that when he let's go, he'll disappear. He couldn't bare to break off the hug.
"Clay...you can let go now..."
"I...I can't..." He whimpers.
"You have to, dude."
"It's just..." Clay pauses, his breathing being shaky "I'm finding it hard to say goodbye..."
"I know, man... I know..." Justin pats Clay's back (even though it's likely Clay is just having a hallucination).
After some time, Clay finally breaks off the hug and opens his eyes.
Somehow, he still sees Justin, his warm smile still there...
"We'll see each other again, brother..."
"What makes you even say that...?"
"Probably in another life... Maybe a better life..."
"You think so...?"
Justin chuckles "I don't know. Does it matter?"
"No...no it doesn't..."
Justin nods "Yeah...We'll see each other eventually... And we'll be waiting for you at the end."
"We...?" Clays questions Justin when he sees Hannah walk in and sit next to Justin...
"We..." Hannah smiles warmly.
"Are...you two...together...?"
Justin and Hannah chuckles.
"Does it look like we are, Jensen?" Justin raises an eyebrow.
"I don't know."
"Well, we're both just waiting for you, Helmet."
"Do you guys even like each other?"
Justin and Hannah looks at each other before they turn back to look at Clay, with Justin just shrugging, neither of them answering.
Clay sighs.
"This really is all in my head..."
"Well, if that's what you're thinking dude. All the more reason for you to let go..."
"I know..." Clay looks up to Justin. Clay really has a hard time letting go of Justin, he couldn't...
"It's...it's just...too hard for me..."
"Well, if you don't get your ass out, you're going to just leave Tony waiting too long and waste your road trip." Justin frowns in concern.
Justin has a point, Clay can't just sit here forever and stay with Justin. He has to keep moving, live his life...
He'll survive...
Clay sighs as he finally stands up, with both Justin and Hannah following.
"You're right... I can't just stay here..."
Justin and Hannah nod.
"Again... It's like you said bro... You'll survive..."
Clay nods at Justin as he proceeds to hug him again, with Justin hugging him back.
"See you later, Clay... We'll meet again...in a better life..."
They stayed that way for a while until Clay let's go.
When Clay opens his eyes...
Justin is gone...
Along with Hannah...
Clay stares blankly as he turns to look at the cliff view of the town.
He looks up to the heavens as the sunrays kisses his face.
Clay smiles warmly as he looks out at the view before him...
"See you later, Justin... May we meet again, in a better life..."
Clay steps back and begins walk back to the Mustang where Tony is patiently waiting for him.
He stops for a moment and looks at both Justin's and Hannah's graves one last time with a smile before he proceeds to head back inside the Mustang.
"Took you awhile." said Tony.
"Yeah... Sorry about that..." Clay looks up to see at the cliff spot where Justin was sitting.
Clay doesn't see Justin, but he can feel Justin looking back at him with a bright smile in his face.
"Just want to say goodbye before we hit the road." Clay looks at Tony with a warm smile and Tony smiles back.
"Alright." Tony then starts the engine as the radio in his Mustang plays the song "Shine" by Mondo Cozmo.
Tony steps the gas as their road trip officially begins.
Clay continues to stare out at the cliff spot where Justin was sitting before he turns to look on at moving road, with hopeful look in his face.
Justin was someone Clay himself never thought he'll be close with.
Before, they didn't like each other. Justin had done bad things. Bad things so bad that he ends up a subject of two tapes made by Hannah.
He was the beginning of the end.
Before, Justin was an asshole and a coward. Which led to Hannah's downfall before everything fell on her and made her throw away her life.
Justin was the last thing Clay expects to be the closest.
And when he saved Justin out of the streets, that's when everything change...
It's from that moment on, Justin began to change for the better. To be a better person. For himself. For Jessica. Eventually, for Clay... And eventually, for everyone...
In the end, Justin was not the same person who started Hannah's downfall and not the same person who's threatened Clay.
Justin is a caring, selfless, and brave man. Something that Clay and everyone sees now in Justin.
Clay loves Justin. He loves his brother.
And he always will love him...
Clay knows one day, he and Justin will be together again...
He doesn't know when, he doesn't know where. But he knows that they will see each other in the end.
Now, Clay begins to move on to get started with his life.
For himself...
For Hannah...
And for Justin...
Clay still has to fix himself first, and this is his first step.
Clay smiles with a positive and hopeful look as he and Tony drive off into the highway where they leave behind their past and begin their lives as adults...
Long endnote:
So this is my first fanfic story with 13 Reasons Why.
The show was ok in its first 2 seasons, but then it just fell off when I reached 3 and 4.
It's a shame since I genuinely like the cast of the series and they could've done better in the story.
To be honest, it was really depressing to see Justin die in the end and (as what everyone says) Justin deserves better to live his life. But I don't exactly mind their decision to kill him off, especially when Dylan Minnette and Brandon Flynn support the idea of killing off Justin.
The real issue, however, regarding Justin's death is the circumstance of his death.
How does Justin even contract HIV and then in less than a year, has developed into full blown AIDS? Definitely, Justin being a drug addict can accelerate spread, but it wouldn't take for like 10 or more (or less) years until the HIV would develop into AIDS.
Justin would have already been having HIV since he was born, but since the creators of show pointed out that Justin had contracted HIV since season 2, when he wad homeless and on the streets doing sex work and buying drugs for 5 months, it pretty much made no sense. Added that, throughout season 2 and 3, there hasn't really been any signs that Justin has HIV, and whenever he's feeling off, that's cause of the effects of the drugs he's been using on himself and it's only at the later part of season 4, Justin showed signs and then later on just fully develops into AIDS? Whatever HIV virus that Justin caught seems to be some kind of supervirus that somehow skips through the stages and then goes straight for AIDS level. And it looks as though when they wonder how Justin would die while also still wondering how they can add as much social and teen issues as they can, they thought about HIV/AIDS and then just throws it at Justin and call it a day. There's also ths fact that Justin and Jessica had unprotected sex at one point in season 2, in the season finale. And then later on, in season 3, he and Jess have been secretly hooking up together. Whether those 2 have use protection, I don't know. And seeing how they had been hooking often in season 3, it would've potentially allow Jessica to contract HIV as well. But then turns out her results is negative and hasn't really contracted HIV? Yeah, doesn't exactly make any sense.
And it doesn't help that the way they portrayed HIV/AIDS is as if it's a death sentence and pretty much gives a bad message to the viewers, since it's coming from a show that's just showing awareness and giving viewers a message, a way to inspire them that they can get through the harsh reality. With Justin being the best example in the show.
So to having even just killing him off right at the end does already make a bad message in actuality, worse is when the cause is HIV/AIDS and it doesn't make sense he'd contract the infection and then die less than a year later.
However, Dylan and Brandon supported the idea of having Justin die at the end because it would bring full circle to the story and give off a poetic end, which I respect. Added, Brandon mentions this:
"It does have much more of this strong, visceral impact when it is this character. I get that Justin's beloved but also, his storyline is so full of ups and downs that you're really rooting for him. So when you get to the finale and you find out that he's the one who's passed away, it really feels like a loss. I applaud the writers in the way they handled the storyline because I think even seeing some of the responses being outrage, it's the actual process of grief. I've had circumstances in my life where I've lost someone and it's inspired anger at first. I think once we move past that first stage of anger in grief, we get to the understanding of life and it sometimes not being fair."
So yeah, I get what kind of direction they wanted to go with Justin.
Just, it's the circumstance behind Justin's death that's the problem. Worse is, again, how just him dying of HIV/AIDS in just a year at an unrealistic rate can really send a bad message.
Doesn't help that after Justin's death, everything just moves on and we only see Clay just feeling sad that Justin's gone and nothing else.
Don't get me wrong, it's a really touching and emotional scene to see Clay read Justin's college essay and cries that he'll miss Justin. And death scene of Justin itself, and Clay's and Jessica's last talks with Justin before he passes away, are beautifully done and really emotional to look at. But that's just it, all we got is Clay feeling sad. Justin's death didn't look like it really made a big splash, and it really felt like his death was unneccessary. If Justin lives, then the rest of the last episode will be the same except Justin graduates and lives happily ever after like everyone else, and Clay doesn't feel sad.
It's what pretty much makes it feel too much that Justin didn't deserve to die.
Justin didn't deserve this kind of death, a death just made for shock value.
So it's how I came up with this story and come up with a better death for Justin.
A death, while still tragic, won't feel bullshit, while also actually bringing an impact to Clay's life as well as justify how Justin grew as a character throughout the show.
He went from an asshole and a coward that got a girl killed by taking her life to a caring and brave brother looking out for Clay and will do anything for Clay, even to take a bullet for him.
And I did my best to write and portray all if this in this fic and I hope I did it right at least.
I hope that him dying to save not just his friend, but his brother would make his death tragic, yet beautifully done.
It'll still hurting, depressing, and unfair, yet the circumstances behind his death isn't bullshit.
I hope I did a good job in making Justin's passing look good.
And if you like my take on Justin's death, I really appreciate it.
But nevertheless
Justin Foley deserves better
Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed!
I'm planning to make another 13 Reasons Why fic and it would be a crossover one, will work on it soon.